All language subtitles for Boston Legal 1x14-Till We Meet Again

You're turning 43.

If you don't mind,
I'm trying to appear vulnerable

to facilitate my snorkeling
up your thigh bone later.

Alan, you boyfriend,

me girlfriend.

You have a season's pass.

You're ruining the conquest part,

which is all it's really about for me.

Really?

Well, how about a little
play acting, then?

Only if this time,
I get to be the sheep.

I'm gonna sit over there

and pretend to be alone.

And you're gonna approach me,
being the stranger that you are,

and conquest me.

Don't be silly.

No, I'd like to see
how you operate, Mr. Shore.

How are you doing?

Fine, thank you.

I'm Joe.

I'm with somebody.

Who?

Hello, I'm a complete stranger.

And I'm here to pick you up.

Oh, I see. There's two of us.

I'll be evens, you be odds.

You got a problem?

No, actually.

I just saw this fair maiden here
talking to a tree trunk,

and since I'm an arborist,
I thought I could help translate.

Here's a health tip.

- Walk away.
- Why would I do that?

All right, guys.

Don't be deceived by my cushy appearance.

Excuse me.

- I actually am with him.
- I don't care.

Walk away, or I lay you out.

I don't mean to be a stickler,
but isn't the object to lay her out?

Hey!

Oh, gee, I'm sorry,
I was reaching for my wallet.

I see.

Allow me to reach for mine.

Are you all right?

Fine.

Hello, big people.

Sorry to intrude,
but you seem rather strapping.

Here's $300.

Would you be so kind as
to go hit that man down there?

Really? / Alan.

There's an extra $100 if he goes down.

You're on.

- Make it a good one.
- Oh, for god's sakes.

Here's $100, go help your friend.

Gee, it seems Joe has buddies.

One for you,

one for you,

I got plenty of them.

Hit them hard now.

For you and for you.

Boston Legal
1x14. Till We Meet Again

ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON ABC: 2005/02/13

You don't think the evening was
slightly symptomatic of something?

You take me to a college frat bar,
and you start a fight.

I did not start it.

- You certainly did start it.
- Alan, wonderful news.

The Kerwin deposition
has been cancelled.

You don't have to go.

Your morning is now free,

which works out
because it seems these

two police officers are
here to arrest you.

Are you Alan Shore?

My, aren't you clever?

I bet you make detective one day.

Was my calling him Alan a clue?

Please place your hands
behind your back.

Why?

Sir, please.
You're under arrest

for conspiracy
to commit assault and battery.

You have the right
to remain silent.

You have it all memorized.

Aren't you, the spiffy jiffy?

And a sharp dresser.

You have the right to an attorney.

If you cannot afford an attorney,
one will be appointed to you...

Not to worry, dear.

I'll cancel the rest of your day.

And in an unprecedented,
if not bizarre move,

the selectmen of Summersport,
Massachusetts, a small south shore town,

population 18,000, voted six to
two yesterday to ban red meat.

As of midnight, it is now illegal to
serve or sell beef within the township.

Mayor George Bostwick calling
the law a health and safety regulation.

God, health and safety.

Did they not call a town
meeting to discuss this?

Well, they did. And nobody really
took it that seriously.

But the mayor controls the selectmen,

and this is exactly the publicity
he's hoping to buy.

In the meantime, my steak house
is out of business.

How can you ban red meat?

Well, they got a whole campaign
they're gonna go with it.

They plan to promote Summersport
as the seafood capital of the world.

We're carnivores.

When the pilgrims landed,

the first thing they did
was eat a few indians.

Is there anything we can do?

We'll get an immediate T.R.O.

I'll argue it myself.
Ban red meat.

That cannot pass constitutional mustard.

The word is muster, Denny,
but you're right.

The law lacks condiments.

Let's mark up a motion and get going,
and let's do it in Suffolk.

We should contact the owners of
the other affected restaurants,

and have them join us.

32744, commonwealth vs. Alan Shore,

conspiracy to commit battery.

Tara Wilson for the defendant, your honor.

We'll waive reading. I shouldn't think
there'll be any question of bail.

What have we got here?

He paid some guys in a bar
to assault another guy.

Judge, the guy insulted my honor.

