Original subtitles

- Hello? Hello. Yes

- He is.

- Hi. What's up gang Guys, this is Amy Miller. Hi. Hi.

- Amy Miller. I was the only person in the history

of my family to ever go to college and went, thank you.

I appreciate that.

And when I was applying, my mom was like, this seems hard

and expensive and you're never gonna use it and look,

- Yay.

But Amy has come to help

facilitate this potentially traumatic experience for us all.

I'll let Amy explain why she

potentially is the best fit for this

- Job.

Oh, I'm interviewing now. It's good.

I can hear the screams of fans going,

who the fuck is this person?

And why is she here?

- We had discussed about having a therapist facilitate this,

we're gonna call it healing process.

Yes. We go. Then we decided that that might be too serious.

And we went the comedian route. And you're back.

You were gonna be a social worker at one point.

- Yes. Yes. - And now you're a comedian.

- Yes. You are a double threat. Yes.

Ozzy, have you seen this show? Never. Never, never.

- Neither - Have I. This will be the first time.

I will say I've never worked with two people, Jack

and Kelly, like in my life that more of my close friends are

so horny for

and it, it truly began with this show. Yeah. Weird.

- I just say that. You got some weird fucking friends.

- Truly. One of them is my boyfriend, by the way,

who like on our second date, I was like,

who are your celebrity crushes?

And immediately he was like, Kelly.

I'm like, okay, well now this is happening.

Thank, thank you so much you, that's making me feel

so good about myself.

I just say that because if you're watching horrified,

keep in mind other people our age,

were having a sexual awakening.

Oh, you watching you guys. That's my Lord. Sorry Sharon.

But it's true.

- Who them? - Yeah. If you can believe it.

- Whoa. - See. Well, should we get into it? You do.

Come on, see the intro.

- Okay. - And then check back in.

- All right. - See how're we're feeling. Yeah.

My blood pressure's already going.

- No, I'm feeling balmy right now.

- It's gonna be great. - Meet the perfect American family,

- Jack.

Stop telling people your audio going, starting

to get into places because you're a fucking loser.

- I didn't understand one word you said.

I can't sit here

and say like, you know, I'm really the next mother, Theresa.

Yeah. Well, I tell you what, I'm

old's wife now shut the fuck up and go to bed. Fuck. No.

- The - Sun

- Studies show a teenager's brain doesn't really become

functional until past 10 30.

I think

- The daughter, I don't really care what people think

of my hair if they like it or not.

Like it's not their hair. So I don't really care.

Oh, that rhymed. And of course, rock and roll

- At mini.

I'm the,

I anti

- The iron man.

I love you all. I love you more than you love yourself.

You all fucking mad.

- I see some squirming a little bit.

- Oh no, there's definitely squirming on my

- Myself.

There's so qui jack's

- So squirming.

Do

- You still like your hair?

No. Okay. It's so cute.

But all I just keep looking at it

and thinking to myself is, wow, you were so young.

- Yeah, - So young.

- Yeah. That's weird. - Jack

- Walking around - In your army gear.

That has not changed, mom. He still does that.

- I love - It. Just for different reasons now.

- Well, I'm curious, like, did you know

what you were getting into?

- No idea. - And you were being filmed 24 hours a day.

- Yeah. - You can't be prepared for anything like that.

Yeah. You know, it hadn't been done. It's

- Kind of like a - A di

- Diary capsule.

Yeah. Just paid for by MTV.

- It's a video - Diary.

- Good. - Well, the fucked up is why we all loved you.

- People would come up to me and go, who writes your script?

I'd go, God,

- I feel like God's script writers are on Write a

strike for me right now,

- Titan.

Yeah. Well if you ask my childhood pastors,

it was definitely the devil

- Writing.

- Oh yeah. Definitely script. Yeah. Okay. Yes.

Are you guys happy you did it even though you're being

forced to watch it back?

- Oh yeah. I'm happy we did it.

It it gave me a life that I could only dream of

- The, the success of this show was

it blew my doors off.

I thought rock and roll success was one thing,

but that success was like off the Richter scale.

- It's weird because the success back then, back then,

there was only a handful of places to get entertainment.

It was movies, it was music. It was MTV. Nobody,

- Nobody would, nobody told me about how big he was getting.

It just, I was remember going down

to a fair in Beverly Hills

and all these people were like, freaked out.

I'm going, well,

why are they looking at me like this? You know?

- But we also didn't understand what ra the ratings.

We didn't understand how it worked.

I can remember you a conversation with someone

and you went, alright, put it in terms of like album sales.

- Yeah. - Like how, like how many albums would equate

- To that number?

See, this is an album. Would it be a thriller? Would it be?

He says 10 thrillers. I said What?

- Yeah, I imagine it's weird 'cause people loved you,

but then now they think they know you.

