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1
00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:08,310
Hey, Grandma!
2
00:00:08,344 --> 00:00:09,344
Huh?
3
00:00:10,827 --> 00:00:12,137
Guess what today is.
4
00:00:12,172 --> 00:00:15,413
Uh, is it National
Spaghetti Day?
5
00:00:15,448 --> 00:00:16,965
The day that
the Chinese
6
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,862
gave the recipe to
the fuckin' white people?
7
00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:22,827
They call it Italian?
Aw, man!
8
00:00:22,862 --> 00:00:25,241
No, wait.
That's January the fourth.
9
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,103
No. No, Grandma,
today is when
10
00:00:27,137 --> 00:00:28,896
I get my car
outta impound.
11
00:00:28,931 --> 00:00:31,655
Out of the tow yard!
Love after lockup!
12
00:00:31,689 --> 00:00:33,517
See this?
It's a check from Nancy.
13
00:00:33,551 --> 00:00:35,275
379 big boys.
14
00:00:35,310 --> 00:00:38,620
Oh, bow-bow.
I'm so proud of you.
15
00:00:38,655 --> 00:00:40,517
Proud like when
I won that...
16
00:00:40,551 --> 00:00:42,931
"Magic: The Gathering"
tournament back in 7th grade?
17
00:00:42,965 --> 00:00:44,724
Ah, here we go.
18
00:00:46,275 --> 00:00:48,413
I remember that game
like it was yesterday.
19
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:49,965
My Loam Dweller
was at a 2/2,
20
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,931
my Villainous Ogre
at 3/2.
21
00:00:51,965 --> 00:00:54,206
Oh, I had this
Orochi Sustainer but...
22
00:00:54,241 --> 00:00:56,034
it wasn't enough.
23
00:00:56,068 --> 00:00:57,379
My Moss Kami,
24
00:00:57,413 --> 00:00:59,724
he was backed by this
removal spell, but...
25
00:01:00,896 --> 00:01:03,000
...couldn't have made
a significant impact.
26
00:01:03,034 --> 00:01:06,344
Then...
then, I drew the--
27
00:01:06,379 --> 00:01:07,620
the greatest card
of all time,
28
00:01:07,655 --> 00:01:09,896
the Lord of Eiganjo.
29
00:01:09,931 --> 00:01:11,862
My opponent tried to
throw it down
with a Glitterfang,
30
00:01:11,896 --> 00:01:14,413
but mmm,
my Gibbering Kami
31
00:01:14,448 --> 00:01:16,275
brought the whole
house down.
32
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,758
I looked my opponent
in the eyes,
33
00:01:17,793 --> 00:01:20,137
he was shiverin'
in his boots.
34
00:01:20,172 --> 00:01:21,862
Didn't he die?
35
00:01:21,896 --> 00:01:23,793
Yeah, that guy...
yeah, he died.
36
00:01:25,344 --> 00:01:27,965
But anyway,
I'm taking you out, girl!
37
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,517
To a fancy place,
with this.
38
00:01:32,689 --> 00:01:33,965
Ha ha!Yeah!
39
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,034
I'm gonna take you out
for some "cherra"...
40
00:01:36,068 --> 00:01:38,103
"cherraskaree,"
"cherraskaria."
41
00:01:38,137 --> 00:01:39,620
Anyway, I gotta go.
42
00:01:39,655 --> 00:01:41,275
I'm gonna wear
my funeral suit!
43
00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:42,586
Whip it out, girl!
44
00:01:52,137 --> 00:01:53,620
Hey, Faruque!
45
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:54,689
Hi, Nora!
46
00:01:54,724 --> 00:01:55,931
Looks like you're having
a good day.
47
00:01:55,965 --> 00:01:58,034
Oh, I am. I'm gettin'
my car out of jail.
48
00:01:58,068 --> 00:02:00,517
Cool!
You want a free kebab?
49
00:02:00,551 --> 00:02:02,655
They're from yesterday
so they're extra gamy.
50
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,931
Oh, my G-- Yes!
51
00:02:04,965 --> 00:02:06,620
Oh, it's a big boy!Yeah!
52
00:02:06,655 --> 00:02:07,896
Thanks, Faruque.
53
00:02:07,931 --> 00:02:09,482
♪ It starts in my toes
54
00:02:09,517 --> 00:02:11,448
♪ Makes me crinkle
my nose ♪
55
00:02:11,482 --> 00:02:12,862
♪ Wherever it goes
56
00:02:12,896 --> 00:02:14,206
Well, I guess
the search is over,
57
00:02:14,241 --> 00:02:17,034
'cause I found a old-ass
Bobby Fischer.
58
00:02:17,068 --> 00:02:18,862
Bye, guys.
Have a good one.