I was required by the canons
of bar room conduct to respond.

This being America, I simply
enlisted unsuspecting warriors

who had no idea what I was
getting them into.

Was anybody hurt?

Cuts and bruises. There was
some damage to the bar.

My suggestion is we admit to
sufficient facts

so you'll continue it
without a finding.

My client makes full
restitution to the bar.

That's not gonna fly.

It was self-defense.
Mr. Shore was hit.

The fact that he hired others to
do the hitting back doesn't preclude...

You want a not guilty,
counsel, you need a trial.

We could do it today.

You're ready to proceed now?

I'll stipulate to all the facts
in the police report,

though I must take issue
with some of the spelling.

If he stips to the facts,
I could be ready tomorrow.

Jury trial, of course.
I can provide the court with
a list of my closest peers.

I leave for Aspen on Wednesday.

So we will complete this in one day.
10:00 tomorrow.

The defendant is released
on personal recognizance.

Mr. Shore...

it would be a big mistake to come
in here thinking this is funny.

You mean it's not funny?

You cannot just ban red meat.

Any municipality can pass reasonable
health regulations.

Ah, yes, let's just pause
on that word "reasonable."

Many towns are dry,
forbidding the sale of alcohol.

There is an enormous
difference between the sale...

Hold on one second, Ms. Schmidt.

In my courtroom, we allow
counsel to finish their thoughts.

- We do not...
- if I could interrupt.

The author of this particular
and preposterous legislation

happens to be both politically ambitious
and a glutton for publicity,

which this new law, funny thing,
happens to be generating.

Red meat poses legitimate
health concerns.

So do overzealous elected officials.
We don't just ban them.

- If only we could.
- Now, I shall do the interrupting.

If nothing else, I pride myself
on being a conscientious fact finder.

Oh, brother.

Mr. Crane, did you say something?

It's a stupid law.
Overturn it. Be a man.

Mr. Crane was trying to be helpful.
Apparently, he did not succeed.

What is the reason, specifically,

for your client banning
the sale of red meat?

Bovine spongiform encephalopathy.

Mad cow disease.

- We're fearful of an outbreak.
- In Summersport?

- Everywhere.
- That's ridiculous.

Very well, we shall hold
an evidentiary hearing.

First person I shall hear
from is the mayor.

Then, Ms. Schmidt, if you so desire,

I shall listen to your client.

Until then, we are adjourned.

Put on a dress.

2:00.

What are you doing?

I know this judge.
I know where his buttons are.

Research shows, Denny,

it's not wise to antagonize the people
whose favor you're trying to court.

Oh, come on, Shirley.

You still antagonize me,

and we both know what's
really going on, don't we?

You sweet man.

It's been a long time
since you hit my button.

I doubt you'd even know where to find it.

Just a matter of time, Shirley.

Just a matter of time.

This doesn't involve you, man,
it's sexual.

I thought you said the judge
would strike the law down.

I just got a little tougher, Dominick.

They played the mad cow card.

Sometimes a mayor has to do what's
right even if it isn't popular.

Red meat presents risks

which I, as the guardian of my
constituency, am unwilling to assume.

Legislation is capricious on its face.

That'll be our only comment at this time.

Pop goes the weasel.

All right, Denny Crane.

Still cuckoo for cuckoo puffs.

Who's your daddy?

Denny Crane.

Pop goes the weasel.

Simply put, I don't think we can
guarantee the safety of beef.

Why not?

For starters, we just lifted
the ban on Canadian cattle,

where mad cow disease
was just found again.

The percentage of mad cow in
Canada is statistically...

But why take chances?

Consider this disease.

it's incurable, it rots the brain,

it's invariably fatal,
and it's a painful death.

But our government has assured us
there's absolutely no danger in this.

Our government is pro-beef.
Are you kidding?

In the last five years, the agriculture
business has donated $140 million

to congressional and
presidential candidates.

Fast-food chains, the cattlemen's
beef association, you name it,

they've all given big bucks.

But the department of agriculture says...

Oh, please, the USDA's in
the meat industry's back pocket.

What evidence do you have of that?

You want evidence?

How about the last secretary of agriculture

appointed meat industry advocates
to top jobs at the USDA?

