Original subtitles

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Kellogg's, the best to you each morning,

from Kellogg's.

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

£ Riding around your way f

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

f The high-falutin'est f

S Fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

J That's Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Brought to you by Kellogg's...

[opening theme music]

Hmm, Snagglepuss, it's your morning paper.

Let's see what the human race is up to

this salubrious mornin’.

Well now, amalgamated lamb chops is up one point.

And speaking of lambs, here's a tasty bit of news.

[reading]

Hmm, Wooly Boy's a cinch

for a larger-than-average roast pan too.

Snagglepuss, it looks like your sheep has come in at last.

£ I'm going to the fair f

£ ‘Cause Wooly Boy is there J

£ He'll soon be in my roasting pan f

~ Without his wooly hair

Oh, there it is,

county fair, my destination.

Hey, Quickstraw,

how come we have to guard this Wooly Boy?

On account of lots of reason.

[reading]

[Snagglepuss] Heavens to Murgatroyd!

What a vicious-looking beast he is.

Quickstraw, it's Snagglepuss.

Hold on thar, you sheep stealer.

Hold on now thar where, friend?

I'm not hastening off.

I've nothing to be ashamed of.

And before you do, Snagglepuss,

I'll have you canned like a kipper.

Am I my brother's kipper?

I'm not Snagglepuss.

I'm his honest brother, Snaggletooth.

Gosh, I'm sorry,

But there is a strong fam-bly resemblance.

True, but l have kinder eyes.

Where is that sheep-stealing brother of yours?

There, even now, he approacheth.

Where? I don't see nothing approachething.

There, by yon yucca tree.

All 1 see is yon yucca tree.

Me too!

Yoo-hoo, Quick Draw, tis lI,

the scapegrace, brother.

Nyah, yah, yah.

Hold on there, Snagglepuss.

After him, my friends,

while I pull the wool over my eyes.

1 didn't see him.

He got plumb clean away.

[bleating]

Hold it, Wooly Boy.

Whereat do you think you're a-goin'’, Wooly Boy?

For my morning constitutional.

What do you suppose makes me so wooly?

You're wooly enough. Go back to your pen, pronto.

[bleating]

There's something mighty suspicious

going on around here.

Ah-ha! We meet again, Snagglepuss.

Here, take your sheep.

And when I catch that snitcher

of an honest brother, Snaggletooth,

he'll rue the day.

And the night, even.

Exit, stage right.

Keep your eyes peeled, Baba!

[bleating]

You mean for Snagglepuss?

Right! There's no low-down, scurrilous trick

he won't try to get Wooly Boy.

[Snagglepuss] Help! Help!

Don't let him get me!

Stop! You're snitch' days are over, Snaggletooth!

Won't someone sa-a-ave me

from an overwrought brother?

You won't get away with it this time, snitcher!

Quickstraw, don't you think--

Keep out of it, Baba. It's a fam-bly affair.

Please! Please, please, please! Help an honest wretch!

[Quick Draw McGraw] Hold on, thar!

Have mercy on an honest wretch.

Bring me Wooly Boy, and I might considerate it.

Wait here, and I'll have him delivered to you, Snagglepuss.

Heavens to Murgatroyd! It worked!

1 get it, Quickstraw.

Snagglepuss will think you're Wooly Boy.

He grabs you, then you grabs him red-handed.

Right, Baba.

Now deliver me to Snagglepuss!

[Baba] Here you are, Snagglepuss.

Here's Wooly Boy as seen.

[imitating bleating]

Thanks ever so, ever.

Simmering mint sauce. He's a big one.

Hmm. Methinks my hood has been winked!

Wooly Boy,

no more sheep-stealin' for me.

Well, Wooly for you, Snagglepuss.

In fact, I'm dropping it as of now.

[screams]

[crash]

Shall we go, Wooly Boy?

Stop, you varmint!

Make that double!

I'm not a varmint. So why do I! stop?

[Baba] There he goes, Quickstraw. Into that cave.

A cave indeed. For a knave in need.

Hold on there, Snagglepuss!

You can't eat a blue-ribbon winner!

Why not? They're the best kind!

Hold still, Wooly Boy,

whilst I trim you of your woolly locks.

[bleating]

Would you like a little off the top, sir?

It's a little long in the sides.

How are the wife and kids?

How are the Dodgers doin'?

Heavens to Murgatroyd!

Wooly Boy, you're all wool

and an inch wide!

I'm comin’ in, Snagglepuss!

[Snagglepuss] Don't bother, friend.

It would be unkind of me

to eat this mutton nuttin’.

[bleating]

When they called him Wooly Boy,

they weren't kiddin’!

