Original subtitles

Once in a generation,

a new power will awaken.

Adventure will dawn.

A hero will rise...

out of bed.

Wearing cosplay stuff.

How do I look, Ms. Maximal?

"Amazing, I like the cape."

Aw, thanks.

And I like yours.

To the movie theater!

And beyond!

(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC)

Ms. Maximum, we meet again.

(GASPS) Nice outfit, Arachnogeek!

It's up-cycled!

It smells of cat food.

Cool, cool. I'll stay upwind.

C'mon, let's move.

We've only got

ten hours until the movie starts.

Oh.

See you in nine hours?

I should probably brush my teeth anyway.

(INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC)

Ready, kinder? Think so!

Checklist: tickets for the opening day

of the brand new "Remarkables" movie?

Booked months ago.

Each and every possible spoiler avoided

including trailers, online ads

and special edition packs of toilet paper?

I kept my eyes shut on every trip to the bathroom!

Then let's go!

Okay, Gramps! Fire up the cabmobile!

Ah, there's a poster! Might have spoilers!

Okay, two for "The Remarkables: Final"--

Don't say it!

We don't even want to know the name.

Okay, Wonder Weirdo.

That's screen one. Top of the...

Wait. "Wait"?

Wait, what, wait?

These tickets are for Saturday.

But...today is Friday.

Congratulations!

You know what day it is.

So you also know that I can't let you in with these.

But you have to! What if it is Saturday?

What if you overslept?

What if this cinema

has slipped slightly into the future?

What if I throw you out?

It's okay, Loren.

We'll just buy tickets for this show.

Ha, you do know that this is the biggest film

release of the year? I am aware, yes.

It's sold out. Next please!

But this means...

We have to avoid spoilers for the next 24 hours!

(GROANS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

Where's dinner?

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

There's your dinner, Maury.

Not sure I'll want seconds.

One of you ingrates has been to that new place down the road

and brought a bag of chips in here.

Who was it?

Who chose some greasy takeaway

over food I lovingly prepare?

"Lovingly"?

He means "grudgingly."

So, who's going to own up?

Then I shall have to find out who it is myself

and that person will pay the ultimate price...

No. More. Dinners.

Ever!

Do you think that includes lunch?

And what about breakfasts?

Probably.

So what are we gonna do about food?

Be calm, Maury, I will feed us all

with the awesome power of cosmic ordering.

I may regret asking this,

but what's cosmic ordering?

It's where, through intense karmic visualization,

I ask mother universe to provide me with what I need.

In this instance, a jackfruit casserole.

You ask for it and it just appears?

That sounds a bit far-fetched. Oh no, it works.

I cosmically ordered some hippy nonsense earlier

and voila! (LAUGHTER)

(SIGHS)

The casserole should be here soon.

(CHUCKLES) Give it a minute.

Friday's probably their busy night.

(BOTH SNORT)

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

How did we get tickets for the wrong day?

Oh, I must've got confused when I translated the date

from the animal-based calendar I invented.

Animal-based calendar?

How long have you been using that?

Uh, about cow months now.

No, sorry, duck.

So what's your plan for avoiding spoilers

until we see the film?

You know what, I don't think we need a plan.

Huh?

Who are you? Where's Goldie?

She always has a plan.

Think about it.

I live in a house full of old people.

No one here is gonna spoil a comic book movie

on the first day it's released.

(LOUD SLURPING)

Ah. Ah.

Danny, you've seen "The Remarkables" movie?

And I guess from the look of horror on your face

that you haven't?

Oh, I can't wait to tell you all about it.

Night!

(LAUGHING)

# I've got a plan #

# I flew over the ocean to tell you how #

# Me and my fam #

# We caused a commotion #

# When we landed on my granddad #

# It's chaos at home but it's always fun #

# Fun fun fun fun #

# 'Cause you're never too old and you're never too young #

# Around here #

# So this is me #

# Just trying to keep it all together #

Do you really plan on staying up here all day to avoid Danny?

No!

I plan to stay here for just...

17 more hours.

You sure he's gonna ruin the movie for you?

It wouldn't be the first time.

(ANIMAL ROARS)

The bad guy's his father.

Ugh!

He defeats the evil wizard with a magical sneeze.

Ugh!

That's awful!

Why would he want to spoil everything for you?

Um...

I think it's a bike.

Wow, he really holds a grudge.

If only there was some kind of force field

that could stop Danny's spoilers

before they got to our brains.

Wait! Maybe there is.

Maybe there is...

Well, is there?

Yeah, there is.

Yay!

So greasy, so wrong.

I know what you're doing, Danny.

Try hard as you like, you're not going to tempt me.

These British fries taste so good.

We call them chips. Hm?

Bless you for offering, but my needs are provided for.

I asked the universe for a casserole yesterday.