How about the secretary's
former chief of staff used to be

the chief lobbyist for the national
cattlemen's beef association?

The USDA has been bought.

Pretty strong words, Mr. Bostwick.

- Oprah got sued for saying less.
- Well, what does that tell you?

The meat industry gets to sue
a talk show host

for putting down a hamburger?

Free speech doesn't apply
when it comes to beef?

Well, certainly, the USDA has
an interest in making meat safe?

But they have a double mandate,
your honor.

And while one may be to keep beef safe,

the other, the bigger one...

is to promote the sale
of American meat.

You think there's a real interest in
this country in rooting out mad cow disease?

It's "don't ask, don't tell."

Objection! / This past April,
a cow stumbled and fell in Texas.

The vets suspected a central
nervous system disorder.

That animal should have been tested.

It wasn't.It was quickly slaughtered
and put into pig feed.

Why? Because god forbid
we discover mad cow disease.

It would cost billions
and billions of dollars.

I'm not gonna wait.

If that gets me sued, so be it.

How many people in this country
have been afflicted

with the human strain of
mad cow disease?

I don't plan to... / To wait, yes.
How many?

- We don't know.
- There have been no confirmed cases.

According to some scientists,

many people we think have Alzheimer's
could, in fact, be sick from mad cow.

Are you a scientist, sir? / No.

Before you became mayor,
what was your occupation?

I owned auto dealerships.

You were a car salesman.

Given that three million people are
killed or injured on our roads every year,

do you also plan to ban automobiles?

No. / What about salmonella?

Any plans to criminalize chickens?

- People don't die from chickens or...
- What about mercury in fish?

It's a concern.

But, again, I made a judgment as mayor,

and the selectmen concurred
that the dangers of beef...

Have you any personal political ambitions

beyond that of being mayor of Summersport?

I'm not trying to get headlines,
if that's what you're saying.

I didn't say that,
but funny you did.

Have you got anything?

You would agree, Mr. Mayor,
that by and large,

vegetarians are communists.

I certainly would not.

We're at war, Mr. Bostwick.

Think we can win that war
if we suddenly say to our soldiers,

"no more meat"?

Think a nation of fish-eaters
can protect the world, you wimp?

- Objection.
- Withdrawn. Nothing further.

What the hell are you doing?

Don't bother with the merits, Shirley.

This case, it's all about the judge.

You asked to see us.

Sit.

Not to worry.
This is standard.

He purposely doesn't look up.

It's a technique taught in the '40s
for establishing dominion.

You were involved in a bar
altercation last night?

Altercation? I think not.

It was a brawl.

- And you were arrested?
- I was.

Trial starts tomorrow, actually.

Can I count on you
as a character witness?

Who's defending you?

I'm representing myself,
with Tara's assistance.

There's no opportunity to plead this out?

Only if I plead guilty,
which is, of course, unacceptable.

I have to worry about a three strikes law,

since I plan to commit future crimes.

I don't know what kind of career
death wish you have, Mr. Shore,

but if you're convicted,
if you get time,

your employment will be terminated.

That may be of little
consequence to you...

If I had a nickel for every time
you've threatened to fire me, Paul,

I could simply retire.

Alan, cut it out.

It is not my habit to lecture,

but what you did last night
was selfish.

We have a reputation here
at Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

The attorneys here take
great pride in that reputation.

It undermines everyone
at Crane, Poole & Schmidt

when a lawyer here
is criminally prosecuted.

Your actions hurt people.

All of us must now tender explanations

to our friends, our colleagues,

to safeguard and repair the reputation
of Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

Stop it!

I've had it.

Do you hear me?

I have had it.

Get out, both of you.

Personally, I would never eat meat.

Why, doctor?

We don't have the means to keep track
of what cattle are being fed,

nor are we adequately testing them,
in my opinion.

Your honor, I object to paranoia
being offered as evidence.

I'm sorry, but it's absolutely reckless

for a government to
be telling us we're safe

when the scientific community
can't necessarily detect all the ways

this disease can be contracted
or transmitted.

But let's look at statistics.

Nobody in this country seems to be
getting sick from mad cows.

Judge, we just can't know that.

The disease may have an incubation
period of up to 40 years.

