Original subtitles

f Yippee yi-o ki-a, Galloping all the way

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Kellogg's, the best to you each morning from Kellogg's!

f Yippee yi-o ki-a, Galloping all the way

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

£ Yippee yi-o ki-a, Riding around your way J

JS Here comes Quick Draw McGraw Sf

£ The high-falutin'est, Fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

J That's Quick Draw McGraw Sf

[announcer] Brought to you by Kellogg's...

[reading]

[instrumental music]

[dramatic musoc]

Here we are, Baba Looey.

Mild Bills Wild West Show.

[Baba Looey] Why do Mild Bill want to see us?

[McGraw] Search me. Let's go in and ask.

You sent for me, Mild Bill?

Right, Quick Draw.

l need a new act for my Mild Bill Wild West Show.

Thanks a heap, Mild Bill.

I'm sure I can help you.

I'll start the act with some bird calls.

First my Yellow Feathered Thrush.

[imitates bird chirping]

Oh, that's fine, but, uh...

Next an exhibition of fancy gun work.

Up she goes and down she goes.

Right smack back into the holster.

-[kKaboom] -[screams]

Oh, that smarts.

That's a mighty novel act, Quick Draw.

But this is the attraction I'm after.

Why? It's a little bitty horse critter.

To be more specific, it's a full-grown midget wild horse.

Can you get him for me?

Where will we find him?

In Little Horse Canyon, of course.

-It figures. -I'Il do it, Mild Bill.

But it'll cost you plenty.

Name your price.

A season's pass to the Mild Bill Wild West Show.

It's a deal, Quick Draw.

Then print your programs.

I'll have him here by tonight's show.

Good work, Quick Draw.

[cheerful music]

Here we are, Baba.

"Little Horse Canyon.

Population, one little horse."

Hey, look, Queeks Straw. There is the whole population.

[neighing]

Keep her going, Baba Looey.

And I'll rope the little critter.

Got him, Baba.

What do we do, Queeks Straw?

Put the brakes on, that's what.

Right, Queeks Straw.

Whoa, whoa. Hold on there, hussy.

I'm going to put you in show business.

Aww.

l think Queeks Straw is getting the business.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa...

-Pint size pony. -[crashing]

You're going to be a big little western star.

Whether you like it or not?

-You got him, Queeks Straw. -Right.

And I'm going to keep him under my hat for safekeeping.

Ooh, that smarts.

[galloping]

He's a spunky little critter.

But I'm gonna take it out of him.

How do you do that, Queeks Straw?

I'm going to bronco bust him. Watch.

Yahoo!

Yipee!

Yahoo!

And all that western type hollaring.

Ride him, Queeks Straw, ride him!

Nothing to it, Baba.

How's this for a fancy riding?

Hurray! Hurray!

Quick Draw McGraw, the greatest big rider in the west.

That's for sure, folks.

[crashes]

Quicks Draw, what happened to the little horse?

He ducked into this little cave.

What we do now, Queeks Straw?

Only one thing to do.

Call in Snuffles.

The biscuit hungry hound.

Hey, that's right.

Snuffles do anything for a dog biscuit.

Ah, ah, ah.

-Here you are, Snuffles. -[gulps biscuit]

[moans]

Ah!

Find me that little horse critter.

Ah-ah-ah.

That's right. Find me that little horse critter,

and you'll get another dog biscuit.

[huffs]

Look, Queeks Straw, he's got the little horse already.

Good boy, Snuffles.

Throw him another dog biscuit, Baba.

He earned it.

Ah-ah-ah.

We don't have no more dog biscuits, Queeks Straw.

Huh?

Oh, hold on, thar!

Snuffles, I left the dog biscuits in town.

When I deliver that little horse,

I'll give you the whole box.

Is ita deal?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mild Bill] And now, ladies and gentlemen,

for the big surprise of the evening.

[galloping]

-Yippee! Yippee! -[gunshots]

Yippee!

Ah-ah-ah.

Don't worry, Snuffles.

1 didn't forget your reward.

Here's your box of dog biscuits.

Eat them in good health.

[box makes empty sound]

Oh, the box must be empty, Queeks Straw.

Introducing the world's smallest...

...horse.

Uh-oh, that Mild Bill.

He's going to be a wild Bill now.

Don't fret none, Baba.

l have a say-lution.

[galloping]

-Yippee! -[gunshot]

-Yippee! -[gunshots]

Yahoo!

Whoa!

I'm on my way, Mild Bill.

Good work, Quick Draw.

And I hope you find that wonderful horse.

I will.

And meanwhile, remember, Baba,

the show must go on!

Okays, but hurry ups.

I'm pooped.