Yeah. Big time. Yeah. Which it adds a weird vibe. Yeah.

Now I know everything about you.

- Yeah. - And that's a lot. Yeah. I imagine it

- Was the thing like tv every household has one,

- But you, but you think about,

but back then, right there was, it was cable.

So there was what, like 50 channels?

And then that was, there was no internet.

There was no streaming. There was no, it was radio.

It was tv. It was movie. And it was music.

Now we're drinking from a fire hose with media.

- What convinced you to do it? See,

- Well, there's the empty,

we did a thing called Cribs that has his show.

- Yes. - And that was the most requested rerun.

So somebody from the company said to us, we wanna do

an extended version of cribs kind of thing.

I mean, we didn't want sit down and go, let's do this.

- Yeah, let's plan it. Yeah.

- It could have happened on its own.

You know, a great mistake. You know,

- I, I don't think so.

- I wonder though, if we hadn't have done it,

how long would it have taken for someone else to do it?

Someone to do it. Still have that.

I should have brought it.

God, I had a cool bedroom. You really did.

Oh, that room was so cool. Is that spoon pool or a pond?

It's a fucking spoon

- Pool.

And the guy that's building it,

I'm gonna drown the fucker in it.

This has got to be the 24th house

that my kids have lived in.

We've got crosses going everywhere.

There's crucifixes and having them painted on the walls.

We've got crucifix door handles. We'll never be

- Able to sell it.

I love the decor. What are you,

- That house was so - Cool.

I loved that

- House. It was a great

- House.

Oh, I was thinking about this the other day.

Like, I wish you guys never sold that house.

- Oh, I wish you never sold that house.

- It made me really sad

because I went there a couple of months ago outside?

- Dilapidated. - Dilapidated. Oh no. Nobody there.

All the windows are like, probably, boy,

the curtain curtains are drawn and the garden.

You remember how gorgeous our garden is? Did you go ever

- Go in the house?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- How long did you stay there? - Not long enough.

- No, not - Long.

- Five years. I made a record there, didn't it?

- Yeah. Yeah, - You

- Did.

It was a great recording studio.

- That was great. - I just love the process of moving in.

'cause you have so many trinkets, so many bits.

- Yeah. - Yeah. And to move that often with so many bits.

- I always joke, I'm like, my,

my mom's a a hoarder with a budget.

She's got money to, she's got money

to spend on her hoarding.

- Well, that's what I love about the decor is just the mix

of like goth with flowers,

- You know?

- Yeah, - Exactly. Like, like a,

like a beautiful cemetery.

- Pretty much dead. Thanks

- Sharon.

Under the

- Just, you know, fixing a bayonet Your hair.

What? Doing

- Shut.

- Shut up. Say to me,

Kelly goes, you guys are so violent.

And we both told her to shut up.

- You do start a lot of fights in this show,

so it's pretty funny that you're calling everyone violent.

I'm just saying

- Some fighting words right there. I love

- The gun under the bed.

I so, so many weapons in this. Where the hell did

- That bayonet thing come from? It

- Was on a, it was on a sconce.

You had like a bayonet sconce.

- Somebody would charge you down

the stairs at night, every day.

Shit yourself.

- Yeah. I don't think anyone's breaking in to

Ozzy Osborne's house with the guns under the bed.

That would be very, a very scary situation. Yeah.

- Definitely runs in the family.

- I've got pictures of them. Jack must have been five.

Both in Army gear and both holding rifles.

- I could show you a picture I took last week in

Amiga holding rifle.

So I love it.

- Kelly, what, do you remember what products you were using

to get your hair that large except Fudge.

- Fudge. Yeah, of course.

Honestly, that's just me rolling outta

bed. It's flawless. I did,

- I actually, I don't mind the, the, the style

of your hair. I don't

- Mind that.

- I thought it was a, that was my,

- That's - Adorable.

- She would not conform in any way, shape or form.

- Really? Based on your parents. I can't believe it. Cute.

I think I still have that

- Handbag.

- I've seen a lot of looks in this show that I'm like,

- I'm not, I wore a version of that for sure.

And it, it's weird.

Like I keep, I have this box of clothes

that was from the Osborne's that got left at my mom's house

and, and then finally made its way back to me.

And it's, it's all this stuff. It's all back. Yeah. I know.

It can wear it all again.

- Anything to do with like the history channel

and the war channels, all stuff like

that. The news channels. Okay. Yes.

- Weather in Afghanistan. 2000 degrees in cloud,

- Because this was fucking do, this was the month

that the war started stuck on the Weather Channel.

- It's a very funny joke.

- So this, you can control basically the old house satellite

and then the satellite music cd.

- The old Crestron. What kind of fucking stupid thing.

- We didn't give the owners any written instructions.

