Original subtitles

- Hi Osborn's.

Welcome to episode two. Hello.

Of season two of the Osbournes. Yeah.

- Yeah. 2 0 2. - I will tell you,

last night watching this episode, I sure was sobbing,

so that'll be a fun time.

Oh no. We'll keep it fun.

I've been kind of dreading this part.

Oh, my boyfriend came into the room

and was like, are you okay?

I was like, like fully even stop. Oh, they crying.

I'm, I'm an easy cry though.

- Ah, okay. - Are you an easy cry?

- No. - Oh, not. You're a stone cold.

- You're not an easy crier. - Shit.

- You're the wobbler. Fuck.

You know, you could cry like that.

- No things that - You can cry like a fucking,

- But you make it sound like I'm

performative with my teammates.

- No. What, when, when you wanna turn the

tears on, they can't call.

- But they don't come naturally very easily. No.

Like when I watch sad stuff, I don't always cry.

- Oh really? Yeah. I have, do I immediately.

Do you, are you an easy cry? Yeah. Yeah. Easy cry.

Easy laugh. That's what we love about you.

- I didn't used to be, but I am now. You are? Yeah. Oh yeah.

I couldn't hear You're blubbering lately. Not blub.

Not like what gets you? I like, I don't know.

Yeah. I don't know. But I, I can, yeah, I can.

- Ooh, maybe we'll see some today.

- I don't about that. - Oh, jack tears.

If I see a commercial for like animal rescues

and things like that, I'm just gone.

Totally gone.

- Alright, let's get into it.

- Do you feel sorry for this puppy that's gonna die?

Hello? Oh,

- Sharon.

Hello Sharon.

Hello, Sharon. Hello.

- He, he predates the Verizon guy.

Yeah. Can you hear me now?

- Can somebody get Sharon for me?

- Can you hear me now? - Hello?

- God, I missed tour buses.

- Yes. Hi. I do not. Thank you. Really?

- Hello? I'm Hello. - Yeah.

- Hello. Crazy.

- Now it's the phones first.

It's a remote and now it's the phones.

- Well, this phone's back then sucked.

- Yeah, it's true. They were so hit

- Or Miss Ozzie.

How, but didn't you love the power that you had in the palm

of your hand when you could just flip it shut?

- Oh, it was so exciting. And the T nine texting. Yeah.

I mean, my thumb was like ripped, like,

- Oh yeah.

Yeah. Diesel thumbs

- Oz Ozzie.

How, how often did you call from the road?

All the time. All day long.

- But the crazy thing is he only got a cell phone

10, 11 years ago.

- Yeah. So - He was always borrowing other people's phones.

- Yeah. - And it was a, it was, it was.

When you guys moved back to Beverly Hills,

did he get a phone when you were up on Crescent?

- Yeah. It was a big deal when dad got a phone.

- Yeah. I got a text message saying,

it's your dad. And I'm like,

- No, it's - Not fuck off.

I'm like, who the fuck is texting me?

Being like, it's your dad. And I and I, and I called him.

I was like, did dad get a, he's like, oh yeah.

And you were just texting everyone.

- Did you get homesick on the road

when she didn't come with you?

- Yes and no. When it was going.

It's a hard life on the road.

- Yeah. - You gotta pack, check in, check out, get

to the four in the morning. But

- You're kind of used to that - Though.

That is a lot of my life. But on a much smaller level,

- Comedy comedian are worse.

- Well, worse and better.

We don't have loden, so it's just me.

- Accommodation is not great.

- Oh, it's trash. Ozzy. Would you say it's lonely for you?

No, but I don't really get lonely.

- Do you? - It's kind of a problem in my relationships.

- Do they still have like the houses? I don't It like the

- Condos.

- Yeah, like the residential houses

- Sometimes.

Yeah. I'm staying in one next month.

That's, oh, it's, it's pretty good.

But yeah, those are those pla places where they say like,

don't use the lotion

because someone's coming in it or whatever.

Oh yeah. Well, comedians are disgusting.

- Yeah. - So anytime I follow a male headliner in the condo

out, I get to You'll wary of everything. Extra cleaning.

- Yeah. - Yeah. I don't eat mayo.

Hey, this isn't about me. This is about the house.

Lauren, I I love this episode though

because you, you're at the Malibu house a lot

and you seem to be very like relaxed and happy

- There.

We're gonna go back to the other house

and we are just keeping this as like,

we wanna have quiet time.

- Dad's on tour just doing ours best.

Kelly's recording our album in New York. Aw.

And I'm on vacation.

A friend of mine bought me a surfboard for a gift

and so I just went from there.

I hate carrying this people. That was a great surfboard.

