Original subtitles

- In England, the line where we live,

is the Quaker meeting house

where William Penn sets off to find Pennsylvania.

- No, William Penn didn't set off to find Pennsylvania,

'cause it wasn't fucking Pennsylvania.

Wasn't it America?

- No, William Pennsylvania.

He got in a fucking wooden boat,

sailed across the fucking Atlantic,

and went, "Oh, I found some land.

"I think I'll call this, Pennsylvania."

Penn-syl-vania.

- I know Ozzy, I know-- - But there wasn't

a Pennsylvania, it was called Indian land

or whatever the fuck it was called.

If I had a clown,

he would've been called Prince of Darkness land.

- Ozzyland.

Mew and Dollyland, Dollyland and Ozzyland.

- She looks great, Dolly Parton.

(big band music)

♪ Crazy ♪

♪ Hey, but that's how it goes ♪

♪ Millions of people, living as foes ♪

♪ And maybe it's not too late ♪

♪ To learn how to love and forget how to hate ♪

(upbeat music)

- I'm thirsty as a bitch.

Hello.

- Hello.

What you doing today?

- [JACK] Tennis practice.

- Are you okay?

- I'm doing all right, how you doing?

- So, Ozzy and Kelly are going back to England

to do "Top of the Pops."

- Coolness, coolness.

- This TV show daddy first did 32 years ago,

and then he's back 32 years later with Kelly.

- I know!

- [SHARON] All right.

- [JACK] Why don't you call me back?

- [SHARON] I love you.

- I love you too, mom.

- Okay, bye.

(phone clattering)

Kelly, she's got a new boyfriend.

- He's gonna be our boy with the fucking tattoo isn't it?

- [DRIVER] Is he going over to Europe with her, Sharon?

- Yes, thank God, because-- - I know,

I think that would be a blessing in disguise.

- Definitely, because he will take care of her and--

- Yep. - But he might get a

punch in the fucking eye if he walks around

with that fucking thing on his head.

And the thing is, it doesn't suit him

because he's not a bad guy.

- He's a great guy, it's just--

- But what on earth?

I mean, he looks like he'd been thrown

into a fucking pine pot.

♪ Why wonder why holding you near excites me ♪

(Kelly screaming)

♪ Why wonder why touching your lips ignites me ♪

- Oh!

♪ Why question our feelings deep as they are ♪

♪ If this is love, why wonder why ♪

(door slams)

- You ain't going to sleep are you?

- Oh!

- What?

What? - It's the dog.

- You killed it.

- No, I just had a fucking fit.

I didn't know what that was, I wasn't expecting it.

I was watching telly till about four.

- I come-- - I just couldn't sleep again,

and you were chatting up a storm in your sleep.

- I'm frightened.

- Oh, daddy.

- [OZZY] I'm scared to go back to England.

- [SHARON] There's nothing to be frightened about.

- Do you know what the worst feeling in the world is?

It's when you go on stage and your voice goes out?

It's the fucking worst.

- Ozzy, it's going to be all right.

You know nothing's going to take

your voice away from you, sweetheart.

Nothing.

- My nose itches all the fucking time.

- Stop, you're making it dis-formed

because you keep rubbing it.

(upbeat music)

- Daddy, are you not going to Europe now?

- I don't think so.

(Kelly sighs)

- I don't want him to fucking have a fit

and not go because I can't do it by myself.

- How many times do you hear this

whilst your 19 years that you've been with us?

- What the fuck am I supposed to do?

- Just leave him have his wobbler.

He always does this before he has to go.

It's part of the workup to going, you know that.

- If he doesn't go, I'm not doing any of his shit for him.

I won't do his interviews.

- Don't worry tootsie, he's going.

Daddy would never let you down like that at all.

He's going.

- I'm just freaking out that he won't go home.

(big band music)

- On the 19th of December I'm going to England.

- When am I going?

- It depends whether you wanna go

and do this promotion with Kelly.

You've really got to decide, Ozzy.

- Do I have to?

- Hey, it's your call.

- I don't particularly want to go back to England though.

If you'll go fucking shopping, man,

and I'll be stuck in a fucking freezing cold house.

It's so fucking cold.

I used to wake up,

with fucking icicles on my fucking ass.

(big band music)

(playful music)

- [KELLY] Mom, I'm leaving.

- I love you.

I love you Kelly, so much.

(camera clicks) (lips smack)

Love you, baby.