59
00:02:18,896 --> 00:02:22,103
♪ Just take your time
wherever you go ♪
60
00:02:22,137 --> 00:02:23,758
♪ It starts in my toes
61
00:02:23,793 --> 00:02:25,689
♪ Makes me crinkle
my nose ♪
62
00:02:25,724 --> 00:02:29,379
♪ Wherever it goes
I always know ♪
63
00:02:29,413 --> 00:02:30,862
♪ That you make me smile
64
00:02:30,896 --> 00:02:33,034
♪ Please stay for awhile now
65
00:02:33,068 --> 00:02:36,275
♪ Just take your time
wherever you go ♪
66
00:02:36,310 --> 00:02:38,448
♪ Wherever you go ♪
67
00:02:38,482 --> 00:02:40,310
Hello.
68
00:02:40,344 --> 00:02:42,551
Hello--
69
00:02:55,034 --> 00:02:56,931
Hello?
70
00:03:01,517 --> 00:03:03,000
Oh!
71
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,793
My baby!
72
00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:19,413
Yeah!
73
00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:20,620
My sweet baby!
74
00:03:20,655 --> 00:03:22,103
Yes?Oh!
75
00:03:22,137 --> 00:03:23,862
I'm sorry.
I didn't see you...
76
00:03:23,896 --> 00:03:25,793
come out from there.Can I help you?
77
00:03:25,827 --> 00:03:27,103
Yeah, I'm just here
actually to--
78
00:03:27,137 --> 00:03:28,758
to get my car
out of prison.
79
00:03:28,793 --> 00:03:30,413
Number 3-4-0-2.
80
00:03:30,448 --> 00:03:31,862
Um, so sorry,
I'm a little sweaty.
81
00:03:31,896 --> 00:03:34,103
I just walked all the way
from Elmhurst.
82
00:03:34,137 --> 00:03:35,482
I don't have
sweat glands.
83
00:03:35,517 --> 00:03:37,793
Oh.Everything just
stays inside me.
84
00:03:37,827 --> 00:03:39,275
Oh.Every day is
a nightmare.
85
00:03:39,310 --> 00:03:41,931
'Kay.Is your car your baby?
86
00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:44,034
No.Did you birth it?
87
00:03:44,068 --> 00:03:47,034
N-No, I-I bought--
Um, you know,
88
00:03:47,068 --> 00:03:49,689
I just wanted to...
bail my car out.
89
00:03:49,724 --> 00:03:50,931
Do-- Do you--
Do you accept checks?
90
00:03:50,965 --> 00:03:52,517
We don't accept checks.
91
00:03:52,551 --> 00:03:54,034
Why?
Because!
92
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,724
Checks are annoying.
93
00:03:55,758 --> 00:03:57,068
I have to put it
in a ledger,
94
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,172
fill out a ton
of paperwork.
95
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,896
I don't got
the time for that.
96
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:02,413
I've got a lot
going on.
97
00:04:02,448 --> 00:04:04,206
Do you wanna
hang out sometime?
98
00:04:04,241 --> 00:04:06,034
I-I can't.
I just-- I can't.
99
00:04:06,068 --> 00:04:08,482
Uh, I can't do it.
Anyway, um...
100
00:04:21,310 --> 00:04:24,827
♪ You've got me feeling
like a child now ♪
101
00:04:24,862 --> 00:04:28,793
♪ 'Cause every time
I see your bubbly face ♪
102
00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:31,310
♪ I get the tingles in
a silly place ♪
103
00:04:31,344 --> 00:04:34,758
♪ It starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose ♪
104
00:04:34,793 --> 00:04:38,379
♪ Wherever it goes
I always know ♪
105
00:04:38,413 --> 00:04:42,413
♪ That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now ♪
106
00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:47,517
♪ Just take your time
wherever you go ♪
107
00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:51,068
♪ Rain is fallin' on
my window pane ♪
108
00:04:51,103 --> 00:04:54,896
♪ But we are hidin' in
a safer place ♪
109
00:04:54,931 --> 00:04:58,482
♪ Under covers
stayin' dry and warm ♪
110
00:04:58,517 --> 00:05:01,275
♪ You give me feelings
that I adore ♪
111
00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:04,862
♪ It starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose ♪
112
00:05:04,896 --> 00:05:08,689
♪ Wherever it goes
I always know ♪
113
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:12,482
♪ That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now ♪
114
00:05:12,517 --> 00:05:17,448
♪ Just take your time
wherever you go ♪
115
00:05:17,482 --> 00:05:19,137
♪ Wherever
116
00:05:19,172 --> 00:05:21,551
♪ Wherever
117
00:05:21,586 --> 00:05:26,000
♪ Wherever you go ♪
118
00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:28,620
Yes!
119
00:05:40,517 --> 00:05:42,000
Hi.
Hello.
120
00:05:42,034 --> 00:05:45,241
I would love to...
cash this... here check.
121
00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:46,310
Okay.If I may?
122
00:05:46,344 --> 00:05:48,241
Thank you.Name on the account,
please.
123
00:05:48,275 --> 00:05:50,689
Yes, it's Nora,
N-O-R-A, no "H."
124
00:05:52,068 --> 00:05:53,413
Lin, L-I-N.
125
00:05:53,448 --> 00:05:56,034
Nora Lin, Forley Road,
Elmhurst?
