Original subtitles

Steroid psychosis.

Can't be sure.

I hated this place.

If I hadn't hated it so much, I would have never gone into holistic medicine.

Holistic medicine?

Hey, man, that's... At this point, there's nothing else.

Yes, there is.

Holistic medicine.

Cheryl, if it doesn't work... But it will work.

It just has to.

It just has to.

Sometimes I think they carve each other up just to keep us awake.

Hey, you want sleep, be a dermatologist.

Hey, you guys, 5 West just called. Cheryl Warren's having severe chest

pains and difficulty breathing.

Can't Kramer handle it? He's in emergency.

He's supposed to be working the wards. What's he doing in emergency?

He was mugged on his way to the hospital.

Easy, easy.

I've given you something for the pain, Cheryl. Try to relax.

Eight milligrams of morphine.

Where does it hurt, Cheryl?

She got a pericardial friction rub.

The EKG looks like pericarditis.

She's on cortisone, isn't she? Yeah.

Yeah, prednisolone, because of her kidney problems.

How much?

15 milligrams a day.

I'd increase that to 60 a day.

Trapper.

We can't start her on massive doses of cortisone without some bad side effects.

Doctor. Easy, Cheryl. Don't try to talk now. No more. No more cortisone.

Try unleaded gas or frozen yogurt.

They'll do just as well.

Not quite.

We're giving you the best treatment we can for your problem.

Some treatment.

Been here almost a month. Am I any better?

We warned you, Cheryl. It'll take a while for the medication to have any

real effect.

Oh.

I know the effects.

A fat face, hair on my chest.

I had a brain like tapioca pudding.

Cheryl. You know what I think?

I think you're two very groovy guys. Nice smiles.

Probably good dancers, too.

But when it comes to me and my disease, you really don't know what you're doing.

You're only guessing, right?

You're only guessing.

are guessing.

Hey, man, that's... You painting or

whittling? You take one step closer, man, and you're gonna be shish kebab.

You dig that?

Why don't you just put that thing away? I was about to compliment you on your

work. Yeah, I'll bet.

Oh, hey, Gons, I think we should... Hey, you forgot your paint.

Better call a war trapper.

Looks like another repair job.

Oh, yeah,

let me help you. Oh, thank you.

Not at all, Mr. Hollander.

You are Mason Hollander, right? Sure am.

Sorry. Gosh, dear.

Let me get that. I'm Dr.

Stanley Riverside II, Chief of Emergency Services. Thank you. Nice to meet you,

too. You know, I'm one of your biggest fans. I never miss an edition of your

magazine. Your good taste in your every edition shines through on every page.

Thanks, but I sold that rag three years ago. It was going downhill.

This your newest book? Yeah. Thought I'd distribute a few copies to your

patients. Well, what a considerate gesture.

Well, I was a patient here myself a few years back.

In fact, this hospital is responsible for saving my life.

Always nice to meet a satisfied customer.

Satisfied? Oh, no, no, I hated this place.

But if I hadn't hated it so much, I would have never gone into holistic

medicine.

Holistic medicine?

Yeah, that's what saved my life. In fact, that's what this book is all

about. Keep it, read it, enjoy it.

John, have you seen this piece of trash?

Come on, bring it up with you.

By up, do you mean up there?

Sure, join us for coffee.

Well, you know, I'm not too comfortable with heights.

It all goes back to something that happened when I was a kid.

Sammy, your coffee's getting cold.

Okay.

Get up, boy, Stanley.

Nice work.

Hey, see? It's not that high. I might throw up.

Come on, relax.

Sit down and have us some coffee.

Thank you. The view is kind of nice from here, isn't it? Now, what's that book

you want me to see? Oh, yeah, yeah. The Natural Way to Survive. It's all about

holistic medicine by Mason Holland.

Wasn't he a patient here? Oh, yeah, quite a guy. He was a publisher,

adventurer, philanthropist.

He even cured himself of terminal cancer.

That's right, I remember that.

You don't really believe all that junk, do you?

He claims he rejected all medicine and all medical principles.

He ate nothing but vitamins and vegetables, sat around watching Marx

Brothers movies.

And got well.

That's incredible.

That's poppycock. I was here, Stanley. I saw it happen.

We can learn a few things from the holistic approach.

Yeah, and he could put us out of business.

Listen, if it helped Hollander, it can help somebody else.

I mean, we don't have all the answers.

Well, neither does Mason Hollander.

And anyone who thinks it does is probably a communist sympathizer.

How do I...

Turn around. Hold my hand.

Turn around. Just turn around.

That's magnificent.

Isn't that amazing?

I'll say.

Who's the artist?

I don't know.