Since winter approacheth,

I might as well weave myself a cozy haversacker.

One hundred percent Wooly Boy, of course.

That's why I spin... and spin... and spin.

[closing theme music]

[opening theme music]

Snoop to Hazel, Snoop to Hazel.

Hello?

Hello?

Hazel must be taking her coffee break, Snoop.

[Hazel] Hazel to Snoop, Hazel to Snoop.

] can see you from the window, boys.

Your helicopter looks like a crazy cake mixer.

-Hazel? -Yes, boss?

How would you like to go back to your old job,

mixing concrete?

Sorry, boss.

May I interject if 1 got any calls?

[Hazel] Oh, yes.

The circus owner is frantic.

He wants to see you right away!

Will do, over and out!

What's up, Snoop?

It's a 983,

trouble in the big top.

Wowee! The circus!

Oh, boy!

Ah, here we are.

[reading]

-[Knocks on door] -Come in.

Mr. President? Uh, we're at your service.

Boys, your funny getups are great,

but I've got all the clowns I need.

Uh, you got our identities misconcepted.

I'm Super Snooper.

And I'm Blab, Snoop's trusted assistant.

I'm sorry, boys, but I've got trouble.

And there it is, my new act.

[Snoop reads]

What's your problem, pray divulge?

A laughing hyena is very funny!

That's it, he isn't laughing!

And who wants to see a laughing hyena

that isn't laughing?

Can we, uh, take a peek

at this non-conformist hyena?

Come with me.

There he is, gentlemen,

my star attraction.

Oh dear, oh my.

That's a laughin’ hyena?

Maybe he's quiet on the outside,

and laughing on the inside!

Snooper, you get Hardy har-har

to laugh for tonight's show,

and I'll pay you ten thousand dollars.

It's a sad case, but the fee is a happy one.

I'll take it.

Oh, dear, oh, my.

Oh, dear, oh, my.

Now remember, I tell the jokes.

Right, and when you get to the punch line,

! laugh it up.

Right. Now, let's go.

-Ta-da! -Ta-da!

Say, did you hear the one about the teacher?

He-he-he-he!

The one about the teacher, that's a funny one!

He-he-he-he!

-Blab. -Funny, funny.

The one about the teacher!

He-he-he-he!

-Blab! -He-he-he-ha-ha-he-he-he-he!

Blab!

Yeah, Snoop?

[Snoop] That's not the punch line.

Gosh, I'm sorry, Snoop.

Do you think this feather tickle will work, Snoop?

For ten thousand dollars, I'd tickle his palate.

Get going, Blab!

Here it goes, Snoop!

Coochie, coochie, coochie, coochie, coochie, coochie!

Oh, dear, oh, my.

Oh, dear.

This is a real mixed up hyena.

Coochie, coochie, coochie!

Maybe it's the feather.

I'll try it on, Snoop.

-Coochie, coochie, coochie! -Yeeps!

[crash]

Gosh, Snoop!

Yeah, I know, "I'm sorry, Snoop!"

That's all you ever say!

1 know, gosh, I'm sorry.

l always say, "I'm sorry, Snoop".

Now, uh, here's the accepted theory.

They say laughing is contagious.

So I'll start, then you join in.

Maybe we'll get a few hardy laughs from Hardy har-har.

Okay, here goes.

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[sobbing]

[sobbing]

Blab, what in tunket are you doin'?

I'm crying.

It's contagious too!

[sobbing]

This is ridiculous.

Cryin’ ain't contagious!

[sobbing]

Oh, dear. Oh, my.

-[Snooper] Easy, Blab. -[Blabber] Right, Snoop.

[Snoop] This always gets 'em!

[Blab] It'll flip him, Snoop!

Doody, Doody, oh, Doody, where are you, Doody?

Here 1 am, Punch!

Holy mackerel!

! got a surprise for you!

Gimme gimme gimme!

And I got a surprise for you!

1 hate to say it, but gimme gimme gimme!

Oh, no, no, no, oh wow, oh no, me, oh, no!

Hold it, Blab! He ain't even lookin’!

1 said hold it, you blundering Blab!

[Blab] Hey, Snoop, look!

He's leavin'!

[Snoop] Hey, wait, don't go!

1 got a joke book with a million laughs in it!

Snoop, look out for that banana peel!

Why does a chicken cross the ro-- Yeow!

Ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha-ha!

Snooper, you did it! You did it!

Huh, I did? ! mean, ! did!

Yes, but look!

Oh, dear. Oh, me.

Can you make him laugh again tonight?

Uh, for a phenomenal nominal fee of ten thousand dollars,

I'll do it.

Ladies and gentlemen, Il give you Hardy har-har,

the laughing hyena!