Travel safe.

You call me as soon as you get to that airport.

Oh, I'm glad.

I wondered why I hadn't seen it.

I love you. - Love you.

- Where's Rob?

- Oh! - Has Boris eaten today?

- You need to eat a couple more times.

- I'll feed him.

All right take...

Where's your coat?

- It's in the car. - Mom, hey, can I please go?

Will you please take a winter coat?

- I have one!

- He doesn't understand that it's like below freezing.

- Guys, have a safe to flight.

- I'll see you over there.

- No, you need a coat?

There's one-- - I have two, I promise.

- Have you got a sweater?

- Yeah.

- You'll die!

(Rob laughs)

Rob you don't, man.

I mean, Eskimos die there.

(Rob laughs)

All right, I'm going to get you a sweater, hold on.

- [MAN WITH PINK SHIRT] We've had torrential rains

and floods there.

- I'll take care of Boris.

- You have to, mom.

I'm so sad that I'm leaving him, you've no idea.

- Rob, where are these from?

It's a nice blazer, it'll keep you warm.

- Thank you.

- Don't lose it.

(Rob laughing)

- Take care of each other. - I will.

We'll see you in a couple days.

- No wobbling from either one of you.

- And if she gives you any lip, smack her ass.

(Rob laughs)

- I love you dad. - Love you too.

(upbeat music)

- Just getting all your stuff ready for Europe.

Outfits, so the girls are putting them all together,

so that when you get there

each outfit's already put together

so you don't have to put anything together.

- Okay. - Look,

so this goes off her shoulder with the bow.

(big band music)

♪ Go, go, go happy ♪

- I don't need those. - No?

- I'm just gonna get my North Face coat on.

- Love you, daddy.

♪ From your head right down to your feet ♪

♪ You don't need to run and hurry ♪

♪ Patience is a virtue ♪

♪ You don't need to frown and worry ♪

♪ No one's gonna hurt you ♪

♪ Go, go, go happy ♪

♪ Life can be a beautiful thing ♪

- Ozzy, Kelly's asking if you need anything.

- What? - Kelly.

- Hi, Tuttles.

- [KELLY] Hi daddy.

- You okay?

Have you got me eclairs?

- Yeah. - Lovely.

I'll see you in about half an hour.

God bless.

Bye.

(rock music)

- Good, good. - Hi.

- Lets get these back in here.

Hello, Rob and Kelly.

(multiple people talking)

- How are you? - Hello, Kel!

Give me a hug.

Hello, Marish.

- Have you lit the fire?

- We was waiting for you I didn't know how to do it.

- Can't believe how cold it is.

- I didn't know.

- It's so fucking cold here.

(dog panting)

No one here to light a fire.

(upbeat music)

(coal clattering)

(upbeat music continues)

(coal clattering)

(bag ripping)

(coal clattering)

(upbeat music continues)

(coal clattering)

(bucket clattering)

(pop music)

Kelly, put some music on.

- Okay, I keep flipping the stations.

- Every time I-- - Two old tattooed

fucking freaks can dig.

- Okay. (Ozzy mimics chatter)

- I'm bored and I want to go back to fucking Los Angeles!

♪ Good bye to you ♪

- Kelly!

I've been on a plane all night.

- What are you freaking out about?

I just sat down, I'm not even fucking talking!

- Kelly, don't be such a bitch, Kel.

- I cannot believe it,

you've been here for five minutes

and you're already

calling me a bitch. - No, I can't believe you...

(Ozzy mumbles)

- Have fun, I'm going upstairs.

(Rob sighs)

- Goddammit.

- Fucking kids in love.

(playful music)

It's fucking freezing in here.

(upbeat music) (coal clattering)

(big band music)

(upbeat music)

(feet stamping)

- Is it working?

- He's gone to get the keys.

- That's the biggest one Honda do, that one.

- Pardon? - That's the

biggest one Honda do.

- Oh, it's a Honda. - Yeah.

- I thought it was a Harley.

(engine revs) (playful music)

♪ Oh we ain't got a barrel of money ♪

♪ Maybe we're ragged and funny ♪

♪ But we'll travel along, singing a song ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

♪ Well I don't know what's a-comin' tomorrow ♪

♪ Maybe it's trouble and sorrow ♪

♪ Just to travel along, singing a song ♪

♪ Side by side ♪

- [TOY TALKING] Box bop, bop it.

