Original subtitles

Kellogg's, the best to you each morning from Kellogg's.

Brought to you by Kellogg's your best choice in cereals the best to you each

morning

Hi, Snoop. Things have been awful quiet today.

Yeah, Blab. Our notorious reputation must have scared all the criminals out

of town.

Gee, what do we do for a living?

Unhand me the phone, Blab, and I shall contact Hazel and, uh, you know, see if

we have any caper calls.

Right, Snoop. Here you are.

Snoop to Hazel. Snoop to Hazel.

Hello, Hazel?

Uh, what jumps?

I'm glad you asked, Chief.

It gives me a chance to be funny.

Angel, my telephone girl has a great sense of humor.

Now, get this, Chief.

Slippery Sidney, the Australian jewel thief, just stole the cumbersome

diamond.

So, uh, what's so funny-hilarious about that?

Sidney got away in his getaway kangaroo.

Don't you get it, Bob?

I get it, Snoop.

You asked Hazel what's up.

Don't you get it, Snoop?

Quiet, Blab, or you'll get it.

Hazel, what did Lord Cumbersome offer as monetary reward for return of said

diamond? 40,000 pounds.

Holy mackerel. I mean mackerel. 40,000 pounds of what?

Of money.

Well, it'll be awful heavy, but I'll manage to lift it.

of more miles, Matilda, and we'll be aboard a ship on our merry way to

Australia with the cumbersome diamond.

Get up, Matilda.

We'll be good in school.

What is mine?

Blab? Where, for the instance, are you?

You called, Snoop?

What incarnation are you doing in that kangaroo knapsack?

I like it, Snoop. It's nice and cozy.

Well, uncozy yourself this minute, or I'll drag you out.

I wouldn't advise it, Snoop. Come out or turn in your...

Good morning, Augie, my good friend and neighbor.

Good morning, Philibert.

Help yourself to some cheese.

Thank you. It's good to have neighbors with miles and miles of heart.

That mouse is in for a big catastrophe.

And here it comes.

I'll take care of him.

Uh-oh.

I better take care of myself.

There's nothing like munching on a little snack while watching TV.

You look awfully familiar, sir.

Didn't we meet in Cincinnati?

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a wise guy cat from Cincinnati.

Especially... When I'm all set to watch TV.

And don't honor us with a return visit.

You can come out now, Filibert.

Alas, Augie, it was too much for me.

I've been forced to take to my little bed.

I'm not too strong, you know.

Gee, Filibert, is there anything I can do for you? If it were only possible for

you to come in and feed me a little...

drink-giving hot cheese soup.

That's not impossible, Philibert. Wait.

Four liters of decalcitrating arum and one of tetrahetra should do it. After

all, I didn't get an A in chemistry for nothing.

It worked!

What is it, Augie, my well-behaved offspring?

May I have some of this cheese, generous dad?

What's mine is yours, my son, my son.

Help yourself.

Thanks, father, who shares and shares alike.

Yikes! Augie boy, you've shrunk.

How come?

I'll tell you later, observant dad, who's more than a little flabbergasted.

I have to sit up with a sick friend right now.

Augie? Come out of that mouse hole.

After all, it's a parent's duty to see who his son's friends are.

He could be running around with not so nice mices.

Do you feel any better, Philibert?

Your very presence brightens my day.

I'm glad.

Pass the cheese.

This must be the stuff that Augie drank to shrink him.

I will do ditto and go in after him.

I guess this is known as belittling oneself.

I don't know how he did it, but I suppose every dog has his day.

And today is his.

Huggy boy, here comes your shrunken father.

It's you again. I thought I'd chew you out.

You know, I gotta admit, the little runt's got nerve.

Hey, I reiterate.

out you go hold it shorty

what a catastrophe

i

never dreamed that someday i'd

be hiding from a cat in my old hunting rifle he couldn't have hid in a better

place

Bombs away!

You gotta admit, I travel like a big shot.

Well, what do you know?

Bottled dog.

Uh-oh. Looks like a storm is a-brewing.

Mr. Christian!

I'll have you hanging from the highest yardarm! Mr.

Christian!

Do you hear me, Mr.? Mr.

Christian, thanks a lot.

I have not yet begun to fight, Captain Kett.

That's a heck of a way to treat an admiral.

Augie, help, Augie. Your dear old dad needs you. Help, help.

That sounds like dear old dad in distress.

Do you mind if I leave you for a while, Filibert?

Go ahead, Augie. I'll manage somehow.

Help is coming, father who is distressed. Keep a stiff upper jowl.

This'll make me big again.

I'll hide in this sugar bowl until Augie rescues me.

I think I'll add a few more lumps to that sugar bowl with this firecracker.

Hey, Cat, what's the matter?

Huh? You don't look so good.

I don't? Uh-uh.

Let me see your tongue.

This'll cut you down to size.

Holy mackerel!

The firecracker!

