Original subtitles

Polar Opposites sold. The studio loved the pitch

for the trilogy, and Paula wants me to write it.

- This is incredible. - The thing is,

I'd probably have to be out of town

for a little bit for the shoot.

What if Kyle came and stayed for a while?

[chanting]: Kyle! Kyle!

Sam, have you heard from Jay?

They're supposed to be back by now. I hope Pete's okay.

This is really pushing it.

They landed 40 minutes ago.

They'll be back any second.

He's gonna be fine, Bertie.

JAY: Pete!

How's he doing?

- Oh, no. - What?

He's gone.

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, Jay's waiting to speak with Samantha.

She's on the set of that holiday rom-com she wrote,

Polar Opposites.

Which they filming in Australia,

because of powerful force known as... tax credit.

[computer chimes]

There's my girl.

Hey, babe. And any ghosts if you're in there.

Oh. Hey, living butler!

She can't hear or see us on the video chat, Nancy.

- Oh. - THORFINN: That feature

they hopefully including in next update.

Has anyone seen Trevor?

I tracked down that old issue of Maxim magazine he wanted.

The one with sexy Marge Simpson on the cover.

- Oh, hey, Sam. - SAMANTHA: Hey, Kyle!

- How's the ghost-sitting going? - Well,

I'm, uh, delivering cartoon smut

to dead people, so... you know.

And Jay, any big Halloween plans?

What's the latest on bringing Pete back with a séance?

Well, the good news is, I think Jerry's coming over

with a box of Pete's old belongings.

Jerry was Pete's best friend in life who cuckold him repeatedly.

- He good guy. - JAY: Obviously, we don't know

if anything in there will be an item

that was on Pete's person when he died.

Jay texted Jerry to see if he had the arrow that killed Peter.

For a moment, there were little reply bubbles,

and then no bubbles, and then,

Jerry just ha-ha'd Jay's weird text, and they moved on.

But even if we have something, we don't know

if it'll bring Pete back.

I mean, technically, he wasn't sucked off.

He disappeared.

It's going to work. It has to work.

Man, somebody's got to have it.

♪ ♪

JAY: Arondekar in the game.

He fakes left, he goes strong to the hole!

Too strong, boss. That was a sweet move.

HETTY: Blind sycophancy

from your workers. Oh, I miss that.

Guess who's got a date with the hot guy from the gym?

I did have to take

a pretty bad dive on a treadmill,

- but he finally noticed me. - JAY: Nice.

- Where you going? - Oh, he's taking me

to this big Halloween party tonight.

Oof. Kyle, relay my oof.

Trevor's expressing some sort of concern.

Wait. What's he saying?

He's saying that a Halloween party is the last place

you want to take this guy, because

it's, uh, his words, "crawling with sexy...

- lifeguards." - TREVOR: I died

during peak Baywatch. You insert your own specifics.

I hate to admit it, but No Pants has a point.

Speaking of points, here's two more.

Arondekar backs down his defender.

Fakes right. [roaring]

[Hetty screams]

And they broke a mirror

on Halloween.

That not good.

ALBERTA: Ooh.

Big news, people. That guy Jerry just called Jay

and confirmed-- he'll be by later

with a box of Pete's stuff!

- We're bringing our boy back. - SASAPPIS: Oh.

So, it's actually happening.

Maybe. If the box contains an item that Pete died with,

and if séances work on roamers who disappeared.

This is not the time for Lucid Flower.

We need pie-in-the-sky, drug-riddled positivity

right now. [laughs]

Let's go!

Ah!

Oh, this isn't good.

What are you talking about?

Pete once shared with me that if he ever got sucked off,

he didn't want to be brought back.

He had a DNS-- a "do not séance."

Whoa. Why did he have that?

Well, part of it was fear.

Remember how Hetty's maid, who we brought back

that one year, told us that

if she ever revealed any specifics

about heaven, she would literally melt?

I mean, that's not such a big deal. I see that all the time.

For instance, your face is melting right now.

Regardless, we can't go through with this séance.

Okay, but Alberta seems really set on going through with it.

I know. It's going to be a tough talk.

Well, maybe the box of Pete's belongings

won't include an item that he died with.

Or maybe a gas leak will blow up the house.

Jay did break a mirror on Halloween.

True. We do have that going for us.

Ah, hey, how'd it go?

We found an incredible match.

- Yeah, we did. - What going on?

Jay's been scouring antique stores across the Hudson Valley

in an attempt to hide from Samantha

that he broke her mirror.

- Wow. That was quick work. - JAY: Right? Maybe even

quick enough to cancel any bad luck,

because we immediately made things right with the universe.

Kind of like when Indy

quickly switched out that golden statue for the bag of sand.

But didn't that not work? And then, the temple crumbled,

and then Indy almost got squashed by that giant boulder.