Probably some street kid. They're always sneaking in, marking up the walls.

Well, this kid definitely has talent.

Say what? Do me a favor.

If you find out who it is, would you have him get in touch with me?

My address is in the book.

Yeah, sure.

Thanks.

I'm not saying that all medicine is bad.

I'm just simply fed up with doctors that treat the symptoms instead of the

disease. They use harmful substances, drugs, chemicals, to deaden our nerves,

numb our brains, relax our muscles, and turn us into zombies.

Now, I think our bodies deserve much more respect than that.

In fact, I believe that there are natural forces in our bodies and in our

minds that can be called upon to fight and defeat any disease.

Look at me.

I had terminal cancer.

That's right.

Since I had nothing to lose, I decided to make some drastic changes.

I rejected all medical science and gave my body over to itself.

And that's what this book is all about.

Now, I'll leave some copies for you folks to read.

If I can save one life the way I saved mine, I'll be very grateful.

Mr.

Hollander? Excuse me, I'm Cheryl Warren.

Do you have a few minutes? I'd like to tell you all sorts of messy things about

myself. How can I pass up an offer like that?

Don't get me wrong, they're not really messy, messy.

Well, in a way, I guess they sort of are.

Good. The messier, the better.

Okay. Okay.

I've got a little something called systemic lupus erythematosus. Are you

impressed? Not yet.

Well, it's a sneaky little number, and it affects the heart, the kidneys, the

nervous system, everything.

Now I'm impressed.

What are they doing about it?

It took them forever to find out what was wrong, and even longer to figure out

how to treat it.

All they do is pump me full of cortisone, steroids.

And it hasn't helped?

Well, I don't know. I still feel lousy.

I'd be interested to know how you might treat it.

Well, uh, I'm not a doctor, as you know, and I wouldn't want to step in where I

don't belong.

But, uh, have you read my book?

No, but I will.

Well, good.

Tell you what, why don't you read it today, and if you're still interested,

give me a call, and I'll give you as much time as you need.

Okay, that's a deal. Thanks.

Good luck, Cheryl.

Brewster almost got himself in a little grappler.

Oh, yeah?

How you feel, Obi?

Lousy.

Hey.

So when's he getting out?

Two, three days. He took a pretty bad fall.

You mind taking your feet off the bed?

Yeah, I mind.

Hey, rooster, cool out.

What's with you clowns and your knives?

You know, we spend a lot of time stitching up kids like you, and I'm not

sure you're worth the trouble.

Hey, you watch your mouth, man. Now put that thing away before I show you what I

learned in proctology.

Go on, get out of here.

Visiting hours are over.

Come on, put the knife away.

Take care, Obie.

Yeah, Obie.

Take it easy.

Why do you hang around with those turkeys, Obie? They're nothing but bad

news. They're manglers, man. That's the top of the line.

Yeah.

So what does your family think of it?

My family? Mm-hmm.

My old lady's dead.

My old man's so drunk he doesn't even notice.

Got any brothers or sisters?

I don't know. I never asked.

Well, I hate to see you get buried in that crowd. You've got something they

haven't got.

Yeah?

Like what?

Like talent.

You're one hell of an artist, Obie.

That graffiti you painted last night's been stopping traffic out there in the

hall. You mean it's still out there?

Just the way you left it.

And I understand Mason Hollander wants to see you about it.

Who's he?

Well, he's a lot of things. He publishes magazines, he writes books, he collects

paintings, works with museums and art galleries.

And he digs my stuff, huh?

Come on.

No, we all dig it, Toby.

You don't have to be a mangler anymore.

You're an artist.

Hey, Doc.

You're not putting me on, are you? That thing I painted is still out there.

And it's gonna stay there.

I'll tell you what.

What are you doing?

Huh?

You come with me and I'll show you.

This is a joke. Come on. No, come on.

Eve.

I don't believe you. Hang on.

Joe, if you had any sense, you'd sign your name to that painting. Let people

know you did it. It's graffiti, man. Everybody signs graffiti.

And it's sure gonna stay there.

Big joke, huh?

You putting the kid on? Honest to God, Obie, I didn't know. Not much you didn't

know. You got a great sense of humor. You're a lap a minute, man.

Look, you do me a favor. You take your lousy joke someplace else.

Dirty trick, huh?

Who told him to do that?

Slocum, our noble administrator.

It's totally psychedelic.

No!

Please help me! No!

No!

Help me! What are you giving her?

10 milligrams of diastatic MIV.

Easy, Cheryl. We're just trying to help you.

Easy. Easy now. Nothing to be afraid of.

Easy, sweetheart.

Come on.

That's a girl. Calm down. You're all right.

