Original subtitles

Gosh, Dad, that's fantastic.

How do you do it, Daddy?

Simple.

I merely inserted this photo of the house in my latest invention, the anti

-gravitator.

And up she goes.

Will it work on any kind of house?

Even Alfie's.

That's the most dog-gone thing I've ever seen.

Will it work on humans also?

Yeah, maybe even on Jerry, too.

Let's drop in this photo of him and see what develops.

It's working.

I'm actually floating.

Whoops, better bring me down.

Right-a-rooney.

I'm trying to, but it's jammed. Maybe this will help.

Are you okay?

This invention of yours certainly has its ups and downs.

Oh my gosh, I'll be late for work.

Drive carefully.

I'd better hurry or I'll really be in the doghouse.

There goes Jerry Lewis, but he's right over here.

Well, which one is he really?

It's not very clear.

Because he's here, there, everywhere, up the street, down the stairs, running,

jumping, slipping, sliding, laughing, singing, then he's hiding. Was he? Is

he? In a... Something's cooking, is he busy? Come and going, yes and no Kitchen

sink is overflowed Going round revolving doors In the local dinosaurs Getting

wet, even jet Dancing to be cast in this

What for?

I will not tolerate tardiness.

But, golly, the big hand is only on the one.

Read it before I put my big hand on your little head.

Yes, Mr. B-B-B-Blunderpuss.

Large job employment agency.

What's that?

An apprentice handyman.

I've got just the, uh...

I guess this is goodbye forever, Rhonda.

And just where do you think you're going?

You just fired me.

Forget it. You're going to be the new janitor at the Space Research Center.

Me? A space-age janitor?

Believe me, you'll clean up.

I can't imagine Jerry working with all those astronauts.

He's perfect for the job.

His head is full of space.

And his brain is weightless.

So, this is where they send all those rockets up from, huh?

Wow, what an exciting job this is going to be.

Gentlemen, the situation is critical. As you can see, the restraining nut of the

space platform is loosened. With each passing moment, it gets closer to the

end. But once it slips off, the entire platform is doomed.

Jenkins, it's up to you to get up there and tighten it. Don't worry, General.

You can count on me.

Hmm, I wonder where I find the head handyman.

Galloping galaxies, what have you done to our chief astronaut?

Jenkins, say something. Mary had a little lamb.

Its waist was wide as foam.

Listen to him, babbling like a child.

And there is no one to replace him.

You idle, pated ninny. Now we'll have to scrub the entire mission.

Well, if you've got some soap, I've got the brush.

Why do they have to outlaw firing squads?

Sorry, Daddy.

Jerry's photo got stuck in the anti-gravitator again.

Aha!

Let's take a look.

Rob, they still come to train a replacement.

Impossible. It takes months to learn to operate in a weightless condition.

You can't just reach up and pluck a person like that out of thin air.

That's certainly true, sir.

Judge, I... General, do you see what I see?

Yes, but I don't believe it.

That's him. That's him. That is absolutely incredible.

I've seen enough.

Young man, come down this instant.

There it is.

Now notice how smartly he follows orders. I think we found our man.

We'll control your flight till the outer atmosphere. After that, you're on your

own. Remember, son, the entire space program depends on your tightening that

bolt. I'll do my best, General, sir.

Going up, please face the front of the car.

First stage, machinery, liquid oxygen, and afterburners. Second stage, service

module, reserve fuel, and rocket boosters.

Third stage, control module, and instrumentation. Last, stop.

I wonder what happens if a guy changes his mind.

I never expected such a snappy answer.

Starting countdown.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2,

1. Blast off.

Perfect liftoff. Right on trajectory.

There goes the first stage.

Not a second.

Boy, they're sure not building these things like they used to.

All right, Lewis.

From here on, you're on your own. Yes, General.

And if anything drastic should happen, look at the bright side. At least you

won't have to write out a report in triplicate. This is the General.

Any hope.

That General's such a worrier.

What drastic thing could happen to me?

Well, for one thing, me.

Uncle Ralph, right? As I live and breathe.

Don't worry, you won't for long.

What's that, Uncle Ralph?

I said, don't worry, nothing can go wrong.

What are you doing up here?

They sent me along as a sort of backup man.

And if there's one man who can get your backup, it is I.

Here. Let me help you up.

I guess being picked for this assignment has gone to my head.

I know something else that's going to go to your head.

And very soon.

What's the latest?

The capsule's right on call, sir, but it seems to be acting in the strangest way.

I wonder what's causing that.

The poor innocent sap doesn't know that only one hat will be returning from this

mission, and that that astronaut shall be me.

Now, boy, that's... That was a refreshing nap.

I've never slept on an air mattress before.

Yes, on this trip I promise you'll rest in peace.

Hmm, that gave me an appetite.

Let's see, what's for lunch?

One turkey dinner with candied yams, bread stuffing and cranberry sauce on

the side.

Yummy, sounds delicious.

Here comes one roast turkey.

Make that one dead duck.

Oh, my gosh. How do you shut this thing off?

You lame-brained lump.

Now look at what you've done.

Don't worry, Uncle Ralph.

I'm used to eating on the fly.

That's the stringiest turkey I've ever...

Why don't you look out the window and check our position?

Good idea, Uncle Ralph.

All I see is a whole bunch of stars.

You're about to see a lot more.

Here,

Uncle Ralph, take a look.

You butter-fingered bird!

What? Well, how's it progressing?

Splendid, General Splendid. We're right on course.