126
00:05:56,068 --> 00:05:57,379
That is correct, yes.
127
00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:59,689
It says here
you're dead.
128
00:05:59,724 --> 00:06:01,379
Sorry, what?!
129
00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:02,862
The bank automatically
closes accounts
130
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:04,551
that have been
inactive for two years.
131
00:06:04,586 --> 00:06:06,310
We assume you died.No.
132
00:06:06,344 --> 00:06:09,758
No, no. No.
I am-- I am alive!
133
00:06:09,793 --> 00:06:10,827
Here's what I can do.
134
00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:12,517
If you want to
reopen your account,
135
00:06:12,551 --> 00:06:14,344
I just need a form
of identification.
136
00:06:14,379 --> 00:06:16,758
Yes. Actually, I can
accommodate with that.
137
00:06:18,068 --> 00:06:20,034
Okay, here we go, that's...
138
00:06:21,137 --> 00:06:22,620
Yes.Thank you.
139
00:06:22,655 --> 00:06:24,379
This is expired.
140
00:06:24,413 --> 00:06:25,620
Where does it
say that?
141
00:06:25,655 --> 00:06:27,103
No, no.
142
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:28,586
Because this license
is expired,
143
00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:29,655
I'm legally obligated
to do this.
144
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:31,034
Oh. Oh. Oh!
145
00:06:31,068 --> 00:06:32,689
Oh!
146
00:06:32,724 --> 00:06:36,034
Oh...
Do you have another
form of identification?
147
00:06:36,068 --> 00:06:38,482
Do you know your
social security number?
148
00:06:38,517 --> 00:06:40,310
Yes!
Yes, I know it.
149
00:06:40,344 --> 00:06:42,448
Um, it's 1-8...
150
00:06:43,655 --> 00:06:46,103
hundred,
5-7-9-6-8-5-9.
151
00:06:46,137 --> 00:06:48,379
Okay, that's
too many numbers.
152
00:06:48,413 --> 00:06:49,965
Why do I even need
a bank account?
153
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,310
Well, for starters,
to build up your credit,
154
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:52,586
apply for a loan,
buy a house
155
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,379
and get a mortgage,
not to mention
156
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:56,172
set up a basic
investment portfolio
157
00:06:56,206 --> 00:06:57,896
and formulate
a retirement plan.
158
00:06:57,931 --> 00:06:59,896
But without proper
identification,
159
00:06:59,931 --> 00:07:02,862
I can't verify
that a...
160
00:07:02,896 --> 00:07:05,517
Nora Lin
actually exists.
161
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,000
Sorry.
162
00:07:10,275 --> 00:07:11,448
Hey.
163
00:07:11,482 --> 00:07:12,793
What if you asked me
something
164
00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:15,551
that only the real
Nora Lin would know?
165
00:07:15,586 --> 00:07:17,689
I literally know
nothing about you.
166
00:07:17,724 --> 00:07:18,931
So, I can't cash this check?
167
00:07:18,965 --> 00:07:20,206
Nope.
168
00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:24,241
I... look like
a fucking blow-up doll!
169
00:07:24,275 --> 00:07:26,068
Huh?!
170
00:07:26,103 --> 00:07:29,206
Thank you for being
so fucking lovely.You're welcome.
171
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:31,517
Have a nice day.Yeah!
172
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:33,551
What are you
lookin' at?!
173
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:39,172
Okay, social... social...
social security card.
174
00:07:39,206 --> 00:07:40,827
What's this?
175
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:43,931
"Please respond within
ten days
176
00:07:43,965 --> 00:07:45,862
or we will close
your bank account."
177
00:07:45,896 --> 00:07:48,137
Okay, so she did...
178
00:07:48,172 --> 00:07:51,206
Oh, Pogs!
179
00:07:52,275 --> 00:07:54,344
Hell, yeah,
where's the slammer?
180
00:07:54,379 --> 00:07:56,931
Nora.Hey!
181
00:07:56,965 --> 00:07:59,965
You think this is nice
for our dinner?
182
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,137
It's my funeral outfit.
183
00:08:02,172 --> 00:08:04,413
Your funeral outfit
is... hot.
184
00:08:04,448 --> 00:08:07,586
♪ I bump it
with a trumpet ♪
185
00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,689
♪ Bump, bump, bump
186
00:08:09,724 --> 00:08:11,655
What about your car?
187
00:08:11,689 --> 00:08:14,034
Oh. It's out
gettin' cleaned,
188
00:08:14,068 --> 00:08:15,793
'cause I gotta
make it nice, right?
189
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:17,275
Because I'm taking
you out to
190
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:19,413
the nicest restaurant
in the city.
191
00:08:19,448 --> 00:08:21,551
Okay. To...
192
00:08:27,448 --> 00:08:30,000
I'm gonna make a reservation
for later this week.
193
00:08:30,034 --> 00:08:31,206
Oh. Oh!
194
00:08:31,241 --> 00:08:33,379
And let's go to
a jazz club afterwards.
