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I am a good mother.

I am a good mother.

THE BIRTHDAY GIFT

18 HOURS EARLIER

Some people take a little longer to grow up.

But eventually, you get there and get your emotions under control.

Learn to drive, man!

I'm letting go of the stress.

I'm embracing the calm.

I am centered.

I'm definitely not a bad mother.

You've learned that you don't need external validation

to know that you are good enough.

Because your children need you as a role model

to see how a balanced and loving adult goes through life.

You remember exactly how it felt when your own parents messed up.

- Ouch. - Dude. Did you smoke pot again?

Of course not.

And now I have the chance to be better.

- Tent's up. - Thanks, Jenny.

No need to whistle, Marleni. We're not dachshunds.

"Born to live."

- Yes. Grandpa was in charge of the banner. - And Grandpa stands by it.

Right. The kids will be here in five minutes.

We still have to prepare a few things. Let's stick to the plan.

Games, presents, snake man, piñata, cake, movie, bed.

- Yes, Jenny? - What's a snake man?

Half man, half snake.

No, it's a man who brings snakes that the kids can touch.

- Yes! - Boring.

He's all the rage.

Mom, I don't want a party. Please.

Sweetie, we've talked about this so many times.

Dr. Hardung says it's a good idea. Your friends are coming.

They're not my friends.

And I feel sick.

And that is a perfectly valid feeling.

Your generation worries way too much about feelings.

We'd only worry when you kids stopped breathing.

Or started to bleed. A lot, I mean.

They're here.

Get to your posts!

- Hello! - Hello!

Hello, Theo.

- Nice to see you all. - Hello.

Hello, Simon.

- Hi. - Hey, bro. Congrats.

- Didn't think you'd survive 8. - Arthur, didn't think you'd come.

Wouldn't miss it for the world, Frischmann.

Sick! That you squeezed that dwarf out of your vagina nine years ago.

In the garden there are chips and...

Mom? When is Uncle Timo coming?

INCOMING CALL

Hey, Moonface!

Theo keeps asking about you, Timo.

I was stuck in traffic. Idiots glued their dicks to the highway.

Those are people who care about the planet, Timo. Not idiots.

Well, at least with two,

the police weren't able to scrape their foreskin off the road.

Just hurry up, okay?

Theo says you promised him the best present ever?

The best present is

that your party is at my awesome crib, not in your shoebox.

You do have a present, right?

Of course I have a present.

How does Dad like the new house?

He thinks it's absurd.

That's all he said?

He's scared of meeting another of your crazy girlfriends--

Marlene, Sofia isn't "another" of my girlfriends.

- Promise that you'll give her a chance. - Yes. And you please behave too.

If Theo finds some friends, maybe the bullying will stop.

No harm in a little bullying. It builds character.

Jeez. I'll remind you of that when you have kids one day.

Jerk.

10 TIPS ON HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR UNPOPULAR CHILD

"You don't have to be popular to be valuable."

Found you, Ms. Frischmann.

Karl, could you find me again in 15 minutes?

Were you watching porn?

What?

- No. - My dad says he has to go to the bathroom.

And then he watches porn.

Okay.

Are you sure this is a good hiding place?

Has anyone found you yet?

- No. - There you go.

Whoa.

- What are you watching? - Breaking Bad, season 4.

- It's very good. - Can I watch too?

No.

- Hello. - Hello.

I need something that will make a 9-year-old so happy

that he'll shit his pants.

Sure.

We have this. It's popular.

COLOR OF FRIENDSHIP

It teaches children about racism.

Oh no. He's not supposed to learn.

I mean, is there anything here that kids just like?

Yes...

This. They all like this. It's great.

"Being nice is my superpower. "

Deadpool?

He can repair his own body.

Wolverine has these claws made of adamantium.

Those are superpowers.

The... Here, the organic wooden owls. They're handmade.

Yes, you can tell.

Don't you have anything here for a regular human child?

That box there, I know that one.

I want that.

No. That's decoration.

I'll give you 300 euros.

- You do know what's inside? - Yes, that's why I want it.

Hello.

It's sad the kids won't make it past 50.

Dude! Don't listen to what Mom says, Yani.

I don't think it's that bad, Jen.

It'll be a nuclear war or climate change.

Or some disease that people online think is made up.

Red light!

- Sorry, Simon. Your hand moved. - Got me, Ms. Frischmann.

You too, Arthur.

You're as blind as a damn mole.

Hey, should I talk to your parents?

- Go see an eye doctor! - God, they're little terrorists.

I specifically asked Theo not to invite him.

But I insisted on inviting the choirboy.

His mother is a PTA president.

Meaning, she is the PTA.

- You want to be on the PTA? - I can help Theo that way.

- Babe, how was it? - So good.

- Yeah? - Yes.

I think, in a previous life I was definitely a Norwegian monk.

Or at least a bald white man.

Is that what your therapist said?

Well, that's exciting.

You should see him too.

Babe, I love you, but I'd rather eat my own hands.

Yeah. That's exactly what you could talk about in therapy.

Oh, I love presents.

- Yeah. - The heavy ones are the best.

And up!

And up!

Uncle Timo!

- Happy birthday. - Thank you.

- How's the party? - I just want it to be over.

I know that feeling. But I have a present.

I brought a whole lot of presents.

- Thank you! - You're welcome!

My boy.

- Hey. - Hey.

It's so nice here.

No problem, Moonface. Glad you like it.

How do you like the house, Dad?

It smells a bit like... I can't think of the word...

- Flowers? - He means wood.