Uh-oh, something appears happening with the time warp indicator.

I wonder what this thing does.

He's exceeded the speed of light.

He's going forward in time.

Well, Jingles, don't the years just fly by when you're having fun?

Hang back.

Well, whatever you say, Johnny.

Oh, dear.

Now it's gone backwards in time.

Baby crying?

Uh, I shall readjust the time wall differential from here.

Wow, sheesh. That was the trip of a lifetime.

Say, you don't look at all well to me.

I don't? Stick out your tongue and say, ah.

Ah. Just as I thought. The first stages of space stupor.

Space stupor? The first symptom is a bloated feeling.

A bloated feeling, huh?

Yes, and you see spots in front of your eyes.

Just like those?

Just like those.

And you sneeze a lot.

Achoo!

What do I do?

What you need is some fresh air.

A little space walk will fix you right up. I'd better tie myself

to the capsule or else I might never get back.

Tsk, tsk.

Heaven forbid.

See you later, Navigator.

I'd better shut the door.

is letting in all the flies.

And other insects.

You were right, Uncle Ralph. I feel better already.

Not half as great as I feel.

Uh-oh.

Looks like I'm at the end of my rope.

It must have torn when Uncle Ralph closed the door on it.

There's your thumb below. That makes me realize I'll probably never see

Geraldine or Dad or Rhonda ever again.

Oh, poor Uncle Ralph.

I'll bet he feels just awful about this.

I've gotten rid of that bothersome nephew forever.

That is the strangest thing I could swear I heard Wilde hystericalized us.

Now to head for the space platform and fame and fortune.

Ooh, my forward thruster. It's jammed. What could be holding it?

Jerry's toothpaste tube. He really gummed things up this time.

Now I'm headed back to Earth.

Gee, it's kind of lonely up here. Even the man in the moon looks cold and

unfriendly. Hmm, now where have I seen that face before?

Well, I'll be darned, F. Flying Saucer.

That Martian language is Greek to me.

I'll use my instant replay decoder to find out just what he said.

Look, X-3175, an earthling.

There goes the neighborhood.

What a great opportunity to take some pictures. Would you mind?

Thanks. These will make great souvenirs.

I guess this answers the question, is there intelligent life on Earth?

Obviously, the answer is no.

martians being little green men actually they're little chartreuse men a meteor

another one it's a meteorite shower

i thought they only had those on saturday night

Uh-oh. I forgot. You're not supposed to make any sudden movements in outer

space. The momentum floats you right out of the galaxy.

Help! Help!

There's the space platform.

But where's Lewis? The capsule was supposed to arrive six minutes ago.

Just another few seconds and the platform will fall apart completely.

Gentlemen, it looks like the mission is a failure.

Well, I'll be darned. Look what's there. The space platform.

Wait! What's that on the screen?

Looks like a large nut. No, I mean the astronaut.

It's Lewis.

That's what I said. A large nut.

Well, if I can just grab onto the platform.

By God, Free, he's done it. The space platform is saved.

But Lewis is lost.

He's caught the Earth's gravitational pull.

He'll hit the Earth's surface like a meteor.

Gentlemen, I am Professor Lewis.

You might be interested in this anti-gravity machine of mine.

Not now, Professor.

We have a tragedy on our hands.

Bless my Bunsen furnace. That's Jerry.

What's he doing up there?

About to be burned to a crisp.

If only there was some way to slow his descent.

But there is, there is. If I just had a photo of him.

A photo?

Yes, perhaps I had one in my wallet.

By Jock, I...

Now we slip it into the ender-gravitator, and what?

He's floating gently to Earth. Professor, you're a genius.

You know the old saying, it's the wise father who slows his own son.

Astronaut Rock, about to splash down.

Have the rest of your ships stand by.

Where are the aircraft carriers, the battleships, the PT boats?

I'd even settle for a leaky surfboard.

Now how am I going to get back to the United States?

I need to open my big mouth.

You can thank your father for that.

Luckily for you, he was carrying your picture. My picture?

Oh, gosh, Dad.

I'm touched.

Son,

thanks. From a grateful nation.

Is there anything you'd like?

Yes. To get out of this space suit.

Why, certainly.

Just pull this emergency release handle.

Oh, my gosh.

Great sizzling satellites.

How did that happen?

I am afraid it was my fault. The only snapshot I had of him was taken when he

was six months old.

Jerry, I heard about what you did. I could just kiss you. In fact, I think I

will.

Gosh.

Lois, this isn't easy for me to say, but I'm proud of you.

Wow. Mr.

Blunderbuss, do you think now I could have a raise, huh?

A raise?

You know, so people could sort of look up to me.

Why, certainly.

I'll attend to that right now.

There.

How's that?

Well, this isn't exactly the kind of raise I had in mind, Mr.

Blunderbuss. But you said you wanted people to look up to you. I thought

you'd be happy.

Oh, yes, I'm just swept off my feet.

There goes Jerry Lewis.

But he's right over here.

Well, which one is he really?

It's not very clear.

Because he's here, there, everywhere.

Down the stairs, running, jumping, slipping, sliding, laughing, singing,

then he's hiding. Was he? Is he? In a tizzy. Something's cooking. Is he busy?

Come and going. Yes and no. Kitchen sink is overflowing. Oh, I found him. In the

local dinosaurs.

Getting wet.

In a jet.

Dancing through the castanets. Look around.

Foreign spy.

There he goes. Private eye.

It's so confusing.