Original subtitles

[man] Ozzy, I'm gonna hand this to you

and I'll have you re-slate when Jack comes in.

I got to do this thing try and convince these folks that...

- Hi, Jack. - things aren't as they seem.

Hi. You having fun there?

Get this [bleep] thing on the way.

[Jack] We may be the first family of darkness,

but not all of us are true believers

in the paranormal.

I want to believe.

[Sharon] Has a ghost

- ever been caught on film? - Yes.

And I have the evidence that will blow their minds.

Who's that?

I think you're starting to believe.

Seeing is believing.

[Jack] Whoa. What is happening?

[Ozzy] Oh, God. No.

Ah, okay. How are we doing?

- Very good. - Very good, thanks.

Here we find ourselves locked in the basement

with me.

And a whole bunch of weird clips

from the internet.

You guys feeling like

you maybe wanna believe today?

- [Sharon] Yeah. I do. Why not? - [Jack] All right.

So this first clip

is one of the scary ones I'm gonna show you.

Well, at least it scared me.

This was taken from a security camera

in Wakefield, New Hampshire.

[ominous music playing]

[Jack] So that camera is pointing towards the road.

And if you look right here,

that's the ghostly apparition

the homeowner captured.

Now watch what happens next.

[ominous music playing]

[Jack] The car drives right through it.

- Nah, [bleep] no. - [Jack] Hold on.

And look at it closer.

I mean, someone's definitely there, they're moving.

[Ozzy] Before the car gets to it,

it disappears.

[Jack] I don't think so.

The car goes right through it.

[Ozzy] You know what I think this is...

Them security cameras go for 24 hours

and they'll go over it.

[Jack] No, no, no. We just started.

You can't pull the double exposure crap.

These one's are digital.

So it doesn't do the same thing.

[Ozzy] I don't think it's a ghost.

[Jack] Mom's quiet.

You're either tired or you're deep in thought?

No. I'm just thinking about it.

[ominous music playing]

Oh.

[fake crying]

[Sharon] I think it looks like

he's in front of the car but he's actually not.

He's at the side on the road.

[Jack] So, we think that is potentially real?

Oh, I thought it's real

but that it's somebody at the side of the road.

[whimsical music playing]

[Jack] Okay.

Woogie Boogie, what are we giving it?

- Four. - Two.

Uh-huh.

[Sharon makes sound]

[makes sound]

Why, Dimi, why?

[ominous music playing]

[glass breaks]

Why, Dimi, why?

Dimi, why you do this to me?

That's a reference to The Exorcist

if anyone is unaware.

Oh, please.

Why you do this to me Dimi, why?

[cheers and applause]

[Jack] Okay. So, this next clip

was captured on a security camera,

uh, watch for the shadow figure on the stairs.

And what it does to one of the guys in the video.

And no, he did not slip

or trip on his shoelace.

[ominous music playing]

[Jack] Keep your eye on the guy to the right.

[laughs]

[laughs] You think it's funny?

They're just walking down the stairs

having a good old chat,

then he gets beaten up by a shadow.

[Jack] I'm glad you find it funny.

And just so we're clear,

that is no ordinary shadow.

[bleep] shadow.

[Jack] Yeah. That's the point.

It's a shadow attacking him.

- Look. - No, no.

It's him. It's...

It's his shadow.

That's not his shadow.

That shadow is moving independent

of both of those guys.

Look, it's staying there.

It's a weird clip.

[Sharon] But why should a ghost

have a shadow anyway?

[Jack] That's a good point.

Do you actually think a ghost was attacking

or was the guy just like slipping

on some like oil on the steps,

having a bit of a flail around?

[Sharon] No.

Somebody was hitting on him.

- Hmm. - Tripping him up.

[Jack] Where would we put this

- on the Woogie Boogie scale? - Five.

[Jack] Five on the Woogie Boogie?

- Three. - [Jack] Are you serious?

Oh, coming out

not as strong as I would like

but we have room for growth.

So this next clip comes to us, uh,

straight out of Vietnam,

uh, July 19th, 2014.

[ominous music playing]

[Jack] This is the guy's workshop.

And he caught some type of entity

on his security camera.

[ominous music playing]

How weird is that?

- [bleep] smoke. - [Jack] Smoke?

What [bleep] smoke

gets sucked out of a door?

- Maybe they opened a window. - Why was it going

into a [bleep] cupboard?

It's a little kitchen.

[Jack] It's not a [bleep] kitchen.

And it's not a [bleep] cupboard.

It's a doorway.

[Sharon] No. It's a kettle boiling.

[Jack] You think it's a boiling kettle?

Burned the [bleep] poach,

- in the frying pan. - [Jack] Wait.

Did you just say a frying pan?

The what? God.

[sizzling]

[Sharon] And that ain't no [bleep] workshop.

It's a workshop...

[Ozzy speaking]

[Sharon] The kettle's on.