A slaughterhouse.

Dad, be nice.

Dad, Marlene, this is Sofia, my girlfriend.

- Hi. - Hello.

I'm so happy to meet you all.

- Thank you for coming. - I love families.

- That's him. - Hi, happy birthday.

- Thanks. - Theo, and over there are Lucas and Jenny.

They're school friends.

- Hey. - They're helping me.

And our father, Hans.

Yes.

Hello.

Don't you want to say hello, Dad?

What's that on your ear?

- Headphones. - Underneath.

Those are earrings. You can see that, Timo.

Huh? I didn't take him to the piercer.

I took myself there. I'm a big boy.

Well, I think it looks great.

Yeah, well, it's not your dad who thinks he's the new George Michael.

Who's George Michael?

A very talented homosexual

who sang a beautiful song about Christmas.

Okay. Can I open my presents now?

I'd kill my mom for a ride like that.

- I'd drown my whole family. - Children!

I'd cut my two grandmas open and stuff them in a suitcase.

All right. All serial killers, inside please.

Come on.

Jeez...

Hey.

Can I take the baby for a test drive later?

Dad?

Dad, are you coming?

BEING NICE IS MY SUPERPOWER

Here, for you.

Thank you.

Look, asshole.

Look, asshole.

Okay, this is from Uncle Timo.

Mom!

Shit!

That's the PTA president.

- Hello! - Am I too early?

Well, it's a sleepover. Technically you're a whole day early.

- Howdy. - Hi.

It's great though. I think Simon's been missing you.

- I have! - Marlene.

You just said "sleepover" by mistake.

You meant it's over in an hour, right?

No, it's a sleepover. The kids are sleeping here.

Would you like a coffee?

I don't drink coffee. Irritable bowel.

Mom.

Sorry, sweetie. Theo was about to open his last present.

Whoa! Cool!

Dude, that's fucking sick.

Arthur, language.

Mom, look what Uncle Timo gave me.

Okay. Stop!

Put the gun down.

- It's a dummy. - I feel sick just looking at it.

Okay, let's all relax. It's just for fun. Okay?

Die, you stupid terrorists!

Yes!

Theo! Would you give me the gun for a moment?

What? Why?

It's just that...

Touch me, and I'll tell everyone

about the wobbly dick in your sock drawer.

Theo...

It's not nice to tell lies.

Taking away the gun that someone just got as a gift isn't nice either.

- Come on, give me the gun. - No.

- Yes. - No!

- Marlene, let go. - Dad, stay out of this.

If you don't let go now, no phone for one month!

What are you doing?

Did you hurt yourself?

All good. Nothing happened. Thank you.

I'll do this. Don't worry.

Timo, can you give me a hand in the kitchen?

Sure.

I wanted to talk to you too.

- Are you out of your mind? - Me?

Yes, you just...

You just wrecked my bar.

You promised not to ruin this.

Then you roll in like a trashy rapper and give Theo a gun.

- Yeah. - In front of everyone.

Including the PTA president.

Marlene, chill. It's just a toy.

It's not just a toy. It's a toy gun.

What will it be next year? Kiddy cocaine?

Marlene.

Whoever hears this is weird!

Whoever hears this is weird.

- It's my turn now. - But...

If my kid got such a present, I'd call the police.

I think Marlene handled it well.

She needs to give the kid more room to breathe.

So, Mr. Frischmann...

Timo told me you were in Peru.

Yeah.

When my wife died, I went into the jungle

and took ayahuasca with an Asháninka shaman.

How was it?

Well... I could see myself.

How I was floating in a huge, glowing womb.

- Cool. - Marlene.

Not every weapon is bad per se.

A weapon is first and foremost a tool.

Like a wrench.

Because so many people are killed with wrenches.

He was shot with an AR-15.

Should the Navy Seals have thrown a scented sachet?

Theo will definitely use this to hunt terrorists.

You're right, he won't. Because it's a toy!

It's not just a toy!

It stands for war and violence.

And boys are into war and violence.

They're talked into it by dumb uncles who get their opinions from YouTube.

I thought he could play cowboys and Indians.

Great idea.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

My son can pretend to be a violent colonizer.

- And have an Indigenous sex slave. - They all got along.

Get real, Timo.

And then, out of nowhere, I heard a voice.

It sounded a bit like Jürgen Klinsmann.

And? What did it say?

That I'm free and have been forgiven.

And that it's my duty

to bear testimony to the universe in its majestic truthfulness.

Impressive.

Sorry, what was your name again?

Simon's mom.

FIGHT BETWEEN SIBLINGS

Why do you always put down everything I like?

Sorry that I'm not into macho show-offs with guns.

I'm not showing off. I know how to handle weapons.

Timo, you've never held one in your life.

Yeah, I have.

You're not a cowboy. You can handle Excel, and that's it.

Why are you so afraid

of Theo having a strong male role model in his life?

Why must a strong role model be male?

Wait.

That's exactly what kids his age are into.

Hamsters with glasses.

It was supposed to be a Minion.

Yes, it's a Minion. I can tell from here.

Here it's a hamster and there a Minion. I can tell.

A Minion who's been through a lot.

- Poor guy. - You're stupid.

Truce?

Truce.

Rock, paper, scissors.

- Man, you always do it so hard. - Wait.

I have to show you something.

Mom's ring?

Yes. That's why I don't want a whole lot of dwarves here tonight.

Just send them home.

- We had a deal. - Nope.

- Yes. - No.

- Yes. - No.

- Yes. - No.

- Yes! - Marlene!

Timo!