What are you up to now, Augie, my son, my son?

I'm bringing some hot liver soup to a sick friend.

Dear old inquisitive, but sensitive to others pain, Dad.

This I gotta see.

Ain't that cute?

I brought you fellas something good to eat.

Gee, thanks, Augie.

I feel a little stronger already.

After all, how many boys can bring hot soup?

to a sick cat in a mouse hole.

Billy the Kid, the James Boys, and the other bad men of the Old West had

nothing on the toughest one of them all, Fast Gun Finnegan, a sly, slippery

hombre that could not be brought to justice.

Hold on there.

I'm bringing Fast Gun Finnegan to justice?

Why, it's Quick Draw McGraw, the fastest gun in the West.

The same.

And any minutes now, Fascon Finnegan will come out running to give himself

up. Why, that's downright incredible.

How did you do it? Oh, you tell him, Bubba Boy. I'm too modest.

Okay, Quickstraw.

And don't leave nothing out.

Right. I think it all started this morning when we arrived in Peaceful

Gulch. Oh, what do the signs say, Bubba Boy?

It say, Peaceful Gulch.

Population, 500, and no sheriff.

No, Sheriff.

Come on, blah, blah. When I tell them Fascon Finnegan is on his way to rob

their bank, they'll hire me as sheriff.

Facts all the same, but like the sign says, we don't need a sheriff.

So, so long, quick draw.

Well, that's that.

Shall we go pitch some horseshoes, quick straw?

Nothing doing.

I'm staying right here and prove that they need me as sheriff.

How you gonna do that, Quickstraw?

By staging a fake bank hold-up so that I can arrest the bandit.

I'll give you one guess who's going to be the bandit.

Now, remember, shoot twice it over your shoulder and yell, Yahoo!

What's for, Quickstraw?

That'll be the sagiginal for me to rush in hero-like and arrest you.

Now, get it going.

Right, Quickstraw.

This is a stick-up.

Now, don't you wish you had a sheriff like Quickstraw?

Nope. On account of we got Clarence.

Clarence? Who's Clarence? You'll find out.

Yikes!

I think I better give Quickstraw the signal.

Yahoo! Yahoo!

Who am I?

What am I? Well, besides being good-looking. And what was I supposed to

do? Help, Quickstraw!

Yahoo! Yahoo!

What's a Yahoo?

Now I remember.

Yahoo was a Siginigano.

Hold on there, bank robber! Before Quickstraw McGraw gives you what for?

he gives me the what's for?

Clarence? What's a Clarence?

Clarence is why they don't need you, a sheriff.

Hold on there.

Anybody named Clarence couldn't be such a much, and I'll prove it.

Goodbye, Quickstraw. Could I have your six-shooter to remember you by?

Come on out, Clarence, you phony baloney, and get your comeuppance.

What the?

Pardon me, sir. May I get by?

Why, you're no bigger than a sagebrush stump.

Yes, I know. I know.

I'll give you a break.

Go on. Hit me, shorty.

Heavens, no.

I couldn't hit anybody.

My hands have small bones.

Some pest annoying the customers, eh?

Clarence will take care of them.

Yeah, Shorty, hit me.

I'll even close my big brown eyes.

Let me have it on the suit.

Now, uh, don't hurt your little small-boned hand.

Ooh, that's smart.

I think we better clear out of here, Quickstraw, before Clarence clobbers you

good. I'll do the thinning for both of us, Bubba Boy, and...

I think I got an idea.

Okay, Bubba, hand me that stovepipe.

I don't think it's going to work, Quicks Draw.

Sure it will, Bubba Boy.

Fight fire with fire and tin with tin. I'll always say.

All right, you mess of scrap iron.

Come on out and draw against Quick Draw McGraw.

It's back to the scrappy for you, Clarence.

That's close enough, Clarence.

Now draw.

That's pretty good shooting, eh, Clarence?

I was right.

It ain't gonna work.

Are you all right, Quickstraw?

When I stop vibrating.

Hey, Quickdraw, look who's coming.

It's Vascon Finnegan, the bandit. Out of my way, Quickdraw.

I'm gonna rob the town that needs no sheriff.

They don't need a sheriff. They got Clarence.

Ha! Anybody named Clarence couldn't be such a much.

That's what you think.

And that's how Quickdraw is going to capture Fastgun Finnegan.

Help!

Help! Help!

That ought to be Fastgun now.

Help! Help, Quickdraw! Put me in a nice safe jail.

Help!

What are you going to do with the reward money, Quickdraw?

I'm going to boy clearance and take them apart, bolt by bolt, so I can be

sheriff.

Sure, Quickstraw. What is it?

Pick up my reward money and meet me in Arizona.

That's what I like about Quickstraw. Once he finishes his job, he's off to a

new place.

Whether he likes it or not.

Your best choice in cereals. The best to you each morning has brought you Quick

Draw McGraw.