It's from a [bleep] kettle.

[Jack] Hmm. All this.

So much backstory from so little information.

Yeah.

- I mean, this... - Well, you... you asked.

This... You know, this is actually how the news

comes up with their stories. [laughs]

[suspenseful music playing]

- [Jack laughs] - [Ozzy] Come on.

[Jack] There's literally no information,

- so they make it all up. - [Ozzy] Oh, you know I...

- [Sharon] Yeah. It's true. - [laughs]

All right. So, um,

what do we wanna give this?

I'll give it a three.

- Five. - [Jack] A five? That's okay.

We're all entitled to our opinions.

You know what that reminds me of?

Remember in Ghostbusters,

when all the ghosts get released...

-[Sharon] Yes. Yes -[Jack] ...and they're all

like flying around the city

and like this weird, like...

- [Sharon laughs] - It looks like Ghostbusters.

Do we think that's just smoke being like

sucked out of a door or a window?

[Ozzy] Yeah.

It's in a [bleep] cupboard.

[Ozzy speaking]

It turns out that, they weren't cooking.

There wasn't an open flame anywhere.

- No kettle? - [Jack] There was no kettle.

If there was none of that going on, what was that?

[Sharon] One of those bong-y pipes.

[Jack] A bong... a bong pipe. Yeah.

I don't think they were doing bong rips.

Okay.

I mean they could have been doing some bong rips.

Are we talking like a... Like what kind of like a...

Like a gravity bong, or a zong

or like a Chong bong,

- like what are we? - [Sharon] I do not know

but it could be one of those whatever they are.

[Jack] Okay. Hear me out.

You know... You know when you, like, fart in a car

and you just roll the window down

and it just sucks it out the window?

[rock music playing]

[farts]

[Sharon] Oh, God, Jack.

[Jack] Good morning, Vietnam.

I've never seen smoke move like that except a fart.

[Jack laughs]

[rock music playing]

I just remember The Office whenever I hear Vietnam.

When, um, Michael Scott,

the main character, speaks in front of anyone.

He always just starts by yelling,

"Good morning, Vietnam."

Oh, I love that. I watch it every night.

- [Sharon] You do? - I watch it every night

before bed.

That's what I fall asleep to.

Trust me if you start watching it,

you will... You're gonna be like,

this is actually one of the greatest comedies ever.

[Ozzy] The [bleep] is that?

It's a bottle of vinegar.

[Jack] It went from 60,000 feet

down to one foot in one second.

- Wow. - [Jack] There are some people

that believe certain celebrities are immortal.

I'm gonna go through pictures of people

and you're gonna tell me who they are.

[Sharon] It's, um, what's-his-face?

[rock music playing]

[Ozzy laughs]

[rock music playing]

I much prefer your hairs long.

You like my hair long?

- [Sharon] Yeah. - [Ozzy] Love it.

[Jack] I didn't get the voice from you,

but I got that sweet hairline.

Yeah.

[laughing]

As I've stated to all my friends,

who are like in really good shape,

but have horrible hairlines,

I could always get a six-pack,

but they can't always get a hairline.

- [Sharon] That's right. - [laughs]

[rock music playing]

[Ozzy laughs]

Now this next clip is a good one.

Um, Bobby is a special police officer in DC

for the Department of the Treasury.

- He was... - Now, we should say, please,

that in England,

they do call policemen "Bobbies".

[whimsical music playing]

Yes.

Okay. So, uh, this video...

[Ozzy] If he's an alien, or...

- Hold on. I'm reading... - Bobby said.

- [Sharon] Go on. - All right.

He was driving to work...

- After smoking a big bong. - Hmm. I don't know

if he's a special police officer for the treasury.

In Vietnam.

In Vietnam, smoking weed.

- Hmm. - Um, so, he's driving.

That has a pet... There is a commemorative light

- over the Pentagon. - [Sharon] Right.

He stops and he films this.

The [bleep] is this [bleep]

[Jack] Look at that.

What am I looking at?

- A beam. - The beam.

But look at all the ball lightning.

Look at all the ball lightning everywhere.

Moths.

[Jack] Those are way too big to be moths.

[bleep] birds or something, innit?

Bubbles.

Seagulls is [bleep]

[Sharon] [bleep] seagulls.

Storks.

[Jack] Moths, bubbles, seagulls, storks?

What the [bleep] is wrong with you guys?

How about fairies?

[Jack] Well, that's a little more in line with the show.

[Ozzy] It's birds.

[Jack] That didn't last long.

[Ozzy] The [bleep] is that? It's above the Pentagon.

I would like to think, though, that he would know

what a bird looked like.

If you look closer, looks like wings are flopping.

- Flopping. - [Ozzy] See.

[laughs]

Fairies.

Birds.

The quote from the videographer.

All right.

Certainly not birds, not trash.

He's saying that it was very anomalous.

[Ozzy] Of course he's gonna say it's not birds.

