Original subtitles

Hi, Nikki.

Hello, Gloria.

Hi.

Hey, Gloria.

There's been a murder, oh my god, there's been a terrible crime.

There's been a murder, someone's dead, oh what a horrible crime.

Who could have done this? Find the killer and make sure they do time.

Another murder, heavens no, who is the victim this time? An aristocratic

daughter. What a cruel and goalless slaughter.

Who'll find out where this villain roams?

Where is Sherlock Holmes?

Places, please.

The streets have lo- This is a dangerous place. We'll find the killer. I'll

confront him and get up in his face. We need the doctor and his partner to be

hot on the case. Hang on, the doctor has a partner?

Well, there are rumors.

He is odd and yet effective.

Arrogant. The best detective.

He was so rich with a fine true comb.

So where is Sherlock Holmes?

I am Lestrade. I am from Scotland Yard. I could solve this whole crime just

fine. But it's not me they want. No, they want the savant. I color within the

thin blue line.

You're not who we want. We want the savant. It's Sherlock's time to

shine.

We want Sherlock. We need Sherlock.

Where's Charlie?

Oh, he's off-site today.

Yeah, he's doing an audit of his internal paperwork.

You know how hard it is to get to direct a show on Broadway?

How much trust they have to have in you?

And the...

Pressure.

A sacrifice.

Never had a real relationship.

Never lived anywhere longer than a few months.

I have nothing to my name except my name.

That means nothing now.

Ever since two months ago when my supposed best friend in all the world

single-handedly destroyed my career because I had the temerity to actually

direct her. I take one song off her and she tells the world I assaulted Forrest

Gump's mum.

And my creativity's dead.

Can't go back to New York now.

How's the vision diary going?

No change then.

Keep your feet off the couch.

We're closing in 10 minutes and you still need to pay for 18 lamingtons.

It's Charlie, don't leave a message.

It's Mum again, for the fifth time today.

Look, we are rudderless without you, Sugar Plum, so if you did feel like

popping by, just for a... You know, that would be...

Really great.

But also, just, you know, take all the time you need.

But also, um, please, please just... Yeah,

okay.

Bye, duckling.

The show will go on.

Is your internal monologue spelling out again?

He will be back, Nicky, I promise.

Come on.

Gonna rehearse something.

Okay, if we just... Maybe if we just... Okay,

if you wouldn't mind... Okay, if we... Everyone... You lot,

focus!

Thanks. Everyone, let's start with scene three.

Adam, if you could grab the cords.

Is this a good spot to dismount?

Yeah. Um, wherever.

Hey, uh, Gloria, are we actually going to go with the whole horse thing?

Because I reckon that Sherlock would definitely have a horse.

Uh, that is a Charlie question.

Maybe Sherlock and Watson could have horses?

Tap dancing horses?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and a carriage.

Oh, yeah, a carriage. Oh, spectacular.

Spectacular for the budget. Does that mean we want everyone in chaps? I have,

like, a dozen leather pairs that I made for the Chodonga beer cycles. They

just... Need a patch up.

Hashtag time's up, Judah says.

Adrian and I have booked the space.

Hi, Jackie. You've changed your hair?

Yeah. This is the Cleopatra wig for the character of Cleopatra in my new solo

show. Cleopatra?

Maligned women of history.

Directed by yours truly.

You're happy to make it the official pizzazz show in the event that...

Riddick Knepper baby doesn't show up.

Well, actually, as I mentioned in my email, Jacqueline, technically speaking,

a solo show doesn't qualify as a pizzazz show.

No, I am pizzazz, Gay.

I'm the box office joy.

We are a community theatre, and we make community shows, and there is no I in

community. Well, there is.

And there is an I in duplicity, dishonesty.

And done your best friend dirty.

Well, the offer's still there.

Well, you are more than welcome to join us. Absolutely not!

I, Adrian Templeton...

32-time Tata Award-winning director, hereby proclaim that I could not in good

conscience work with a freeloading monster like Charlie Summers. I stand in

solidarity with Jackie and all maligned women of his, her story.

Hashtag girl power. Hashtag he for she.