We give them the remote controls

and then the owners figure out by himself how to walk it.

So that's how easy it is.

- Weak signal. That's about watch that whole fucking day.

Weak signal. Jack,

Jack fucking thing.

Why? Why Going get a normal fucking TV man.

I pressed his one button and the shower starts.

I'm going, what is this? Where am I? Man.

Fucking space shit. And the nightmare continues.

Nightmare in Beverly Hills. Take satellite. Yeah.

And come on

a fucking blowjob as well.

Let's come on the show. Blowjob.

Fuck Co. She's a gum

- To you.

Don't you drink gum? Yes. Yes.

Do you want, the irony is the coyotes did eat that cat.

No, that cat

so disgust. German and

- Japanese war.

Tough reliable cargo planes to airlift troops

and supplies and battle.

- I love the bonding over war.

Especially now knowing it was the day a war started.

- It was literally like we had That's so sweet. Afghanistan.

Like the, the invasion

of Afghanistan was happening the week we

moved into the house.

- Oh my God. - Yeah.

- Do you still drink that much Diet Coke?

- I would drink literally a case

of diet coke a day. Diet Pepsi? No, you were

- On Diet Coke then you went to Diet Pepsi.

He flip flopped.

- And I was drinking a case of

that shit every day. It's really good for you.

- You still have that gadget in storage somewhere.

I heard that controls on

- The Yeah, we do.

- Yeah. The massive Crestron controller.

- But they still are like

that over the remote controller on the tv.

- Yeah, I was - Gonna say. And that has not changed at all.

- No, - It's still the same.

- But don't make things fucking simple.

- I like all - You got, have four extra arms.

- Well, that's why I like Apple TV now.

'cause it's just one remote.

You just turn the TV turns on and it's one

- Little remote.

The company's gonna win if they get one

remote. That's simple.

- We still don't have a blowjob button though.

- Sucks. - Yeah. Gotta, we can really work on that. It's

- The future.

- It was weird though, because if you look at the show,

like the, the episodic stories, they're so loose.

It's more just kinda, there's no real point to 'em.

- Yeah. You - Know, there's not like a

beginning, middle end.

It's just like scene, scene, scene, scene.

And there's very little that like,

- There's no story going.

- There's no was filming when we were up

around 24, 7, 6.

We were, we were, yeah.

It was not nine, 9:00 AM to 2:00 AM I mean,

there was cameras, hidden cameras there.

- But in the beginning no produced moments at all.

- No, - It's all just you guys.

- And the produced moments that occurred were like,

Hey, we are gonna bring Dr.

Phil in for an episode.

Hey, we want you guys to go on vacation.

- That's what we love about it.

I think even watching it back, the pace

of the show is very soothing.

It is. Because reality, reality TV now is like

so quick. It's just like

- Too much.

I mean, what that would do, I'm

- Feeling therapized.

- Yeah. The, the editor was what they would do.

They would be filming. I'd see so much goofy happened

and they'd mark, so they'd take their bit out.

So it looks like they put 'em all together.

It looks like that. That's all we do all day.

- There actually, were we, there was comedians

that worked on the show in the

- Editing.

- Yeah. - Ooh, I wonder who.

- Yeah, it was, it was one of 'em.

I remember she played the housekeeper in

the Brady Bunch movie.

- No. Like - The movie that came out in the late nineties.

- Really? I love that movie. I can't think of

- Alice.

Yeah. Yeah.

We had comedians that were in, in the video village.

- Oh, he, one of them went on to work

with Sasha Barron. Cohen,

- Yes.

Oh, cool. Yeah, there was a lot of comment because

- Comedians in - Working,

- They, they would watch it in the edit

and they would, they would just write down things

that they thought were funny.

Yeah. And that could turn into jokes.

And so that's kind of what they were,

they were just basically funny miners.

- Oh, okay. - See, the thing is, is that

- If you do wanna go to - The Tonight Show, it's Melinda,

- You're gonna have to get cracking.

- She's still exactly the same. I won't go there.

- That - Don't wanna see your dad.

- I'll see you tonight. That's the Tonight Show.

- Oh really? Ah, - I didn't know.

- Oh, - You are blonde. Fuck.

- Drink all the eagle. - See?

- So it, why just throw it?

I don't have a Oh, for every question. For everything I do.

Fuck off.

- Cover off. That's the nanny. Fuck off. I love it.

I have so many questions about your room

because it seems like an office.

- It was a massive room. - It was huge.

- Like, oh, the best. - So much desk space.

- Yeah. I had a lot of space.

And then there's like a little divider there

and my bed was on the other side of it.

So there was like a living, it was like, it

- Was a living room.

- It was like a, it was like a

studio apartment. There was like

- A, yeah.

Do you have a balcony in yours?