We have no way of knowing what caused it. The lupus or the cortisone?

We upped the cortisone dosage.

There's got to be a steroid psychosis.

Can't be sure.

All right, let's taper off the cortisone, just in case.

Trapper!

Then what?

I'm damned if I know.

I've got to get my sleep.

Here.

Have some coffee and a prune Danish.

Oh, Starch, you're beautiful.

Where'd you get this?

The pathology lab.

They were saving it for the rats, but I talked them out of it.

I'm worried, Starch.

Then don't eat it.

I'm talking about Cheryl Warren.

Her mental state is a lot better, but she's going into kidney failure.

They can't use high doses of cortisone because neurology is sure she has a

steroid psychosis.

Have you found an alternative?

Not yet.

A lot of controversy in all this literature.

But you're not leaving here till you find the answer.

That it?

Trapper hmm, never mind drink your coffee and good luck.

I'm going to bed

Well

Cheryl

I think I got some good news for you.

Robert Redford is begging to meet me.

Better.

Warren Beatty.

No, no, no, no, no. This is medical stuff.

I've spent two days searching literature and talking to other consultants.

But I think we found a way to treat your problem.

Of course, I can't give you any guarantees, Cheryl, but I'm pretty sure

they'll help you.

In other words, you're still guessing.

I'm sorry.

I don't think I can take any more of that.

At this point, there's nothing else.

Yes, there is.

Holistic medicine.

I've been reading Mr. Hollander's book, and I spent all day yesterday talking

with him. He's convinced this will help me.

He's giving guarantees?

No.

But look what it did for him.

He wants me to stop all forms of medicine and medication. No more pills,

no more shots.

From now on, my days will be filled with beautiful thoughts, natural food, good

music, and lots of laughs.

In fact, he's sending over some Laurel and Hardy movies.

To cure SLE.

To create a positive environment where my mind and body can function.

Mr. Hollander will personally supervise the whole thing.

Cheryl, if it doesn't work... But it will work.

It just has to.

It just has to.

Okay, if I hang around just in case I'm needed.

Oh, frankly, I wish you would.

You could even share my alfalfa sprouts.

Thank you.

Move your fingers.

Any pain?

No, it's okay.

Good.

We'll probably be able to let you go home tomorrow.

Hooray.

Don't you want to go?

Oh, I can't wait.

Even my home is better than this dump.

Hey, Obie.

How you doing?

Oh, I'm doing great.

Did you get the stuff?

Yeah, right here.

What stuff?

Well, what is it? What's in the suitcase?

It's a dead body.

Yeah, we carved up a nosy doctor.

You know, you kids are the best argument for birth control that I know.

The door, come on.

All right, bring the stuff.

Come on, come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on.

What do you got?

Huh? You get everything?

What?

You know something?

I could sit through that again. Which is more than you can say for a cortisone

shot, right?

Oh, right.

See, that's the whole point of this holistic program.

It's to make you feel good, to make you feel alive, to encourage your body and

mind to savor the very essence of life.

Do I sound like a missionary or a car salesman?

A little of both.

Oh, hi, Doc. You just missed a great flick.

I'll catch it on the late show.

How are you feeling?

I have never felt better in my whole life.

And I've only been in the program for two days.

You want some popcorn?

No butter, no salt.

Oh, thanks.

Well, now that you're feeling better, I'd like to run some blood tests on you.

Just to see if... Sorry, John. No tests, no x-rays, nothing like that. See, we're

trying to eliminate all those negative elements.

Negative elements?

This hospital is full of them. Look around you. Every piece of equipment

represents disease, sickness, death.

I mean, everywhere you turn, someone is suffering from something.

When you're surrounded by so much misery, you've got to be miserable.

Depends on your point of view.

Are you, um...

Suggesting that Cheryl leave?

Yes, I think that would be a very good thing for her.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Dr. McIntyre said that he wants to keep an eye on me, and I think it's a pretty

good idea.

I mean, what if I was home alone and had another attack?

Cheryl, you're not going to have another attack.

Curative thinking, remember?

Your mind must will your body to rid itself of all those destructive forces.

I guess I'd better work on that.

Um, but...

Couldn't I stay here a while longer? I mean, I think I'd feel more comfortable.

Hey, whatever makes you happy. That's what this whole thing is about, being

happy. Okay?

Okay. John, how do you feel about Laurel and Hardy?

Uh, very positive for us.

I'd better be leaving. Oh, no, come on. Stay. Enjoy it with us. Oh, yeah, come

on. There's lots of room.

Um, can I have some more popcorn?

Oh, you can eat. Move over.

Open up.

Gonzo, this is an emergency.

Good morning, Stanley.

What's all the noise about? That patient here is that kid, Ubi. What's his name?