Yeah. But why would he make it up?

I mean if I was an alien,

and I was like,

"Hey [bleep] I'm here." Like...

It's a [bleep] bird.

I'm choosing to believe

my truth, my truth,

is that that's an alien.

Well, my truth is that it's fairies

on the backs of birds.

- Smoking a bong from Vietnam. - [Jack sighs]

- Vietnam. - They're alien drones

observing us, waiting to let themselves

be known.

Okay.

[Jackie] All right. Woogie Boogie scale,

where you at?

I'll give it foive.

- [Jack] Foive? - [Sharon] Foive.

- Three. - [Jack] Three.

[Sharon] I'll give it foive.

[Jack] You guys are tough today.

Uh, okay. Uh, this next clip is of a UFO.

Some claim that it's a mothership

being protected by a fleet of smoke...

- Are you farting? - [Ozzy] No, no, no, no.

[Jack] Okay.

[laughs]

Go on then, bring it on.

You see, mothership here.

It's somebody blowing smoke.

- [Jack] Someone blowing smoke? - [laughs]

[Jack] It's a [bleep] mile in the sky.

What are you talking about?

And before we go any further,

that's not ball lightning

'cause there's no [bleep] clouds above it.

So don't even say it.

The [bleep] is that?

That's very peculiar.

- That is... - [Jack] Isn't that odd?

[Ozzy] Wow.

Took you long enough to catch on.

Where was this taken?

We don't know. Date unknown, location unknown.

Is it three or four

- or is it just one? - [Jack] Is it... Yes.

Is it like a partially cloaked one?

And those are just things you can see from it?

No, no. Daylight you'd see like a...

You'd see an outline.

It looks like three...

Ball lightnings.

Nah.

- That is a really odd... - That is quite

interesting actually.

[Jack] Now look. Now it goes off.

Look at that. Off into the cloud.

[Ozzy] That is very interesting.

Like what do you... What do you think

they are doing here? Do you think

they're just observing us?

And, like, conducting their own,

like, scientific research?

[Ozzy speaking]

[Jack] Hmm.

[Jack] Well, they had. Allegedly they have.

If you... If you believe the stories of Area 51,

- Area S4, Roswell, you know. - Yeah.

But they... But it seems...

It seems to be America more than anywhere else.

[Jack] Well, there's... Apparently Russia has had,

um, its own Roswell experience.

They call it Roswell.

- [Sharon] What? Roswell. - [Jack] They call it Roswell.

Mom, what would you put that on the Woogie Boogie?

Seven.

- [Jack] I'll take that. - [Ozzy] That's interesting.

- That's a six. - [Jack] That's a six?

Okay. I like that number.

What's your thought that now you actually have

the U.S. government saying,

"Hey, we're not saying they're aliens,

but there's this weird [bleep] happening.

And we don't know what the [bleep] it is."

There's some footage that I've seen,

and you look at it and you go,

that's [bleep] can't be a trick.

Yeah.

[Ozzy] That one from the cockpit,

uh, where you see the thing go and then you...

- [Jack] Mmm-hmm. - That's very odd.

[Jack] It is.

One of the pilots who recorded that footage

that you're talking about...

- You can't deny that... - [Jack] ...he said

it went from 60,000 feet

down to one foot above the ocean in one second.

- Wow. - Wow.

[Jack] It literally was there

and then up above them 60,000 feet.

That's faster than the speed of [bleep] light

- at that point. - [Ozzy] Wow.

Do you guys think that this could actually be...

We'll call them UAP,

Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon.

So it's not man-made.

It's not a naturally occurring thing.

Yes.

[applause]

Thank you, thank you. Really, thank you.

I humbly accept this UAP Award.

And I'd like to thank my loving mother

for being open-minded about UAP's.

Thank you. Thank you.

I consider this a bit of a victory

because you're saying that you think

it could be a UFO.

- Yes, I do. - Okay.

And you're saying that it's anomalous.

- Yes. - [Jack] Moving on.

Charlie Chaplin's The Circus,

woman is on a cell phone in this clip.

Well, what the [bleep]?

[Jack] Most of their electronics stopped working

when the team was directly above it.

What is this [bleep] thing?

[rock music playing]

[man laughs]

[rock music playing]

Listen.

If it was all great all the time,

my job wouldn't be necessary.

Most people would argue that my job

isn't necessary anyway.

But hey, someone wants to hire me.

[laughs]

Well, I'm hiring you, get this [bleep] thing

on the way.

[rock music playing]

[man laughs]

All right. Charlie Chaplin's The Circus,

woman is on a cell phone in this clip.

- Chaplin's The Circus? - What the [bleep]?

[Jack] Have you ever seen the Charlie Chaplin movie

- The Circus? - No.

[Jack] You guys, you, uh...

You didn't see it in the movie theater

when it came out in 1928?