Hey Brandon. Hey guys. Brandon Boyd from Incubus.

- It's getting better. Like right now it is

that I got outta the water set. Started

- Coming.

Brandon Boyd from Incubus. See you later of in Cbus, Spain.

- Very hot. Wow. No. Is he as nice as he seems?

- Yes. Oh, he is the nicest guy ever. He's city,

- Right? Yes. He

- Really nicest guy.

- Do you still surf Jack?

- I, I haven't in about a year,

but I went through a phase a few years back

where I was going like two or three times a week.

- Nice. Yeah. Better. Sharon, - Tell me

- About this house.

We rented it while I was sick, so I had a place to go to

where it was quiet. Oh,

- That's lovely.

- Yeah. Who were some of your neighbors there? You say?

One we bought. That's not the one we bought. No,

- Lou Adler was right next door to us.

- Oh sure. - Who else was there on that beach?

It was a few years later. They bought a house.

- Do that again on that beach. What darling,

would you live on the beach again?

- Yes. I wouldn't, - I would,

- I just don't want people walking out in front of my house.

- Well, is this part of the beach private?

'cause some chunks of Malibu you can't, at

that time it was, unless you swim there.

- Yeah, - Yeah, yeah,

- Yeah.

This was at this time. It could be. Yeah.

But people, I mean, it, it was actually not

that bad when we were there.

- People - Always get in now.

- Yeah. - Well you just have to keep walking. Yeah.

Like I, I did it yesterday.

- Yeah. - It was not on purpose, but

- Yeah.

- Also 'cause people Will

- You go next door to Ryan O'Neill?

Oh yeah. Yeah.

- Let's get to the - See some Malibu dreams.

- Yeah. - Well I never go to the doctor ever.

And Ozzy was just pleading with me to go to

- The doctor, like the s smokey eyeshadow.

- God, do you swear?

And he was like a Chinese water torture on me.

And the blood test came back

that my blood count was very low

and I must be bleeding from somewhere.

And then they had to go in and do some more testing

and then they found out that it was

cancer in my colon somehow.

I don't know why, but I just kind of knew not

that it was gonna be where it is.

Haa, I can live with it.

It's like, oh Sharon, how's your asshole doing today?

It's so much better. Thank you.

- I don't know. P shell wearing Malibu bra

- Kid.

How, how long did you wait to go to the doctor?

I mean, thank God for Ozzy bugging you.

- I'd had it a while

'cause it had gone, it wasn't,

it was stage three. The doctor

- Look you, your wife's bleeding somewhere.

She has to go from Ted. I'm telling you. Get a colonoscopy.

I had a colonoscopy

and I said, so you've gotta go and do it.

Shit. Oh, I don't know. I fucking get up your fucking cold.

- But you felt at some point that you were off then

and you just were, did you not go

'cause you didn't wanna hear it?

Just my mom's always like, I'd rather not know.

- Yeah. And the thing is you always think, oh,

there's nothing wrong with me.

I'm just tired. I'm just doing this.

That's why I'm so tired. And 'cause I went for a blunt

- And say the blood work.

- Yeah. 'cause I was so terribly anemic.

And that's why you get tired.

- So you got, you have to tell her to go. Something's wrong.

She, something's really wrong.

- I'm glad you did what? - God can't come back

fucking crazy.

- Well, I guess there's only one question. Sharon.

How's your asshole today? It's so good. Thank you so much.

I'm so happy to hear that. It's very happy.

And there's so much going on at this time too,

that it stands to reason you be like, oh, I'm stressed.

Or you know, I haven't been eating right or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's see some of the stuff that was going on.

And also I just, I feel like in this episode there's like

more than one Melinda.

- I remember - Like she's everywhere. Everywhere.

She's always present.

- I remember the first go out. Sharon got to hear about it.

- Fuck you. Hell, it was horrible.

- Yeah. We were all in New York.

- She, I said, the woman, the girl should have

phoned me up in the morning.

She says she Sharon's got cancer.

I'd got on and next plane to New York.

She, she's phone Sharon. Well your cancer.

- No, she left a message at the office

with the news on the message. Who

- Was it?

What doctor was that?

- I don't remember his name. And then, oh girl.

The accountant called me in our office, called me

and said, oh, the doctor called with your results

and you've got cancer. Oh my God.

- So you knew before Sharon?

- No, no. Ozzy was saying that he should have called Ozzy.

- I was sitting in the house and I was like, what?

- Yeah. Oh, it's always such a shock. Yeah.

But to leave it on answering a message, it's like fucking

- Sick.

Hey, it's, you know what's up.

It's, I always, it's Lisa from accounting.

