Original subtitles

Shut up, dude. Come on.

Hey, you know how you're gay, right?

I'm just saying, you know.

Shitty bands, man.

Shouldn't listen to shitty bands.

Do you guys want to do something?

Hold on. Pause it. Pause it, dude.

Hold on.

What? Do you want to, like...

Do something or go somewhere, you know?

Like... I'm pressing start. You guys should take me out.

You ain't going nowhere.

Let's, like, let's go out. I want to go out.

Yeah?

Let's go somewhere.

Hey, no.

Don't you want to, like, go? Let's go do something. Take me out.

We're not going anywhere.

Why? Mom and dad are out of town.

Look, okay, I'm your big brother, all right? You know, I'm the one in charge

right now while they're gone. You are not the boss of me.

I am for now.

Well, then I'm just going to go out by myself and do bad things. No, you're

not. I'm just going to go out by myself and do really bad things. Dude, let's

just play. You guys are gay for playing this game.

Really gay.

Shh!

Oh, yeah!

Yeah,

you guys are just really gay for playing that game, actually.

Like, really gay.

Dude, damn it. What are you doing? You're not even playing. No, my

controller got stuck.

You're not even doing anything. What the hell?

It's stuck.

You're leaving me alone on this whole fucking game by myself. I can't even do

anything.

Faye, knock it off. I can see you giving my friend googly eyes.

Like, seriously, sis? Just, fuck. Knock it off. I'm sorry, dude.

I'm trying to play a game. Look, I... I like to play games too, you know.

I love playing games.

I love playing games.

Oh, damn it. What the hell, dude?

Even when I'm distracted.

You gotta stop listening to that music.

Oh, God. All right, I'm out of beer. I gotta make a beer run.

Easy.

Yes, please. Thank you.

Can I have that?

Oh, yeah. Thanks. All right.

Babe. What?

Behave yourself with my fucking friend.

Seriously. I'll be back in a second.

I'm a big girl, you know. Yes, I know, but do not.

Do not.

Got you, bro. I'll be back. Alright.

I have a game we can play.

Um, what would that be?

It's called, How Do I Know You're Not Gay?

Um, alright.

You wanna play?

Look at that.

How do I know you're not gay? Look,

he's my friend, and he said not to touch you, so I'm gonna... I'll be your

friend.

I'll be your special friend.

Okay, I don't know if I need one of those right now, but, um, look.

Everybody needs a special friend. He said he'll be right back.

Okay, he drives like a grandma.

Okay, well... He'll be right back.

Really cute, you know that?

Thank you?

What's the matter? You don't think girls are cute? Ow,

that's my dick.

Ow, going into my pants.

No.

Okay, I'm not gay, obviously, if I have a raging hard-on.

You don't like tits?

She's not coming back.

What's the matter? Are you a virgin?

No.

You play a lot of video games.

Just because I play video games doesn't mean I'm a virgin.

Have you ever seen boobs before? Yes, on video games. In the flesh?

Yes, that too.

Nothing. Oh no.

Look at that. Look at what? Something sticking up through your pants. It's my

keys.

Wow.

Does he want to come out and play?

Yeah.

All right, well, I think, okay.

Oh, it's so big.

It's huge.

I would have never thought that this would come at you.

Where did you learn to do that?

I just... Alright then.

Where are you learning this shit?

What?

Doesn't that feel good?

Yeah. Do you like big tits wrapped around your dick?

You're really high. I don't think you're okay.

So, second best friend you've ever been?

No. Why do you keep kidding?

Well, I mean, yeah, my brother. He's never had a girlfriend.

Just because he hasn't had many girlfriends doesn't mean I haven't been

able to get lucky.

I see it in stuff.

You watch a lot of dream movies, don't you?

I think you watch far a lot more than I do.

Have you ever seen one this close up?

Yeah.

Haven't you tasted one?

Oh, you want it?

You want it?

Fuck it. Are you sure? Yeah.

I don't think we're supposed to do it. What?

I was wondering if... Are you John?

Yeah.

Hi. Hi.

I'm Faye. Nice to meet you. I'm John.

Nice to meet you.

I'm okay.

Yeah.

So my friend, he told me about your full-service

massage. And I was wondering if I could... Get a massage?

Yeah. Yeah, well, that's what I do.

It's $150 for the full massage, so we should probably get that out of the way

right now.

Great. Okay.

