Original subtitles

Kellogg's, the best to you each morning from Kellogg's.

Brought to you by Kellogg's your best choice in cereals the best to you each

morning

This is the Western State Penitentiary.

And this is the notorious bank robber, Billy the Kidder, captured at last.

And this is the office of the warden, where Billy the Kidder is being grilled

by warden Lock and Keys.

Oh, come on, Billy.

Save yourself 99 years and tell us where you hid that bank money.

Only my partner, Horseface Harry, knows where it is.

I ain't talking, and he ain't here.

Tell you what.

Talk, and you'll get barbecued prairie dog every Sunday. Oh, joy.

With sagebrush dumplings?

Yes. And tumbleweed pie?

Yes, yes.

No, thanks. I'm not hungry.

Take him to his cell for, say, 99 years.

Horse face hairy, huh?

Why, he's the splitting image of Quick-Graw-Ma-Graw.

Say.

That gives me an idea.

Hello, operator.

Send for the highfalutin' as fast as shootin' as cowboy you ever saw.

Who do I mean?

Why, none other than Quickdraw McGraw.

It is a extreme pleasure to do business with you, Warden.

On the right side of the law, of course.

McGraw, you look enough like Horseface Harry to be Horseface Harry.

I gets it. You wants me to impersonate this handsome fellow.

Quakstra thinks he's handsome.

That just kills me.

Well, what's the scheming in that little bitty brain of yours, Warden? I'll put

you in the same cell with Horseface Harry's partner, a real mean cuss named

Billy the Kidder, and he'll lead you to the stolen bank money.

I hope Billy doesn't snore.

Hey, warden, where do I fit in?

I don't look like Horseface Harry. I look like my grandmother.

Baba Louie, your job is to engineer a phony jailbreak so Billy can lead

Quickdraw to the money.

Can you do it, Quickdraw?

Can a swim duck?

And so Quickdraw McGraw, posing as the desperado Horseface Harry, went to work.

I'm Hossface Harry, and meaner than a barrel of angry wildcats.

Growl!

In you go, Hossface.

Hossface Harry.

Billy the Kidder. How come you to get yourself captured, Hossface?

We won't be here for long, Billy boy.

If a 99 years ain't for long, I don't know what is for long, Hossface.

Hey, fellas, it is me, Baba Louie, the jailbreaker engineer, I think.

And with the phony jailbreak accomplished, Quickdraw's next step was

to get Billy to lead him to the stolen money.

Welcome to our hideout, Horseface.

Hello there, hideout.

Let's go in and hide.

Make yourself the home, Horseface, whilst I hustle up some hot grub.

Make mine some hot bank money, Billy. Over easy.

Right, Horseface.

One stolen money coming up.

As fickle fate would have it, who should show up at this very moment but the real

Horseface Harry?

I can't wait 99 years for Billy, so I'll take all the loot.

Billy, you thieving vomit!

Take your paws off on that money.

But, Horseface...

You just told me to go fetch it. Well, fetch this!

Hold on there!

Where's the money?

Why, Horseface, you just took it.

Oh, I did no such thing.

Now go get it.

Yes, sir, Horseface.

Well, what do you want?

Must be that cactus cough medicine I've been taking.

I told you to vamoose.

No, it can't be.

Well, where's the money?

Who cares?

I'm going back to jail.

Nothing like stolen money divided one ways.

Nice work, Quigsdra. Now you can return the money.

Huh? You're a plumb loco, stranger.

I'm going to San Francisco and spend it all on a good time.

I think the heat got Quickstraw. He don't sound like himself.

So I will return the money.

Hey!

He stole my stolen money!

Come back here, you crook!

I'm sorry, Quickstraw.

Quickstraw! I see you have found the money. Money, Baba Boy!

Hand it over.

No, I think I keep this money.

Why, Baba, that's downright dishonest. You were going to spend it in San

Francisco on a good time.

You said.

I did.

See, you admit it. So I will return the money myself.

Quick, drop!