Just thought I'd let you know you've got cancer.

Give me a call back. Love to chat. Bye.

- Did you ask, I always thought that I,

- I only I find you. Did you tell me you got,

- Yeah, I called you right away.

- Yeah. - What were you gonna say?

Kelly thought, I always thought that

the reason the accountant was the first to know was

because they were the only other person

that had the right to talk to your

- Daughter.

Now she should have found me straight away.

Kelly also highly illegal to share that information.

- Yeah. Shouldn't - Some sort of

HIPAA violation shouldn't me.

- Yeah. Shouldn't The doctor - Found me. Me. Of course.

Of course. Because he was your doctor too.

- Fuck you. Well I hope they see this. Okay, bitch.

- Yeah. Fucking hipaa. What?

- So, but because so much is going on too, you're doing some

of these doctor's appointments on your own,

but with the cameras, which has gotta be bizarre.

- Yeah. - But at no point did you tell MTV like,

I don't want this a part of the show.

It it, we went

- Off mom for a little - Bit.

- Yeah. When - Mom got really sick, the people from them,

he says, look, you want us to break down?

And I, I said, don't ask me.

I said, I don't what she wants to do

because I to fucking end.

- Yeah. - And she says, no, let's carry on.

It's have my mind off it.

- Yeah. We're gonna see you at the doctor with the cameras.

I feel safe in. And you're

- In New York. Hello.

- Hello. Hi - Mommy.

How's it flowing down there by the beach?

Mom, your head is, are you feeling all right? I feel fine.

That dark color is someone there with you?

I booted them all out. Do they put you to sleep?

- They give you a pill and the pain goes away.

I'm not frightened. I'm not any of that.

- I love you fucking hate Jack.

If your mother was going

to have something implanted in her fucking

chest, would you be there?

- Yeah, - Exactly.

- We are doing our own version of vr.

- So this is your first, first verse, right?

- Just like a virgin. Be gentle Gabriel. I'm

- Gonna be very gentle.

- She's very shy. She's

- Very shy.

Lemme see your four please.

- You just want me to take my top off?

I sussed you out already.

- Gabriel, just get my,

- You don't wanna see anymore shit.

Maybe later. Okay.

I'm just watching this cake being made on tv.

- Yeah. We have the Bluetooth for you to

- Watch. What the fuck is that?

- It's Kate. Kate, you don't have any questions?

I Is this chemo happening right here?

Or is this what is happening here?

- They put the port in. Yeah, the port cast.

When I have, let's just piss

- Fucking duck.

- No, no. I You could,

I don't think they're putting the port in here. Yes,

- They, no, this - Is

- Your chemo isn't gonna go through the chemo, so fine.

I'll get through it. Everybody's just gotta get back to

what they usually do and that's it.

You know, these things in life are never planned.

And you know, just when you think it's going so good,

there's a little bump in the,

- You got given away, you know, you like

to catch it too much.

- Do you always kiss your doctors on the lips?

Sharon, do you know she was flirting with these doctors?

- No. - Showing off your tits.

I mean, I thought when you were saying

that she was getting something implanted

into that was the pork.

That's what I thought that, but this was a treatment day.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. And who's with you?

That was my assistant at the time,

who's still very good friends with us

and her husband works for us too.

- Nice. Yeah.

Well I love your just a always ability to laugh

through this stuff and be silly during such a scary time.

It's just so charming.

Even though the doctor seems a little embarrassed.

- Yeah. I just, I can't believe they let that be filmed.

You can't bring a camera into any medical facility anymore

- Really.

Even if it's someone's private practice and they sign off,

- It's like such a crazy, like lawyers and everything.

- Interesting. - Yeah.

And but it wasn't, that was like the Cedar

of Sinai Cancer Clinic. Like

- Yeah.

- I don't know. - How Is it a good distraction

to have them in there and keep filming or?

- Yeah, and the thing was, I thought to myself, you know,

the kids were so terrified and Aussie

and I, I just, you know, was

so determined to get through it.

And I thought it would be good for other people

that had cancer to show them not to be frightened.

And you know, you, it's not a death sentence necessarily.

- It's something that you, if you get diagnosed, it's,

it's not the worst diagnosed it could have.

But you got like a, a 50 50 chance

- Better than that now - If you catch it early enough. You

- Were you, did you catch it early?

- No, I was stage three out of four.

- Mm. - 'cause it had gone into my lymph node. Remember

- You wouldn't go to the fucking dog's house

- While you're still here.

Yes. So that's good. And where were you living in New York?

Are you living in a hotel?

I am living in a hotel for a couple months. I was

- Living in Trump Towers in Lovely, right In

- Nothing but the best.