195
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:36,586
And we'll pick up some
rough trade!
196
00:08:37,931 --> 00:08:40,034
God, why'd I just
do that?
197
00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:43,034
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit.
198
00:08:43,068 --> 00:08:44,344
Okay.
199
00:08:44,379 --> 00:08:46,103
♪ Hellooo
200
00:08:46,137 --> 00:08:47,310
Hey, Edmund.
201
00:08:47,344 --> 00:08:49,172
I need my social
security number.
Do you have it?
202
00:08:49,206 --> 00:08:50,310
Are you kidding me?
203
00:08:50,344 --> 00:08:52,482
You don't know your
own social security number?
204
00:08:52,517 --> 00:08:54,034
A lot of people...
205
00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:55,827
don't know their
social security numbers.
206
00:08:55,862 --> 00:08:57,551
Why do you think
I would know that?
207
00:08:57,586 --> 00:08:59,793
Can't you just hack into
the government or somethin'?
208
00:08:59,827 --> 00:09:01,724
Pull up my file?
209
00:09:01,758 --> 00:09:03,344
Oh, my God, grow up.
210
00:09:03,379 --> 00:09:05,551
Just go to
the Social Security Office.
211
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:07,896
Where? The Social Security Office.
212
00:09:07,931 --> 00:09:09,000
Where's that now?
213
00:09:09,034 --> 00:09:11,034
The Social Security Off--
you know what?
214
00:09:11,068 --> 00:09:12,137
I don't have
time for this.
215
00:09:12,172 --> 00:09:13,551
I have to go to
my voice lesson.
216
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,241
You're taking
voice lessons?
217
00:09:15,275 --> 00:09:18,068
♪ Goodbye...
218
00:09:18,103 --> 00:09:19,793
Oh, he's gettin' good.
219
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:25,931
Oh, my...
220
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,965
It's like a Supreme drop,
am I right?
221
00:09:29,137 --> 00:09:30,758
So, uh, what are you
in for?
222
00:09:30,793 --> 00:09:33,551
I just got married and I have to
change the name on my card.
223
00:09:33,586 --> 00:09:35,517
So, marriage, huh?
224
00:09:35,551 --> 00:09:36,758
What's that like,
225
00:09:36,793 --> 00:09:39,448
taking on your husband's name
and wearin' it for life?
226
00:09:39,482 --> 00:09:40,931
I mean, where did feminism
go, right? I mean...
227
00:09:40,965 --> 00:09:44,482
My wife and I are changing
our last names to Timberlake...
228
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,241
because we are big fans.
229
00:09:47,310 --> 00:09:48,275
'Kay?
230
00:09:48,310 --> 00:09:50,206
Okay.
231
00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:54,482
Looks like a lot of paperwork
you got there 'cause, uh,
232
00:09:54,517 --> 00:09:57,413
I-I feel unprepared.
I didn't bring that much.
233
00:09:57,448 --> 00:09:59,482
Oh, yeah.
234
00:09:59,517 --> 00:10:01,689
I brought all the documentation
this time.
235
00:10:03,068 --> 00:10:05,344
Birth certificate,
marriage license,
236
00:10:05,379 --> 00:10:07,000
proof of address.
237
00:10:07,034 --> 00:10:10,344
I've got my report card
from Cornell,
238
00:10:10,379 --> 00:10:13,137
all my bank account info.
239
00:10:13,172 --> 00:10:14,931
If I have to come back...
240
00:10:14,965 --> 00:10:17,551
to apply for spousal benefits,
I will flip.
241
00:10:17,586 --> 00:10:20,758
I will seriously flip!
242
00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:21,965
You had to
come back here?
243
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,620
Yeah, this is my third time.
244
00:10:23,655 --> 00:10:24,965
I can't do it.What?
245
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,344
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
246
00:10:26,379 --> 00:10:28,758
I just-- I can't do it.
I can't do it.
247
00:10:28,793 --> 00:10:30,517
There's no way out.
248
00:10:32,068 --> 00:10:34,965
It's been... three hours!
249
00:10:53,103 --> 00:10:54,206
Come on.
250
00:10:54,241 --> 00:10:55,275
Hi!
251
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:56,586
How are ya?
Nice to see ya.
252
00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:58,827
Hi.I had a question
253
00:10:58,862 --> 00:11:02,000
about your, um...
fake IDs.
254
00:11:02,034 --> 00:11:03,482
Your fake IDs.
255
00:11:03,517 --> 00:11:05,482
Is there a special
discount, say,
256
00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:07,862
if I wanted to put, like,
my real information on it?
257
00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:09,413
Wait over there!
258
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:18,034
Oh, man.
259
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:20,379
So many kids
and their fake IDs.
260
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,034
The line is so long.
261
00:11:22,068 --> 00:11:25,103
Actually, that's my bad.
I'm waiting for six IDs.
262
00:11:25,137 --> 00:11:27,034
Six IDs for what?
263
00:11:27,068 --> 00:11:29,206
Oh, for focus groups.