Box bop, one on one.

Bop it.

Spin it.

- Quit with the fucking rattle.

- [TOY TALKING] Spin it.

Spin it.

Box bop, solo.

Bop it.

Twist it.

- Fucking driving me mad.

Kelly. - Yes.

- [OZZY] Go and have children somewhere.

- Go and have what?

- Go and have babies. - Fuck off.

- Or fucking buy a monkey.

- [TOY TALKING] Box bop, solo.

Pull it.

Twist it.

(upbeat music)

Do it the same, but better.

- [OZZY] Throw it at the wall.

(Kelly sighing)

- Oh.

I don't know why they don't have this drink in America.

It's my favorite. - Cause no one would buy it.

- Yeah, they would.

My argument with you was so good last night.

About the guy, that sung that song.

He's not even Jamaican, and he talks like that.

And I'm like, Sean Paul isn't even black.

And he talks like that. - Yes he is.

That's his voice.

That's how it sounds when he talks.

- [KELLY] Yeah, because he's made himself talk like that.

- That's how his voice is.

- Okay, how do you talk when you're

on the phone with your friends?

- [ROB] The same way I talk when I'm in front of my friends.

- Why do you keep throwing those at me?

If you do that again, I will walk out

and we'll get in a fight.

- [ROB] I'll just walk out right now.

- Fuck you. - Okay, whatever.

(door shutting)

(dramatic music)

(door shutting) (engine revving)

- What's happening?

Huh?

- Did you see this?

- Yes, Bill's arranging a car for him.

What time do you get outta here?

- At nine this morning.

- He left at nine? - Hmm.

What time are we going?

- In about 10, 15 minutes, Kel.

'cause we don't need to leave til like 3:30.

All right?

- So you want some advice, Kelly?

Give yourself some time

before you get involved with anybody else.

- I don't want to talk about it.

(upbeat music)

- Ozzy, probably about five minutes until we actually walk.

- Dad, are you nervous?

- Nervous? - Yeah.

- Are you? - Yeah.

- Why? - Because it's live,

and 8 million people are watching.

- Oh fuck.

Let's go, Kelly.

Let's make a million dollars.

♪ I am so sad ♪

♪ I've lost the best friend ♪

♪ That I ever had ♪

♪ She's my baby ♪

(group laughing) (crowd cheering)

♪ Well, it's too late now ♪

♪ I've let her go ♪

(emotional music)

♪ We're going through changes ♪

♪ We're going through changes ♪

♪ Changes ♪

(audience clapping and screaming)

- Kelly, that was excellent.

Well done, my dear. - I almost cried.

- I did too.

I had a lump in my throat, I was holding it back.

- Why did he cry, Kel?

- Because it was just very emotional.

- I thought it was an honor signing, okay.

- [KELLY] Dad, you did really, really good.

- And you.

Great, I love you. - I love you.

(multiple people talking)

(upbeat music)

Hi, darling.

- Hi.

How did it go?

- I think if you keep our fingers crossed,

we may just have a Christmas number one.

- All right!

So everything went great.

- Everybody said that was the best thing I've ever seen.

- Good, I'm so glad.

So, it's over.

So, no more traveling.

- Okay. - Love you.

Bye. - Love you, bye.

(upbeat music continues)

A lovely day today.

(pedal clicking)

(engine revving)

I'm just gonna go wrap around the field.

(engine revving)

It's too fucking cold, man.

My fingers numb, no let's go back.

(engine revving) (Ozzy cheering)

- [DRIVER] Ozz, Ozz!

Ozz, Ozz!

Ozzy!

Ozzy, Ozzy!

Can you breathe? - Who's got the keys?

Don't worry, just take one of the fucking bikes!

Ozzy, can you breathe?

Oz!

Ozzy.

Ozzy.

Someone get back and get ambulance.

Get an ambulance to the house.

(engine idling) (inaudible speech)

- Just stop breathing for a while.

(siren blaring)

- It was good to come back.

- I mean, I'll never forget this trip.

I nearly killed myself.

So, I feel like I've been chopped in the neck

by fucking Bruce Lee.

It's like somebody kicking me in the ribs.

Okay, I'm going home with eight broken ribs, broken neck,

smashed collarbone.

Every part of my body

feels like I've been throwing off a fucking building.

I'm never riding a fucking bike again, ever.

But it was all right.

I'll come back again.

When, I don't know.

It's fucking freezing here!