Hand over the money, you crook. San Francisco, here...

Waitin', Baba Louie.

Where's the money?

You just took it. And there you go, Quickstraw.

Hold on there, Quickstraw McGraw.

Say, that's not you.

That's Horseface Harry, I think.

Hold on there, Horseface Harry.

Drat. It's that good-lookin' Budinsky, Quickstraw McGraw.

Nice work, McGraw. I see you got the stolen money.

Uh-oh.

It's the warden.

And here comes Quickdraw.

Give me that stolen money, this instinct.

Who's that a-coming, Quickdraw?

Why, uh, that, that's none other than Hossface Harry.

Hossface? Yeah, I'll take care of him.

Hold on there, warden.

I'm Quickdraw McGraw.

Oh, no, you're not. I'm Quickdraw McGraw. I'm Quickdraw McGraw. I'm...

You know something?

I think I am quickly withdrawing.

Adios!

This row of old brownstone houses are all alike, with the exception of one.

For this one has the distinction of being the home of Super Snooper, the

famous private eye, and his assistant, Blabber.

Let's go inside and see how a famous detective operates.

Oh, uh, pardon the intrusion, Blab. That's all right. I'm waiting for Snoop.

We're going to a wedding.

Well, while you're waiting, can you tell us about his latest case?

His latest... Hey, it's why we're going to a wedding today.

Astounding. Tell us about it. It all started one dismal foggy evening while

Snoop was looking over his priceless collection of villain's mustaches.

Say, Snoop. What is it, Blab? I see in the papers that Tootsweet is getting

married. Tootsweet?

Say, he's the French flea who helped us solve that poodle camper a year ago.

That's the one.

His picture is in the paper.

I love Grant, Snoop.

How much is the fare, driver?

A bone and a half.

Here you are.

Keep the change.

Thanks.

I hope Monsieur Snooper is at home.

How come to that door knock, Blab, and answer it?

Right, Snoop.

Perchance it's some millionaire in distress.

God, Snoop, there's nobody here.

Then it deduces you to shut the door.

No, wait.

But it is somebody.

It is I, Tootsweet.

Tootsweet? To what do we contribute this sudden visit?

Yeah, we thought you was getting married.

Then Toots Sweet told us the whole sordid story.

How a city slicker flea promised to make her a star in the flea circus on

Broadway. And how she disappeared on her wedding day.

I could tell Snoop's nimble brain was working fast.

Gadzooks, I have it. Me thimble brain tells me to go clue hunting at the flea

circus on Broadway.

Gee, that's... Brilliant, Snoop. Yeah, I know, Blab. Leave us go.

It's like I said.

They was here.

She and a slick-looking flea.

Yes, sir. Then what happened?

I auditioned her. She couldn't sing, like I said. She couldn't sing at all.

So I said no.

What else could I do?

Then they left.

They left?

Like I said, they left.

Which way did he go? Can I have a couple of free tickets?

No. They went into that building over there.

Come on, baby.

Just one little sip. It's only soda.

Actually, it really is only soda.

Listen, baby.

So what if you can't sing?

Maybe you can dance.

I do not want my Mimi Nights. I just want my Toot Sweet.

Unhand that flea, you flea.

Can I have one free ticket?

No, you can't. Unhand that flea, you flea.

We're coming, Giselle.

Open door policy.

Pardon, Monsieur Snoop. Perhaps I can be of assistance.

Sure, Tootsweet. But what in Tunket can a pint-sized flea like you do?

Stand back, Monsieur.

Tootsweet is the fleaway camp of Europe, Snoop.

like gentle fleas.

Now remember, take five steps, turn, and fire.

Are the contestants ready?

Ready. Ready.

Okay. One, two.

He's gone stark raven mad.

Somehow, a stark raven mad flea strikes me funny.

You have such a beast.

Good work, Giselle.

You parted him right on the noggin.

Like any villain, all I can do is say coisis.

I give up.

Put the cuffs on him, Blab, and call an ambulance hastily to wit.

