Original subtitles

Where are they?

(MELLOW MUSIC)

(GRUNTING)

Nope. No.

Nope.

(SCOFFS)

Where's my car keys? This place is a pigsty!

Not sure even a pig would want this lettuce.

That's not lettuce. It's cheese.

Ugh! Ugh!

Oh, look, your keys.

I can't stand any more of this mess!

I'm going to my cab.

Kind of feel like we should clean up.

I agree. You should clean up.

All of us, come on.

Gramps shares his house with us.

Let's pep it up, give him a surprise.

If we all work together, we could get it done in no time.

(GROANS)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Oi, I--I just cleaned that!

Sorry.

Can you clean it again?

Okay, I will.

Oh, stop!

(GRUNTING)

Everyone, stop!

Working together is not working.

So Gramps is out in his cab

listening to all of country music's happy songs.

That gives us a very short time

to surprise him with a sparkling clean house.

We'll never manage it.

We keep getting in each other's way.

That's why I've got a plan.

Everyone gets their own space to clean

away from everybody else, which means--

No more broom and mop fights.

Exactly, it's fun and efficient.

Mm. I don't think so.

Okay, it's efficient.

I'll take the living room. Terrance gets the kitchen.

Danny gets the hall and landing.

Mom has got the bathroom. Esther has got the TV room,

and, Rainbow, you've got the garden.

But the garden is not messy.

Exactly, your job is to keep an eye on Gramps.

Make sure he stays out of the house until we're done.

Everyone know what they're doing?

Mm-hmm. Mm.

Yeah. Then let's go!

Mom, where's all the stuff?

I may have got a bit carried away throwing stuff out.

It's all in there.

Still, good effort, Mom.

Now I have to go if you don't mind.

No, that's fine.

Oh, "go"...in here.

Uh-huh. All right.

If you must, but don't make a mess.

Mom, where's the toilet paper?

This was such a great idea, sis--

Oh, thanks, Danny.

Because I've already found a way to make money from it.

I'm charging 1 pound a bag to get rid of everyone's trash.

Want to take advantage? No.

I can throw out my own trash.

Okay, 2 pounds! Prices are only going to go up, sis!

Any problems?

No, he hasn't moved, still listening to the CD.

Great. Well, there must be

more happy country songs than I thought.

If you could bring him back in 10 minutes, then--

Oh!

He's coming! Is everyone ready?

I'm not paying you to take out my rubbish!

Come on! It's only 3 pounds!

(GROANS)

Goldie?

Ow! Sorry!

I've just come to see if you'd try to--ow, again!

Sorry again!

(GROANS) (SIGHS)

# I've got a plan #

# I flew over the ocean to tell you how #

# Me and my fam #

# We caused a commotion #

# When we landed on my granddad #

# It's chaos at home but it's always fun #

# Fun fun fun fun #

# 'Cause you're never too old and you're never too young #

# Around here #

# So this is me #

# Just trying to keep it all together #

You okay, Gramps?

Not bad considering a door hit me in the face twice.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Was just checking the paint was face-proof.

Good news, it is.

Right, well, glad to help. Where are you going?

Well, back inside. That mess won't tidy itself.

No.

I mean, no, it won't, but you have to stay out here.

Why?

Because--

because Rainbow says you can't hack it.

She says you're a pampered house dweller

who couldn't survive outside for 5 minutes, didn't you?

Did I? Oh, yes.

I'm used to living by my wits in the, uh, outdoors.

I once lived in a ditch to raise awareness

about trench foot.

You couldn't even handle a driveway full of air.

I could if I wanted. Then prove it, Gramps.

You versus Rainbow staying out here using only your wits!

First person to give up has to buy the other

a month's supply of candy bars.

Ooh, I love a Tofu Temptation.

You'll be buying me 100 Sludge Bars by lunchtime.

Bring it on then. Oh, I will.

(LAUGHS)

You got rid of the trash!

Yeah, to make room for this.

Why is there a turnstile?

The hall and the landing are the busiest parts of the house.

I need to charge y'all to cover my costs.

What costs?

Turnstiles aren't free, Goldie.

Danny, no!

Take it down and keep cleaning

while I go check on the rest of the house.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

Uh, how's it going, Esther?

Shh, Delroy is about to attempt

a spiced tomato chutney while doing the paso doble!

Wow, I did not know you were a fan

of "Dancing with the Jars."

One ballroom, 12 jam makers.

both: Who can strain the pits while wiggling their hips?

I was polishing the remote and accidentally

switched it on. It's rather compulsive.