- I didn't have a balcony. No.

- It seemed like you spent a lot of time in

- There, right?

- I did. I spent a lot of time in that bedroom doing a lot

of drugs in that bedroom.

- Nice. - That was a place, it was a dark, dark place.

- Oh, so what's that blue?

- No. Okay, so there was a skateboard company called Girl.

And that was the, that was their The logo. Logo.

And they made, and you supposed to hit look

at the copies kind of. Yeah. It was just

- My bunch. A girl.

- Yeah. I found out That feels a little dark.

- And what about the aliens?

- It's just, you know, I, you know, old habits die hard.

You know, I'm, I, you know, boys always loved aliens,

UFOs, all that junk.

Yeah. And then, and then there's a big stick

of dynamite too, if you can see that.

- Just in case. - I'm still the same.

No, I mean, look, I've got, I've got the jelly bracelets on,

which are back in my nails are painted. The necklace.

- Yeah. That was all, all in at that tag frame.

- Look, - Chuck.

- Yeah, I was, I I was,

I might have been a better human being when I was 16.

- Come on. What year is this? - 2002. Okay.

- No, - This is 2001. One. Yeah. Yeah.

This was October, 2001. Of course. There we were. I'll

- Never forget.

Nine 11. You were hashtag never

- Forget. Yeah. I was

- Never forget it.

- Where were you? - New York.

- Oh, - Kelly and Sharon.

- That's not ideal. No, it wasn't.

- It wasn't. It was like, fuck it.

But all I did was watch watch the over

and over all day on the bus tv.

And we drove back to LA because the airports were closed.

- He still watches it. Oh, so you drove back from New York?

Did you get a bus or just like a bus?

- Bus was Jackson. See we went to New York

'cause Kelly went to the garden.

See Michael Jackson at the four Madison Square

- Gardens before - The night before nine 11.

- So I had my backstage pass still

- When it went - Down.

Eptember ninth, September 10th. Wow.

- When it went down a, a lot of my, our crew guys were there

and Sharon asked if any way we could get a bus.

Doesn't we all make it work for you. It was

- One of Michael Jackson's crew buses that we got

- When the bus pulled up.

It went. He.

- Okay, let's see what's next. - Oh, here he is

- Tonight.

Show. Oh, video. Video.

- Ozzy. I'm - Robert. Oh, big fun too. Huh?

- The yarn

- Tony up

- There.

We are gonna cut them 'cause they're too

long. So, we'll, we'll,

- TVs ll give you the a c from my nephew

and he's like, I'll bring it back in for my nephew, Rick.

But that, but I'll take one too. You send to Rick? To Rick.

Rick. RICK. He wanted two Rick.

And be cool if that's all right. Yep. How old is he?

He's, well actually he's like 28.

I'm thinking he's like 60.

He is a huge fan. Look

- This one here.

- Hold on. Wait, - What was I wearing that for?

- Thank you. You were doing, you were doing Jay Lenos show

and you were doing The Mu You were the music

- Guest.

That was, and that was the shirt you wore in the

- Music video.

Jay seems like a true fan. Like he's nervous.

It's very cute. 'cause you're

- The first when on the show got him in a headlock

and just most jumping around.

He was, he was going, don't go too crazy.

Don't go too crazy.

- Well, I guess it, you're the first show of its kind.

People just were said yes to like Yes. Yeah. Keep rolling.

Like, who knows?

'cause there's no way you would do that now. You know, it's

- Crazy.

The people that pop up in like season

one, it was all right, wasn't me.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- But like, so I was good friends

with Elijah Woods little sister.

And so like Elijah Wood is in is in an early episode. Yeah.

And then Mandy Moore is in an early episode.

And these were, they were just friends

of ours. It wasn't like,

- Yeah.

- They got paid or anything like that.

- Sure. But no one would probably do it for free.

Not because, oh my God. No. No.

I'm not gonna be on your show.

- Yeah. - What if, yeah. What if I say something weird?

Love the shirt.

It's a great shirt for someone with a lot of cats.

- Yeah. Yeah. One. - Sharon,

did you get nervous when Ozzy did appearances?

- He doesn't like to do it.

And especially performing, let alone being interviewed.

So he feels uncomfortable in this situation, right?

- Yeah. Yeah. I just, I dunno what

to fucking say when I get injured.

You know, I sometimes I, sometimes I'm, I'm comfortable.

Mostly I, I, I jab at because I don't, I dunno what to say.

You know, I sort, I I an episode

of Conan one, you and I did.

Yeah. Yeah. That was

- Funny.

You were in Holland or Amsterdam? Yeah.

You were in Amsterdam and he left a note under your

- Door. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Conan was filming at the same time.

- But he said, he says, don't mention dope.