Go to a hotel then. I'll pay.

- With Dad and six children? - Yes.

Yeah? And what do I say?

"Hi, we're human traffickers. Do you have a room?"

I have to propose to her today.

Sofia flies to Chile in the morning, for three months.

Please.

Shit.

- The snake man. - What?

Just hang it up.

Mom, I don't want a snake man. I just want my weapon back.

- But you love snakes. - No. Pandas.

Sweetie, you did a whole project on snakes.

Pandas were already taken.

But there is no panda man, okay?

And there might be ten pandas left in the world

who'll likely bite your face.

So please join the others, okay?

I love organizing.

I can't see anything!

I think if I were in the PTA, I would...

Marlene, sorry. We can't talk about the election here, okay?

Yes. Sure.

- I just think I could achieve a lot... - Yes. Fine, Marlene.

...for the kids.

Oh my God!

Theo?

Wait! You can't film the kids.

Not without the parents' consent.

Oh. But this is my son's birthday party.

Still, it's only legal if you blur the faces of the other kids.

- Ah. - Simon. Honey.

Cover your face.

I can't see anything.

All other kids.

All other kids!

Do this.

There you go. Go ahead.

Simon, get away from that screen.

- Can I try now? - Sure, come on.

He was abandoned in the jungle.

He was raised by snakes.

And now he is the Snake Man.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's true. I was raised by snakes.

That's why I move like a snake.

And I think like a snake.

They're fake! The teeth are fake!

- Yes, they are. - Yeah.

Right.

Whose birthday is it today?

What are you saying?

Sure, I'll ask.

My little friend here would like to know what presents you got.

A weapon.

Not bad.

But he can't have it because his mom is a fucking bitch.

At least he has a mom.

I do too, but she's on a houseboat in Venice.

- Liar! - Dickhead!

Hey, knock it off.

Right.

Who'd like to touch the snake?

What about the birthday boy?

Come on, sweetie, be brave.

Want to put it on?

You can do it.

- Yes, look over to Mom. - I want to. Man.

Man!

- I want too. - Is it poisonous?

Hello? Hi!

- How are you? - ...please take it off.

- Yes. - Your camera is still on.

Bye.

And?

What do you think of her?

Yeah... Different from what I thought.

She's fucking awesome.

Still, are you sure you want to propose?

Marlene, last year work sucked so much that I wanted to pack it all in.

Jesus, Timo.

And then one day, I'm on the train, and this woman sits in front of me.

Just like that. Grinning at me.

That woman just saved my ass.

Okay.

If you're really sure about the proposal,

help me make the party go smoothly

until Simon's mom is gone.

I'll have the kids in bed by nine. Deal?

Deal.

Although I never said that sleepover nonsense was okay.

- Hey, are you crazy? - Uncle Timo!

Grandpa! It peed on me!

It's all right.

- All good. - Oh dear.

All good, sweetie.

- What's up? - I'll clean it.

Tell the snake man to leave. Please.

He's leaving soon, okay? I promise.

Where's the bathroom?

Through the living room, left at the entrance.

- I'll come. - Go to your friends. Be right there.

- Is there somewhere I can change Yani? - Sure. The first floor has two bathrooms.

And there's a very large bathroom on the third floor, by the sauna.

- Four bathrooms? - Yeah.

But only one ass.

Can you keep an eye on the kids? We'll get the piñata.

Sure.

So, now, that's enough.

It's time for the snake man to have a nice little puff.

Hey, how about the two of us take the 911 for a spin?

I'll join you.

Goodness, what happened in here?

Why hasn't he had it cleared out?

Stop beating him up all the time.

He just wants you to be proud of him.

I know exactly what he wants.

What do you do that you can afford such a place?

I'm an FX trader at Deutsche Bank.

That's, like, currency trading.

Wait, can you hook me up with a job there?

Not really.

- He wants to propose to her. - To whom?

Sofia, Dad.

That's why you gave him Mom's ring.

Yeah, right.

Here.

Why are piñatas always llamas?

I mean, what did they do to deserve being beaten up?

No idea, Dad.

I once went on a trip with llamas in the Andes. They're friendly.

Leave me alone! Go away!

No! Leave me alone!

Get it out!

Get it out! It's crawling toward my dick!

- It's biting my dick! - Hey! Champ!

Champ, are you okay?

No!

Don't you want to catch it?

Nah, I'll buy a new one. This one's halfway to Hamburg.

- It's not venomous, right? - No, those are green.

What about cobras?

- What about them? - They aren't green either.

They're not?

You were supposed to watch them, Timo!

I'll go pack up.

Did it bite you?

- No. - Come.

I can do this on my own.

- Who did this? - No one.

You didn't put it in there yourself.

- Who did it? - Don't worry. I'll handle it.

Hey, did someone...

Have you been smoking pot?

- What? - Timo.

Huh, me? Nah.

No. It's him.

He was smoking pot!

You stink.

We have to report this snake man to the police and put an end to this.

- Yeah, that's a good idea. - Accidents happen at every party.

If I were on the PTA...

Marlene, once again. We can't talk about the vote here. Okay?

- Simon, honey, move back 30 feet. - Marlene.

These toy weapons are really bad, right?

But beating a donkey until its guts fly out is totally okay.

Timo, you know this is different.

And a piñata bat is not a weapon of war.

Toy weapons aren't either.

God, here he comes.

How about a knife to slit the beast open?

No knives on the piñata.

Okay, Frischmann. Relax.

- He's going to bash someone's head in. - Relax.

Right. All the kids who aren't up, please move back five steps.