The best tower. The best, best hotel to live in.

- But beautiful. - Can you say McRib as Trump? She did,

- No, they were the best.

McRib,

- McRib, - Merck rib.

- And so Melinda was back and forth with you and then coming

- Back here?

- Yeah. Yeah. - But for the most part she was with you

- With me the whole time.

- Yeah. Yeah. She, 'cause she was, she

- Was my sister because you didn't wanna be alone.

Oh 'cause she was working as your assistant as well. Yeah.

- Yeah. Kelly. Or - Was it more comforting

to just have her there as

- Well?

Yeah, it was always like, and I was still really young.

Yeah. I don't think I was old enough to be by myself.

Was I technically

- No.

No you were 16. 17.

- 17. Yeah. So yeah. You still needed a

- Chap nanny.

A nanny. Melinda's gonna be here next week.

We should have her do some episodes with this. Yeah,

- That would be so fun.

She's gonna be here from Wednesday.

Yeah, I'd love to meet her. Do you?

But you can I'm sure tap into sort of

how worried you were at this time

and being far away like that. Oh my

- God.

It's horrible. Like I watch it

and it makes even like to this. Yeah. I

- Ate jacket.

- Even to this day, any

of this footage makes me wanna cry.

- And do you not remember a lot of it?

- No. I remember a lot of it.

- Yeah. When mom was sick. Hmm.

Maybe we'll get some tears from Kelly today.

Ooh, this is Michael. I'm Oprah. Barbara Walters.

Well thankfully there's some silly levity moments

with Jack at the beach.

- Oh, - This episode? No.

Is this where you break your elbow?

- I fear it could be

- Exercise one quick warmup. VAs and VV

- VAs and vvs.

And

- Do you remember everyone used to think

of Disney mom warming dad chat?

They did. Do you remember that

- Out to ladies man, he can make love like no one can.

He's what's called a real Don Juan.

You ought see him carry on. On Jack. Jack, Jack,

- Jack, Jack.

Look at those people guys I would surf with.

Surfing is definitely one of my new hobbies.

- We've never seen these guys before

- When?

Yeah. They were just like friends of mine from surfing.

Like we had, what we

- Have here is a pier.

It's been mocking us all day.

It's going, you can't jump off me. You can't jump off of me.

- You're not allowed to jump off that

- Here.

So we said, so peaceful out there.

Like nothing matters when you're in the water.

There's just no worry.

I mean the only thing you gotta worry about God

is just other people out there.

But once you know the way you know, it's once similar to my

- Yes - Sweet

physique at you, Jeff.

- Yes. - So are you hurting? What happened?

Taking you to the back Jack, what are we hurting right here?

Why don't we just hold it right there like that.

Sorry about that. Gives us a little sling for you.

Everybody pulled it off the, you jack

- Nicely.

So much for surfing. Yep. Is your mom gonna yell at us?

What happened was they played it like

I had just jumped in the water and broke my elbow.

- Yes they did. - What

what ended up happening was we'd ran down the pier

and this was before the Malibu pier reopened.

There was like gates. So we climbed over the fence.

We ran towards the building at the end,

which is like now a restaurant.

And I climbed up on the roof

and everyone was jumping off the roof and I slipped

and fell off the roof and hit the, the deck of the pier.

- So you damaged it before you fell in?

- Yes, before I jumped in. Yeah.

- Had you just gotten your braces off?

- Yes. - This your summer glow up?

- Yeah, - Yeah,

- Yeah.

This is, this is where I was like, you like, look

- Ladies.

- Yeah, - Check this out.

- I was - Full teeth.

- Just crushing it at life. Not

- Do you miss this time in your life ever?

- No. - Did you ever have serious relationships

or were you just like fucking around?

- Just fucking around? Yeah, it was,

yeah, it was. Yeah, it was just,

- Oh, did you remember these guys' names?

- I remember a couple of them.

I think Brett er, I think Sean Stewart was there.

- Yeah, - I think he was sat when I was

getting the sling put on.

Yeah. There was a couple guys that I've,

I I run into rarely.

Like every now and then, some

of those guys I would see surfing still at that same beach.

Oh cool. Today like, yeah.

- Well here comes mom to the clinic.

- Yep. - Can chill about the p Are

- You allergic to any medications?

I think that's Brett. That's tougher.

Especially not Vicodin. What have

- You done?

Do you think? You are a fucking bird.

- It's either that or go out and get drunk.

So I think this is more constructive.

- Are you drunk too com - In that smell?

- I go check. Why do you look like that?

- Why do I look tan? I don't see, because I've been surfing.