It's a... it's a good theory, Jay.

And... voilà!

Am I right? Sam's not gonna be able to tell.

Can you spot a difference?

Well, I can spot one kind of m-major difference.

Who are you? Where am I?

Is it the slightly lighter patina?

I don't think she's gonna notice that.

There's a ghost in the mirror, Jay.

Seriously?

Ghost in the mirror, people! Things are getting weird!

There's a ghost in the mirror?

Yeah, I was already a little creeped out by the ghosts.

And now this?

Mm-mm. Mark... out.

You look so familiar.

No, it can't be.

Well, I can assure you we have never met.

THORFINN: Yeah.

You used to live here, but you had, um...

mustache.

Oh, my God.

Margaret.

[scoffs] Hetty.

You two know each other?

That's my sister.

This is your mustachioed sister Margaret?

I don't get it. Why the nickname?

Ah. So, apparently, mirror ghost is Hetty's sister.

JAY: Okay.

Well, that sounds more strange coincidence than ominous.

How on earth did you find yourself

in this terrible predicament?

- It was all Hetty's fault. - What?!

There may be some beef between the sisters.

For one, Hetty seems to be responsible

for Margaret getting trapped in the mirror.

Ah, come on, ghosts. Let's keep it light this year.

The year was 1890.

I was dying from a toothache, which was common at the time.

Is there anything else you can do, Doctor?

- There is one last thing. - What is that?

A miracle elixir?

It's shaving cream. This soup strainer's

been driving me nuts.

She should be presentable to meet her maker.

I'm bereft.

[sighs] Please do not think any less of me

for requiring the aid of medicinal cocaine.

How could I? I prescribed it.

Although, can't it wait?

Those mirrors are covered for a reason.

If her spirit catches even a glimpse of itself,

she would end up trapped inside, possibly for all eternity.

[laughing]: Oh, please, that is just an old wives' tale.

It was not an old wives' tale.

My spirit left my body,

I saw my reflection, and, whoosh, in I went.

That's why you don't have your mustache.

- Not the main takeaway, but yes. - KYLE: So,

basically, if a spirit sees itself in the mirror

at the moment when you die,

it gets trapped, and that happened because

Hetty was snorting lines next to Margaret's deathbed.

- Mm-hmm. That's our girl. - HETTY: Okay.

There is no way that I could have known

that superstition would end up being true.

You were warned many times.

It was a commonly held belief.

- You just never listened. - HETTY: Well,

we believed a lot of crazy stuff back then.

We thought your uterus could fly out during a bumpy train ride.

That was also true!

I don't have to take this. You,

Living who apparently can see ghosts,

storm me out of here!

As angrily as you can.

Uh... okay.

I don't understand. Where are all the girls?

It's actually a pretty interesting strategy

Bela's come up with.

Per your warning,

she was concerned about taking this Evan guy

to a party full of sexy chicks.

So, she threw her own party and invited only dudes.

All dudes? On Halloween?

This is a travesty.

Thor calling party... the Halloweiner.

Is clever combination of "Halloween" and "weiner."

Oh, damn it, that's good!

EVAN: It's funny.

I see you at the gym all the time,

but I never see you working out.

Oh, I only go when I run out of body wash.

Kidding.

I also go to watch Real Housewives.

I don't pay for cable.

You're hilarious.

Why don't I, uh, get us some drinks?

- Okay. - Okay.

Thor think these two destined to lay together tonight.

Shall be a most successful

- Halloweiner. - [laughs]

BELA: Amanda, you look amazing.

What the hell are you doing here?

Is that Amanda from Jay's restaurant?

She cleans up nice.

[sputters] It's easy to clean up nice.

What's tough is looking hot dirty.

Gabe told me everyone from the restaurant had

to come scare people

because you were doing another haunted house.

I'm gonna get you guys when you least expect it.

Gabe, you moron, I invited you to a party.

The haunted house was last year.

- Ah, dang. I missed it? - No.

You were there.

Now, Amanda, I do kind of need you

- to scram, so... - Amanda?

Oh, my God, Evan?

We went to Wesleyan together.

- We played Ultimate Frisbee. - BELA: Oh, my God.

That's so crazy. [laughs]

It's too bad you can't stay.

Hey, remember when Davis

floated me that scoober, and I had

to pancake-catch it to beat Amherst?

Uh, yeah. You were incredible that game.

EVAN: Stop it. You were

- incredible. - No, you stop it.

- Yeah, guys, stop it. - THORFINN: Two people

shall be lying together tonight,

but Thor fear one shall not be Bela.

[sighs]

Hetty, we just wanted to see how you're doing.

Fine. I know how to keep a stiff upper lip,

which is much better than a hairy one.

Ah, damn that doctor for ruining my insults.