I fear for the welfare of our friend Tootsweet.

Let's not keep the bride and groom waiting.

Right, Snoop. We gotta go now. Snoop is the best man.

Hey, taxi!

Who's in Niagara Falls, driver?

There goes another happy groom into the oblivion of marital matrimony, Blab. To

which his private eyes are denied.

Huh, Snoop?

You can sign out again, Blab.

Okay. To which that's busy, Private Eyes.

Never mind, Blab.

Never mind.

Snoop's got a soft heart. That's why I love him.

Either the mattress is on fire, or, gee, my boy is cooking up another one of his

scientifical concoctions.

Oh, gee, my boy.

Yes, Dad, of a sensitive nose.

What may I ask of you two?

A rubber hose too?

No, unscientific, Dad. It's a noiseless explosive.

It'll go off without a kaboom.

What will you think of next, Hockey Boy?

No, no, Dad, no.

Don't agitate it.

Hockey, what happened?

It worked, Dad. It exploded without a kaboom.

Your little boy is a scientific success.

Hooray! And your dear old dad is a scientifical wreck.

No hooray.

I'll start by mixing a big batch in the bathtub, Dad, and I'll make you a

million dollars. And I beg to differentiate with you, Augie. You'll

start by getting a new and safer hobby.

If you say so, behind the times, Dad.

I say so, and I reiterate my say so.

Hey, Dad, I've started.

Started what, my scientifical son?

My new and safer hobby, the African flora carnivorous.

Hmm. Is this frantic, awful, gravenious something like stamp collecting?

No, unhobby like, Dad.

It's a little flower plant that you feed like any living animal.

Yes, a cute little rascal.

Coochie, coochie, coochie. Be careful, Dad.

Ouch! I should have warned you. The African flora carnivorous has a

tremendous appetite.

How do you like that?

I've been bitten by a Franica awful cravenius.

Here's some nice fresh milk for you, Kearney. It'll help you grow.

It's mealtime, Kearney.

You're growing bigger every day.

Guess what I got for your first birthday dinner, Carney. A whole T-bone steak.

Here, catch.

That's fine, Carney. Now it's time for beddy-bye.

Good night, Carney.

Right away, Augie.

How's your frantic, awful Cravenius coming along?

He just kissed me goodnight.

That boy of mine is the hotter catulturist with an imagination.

Don't stay up too late, dear old tired dad.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, I'll keep by.

I'll hit the sack right after a snack.

A glass of milk will go good with that chocolate cake.

So where's the cake?

I must be getting absent-brained.

I could have given you my word. I brought the cake.

So where's the milk?

That Augie's up to his old tricks again.

All right, Augie, up from under the table.

He ain't down there.

And the cake ain't up here either.

That boy of mine, he probably snuck back to his bed.

I'll take a peek and make sure.

Look at my scientifical son.

He's making like a real snore.

But he ain't hoodwinked and they're all dead.

Do my eyes perceive me? Or do I see a frantic, awful Cravenius with a chicken

on his head?

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a flower that steals chickens from the

refrigerator.

All right, you common garden variety thief.

Drop that chicken.

Holy Cravenius.

Help, Augie, help! I'm being attacked by a daffy daffodil!

Kearney, you naughty flower!

Stop this instant!

You should be ashamed of yourself, Kearney.

Scaring dear old dad like that.

Augie, that pilfering plant has got to go this for instance.

Kearney didn't mean it, dear old heartless dad.

He'll behave from now on.

Won't you, Kearney?

Can he stay, Dad? Can he? Can he, huh? Can he stay?

Well, I wouldn't want the neighbors to say Augie's dear old dad hates flowers.

So long, dear old dad.

I'm on my way to school.

So long, Augie, my brilliant boy.

Have a good day.

Hurry up, Kearney, or we'll be late.

After all...

it ain't every dad who's got a boy and the franica awful connivius in the

second grade

best choice in cereals the best to you each morning has brought you quick draw

mcgraw