Hashtag free the nipple.

Oh.

Who's that? Jackie.

Oh, real mature.

Not too much.

You are doing that next time. It's freezing in here.

Jackie Charlie beef, bad vibe, right?

Feels like there's been a tear in the very fabric of pizzazz.

Oh, fabric, tear, funny.

It's just so sad how you can go from the best of friends to mortal enemies.

Please say that will never be us.

Never.

Oh,

when do you have to submit?

Tonight.

Wait, what if we don't put on the show?

Well, then I'll have to take it off my drama school application.

We have to. I just spent 18 hours bedazzling Sherlock's deerstalker head.

Wait, stop.

Can you imagine if I got a Tata nomination as well? You so deserve a

Tata for Toy Babes. Like, you are so perfect.

Stop.

Man, it's starting to feel real, Ezra.

Like, I think I might actually get in.

I know.

Gloria.

I can't talk to you right now.

Sorry.

I'm just so anxious and a big part of that is you and the blood curse and I'm

scared to touch you.

And I want to touch you.

Oh my God, I want to touch you.

I have to go.

I have to go.

I'm sorry.

Hey,

what's going on with you and Gloria, mate?

Don't tell us you still haven't told her the blood curse was a lie.

Bro, what did we tell you? Honesty is the best policy. You can't go around

making up elaborate stories about intergenerational curses. I was just

nervous, okay?

And now Laurie believes the curse so hard she keeps avoiding me.

Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna tell her the truth.

That?

That I made it up in a moment because I was...

nervous of the intensity of the feelings I was feeling.

Good man.

Oh! Yoo-hoo!

I made your favourite!

Ta-da!

Apricot chicken.

Mum, I said I wasn't hungry.

You have to eat cabbage.

I did eat.

Eighteen Leamingtons. That's five more than yesterday.

Oh,

Charlie.

Look, I know you're hurt, Poodle, and what Jackie did was rough, but you've

just got to try and pick yourself up.

I am up.

Look, pumpkin.

I know it's not your dream, but don't you think directing Sherlock might take

your mind off everything for a bit?

Troy made 40k.

Does that budget inspire you?

Look, I promised everyone you're coming back. We're in a pickle pickle.

Mum.

You're not listening to me. I...

I have nothing to offer.

I've been keeping it updated for you.

Really?

Yeah.

See there?

Look at the two of you.

Your future's so bright.

I believe in you, Charlie.

Always have and always will.

Now eat your dinner

Mum

this is from last week. What the hell?

Oh Yeah, I was 50-50 on how you take that last one, but it's such a good

photo of Sally. Don't you think? No!

happened to be king it was all so dreamy except for this one thing

the boy who I loved had a wife who just happened to be queen

so this meek maiden got a little mean

when someone's in the way screwing up your plans you've got to take matters

into your own

And take her out, take her down Take her man and take her crown If you wanna

make, make, make, make it Then you gotta

has no future in full-lorn. Hell hath no fury like a woman's kind. So in love

with a man that he personally asks the Pope for an annulment so she can give

him a male heir, which he isn't able to do, so he secretly plans her downfall,

which gives the phrase, take her down, an ironically tragic new meaning.

Just an offer.

If you wanna make, make, make, make it Then you gotta take, take, take, take it

Take your time Anne Boleyn

is working fabulously. Yeah, just, um, not sure on the spoken word.

Oh, I just thought we could spice it up with a bit of back and forth.

We can keep workshopping.

So Anne Boley takes us to six women.

I think we could do with a couple more.

Margaret Thatcher?

Yes, that was me.

Was she maligned?

Previously misunderstood.

Ruled with an iron fist.

Just like my mother Joan.

Joan of Arc? Leader of men.

Is Joan too low status for me?

Never.

You know, I honestly haven't felt this inspired for years.

To think that all you needed to do was break away from Charlie's toxic

friendship.

Oh, cheers to you, darling.

To me.

Now,

if not spoken word, how would you feel if I did some nifty narration?

I'm sure we... Right!

Crisis meeting.

Come on.

You'll have noticed the conspicuous absence of our director, Charlie, and

with... No luck with the apricot chicken, Gay? He didn't even touch it.