- Yeah. And at the end they walk off together down a canal

and dad goes, come on Conan, let's go to a coffee shop.

Because you couldn't, couldn't say marijuana

on TV back then.

- Do you remember this Kelly? I do remember this.

I remember cutting the tassels off his shirt and

- The red.

- Yeah, the red is nice.

- It's a good touch. Brings out your eyes. You guys

- Are matching at this time. Yeah.

- Power couple. My little baby girl.

- Aw, okay, here we go.

- Stop it. Why are we married?

How about you do when you go out?

- No, I - Don't think so.

- Oh yes you do. - Let you go.

- Please spare me. Seriously.

- What's wrong with it? You too old.

That's very nice. You wait til you are 50 50 am I argue sir.

- What? How old are we?

You're asking are they still like that?

- Do you wanna know something crazy Kelly.

- What? - Now you are closer to mom and dad's age there.

Then you are now to your age there. I know.

- Wild. - Yeah.

- Do you still get grossed out when they kiss?

- It's more the sound that gets me.

What what's it like? Because

- Oh, she sounds she can't stand fucking sound

- The moisture.

It sounds like it's really wet. It is. It's a wet kiss.

It's loud cold.

- Kelly - Clammy.

- And it's really shut up. It is.

- I love my one. - I'm just saying what you asked me.

And I, we are being honest. We laying it all out the table.

This therapy.

- We're coming clear that the carwash,

- I'm not a therapist.

I just wanna clarify. Do you do PDA with your husband?

Not really. No. He, he, he also drives me nuts.

'cause he loves a kiss. And I'm like, get out of my face.

Get out of my area.

- You should - Give instructions right now.

- I give a list of instructions to Sid

what he couldn't do. And

- You make me sound like I'm like the difficult

one. It's quite the

- Opposite. What?

- Everybody loves a wife with a long list of requests.

My requests are few.

- What are they? What are, what are your top fives

- Between Do what you say you're gonna do.

Don't be late. No slurping. No slurping.

No chewing. Loud. No gum. Gum, no gum.

- She cut in her house as well.

She, she goes, wait. 'cause my cat pee.

- I can muck out. I walked in the house

and it was like, hit you like a

- Oh dare de piss.

- It was horrible. And it was like burning my nose.

It's not cactus fucking, it's Wesley's piss.

- No, it's not Wesley's piss mom. It's cat's.

- You guys live in fucking squander.

- Wan squ - Squa squa sala. I'm not sitting in

- Cat piss.

- Mike, you you know what very well. Hold on, hold on.

I one time sat in that chair and I sat in cat piss. Why did

- I get this - S squat? It has been cleaned.

- It's been cleaned. Okay.

- I'll tell you what, if I didn't have them

during the pandemic, I'd have gone fucking nuts.

You'd have been protesting.

- Well, I have a pandemic puppy and she is

- You would've gone into looted Melrose

- Max. Yeah.

- Do you know what? It was really sad.

People got pets from the shelter during the pandemic.

Oh, when it was over, they gave fucking back.

- Oh, I know. People are awful.

- That's sad. - I think it's so wrong.

- Oh, I remember. I remember that.

We, oh, there's Bobby, Bobby,

- Stu, miss Stu.

Yeah. Carry. We're all

but my, what,

what do you start this Empty gloves.

Tell me you're going because everyone else had what We said.

You're the only one that didn't like Darling explained. You.

You have not been standing in terms of 30 billion.

Oh my God. I hug this every night. Write me a note.

- Write me a note. Is so funny.

Who are all those people at the table?

I feel like you guys are always surrounded by band

- And crew.

- Yeah, that's Robert Trujillo is right there at the end.

He's now the, he's the bass player in Metallica now.

- He still - A good guy though. Yeah, he's great.

- Then there's Anne and then I think

- There's Big Dave that people here. That's Big Dave,

- Lisa Vega's head.

Why do you think it upset you so much then he could in here

- Because he couldn't hear because he, he

- Refused.

No, that's not the, the fact

that he couldn't hear isn't the, the annoying part is the

constant repeating. Oh,

- He, because you didn't like hearing aids,

you wouldn't wear hearing aids for the longest time.

And so we would always be like, you'd always be like, what?

What, what? Because you couldn't hear us and then eventually

- Your dad's always had selective hearing.

It's selective. I was gonna say

that sounds like every dad I've ever met.

It's selective. That's it. You call is

- Selective hearing.

- Oh, there we go. - Oh, get the violin.

- Better learn sign language. Go

- Guys.

Come on. This is a peacemaking show.

- Byebye. - Security guard. Michael. Oh my God.

My next guest, legend Rocker tonight perform his song,

his first solo album in six years Down to Earth.

Please welcome Ozzie Osborn.

- There was, I forget what it was,

but he felt, I know he was always falling asleep.

