Original subtitles

Kellogg's, the best to you each morning from Kellogg's.

Brought to you by Kellogg's your best choice in cereals the best to you each

morning

Look at this room. What a mess.

I'll make Oggy command this instinct and un-mess it back neat.

There's my unneatly son talking to his friend Hector.

So what if you are in a school play?

I don't care.

Ha-ha.

You just wish you were gonna be Jack the Giant Killer. That's what you wish.

Oh, yeah?

I'll get me a really giant. I'll show you.

If Augie's got a really giant duck away in the house, I gotta see it.

Well, where's the giant, Augie?

In your pocket?

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

No, but these beanstalk beans will bring them. Are you kidding?

Them's just plain old lima beans.

Augie's got those beans from the kitchen.

You just wait till morning, Hector, and see what happens.

There'll be a beanstalk clear up the giant land.

Don't overdo it, Augie. And when the giant climbs down, whap, I'll

exterminate him. This I gotta see.

I'll be back in the morning, and you better have a giant.

Ha, ha, ha, lima beans yet.

Augie, why did you tell such a giant fib?

That was no fib, dear old dad.

It's all here in this book, Jack and the Beanstalk. See?

I see, my son, my son, but... Don't you believe me, dad?

I believe you, Augie.

And I know your beanstalk will be there in the morning, my favorite son.

After all, who am I to shatter his fate in fairy tales?

There, it's all finished.

It took me all night, but it ain't a bad do-it-yourself beanstalk.

And for a giant...

Augie's old stilts should put me in the giant category.

The beanstalk.

Wow! Oh, wait till Hector sees this.

And wait till they both see the giant.

And the beanstalk reaches way up to giant land.

Wait till you see it.

Wowee. Be fine enough for when to thump. What was that?

Someone has been eating my porridge.

It's a real live giant.

See you later, Moggy. I got something important to do now.

What's that, Hector?

Scram out of here.

was in my stilts. I'll get a rope and tie the giant up. Oh, boy.

I'll get these stilts off and tell Augie he scared the giant away.

Somebody stop me before there's a catastrophic.

Come back with my roller skate, you old giant, you.

What a predicament.

Going 60 miles an hour on stilts in my giant outfit in the 20 mile an hour

zone.

Did you see what I saw?

Oh, where?

Straight ahead.

I wonder how I signaled for a left turn on stilts.

Oh, that?

Well, it's only a giant on roller skates. How?

A giant on roller skates?

Uh-oh. I must have fractured some vehicle code.

I hope they have a tall jail.

Where did he go, Mike?

Search me.

He just dropped out of sight.

It must be the smog. Yeah, makes you see things like giants and stuff.

I must be working too hard. I could have sworn there was somebody down here with

me.

You fee-fied your last farm, you giant.

That's Augie, my giant wrecking son.

I mustn't let him know that his dad is a fake giant. And first supervisor.

I hope so, Augie. All this running around has made me tired and thirsty to

boot.

Excuse me, sir. Can you spare a little water?

Oh, certainly.

How about a bucketful?

Now be it, or I'll call the cops.

I'm beating it. I'm beating it.

One thing I can't stand, it's a giant on stilts.

Come back here, you giant.

You pick up my packages, and I'll go get your giant.

Thank you, but be careful. He's 30 feet tall.

Of course.

What happened?

Pardon me.

Are you the giant?

Uh-huh. Well, how come you're not 30 feet tall? I was told you were.

Very simple.

I ain't been well lately.

I finish just in time. Here comes Augie.

And don't come back.

Or my son, Augie, will squish you.

Did I scare the giant back up the beanstalk, Dad?

You sure did, Augie, my boy. You scared off a real giant. And I'm proud of you.

Oh, boy.

Wait till I tell Hector.

A forgivable fib on my part.

After all, what good is a fairy tale without a happy ending?

It is an unusually quiet day in the rough, tough town of Abilene.

Today is the day of the big trial, and everyone is crowded into the courthouse,

waiting anxiously for Quickdraw McGraw to return with the star witness, whose

testimony will put Gooden Meany, the bank robber, behind bars.

Quickdraw will never make it.

Oh, Mr.

Briefcase. Yes?

As Gooden Meany's attorney, do you think he'll go free?

Well, I'll tell you, if Quickdraw doesn't produce his witness in exactly

ten minutes, my innocent client will go free.

Yes. And why shouldn't Quickdraw and his witness show up in ten minutes?

Because my brother Dermini will stop them.

That's why.

What is it, Darn Meanie?

You'll never make it to the courthouse with your witness.

You only got ten minutes left.

Ten minutes?

My watch must be slow.

I can't understand it. I paid 39 cents for it, second-handed.

There goes 39 cents down the drain.

Say, Quickstroke, I don't think I want to be the star witness against Mr.

Good and Meanie.

that thinning around here, Bubba Boy.

And don't you forget it.

You're a bully, Quick Straw.

What's that?

I said bully for you, Quick Straw.

You only got a minute left, Quick Straw.

There's only one thing to do, Bubba Boy.

We're going to slingshot our way out of here with this old tire tube.

I don't think I'm going to like this, Quick Straw.

Like I said before, Bubba, I don't... I'll do the thinning around here, et

cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Hold on, Bubba.

Well, I'll be.

So long, Mr. Meany.

Drop that quick jaw.

He might just get away.

Time's up. The case will have to be dismissed.

Hold on.

The case of the people versus good meanie will continue.

Well, good meanie, take the stand, please.