[whimsical music playing]

All right. So one thing you may have missed

if you were in the movie theater

watching this in 1928.

It looks like a woman is talking on a cell phone

and some people believe that this is the existence

of a time traveler using some kind

of communication device.

And they happen to have been caught on this.

Oh, [bleep] off. Let's see.

[Jack] Oh, oh, oh. Okay.

Well tell me what this could have been.

[Sharon] Talking into her shoe.

[laughs]

[Jack] Look.

Got something up to her ear and she's talking.

- Where is she [bleep] talking? - [Jack] Look at that.

Holding up something to her ear

- and her mouth is moving. - Got the earache.

No, it's not a [bleep]

She's clearly got something in her... Look.

- Am I on the phone, Jack? - [Jack laughs] Maybe.

She could have been doing this.

But do you walk like this?

No, look at her hand. It's like this.

It's gripping something, holding it to her ear.

[Sharon] Give me a [bleep] break.

[Jack] Uh, but kind of going back

to what we were saying though,

do you think that this is an example

of time travel?

No, she's scratching her old head.

[laughs]

She ain't on no [bleep] cell phone.

Do you think that is a real zebra?

[laughs]

[Jack laughs]

If you could travel in time, would you go forward or back?

- [Ozzy] Back. - Go back.

[Jack] Yeah? Where would you go?

[Sharon] Depending if I was having a good time.

How far would you go back?

Um...

About a hundred years.

I'd go back to Edwardian times.

[Jack] Oh, but it would just smell like [bleep] everywhere.

[Sharon] Not if you've got some money.

They never had sewer-- Proper plumbing.

I mean, they did have plumbing.

[Ozzy] Did you know they used to have

these big potpourri jars

everywhere around the houses?

[Jack] Yeah, because everyone stank.

You guys are clean freaks.

Why the Edwardian times?

I love the way they dressed.

[Jack] Mom, you like wearing like comfortable clothes.

What about female attire in Edwardian days

screams comfort?

[piano music playing]

[Ozzy] What, did they dress like idiots?

- [Jack] Yes. - [Sharon laughs]

You would have had a big bow like this

- at your neck... - [Jack] And a big hat.

big, big collar up here.

Well, you know, I mean,

wonder why they dressed...

And a cane and leggings.

Mmm-hmm. Tailcoats.

I mean, I wonder why they dressed like that.

- Looks like [bleep] idiots. - [Jack] I know.

Like, who'd have ever thought...

[Ozzy] It must have taken them all morning

to get dressed.

Yeah. I'd go back to the 1940s.

- I'd like to check that out. - [Ozzy] Mmm-hmm.

I would like to check out like every decade

of the century

- of like of the 20th century. - Yeah.

[Jack] So I'd like go to like 1910,

1920, 1930, 1940,

like I would go and do that.

I definitely wouldn't wanna go forward.

[Jack] In your guys' lifespan,

what has been your favorite decade?

'80s.

Was that because of cocaine?

No, it... it...

Oh, I would just go with that coke in the '70s.

- [Sharon laughs] - [Jack] Um, and so,

what about the '80s did you love so much?

Cocaine.

[laughter]

What was your favorite decade?

[Sharon] It'd have to be the '80s

because I married your dad

and had three gorgeous children.

[Ozzy] Well, two are gorgeous.

But there was one male that was a pain in the ass.

[Sharon] Mmm-hmm.

I knew it. I knew it was true.

It's all right.

All right. What would you Woogie Boogie Scale me

- on this one? - A half.

- [Jack] A half a point? - A half a point.

That's for the [bleep] horse.

- [horse neighs] - Oh, for [bleep] sake.

What would you give it?

- A one. - [Jack] One.

That's for the saddle.

[Jack laughs] Okay. So this one...

[Ozzy] Where are you getting these from?

[Jack] The internet. Everything on the internet

- is true. - [bleep] hell.

- [Jack] Moving on. - [Sharon] Yeah.

[Jack] Okay. So there are some people

that believe certain celebrities are immortal.

- Right. - [Jack] I'm gonna go through

pictures of people and you're gonna tell me...

- Who they are. - who they are.

[man] Let's play everyone's favorite game,

Celebrity Time Traveler.

All right. This first clip,

the date of it is in the 1920s,

who does it look like?

[suspenseful music playing]

[Jack] Who's that?

It's, um, what's-his-face?

Johnny Depp.

- [bell dinging] - [Jack] That one.

Yes, you got that one correct.

[Sharon] Oh, we are good at this.

[laughter]

[Jack] All right. This next one

is from an unknown period

and who does it look like?

[suspenseful music playing]

Oh, that is, um...

No. It's, uh...

Oh, God.

What was his catchphrase from the movie?

Oh, he won an Oscar for, uh...

being thin and having aids.

- Forrest Gump. - [Sharon] No,

he's not [bleep] Forrest Gump.

It's, um, what's-his-face?

- [man] Matthew... - Oh, that's him, man.