Yeah. 'cause he was like the security guy. The night guy.

The night watchman. And he, I thought

- He - Was funny. Very

- Funny.

Like, and he would just look at dad talking and just go,

- I don't understand.

He didn't understand one word. Ozzy said, no idea.

- Ozzy, what is the jewelry that you kiss

before watching yourself?

- My bracelets - Just for good luck.

Did you like watching yourself

- Or? I hate watching myself.

- Is it weird to watch yourself? Watch yourself?

- Oh wow. This is so light. This is a nightmare.

This is like in the Matrix.

- And then if you watch, then it's

- Oh wow.

- Four times. - It, it's it's, wow. Four times

- Narcissism.

- I'm high. Yeah. - I just,

I just don't like watching myself on tv.

- Yeah. - That's why I didn't watch the show.

This is all new to me.

I, I haven't seen bring, bringing back a lot of memories.

- I can, you know what the, you know

what the weirdest thing about watching this first episode

is like who we were

when they recorded that episode versus who we were

after that episode aired.

Ed. It completely changed everything.

- How long was the gap? - We

- We A year?

- No, no, no, no. We we started in October

and they aired the first episode in

March. Yeah. And it was,

- Well, as teenagers, that's a long time.

That too. Yeah.

- But yeah, it's, it's weird thinking about that like

that when we're filming these EP right here.

You would still, you were Ozzy Osborne the musician.

You weren't Ozzy Osborne on tv. We were just kids.

- Yeah. - You know, mom was just a music manager.

And so it it, it's funny to watch it now and go, oh wow.

Like all that's, we were totally unaware of what

- Well it would turn our life into and what we would become.

- Yeah. It's kind of strange. It's also weird to peak at 15.

- You guys look different when in,

in the second episode too.

Were there always so many people around your house.

- Yeah. It just seems, - Seems very chaotic.

- Yeah. Even when we now, like you walk around here, there's

what any given 0.5 to 10 people in the house at all time.

- Next. I wouldn't fucking talk now would I?

You are the one that goes,

- I don't talk anyone.

I get because my friends know the doorman. Oh really?

When you shut the fuck up

- Island.

Oh shit. Stop. Who was that girl on the right?

That was Sarah. No, no, no. That's the left.

I have to look the girl in the right with the plats.

- No idea. - No idea. That big hat.

- Yeah. - No clue. No clue. That's hilarious.

- I know that She some old witch. She does.

- Sharon. Was there ever a point where you wanted

to intervene when there were fights?

- Oh, I did. Oh, she's trying to look at that. I did.

- Was that a cat of Coke? You hit Jack

- Queens?

Yeah, it was like, it was a, some,

I forgot what it was. It was isn.

- It like a pen? - No, no. It's like a little ornament.

- Bought a plastic bottle. - Yeah, it's a plastic bottle.

That's right. He hit me right in the nuts front of the wall.

Look in the nuts.

- Jesus. Was - That

- Sarah?

- Kelly's old friend. French. It's

- Unclear what the fight is about a lot of the time.

Yeah. No. Huby ty, hobbled

- Bubbly - Bullshit.

Yeah.

- Has anyone - Seen the cat? You haven't seen her?

I picked up in the kitchen. Good.

- Jake is a pretty cool guy. Very, very well.

No, not very easygoing.

It's been pretty tough for him

because he's kind of the odd ball at school.

He is friendly with kids at school,

but he doesn't socialize with them.

Jack isn't one of these kids that'll hang at the mall

and go see movies that, that's not his life.

Oh well he is got a fucking dagger in his hand. That's why.

Look, I lose pause.

- What the fuck were you doing to that box? Stabbing it.

Break down box.

I was breaking, breaking down boxes. Kelly. It's

- Helpful.

Just a good stab, stab, stab. Aoo look. Dad, button the tape

- Off.

- No points. Do that. - Yeah. Have

- Knife.

We'll stab that is is like pause plane a joint.

Little smile. As army men,

- I was feeling - He's a cool

guy. Sweet. He was

- Definitely not cool.

He doesn't hang out at the mall and he's got a dagger

and that's great.

Hunting for puss is so funny

- That Dave.

That's crazy. Dave. Yep.

- Kelly has this thing about just leaving us when it comes

to going to the standard.

It's her thing. She tells me to fuck off on all this.

Kelly's in my, she's a little bitch when it comes to that

clubs and then she kind of just, you know,

told me to fuck off and that was it.

- Yeah. So Kelly ditched me and Sarah at the Roxy

and went to the standard.

- Yeah. - And just left. And I'd be like, can I get in?

She's like, no. And so we were walking down

- Sunset. You seem genuinely hurt by it

- On this.

I I, you know what it was because I I, I had to,

I was either walk home or get a cab home.