Yeah.
264
00:11:29,241 --> 00:11:30,448
Do you know
what focus groups are?
265
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,448
No.
They're groups
where you get paid
266
00:11:32,482 --> 00:11:35,068
to test products before
they go on the market.
267
00:11:35,103 --> 00:11:36,448
Uh-huh.It's amazing,
268
00:11:36,482 --> 00:11:37,620
and they're always looking
for, like, different demos.
269
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,379
That's inside business
for "demographics."
270
00:11:40,413 --> 00:11:42,241
Mm-hmm.That's why I get a bunch
of different IDs.
271
00:11:42,275 --> 00:11:44,620
Yeah.
It's really easy cash.
272
00:11:44,655 --> 00:11:46,379
Oh, man.
273
00:11:46,413 --> 00:11:47,758
Yeah, I need cash.
274
00:11:47,793 --> 00:11:49,103
I have this, like,
one check on me
275
00:11:49,137 --> 00:11:50,896
and it's ruining my life.
It's like...
276
00:11:50,931 --> 00:11:52,137
Checks?
277
00:11:52,172 --> 00:11:53,344
That's how the government
keeps tabs on you.
278
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,034
You don't need checks.
279
00:11:55,068 --> 00:11:56,275
Yeah, I don't need--
I don't need checks.
280
00:11:56,310 --> 00:11:57,655
Yeah, for real.
281
00:11:57,689 --> 00:11:59,103
You know what?
282
00:11:59,137 --> 00:12:00,655
You should do
a focus group or two.
283
00:12:00,689 --> 00:12:02,000
I think you'd be
amazing at it
284
00:12:02,034 --> 00:12:06,724
because I can't tell if
you're nine or ninety-nine.
285
00:12:06,758 --> 00:12:08,517
I'm not saying you have
a sex slave kinda look,
286
00:12:08,551 --> 00:12:10,172
but it could help.
287
00:12:10,206 --> 00:12:11,965
Are you, like,
a citizen?
288
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,413
Wh-- how do you mean?
289
00:12:13,448 --> 00:12:14,551
Doesn't matter.Okay.
290
00:12:14,586 --> 00:12:15,793
Your English is so
good, by the way.
291
00:12:15,827 --> 00:12:17,034
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
292
00:12:17,068 --> 00:12:18,931
Well, I think you'd be
amazing for focus groups.
293
00:12:18,965 --> 00:12:20,586
Yeah, I think
you're amazing.
294
00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:23,172
You stick with me,
boo-boo. I got you.
295
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:30,689
So, what did everyone
think of the apple juice?
296
00:12:30,724 --> 00:12:34,620
Let's start with our high school
student from Jackson Heights.
297
00:12:34,655 --> 00:12:36,620
Tiffie X. Baybee.
298
00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:38,827
Um...
299
00:12:38,862 --> 00:12:40,827
♪ We-we get it
we-we-we get it ♪
300
00:12:40,862 --> 00:12:43,379
It was, like, so good.
301
00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:44,517
♪ We-we get it
302
00:12:44,551 --> 00:12:48,517
Almost like
a liquid apple pie.
303
00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:51,034
♪ We-we get it
we-we-we get it ♪
304
00:12:51,068 --> 00:12:53,689
Mmm!
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mmm.
305
00:12:53,724 --> 00:12:55,965
As a blogger
and a mom,
306
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,275
I-I just think this
barbecue sauce too tangy.
307
00:12:58,310 --> 00:12:59,655
And as the Puerto Rican
Paula Deen
308
00:12:59,689 --> 00:13:01,344
of my neighborhood,
I concur.
309
00:13:01,379 --> 00:13:03,551
♪ What-what-wha-what
What-wha-what ♪
310
00:13:03,586 --> 00:13:05,379
♪ We got two cups
311
00:13:05,413 --> 00:13:06,655
Charmaine Dragontooth,
312
00:13:06,689 --> 00:13:08,793
48-year-old retired
male person.
313
00:13:09,931 --> 00:13:12,827
Eric Chao, 19 1/2,
and I'm a boy.
314
00:13:15,379 --> 00:13:17,310
Yeah, actually
Tiffie told me
315
00:13:17,344 --> 00:13:19,931
it reminded her
of apple pie.
316
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:23,034
I liked it so much
that I would love to bring
317
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:25,344
a whole liter
to my high school,
318
00:13:25,379 --> 00:13:27,137
of which I am
a student.
319
00:13:27,172 --> 00:13:29,034
And I would love to
share it with my bestest
320
00:13:29,068 --> 00:13:33,034
unnies, hyungs,and nunas,
um, over at the KFC,
321
00:13:33,068 --> 00:13:36,068
which stands for the Korean
Foundation for Christians.
322
00:13:36,103 --> 00:13:38,724
♪ Come fill it up
Come-come fill it up ♪
323
00:13:38,758 --> 00:13:40,137
I just adopted him.
324
00:13:40,172 --> 00:13:43,931
Yeah, I became a Rockefeller,
um, through marriage, obviously.