One. Two. Three. Four.

And five.

Frischmann. For you.

It was an accident, Mom Simon.

Accident? Are you kidding me?

- Do I look stupid? - Yes.

Don't worry. It's worse if they don't scream.

- He needs to go to a hospital. - He's better already.

Shouldn't we prop something up? His head?

Why the head, baby?

Or the feet. Something should be propped up.

Are you okay?

I think you deserve a really big slice of birthday cake now.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday, dear Theo

Happy birthday to you

- Come on, blow them out. - And make a wish.

- Yes! - Yes!

Bang, bang, bang, bang!

Come with me.

Let go!

Sweetie. What did I tell you?

To play with my Legos.

Exactly. By that I meant you should build a house or... a sheep.

Why would I build a sheep?

Why a gun?

Because they're cool.

What, sweetie, is cool about a device that kills people?

I don't know.

Maybe because it makes heads explode.

Marlene, leave the boy alone. It's his birthday.

- Not now, Dad. - Boys like things that go bang.

This sexism is the problem.

That's why Timo could do kickboxing and I had to do ballet.

You loved ballet.

Why do you think that?

- You had all the ballet stuff. - Because you bought it for me!

I liked math, but Timo joined the math club.

Despite having absolutely zero talent for math.

Nonsense. He was good with numbers.

His high school average was a C-!

Firstly, everyone can hear you. The tent is like toilet paper.

Secondly, fuck you. Ms. Lorenz ruined my grade.

- I have worked hard. - And I haven't?

- It's not about you. It's about me! - Look who's talking!

That's the problem. You only talk about yourself.

What is this? You're just different.

No, we were treated differently!

- By a nutcase with a ring in his ear! - Two.

I'm taking Simon home. This verbal violence is not good for him.

It's fine. We were just talking!

We're going back to the tent now.

You blow out your candles and make friends with the others, okay?

- I hate them! - You don't. Give me the gun.

No, it's mine. I built it.

Sweetie, I really don't have the patience.

No!

Theo.

I hate beavers!

- Enough. If anything, it's a hamster. - I hate them even more!

- Give me your phone. - No!

- I warned you. - Okay. There!

- I'll go. - Respect.

And that on his birthday.

Hey. One more line like that and I'll smack you. Understood?

Timo, you can't threaten a child.

It's the only language they understand.

Threatening a child is a crime.

He screwed up!

They don't get what they're saying. Their brains aren't developed.

Your brain isn't developed, Frischmann.

Tell me, who taught you to be such an asshole, huh?

- I think your mama. - Don't talk about my mom.

Why? Is her head as bloated as yours?

- Timo! - Are you crazy?

- You can't... - He talked about my mother!

- My Levi's! - Said she had a bloated head...

- I'll call the cops! - He insulted her!

Enough!

Sorry.

I didn't mean to yell. That's enough.

Marlene. You can't do this alone.

I'll stay the night.

- Never ever. - Take a break. I'll take the kids inside.

- Food and sleeping bags are by the TV. - Kids, let's go! Come on. Simon, honey.

Come on. Out.

Babe.

Theo?

LACK OF IMPULSE CONTROL

You're the love of my life.

And that's why I want to ask you...

Will you marry me?

Look, asshole!

Theo?

Theo!

Thank you.

Marlene, I saw Theo throw away his phone.

So you really gave him one?

Yes.

I know it's not ideal.

But he uses it to stay in touch with his dad.

Also to listen to music...

And you have no concerns about what he might watch?

She means porn, Frischmann.

Yes. Thank you, Arthur.

- I trust my son. - And porn is normal.

Porn is not normal at all.

Maybe not the kind you watch.

I can't find Theo.

I searched the garden and the whole house. He's nowhere.

Shit, I have his phone.

Right. I'm calling the police.

No, it's fine. He always hides when things get too much for him.

Theo!

- Theo? - Theo!

Typical man. Freak out, react with violence and run away.

Dude, Jenny. Chill. He's 9 years old.

- Theo! - Theo?

Imagine, in a few years, we'll be throwing parties for Yani.

- Don't even start, Lucas. - Start what?

Pretending that all is cute and harmless

and bringing a resource-hungry child into a burning world is fine.

But Yani is already here.

Yeah, that's not my fault. I told you to pull out.

- Dude. - Theo!

Theo?

Theo, champ, everything's okay! Come out!

What you did to the boy was really not okay, Timo.

Babe, I know that. I overreacted. Okay?

Would you knock our own kids over too?

No, of course not.

All this is from the previous owner?

Tell me...

- You were really in a math club? - No. I just said that to annoy Marlene.

Why?

Because I was mad. She got to go dancing and I had to go bowling with the old man.

You wanted to dance?

Yes.

Yeah, it sounded like more fun.

Marlene and I always made up these silly dances for Mom

when she first got sick.

But your dad wouldn't have forbidden you to dance, would he?

He would have sawed off my feet.

He caught us once doing a choreography to "Butterfly" by Crazy Town.

You know it? Yeah, he totally freaked out.

Man, but he seems so nice.

You're so sweet, babe.

When those pissers... the kids are in bed, I have a surprise for you.

But I'm still mad at you.

You are?

Whoa, look at that.

- Do you think it works? - I'll check it.

Then Marlene can see who's just talking shit here.

Theo?

I hate saunas. I've never understood how one can relax in there.

And my legs always look so short when I'm naked.

Theo?

Marlene. I had an idea.

If these kids are really making Theo's life so hard...