- Oh - Yeah. 'cause you can't Yeah.

- It's not like you an Uber. So that

was my thing. I was like, well,

- Do you remember the taxi number?

Is it 2 7 6 2 2 5 1.

- Yes. - She's dumping your brother

- Dad.

He could walk home. It was so close.

- Yeah, but it's pretty dark at night.

It was must have been pretty light.

- Oh man. I, but she thinks she's a cool She's

- Bitch.

Yeah. You do look very cool

after the setup

where you make it sound like he doesn't have any friends.

Now he's surrounded by girls.

- I was, you know, I was living my best life of 15.

I love it. I told you it, it's tough

to watch this knowing I peaked at 15.

It's all been a steady downhill. That person

- Singing.

Yeah. What it

- Looks like.

Thought first that was Jack.

No, that's, that's Q Anon shaman

before he, that's the capitol. What

- I was gonna say, I cognize him from Pelosi's.

You remember the guy that did January 6th?

He was dressed as a fucking a Viking. Viking

- Had the horn helmet that went into the capitol

during the, the riot.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Now you've got the burger sky. I stepped it up a notch.

A a scarf change. It's important. It's all about the scarfs.

- But wait, can we talk about something real quick?

We are walking out of on the rocks. Yes.

Which is a 21 and over bar.

- Yeah. That - We were allowed to not only drink

but film ourselves while we, while we were

- Drinking - In a 21 and over bar.

- Yeah. - Like

- 2002 - Was a fucking wild time.

- Yeah. - If everyone thinks America's crazy now,

my kids would never, I would never allow my kids to do that.

- But what, what would you do if

you, I know your kids would doing that.

- If I found out my kids were doing that. I don't know.

I think there would be, there would be some pretty

significant consequences.

- Your mom's made a face. What do you feel? Judged. Oh,

- Hang on a second.

Okay, go. Here we go. You parent the same way to us.

Your parents parented you.

- Yeah. Yes. No, that's not

true. We don't get beaten, eaten.

- That's the biggest fucking lie you've ever,

all you've ever told us is about how shit, your parents

- Were Don's - Daughter.

But does she parent the same way that Don parented her?

- Absolutely. - You don't have

to go to school.

Come, I'm going to see this band tonight.

I must have been five years of age.

Come we're going on tour from fucking

newborn. Same thing.

- I don't know. I I choose to do things differently.

- How do you think it's different?

- 2024 versus 2001 is a very different time.

- LA was very friendly, very - Safe.

- It was very like the fact that we,

I would walk everywhere, all of these clubs

know had for the club known Ozzy and I for of course years.

Of course. So it was all run.

And the waitresses and everybody knew Ozzie and I.

So it wasn't like,

- I mean, if anything had gone wrong, we'd have had a phone

call in five seconds.

- The whole of the strip, everywhere they went,

everybody knew us for for years.

- Yeah. - But at this time,

the strip was still like hopping hop.

Now I feel like there was no cruising signs on the street.

And if People's night consisted of driving up

and down Sunset Strip and it was, it was crazy.

It was so much fun. It seems really fun.

And remembering what it was like back then

and knowing that we were like the last generation

to ever be part of that.

- Can I ask you, you two a question?

Did you have fun being kids?

- Oh my God, I had the best fucking childhood.

- Did - You? Yes, but no.

Like, just because of how I, what I know

of myself now,

I would've benefited from more structure.

No, you wouldn't. I just,

I I wish I wouldn't have left school.

I wish, I wish they would've been a little bit harder on

like staying in school.

- Oh, I, I wish I always said to you,

you can always go back.

Yeah. But it's not that, it's not that easy.

- You can do a Hong Kong tutor.

- It's, you can go back, you can

- Do whatever you want.

You can do great. You can do a home

tutor. It's, I mean, it's not

- But we couldn't even get you to school next,

- Next.

Jack can do anything he wants to say anything he wants,

took all the shit.

But if it comes back to him, he just freaks.

- Dad, I Why don't you ask you mom, dad. I have.

She won't do fuck all. She goes, oh, I will, I will.

But she hasn't and she won't.

I dad, I'm just, I'm really, I'm about to lose it with her.

She ditched Sarah, who's supposed

to be her best friend and just left us.

If it wasn't for me, she'd still be at a fucking mall

with her dumb friends.

- Jack. I really, I I really understand.

But you gotta understand where I'm coming from.

I love you all. I love you more than life yourself.

You know, fucking mad.

- Someone might have been a little, little sauce that night.

- I know you seem like genuinely upset but also amped

- Up.

That was the one something Yeah. By the while I was

sampling the right.

- Yes. Yeah. Having, having great juice. All this stuff.

I'm sure. Well that quote, you're all fucking mad.

It became like merch and one of the most like requested.