325
00:13:43,965 --> 00:13:45,000
Yeah, and you know what?
326
00:13:45,034 --> 00:13:48,172
As a size-18 Cuban
Republican, I concur.
327
00:13:48,206 --> 00:13:49,482
♪ I'm sippin' on that lean...
328
00:13:49,517 --> 00:13:50,965
We can take these
with us, right?
329
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,103
♪ Come fill it up
330
00:13:52,137 --> 00:13:53,517
♪ Come-come fill it up
Fill it up ♪
331
00:13:53,551 --> 00:13:55,517
♪ We get it
We-we-we get it ♪
332
00:13:55,551 --> 00:13:58,034
♪ We-we get it
We get it, surrender ♪
333
00:13:58,068 --> 00:14:00,344
♪ We-we get it
We-we-we get it ♪
334
00:14:00,379 --> 00:14:02,793
♪ We-we get it
We get it, surrender ♪
335
00:14:02,827 --> 00:14:05,241
♪ We-we get it
We get it, surren-ren-ren ♪
336
00:14:05,275 --> 00:14:07,517
♪ I'm trippin' on that lean
not that hood stuff ♪
337
00:14:07,551 --> 00:14:09,827
♪ I'm trippin' I be lean
on the good stuff ♪
338
00:14:09,862 --> 00:14:12,206
♪ I'm trippin' I be leanin'
off that hood stuff ♪
339
00:14:12,241 --> 00:14:14,724
♪ Wh-wh-what
We got two cups ♪
340
00:14:14,758 --> 00:14:17,034
♪ I'm trippin' I be leanin'
off that hood stuff ♪
341
00:14:17,068 --> 00:14:19,344
♪ I'm trippin' I be
leanin' off that hood stuff ♪
342
00:14:19,379 --> 00:14:22,344
♪ Wh-wh-what
We got two cups ♪
343
00:14:25,275 --> 00:14:26,275
Hi, there.Hi.
344
00:14:26,310 --> 00:14:27,379
How are ya?How are you?
345
00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:28,758
Lolo Chen and Nina Winn
346
00:14:28,793 --> 00:14:30,310
here for the Pillow
Princess focus group.
347
00:14:30,344 --> 00:14:31,344
Okay.
348
00:14:33,241 --> 00:14:34,241
Excuse me.
349
00:14:36,034 --> 00:14:38,241
God! We are such
a good team.
350
00:14:38,275 --> 00:14:39,551
We are.
351
00:14:39,586 --> 00:14:41,275
God, I hop-- I hope
they have water on this one
352
00:14:41,310 --> 00:14:43,379
'cause I ate so many
Saltines at that last one...
353
00:14:43,413 --> 00:14:45,896
Yeah.
...my tongue swelled up
to, like, a raisin.
354
00:14:45,931 --> 00:14:47,137
Oh, I thought
that's just, like,
355
00:14:47,172 --> 00:14:49,655
what, like, Asian girls'
tongues look like.
356
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:50,758
No.
357
00:14:50,793 --> 00:14:52,344
I don't know.
What am I, Dr. Oz?
358
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:54,724
I think you're actually
359
00:14:54,758 --> 00:14:56,551
an enhanced version
of Meghan Markle.
360
00:14:56,586 --> 00:14:58,724
This is amazing.
I'm gonna write
a memoir about this.
361
00:14:58,758 --> 00:15:00,758
I'd love to be
involved somehow.
362
00:15:00,793 --> 00:15:02,655
Could you be
my ghostwriter?
363
00:15:02,689 --> 00:15:03,896
Yeah!
364
00:15:03,931 --> 00:15:06,931
But, um... don't make it
too spooky, you know?
365
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,379
Oh, shit!Stay right there!
366
00:15:09,413 --> 00:15:11,000
Hey!Oh, hell, no!
367
00:15:11,034 --> 00:15:12,137
Oh!Oh, hell, no!
368
00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:13,586
Oh, no!No!
369
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:16,241
Help us! Go!Oh!
370
00:15:16,275 --> 00:15:17,655
Whoa! I can't run!
371
00:15:17,689 --> 00:15:19,655
Nope. Nope, nope, nope.
Fine!
372
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:24,724
So, Nora, you want to
tell us
373
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,655
how long you've been
working with Margaret?
374
00:15:26,689 --> 00:15:28,896
Who is Margaret?
375
00:15:32,344 --> 00:15:35,034
Oh. Oh!
Oh!
376
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,137
Oh.
377
00:15:37,172 --> 00:15:39,172
I do know her.
Yes, I do.
378
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:41,275
I do know her.
Um...
379
00:15:41,310 --> 00:15:43,310
I-I guess I never
got her name.
380
00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:45,379
How long have the two of
you been partners?
381
00:15:45,413 --> 00:15:48,379
Partners? I mean...
it was like one kiss.
382
00:15:48,413 --> 00:15:49,793
Real quick, no tongue.
383
00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:52,103
This is Margaret
Katherine Willincotty.