Oh, me. Oh, my.

Okay, Snoop, you're on!

Snoop will do anything for laughs,

and the ten thousand dollars.

Heh. Heh-heh-heh.

[laughing]

[closing theme music]

[opening theme music]

[Augie] Good morning, mon Papa.

Good morning, Augie.

Augie, what's with the cap

and what's it supposed to be?

1 am ze chef of ze day.

And I will take ze breakfast order.

[laughs]

And what has ze chef

got on ze mezzanine for today?

We have ze, uh, eggs di chicken, over easy.

Ze sunnyside up, ze boiled ze hard, and ze boiled ze soft.

Okay, I'll take three eggs, le scramblet.

Three eggs, le scramblet coming.

Arrivederci, mon papa.

That's my boy who's talking Lithuanian.

[thudding]

[clucking]

[clucking]

! will get ze fresh eggs for mon dear Papa.

What's up, what's up, Cleo Elizabeth?

Gosh, maybe the hen house is on fire.

Wowee!

A King size chicken egg.

You should be proud of yourself, Cleo Elizabeth.

Dear old hungry Dad is in for a breakfast surprise snack.

Oh, chef, how about them eggs le scramblet?

Coming right up, le Papa.

[chirping]

-Dad, oh Dad. -What's the panic, Augie?

It's your scrambled eggs, Dad.

Slightly overdone.

Something is scrambled around here, Augie.

Because that's an ostrich.

Oh boy, an ostrich of my very own to keep?

I'll call him Archie.

Hold the phone, my son.

Who said anything about keeping him?

[Augie] But, Dad, he won't eat much.

Hey, that's my favorite pipe...

[Augie] Oh, too late, Dad.

He swallered it.

[objects clattering]

Hey, Dad.

Where are you?

[Daddy Doggie] I'm in the closet, son.

What is it?

Do you realize we got

Archie six weeks ago today?

And do you realize

1 can't find my favorite bowling ball?

[chirping]

Oh, no, he's swallowed my bowling ball.

Last week it was my golf clubs.

The week before, my prized mandolin.

And I'm thinking that overgrown parakeet has got to go.

Please, Dad, give Archie one more chance?

For six weeks I've been giving him dozens of one more chances.

And this is the last one more chance and that's finale.

I'll surprise Dad

with this clay statue of myself, Archie.

Maybe he'll be so happy,

he won't be mad at you anymore.

Oh, Augie, dinner's ready.

Coming, Dad, soon as ! wash up.

Now I wonder what's keeping that boy.

Augie!

Oh no, he gulped down my one and only little Augie.

Cough up my only son, you overgrown canary.

No son of mine is gonna be for the birds.

Sit tight, Augie boy, I'll get you out.

[screeches]

Where did he go?

Ostrich's have a peculiar way of hiding

but I'll find him.

Ah-ha!

Found you, didn't 1?

Okay, hand over my son without further ado.

Dad, Archie, where are ya?

Where'd everybody go?

Something tells me Archie is hiding

and Dad is looking for him, but I'll find him.

Oh, Dad?

Augie, my lost boy.

! thought Archie gulped you down.

Not me, Dad.

It was my statue.

Statue smatue.

This time that ostrich goes.

-Dad. -Yes, Augie.

1 think he already went.

[Daddy Doggie] There he goes, back into the house.

Look, Dad. Archie's gonna swallow that box of bullets.

What do ya mean, "Going to?" He has.

-[hiccups] -[gunshots]

Run, Augie! The bullets gave him the hiccups.

[gunshots]

If there's one thing l can't stand,

it's an ostrich who shoots his mouth off.

Hey look, Joe, there's our lost ostrich egg,

only he ain't an egg anymore.

Get the net, Bill, and we'll grab him.

Right, Joe.

[Bill] 1 got him!

Dad, look!

They're taking Archie back to the zoo.

[Daddy Doggie] He'll be safer there, son.

-[hiccups] -[gunshots]

And so will we.

And now that things are back to subnormal...

[Augie] Dad!

Look what Archie left us, an egg.

[Daddy Doggie] An egg?

It's time you learn

the facts of life, Augie.

He didn't leave no egg.

She did.

Dad, look.

[Daddy Doggie] Hey, that's my favorite pipe there.

It's too late, Dad.

Cough up that pipe, you pipsqueak.

Give him one more chance, please, Dad, please.

Here we go again, folks.

[chirping]

[closing theme music]

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Kellogg's, your best choice in cereals...

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f~ Yipee yi-o ki-a f

~ Galloping all the way f

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

f The high-falutin'est f

S Fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

[Quick Draw McGraw] Hey, Baba Looey!

Are you all right?

So right.