ISAAC: Listen, Hetty,

everyone makes mistakes.

So you consigned your sister

to a mirror for 130 years.

[laughing]: I once sneezed

and accidentally shot and killed Nigel.

You also sneezed and lost Patience to the dirt,

where she proceeded to lose her mind.

Okay, yeah, but we're not doing me right now.

The point is, is you have a chance

to repair your relationship with your sister.

I don't want to repair the relationship.

What you don't know is that Margaret ruined my life.

What are you talking about?

Do you remember the painter that I was madly in love with?

The one that my father forbade me from seeing again?

Of course. You let him paint your bare ankle.

I mean, I was cool with Andy Warhol taking Polaroids

of me doing naked cartwheels,

but for you, ankle was a very big deal.

Well, it was Margaret who reported our romance

- to my father. - [gasps]

It was my one chance at love,

and she took it from me.

That sounds truly awful, Hetty.

And I can't imagine how tough that all must have been.

But she is your sister.

As a ghost, I witnessed you two as children,

and early on, you were quite close.

I haven't thought about those days in ages.

Oh, come on. Don't you remember the pranks you would pull?

Hiding your father's watch

in the butler's pocket to get him fired?

Oh. More than fired. I believe

Henrick ended up on a chain gang in Appalachia.

- [laughs] - Oh, no, I hear you.

We did have fun.

All I'm saying is that you've been given the rare chance

for a fresh start, and I think you should take it.

I suppose you might have a point.

FLOWER: Great.

Now imagine this,

but with my hoo-ha totally out.

- [thudding on floor] - Ooh.

Didn't have to imagine it.

Okay, could this old VCR work to bring Pete back at the séance?

We think it has to be something

that was on his person when he died, so,

unless he got shot in the neck while rewinding The Goonies,

- this is not gonna get it done. - Ooh.

- What about these glasses? - JAY: Those seem promising.

SASAPPIS: I mean, are we even sure

- those are the ones he died in? - ALBERTA: Those are the ones.

I recognize the scratch on the lens.

I looked past them every time I would stare

into Pete's beautiful baby browns.

Alberta's positive these are the right glasses.

Okay, great. Well, I'll go get the séance candles,

which is a sentence I've said way too many times

since moving into this house.

Wait. L-Look, I didn't say anything before because

I didn't know if we were going to be able to find an object,

but I know for a fact that Pete had a Do Not Séance.

He didn't want to be brought back.

- Why not? - He was afraid he'd say too much

about the after-after-life and melt.

- A Do Not Séance? Oh, come on. - TREVOR: Ooh.

I kind of get it. Pete was a famous over-sharer.

SASAPPIS: And a travel agent.

What if they had little hotel soaps up there?

Or in-room dining, or the 24-hour fitness center?

You don't think he'd be raving about those?

This is ridiculous. Even if he did have a Do Not Séance,

that was before we were dating.

I know Pete, and there's nothing he wouldn't risk

to make it back to me.

But, again, he could melt.

Like the Nazis in Raiders.

Which I know is a movie Pete liked,

but probably not one he would want to reenact.

You wouldn't be doing this for Pete, Alberta.

You'd be doing this for yourself, and it's selfish.

- How dare you. - How dare you!

Whoa. He turn it around on her.

Powerful use of repetition.

ALBERTA: I lost someone

that was very special to me,

and I never even got the chance to say goodbye.

This is my chance.

We are doing this séance, and that's final.

Huh. A well-thumbed TV Guide

with Loni Anderson on the cover. Kind of random.

Yeah, you're probably going to want to put that down.

Hello, sister.

Have you thought of some new way to ruin my afterlife?

Perhaps you'd like to move me to the bathroom?

No. I've come to talk.

MARGARET: Why has the constable been called?

Are there some deadbeat Irish about

to be evicted by the homeowners?

Oh, no, uh, there's a costume party downstairs.

It's Halloween.

Is it?

Uh...

Well, as I was saying...

Henrietta, I can see

that you're extending an olive branch.

I propose a fresh start.

You mean we just sweep our difficult histories

under the rug and move on like nothing happened?

I love it.

Come, sister,

so that we may join our hands in a gesture of peace.

[gasps]

[laughs] Ah!

Now that feels much better.

[scoffs]

I don't understand! What happened to our fresh start?

I don't want a fresh start.

I only pretended when I found out it was Halloween,

the one day where the veil between worlds is thin enough

to allow passage through the mirror.

Then why not just come out?

Why condemn me to this prison?

Because the mirror is one in, one out, so get comfortable.

But I thought we were forgiving each other.

[laughing]: Oh.

No, Henrietta. What you did to me was unforgivable.

Trapping you was an accident!

Again, we had a lot of weird superstitions back then.

We thought riding a bicycle

could change the shape of your face.

- We called it "bicycle face." - Well, that was also true!