384
00:15:52,137 --> 00:15:53,724
She's a professional
scam artist,
385
00:15:53,758 --> 00:15:56,758
wanted by the FBI in
four states for fraud,
386
00:15:56,793 --> 00:15:58,862
embezzlement,
money laundering...
387
00:15:58,896 --> 00:16:00,793
No.
No, no, no. No.
388
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:04,068
No, I-- she was--
she seemed real nice.
389
00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,413
I met her in line gettin'
fake IDs, all right?
390
00:16:07,448 --> 00:16:09,034
I was in line
to get fake IDs
391
00:16:09,068 --> 00:16:10,241
and she was all like,
392
00:16:10,275 --> 00:16:12,275
"I can't tell if
you're 12 or 47."
393
00:16:12,310 --> 00:16:14,034
And I took that
as a compliment.
394
00:16:14,068 --> 00:16:17,413
So, you weren't in Nashville,
Tennessee on April 23rd?
395
00:16:17,448 --> 00:16:20,448
No, no. I've never
left the Tri-State area.
396
00:16:20,482 --> 00:16:22,068
I can believe that.
397
00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:27,206
I just, um...
398
00:16:27,241 --> 00:16:29,172
I just wanted to
make some money.
399
00:16:29,206 --> 00:16:32,172
Wanted to bail my car
out of car jail
400
00:16:32,206 --> 00:16:34,827
and take my grandma
to dinner.
401
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:37,137
I really want to
call her right now.
402
00:16:40,275 --> 00:16:42,517
She's no criminal.
She's nobody.
403
00:16:44,827 --> 00:16:46,000
I heard that.
404
00:16:46,034 --> 00:16:48,379
Okay.
This is depressing.
405
00:16:51,827 --> 00:16:54,000
It's really interesting.
406
00:16:54,034 --> 00:16:56,000
That prostitute
with one hand,
407
00:16:56,034 --> 00:16:58,103
I'm glad it didn't
ruin her career.
408
00:16:58,137 --> 00:16:59,827
Yeah.
409
00:16:59,862 --> 00:17:01,793
Grandma, I'm sorry.
410
00:17:01,827 --> 00:17:05,206
Aww.Just like a sad nobody.
411
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:08,448
What?! No, no.
Over here, sit down.
412
00:17:12,413 --> 00:17:14,000
You know, it's just--
413
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:16,275
there are all these things
that I don't know about,
414
00:17:16,310 --> 00:17:20,620
and, um... I-I don't
want to get left behind.
415
00:17:20,655 --> 00:17:22,724
Oh, bow-bow.
416
00:17:22,758 --> 00:17:25,413
You were born
the Year of the Monkey.
417
00:17:25,448 --> 00:17:28,517
The monkey is stubborn.
418
00:17:28,551 --> 00:17:31,448
If the monkey
had asked for help,
419
00:17:31,482 --> 00:17:35,068
she would have known
that I have your
social security card.
420
00:17:35,103 --> 00:17:36,482
You have my social
security card?
421
00:17:36,517 --> 00:17:39,931
Oh, yes! I keep it in
my business box.
422
00:17:39,965 --> 00:17:41,413
I also have
a business box, too.
423
00:17:41,448 --> 00:17:44,931
Yes, I know but,
uh, mine is better.
424
00:17:44,965 --> 00:17:48,034
It has documents of
actual purpose inside.
425
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:51,034
Grandma, I'm sorry that
we weren't able to go
426
00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:52,310
to jazz club rough trade.
427
00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:54,344
Oh, that's okay.
428
00:17:56,172 --> 00:17:58,206
God, you must be
so disappointed.
429
00:17:58,241 --> 00:17:59,655
No, bow-bow.
430
00:17:59,689 --> 00:18:02,551
You could never
disappoint me.
431
00:18:02,586 --> 00:18:06,482
You are the "Magic:
The Gathering" champion.
432
00:18:06,517 --> 00:18:09,034
Oh, I remember that game
like it was yesterday.
433
00:18:09,068 --> 00:18:12,310
Lord of Eiganjo.
My opponent was like,
434
00:18:12,344 --> 00:18:14,620
"Ooh, ooh no.
Got a Glitterfang."
435
00:18:14,655 --> 00:18:16,620
A what?
Nope!
436
00:18:16,655 --> 00:18:19,551
Because my-- my Gibbering Kami
as like do-do-do-do-doo.
437
00:18:19,586 --> 00:18:21,379
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.We brought
the whole house down.
438
00:18:21,413 --> 00:18:22,896
Man, he shit his pants.
439
00:18:28,137 --> 00:18:31,103
♪ Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! ♪
440
00:18:31,137 --> 00:18:33,172
♪ Get up
Everybody get up ♪
441
00:18:35,827 --> 00:18:37,000
Hello.
442
00:18:37,034 --> 00:18:38,689
Hi .Remember me?
443
00:18:38,724 --> 00:18:41,517
Um, I would like to reopen
my bank account, please.
444
00:18:41,551 --> 00:18:44,206
As you will find here,
I have my birth certificate.