Sorry I'm late.

I had to say goodbye to a dear old lady who's really clung on to the last

breath. Anyway,

without a director... Putting on a show would be difficult, but not impossible.

My vote is...

We cut our losses, get the deposit back from Her Majesties and call it a day.

All in favour say... Oh, Eileen's last words were, good luck with Sherlock.

We have to follow up Troy. We've made all the costumes already.

And it's my first lead role. They announced it in the Tauranga Herald and

Mum was so proud she bought every copy.

Also, the music is amazing. It would be depriving Tauranga of Gloria's genius.

It's freezing in here. Has someone been fiddling with my aircon settings? Should

we ask Adrian back?

No, I tried that.

I've heard he responds to begging.

All I got was an auto-response with his statement and some Tatar's promotional

spam. He's been campaigning ruthlessly.

Oh, Daddy wants that record back.

Glory's an amazing director.

She has so many admirable skills.

Well, I'm going to try again tonight with my deviled sausages, but this whole

Jackie debacle's absolutely flattened him.

I think I know how we can cheer him up.

Hey, my bro. Cool robe.

We heard you need some cheering up.

Charlie,

oi, we need you back.

Cos rehearsals are real slack.

We don't know where to go or what to do.

What to do.

Charlie, heck, I'm back direct.

The whole place is a fricking wreck.

Cause even though you're super sad, we all need you.

Well,

10

out of 10 for the death drop.

Let's call it a dip.

Won't you be my Troy?

Absolutely not.

Now you're just making me hungry.

I'm not a performing monkey.

Just out for your mum, Charlie.

You still haven't fessed up about that?

Please, Charlie, we need you back.

I'm missing Cola Skolas 40th for this.

Really sorry, guys. I thought that was going to work.

We tried.

I've got someone coming in for a job interview, so... Later, guys.

Hey, Gloria, we need to... Oh, you're blowing it, dude.

Connor? Is that you?

Water was dripping from somewhere, so I... What have we got here? Dodgy fuse?

Nope.

Checked it all.

Everything looks fine.

Well, that can't be right.

The lights are flickering non-stop. The aircon's stuck on freezing.

I'm less... Hang on.

What? The last time the electrics went dicky like this for no reason was with

Norma.

Oi, that's my breakfast.

Nikki is probably going to tell your mum to cancel the show.

I know Sherlock Holmes is the last thing on your mind right now and your ego is

bruised and you may well be clinically depressed, but I think there's a way we

can all get what we want.

OK, I know it's not Broadway, but I've Googled them and they've done some

really great productions. Some have even transferred to Broadway.

Yeah, I... I know Linda.

Roger must have left.

Well, they know where I am.

All they need is a sample of some of your work and all we need is for someone

to help us put on a show.

Or you could just let Jackie steal the spotlight without any competition.

Just think about it, okay?

You should listen to her.

Also, you're eating your feelings. I'm taking these for your own safety.

We want Sherlock.

We need Sherlock.

We want Sherlock.

We need Sherlock.

You're lost.

I've got to go.

Do you need a ride?

No, thanks.

Yep. Come on, shift it.

We have a problem.

Yes, I know, Nicky. Everyone's here. Charlie's not back. I might have to

direct the show.

Charlie's not back with someone else's.

Huh? Oh, it's a flickering.

You called on the French?

We know what that means.

What does that mean?

Norma! No!

Well, that's the last thing we need.

Are you all right, Sausage?

You haven't committed a crime, have you?

I can... Have a heart attack?

I can come back and direct the shot.

Oh, really?

On one condition.

It's got to be done on my terms.

My vision.

My way.

Okay? Whatever you need, Beaches.

We're just so happy to have you back.

The streets of London are unkind. This is a dangerous place.

We'll find the killer. I'll confront him and get up in his face. We need the

doctor and his partner to be hot on the case. Hang on, the doctor has a partner?

Well, there are rumours. He is odd and yet effective.

Arrogant. The best detective.

He will solve it with a fine tooth comb.

So where is Sherlock Holmes? We want Sherlock.

We need Sherlock.

Where?