Thanks. I always wanted one of these.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

Well, you told me to take it. Well, I'll put it back, Indian giver.

Good meanie, you're a dishonest bank robber. Admit it.

Oh, what you said.

I never stole a thing in my life.

You hurt my feelings, and I think I'll cry.

Oh, if only my mother were here.

Where are you, dear old mother?

That's my cue.

Stop!

I can explain the whole thing.

Proceed, madam.

And then my boy's little old baseball crashed through the bank window.

And he went in after it, mother?

Yeah, and then the sheriff showed up.

Will you tell us exactly what happened, mother?

It'll be a pleasure.

First he hit my boy with a right.

And then with two lefts.

And a kick.

Then he jumped on him, like this.

Over and over and over and over.

Oh, it was awful, Your Honorist. And oh, yes, I forgot. He hit my boy with a

chair.

Any more questions, Quickdraw?

No, Your Highness.

She's suffered enough.

Well, Quickdraw, Star Witness, take the stand.

If Baba Louie talks.

Your ghost is cooked.

If he talks, I'll cook him.

Baba Louie, I'm going to ask you one question, and I want two answers.

Shoots, Quickstraw.

Do you, Baba Louie, ipso facto and habeas corpus delecti infer per se to

the malfunction of the teawood?

If you say so, Quickstraw.

I object.

The question is entirely irrelevant, immaterial, and furthermore...

calls for a conclusion on the part of this witness.

Quickster, why don't you ask me something simple?

Such as what, Bubba Boy?

Such as, uh, will the star witness object to being kidnapped?

I object.

The question is an elephant, a cereal, and calls for a concussion on the part

of a witness.

Objection overruled. Then I object.

Don't let him get away!

Come back here, you!

Order in the court! Order! Order!

I'll order a large sarsaparilla.

Ooh, that's smart.

Draft the luck.

I missed him 12 times out of 12 times.

I think I better head for the shack before he gets lucky.

We got him now. He's trapped in that cabin.

Two screwballs in the side pockets.

Bombs away.

What's that?

A flying saucer? No, worse.

A flying stove.

Our goose is cooked.

Help!

We're guilty, Judge.

Quick, quick, put us in jail.

Yeah, away from that crazy star witness.

I object, Your Honorable Majesty.

To what, McGraw?

To this stove being on my foot. Ooh, ow, ooh, ouch, ow. Ooh, ow, ouch, ow. Ooh,

that's smart.

Ooh, ow, ooh, ow.

I like that quick straw. When it comes to having brains, he's not guilty.

It's not for detective agency.

Forget your blues. We'll find the clues.

Who? J.B. Sportley, the mighty hunter?

Um, what's the new?

Do I want to go duck hunting for $30,000?

For one duck?

What do you give me for two elephants?

The mark of a good private eye is to make the most of an opportunity.

Start counting me $30,000 fee, J.B. I'll be right over.

I must profess my astonishing amazement, J.B. Your federalistic trophy room is

for the birds.

True, but alas, it is incomplete.

Am I to conjure you mean a duck?

Not just a duck.

More precisely, a rare Tralfazian duck.

What's the difference?

A rare Tralfazian duck doesn't just go... He goes...

Put one on that stand, Snoop, and you've made yourself $30,000.

And you've made yourself a rare deal.

Leave us go hunting, Blab.

Hey, Snoop, what's this toy duck for?

That's no toy, Blab. It's me genuine imitation Trophesian decoy.

Gosh, Snoop, you think of everything.

Quiet, whilst I give the Trophesian duck call.

Do you see anything now, Blab? I can see the back of your head real good, Snoop.

Quiet, Blab. Me keen ears have picked up something.

Mama! Where are you, Mama?

Mama! Your little lost boy is looking for you.

Well, for you.

Hey, not you, Snoop. He thinks the toy duck is his mama.

I'm all for motherhood, Blab. But he's scaring the Trophesian ducks away.

Plus 30,000 grand thousands.

I found my mama.

Aren't you glad?

I'm excruciated with joy.

Now beat it, you common everyday type duck.

I'll never ever eat my mama again.

I'll scare the little pest off.

I ought to book you on grand theft, you duck napper.

We must retrench to our cabin, Bland.

Right, Snoop.

We'll try it again at the, uh, Crackle of Dawn, Bland.

Somebody's knocking on the door, Snoop.

Well, be hasty putting and see who it is.

Right, Chief.

It's him again.

It's that little lost duck.

May I say good night to my Baba?

Certainly. Oh, thank you.

Good night, Baba. Good night, Baba. Good night, Baba.

All right, knock it off already.

You said a whole week of good nights already, so good night.

When Snoop is on a taper, sentiment doesn't stand a chance.

Tell me a bedtime story, Mama.

Leave me tell one.

Once upon a time, there was a pesky duck who was put out of the house.

And Snoop lived happily ever after.

Chuckle, chuckle.

Oh, I don't like that story.

Face it, sonny, this is not your mama. It's a fake wooden duck.

I'm going to show you that I'm for the birds as much as you.

First, the $30,000 grand reward goes out the window with this trapezium decoy.

And then, I'm going to give the broken-hearted little trike a live

mother.

You made a thing.

Yippee-yi-yo-ki-yay, galloping all the way, there goes Quick Draw McGraw.

Kellogg's, your best choice in cereals. The best to you each morning has brought

you Quick Draw McGraw.

Yippee-yi-yo-ki-yay, galloping all the way, brain-based are on your chest.