- Bad news is there probably is one.

You have a lot of fluid in your elbow joint,

so you're gonna need to be in a sling.

Okay. I I'll give you a pain medicine.

- They better gimme so much painkillers.

How much this gonna hurt? More than the fall or

- No.

Owie needle dad a great,

- Just from an injection in my ass.

- Oh Lord. Your dad's not Well he with half a colon.

He with a broken arm

- Jack.

He's such a fucking dog. He jumped off a fucking

pair and broke his elbow.

- Fracture his elbow. - I thank you

for your, your empathy telling

- Jack fracture his elbow today.

What? Jack fractured his elbow today.

Oh, that's a, that's a dangerous bone

to fracture on the elbow things.

- It's a dangerous bone to fracture. Oh yeah. I'll kill you.

- What were you getting injected in your ass?

- I think a painkiller. - Oh really?

- Yeah. - Yeah. The way that it plays,

it really seems like you're faking an injury to get pills.

- Yeah, yeah. No, I definitely

- Because you keep bringing them up.

- Yeah, no, it, I definitely was.

- Which they frown upon by the way.

- Yeah, no, I They back then though, they didn't,

they were like, sure.

Yeah, no, I remember I was, I was, I was in a lot of pain,

but I also utilized that pain to my best abilities.

- Of course. But that's not,

when you say why do you look like that?

You don't mean that he looks very tan. No. Like he looks

- Like he's holding his breath and like a bit beached.

I just thought you were rushed in pain.

- No, I actually, I don't think I was drunk there.

Not that, not in that scene. Yeah.

I, I, I could, 'cause I can remember it very,

I remember that whole day

- And once again, Sharon, you're just laughing through it.

- That night, - My favorite

- That night I was, - You have to

- Royally fucking off.

I don't know what they gave me,

but I, for some reason I went back to that house

and it was, I was like, I'm just gonna get into bed.

I'm, I'm in a lot of pain and whatever.

I'm gonna watch a movie. And I put deer hunter on.

- Oh God. - And I can just remember being really fucking

high watching deer Hunter being like,

what in the fuck is happening?

Jesus. I Jesus, it, it was the weirdest thing.

And I, and I and I,

for some reason I couldn't hear them talking.

I could hear the music and I could see the scenes

and I could see their lips moving,

but I couldn't hear them talking.

And I remember being like, what is this a silent attack?

- You never found out what they gave you?

- No. - Something good I guess.

- I don't know what it's me. What you that,

- How can I hear the music?

- Yeah,

- Let's rejoin Ozzy on the road.

- On the road again. Hello Peninsula. Hello

- Peninsula.

- Hello. - Hello. Yes. Hello Colin.

Things are going on. You know, and fuck know this life.

- Colin is still the family business manager.

- I had this plan that I'd die before.

She, my, my, my plan didn't work out.

You know, she's my whole world.

She's my, she's she's the best lover ever that I forget. I

- Forgot about that.

Best friend, dad's sober

- Companion.

Was he the worst friend I've ever had?

He bread and butter you.

- Oh, and was he trying to, he was trying to get you

to do yoga all the time, right?

- Yeah. Yoga, poetry, things that are good for you.

Meditation. Well, when you get

bad news, it seems like a very hard time

to be sober. Sober.

- You're telling me - For

the first time in a while I didn't need

- Bad news. It

- Gets, - If the sun was out, good day to drink.

If it was raining, good to hate to drink.

- I just love that.

What you say about Sharon of like she's, you know,

the best lover I've ever had.

The best friend and the worst friend I've ever had.

Did you catch that? Yeah, I did. I did.

Why do you call her the worst friend you've ever had? Ozzy?

- Because I have to say, are you talking to me

as a loving wife or a fucking ass thought as a manager.

- Why not both? - She, she go, that's

what she say that both.

- Ugh, I love it.

This is like deep in a crazy Oz Fest schedule.

Terrible timing it seems like.

- Yeah. - Suck. Did you consider coming off the road?

- Yes. But she said get back on the phone.

- Oh, manager Sharon said no.

Whateva so

- Off.

Wow. Goodbye. I'm outta here. Rock and roll.

- I'm going. So it's time to get in gear.

My time is up. I'll take my leave and soap. Fa well

- See you again.

Find time. Been a long road.

You That was a crazy, this is the last Aus

on and I'm going home.

Get

- Did you just think it was a better idea for him

to stay out on the road and then

- Yeah - 'cause

- It was, you know, you don't want somebody

that is, was afraid

that something worse was gonna happen to me.

Being there all the time.

And he was so afraid

and so, you know, he was just like, I'll be on my own.