You know what?

One second. I'm not leaving. I'm just going to go out to my car and get my...

You take plastic, right?

Yeah. Okay.

Are you ready then?

Yes. Are you calm now?

Yes. Okay, good. Take a breather. Let's go this way.

This way.

Alright. I'll show you. Alright.

Okay, hold on a second.

I didn't know this was a... A bathroom?

No, I mean, no.

I thought it was just like a massage table and... No. My friends didn't go in

much. Detail that's

perfectly

fine. I'll just You

know, yeah

Are you ready? Oh yeah, I'm ready. Alright, let's do this.

Sorry, I was excited and I'm just kind of nervous.

Why are you nervous?

I haven't really been with them.

I mean, I've been with them a few. A few girls? Yeah, online.

On the internet.

Alrighty.

How about real girls?

Real girls. Real girls.

How many boobies can you touch?

About none.

My mother's really good. Oh, okay. When you touch boobs, you don't grab them

that hard.

All right, all right.

Hey, you know, I could take my pants off, so... No, no, no, no, no.

I have to take everything off.

Sit down.

So you've never been with a girl before, huh?

Um, no, no.

I mean...

I have to wash you. I have to wash all of you.

I have to

wash you. All righty.

You were so excited earlier.

You know, this isn't a traditional massage.

Well, I can't massage all of your clients until they're clean.

You know, I don't want to be lost in there.

I don't want to be lost in there.

I don't mind.

I don't want to be lost in there.

I don't mind.

Thank you. Thank

you.

Yeah. Oh.

Okay, I'm going to put this up so you can use your hands and you can wash

them.

I'm being gestural.

Cool.

Do we do other things, too?

Like what people who aren't virgins do?

Oh, you meant what we do here.

Or both.

Both.

Well, we do do other things here, actually.

But I don't know if you're ready for that.

I think I am.

Oh, you think you are, huh?

You know, we'll think about that.

I'm going to take you to the bathroom now.

This is a good pre-cursor.

Where do you feel the most tense?

My lower back.

Back here.

So about the other yeah, you know the other things that you said they

do

Well, I'm just wondering if you're ready for that. Uh, yeah.

I kind of...

Well,

that being that, I would be your first. Are you okay with having a massage club

be your first?

Ah, yes.

Yeah? Yes.

You don't want to go find, like, some...

No, girl.

Ah, you seem pretty normal to me.

Well,

if we're gonna do this, I think you should sit down.

Being here for the first time in a while, I don't want...

So, why don't you tell me exactly what it is you heard we did here?

Um, yeah, massages and, um...

Well, I can give you a massage.

Uh, well, they said blowjobs too.

What, what was it?

Blowjobs.

This? No, you have a sense of humor.

That's cute.

Really good.

No I wasn't gonna do anything

Thank you.

Don't come.

Don't come.

If you make yourself come, then you haven't lost it yet.

They won't count.

Don't drink it too hard.

You can play with it just a little bit, okay?

It's okay, you can look at me.

Tell me what you like about me.

I like that you have really pretty freckles and

a nice slender body and big tits. Big what?

Tits. Yeah.

Have you ever put your mouth on someone else's tits?

Uh, I haven't. Yeah?

Are you loved?

no no no no no you don't bite you you you you suck it and you

lick it and when you bite you bite

Lay down

Did

that

feel good in the bathtub?

It was really romantic

and relaxing.

What did it feel like?

It felt really tranquil.

What did it feel like on your dick? Oh, fuck.

What did it feel like? Really good.

Like what you might imagine a cunt would feel like.

Like a tight butt pussy would feel like.

Tell me what you want more of.

You just want a massage, right? Should we just finish with the massage? I feel

the stress coming up.

I think we'll finish off with the massage.

Massage my dick please.

Say it again, I can't hear you. Massage my dick please.

Okay.

Just with my hands though.

with my hands? yeah

You have to keep your eyes closed to count, okay?

Keep your eyes

closed.

What does that feel like?

You can open your eyes now.

What if... I put my mouth back on it.

Do you think you can handle it this time?

Tell me. I can handle it, yeah.

What do you want?

Your mouth off my dick.

And now the mid-dick.

What's the matter?

Nothing. It was really good.

No.

There are other things.

That your dick can go into besides just the hands and mouth.

Yeah, well, I think I need like therapy, massage therapy weekly.

So, if I can come back.