[instrumental music]

Hold it, Blab. You walked in backwards.

I'm sorry, Snoop. So, should I try again?

Never mind, you already ruined my classy opening.

Today we have a fascinating story for you

in the case of the Purloined Parrot,

which I'm certain you'll find, uh, fascinating.

Purloined means stolen, in case you flunked English.

Our fascinating story begins in a fascinating old mansion,

home of abode of captain Sam Scuttle.

Retired pirate.

We must drop eaves on Sam, and listen to what's going on.

Alfy, we batten down the hatches

on our pirating days for good.

[Alfy] Right you are, governor!

And from now on it's clear sailing ahead

as bloomin' land lovers.

Right, and I always loves it.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

But remember, matey,

only you and I know where the treasure is buried.

Belay your fears, governor!

No one will ever find out from me!

It's polly wants a cracker here,

and polly wants a cracker there,

and outside of that, I'm as mum

as a bloomin' stuffed barracuda.

You'll talk, me feathered bucko,

or my name ain't Barnacle Bilge!

[laughs]

[telephone rings]

Snooper detective agency. Snoop speaking.

You're saying your parrot's been birdnapped?

And you'll pay me a thousand pieces of eight if I find him?

Throw in a few whole eights and I'll be right over.

Sounds like a 603, Snoop.

Yeah, Blab. A retired pirate's stolen parrot.

We must go.

Say, Snoop, why does Sam Scuttle want his parrot back so bad?

Because Alfy knows where the treasure is buried.

And if he talks, it's back to piracy

and the high seas for Sam Scuttle.

Then it's me boundin' main duty to find Alfy,

and keep you off the straight and narrow plank.

Snoop has a soft spot for pirates.

Can you tell me whom done it?

It was Barnacle Bilge, my scurvy second mate.

! found this barnacle outside my port window.

How are we gonna find Barnacle Bilge, Snoop?

Elementary school, my dear Blab,

we follow the trail of barnacles.

Gosh, Snoop, the trail led us straight to the docks.

And just in the nick knack of time, Blab!

Look!

You better talk, me fine feathered friend,

-or you'll walk the plank! -Okay, I'll talk.

Polly wants a cracker, Polly wants a cracker,

-Polly wants a cracker. -Stop that blasted record!

Unplank that parrot, Barnacle Bilge!

Blimey, ! knew good old Sam would send someone to save me!

Well, you ain't saved yet, so start walking!

Right so, governor!

[humming]

Ho, he's a bloomin' acrobat, he is.

Ahoy mates, how's my shipmate, Captain Sam Scuttle?

He's a bit of all right, he is.

A good private eye has to speak several languages.

I'll shishkabob the whole bloomin’ lot of you!

Hi-ho, mate,

while ! show Barnacle Bilge

the ropes around here.

My pirates pride has been hurt by a blinkin' parrot.

Come on, Alfy!

Whilst ! still have time to save ya!

Off the more, mate,

whilst I put this blue ball in the side pocket!

Man overboard!

Drop in again, governor.

Now will you please let us save you, Alfy?!

Not 'til he tells me where the blinkin' treasure is,

or I'll blast the blighter with my bloomin’ pistol!

Oh, governor, your bloomin' pistol is full of water.

Blimey, it is.

Stop, or I'll make a polly pizza pie out of you!

[gunshots]

Dum-de-dum-dum-dum-dum-dee-

dum-de-dum-dum-dum-dum-dee.

Blimey, what's cooking?!

Happy birthday, Bilge!

Gosh, I love birthdays, Mr. Bilge!

Are we gonna play games?

Right, matey!

And ! knows a swell one!

Blab, what are you doing up there?

Do I have to save you, too?

I'm afraid so, Snoop!

And the way to do it is to get Alfy to talk,

or it anchors away, you might say!

[Baba] I'd appreciate it, Snoop.

I can't swim!

Cast off, you swabs!

! don't want to be saved!

You better come down,

because I know someone who does!

Where's the treasure, Alfy!

Talk, or ! dunk him like a bloomin' doughnut.

You win, governor!

The treasure is on Gooney Island.

Gooney Island, you swabs!

And make it snappy!

Ten, 11, 12, 13.

Here's where my precious treasure is buried!

Start digging, you swabbies!

At last, I'm gonna live like a bloomin' duke,

sipping my tea out of a golden saucer.

Hey, Bilge, all 1 could find is this beat up old box!

Blimey! It's the treasure chest!

Gosh, Snoop, look at that!

It's full of crackers!

Crackers?

You were expecting maybe pieces of eight?

You know how it is, governor,

Polly wants a cracker, Polly wants a cracker,

Polly wants a cracker.