I'll get through it. Yeah, I'll do it.

- Dad loves to worry.

So if you, if you can keep him, if you can try

and distract him from the worry.

- Yes. - He's far better off.

- Is that true Ozzy? Are you worried right now?

Just even watching it back?

No, you're not sitting back in it. That's good.

He said no, I actually don't care anymore. So it's perfect.

Moving right along next. Yeah.

Was these shows seem like pretty rowdy at all times.

The Oz Fest shows were just insane.

Wild. Whoa.

- Totally fucking insane.

- Yeah. I can't imagine they were amazing

- Debauchery from you know, 9:00 AM until 11 at night.

- Yeah. Oh.

So by the time he gets up people are just like

fucking gone. Yes. Yeah.

- Yeah. 'cause he would go on at nine

or you know, nine 30 at night.

Yeah. People have been drinking all day in the sun.

- Yeah. - And it would just, yeah, I mean the amount of,

- Let me see a crazy, - But the amount, like we, we,

there were certain venues where he would play

and they would just light these huge

fires on like the lawns bon

- 'cause they were the out these huge ones and then you'd

see like a huge circle going round the bonfire And

it was like primal.

- Yeah. - Barbaric.

- Pretty much. But it was so much fun.

- It seems like so much fun. Nobody ever got really hurt.

Nope. Nobody. It was just, that's such a blessing.

- Yeah, - I was gonna ask that question.

I thought it inappropriate. No, no, no. Did anyone die?

- No. - Nobody?

- No. I don't think that.

I don't think there ever was a fatality at all. First not.

- That's - Huge. There was

- In the parking - Lot. In the parking lot. Yeah.

- In the parking lot. I remember somebody got ran over,

- It was a policeman and it was a dust storm

and people couldn't see him.

- A couple of people died at the festival.

- No, you're talking about the US festival.

That wasn't our festival.

- Oh good. - Never.

- That's gonna come visit you in New York.

Which seems like a nice time for you guys to have together

with everything going on.

- Two every single note attacked from the diagram

- After some more warmups.

Of course

- It's good.

The camera light. Whatcha guys looking

at next?

Exhale.

There's the yoga. Feel the stretch in that back.

Stretch it out. It's all in the hips. Dad's

- Great.

I love, I'm dirty. That guy seems too.

Such a very strange yin and yang. Fuck off. Dad look.

- Sorry dad. I gotta look at my

- Brain.

Oh that ring.

- That's Kelly's best friend at school. Your mom.

- So - Yeah. Oh she sounds

- Great.

Didn't she?

- Talking's freaking me out man.

The word cancer and the word chemo.

- But we're a family and we'll stick together

and we'll just get through it one way or another.

Cheer. Hello?

Obnoxious fucking ring. I have to go goodbye.

No another boyfriend.

- I didn't have a boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend.

- I hope you don't want a fucking girlfriend.

I'm money joking. I hope Dad

- Good.

Shot early two thousands.

- I won't joke anymore. Smack me right Fucking

- I. Good hand eye

- Coordination.

Play fucking darts.

- Is that a - Hookah

- Pipe on the table?

No, it's a candle stick.

- Isn't Or some sort of lab. Rust.

- Yeah, it's a candlestick.

- I'm surprised you could deal with that annoying ringtone.

'cause you are, you don't like a lot of sounds like that.

- I don't remember that ringtone.

- Isn't it crazy Thinking about your phone being on at all.

My ring is never

- On.

- Where where are you guys right now?

- We are in a - Hotel in New York.

Or is it set up all his artwork?

He's got his art table, his easel. All his

- Oh, that's what all the markers were.

Yeah, that rack of markers. Oh cool.

- That was a good shot. Kelly - Tell records bag.

- Oh man. Just a snapshot in time.

This with the phone, the ring.

- Do you really think he would've cared if you had

wanted a girlfriend?

No, I don't know.

- Dad is a bit old fashioned sometimes. Ah.

But ultimately I don't think he would've cared. Yeah,

- You notice that Sammy makes no comment on anything.

She just carries on.

- Yeah, but that's the whole thing.

Like that's why she's my best friend in the

world. Yeah. Nothing

- Phases. Nothing phases. Her

- Like nothing.

She's just like, oh that's just them

- Bitch.

And can someone tell us what ferando cheeses you not?

So, oh God. Did you catch that part Sharon?

That went over my head actually.

She says what kind of cheese is this? And you say und

- This is disgusting.

- Okay, next.

Well this tour schedule is so insane that three days off

to come home is like such a gift at this point.

Yeah.

- I've done a lot worse than jump up here son.

Like try a television out the window. A few months ago,

- Mean few weeks ago.