Bring your credit card and maybe next week we'll move.

Mickey Sunshine?

Mickey Sunshine here.

Mickey, it's Faye.

Faye. My favorite sexy sports day to do it.

Down on my luck?

How's the sleaziest bookie in Vegas doing?

I am.

That's actually what I'm calling about.

I want to put one down for his big game tonight.

10,000 big ones, to be exact.

I want to bet...

Against him.

Or, I don't know, at least have them not cover the spread.

Nothing,

Mickey. I'm just trying to get ahead like everyone else in this rat race.

Now it's time to pay Jordan Nash a little bit.

Well, how you doing? If it isn't my agent.

Come to wish me luck in the big game tonight.

You know, I'm feeling a comeback.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

Listen, Jordan, I think we should have a talk about your career.

Yeah, you know what? I was thinking that too. We should have a talk. I need to

get maybe, you know, some more like big sponsorships and up my public profile a

little bit, you know?

Ashenator.

You, uh, do you ever think about the future, you know, your future?

What do you mean?

I mean, you still got your golden years ahead of you. Do you really want

to risk having an injury so close to retirement?

Retirement? Fuck retirement. I am not ready to retire.

Okay, well, how about money?

Do you even have a retirement fund?

Gonna be able to pay off your mortgage?

Not to mention that failed restaurant franchise.

I know that that had to leave you with some debt.

Well, that's why I'm saying that you need to get me some more big

sponsorships. I mean, what do I pay you for?

Okay, look.

Jordan.

We both know you're definitely not getting any younger.

Really, you're not getting any better.

Look, I have your best interest at heart. The last thing I want to see is

for you to end up broke or getting hurt.

What do you have in mind?

Well, I, uh, I have a plan.

And you may not like it in the short term, but in the long run...

You're going to end up thanking me.

A plan, huh?

Okay.

Faye Reagan here.

Hey, Reagan, this is Mickey. I got an update on your bed for tonight's game

for you.

Um... So the spry's gone down means you got extra points. Okay.

Okay, good.

You bitch!

No,

you listen to me, Gordo.

Look, I am not going to throw that game for your fucking gambling addictions,

okay?

You're done.

You're done. I am just trying to save one last... piece of cash from your

slowly dying career.

You know what? No, fuck that. You're fired.

I'm in the aid market for a new agent now.

Oh, really? Well, no one's going to take you.

Fuck that, and I'm not throwing the game for you tonight. I'm going to kick ass

in that game tonight. I'm going to fucking kill it.

Listen, do you want to go out as a loser, or do you want to be a champion

and take one last payoff?

Pay off, huh? And what am I gonna get?

What

am

I gonna do is just... Just lose the game and you go.

One last champion run.

Just cover the spread?

Yeah, that's all you gotta do.

Come on. None of my clients are losers.

You don't want to be a loser, do you?

Okay, yeah. You know what?

You're gonna throw the game?

Yeah, I will. I will. Fuck the game. I don't care.

Yeah? Good.

You can fuck that game and you can fuck me too.

You've always been a good agent. You have looked out for me.

I'm doing the right thing, Jordan.

Is that okay?

Let me do the right thing, huh? Let me do the right thing.

Oh yeah.

yes yes yes yes yes yes

Look at me, I'm such a good boy.

Mmm.

That's my batting average now.

There you go.

Oh yeah, sit down, sit down.

Sit on your butt, sit.

There you go, nice and low.

Oh yeah.

You're so eager to get that cocked on your throat, aren't you?

Oh, yeah.

Come on. If you want me to throw the game, you better swallow it.

Oh, good girl. Right there.

Oh, look up here, baby. Look here.

Oh, we're between those teddies.

As long as you don't get like that on the field.

Yeah,

let's just sit there and fuck it.

Here, come on. Come on, you want me to throw that game?

Yeah. Fuck your little mouth. Put it in your mouth. Put your hands on.

Grab your tits.

Rub those titties, yeah.

Come on, you must really want this.

Let me fucking throw like that.

Oh yeah.

your life.

Oh.

I heard it fucking young.

Looks like I'm not gonna be able to play in the game tonight.

Well, guess that was a freebie then.

Now,

does anybody have a real story we can use?

We got that, um...

We got that feminine, that Linda Blowham.

Oh, yeah.

So, uh, everyone knows she's, you know, she's with child. She's knocked up.

It's legal, bitches.