- Yeah? - We wait until they sleep,

I then climb through the window wearing a balaclava

and pretend it's a robbery?

- No, Dad. - Let me finish.

Then I'll take them to the garden, give each a shovel

and tell them to dig a hole and kneel in front of it,

hands behind their heads.

They'll panic. One or two might piss themselves.

And then Theo jumps out of the bushes,

overpowers me, saves the other kids, and becomes a hero.

Let's look again outside.

I think it's genius.

It's okay. I've got it under control.

Shouldn't we look for Theo first?

Once my champ hears this thing banging, he'll come running.

- What happened? - A snake bit her.

- What? - Where?

Here.

- Ow! - Hey!

You have to suck the venom out, or there's no point.

It was venomous?

No idea. We need to find it,

so the hospital knows which antidote she needs.

Don't you have to spit the venom out, Dad?

What is it?

What? Not everyone has to get bitten.

- Let's find it. - What's the snake look like?

- Good idea. - Don't know, I think it was red.

Like a snake. Long and thin.

Long and thin.

I took a picture of it.

- But it was pretty dark. - Let me see.

I see it!

I got it!

- What now? - It's venomous.

Do you want Theo getting bitten?

Squash it!

Don't hurt it!

Okay.

Do it!

Get lost! Fuck off! Go!

You stupid reptile!

I think it got the message.

Ladies and gentlemen!

My sister, the pacifist.

Nice.

Real nice.

It's gone.

It has a round head and round pupils. That means it's not venomous.

Awesome, babe. Babe, how do you know that?

Did you just try to kill an animal?

Best we call the parents and have all the kids picked up.

Have them picked up. That's a great idea.

No!

Theo? Sweetie!

If they leave now, it'll be even more embarrassing.

- How long were you up there? - I want them to stay.

We can lie in our sleeping bags and listen to scary stories.

Okay. Let's go upstairs and I'll tell you scary stories.

No.

Not you. You're not good at it.

I want Grandpa to tell them.

And when the fully armed police unit stormed the house,

they found a corner sofa

made entirely of human skin.

And stuck to the backrest was a festering tongue.

Dad.

That's enough. Or the kids won't sleep.

All good, Marlene.

I did an online course. "Storytelling for children."

I'll take over.

Okay.

Once upon a time there was a boy.

He had red hair and was 13 years old.

This boy thought he was particularly smart.

He frequently used rude words

and didn't wear a helmet when riding his bike.

One day, when the boy was on his way to his local fish market,

he came across a stick.

This stick was about 12 inches long

and two inches thick...

I hope Theo has made friends with the other kids.

He'll be fine, Marlene.

You don't have to always hover around him.

- Did you see how they treated him? - He'll find his way.

- I did too. - Yeah.

You took drugs in the jungle. And now the universe has a plan for you?

It does. Even for you.

And ayahuasca is not a drug. It's the path to deeper truth.

- Yes. - That reminds me...

As you know, since your mother's passing,

I've been on something like a self-discovery journey.

To finally put the past behind me, I am now officially taking the name

given to me by the Asháninka people.

That's... I mean, you aren't serious, are you?

I would like you to address me by my new name from now on.

Dad, that's stupid.

- I'd like to hear it. - Right, yeah.

Me too. What's your name?

My new name is...

Baranga.

- Sounds beautiful. - That's called cultural appropriation.

- Exactly. - It's not. It was a gift.

It means "the gentle one."

Nah. Well. I certainly won't call you Baranga.

- You're not gentle. Never were. - The Asháninka people disagree.

Yeah? Did you tell them you slapped me because I sang Shakira?

I'm not saying that I was perfect, Timo.

- But I've changed. - I see.

But our childhood has stayed the same.

So, sorry for not jumping on the Baranga bandwagon.

Yeah, right. Of course, he's leaving.

As usual, Hans Frischmann, bye.

Go enjoy a show that the rest of humanity finished watching 20 years ago.

Maybe start something new, like Lost or something.

- That was mean. - Yes...

Me? He was mean, yeah. Babe, hey.

Babe, stay please.

Leave me be, Timo. You're making me sad.

Everything okay, Mr. Frischm... uh...

Mr. Baranga?

Yes, everything's fine. Thanks, Carmen.

Sofia.

I know he blames me for his problems.

But a wise person once said,

you shouldn't let the past have power over the present.

That's beautiful.

Who said that?

A short red-haired man.

I can't think of his name right now.

Ed Sheeran, maybe?

Maybe.

You shouldn't be mad at Timo though.

When he's overwhelmed, he doesn't know what to do with his feelings.

You're not like his other girlfriends. You're nice.

You don't really fit with each other.

Hey, bad uncle!

How 'bout you let me take your car for a spin?

- And then we're good. - Shut your mouth.

I'll tell my dad that you attacked me.

If you want your children to be happy, don't do what our father did.

Let your children do whatever they want.

Whatever the fuck it is.

That's right.

Children have to find themselves.

That's why we're raising Yani gender-neutral.

No pronouns, no girl-boy stuff.

Oh God, that's not what I meant at all.

- That's how people do it today, Timo. - Yeah, if they're stupid, Marlene.

Whoa. I think it's time we take Yani to bed.

Sorry, Jenny. My brother is such an ass.

Yo. I noticed that too.

All children are asleep. Did I miss anything?

No. All good.

But if you have a moment...

I know we can't discuss the PTA. I just wanted to say--

They were talking about genderless babies. That's what you missed.

Not genderless. Gender-neutral.

But children have a sex.

No, that's just what they're told.

Why treat those with penises and vulvas differently?

