Original subtitles

What, douchebag?

Suck it.

You want a guy to suck it? Do it,

man. That's fucking weird, though.

This is not that bus.

She's hot.

Where the fuck are we? I think you should just sit there, jerking off, and

then we'll just open the doors and just... Interviews?

Interviews? We want an interview, bitch!

Yo, where do you have us? We actually see women here today. Yo, he brought us

to the spot.

Oh yeah, South Miami.

Hey, that works on two levels with you. Thank you, Jesus.

Yo, look! Fucking Waldo!

Look at Waldo! Where's Waldo? Come on, man. Look, look. You're missing all the

action, bro. Yeah, no, fuck that. The action is where your hat is.

Where's the fucking... What is that? What are you, a fucking bum?

What, bro? You don't like my hat? You look like a bum with that.

You're wearing that red shoes on to match.

Yo, come on, man. Let's fucking focus on the main objective. Focus on what?

Focus on your ass?

Drive like that.

Yo.

Put a fucking crash, bro.

It's all right. We'll fix you.

A what?

The 50-year-old woman and the 20-year-old male have the best sex.

So who was better for you, the 20-year-old male or the 50-year-old

woman? You're honking at girls. Is that what you're doing? I'm honking at them.

Who gives a fuck? He just said that he likes to have sex. The best sex he's had

was a 20-year-old male and a 50-year-old woman.

That's what you got out of it.

He understood what I was saying. Did you?

Did you give him for 100 bucks, Jesus?

I don't know. That's my sister.

This guy has no problem giving head for like fucking... All he has to do is just

pull his hat down and he doesn't have to worry about looking at the eyes or

nothing.

Well,

you receive head is the question.

Are you asking me? Are you going to give me head when I receive it?

No, I'm asking you.

He said peace.

All right, so if this

doesn't work out, we're gonna go see your mom, right?

No, apparently you guys won't want to see my brother.

No, we're gonna go see your mom.

Hey, pretty in pink.

Yeah. Pretty in pink.

Distressed.

Boner.

Boner kill. Can you answer that parking lot?

Can I go into that parking lot? Yeah, can you make a left then go that way and

then that's a parking lot, right?

Well, I cut it off. Well, I cut it off. Hurry before that old guy gets in. What

do you think I am, bro?

No, that's it. Oh, no, you go straight and you go in there. Yeah.

Yo, that was whack.

That was a whack.

Go, man. Hurry up.

She's going to start running from us.

Come on. Don't make us chase you.

Excuse us.

Do you know where the nearest church is?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Do you know where the nearest church is?

I got a confession.

Why do you have the camera?

Guys, we're shooting a documentary about confessions and church

and puppies.

Can you come here for a second?

She looks scared. Don't be scared.

No, you can stay away from the door.

Look, how am I going to grab you with a camera in my hand? Hi.

Hi, what's your name?

I'm Daisy.

Do you know where the nearest church is around here?

I actually do. I'm going to one a couple blocks away.

Nah, get out of here. You go to church?

Yeah, I do.

Really? Yeah.

Shit, what a coincidence. We could take you.

I mean, I can walk there. Oh, okay.

Oh, it's that close?

Yeah. I got some confessions to make. Well, actually, my buddy does.

Yeah, you know, it's the whole coming out of the closet thing. He needs to

confess and make sure it's okay. We have, um, you know, gay camp.

Gay camp? Yeah. Oh, perfect for my buddy.

My buddy in the red hat. He's the driver.

You see him? Yeah, I do.

Yeah, it's not a laughing matter. It's really not funny.

He's trying to come out of... Yeah, don't laugh at him. He's trying to come

out of the closet.

Yeah.

So,

um, what are you doing right now? Do you want to be in our documentary?

Hey, hey What is it on?

Well, like I said, it's a church confessions puppies It's gonna be on

CCB TV.com You don't think

you're out here and do it you're serious If I give you 50 dollars will that make

you believe we're serious and I'll give you his ID so, you know, we're not

bullshitting

Hold on, one second, one second, one second.

How old are you, by the way? I'm 20.

Look.

Look, there's an ID and money.

See? So... That's just for talking to us right now.