445
00:18:44,241 --> 00:18:45,379
Yes, I was born.
446
00:18:45,413 --> 00:18:47,034
Great.
Social security
card, right?
447
00:18:47,068 --> 00:18:48,379
There ya go.
All right.
Yeah.
448
00:18:48,413 --> 00:18:49,931
Me in elementary school
as a baby.
449
00:18:49,965 --> 00:18:51,103
I went to school when
I was a baby.
450
00:18:51,137 --> 00:18:52,655
Huh.Yeah.
451
00:18:52,689 --> 00:18:53,862
Actually, we're good
with the IDs.
452
00:18:53,896 --> 00:18:55,034
And, uh,
this check here,
453
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:57,413
that I would love to cash
after I reopen my account.
454
00:18:57,448 --> 00:19:00,034
Thank you very much.
455
00:19:00,068 --> 00:19:03,137
I'm a very important
customer here.
456
00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:05,620
Don't mess with me.
I know people.
457
00:19:05,655 --> 00:19:08,000
I'll-- I'll get that
taken care of
right away, Mrs. Lin.
458
00:19:08,034 --> 00:19:10,482
Yeah.
459
00:19:11,724 --> 00:19:14,241
Whoa, Grandma, that was--
you're intense.
460
00:19:14,275 --> 00:19:15,655
Uh, Miss Lin.
461
00:19:15,689 --> 00:19:17,931
Your account has been
reactivated
462
00:19:17,965 --> 00:19:20,310
and the check
has been deposited.
Cool.
463
00:19:20,344 --> 00:19:22,620
And, because you're
technically opening
a new account,
464
00:19:22,655 --> 00:19:26,034
I can offer you
a $25 signing bonus.
465
00:19:26,068 --> 00:19:27,896
I would love that.
Thank you.
466
00:19:27,931 --> 00:19:30,275
Uh, would you like it
deposited into the account?
467
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:31,586
In cash, please!
468
00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:32,827
Because I would
like to use it
469
00:19:32,862 --> 00:19:34,620
to take my grandma
to dinner.
470
00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:37,517
Oh, Nora.
You don't have to.
471
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,620
I want to.Here you go.
472
00:19:39,655 --> 00:19:42,689
I want crispy bills for
my granddaughter,
473
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:45,896
None of that wrinkly
shit that you pull
out of your asshole.
474
00:19:45,931 --> 00:19:47,896
Okay.
475
00:19:47,931 --> 00:19:49,896
Pleasure doing
business with you.
476
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:52,103
You too, Mrs. Lin.
Always a pleasure.
477
00:19:52,137 --> 00:19:53,758
Bye.
478
00:20:04,724 --> 00:20:08,344
Ahh...
cheers to Nora
479
00:20:08,379 --> 00:20:12,172
for getting
her car back.
480
00:20:12,206 --> 00:20:14,034
You know, I actually
enjoyed doing focus groups
481
00:20:14,068 --> 00:20:16,000
and I-I think that
a part of me was...
482
00:20:16,034 --> 00:20:17,344
actually
pretty good at it.
483
00:20:17,379 --> 00:20:19,482
Yes, you were!
484
00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:20,931
Proud of you.
485
00:20:20,965 --> 00:20:23,379
Thanks, Grandma.
S-speaking of,
486
00:20:23,413 --> 00:20:25,931
what do you think of your,
uh, beef noodle?
487
00:20:25,965 --> 00:20:28,034
You really want to know?
488
00:20:28,068 --> 00:20:30,931
Yeah, a-and expand
on it as well.
489
00:20:30,965 --> 00:20:34,000
Well, this looks
like spaghetti.
490
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:36,965
It looks like what
the white people did
491
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:41,137
when they went and
traveled the Silk Road
next to the Chinese,
492
00:20:41,172 --> 00:20:43,172
who were so trusting
and giving
493
00:20:43,206 --> 00:20:45,310
and sharing
their recipe.
494
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:47,344
And then they come home,
and they put
495
00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:49,482
some stupid tomato
sauce on it and--
496
00:20:49,517 --> 00:20:50,689
You'd be great
at focus groups
497
00:20:50,724 --> 00:20:52,172
if you were just, like,
a little less racist.
498
00:20:52,206 --> 00:20:53,689
What racist?Wha-what do you mean?
499
00:20:53,724 --> 00:20:54,827
What?What racist?
500
00:20:54,862 --> 00:20:56,413
You're not racist.No, I'm not racist.
501
00:20:56,448 --> 00:20:59,482
No.
Gee, whiz.
502
00:20:59,517 --> 00:21:02,413
I wish this didn't look
so much like spaghetti.
503
00:21:02,448 --> 00:21:04,275
Anyway, uh,
what a lovely dinner,
504
00:21:04,310 --> 00:21:05,931
and I'm so glad we were
able to eat...
505
00:21:05,965 --> 00:21:10,034
Chinese...
anyway, forget it.
506
00:21:36,172 --> 00:21:38,034
Who the is Awkwafina?
35482
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