You're about to make some time for me, motherfucker.

She thinks that feminine is the one who, you know, stuck her through it. The

biggest thing about it is that this is, like, this rockumentary about his, like,

big return.

That's right. That's right. Dr.

Drado. Femin-em.

Rep-umentary. That's how we do it in the studio, y'all.

That's right. Whoa, freeze, freeze.

Illin?

Man, you Illin?

Nobody say that no more.

Yeah, that's where this footage came from.

That's excellent.

That's great. It's like we got this big scoop. Guys, go about it. Get it. This

is good. All right.

Come on, man.

Come on, homie. You keep spitting that weed, people gonna know you white bread.

Dog, listen to me. This is your comeback.

Yo, get back. Yo, retribution.

Yo, it is.

Playboy, you got to go hard or you got to go home. Simple as that.

Get this shit 100.

I'm sorry.

Who's there?

Who that be?

I'm clean now. I ain't holding shit.

Are you high?

Are you tweaking right now?

Why haven't you been answering your motherfucking phone? I don't have no

phone anymore.

What? What do you think I am? You think I'm a little dime-a-dozen whore that you

can just fuck and deposit your load in and then never call me back again? Well,

yeah.

Calm down. You know what? Calm down.

You know what? Calm down.

Well, I hope you like fucking shooting your killing girls because you're about

to be a daddy.

Ooh. My name is Paul, and on that note...

That's between y'all.

Hey, man, where you going, man? I'm about to hear another one. I'm a

producer. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't you, like, fuck everybody?

Well, yeah, I guess I kind of do.

That is not the point, asshole. The point is that you are the only one

that's not on drugs right now.

So there's no other way the baby has to be yours.

I don't know about that.

I mean, rehab can't be expensive.

There's two ways we can handle this.

Number one, and preferably, you can empty your pockets right now and give me

a shit fucking ton of money so I can take care of this little brat.

Yeah?

I ain't got no money.

That's bullshit.

But number two will work too.

You can sit down.

You can unzip your pants right now and let me ride your little white cocks so

that I can get off over and over because, frankly, the lady hasn't been

cutting it in the orgasm department.

I mean, we could do that and since we're fucking, I mean, I guess I could come in

you since you're already knocked up, right?

Hell no, I don't want fucking twins. What's wrong with you?

Hey, um, can I get another little thing going on here?

Yeah, man, sure. I gotta save some energy. That's a good idea. Who is he?

I'm the production assistant.

Oh, okay.

Stand up.

Don't, no, never mind. Don't touch me.

Don't fucking touch me.

I'm already touching you with my dick. It's in your mouth. Shut up!

You need to do more hip-hop, baby.

Yeah, that's how I imagined you.

Aloha, that's how I imagined you.

Wow, baby.

Yeah, get gangsta with it.

Oh, God, baby.

Ah, fuck.

Take care of it.

I want your mouth. I want your little mouth, baby.

Yeah.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Two fucking heart attacks.

Oh my god.

Oh my

gosh.

Oh my gosh.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Is that fucking pussy?

Yeah.

Oh my god,

I want to see it.

Yeah,

fuck you.

oh baby oh baby oh my god oh my god

Give me hurry up hurry up

Yeah.

Deep on it.

See that? Look at those chickens.

Look at those fucking chickens.

Oh my god.

Your pussy hair's so sick. Yeah?

You like that? You like that I'm wearing a red head?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Can you put those feet? Yeah, yeah.

I like that. Right? I like that, bitch.

Don't you call me bitch.

Oh my god, these are good.

These are the fucker. Oh shit.

Oh my god.

Damn.

Wow.

Oh my god.

Archie.

Archie. Archie, I want to see you.

Archie. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh my god.

It's your turn.

None of these trims. Don't think that you're getting anything.

Only I am.

This is only for my pleasure.

Put both of your fingers in there.

Put your fingers.

Both of your fingers.

Yeah.

You need to be stretched open? Yeah, stretch my second elbow open.

Yeah, both of you are killing me so hard.

Huh?

I don't think that's possible.

Oh my

god.

That's what I want you to do.

Good girl.

Yeah, go up and down.

Feel good?

Yeah.

Look at you sexy as that

Don't act like my girlfriend if I can get it to me

Somebody

Fucking god that shit feels so good

Wait

you can't get pregnant if the cum goes down

your throat to your stomach, right?