See how you just already made money. Isn't that awesome?

Yeah, that's pretty cool, but, um... This is a nice little church outfit you

got on.

Yeah, I'm going to church.

Yeah, it's cute. Look at that. What are you going to church for?

I'm actually going for confession.

No, it's confession time.

Yeah, the doors are always open in church.

Of course they will. I mean, I don't know about the camera, but they'll allow

you guys in to church.

Yeah, I can talk to him for you if you'd like. Can you tell us your confession?

That's strictly between me and Father.

No, I was just asking you on behalf of God. He told me that.

We would kind of have to like go in with you for you to talk to him about

bringing the camera, right?

Right.

So do you want to talk first about it? Like, you know, I want to know how long

you've been going to church and like what it's done for you.

Can you guys come out here and do it or do I have to? What? The sound is better

if we're in here. And air conditioning.

And there's air conditioning. Do you really want to sit in the sun? You know

what I mean?

You have his ID.

You could punch somebody's phone number in your phone. You know what I mean?

Just like to be on the safe side. Okay, let me text.

My father real quick and let him know where I am. Listen, you can even text

our license plate.

Really? Yeah, text your license plate. I'll take a picture of it.

Send it to your priest.

Tell him this is who I'm with.

There you go. Take a picture. That's nice. You're a smart girl.

Yeah.

You're a smart girl.

Your tags are expired.

There you go. See?

Your mom taught you well.

All right, good. Get on in.

You can check.

You can check it out.

See, it's good, right? It's good. There's no killers.

No ninjas and all black.

Things like that.

Oh, those are just the famous people we've interviewed.

We've had the pleasure of getting to some famous churches.

So yeah, a lot of people go to church Nice thing to do but you guys are

gonna bring me to church, right? Yeah. Yeah, where's it at?

It's um, two blocks down to the box. Then we'll just go to box down and we'll

park there and well Nice you have ID to prove that right? I do Do you mind if we

if he looks at that? Yo, can you check her ID make sure?

Just make sure it's good Just go on and make sure you're in team. You know what

I mean?

She good?

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Nice.

Nice.

So what do you do for fun?

Um, I volunteer a lot at the animal shelter.

Really? Yeah.

Like really?

Yeah, like really.

Jesus.

Um, I mean, I play piano. I'm classically trained in that.

I ride a lot.

Wow, you're classically trained in piano?

Yeah. Oh, that's fucking awesome.

Yo, is this guy fucking...

What the fuck? Yo, what are you doing?

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

It was either that or ruined the interview.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I feel like I'm working with a bunch of fucking juveniles.

I see why you're going to confession.

Yeah, he's definitely going to confession. Oh,

God. Anyways.

Um, here, uh, so, uh, yeah, what do you do for fun? I mean, I guess, what, you

play piano and feed dogs?

Yeah, feed dogs, cats.

Cool. Take care of them. That's awesome. I love animals. Animals are cool.

Animals are nice.

Um, so, uh, um,

anyways, so do you have a boyfriend or do you date? No.

No?

Are we close to here? Where are we at? Over here a little bit?

Yeah, just go down.

Alright, good.

So,

you know, I heard that girls that go to church are the worst. Pardon my

words, but they're the freaky ones.

The naughty ones. I mean... Do you know a lot of people that a lot of girls that

go to church, are they pretty bad?

I'm not one to judge.

That's what a good church girl would say.

I don't want to judge.

You don't want to judge?

No. Well, can you talk about yourself then?

Can we play a little game of truth or dare?

I'm down for truth or dare. Okay. We'll pay you. Pay per answer.

Okay.

So, when was the first time... Are you a virgin or have you lost that already?

I've lost it already.

You lost it already?

Yep. Confessed about it.

And confessed about it. Yep.

Alright, good. Big money here. There you go.

Spending it all in one place.

Good. So, how, when did you lose it?

I actually lost it pretty recently, so.

No way. I'm on track, yeah.

Was it good?

How recent?

Like a month ago.

What? Was it good? Ah, come on.

You're bullshitting us. Come on, church.

I mean, I should be absent, right?

Whoa, dude.

Is that where you're going to confess?

No, but... So how many guys have you been with since a month?