Might have been left in a convenient delivery spot.

I'll have a look about.

All the more greasy goodness for me.

Don't let Terrance catch you with those.

My deep fried babies are worth the risk.

Go on then, give me one. Don't touch my babies!

Ugh, to think I gave you life.

You'll understand when you have chips of your own.

(SIGHS) So tough being a parent.

Got ya! What are you up to?

Eating chips?

Between meals? Of course not!

Really? Really.

Right, all done.

Now for a relaxing bubble bath to wipe the memory

of whatever was in that pipe from my mind.

No, but you don't need your hammers in the bath.

Maybe I should--

Are you sure you're not keeping anything from me?

Me? Mm-mm.

Spoiler-proof headphones? Yup.

Whenever anyone mentions The Remarkables,

these will play a noise scientifically proven

to be very distracting,

thus rendering their spoilers powerless.

Let's test them.

Okay, my favorite Remarkables--

(FART NOISES)

Did it work? Yes!

(SQUEALS) Or you really need a doctor.

(LAUGHS) You asked for a force field.

I give you a fart field.

(SMALL FART NOISE)

I'm gonna blame that on the headphones.

Yep.

You haven't seen some cosmic casserole

up here, have you?

Not recently.

Okay, well, keep an eye out.

(FLOORBOARD CREAKS)

Ooh, nail.

Let's get you out.

(GASPS)

(GIGGLES)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Goldie, I've been expecting you.

But were you also expecting me?

Meh.

I'm gonna take that as a "yes."

Sorry to ruin your fun, Danny,

but you can't spoil the movie for us.

With these bad boys on, we won't hear a thing.

Oh, Goldie, my dear, you underestimate me.

I wasn't going to say anything.

Behold!

"When three of The Remarkables--"

(FART NOISE) Ah!

Spoiler cereal! Spoil-ereal?

Ah!

Hey, that's just rude!

Actually, that is rude.

So's that. Phew.

Alphabet magnets! Get away from the fridge!

"After the Remarkables fail to save--"

(FART NOISES) Stop reading, Loren!

I never stop reading, Goldie, it's against my nature!

Stop making the kitchen ruin The Remarkables for us!

Are you talking about The Remarkables?

Is he talking about The Remarkables?

Stop saying Remarkables, Loren!

Stop talking about The Remarkables!

Remarkables, Remarkables, Remarkables!

(LAUGHING)

Ugh! We need a new plan.

My mother has a soundproof pyramid

she spends Christmas inside.

We could sit in that until the movie starts.

Retreat?

Would Ms. Maximal or the Arachnogeek retreat?

No, Loren, we need to take this fight back to Danny.

(VICTORIOUS MUSIC)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

"Hi, Danny, it's obvious I can't avoid your spoilers

"for another six hours.

"Please meet me in the linen closet

"so we can work out a truce.

Goldie."

(SCOFFS)

You think you can be lure me into a trap that easy?

What do we have here?

Grass?

Heh, I know exactly where you are.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

Too easy.

Oh, Goldie, trying to lock me in the closet?

(SIGHS) You've got so much to learn.

Specifically the ending of the new Remarkables movie!

What?

Who's got a lot to learn, Danny?

No!

(DOOR RATTLING)

(LOUD POUNDING ON DOOR)

Open up in there! Mm-hmm?

I heard paper crinkling. You got chips in there?

(PAPER CRINKLING) Mm-mm!

You can't fool me!

Everything okay?

Mm.

Oh, you've got a sore throat?

Mm. You need some medicine?

Mm!

Oh, you're taking mouthwash for it?

Mm-hmm.

(GARGLING)

We going to the bathroom in pairs now?

Mm.

Is that ketchup I can smell?

Windscreen washer fluid.

I'm watching you, Maury.

You know, I'm kinda surprised how easily we defeated Danny.

Isn't the main villain supposed to keep coming back?

What if he isn't the main villain?

What's that about villains?

Esther, you're wearing a Remarkables T-shirt?

Yes, I saw it yesterday afternoon.

You saw it? Yes.

I'd never hadn't seen one of those films before,

but it was terrific.

The fights and explosions--

Don't tell us there are explosions!

And that bit where Ms. Maximal climbs--

Lalalalala!

I don't want to hear about the spoilers

I've been avoiding for most of the year!

Lalalala! What she said.

First Danny, then Esther!

Who else can ruin it for us?

Maybe everyone!

Wait, wait, Mom!

Stop right there. What do you know?

Huh? What?

Nothing.

Well, not nothing, something.

(GASPS)

But it's just a tiny-- Danny!

He told her! Run!

Ah, I want to talk to you two.

(BOTH SCREAM) Have you two seen any--

(SCREAMS) Casserole on your travels?

Maybe not.

Hold on, I'll get the light.

(BOTH SHOUT)

Gramps, what are you doing?