Matthew...

- What's-his-face? - [Jack] McConaughey.

- [bell dinging] - [Jack] Matthew McConaughey.

- [Sharon] Yeah. - [Jack] Yeah. All right,

all right, all right.

See, that's [bleep] weird.

[Sharon] That's it, yeah.

[Jack] That looks like him.

[Sharon] So much so.

[Jack] Next one, who does it look like?

[suspenseful music playing]

- [Jack] Who's that? - Matthew McConaughey's mom.

- [buzzer buzzes] - [Jack laughs]

Who's that? No?

Anything?

No.

[Jack] Queen Latifah?

- [Ozzy] No. - [Sharon] Ooh,

a little bit, yeah.

Okay. This one.

[suspenseful music playing]

Oh, the guy who does the late night chat show.

Jamie Hetfield.

He does a chat show.

He used to be on SNL.

- Jimmy Fallon. - [Sharon] Yeah.

[Jack] So this man is actually

a Turkish communist revolutionary.

He was killed in an ambush by Turkish forces

in 1972.

Jimmy was born in 1974.

Is Jimmy Fallon immortal?

- Nah. - [Jack] Did he move to America

at that point and adopt this American persona?

[Ozzy] Go on, next.

All right. How about, uh, this one?

Who does that look like?

Hmm, it's, um...

- Robert De Niro. - Robert De Niro.

- [buzzer dinging] - [Jack] Yup.

- It's pretty crazy, right? - [Sharon] Mmm-hmm.

[Jack] Okay.

Who is this guy right here?

Father Christmas.

- [Jack] No. - Big nose.

[Jack] No. Who does that look like?

- [Sharon] Al Pacino. - [Jack] No, another Italian.

- Stallone. - [Sharon] Oh, it does.

[Jack] Doesn't that look like Stallone?

- [Jack] Ain't that crazy? - [Sharon] Even got the mouth.

-[Jack] Yeah. -[Sharon] And the other [bleep]

look at him with the googly eyes,

he looks like a [bleep] fish.

[laughter]

[Jack] Okay. This photo

is titled "Harlem Loiterers"

and it was taken in 1939.

Who does this gentleman look like?

Oh, he's married to Beyonce.

- [Jack] Jay-Z? - Yup.

- [buzzer dinging] - [Jack] Yup.

[Sharon] Oh, see? We got this down.

[Jack] Crazy, right?

Um, all right. Now, this last photo,

the name of the woman is Millicent Fawcett

born 1847, died 1929.

She was an English feminist.

Let's check it out.

[Ozzy] An old [bleep] bat.

[Jack] Who's that?

[Sharon] I don't know.

- Madonna? - [buzzer buzzes]

- No. - Who is it?

They say it looks like you.

- [buzzer dinging] - Oh, ridiculous, ridiculous.

[Jack] The internet says it looks like you.

[laughs]

Dad, are you immortal?

Oh, that's ridiculous.

- What a load of [bleep] - Yeah.

[Jack laughs]

[Sharon] How dare they?

How dare they say that?

[Jack laughs]

[Sharon] Well, sorry, missus, you ain't my husband.

- Go on. - [laughs] All right.

Woogie Boogie?

- Eight. - Eight.

- For the novelty. - [Jack] All right.

For the novelty, eight.

For the hard work?

- That's our Celebrity the... - Look alikeys.

[Jack] Time Travel, doppelganger,

whatever you wanna call it.

- It's perfect. It's... - [Jack] Like a perfect circle.

Like that's literally [bleep] impossible to do.

- [Sharon] Gorgeous. - That's unbelievable.

This one is actually one of my favorites.

- Look at that. - Is it made of stone?

What is it made of?

[Jack] I can't figure out what this is.

[man laughing]

[upbeat music playing]

[producer speaking]

- Yes. - [bleep], yes.

So, wait, you think there's a nefarious like

you know how they say like, uh...

Harvey Weinstein was in a satanic sex cult,

- like that kind of [bleep] - No, no, no, no,

I think that Harvey one was just a [bleep] pervert.

[Jack] Because my thing is you know how they think

there's a theory that like the Hollywood elite

are in these satanic sex cults?

- Nah. - If they were,

I really feel like they would have at least

invited you at one point.

Well, you don't know.

[Jack] Oh. Hmm.

Got like a secret sign, where you gotta go...

[Jack] Hmm. The plot thickens.

[producer speaking]

- Yes. - [Ozzy] We went to Stonehenge,

Jack and I.

And them stones are pretty [bleep] heavy

and the one other thing was interesting was

I think the stones were bought from...

- Wales. - Wales,

- a hundred miles away. - Yeah.

In today's technology.

- You'd take a [bleep] good... - [Jack] Yeah. Like...

thing to move the [bleep] thing.

- [Sharon] Aliens. - [producer speaking]

- In where? - Mount Rushmore. We've been...