Because they are different. Or not? What do you say, Marlene?

It's a complex topic.

It's not.

Studies show that male babies look longer at machines,

while female babies look at faces.

Right. And all these studies were done by men.

Yes, quite likely. Because men are better at science.

Wow, bold claim.

If you don't like it, build something new.

They don't want to build anything new. Because the world is "so fucked up."

You know what? I'm not listening to this shit anymore.

Jenny.

Jenny! Well, I'll take care of it.

Sorry, this one really wasn't my fault.

You know, Baranga, I think I know how Theo feels.

At boarding school, I used to imagine that the stars were my friends.

I told them that I wished I had a big, wonderful family

where they performed plays for each other.

Like in Little Women.

What did they say?

Who?

The stars.

They didn't say anything, Baranga. They're stars.

Of course.

Is there someone on Timo's car?

Am I seeing this right?

What is he doing?

Arthur. What are you doing?

Hey, are you trying to take a shit on my car?

Um, no.

- I was just watching birds. - In the dark?

Sure. Owls are nocturnal.

Right now...

Get down, please.

No, you'll just hurt me.

I will if you shit on my car!

You ruined my Levi's!

That's enough.

Timo!

Timo!

Now, listen. I just ruined my son's birthday

and probably his puberty!

And I don't want to worry about a mouthy little shit

who has the self-confidence of a coked-up stockbroker.

We'll call your father.

He'll pay for the damage to this mega-embarrassing car.

Got that?

Did you get that?

I'm sorry.

Please, not my dad, Frischmann. I'll do anything. Really.

All right. Let's go.

- Sorry you had to see that, Frischmann. - It's okay.

I was mad that you told Theo not to invite me.

He told you that?

Theo is pretty much my best friend.

I'd take a bullet for him. In the balls.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Thank you, Arthur.

It's important that Theo has friends and people who won't bully him.

Bully? Why bully?

Theo is being bullied, Arthur.

- Today someone put a snake in his pants. - That was just for fun.

Didn't look fun to me.

At Karl's party, we cracked eggs on Simon's head,

sprinkled breadcrumbs on top, and called him a Schnitzelhead.

My mom always said, boys will be boys.

What actually happened to your mom, Arthur?

Stepped on a landmine.

Be serious.

Cancer.

Boobs. And to yours?

Same.

Six years ago.

It sucks, huh, Frischmann?

It really sucks.

Babe, the little jerk shits on my car, and you're mad at me?

He's a child, Timo.

Why are children not accountable for anything anymore?

When I was his age, I gave up my allowance for three months

to pay for a ketchup stain on the sofa.

Well, exactly.

Don't you want the next generation to be happier?

You're a human being, Timo.

- With so many feelings inside you. - Yes.

But you resort to anger.

You were taught it's all you're allowed to feel.

Studies show unhappiness in men manifests as anger.

Just go home!

Has anyone seen my charger?

Guys, everything's fine.

He's a really sweet boy. I think he even cares about Theo.

What's wrong?

Dad, it's time to call it a night.

And Simon's mom.

You can fuck off.

Excuse me?

I don't need to be on the PTA anymore.

My son isn't being bullied.

I don't care how you spend your money.

So I'm going upstairs now to take photos of the sleeping kids,

and then I'll give them knives to play with.

And I'll tell them gender is just a social construct.

That's outrageous.

What's outrageous

is that you made me feel so insecure today that I ruined my son's only 9th birthday.

Jenny is too upset to breastfeed.

I want you to apologize and tell her that we aren't harming our child.

Forget it.

You're a shallow cynic.

Oh my God.

You're a moron.

Man, Timo.

Sorry, babe, but I don't understand why these people are still in my house.

They should have left long ago.

It should be just you and me here.

You told me you loved kids and families.

But you've been horrible to them.

- Yes, because... - Yes. I'm going upstairs.

I need a breather.

Babe...

Hey, Theo.

Wake up.

Is it still my birthday?

For about ten more minutes.

Did you lie to your mom? About the bullying.

I get it.

I once told my dad I was gay. Just to see what would happen.

- And? - He pretended he didn't hear me.

Hey, come on! Your birthday isn't over yet.

Forget all the assholes. We'll have a real party now.

It's me!

Sorry, Timo.

I just want to be alone for a bit and listen to my sad music.

Babe, can we please talk?

Jam in your shoe

Apricot in your pants And a bratwurst too

- Here, take it. - Thank you.

- Let's find your gun. - Yeah.

That won't help.

Are you parenting us?

I'm just saying, alcohol is a pretty dirty drug.

Dad. Just let it be.

I won't propose to Sofia today,

and Marlene no longer wants on that fucking PTA.

We can get drunk. Cheers.

That's it? You just give up?

Two hours ago she saved your life.

You've given up too.

I have not. I've done everything I could to help Theo.

Thank you. Yes, except giving him what he really wants.

- You don't raise a child on your own. - I knew you'd say that.

Kids, please. Theo isn't being bullied. That's a good thing.

It is.

And if you'd like something to relax, I have something else.

- You can't be serious. - You brought drugs to a kids' party?

"Drugs." It's not crack.

You young people are so uptight.

What then? Weed?

Magic mushrooms.

Dad, that's chocolate in a bag.

The mushrooms are in the chocolate. That's how they do it today.

Delicious.

Holy shit!

Go!

Dude.

Theo!

Is that a real gun?

See, Dad? A pool is useful after all. Right?

Have you ever considered that I don't need your wealth rubbed in my face?

- Huh? - You're a show-off, Timo.