You may be infected right now.

My point is,

nobody now seems to be
demonstrating symptoms.

We don't know that for sure, either.

The human strain of
the mad cow disease

is called Creutzfeldt-Jakob.

We call it CJD.

But you can also get CJD sporadically,
with no link to infected meat.

And some of the people
we've diagnosed with Alzheimer's

might, in fact, have CJD.

We don't know how many cases
there really are.

You cannot tell me the government
has all this figured out.

And the government just covers this up?

Well, it's probably
not so much a cover-up.

It's just we're not terribly
motivated to discover the problem.

The economic consequences
would be too severe.

Economic consequences,

the beef industry would risk
an outbreak of mad cow disease.

That wouldn't bankrupt them overnight?

The beef industry can't always
tell when a cow is sick,

and they're desperate to believe
that isolated cases are isolated cases.

And the department of agriculture
just plays along?

The month after that sick cow
was found in Washington state,

mad cow testing dropped almost 50%.

- That's outrageous.
- It eventually went up.

Look, they tried to track the herd
where that Washington cow came from...

they couldn't find 53 of the 80 cows.

They've since admitted their cattle
trackback system isn't up and running,

and it would have to be done
on a voluntary basis.

Voluntary...

please, what meat-packing plant wants
the distinction of having a mad cow?

Which is why I order the fish.

Denny. / Hmm.

- I'm getting my ass kicked here.
- I can see that.

Any suggestions?

- How old are you, sir?
- 46.

I'm 72, and I can mop the floor
with you. You know why?

I eat meat.

Makes me strong, builds
up my immune system,

fights off a whole bunch of other
diseases I might have had

if I weren't so strong.

Red meat saves lives, baby.

- You ever think about that?
- I'm sorry,

but there's no real
evidence to support that opinion.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Any hard evidence to support yours?

Hard evidence, no.

But I don't think we really want to wait
for that evidence to come rushing in.

I had him there,

right till the end.

He basically offered us $100 to fight.

You took the money.

Yes. / And you fought.

Yes.

Thank you, sir.

Interesting. We agree to
stipulate to the facts,

and the prosecution sees fit
to distort them just the same.

- Objection.
- Mr. Edwards, I didn't say,

"here's $100, go fight," did I?

Well... / Did I not first ask
your friend Mike

to avenge an assault
committed against me?

Yes. / And then when Mike
was attacked,

I enlisted you and others
to go to his aid, did I not?

Yes. / And the man who first
assaulted me

had many colleagues who
joined the fray, did he not? / Yes.

In fact, Joe's friends first turned it
into a brawl, wouldn't you say?

Yes. / And as a friend of Mike's,
is it your testimony

you would not have gone to his aid
had I not offered you money?

No, I would have probably
jumped in anyway at that point.

Well, given your honest
and forthright testimony,

which has shed blinding light
on what happened in the bar that night,

would you now consider yourself

a witness more for the prosecution
or the defense?

Um, I guess defense.

Thank you, Mr. Edwards.

You deserve another $100.

We're going to lose?

It hasn't gone well.

Surely you've noticed.

My grandfather started this steak house.

How can...

- I just can't believe it.
- Look, it isn't over yet.

We still have summations, but...

Let me tell you this one more time.

Play the judge.

The man lives with his mother,
and he wears lifts.

The buzzword is nansy-pansy.

- I beg your pardon.
- Nansy-pansy.

He doesn't want to fall
on that side of the fence.

It's even worse than namby-pamby.

- What are you talking about?
- Trust me, Shirley.

For once, can you do that?

Nansy-pansy.

I was thinking perhaps I should close.

Don't be ridiculous.

- I'm sorry?
- No offense, Tara,

but since I handled the witness,
the jury will be...

Did you see the faces on the jury?

They weren't impressed.

They found you smug.

You were, perhaps, too
self-satisfied to notice.

Are we at a certain point
in our cycle, Tara?

I apologize.

Do you?

That's a first.

Say what you must.

I was hugely embarrassed
by what happened at the bar,

not to mention terrified.

I could have been injured.
Did that ever occur to you?

I mean, it would have been one thing

had you had a neanderthal
reaction and swung back,

but your response was considered.

You reflectively, calmly
orchestrated your violence.