- Yes. - Yes. I believe there is.

[dramatic music playing]

It's a door.

How [bleep] weird is that?

That looks just pretty cool.

- Let's give it a look. - Right.

I'm ready for this.

And off we go.

[dramatic music playing]

- Yes. - [Sharon] No,

- that went down well. - [Jack] Yeah.

[man laughing]

Okay. So this next clip, uh,

it's one of your favorites, Dad.

Bizarre crop circles appear in German field.

How would you pronounce that?

Hi... Hei...

Heichyacht...

- Heichel? - [laughs]

- No. - [gibberish]

- [Jack] Heichweil. - It's nam. It's nam.

All right. It's in...

- It's in Germany. - [laughs]

[dramatic music playing]

[Jack] Look at that crop circle.

[Ozzy] I mean, these crop circles,

when I... When they first came out I thought,

"It's people [bleep] around."

But the... It's... It's...

[Jack] Look at that [bleep] thing.

- That's gorgeous. - That's unbelievable.

- It's perfect as well. - [Jack] Mmm-hmm.

Like how do you fake that?

A [bleep] big board.

[Jack laughs]

[Jack] Even with a board like...

- It's perfect, it's... - [Jack] It's a perfect circle,

like that's literally [bleep] impossible to do.

[Ozzy] Yeah. Yeah.

Them crop circles are very interesting things.

[Sharon] So it just appeared?

- [Jack] Yes. - [engine reeving]

[Jack] So here's, um, something interesting

about this clip.

Not only is the circle

and all the geometric shapes in it

- absolutely perfect. - [Sharon] Mmm-hmm.

[Jack] But another crop circle

appeared in the exact same place

six years earlier.

- And it just reappeared. - [Sharon] Same pattern?

[Jack] Only minor differences.

Apparently aliens that the government

has their space ships.

They come from a star system called Zeta Reticuli.

You can see it in the Southern hemisphere.

It's a binary star,

apparently that's the star system that they're from.

- [Sharon laughs] - [Jack] But you know,

like you know, the light balls right?

What if those are actually balls of light?

Well, they can travel the speed of light,

if it's a ball of light.

If it's some kind of weird technology.

[Ozzy speaking]

[Jack] Yeah. They have that. Some kind of weird...

I don't even [bleep] know.

The other thing is though

what if what we're being visited

by aren't actually...

- Androids. - [Jack] Yeah.

They're like... They're like a biomechanical android.

[Ozzy speaking]

[Jack] Don't you think it's cool though that like,

we have this technology, like the Internet

and all we do with it is talk [bleep] to each other?

- Yeah. - [Jack laughs]

[Jack] All right. So, um, what do we want to give this?

- A nine. - I'll give that nine.

- [Jack] A nine. - A nine.

- Thank God. - Noine. Noine.

Thank God. We got a nine.

The content is better.

[Jack] Oh. Um, so you guys know

what a crop circle is, do you guys know

- what crop dusting is? - What's a crop duster?

[Jack] You don't know what crop dusting is?

- [Sharon] Oh. Here we go. - [Jack] Crop dusting

is when you're like walking into a room

and you just fart and just keep walking

through the room and you just crop dust.

[guitar music playing]

[Ozzy] God's sake, kiddo.

[Jack] Captain Jack, you are clear for takeoff.

- [farts] - [Sharon] What the [bleep].

[Ozzy] Oh God. No.

[guitar music playing]

Oh. For [bleep] sake.

Let's see the next one. Come on.

[Jack] This is another From the Vault segment.

[man] From the Vault.

[laughs]

Um, so the From the Vault is a...

a thing we do where we like to, uh,

show old, classic UFO

or ghost evidence.

- Okay. - [Jack] So it's older,

not so recent and this one...

- An oldie but a goodie. - [Ozzy] That's fine.

This is Edwards Air Force Base

in California 1957.

[ominous music playing]

[Ozzy] Oh. That plane looks pretty cool.

[Jack] Cool looking plane and then look at

the weird anomalous disc behind it.

It shows an alleged UFO following a B-47 jet.

Do you guys see the UFO?

Yes. I can [bleep] see it,

but why is it like that?

- Is that it? - [Jack] Yeah. That's all...

I mean, we obviously have a random photo.

Oh.

[Jack] What do you think it is?

[Sharon] It's a [bleep] flying saucer

from a sweet shop.

They used to sell them in big jars.

- [laughs] - Do you remember?

- Full of [indistinct] - [Sharon] Yeah.

I'll have a flying Saucer please.

[Ozzy] They used to be two a penny.

- [Sharon] Yeah. Two a penny. - [Jack] Oh my God.

- Two? - After school.

[Jack] Wow. So one would be half a penny.

Yeah, a ha' penny.

You could have half of one of them

for a farthing.

But what is the equivalent currency of a farthing?

- There isn't. There isn't. - Nothing. There isn't one.