Your car, your clothes, this totally unnecessary second home.

When I was your age, I took responsibility for my own family.

And my father was proud of me.

Look at your sister.

She's raising the boy all by herself, organizes this party,

and bakes a bunny cake too.

You're proud of me?

Sure. Especially compared to him.

Dad has dementia.

- What? - Yeah.

No way. He's drunk.

Six months ago, he put his key in his neighbor's car.

- So what? It looked like mine. - In his underwear.

They're hot pants.

Dr. Hübner ran tests.

He's already showing all the early symptoms.

He made me swear not to tell you.

Why?

I knew you'd overreact.

I'm not a doddering old man. I can help myself.

Yeah, getting your ear pierced, at your age,

and buying a bag full of chocolate drugs is not helping yourself.

My God. I'm so sorry, Dad.

I don't need pity!

You're my children, not my caregivers!

Dad...

- There are stairs! - Fuck!

We can do this, okay? We'll find ways--

Just shut up, Marlene!

- You were proud of me just now! - Not anymore.

Neither of you get what journey I'm on.

What I get is that on your shitty journey, you won't apologize to either of us.

Anything else? He has everything.

I should apologize for saying no to an ice cream 30 years ago?

No, Dad, don't play this down.

Come on. You guys have no idea what a bad childhood really looks like.

Do you know why I bought this house?

For you, Dad.

So you could move in with Sofia and me and we keep an eye on you!

I don't need anyone to coddle me.

Fine, move into a nursing home!

Stop it.

Stop it already!

What the heck!

I feel like it's undressing me with its eyes.

Come on, shoot. We'll go viral.

Huh? It's broken.

Give it to me.

Arthur.

Relax. I'm sure there's a YouTube video on how to fix this thing.

You have one hour left to live, you perverted owl.

For fuck's sake!

Babe, can I come in?

Babe, just for a second.

Can I at least have some clothes? I'm soaked.

...for forward and backward movement. It's pretty difficult.

Just do this. You're not shooting outside, the gun goes in the closet.

You pull it all the way?

What happened to you?

Gender is just a construct, I thought.

I can't believe you didn't tell me.

About Dad.

Marlene, I didn't want you to have more stress.

You had so much on your plate.

Your job, your breakup, Theo...

Everything.

You wanted to propose to her here?

Before I fucked everything up.

It's romantic.

Right?

Marlene, she is the only person

who doesn't make me feel like the world is a pile of shit.

You met her. She loves life.

Last week, she insisted we sleep on the roof. And why?

To see some comet.

And the week before that... My God.

We went to a jousting tournament.

A jousting tournament.

God.

Why don't you just wait until she's back?

When you got married in that run-down village dive,

Mom and Dad were so proud.

I'm just scared that if I wait any longer,

that Dad won't...

That he won't experience my wedding properly.

I'll always be there.

I know, Moonface.

I know.

Are you finishing that on your own?

- Yes. - Hey.

- That was my plan. - Give!

I wanted to finish it on my own.

Remember when Dad caught us dancing?

Yes, of course I remember that.

Butterfly dance?

So stupid.

He freaked out when you did stuff like that.

Sometimes I think, maybe it's good. Maybe it's our shitty childhood

that made you so determined to do everything for Theo.

Except if he wants a gun. Sure.

- Shit. - What?

I forgot.

I can prove to you that I really can handle guns.

Don't say, "Oh."

Kids are like dairy cows.

- They fall into the pit. - No.

Everything all right, Baranga?

Yeah.

I'm fine.

Thank you, Simon's mom.

It's nice you're still here.

Well, I can't wake Simon up in his deep sleep phase. He'll puke.

Yeah.

My kids have their quirks too.

They sometimes say very hurtful things when they're emotional.

They got that from their mother.

Want a piece?

I love chocolate.

This one's possibly a magical flavor.

It's not that good.

I mean, there could be some magical mushrooms in there.

Now, look at this, Moonface.

At what?

Fuck.

We... the two of us... We should check on the kids.

What the fuck, Timo?

I didn't know they'd find it. I put it in the box.

Right. Because in the history of mankind, no one has ever looked in a box.

It's loaded.

You're kidding me.

Peace?

- Having the party here was a mistake. - If you hadn't taken the toy,

- he wouldn't have looked... - Right, it's my fault.

Well... the thing is, I only gave him the harmless replica of the danger.

You took it away. The danger got real. That's the moral of the story.

- You don't know what moral means! - I do!

No, you don't!

- You're the only one here-- - You are--

Shut up!

What's going on?

Sweetie...

What you're holding is not a toy.

I know what it is.

- Finally some action. - Shut up, Karl.

- It's very dangerous. - I know.

But you only listen to me when you think I'm in danger.

Is that why you said you were being bullied?

Oh, sweetie.

Mom? I want Grandpa.

Okay.

- Give us the gun first-- - No! Grandpa first, then the gun!

Okay, I'll get Grandpa. I'll get him.

I'll just do it, okay?

Okay. Nothing's happened.

- Babe! Where are you going? - To the airport.

What? Give... give me five minutes.

- Sorry. We'll talk when I'm back.

Babe, just two minutes. Please.

I was so excited to meet your family.

- Yes. - But this, it really wasn't nice.

Yes.

- Farewell, Timo. - Sofia!

Sofia.

Shit.

What's going on here?

Son, over here.

- Dad! - I don't want to scare you.

But it's possible that we're all dead.

Hey.

Sorry, Marlene's brother.

Can you tell me if I'm invisible?

You're not invisible.

You're all just high.

But I mean under the clothes too.