You can vote people off, you know.

Can you?

I love bumping strangers off from a distance.

Okay, well, I'm going to need you to keep cleaning

'cause Gramps is--

nice talking to you.

Paying go up to the bathroom? I won't do it!

Suit yourself.

Mm...

I won't forget this.

(CHUCKLES)

Why do you want to come in here?

Why do you think, the ambiance?

Can't you go somewhere else?

I'm sick of everybody messing this place up.

Everything okay? She won't let me in.

Why should I?

What do I get apart from more mess to clean?

Okay, well, what if Terrance gives you something

to make up for the mess?

Give her something, like what?

The apple pie from the kitchen.

Hot, with ice cream, now.

Fine.

But I get to leave the seat up.

Do you have time for this? Should I get the mop?

No, but keep it nearby.

Ice cream.

Oh! Rubbish?

Where has all this come from?

Oh, dear, what a nasty mess.

Why don't I take that off your hands for, say, uh, 4 pounds?

You.

Oh!

You've been dumping all your rubbish in my kitchen!

What was I supposed to do?

The trash cans are all the way outside.

That's it! Enough!

You're banned, all of you!

The kitchen is closed!

I'll take that.

How are these getting wetter?

Old newspapers?

What's that for? Protester's trick.

I wrap it round myself to keep warm.

Want some? I'm all right.

I've got blankets in the cab. And a pillow.

Of course you do.

Hanging in there, Gramps?

I could stay out here forever.

That's the spirit.

If he's enjoying it, you must be having an amazing time.

How much longer is this going to take?

It must be tidy in there by now.

You'd think.

Thing is, we've hit a small snag.

A barricade? Come on, Terrance.

We can't go on like this. I need snacks.

And I'm starving. How's it going?

Great, if you like total disasters.

You know, Sis, it's amazing the mess you make

when you try to clean up a mess.

This is not on me.

This is on you hiding people's garbage in the kitchen.

This is on all of you.

You've taken advantage of me and my kitchen for too long.

Finally, I've got it the way I like it:

uncontaminated by you lot!

Fine.

If that's how you want it, you're not allowed in my hall!

And the bathroom is out-of-bounds.

This is crazy!

You can't ban people from your cleaning areas.

Terrance, you're welcome in the living room, okay?

Anytime you like.

Really?

Terrance! Let me back in!

Go away! The living room is now part of the kitchen!

This means war.

(TENSE MUSIC)

The situation is grave.

Terrance has expanded his territory

by seizing the living room.

I suggest we counterattack here.

How about we go in through the TV room?

Maybe, but Esther is neutral.

She's watching "Dancing with the Jars."

Oh. Oh.

I'll go negotiate, see if we can get her onside.

We're going to have to strike back hard and soon.

Because we need snacks.

Because we need to get the house cleaned.

Rainbow can't keep Gramps out there forever.

You all right, Rainbow?

I could do this all night.

All night!

(SIGHS)

What? I'm busy. (LINE BEEPING)

Delroy can't nail the footwork for the tango,

and his marmalade has a bitter aftertaste!

What are you doing? Yes!

Welcome to "Dancing with the Jars."

Yes! Vote out Anika.

Delroy has to win.

Look, Esther. We need your help.

Terrance has taken the living room.

You could be next! Ha!

Anyone tries to get in here and they'll regret it.

I have a little security borrowed from friends

in high places.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a public vote to interfere with.

What?

Will people stop slamming doors in my face?

(OWL HOOTS)

Esther is not going to help. It's just the three of us.

But he'll be expecting us, and we're weak with hunger.

We'll never get through.

Oh, won't we?

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(PUMPS SQUELCH)

Let's flush him out.

You go, Mom!

Let's do this.

(SNIFFS) Ugh.

(SIGHS)

(WHOOSHING)

Ah!

The aliens! They've come back for me!

(DEVICE WHIRRING)

Maury?

The aliens brought you pizza?

Aliens? That was a drone delivery.

What about living off the land?

"Living by our wits," we said,

and I had the wit to order a pizza.

(SIGHS)

Getting cold feet?

Getting cold everything.

Well, you could give up. We could go inside.

Actually, I have a better idea.

What are you doing?

Living off my wits.

Your light's on,

so you're for hire.

Enjoy the front seat, Maury.

The living room is completely undefended.

This is easier than I thought.

Surprise!

It's an ambush! Take cover!

Ah! Ouch! Ooh.

Attack him!

Ah! Ah!

Hi-yah! Ah!