People could have been hurt.

I could have been hurt,

but you've not once considered that,

because contrary to the rumor that
you are the center of the universe,

clearly you are the universe,

and I, for one,
am getting sick of it.

Alan Shore's a good lawyer, Paul.

If we fire him,
it does leave a hole.

I am certainly mindful of that,

but how far do we let him push us?

He has done this at every firm
he has worked for.

He defies them to the point...

His last firm sued him.

Yes, and he went on.
They didn't.

Schmidt, you called?

Cellina, I called you
three hours ago.

Where have you been?

Patriots parade.

The patriots parade was last week.

Three super bowls, four years.

I'm still on parade.

You worked on that Ianetti meat-packing
case last year, didn't you?

Yes.

What do you know about
that cow in Washington state?

I'm about to suffer
an embarrassing defeat in court.

I need to show that what happened in
Washington was an isolated, what?

Don't go near the Washington case.

It's possible it wasn't
even a downer cow.

What do you mean, downer cow?

Basically, it means the cow fell down.

We're told that the mad cows
are easy to spot

because they stumble and fall.

We were told that this cow fell,

but eyewitnesses in Washington

say the cow was walking
and was tested only as a fluke.

Which means...

while we're being told that the sick cows
show easily detectable symptoms...

they sometimes don't,
and therefore go undetected.

Stay away from the Washington case.

Thank you, Cellina.

Pardon the expression, but...

I'm dead meat.

You really think
you're going to lose?

I'm tempted to employ Denny's strategy.

Which is...

Nansy-pansy.

All I know is he instigated the brawl.

The charge is conspiracy
to commit aggravated assault.

Talking about me, Brad?

Yeah, we're just trying
to imagine you as an instigator.

What's that supposed to mean?

Sorry.

- Forget it.
- No, let's not forget it.

How about you say
what you have to say?

Or is that too monumental an effort,
completing whole sentences?

- Come on, Alan.
- You want to talk about me, Lori?

Perhaps you should reposition
yourself behind my back.

Isn't that the rule of the game?

I don't talk about you
behind your back.

You're not that interesting.

I'm tired of this.
Got that?

I don't know what's going on
with you, sport,

but you're certainly smart
enough to realize

that I could probably dismember
you in about the time...

Then do it. / Cut it out.

What the hell is going on?

Careful, Tara. I wouldn't
want you to get hurt.

Listen to me.

Talking to others as if I weren't
the only one in the universe.

When will I learn?

No, when will we learn?

That you are always right.

That it makes sense
to start a bar room brawl.

That it's perfectly reasonable to get
into a shoving match at the office.

Nothing could be going on with you.

When will we learn?

Get help.

We had an expression in this country
years ago called "where's the beef?"

Translation, where's the substance?

Your honor, do you know anybody

who's been victimized
by mad cow disease?

Know anybody who knows anybody?

Know anybody who knows anybody
who knows anybody?

There's simply not a shred of
evidence to

suggest that a single person
in this country

has ever become ill from a mad cow.

But why wait?

That's the mayor's jingle.

Why wait?

Because this man and others like him

have sacrificed their lives and their
livelihoods building their restaurants.

Maybe as a courtesy,

we could wait for a scintilla of evidence

before arbitrarily destroying
their businesses.

The fact is,

the USDA has done an exemplary job
conducting tests,

establishing safeguards to prevent
the outbreak of mad cow disease,

which is probably
why it hasn't broken out.

Well, we could give in to
our fear and panic...

baseless panic.

but that would make us...

a nation of nansy-pansies.

I don't know about you, but...

I don't want to be a nansy-pansy.

Towns make rules all the time.

Lots of them zoned fast-food
restaurants out of business.

Through permits,

they can control
how you build your house.

Some towns ban alcohol, cigarettes.

Others have curfews.

We do all kinds of things.

The only legal requirement
is that the laws are reasonable.

It is not unreasonable to fear
an outbreak of mad cow disease.

We've had a case in Washington state,

another last month in Canada.

We just lifted the ban on Canadian beef.

The incubation period for
this disease could be decades.

We have no guarantee that
we're not already infected.

It is simply reckless

for the government to be injecting certainty

when the scientific community cannot.