Don't look so disappointed, Bilge,

crackers are swell with tea.

[Bilge] Here, you can have 'em, mate!

[bang]

And so went the case of the Purloined Parrot.

Snoop really used his head this time.

Uh, you can say that again.

[instrumental music]

After a hard day there's nothin’

like the newspaper, television, and--

[indistinct]

Now what's Augie up to?

[speaking Martian]

-Augie? Y-es, dear old dad.

How can I relax with that racket

goin’ on out there?

I'm talking to my friend, Boinka Boinka.

Boinka Boinka?

Are you speaking Upaslovanian

or Lowaslovanian?

Neither, dad, it's pure outer space Martian.

Ha ha ha.

These kids with their electric-tronics.

What imagination.

[indistinct]

[Alien] Babysit.

[speaking Martian]

Be glad to.

[speaking Martian]

[Alien] Be right over.

Dad, dear old dad.

Yes, my favorite son?

My friend, Boinka, wants me to babysit for him.

You're certainly not gonna let your friend down.

Especially when he's from Upaslovania.

[laughs]

No, dad.

He's from outer space.

Here he comes now.

Ha ha ha.

These kids and their imaginations.

Whatever it is he must be drivin’ up

in an egg beater.

Yoo hoo, Boinka, here l am.

That's my boy, who just went by there.

Boinka Boinka.

[speaking Martian]

Glad to see ya.

[speaking Martian]

Likewise, I'm sure.

[Augie speaking Martian]

What a cute kid.

[Boinka] Be back at eight.

[humming]

Augie. And I'm afraid to ask the question.

What have you got there?

Like 1 said, skeptical dad,

it's a real Martian baby.

Oh, sure, sure.

Let's have a look at the little fella.

[speaking Martian]

It couldn't be Halloween so soon.

[Augie] Like I said, dad, he's from outer space.

What will the neighbors say?

[speaking Martian]

-[Augie] Isn't he cute? -What can !I say?

After all, how many fathers have a boy

that's an interplanetary babysitter?

Then Snow White said to the seven dwarfs,

she said, she said...

[snoring]

[speaking Martian]

What happened to the babysitter?

Hold it, you fugitive from the big dipper.

Never mind that Bonka Bonka.

When I say hit the hay

] mean hit the hay.

[speaking Martian]

How about that?

Ha ha ha.

The babysitter's sound asleep.

Ain't that just like kids, folks?

They start somethin’ and the parents

have to finish it. [laughs]

Are you out again? Wait a minute!

[speaking Martian]

l said, now wait a minute.

[speaking Martian]

Bonka Bonka, just where do you think you're goin’?

Better yet, where do I think I'm going?

[thuds]

I'm glad Augie didn't start an outer space

-nursery school. -Bonka, bonka.

Now stay put or you'll get spanka spanka.

Now, goodnight.

Ha ha ha, kids are all alike.

Except those from outer space.

Jumpin’ jupiter. Hey, come back!

Come back here, sonny!

The neighbor's dog will chomp you

into Martian mince meat.

Oh no!

I'm afraid to look.

[speaking Martian]

Sorry to do this, son, but I have to shut you

in like a Martian clam.

Now try to go beddy-bye.

Will eight o'clock never come?

Oh no!

Stop there you misguided missile.

Stop! Come back here, you Martian mosquito!

Lower, kid! Lower!

Shall we have another waltz

or shall we sit this one out?

[speaking Martian]

I'm sorry, officer, 1 was chasin'

a flyin’ saucer with a Martian baby in it.

Martians is it now?

And me thinkin’ it was Leprechaun season.

Look, there he is!

[speaking Martian]

Excuse me, officer, 1 gotta catch a kid.

Hello, sergeant?

About that policeman's triple retirement plan.

I'm ready, ready, ready.

It's Boinka Boinka, it must be eight o'clock.

Dad, Boinka's back for his baby.

[doorbell rings]

You say somebody on Jupiter

needs a babysitter?

Oh, boy!

Thanks, Boinka.

There's somethin’ wrong, dad.

l can't contact Jupiter.

Maybe there's nobody home, Augie boy.

Sometimes for a boy's own good

a parent's got to pull a few wires.

f Yipee yi-o ki-a Galloping all the way

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

[announcer] Kellogg's, your best choice in cereals...

[reading]

f Yipee yi-o ki-a Galloping all the way

~ Great big star on his chest f

£ Outdraws all of the rest f

~ Fastest gun in the west f

f Yipee yi-o ki-a Galloping all the way

~ There goes Quick Draw McGraw f

f The high-falutin'est f

S Fastest shootin'est

~ Cowboy you ever saw f

Hey, Baba Looey! Are you all right?

S'awright.