Why do you think people related to that so much?

- Well, Jack come home one day

and he says to me, dad, can I ask you a question?

I says, what's that Jack? He says, do you not?

Do you, do you, do you want people laughing at

you or with you?

I says, Jack, as long as I laughing, I couldn't give a fuck

that that, that is entertaining you.

- It's better than fucking crying. It's better than crying.

- It's better than fucking

crying. You're right there Moment.

- Yeah. You seem to say similar things about the kids

and pets a lot of the time where it's just like, I love you

to death, but this is chaos. Yeah.

- I mean, yeah, - It is.

- These kids were never short of a, of a

fucking daily drama.

- And when it wasn't us causing daily

drama, it was you guys.

- Well it seems to run in the family. I was gonna say,

- Because we're all very dramatic. Even

- Just over.

What do you mean doing what?

- Why me? - You were dad. You what was Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize that you became famous

for not being dramatic.

- Ozzy will call me

and it's as if he's having a heart attack.

I'm like, oh my God, what's the matter?

Can you turn my light out?

And you're like, don't use that tone when you call me

because I automatically think something has happened to him.

But he dramatic.

- Okay. You are not you, you are not dramatic. No.

- Not mom. - Mom's.

- You guys might be - But to the vote.

Is mom dramatic on earth? Yes. Angela?

- I don't get a vote. Sharon, I'm sorry. Would you

- Say it?

Rude. Rude. Mum's a little bit more dramatic than me.

- Hands. Oh God. Can I tell you? No. Can I tell you? Yes.

Because mom, when mom gets her ah, head on where she's like,

that's fucking shit everywhere.

The be when the cracking gets released,

there is no, there's no stopping you.

That's what you call it. Yeah.

There's no, there's no What's the kraken?

- The kraken is Karen.

When Karen comes out of, oh,

when Sharon turns into, into Karen.

Karen.

- I, I'll call it the dark one.

- Ah. - When Sharon turns into the dark one fucking

- A wobbler.

Wobbler. Who do you thinks more dramatic? You or Jack?

I think jack.

- Blood on the floor, blow on the walls,

- Blood - Everywhere.

I don't think that that's Who says that?

I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna go ahead

and say probably not.

Maybe, maybe there's been,

- I thinking you're both this side, the side

- Siblings.

I have a lot of 'em too. They're all fucking crazy.

But I'm fine. You are

- Fine.

Next. Winning

- At life.

Life can be so sweet.

Love can be so fine.

I know I'm complete when I hold your

hand in my,

- What did you say to me?

Stop shouting at me. Oh,

- Who's dramatic Now

- Those are play fights though,

right? Yeah, they're play fights.

- Those are play fights. But then dad yelling at me I don't

think was a play fight, trying to get stoned in the front

- Room.

- It's important. - I was just trying to put my boots on.

- Did play fights ever turn into real fights?

- Yeah. Yeah. All - The

- Time.

- A lot. - Yeah,

- Definitely. Yeah.

- And then the bayonets come out and

- I always used to say somebody's

- Gonna get hurt.

- Yeah. It's all - Fun and games.

- And did they, were there any hospitalizations?

- No. - No. Not from like play

- Fights.

Not between me and Jack. No.

- Jack and Kelly are still fighting.

My husband's still moaning

'cause he still can't work the remote control.

But at least we finally moved into the house.

We are home back a Can you imagine the

neighbors when they see that? But the door,

- Something that I, a son gun,

but I'm to have some fun.

- Who are they? Are they real neighbors or

- No?

What? Satan's dead. It was above the door?

- Yes. - And I think

that's Pan not Satan. Where is that? Now

- We got rid of it.

- Why? - Because it was like, stop tapping dad a bit much.

It was a bit much Dad.

- I like that - Dog.

- It's all right. Because she sold a bunch

of my stuff too that I'm upset about.

- What? - Remember my Chrome heart bag? Yeah.

- What bloody Chrome - Hart. I, I had AHR Hart Satchel

- That you sold at the - Auction. And I went into a

- Mom to my wardrobe and I go, what happened to that coach?

I used to like, she doesn't like it.

It disappears in the night.

- You know, mom would do like the auctions and stuff

and start clearing out the storage unit.

- You guys did it episode one. That wasn't so bad, right?

That wasn't bad. No, it were.

- There - Was a lot of fun. I didn't think

it was gonna be so much fun. I really enjoyed it. I

- Know. I was

- Worried at first.

You were like, oh. And you go get a lot of fun.

- I mean this is a nice trip

down memory lane. It's hilarious.

- It bring back a lot of memories

besides I've never seen it before.

- That's so fun to watch it with you guys.

Like what a treat. But it's not so bad.

No, we're only gonna do like 60 more.

- Yeah. - Thank you guys.

- Alrighty.