Two. Two? That's it?

Yeah. Are you disappointed in that number?

No, definitely not. Would you like for it to be less?

I would, actually.

I would like it to be just one forever, but...

First guy just wasn't it. Is that what you were told?

That's how you were brought up? Yes.

Save it till you're married?

Yes. Yeah, you couldn't wait though, huh?

Fucking society took over and the hormones.

All these YOLOers.

YOLOers, yes. All these guys just took it from us. Somebody finally took it

from you, huh? Yeah.

That's awesome.

Yeah, there's a dollar for you.

So this is what you wear to church, huh? Yes.

Okay, so are you like you crazy girl, but I mean, what's your sign?

What do

you do for work?

Oh, I actually um

Can you use some money?

Yeah, it never hurt. Because I got money and we're willing to give it to you.

There's plenty more where that came from.

Just all the good time.

So what do you say? You want to make some money?

Well, what do you propose?

I mean, church is right there. I can just talk to you. Well, we can do the

dares now. The dare part of the game.

You can also... I dare you to show us your panties.

What?

I was in a little blood.

I'm sorry, was that too? You gotta get ready for two.

Excuse me?

Okay, no, look, we'll bring out the real one. I'm sorry, did I make you... Was

that a little too forward?

A little.

Okay.

I'll give you a whole ten if you show us. I dare you. Why am I charged parking

lot? Look, you need... You have to give, like, Jesus, like, 10% of your money or

something anyway. This is money to make.

To help the church. Can we stop talking about the church? You are just a

blasphemer, aren't you?

A little blasphemer.

Look, I don't want to talk about church anymore. This is just four young people

having fun in a van, okay? That's it. Look.

Alright, maybe we're offending you with the dollars.

Maybe that's a little much.

Here, look. Here's $60. You let us see your pennies.

Okay. Yeah!

See, it's that same attitude, that loss of virginity. See?

That's coming out.

That's the one we got to talk to. We got to talk to the one that lost her

virginity. The crazy one inside of her.

Not the confessor.

I'd like you to just kind of open the legs and just kind of leave them open.

Oh, what the fuck? Come on.

That's why she didn't want to show up. Are you kidding me?

You're going to go get laid later, aren't you?

She was gonna say, is it one of the two or is this a third guy today?

He's new.

He's a new one, isn't he?

Was it?

Look, she's gonna go, oh my god, can you see? So now the first one, the second

one, or the third one?

Oh my god. Lay back.

Is it third time's a charm? I hope so.

You know what? I'm sorry.

Just for the hell of it.

Oh my god, just because you had enough balls to fucking wear that.

Oh my god.

Does this make you nervous a little bit? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Just think of me like a doctor. Wait, wait, wait. Where is this documentary

going? Oh, look. Reality sunk in.

Look, we're not having fun no more. Now she's curious. Wait a second.

Nobody really.

It's just us.

It's just us. It's just a couple friends just videotaping. That's all.

We really don't have no one to show.

It's just for our own good memories. So when we're 80 years old, we have

something to look back on. We can't put this in our documentary, obviously.

Yeah, obviously. That's crazy. We'd have to get you to sign shit.

You don't have to sign it, so you're never, you know. Okay. So no one will

see it. You have to sign things.

Yeah. This is just for fun, for us.

You believe us, right?

I guess.

I mean... You already showed us your panties. You already showed us. It's too

late. You might as well just...

It's not like it's live TV or anything.

I'll tell you what, I'll give you the... Is this live TV?

No. It's not live TV.

Can you open a little bit more?

So,

you've only lost your virginity a month ago.

I wonder if they licked her pussy good.

Well, she's tried more than one so he obviously didn't.

No. Those guys didn't lick your pussy, I bet you.

That's why.

Scumbags. All they did was they just took it from her.

Didn't even bother to lick her pussy. How unreasonable.

So if you've never had a guy down there kind of really lick it and suck it,

good.

I bet you've been thinking about it. That's last minute, but yeah.

You've probably masturbated to that thought, haven't you?

Confession.

Yeah, you thought about it?

Yeah?

Yeah? Is that what you thought of? Yeah.

You want my friend to lick that pussy for you?

