Original subtitles

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Kellogg's, the best to you each morning,

from Kellogg's.

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

£ Riding around your way f

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

f The high-falutin'est f

S Fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

J That's Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Brought to you by Kellogg's...

[opening theme music]

[narrator] This is the Western State Penitentiary.

And this is the notorious bank robber, Billy the Kidder,

captured at last.

And this is the office of the warden,

where Billy, the Kidder is being grilled

by Warden Lock N. Keys.

Oh, come on, Billy.

Save yourself 99 years

and tell us where you hid that bank money.

Only my partner, Horseface Harry,

knows where it is.

1 ain't talking, and he ain't here.

Tell you what.

Talk, and you'll get barbecued

prairie dog every Sunday.

Oh, joy.

-With sagebrush dumplin's? -Yes.

-And tumbleweed pie? -Yes, yes.

No thanks, I'm not hungry.

Take him to his cell for, say, uh, 99 years.

Horseface Harry, huh?

Why, he's the spitting image of Quick Draw McGraw.

Say, that gives me an idea.

Oh, operator,

send for the high-falutin'est,

fastest shootin'est cowboy you ever saw.

Who do I mean?

Why, none other than Quick Draw McGraw.

It is a extreme pleasure to do business with you, Warden.

On the right side of the law, of course.

McGraw, you lookin' up like Horseface Harry

to be Horseface Harry.

I gets it.

You wants me to impersonate this handsome fellow.

Quickstraw thinks he's handsome.

That just kills me.

Well, what's schemin'

in that little bitty brain of yours, Warden?

I'll put you in the same cell with Horseface Harry's partner,

a real mean cuss named Billy, the Kidder.

And he'll lead you to the stolen bank money.

! hope Billy doesn't snore.

Hey, Warden, where do 1 fit in?

1 don't look like Horseface Harry.

1 look like my grandmother.

Baba Looey, your job is to engineer a phony jailbreak

so Billy can lead Quick Draw to the money.

Can you do it, Quick Draw?

Can a swim duck?

[narrator] And so Quick Draw McGraw,

posing as the desperado Horseface Harry, went to work.

I'm Horseface Harry,

and meaner than a barrel of angry wildcats.

Growl!

In you go, Horseface.

[prison door opens and closes]

-Horseface Harry. -Billy, the Kidder.

How come you to get yourself captured, Horseface?

We won't be here for long, Billy boy.

If 99 years ain't for long,

1 don't know what is for long, Horseface.

Hey, fellas, it is me, Baba Looey,

the jailoreaker engineer, l theen.

[narrator] And with the phony jailbreak accomplished,

Quick Draw's next step was to get Billy

to lead him to the stolen money.

Welcome to our hideout, Horseface.

Hello there, hideout.

Let's go in and hide.

Make yourself at home, Horseface,

whilst I hustle up some hot grub.

Make mine, uh, some hot bank money, Billy, over easy.

Right, Horseface. One stolen money comin’ up.

[narrator] As fickle fate would have it,

who should show up at this very moment

but the real Horseface Harry?

l can't wait 99 years for Billy,

so I'll take all the loot.

Billy, you thievin' varmint,

take your paws off on that money.

But, Horseface, you just told me to go fetch it.

Well, fetch this!

[gunshots]

Hold on thar! Where's the money?

Why, Horseface, you just took it.

1 did no such thing.

Now go get it.

Yes, sir, Horseface.

Well, what do you want?

Must be that cactus cough medicine I've been takin’.

l told you to vamoose.

[Horseface shooting]

[Billy] No, it can't be.

Well, where's the money?

Who cares? I'm going back to jail.

Nothin’ like stolen money, divided one way.

[laughs]

Nice work, Quickstraw. Now you can return the money.

Huh? You're plum, oh, cold stranger.

I'm goin' to San Francisco

and spendin’ it all on a good time.

[evil laugh]

l theen the heat got Quickstraw.

He don't sound like himself.

So I will return the money.

Hey!

He stole my stolen money!

Come back here, you crook!

[Horseface] Yaow!

[crash]

I'm sorry, Quickstraw.

Quickstraw!

l see you, uh, found the money, Baba Boy.

-Hand it over. -No, I theen I keep this money.

Why, Baba, that's downright dishonest.

You were going to spend it in San Francisco.

"On a good time, he-he-he," you said.

-1 did? -See, you admit it.

So I will return the money myself.

-Quick Draw! -Hand over the money, you crook!

San Francisco, here ! come! [laughs]

-Quick Draw, wait! -I'm waiting, Baba Louie.

-Where's the money? -You just took it.

And there you go, Quickstraw.

Hold on there, Quick Draw McGraw!

Say, that's not you.

That's Horsesface Harry, l theen.

Hold on there, Horseface Harry!

Drat! It's the good-lookin' buttinsky Quick Draw McGraw.

Nice work, McGraw.

1 see you got the stolen money.

Uh-oh.

It's the warden.

And here comes Quick Draw.

Give me that stolen money this instant!

Who's that a-comin', Quick Draw?