- Oh this got low. I was trying to light the logs

and fire. Oh

- God.

Oh my God. It's coming out that we fucking,

- No, this - Where she said fire. Fuck it

- Out.

Not you. This is

- Wood. It's flammable.

- Dad loves a good fire fucking fire.

- It was like trying towe the

fire thing. Why are you using a

- Plastic broom?

What is this shit showing you put on the fucking fire

- Logs.

No, you put not log accelerate logs, didn't you? Oh yeah.

Oh, like fire a pile of them?

- Yeah, like the fire starter logs. Like the one you

- Throw a boot is, I can't - Remember.

I think we better call the fire Bri. Fake smoke.

Is there a fire? A fire smoke?

No, I think we should call the fire

- Brigade.

We don't need the fire brigade because that's stupid

and fucking dramatic.

- Doesn't water make it spread?

- Doesn't water make it spread? What the fuck you? I dunno.

Look at you guys sand. They've

- Got the dog bowl fire with these bastard candle.

- And you got, this is chaos. - Turn exciting.

- No wonder you guys have had so many house fires.

- I want - Night fucking

- House fire burn the fucking

fucking bring grandma. Where

- Is the one that ends up cleaning the burnt shit?

- Who is that? That was my assistant.

That's Opie's wife. Good night.

- Sheep Shagger. She's - Lovely. Good night.

- Sheep shagger, sheep shagger, wherever you may be.

- Who are the sheep? Shagger? Because you're saying

goodnight to, hopefully there's lovely one.

Right?

- So Ozzy, you've got three days off tour

and you come home to a literal fire.

Pretty typical. Oh fuck

- It.

It's the story of my life. It's still burning five house

- Fires.

- Well, you wanted it to be nice when you got home.

- A roaring fire by the beach in the middle of summer.

- A hundred candles.

Did you just pile up a bunch

of dura flames instead of the actual Yeah.

Fucking firelighters.

- Yeah. - I love that.

That's immediately what he walked out.

- Yeah. You're supposed to use one of them and then put

- Yeah, I know now, but I didn't then.

- And do you know now that water does put out fires

- Now? Yes.

- Unless it's a cooking fire. Yes. And then it would spread

- It. Okay. Yes.

- Yeah. She's thinking of a gas fire. Yeah.

If you're, if you're working a fryer at a diner. Yeah.

Which I'm sure will happen at some point.

Don't throw water on that. Yeah.

Do you still have a candle obsession? Yes. Totally.

I love it. 'cause it always smells

so good in here. Yeah. There's

- A reason for that.

We all know. We all know the answer to it.

- Have you ever had any fires in this house?

It's dis disguising. I know Kelly, touch wood.

- Don't speak too soon. - No

- Fi as of today.

- We have gotten a new pet That is

so bizarre.

And I really have a lot of questions about it.

Do you remember at the Malibu house? Well let's, I'll start

- Mine bird.

- How the hell do you remember that?

- Because we - Loved it. You killed it at the end.

- Dude. Ozzy. He did not. He's such,

- I screamed you all the time. Died.

- It died at the cold. 'cause I left it on the balcony.

- Stink. - Fucking dumb.

- Gabe was always yelling at it. I remember that.

- Trying to teach it. Curse words.

- Dad has a fascination with miner birds.

- I, I saw one in my house.

- What's your fascination with miner birds?

I speak really well, but not this one. This

- One was fucking - Dumb as shit. This one

- Bro, they sold to you.

Gotta say sell, get 'em at the right age.

This was too young. Where did you

- Get him from?

- The village. - Oh really? Malibu village?

- Yeah. What They had like a bird pet shop.

- The pet shop. - I don't remember the one in Mali.

Oh, I do remember the one in Malibu. Yes.

- Yeah. Well, Lola does not

have a great time with this bird.

- Really? - Wow.

- You know, she was jealous. I'm sure

- She's confused.

I think how beautiful she looks.

- She was the perfect bulldog.

But not that, that is not the best for

- Bird fucking panic for some food.

You know what he's doing? He don't. What's wrong with it?

Bird got into a seizure.

We got an alcoholic fucking bird, man.

What are you, what are you

- Feeding it?

Banana. Banana. Fucking

- Birds.

Bananas. Alright.

I didn't mean I I'll say I won't curse you anymore.

- Look, he's having an argument with a bird.

Really? I feel like that's a really good way to get sick.

I didn't know you were still allowed

to have birds near your mouth. That's

- Disgusting.

I don't think it's disgusting. Baby's too young.

If she's bump baby, they get ate.

- I thought that there was like a binding resolution from

the UN to no longer allowed you

to have birds near your mouth.