Eating these.

I found them in the bathroom and I--

I needed somewhere private.

Don't judge me.

This is crazy, us hiding in here, eh?

It's like that bit in The Remarkables trailer where--

Wait. You watched a trailer?

Huh? Yeah, but only the first one.

I ignored the other 18. Loren?

What else have you seen?

I used some promotional toilet paper!

And I kept my eyes open... Loren!

I can't believe you of all people

would do this to me!

You've been infected all along!

Oi, my chips!

Just a spot of lunch, universe.

Is that too much to ask?

Remarkable! (BELL RINGS)

Everyone's been compromised--

there's no one left I can trust.

But I'm not gonna give in. Oh, no.

Nothing can spoil the movie in here.

I've got everything I need to hunker down.

(STOMACH GROWLING) Except maybe some food.

What's that for? Chips?

Ha, you won't catch me eating those things.

You don't like them? No, darling.

You just won't catch me.

You're too blatant, charging in like that.

You need a bit of stealth.

Stealth, eh?

Hmm...

(STOMACH GROWLING)

I know you're hungry, but shush!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

Going somewhere, Goldie? Wah!

Please, Danny. No spoilers.

Oh, I won't spoil anything.

But, uh, they will.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Get her! Tell her the main plot points!

Ms. Maximal is her own mother.

They all drive over a cliff at the end.

Ah!

They're in a parallel universe.

All their trousers are evil.

Arachnogeek is scared of spiders.

(WHIMPERING)

Wait! Fries for everyone!

(SQUEALS)

all: Chips...

(GOBBLING)

Wah!

(BOTH SIGH)

Phew, it's you, Gramps.

Gramps? Don't you mean--

(LAUGHING)

(SCREAMING)

Ah! Ah!

Gramps?

How long have you been back there?

(SIGHS) A while.

It's the safest place to avoid spoilers.

What are you doing here?

I've just been out to buy some more

of these beautiful chips.

Here.

What if Terrance finds out?

I'm not scared of Terrance.

Although I am hiding out here to eat the chips.

Looks like this is a safe space

for the both of us.

Hey, Goldie. Ah!

You living in there now?

No! No.

I'm just helping Gramps, uh, clean the taxi.

Why are you using the sleeping bag as a dustbin?

Because, uh, yeah,

it helps keep them cozy while I tidy.

Right.

Hmm. (LAUGHS)

(SLY MUSIC)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Come to Mama, you miracle spuds.

(LAUGHS) (YELLS)

Got you!

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

You all may have noticed

that I've been behaving strangely of late.

Mm, no, not really. No stranger than usual.

Uh, whatever.

You've all been suffering

due to the moral weakness of Rainbow,

who'd sooner eat these things

than my delicious food.

The universe gave them to me.

Ah, the old,

"universe gave them to me" excuse.

Good job your cosmic hotline is working,

because you won't be getting dinner from me ever again.

It wasn't just Rainbow.

I ate the chips too.

And me.

I ate the chips.

Fine.

I ate the fries.

Great.

Traitors all 'round.

I suppose you ate them as well, Esther.

No comment.

I will never be cooking for any of you again.

I hope these disgusting things

were worth it.

(WONDROUS MUSIC)

Terrance?

D...d...

Disgusting!

Absolutely disgusting.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

I'll just take this... for evidence.

Remarkable.

Nice Remarkables costume.

I saw the new film yesterday with Gran.

Of course you did.

You know the bit where she's--

Ah! Z--sorry.

Sorry, I--I just sat on a sharp...

marshmallow.

Ow. Right.

You know, that's actually a bit like in The Remarkables,

where she sat on the plane-- Chip?

Go on, fill your mouth.

No, I'm--I'm fine. I need to stay in shape,

Otherwise I'll end up like Ms. Maximal--

That's enough talking from you.

Gramps, drive. (ENGINE TURNS OVER)

Tell Loren to meet me there.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Goldie. Loren.

No spoilers.

Don't worry about me, but I think Danny followed me.

You better put these on just in case.

Two steps ahead of you, as always.

Spoiler alert: I win.

Not this time, Danny.

Fries for everyone!

Just thought that would get a bigger reaction.

No!

Fries...

Beautiful fries.

What has that monster done to you?

Why?

Why!

Right, two for--wait.

Wait? No, no wait.

Yes wait. These are for Saturday.

Yes, and it is Saturday.

These are for next Saturday.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

No!

Really should stop using that animal-based calendar

starting next monkey.

You think?

Now we have to avoid spoilers for another whole week.

It's okay, we've still got that back-up plan.

There it is-- my mom's soundproof pyramid.

Okay, let's do this.

(LAUGHS) See you next Saturday.

Bon voyage!

Good luck, love.

(DOOR WHOOSHES)

Huh? all: (GASP)

What?

Anyone for chips?

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