Um... Maybe make you cum a little bit? We're paying you to let me lick your

pussy. Here, take the other one. I know you want to take it.

Come on.

What do you say?

We're paying you. Don't worry, he brushed his teeth.

Yeah, like two days ago.

It's good.

He's got no tartar.

Here, I'll tell you what. Let's do this.

Why don't you let him start?

And if you want him to stop, he'll stop.

No big deal.

All you gotta do is say, pineapples, and we'll stop.

On film?

Is the safety word. On film? Don't think of this. This is not really film. This

is just some... This is like personal masturbation material.

It's digital. It's nothing. It's not even... I feel like I'm gonna drag you

to confession.

I'll go with you. I'll go confess all of this right after.

Yeah, I don't care where I drop you guys off later.

Look, get all your money together. What do you say?

What do you say, huh?

Open the legs.

Huh?

Open the legs. Just a little bit.

What do you say, huh? She's not saying no yet.

Huh?

She's not saying no yet.

She's not saying no.

You just got to say no or pineapples.

There you go. So do you want him to stop?

You wanna understand?

Just say pineapples.

I'm gonna take it you want him to keep going I haven't heard pineapples yet

Whoa. Where the fuck are we going?

Well, I didn't think you'd notice.

It's okay. Just let them have some fun.

You're right. I don't want to be parked right out front here.

You're bringing me back though, right?

Oh, absolutely.

We'll take you anywhere.

Just have some fun. Don't worry about that.

Wanna take that dress off?

Kinda.

This is awesome, right?

I have other words for it.

No, this is amazing.

I'm going to be able to give you this later.

You're going to be able to look back at this and say, this was my third guy

ever.

Nobody ever has. Do you remember your third girl?

Nope. Nope, right? I have no documentation.

No documentation, no memories, no pictures, no nothing.

I don't know if that's a bad thing or... We already knew you were horny.

What are you talking about?

She

already

has a tattoo. She got a tattoo before she even fucking got a dick.

What kind of shit is that?

I like the way she just sits there.

Pretending she's innocent.

Yeah, open those legs.

Yeah, touch it like you touch it at home.

Like we know that you touch it at home.

So I'm guessing even though you gave up the pussy a

month ago.

I think you probably gave him a lot of head, didn't you?

You probably sucked a lot of dick, didn't you?

Well, fine.

Fine. You probably felt bad. You said, ah, I teased him. Let me just suck him

off so that way he doesn't bother me.

Then you probably learned to love sucking dick.

Now she probably loves sucking dick.

I bet you enjoy it, huh?

I do.

That's the last one.

What?

I want to see you touch it.

If you don't want to do nothing, well, you don't have to. Just take it out.

Say pineapples. Take it out.

Yeah, all you got to do is say pineapples.

I think she likes it.

Don't wanna get too wet.

Look at all your stuff over here.

She wasn't kidding.

She's like making love to that dick.

Shhh.

Plus he doesn't lie.

Oh my god!

Sorry, Jesus will clean that.

Whoa, what happened to the church girl?

That's awesome.

Yo, you're fucking amazing.

Can you believe you did something like that?

No.

At the same time, yeah.

Yo, so let's clean up a little bit.

Let's pull over. You want to clean up? Yeah, you can pull over right here. Oh,

there's a trash can right there. Cool.

Good. There you go. Yeah, let's get out.

I can't get it to work.

There you go.

It's awesome.

Sweater.

Do you want your sweater?

All right. I can put my gun anywhere.

That's cool.

So, where are you going?

I'm tired of the thing. Do it. No. What are you doing?

Just trust me on this one. No, hold on, Brick. Something just doesn't feel

right. Let me have her stuff.

What are you doing?

Brick, you know what happens if you get off this van, right?

I've accepted my fate.

You know what happens if you get off this van? There's no turning back now.

Thank you serious. I'm dead serious. I can't I can't take it I I think I love

her no way you really gonna stay out here with her He owes you he owes you

money he owes you money Yo, look how he's hugging her

I can't believe it the pussy was that good and he fucking got

out with her what a little pussy Look he took all her shit What a little pussy.

Did we keep the money though? Yeah, I can't wait to hear from him.