- This is how we got covid.

D What is your,

why are you always putting animals in your mouth?

- 'cause that when a, when a bird's young.

The only way, it wasn't easy.

So I I I was to pretend the beach mom asked. He,

- He was literally baby birding it because

- Bird seems terrified to be in there around the dogs

and everything is heaving.

Yeah.

- Pat bud, all P pull went out

- From him.

How did end up dying from the cold.

- Yeah. You left him out. But no. In Malibu did you?

- It was in Malibu. - It was. You

- Guys love to hear from pda. Don't you do?

- Did he Skype? No, - No, no. Died

- Froze to death.

But it was weird because I remember it was like the summer.

You're like, oh, a bird can be outside in the summer

- And Malibu gets cold at night.

Wow. Yeah. Does well RIP to that minor bird.

- Pull one out. - Okay.

We have one scene left in this episode

that did make me cry.

So really,

- I just been on the phone to my wife Sharon.

She's doing fucking great man. A sound called my

- Mom coming home.

Life is a way of kicking you straight in the fucking nuts.

You know, for instance, I remember I had some food

and the next bit I know I was,

I'm fucking picking myself off the fucking bathroom floor.

I don't remember a fucking thing. I can't drink anymore.

Change

- PlayStation two - P five.

Nice. The fucking week

before I go on the, on the I've news

that my wife's got colon cancer,

which I need actually a good thing

to pack in your suitcase and go on the road.

You know, God fucking God works in weird. Why a thing?

My heart was breaking every night on stage I

put on a bright face.

But when you've got a broken heart,

'cause someone that you love has got sick,

you can't pretend not to have a broken eye.

Hello. Funny to tell you how much I love you

and I'm quite wait to see you.

I don't think in my collective memory of life,

I can never remember so many ups

and down major in my life in now and half a year.

God bless. Love you. Bye.

Yes, we kicked that cancer's fucking as

- The emotion.

I

- They say life sucks, then you fucking die. You know,

- I'm not ready to croak yet.

And definitely not with a wig on.

- Oh, we broke the old block of ice over here.

That's such a stressful time. What are we crying for?

- No, like you were saying,

some very nice like heartfelt

things. You know, with the song, the song

- And the fireworks.

It's touching

- TV was so much better in the early two thousands.

Right? They don't do that on reality

- Shows anymore.

I cried on a Real housewife episode. No.

Have you seen that footage before, Sharon?

Oh yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Does it choke you up as well? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I love, I just love the love between two.

And do you, do you take sort of like the positive parts

of their relationship into your own marriage in any way?

Like I just feel like I was just crying at the love too.

- I feel like if I tried to do that,

it would be an epic fail.

I mean, oh, why? What they have is what they have

and it can't be duplicated.

It can't be remade by anyone.

And if you try to live up to that,

I think it can be a great goal.

But you could be yourself of it all.

- Yeah. What about you, Jack?

- You know what? I think for me it's like the,

my parents have always been so dedicated to family

and that's something that I, I try

and emulate in my own family.

So it's, it's, i I feel like everything

that was done was done for the family.

- Yeah. Yeah. Do you have, like,

what advice do you usually give other people going

through chemo or going through this like part

of cancer treatment?

- To, to - Get through it.

- To embrace it.

'cause I always say that this is your friend.

Chemo is your friend, not your enemy.

And you've gotta really embrace it and,

and know that each one is like, you mark it off

and you're just a little bit better and a little bit better.

And you just have to, just have to embrace it.

Not be scared of it. Did it, it sucks.

It sucks big time, but it's helping you.

And they say, you know, there's no gain without pain. So,

- And it seems like you just always say pretty

silly and positive too.

Do you think that helps the healing process?

- Definitely. - Yeah.

- Definitely. 'cause if I'd have been in the pity pot,

it would've done nothing.

- But I, I can remember you kind of treating it like a,

like you didn't necessarily make it your identity.

You were like, all right, let's just get this done.

Like, this is what I gotta do.

How many have I gotta have? All right, let's do it.

- But she was also probably showing less her

fear because of you guys.

- What a month I have.

She said wouldn't got more than three

months, three times a month.

She gimme four now. I'll give too much.

- Yeah. She, she went, she went pretty hard on the chemo.

- Oh, you asked for more. Just get it, get it done. Kill it.

Yeah. Yeah. Well you said some very sweet

things about Sharon.

- Do every day - Good. You do,

- You do.

- Well one of the mistakes that couples forget to do

is tell each other they love each other on a daily basis.

They must after 12, you don't challenge each other,

you drift apart.

- Perfect. - No agenda.

- I love you guys.