[Jack] Well so is it less than a penny?

- Yes. - And the new penny is two

and a half old pennies.

What would we Woogie Boogie

if I even should ask for that photo?

[Sharon] Oh. For that photo, well Daddy liked the plane.

But I like the aeroplane.

- So that's a three. - [Ozzy] Three.

- So a three? - [Ozzy] Yeah.

It would've been better if there was a fairy inside.

- If they're from 'Nam. - Fairy and a dolphin

and a, uh, mermaid.

[bleep] my life. Moving on.

So this guy begins filming

- all this weird [bleep] - Yeah.

It just gets weirder and weirder

with every tape.

That looks pretty cool.

[Jack] What is this [bleep] thing?

Do you think it could be alien?

Well, if it's been there since the Ice Age,

that's pretty impressive.

That could be an alien thing.

[man laughing]

[man laughing]

All right. So this next clip, um, went viral.

It had like 1.2 million likes,

uh, it was kind of a big deal,

doing its rounds on social media.

So we'll start this one off.

Alexa has been doing some weird things lately...

- Who? - This, uh, Alexa the...

Who the [bleep] Alexa?

[Jack] The thing you talk to in your house

owned by Amazon, you ask it to do things as well.

- Oh. Yeah. Yeah. - [Jack] Everyone thinks that,

you know, big tech is spying

and, you know, all this weird [bleep]

[Jack] It's true.

So this guy begins filming all this weird [bleep]

in his apartment in West Hollywood.

And there's four parts to this

and it just gets weirder and weirder with every tape.

Let's check it out.

[Alexa laughs]

- [man] What the [bleep]? - [Jack] So there's Alexa,

it just went off in the middle of the night

without a warning.

This happened to him a few nights in a row.

He tried to get it on camera and eventually did.

Watch this.

[Alexa speaking]

[Ozzy] Wow.

[man] Hey.

[Alexa speaking]

- [man] [bleep]. - [Alexa speaking]

[door creaks open]

What the [bleep] is that?

- Weird right? - Mmm-hmm.

[Alexa speaking]

If I... If I had gotten that thing,

I'd just be [bleep] out of that room.

- [Jack] Yup. - [Ozzy] Do you know what I reckon,

this artificial intelligence

is gonna be the downfall of us.

[Jack] Well that's what that is.

It's the start of it, you know,

and that's... And there you're being...

apparently they're spying on you

and it's all... it's all weird [bleep] like...

Who's going hee-hee-hee-hee?

That's what it's doing.

The Alexa is saying all this [bleep] to him.

[dog panting]

[Jack] So this is the next one.

Same house, same guy,

and he hears something in the basement.

[ping pong ball dropping]

[Jack] Hearing some [bleep] move around downstairs.

[door slams close]

That sounds like a table tennis ball.

[ominous music playing]

[Sharon] Oh. He's doing a Blair Witch.

[door squeaks open]

[Jack] Did you see that? Watch it again.

The door opens on its own

just before his hands get there.

[ominous music playing]

- [Jack] What do we think? - That was pro...

- That wasn't real. - You don't think this is real?

- It's a phony. - No. He's setting us up.

[Jack] All right. We got two more clips.

Stay with me.

Watch that door in the upper left.

[ominous music playing]

- Somebody... - What the [bleep] was that?

[Jack] What do you mean "What the [bleep] was that"

the door opened on its own.

And if it wasn't enough, watch this.

Look at the shadow move across the couch.

[ominous music playing]

It's... [bleep], it's a shadow.

[Jack] From where though?

The sun could be moving in its...

- [Jack] What? - I'm not impressed with that.

No. Doesn't end there.

It continues to get weirder.

[dog barking]

[Jack] This is the clip that really has me like

"What the [bleep] did I just hear?"

[clattering]

[ominous music playing]

[man] Hello?

[footsteps approaching]

[man] Oh my God.

[Jack] He panicked. Stopped recording.

But those were footsteps that came running up

the stairs and no one was there.

Listen again.

[ominous music playing]

[footsteps approaching]

- [man] Oh my God. - [dog yelps]

I think they're bored

and they're just winding us up.

- [Jack] [bleep] around. - [Ozzy] Almo... Yeah.

- Bull[bleep] - Okay.

- Blair Witch. Go on. - [Jack] Where do we put this

on the Woogie Boogie?

Zero.

- [Jack] Hmm. - Two for effort.

- [man] Oh my God. - [dog yelps]

Well, once again,

this might be one of those cases of, uh,

you guys are smarter than the internet,

if they can fool the web, can't fool you.

- [Sharon] Oh. - If this is true

and this is real

I will come and do an episode

at your house.

And I'll take care of your dog.

You're a psycho.

Okay.

[Jack] All right. I got a good one for you guys.

It's a really fascinating story.

- Look at that. - [Ozzy] Wow.

[Jack] The [bleep] is that?

That's pretty cool.