Why, uh, that-- that's none other than Horseface Harry.

Horseface? I'll take care of him.

[gunshots]

[Quick Draw McGraw] Hold on there, Warden!

I'm Quick Draw McGraw.

Oh, no, you're not. I'm Quick Draw McGraw.

-I'm Quick Draw McGraw. -I'm Quick Draw McGraw.

-I'm Quick Draw McGraw. -I'm Quick Draw McGraw.

You know something?

! think lam quickly withdrawing.

Adios!

[closing theme music]

[opening theme music]

[narrator] This row of old brownstone houses are all alike,

with the exception of one.

For this one has the distinction of being the home

of Super Snooper, the famous private eye,

and his assistant, Blabber.

Let's go inside,

and see how a famous

detective operates.

Oh, uh, pardon the intrusion, Blab.

That's all right, I'm waiting for Snoop.

We're going to a wedding!

Well, while you're waiting,

can you tell us about his latest case?

His latest case is why we're going to a wedding today.

Astounding, tell us about it.

It all started one dismal, foggy evening,

while Snoop was lookin' over

his priceless collection

of villains mustaches.

[Blab] Say, Snoop?

Uh, what is it, Blab?

l see in the papers

that Toot Sweet is getting married.

Toot Sweet?

Say, he's the French flea

who helped us solve that poodle caper a year ago.

That's the one!

His picture is in the paper. He-he-he!

Ain't love grand, Snoop?

How much is the fare, driver?

A bone and a half.

Here you are.

Keep the change!

Thanks!

boing boing boing

l hope Monsieur Snooper is at home.

[knocking]

Harken to that door knock, Blab, and answer it!

[Blab] Right, Snoop!

Perchance, uh, it's some millionaire in distress.

Gosh, Snoop, there's nobody here.

Then it deduces you to shut the door.

No, wait!

But it is a somebody!

It is l, Toot Sweet!

Toot Sweet?

Uh, to what do we contribute

this sudden visit?

Yeah, we thought

you was getting married.

Alas, my sweet Gisele has run away,

and you must find her for me!

Then Toot Sweet told us the whole sordid story.

How a city slicker flea promised to make her a star

in the Flea Circus on Broadway,

and how she disappeared on her wedding day.

! could tell Snoop's nimble brain was workin' fast.

Gadzooks, I have it!

Me thimble brain tells me to go clue huntin'

at the Flea Circus on Broadway.

Gee, that's brilliant, Snoop!

Yeah, I know, Blab.

We must go!

It's like I said, they was here.

She and a slick lookin’ flea.

Uh, yes, sir, then what happened?

! auditioned her, and she couldn't sing,

like 1 said.

She couldn't sing at all,

so I said no.

What else could I do?

Then they left.

They left?

Like I said, they left.

Which way did they go?

C-Can I have a couple of free tickets?

No.

They went into that building over there.

[Gisele] Yoo-hoo!

Toot Sweet!

Help, help!

Save me from this slick looking flea!

Come on, baby!

Just one little sip, it's only soda!

Actually, it really is only soda.

Listen, baby, so what if you can't sing?

Maybe you can dance!

! cannot dance either.

So what?

I'll think of somethin’

to get your name up in lights!

1 do not want my name in lights,

! just want my Toot Sweet!

Help!

Save me, Toot Sweet!

Unhand that flea, you flea!

Can I have one free ticket?

No, you can't.

Unhand that flea, you flea!

[Snoop] We're coming, Gisele!

Open, in the name of the Private Eye Open Door Policy!

Pardon, Monsieur Snoop, perhaps I can be of assistance.

Sure, Toot Sweet,

but what in tunket

can a pint size flea like you do?

Stand back, monsieur!

[crashing]

Toot Sweet is the Flea Weight Champ Of Europe, Snoop!

And now, I will beat out the stuffings from you,

you city slicker!

Oh, yeah, you and who else?

Just me!

Take that, and this, and this,

and that, and that, and this,

Aren't they cute, Snoop?

Yeah, but they're not couth!

Hold it, fellas!

Leave us settle this like gentlefleas!

[Snoop] Now remember, take five steps, turn, and fire.

Are the contestants ready?

-Ready. -Ready!

Okay, one, two, three, four.

Hey, wait! ! haven't counted to five yet!

Ooh, la la. ! am what you call, plugged.

Oh, my poor Toot Sweet!

Nye-he-he-he-he-he-he!

Stand back! Back I! say!

Back, back, all of you, get back!

D-D-Do what he says, Blab,

he's gone stark ravin' mad!

He-he-he-he-he!

Somehow a stark ravin' mad flea strikes me funny.

Oh, you are such a beast!

Take that!

[crash]

[Snoop] Good work, Gisele!

You planted him, right on the noggin!

Like any villain, all l can do is say,

"Curses! I give up"!

[Snoop] Put the cuffs on him, Blab,

and call an ambulance hastily to with!

! fear for the welfare of our friend Toot Sweet.

Fear not, Monsieur Snooper,

like any hero, it was only a flesh wound!