This is war! Ah!

Ah! Advance!

Ah! Ah!

Anyone for sprouts? (LAUGHS)

Oh! Take that.

Ow!

Also, yuck.

(PUMP SQUELCHES)

He's out of range!

I'm out of ammo! Retreat! Retreat!

(ALL YELLING)

This is the Whizzinton 45,

the most powerful hand whisk in the world.

One move and I'll pull the trigger,

covering you all in buttercream.

What do you want, Terrance?

To use the bathroom whenever I want,

to cross the hall without paying--

compete control.

But I'm a fair man.

In exchange, I'll feed you.

What do you say?

Good enough for me. The hall is yours, Terrance.

I really want some snacks.

What do I say?

I say, "Run," Goldie!

Ah!

(DRAMATIC CHOIR MUSIC)

(MIXER WHIRRING)

(LAUGHS) Yes!

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Mmm.

Danny, sweep the perimeter.

Hallway clear, Terrance.

(MARTIAL MUSIC)

That's it! The house is a mess.

Terrance has control. Gramps and Rainbow

stayed outside the whole night for nothing.

I failed.

Ugh, what a wimp.

What?

Kind of rude. What would you do?

I'd be a hero, obviously, but in times like these,

the real heroes bring peace, not war.

They find a way to bring unity in the darkest hours.

You're right. I shouldn't be attacking.

I should bring people together, but how can I do that

when I'm stuck in my room?

I wish Loren wasn't on holiday.

She'd have some kind of--

Here it comes.

Some kind of...

Wait.

Loren. The eaves tunnel.

I can escape through Loren's house!

Thanks, me.

Not a problem, lesser me.

(VICTORIOUS MUSIC)

Maybe next time we could do this in a less weird way.

(SNORING) (GRUNTS)

Maury, are you all right?

No! I fell asleep on the hand brake.

I've had enough. I'm going in.

Wait! No, stop.

Why? If I give up, you win.

Unless, are you trying to keep me out here?

No, of course not. That's a ridiculous idea,

and I resent the suggestion that I would deliberate--

Well done, Rainbow! Keep it going!

Okay, maybe I have slightly been keeping you out here,

but that's because the others

are trying to organize a surprise for you.

What sort of surprise?

Apple pie and ice cream.

All you have to do is pledge allegiance to me,

like your boy over here.

Selling my soul feels so bad,

but it just tastes so good!

Mmm.

Go on, take it.

Submit to the dark side of the kitchen.

Mom, no! Stop.

Everyone, stop! We can't go on like this.

In times of conflict, the real heroes are not those

who take up the loofahs of destruction

or the sprouts of war.

No, it is those who seek common ground

and then clean that common ground.

Are we not housemates?

Can we not find unity and tidiness as one?

Danny, take this rebel back to her room.

Yes, sir!

We will have unity in the house,

but unity under the iron rule of the kitchen

is the only way to end this chaos.

Can't you see?

I guess you're right. Terrance, you've won.

Congratulations. You should celebrate.

Hmm. Yes, perhaps I will.

Maybe by watching a shark documentary?

Except, oh, Esther is in the TV room, so...

Aw, yeah, what a shame.

I'll bet she's there with her bum on your armchair,

her feet on your footstool, watching your DVDs.

Hmm.

The TV room will never be yours.

Aw.

Won't it? We'll see about that.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(DISTORTED VOICE) I have information

which disqualifies Anika.

Out!

This TV room is now part of the Greater Kitchen Empire.

(DEVICE BEEPING)

I don't think so, darling. What the--

(COUGHING) What is this stuff?

Oh, just some experimental stinking goo, darling.

It will wash off in a couple of weeks.

Until then, you might find you attract angry crows.

(COUGHING)

Get him! Ah! No!

Help me! Hi-yah!

Danny!

And my toilet roll! Ah!

(ALL YELLING)

It's over, Terrance.

We won! Yeah!

Yes! (LAUGHTER)

Oh. Hey, Gramps.

This is the surprise?

Next time you want to give me a surprise, hire a cleaner.

Shush! They're announcing the winner.

And the winner with a fantastic pineapple jelly

and Viennese Waltz is Anika!

(GROANS) I knew this would happen!

That girl has some serious backup.

Never mind, Esther. You win some, you lose some,

and sometimes, no one wins at all.

Oh, and what's this?

A special delivery for you, Anika.

Ha! I always win. (DEVICE BEEPS)

(people on TV screaming, crows squawking)

(TV TURNS OFF)

Anyone for pie?

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

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