It happened to my friend Windswept Wendy.

But I'm not talking about the mirror.

I'm talking about something much worse.

- What? What did I do? - Well,

if you don't remember, I'm not going to tell you.

You'll have a lifetime in the mirror to figure it out.

Meanwhile, I'll be far, far away.

Au revoir.

Wendy wasn't windswept.

She was just losing weight!

She had a parasite!

Okay, so, according to the instructions that Sam sent me,

I say the incantation, and then,

everybody holds hands and repeats after me.

"Spirit, spirit, draw in near.

From beyond, join us here."

ALL: "Spirit, spirit, draw in near.

From beyond, join us here."

- [thunder rumbling] - Ooh.

[laughing]

[gasps] Pete!

I missed you all so much.

Especially you, Bertie.

I knew you'd feel that way.

PETE: I'm so happy to see you all, I'm not even

gonna miss my nightly turndown service with Swiss choc--

[all screaming]

That worst thing Thor ever see, which is saying something!

No!

"Spirit, spirit, draw in near."

- Stop! - Uh, what is it, Alberta?

We can't do this.

Sass was right.

I wasn't doing this for Pete.

I was doing this for myself.

But it's just...

It's too risky.

SASAPPIS: I know this must be really hard,

but you're making the right call.

We're all gonna miss Pete so much,

but we're gonna get through it together.

We love you, Bertie.

Kyle, what's going on? Fill me in, bro.

Oh, sorry. Uh, Alberta changed her mind.

- She doesn't want to do it anymore. - Oh.

So why are we still holding hands?

I don't know.

MARK: Looking good, you guys. You heading

to the Catalina Wine Mixer?

Oh, is that a reference to the film Step Brothers?

I've never seen it. Uh, Jay just told me to wear this costume.

- JAY: So how's it going here? - MARK: Bad.

Evan and Amanda have been bonding

over Ultimate Frisbee for the last half hour.

BELA: Ugh. All I want is a guy

who won't abandon me

at a party I threw just to trap him.

Is that too much to ask?

Oh, my God, Margaret.

[yelps]

- You're out of the mirror! - Yes.

My sister and I made amends,

and I suppose being released from that

emotional prison released me from my physical one, as well.

Wow. Hetty must be so happy. Where is she?

She had to walk it off.

The vulnerability took a toll.

KYLE: Okay, so,

fun update. Uh, Margaret made up with Hetty,

and it released her from the mirror.

Well, that's amazing.

Thank you all for your hospitality,

but I think I should join my beloved sister

on her constitutional.

I'm catching up here,

but are you saying that that ghost lady

- who was stuck in the mirror got out? - JAY: Yeah,

but it still kind of feels like the mirror is vaguely cursed.

I wonder if that antique store takes returns.

ISAAC: Or exchanges.

Kyle, perhaps you could look for a mirror

that has, say, a buff paleontologist in it?

MARK: The mirror was final sale, but

for my holiday rate, I could drop it off at the dump for you.

Halloween counts as a holiday?

Do I have to pay for your mileage, too?

Jay, come on. Of course you do.

Alberta, we know you sad

because you not get to see Pete one last time.

Yeah, I guess I just wanted a little closure.

And now, his death day's coming up next week.

That's gonna be a hard milestone.

Well, we looked through that box of stuff Jerry brought,

and it turned out there was a tape in that VCR.

It's a TV spot that ran locally in the early '80s.

[grunts]

[VCR whirring]

- [Italian music playing] - Howdy, friends.

I'm Pete Martino,

and I want to help you get where you're going.

- Oh. - Whether it's beautiful Sicily,

or vibrant Havana, here at Randuzzo Travel,

we specialize in vacations so incredible,

a surprising number of our clients never return.

Phone call for you, Pete. It's a...

It's a client with a problem.

I need to take this, because at Randuzzo Travel,

you're not just a customer. You're...

- famiglia. - Famiglia.

Bye now.

[sniffles, clicks tongue]

Bye, Pete.

How did he not know he was in the mob?

Yeah, child, the signs were all there. [laughs]

You want me to take anything else

to the dump while I'm making the trip?

The dump?!

I'm good. Hey, what about Canadian Thanksgiving?

Does that trigger your holiday rate?

I have a cousin from Edmonton, so, yes.

Duly noted.

Oh! Put me down! Unhand me. Unhand me!

I don't want to go to the dump!

Kyle! Ghosts! Somebody help!

You watch where you touch me, you pervert!

Hetty! What are you doing in the mirror?

Oh, Trevor, my sister tricked me,

and now these goons are trying to get rid of me.

- [yelling] - [Jay and Hetty yell]

[Trevor gasps]

What the hell, Gabe?!

Hetty?!

Damn it. Another seven years bad luck.

Got that Knicks championship in just in time.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org