And we call that the case of the fiendish flea.

-Oh, Blab. -Yeah, Snoop?

We must not keep the bride and groom waitin’.

Right, Snoop.

W-We gotta go now.

Snoop is the best man.

[organ music]

Hey, taxi!

To the Niagara Falls, driver!

There goes another happy groom,

into the oblivion of marital matrimony, Blab.

To which us private eyes are denied, huh Snoop?

You can say that again, Blab.

Okay. To which us busy private eyes?

Never mind, Blab, never mind.

Snoop's got a soft heart.

That's why I love him.

[closing theme music]

[opening theme music]

S Dum de dum dum dum dum f

¢< De de dum dum de de dum dum £

~ De dum dum dum dum £

< De de dum dum de dum dum £

Either the mattress is on fire,

or Augie boy is cookin’ up another one

of his scientifical concoctions.

Augie, my boy?

Yes, Dad of the sensitive nose?

What, may I ask, are you doin'?

A rubber hose stew?

No, unscientific Dad.

It's a noiseless explosive.

It'll go off without a kaboom.

What will you think of next, Augie boy?

No, no, Dad, no, don't agitate it!

-Augie, what happened? -It worked, Dad!

It exploded without a kaboom.

Your little boy is a scientific success. Hooray!

And your dear old Dad is a scientifical wreck.

No hooray.

I'll start by mixin’ a big batch

in the bathtub, Dad,

and I'll make you a million dollars.

And I beg to differenti-tate with you, Augie.

You'll start by gettin’ a new and safer hobby.

If you say so, behind-the-times Dad.

l say so, and I reiterate my say so.

< Dum de do dum do dum do #

< Dum dum de do Dum dum dum do do f

[Augie] Hey, Dad, I've started.

Started what, my scientifical son?

My new and safer hobby, the Africa Flora Carnivorous.

Mm, is this Frenica Awful Cravinious

something like, uh, stamp collectin'?

No, unhobbylike Dad.

It's a little flower plant that you feed,

like any living animal.

He is a cute little rascal.

Coochie coochie coochie.

Be careful, Dad.

-Yowch! -l should have warned you.

The Africa Flora Carnivorous has a tremendous appetite.

How do you like that?

I've been bitten by a Frenica Awful Cravinious.

[laughs]

Here's some nice fresh milk for you, Carnie.

It'll help you grow.

It's mealtime, Carnie.

You're growin’ bigger every day.

[suckling]

Guess what ! got for your first birthday dinner, Carnie?

A whole t-bone steak.

Here, catch.

That's fine, Carnie.

Now it's time for beddy-bye.

[smooching]

Good night, Carnie.

By the way, Augie,

how's your Frenica Awful Cravinious comin’ along?

He just kissed me good night.

[laughs]

That boy of mine is the horticu-tulturist

with an imagination.

Don't stay up too late, dear old tired Dad.

Good night.

Good night, Augie boy.

I'll hit the sack right after a snack.

A glass of milk will go good with that chocolate cake.

[sniffing]

< Dum de do dum dah do de f

~£ Dum de do da da... f

So where's the cake?

1 must be gettin’ absent brained.

! coulda gived you my word

1 brought the cake.

~S Dum de do do do do f

£ Dum dodo JS

so where's the milk?

That Augie's up to his old tricks again.

All right, Augie, out from under the table.

Mm, he ain't down there,

and the cake ain't up here either.

[laughs] That boy of mine.

He probably snuck back to his bed.

I'll take a peak and make sure.

Look at my scientifical son.

[snoring]

He's makin’ like a real snore,

but he ain't hoodwinkin' dear old Dad.

[clattering]

~< Dum de de dum dum de dum dum dum

Yikes!

Huh?

Do my eyes perceive me,

or do l see a Frenica Awful Cravinious

with a chicken on his head?

If there's one thing l can't stand,

it's a flower that steals chickens

from the refrigera-dator.

All right, you common garden variety thief!

Drop that chicken!

[snarling]

Holy cravinious!

[snarling]

Help, help, Augie, help!

I'm bein’ attack-ded by a daffy daffodil!

Carnie, you naughty flower!

Stop this instant.

[screeching]

You should be ashamed of yourself, Carnie,

scarin' dear old Dad like that.

Augie, that pilferin' plant has got to go

this for instance.

Carnie didn't mean it,

dear old heartless Dad.

He'll behave from now on, won't you, Carnie?

Can he stay, Dad?

Can he, can he, huh? Can he-- Can he stay?

Well, ! wouldn't want

the neighbors to say

Augie's dear old Dad hates flowers.

So long, dear old Dad.

I'm on my way to school.

[Daddy Doggie] So long, Augie, my brilliant boy.

Have a good day.

Hurry up, Carnie, or we'll be late.

After all, it ain't every day who's got a boy

and a Frenica Awful Cravinious in the second grade.

[closing theme music]

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Kellogg's, your best choice in cereals...

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

f The high-falutin'est f

S Fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

[Quick Draw McGraw] Hey, Baba Looey! Are you all right?

So right.