Your lips are like two mini salamis.

- If you were a woman... - Are you seeing this?

I'm looking right into the universe.

No matter where you look, it's always into the universe.

There's nothing else.

Holy shit, you're right.

Dad! You need to come with me.

I don't have legs anymore, Timo. It's obvious.

Timo.

Yes, Dad.

It's nice to be carried by you.

And here's Grandpa.

Huh?

Dad?

Marlene.

Marlene!

What's with Grandpa?

Grandpa has...

Timo!

- ...eaten a lot of chocolate. - Why do you look so weird?

- That's all. - God, it was real?

Grandpa. Can you tell Mom not to make me have a party next year?

I'd rather go fishing with you.

Sure, my boy. We'll go fishing.

Yes. But first I have to tell you something important.

I think we are living in the afterlife of another life.

All will be fine, my boy.

- Now first put the gun down very slowly. - Yes.

Don't worry. I've watched this on Breaking Bad.

And now... kick it over to me.

- No! - No!

- I'm here, Dad. - I hit Grandpa.

- Can you hear me? - It's all right. Look at me.

- Grandpa will be okay. - I'm so sorry.

- It's all my fault. - You know who I am?

I didn't listen and forced you to this party.

- Do you know who you are? - I'm sorry I saw you as a problem.

Oh God! Marlene, we need an ambulance!

Are you crazy? Our father is bleeding!

- Mom, ambulance! - Call an ambulance!

I'm dying.

I'm really dying.

But wait a minute.

- I was dead already. - Dad?

You! Call Chenguang and tell her that I can't make it to salsa tomorrow.

You dance?

Who is Chenguang?

And someone has to tell me how Breaking Bad ends.

You. You know that.

Saul goes to jail. Walt dies. But you need to calm down.

Walt dies.

- Breathe deeply. - Just like me.

I was a bad father.

I should never have stopped you from dancing. I have to make it right.

I...

I have to see you dance.

You're joking. He's joking.

Dance for me.

Most definitely not.

Now! Dance for me.

Okay.

- Marlene? - Timo.

- Marlene. - Timo.

These are my children!

These are my beautiful, crazy children.

They're all gone!

Fuck.

You really think one can't tell he's asleep?

Relax, he looks like an ordinary guy driving a car.

Hi, buddy.

I feel sick.

Don't worry, you'll see Grandpa before he dies.

Do you think it was such a good idea to bring the baby?

- I think it wants a breast. - Don't we all?

- Theo, dude, this is the best party ever. - Yeah!

Hey, Dad. How are you?

Well, Lost is really good. Incredible storytelling.

Lost?

I know the ending of Breaking Bad.

The idiot in the ambulance spoiled it.

Kids.

I owe you an apology.

When I saw you squirming around in that ambulance,

I realized how much we messed you up, Mom and I.

But, Timo, the fact that you want to take care of me now

shows that you've turned out as a pretty decent guy after all.

Thank you for the offer.

It's really sweet.

But I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet.

I didn't mean it like that.

Yeah, I know. I might take you up on it one day.

But I haven't been to Indonesia yet.

And I haven't licked a Colorado toad

or done anything that one could call group sex.

- Although... - Dad!

Anyway, I have a much better idea.

Let Marli and Theo move in with you.

The house is big enough, and the boy needs space.

I'll think about it.

- Me too. - Good.

Grandpa!

How did you get here so fast, hm?

I drove us in the 911, Frischmann.

It's a real rocket.

Does it still hurt?

- Hm, no. - Did you need to have surgery?

I'm so sorry I shot you, Grandpa.

Oh, they're just mosquito bites.

It's a flesh wound, my boy. These things happen.

Not really.

- Simon! - Mom?

Yani!

You're safe.

Yes, look at you.

Marlene.

There's something I've always wanted to ask you.

Be my girlfriend?

Hey, everyone out. This is a hospital, not a bar. Out!

Pronto!

Sweetie?

I'm sorry.

We'll go home now,

and you'll get your gun back.

I don't think I want it anymore.

FLIGHT TRACKER

Timo!

Why are you here?

I saw on Arthur's Insta that your dad got shot. Is he dead?

- No, he's fine. - Thank God.

I'm so sorry about all of this.

You knocked over a child, Timo.

I know.

But look at Baranga.

If madness is in my blood, then so is the ability to change.

I'll start therapy.

Really?

But first I have to ask you something.

Okay.

Sofia Hortensia Moravia

Cadenza Volato.

You are the most adventurous, most curious,

most inspiring person I've ever met.

You make my life make sense.

You make me want to be a better person.

- No, not you. - Oh. Okay.

Will you marry me?

- Yes! Oh my God, yes! - Yes?

- I love you. - I love you.

Yes?

THREE MONTHS LATER

One of the biggest lessons of parenthood

is that things never go according to plan.

And one of life's most important lessons

is that this is exactly how the most beautiful things come about.

Because sometimes, the place you never expected to arrive at

is exactly where you should be.

At least for now.

- Shit, damn it. Theo! - Coming!

We'll miss the plane.

Don't annoy the boy, Marlene.

He's very sensitive. And trigger-happy.

Hang up.

Sofia and her parents want to see you.

See you tomorrow!

Don't forget, we'll go diving.

Shit.

- No, forget it. - Your wedding present is in there.

Is it big?

Huge. Even bigger than your head.

My head is proportional to my height.

- And my face doesn't look like a moon. - The moon's beautiful. It's a compliment.

- It's not a compliment. - Shut up.

Subtitle translation by: Susanne Creek