[man laughing]

[upbeat music playing]

[producer speaking]

- It's complicated. - Complicated.

He's gotta be a pretty good shot.

[bleep] yeah. And a moving target.

- [Sharon] Yes. - I don't believe

there's any gold in Fort Knox.

[Jack] Um, yeah. I do.

I actually believe there's probably gold in Fort Knox.

- [Ozzy] So any more questions? - [man] Nope. That is it.

[man laughing]

All right. I got a good one for you guys.

This one is actually one of my favorites, um,

I've known about this for a few years now.

It's a really fascinating story.

Five years ago, a sunken UFO

known as the "Baltic Sea Anomaly"

believed to be of alien origin

was found in the Baltic Sea.

It still baffles scientists today.

- Yes. - I've seen that.

It's called a plug.

Wait till you see this. Dad's seen it.

That's a real photo of it. Look at that.

- That looks pretty cool. - [Jack] Isn't that weird?

[Sharon] What's it made of?

It's made of stone.

- What is it, like a... - [Jack] Here.

This is what I know. It was found in 2011.

Three hundred feet deep

and is about 200 feet wide

and 26 feet in height.

- [Ozzy] Wow. - Yeah.

Scientists went back after the initial discovery.

With high tech equipment they took samples of it

and two things really stood out to me.

[suspenseful music playing]

[Jack] A credible professor from Stockholm University

estimates it was formed during the Ice Age.

And another scientist who studied the samples,

believed that it is not a geological formation.

Suggesting it is not from nature.

[Ozzy] It can't be a geological formation it...

[Jack] Yeah. I... For me I'm like "A'ight...

I don't know what the [bleep] that is."

Here's something that's really weird about it.

There's skid marks in the sea floor.

Using side scan sonar equipment

they determined that there were drag marks behind it.

Either dragged during an attempt

or recovery mission or it was drag marks

from the initial crash.

Um, the team also noted that most of their electronics,

including satellite phones stopped working

when the team was directly above it.

Yeah. It's very odd, this thing.

[Ozzy] I call it a U...

- Er. Oh. Um... - [Ozzy] USO.

- Underwater, uh... - USOs.

[Jack] Yeah. So you think this could be a USO

which is an unidentified submersible object?

[Ozzy] Oh yeah. That's pretty cool.

[Jack] That's a cool one right?

- [Sharon] Mmm-hmm. It is. - And like when you look

it up online there's all sorts of [bleep]

you're just like "What is this [bleep] thing?"

So you think it could be alien?

[Ozzy] Uh, that could be alien thing.

And if it's been there since the Ice age,

that's pretty impressive. It looks might be...

It looks some piece of machinery.

It didn't look like a natural thing.

- Yeah. - No, it's not a natural

rock formation is it?

No. When they scan it, you see it looks like it

a gouged out a huge trench in the ocean

- and then landed at... - So it must've crashed?

[Jack] Yeah. They think it could've just hit.

And because the water would've been lower

before the Ice Age,

there would've been less water.

- [Ozzy] How do you know? - Well, cause...

isn't that the whole thing, is that the water levels

are lower during the Ice Age?

Because all the water turns to ice?

- Well, I don't know. - No, the water's lower

during the Ice Age. Yeah. Yeah.

Cause when the ice melted the seas rose.

- [Ozzy] Okay. - [Jack] Well, that is it...

- We're done? - Well, what would you...

What would you wanna Woogie Boogie this then?

- Oh that? That's a ten. - I'll give it a ten.

- A ten? - Yeah, that's a ten.

[Jack] Ten for you. Ten for you.

Ten for that you must be mad.

I'll take a ten.

I will end on a ten.

After all that [bleep]

I turned you guys into possible believers

of the Baltic Sea Anomaly I guess.

- [Sharon] Yes, you did. - [Ozzy] That's very pretty

compelling now. Because it did looks like

something what must be made not natural occurring.

Would you go down in a submarine

- to check it out? - [Ozzy] Yeah. No.

It's only 300 feet. It's not that far down.

- I wouldn't go down. - Three hundred feet.

We were in this submarine in [bleep] Hawaii,

and that was freaking me out as well.

All right. Well, uh, until next time.

- All right. - Yay.

[Sharon] Yay. You did it Jack.

We got a ten.

Some of it was crap, but that was a great one.

[Jack] Oh. All right. I'll take it.

They've gotta leap years ahead of us.

That's very odd.

Wow, look at that.

[man] All aboard the crazy train.

- [Sharon] Oh. Here we go. - [Jack] We're going back

to the Edwardian time.

It would just smell like [bleep] everywhere.

- Why did they dress like... - Barbie.

- idiots? - Yes.

It's, um, what's-his-face?

Holy [bleep]! It's Edwardian us.

Huh? Mom's the Queen?

- Dad, let's get out of here. - Oh God, no.

Oh. That's ridiculous.

Oh. For [bleep] sake.