And forget mad cow.

We already know that eating beef
can cause high cholesterol, heart disease.

It increases the risk of colon cancer.

There's listeria and E. coli,
which has already killed people.

Dioxin,

the poison that almost killed
the Ukrainian president,

that stuff is on our grazing grass.

Scientists say the average American has

about 10 units of dioxin in their blood fat

simply from eating animal fat.

There are all kinds of
reasonable justifications

for a mayor to try to reduce red meat
from the diet of his citizenry.

And let me remind you.

there is nothing...

nothing in the constitution

that guarantees anybody
the right to sell a hamburger.

This wasn't self-defense.

Mr. Shore was not under
any physical threat

when he paid the first man to fight.

This was vengeance for hire.

And once that violence began,
he started paying others to escalate it.

These facts are not in dispute.

The only real question for you here is,

is Mr. Shoreabove the law or not?

I've been accused of,

reflectively, perhaps even glibly,

orchestrating a little revenge.

Well, I guess that's how
I wanted it to look.

A man punched me in the face

in front of my girlfriend.

And while my instinct
was to hit him back,

the truth is, I was afraid.

I was fearful that if I retaliated,
he would...

beat me up.

So I got somebody else
to do my fighting.

Then things got out of hand.

And, well...

I had to send more and more troops

to a war that should've ended quickly.

But make no mistake,

my reaction that night was not
so much reflective as it was...

primal.

A man hit me.

And while we like to think of
ourselves as being evolved...

maybe I should've just hit him.

There's a warrior that lies within
the belly of every man.

A warrior who, in my case,
has always gone unsatisfied.

I tried to satisfy him
but without pain.

That's what the craven do, sometimes.

They stand out of the fray,

thump their egos along with their chests,

and let others do the fighting.

Well, thank you all for staying late.

I did some research of my own.

As you may know, I pride myself
on being a conscientious fact finder.

Here we go.

Mad cow disease is here.

And for all the guarantees
supplied by the government,

the scientific community
doesn't back them up.

We all have a right to be concerned.

The governmental agencies
in place to protect us

seem to be controlled by the industries
we need protection from.

This mad cow disease started out
in Europe and worked its way over here,

and it is true the scientists
are at odds with our government,

but as a trier of fact,

a judge must rely on facts.

And there is no evidence of an epidemic.

If a judge were to allow himself
to be governed by fear alone,

well, then it is true,
and I agree.

It would make him a...

A nansy-pansy.

This judge is anything but.

I find the law banning
the sale of red meat

to be premature, if not capricious,
and it is hereby overturned.

Way to go, judge.

Case adjourned.

Anybody up for a burger?

Thank you, thank you.

Thank god.

Well, Denny, I admit,
I had my doubts.

But you won this case.
Thank you.

Does this mean we're
having sex tonight?

Allow me the dream a little longer.

I won the day.

I deserve to be rewarded.

I'll give you this.

Denny, Denny,

Denny Crane.

I must be acquitted.
She's not smiling.

Madam foreperson, you've reached
a unanimous verdict?

- We have, your honor.
- What say you?

Commonwealth vs. Alan Shore,

on the count of conspiracy
to commit aggravated assault,

we find the defendant
Alan Shore not guilty.

We appeal, judge.

Members of the jury, this completes
your service. You can go.

Mr. Shore.

This probably doesn't have to be goodbye

so much as until we meet again.

Yes, your honor.

She's attracted to me.

No doubt.

Tara...

I am sorry.

I never meant to put you in any danger.

I know.

When you...

launched into that diatribe
about me being the...

The universe?

You even said you were sick of it.

Are you sick of me?

Are you sick of me, Tara?

No.

As much as I...

loathe sentiment together
with its expression,

I cherish you.

You should just know...

you really, really smell good.

You smell good, too.

How'd you do?

The jury was out 15 minutes.
Not guilty.

They took pity on me.

Congratulations.

I heard you won.

Everything okay?

I don't have Alzheimer's.

I have mad cow disease.

Well, it's nice to finally know.

Ever beat up anybody
with your bare hands?

Many times.

Why?

Just asking.

Have you?

No.

Well...

it makes you a better man
than I, I guess.

I guess so.