What about him? You better get up there. It's horrible.

I've never seen anything like it. Never.

Hey, watch the rush.

I don't know. Come on.

Come on, we all have our job to do, so let's go do it.

We have a lot of patients to worry about. Come on. Gabby, we're in the way

here. I'll get my lab coat, will you? Let's just clear out, all right?

Okay, smart guys.

Try and paint this out.

I can't believe it.

Where's Hollander? Is he around?

He's got to see this.

I think he's in Cheryl's room.

I'll get him.

Oh, thank you.

Mason!

There's something you've got to see. It's right down... What's happening?

I'm checking out, Doctor.

I thought you were worried about being alone.

Oh, she won't be alone. She'll be staying with me.

It's a big estate, lots of room, big house, plenty of servants.

It should be fun.

A positive environment.

Well, excuse us, John. I've got a limousine waiting.

Thanks for everything, Doctor.

IV nurse to 4 West. Stat.

IV nurse to 4 West. Stat.

I know you'll love it.

It's a unique experience. It's terribly inspiring.

Oh, what did you think of it, Mr. Slocum?

Oh, uh, yeah.

I'm sure you people realize that you're witnessing an artistic phenomenon.

Spontaneous expression of mind.

all this relax and enjoy it this is a hospital not a museum look at it as

therapy arnold anything like this could start a whole new future for ob sense of

self-esteem a new identity that's all very commendable but it doesn't solve

our problem charge admission mr slocum three bucks they had by the end of the

year you'll be able to build a brand new wing you know that's something to think

about

Jackpot, you would sell tickets to your own funeral.

How many do you want?

Two, I'm bringing a date. Here I am.

This young man is indeed an artist.

Only 16 years old.

His sense of mass and color is remarkable in a lad so young.

Remember the name.

Ovi Andriotti.

An awesome talent.

Crude, yes, primitive, but overpowering in its sensuality.

Yeah.

Pictures are nice, too.

When I first became aware of this wellspring of... Hi, Gonzo. You are an

awesome talent, Stanley. Crude, yes, primitive.

Never mind that. Where is Obie?

I transferred him to another room. Well, these people are dying to meet him. I

mean, if he's going to make a mess out of our walls, the least he can do is

cooperate. He's had enough interviews today already. He's got to get his rest.

He's going home tomorrow.

Dr. Gates?

I just checked Obie's vital signs, and he has a slight temperature.

How much?

110.

98.6.

What'd you do to the other one? Put a match to it?

Look, I just don't feel good. My head aches, my stomach hurts. I can't move my

arm the way I'm supposed to.

You're not sick, Obi.

You just don't want to go home, right?

Did I say that?

I don't blame you for feeling that way. You don't belong in that place, not

anymore.

So what are we going to do about it?

Get some sleep. We'll talk about it tomorrow.

It's just a dream, isn't it? A great big hallucination.

I'm not really here at all. I don't really feel this well.

It's a crazy fantasy.

A reaction to all those alfalfa sprouts.

Sorry to disappoint you, lady, but this is reality.

Wow, that's some reality.

I feel as though I've been reborn.

Well, in the way you have.

Here's to your new life, Cheryl.

Thank you for my new life.

Once you've regained your strength, I'm going to indulge you in a different

reality. It's called a tour of the world.

This world?

Every bit of it. Just the two of us, huh?

Two people who beat the medical system. Two holistic missionaries.

You interested?

I'd love it. I have never been farther away than Oakland.

Well, I'll tell you what then. We'll start a worldwide crusade. Pick up

disciples in every country and...

Who's that?

One of our disciples.

Hey, young man, what are you doing here?

You Mr. Hollander?

That's right.

Hi, I'm, uh, O.B.

Andriotti. Well, what can I do for you, Mr.

Andriotti? Well, the first thing you can do is you can tell your maid to let me

in the front door. I had to climb over the fence.

Sorry about that, but now you're here, uh... Well, uh, Dr. Gates.

See, at the hospital, he said that you, uh, wanted to see me.

Say that you, uh, dig artists or something. I don't know.

You're an artist?

Yeah.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you paint that, uh, graffiti in the

hospital corridor?

Yeah, mural.

Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, that was very good. Yeah, you're very

talented, O.B.

Thank you. I'm okay.

See, the thing is, I painted this whole room at the hospital, you know, just to

be smart and everybody's telling me how great I am.

What's the matter with her?

Cheryl, what's wrong?

Pain. Right here.

Awful pain.

You want to call Dr. Gates? No.

Why, I know where to reach him. No doctors.

Cheryl, listen to me.

This is the time for your curative thinking.

Cheryl, you've got to concentrate.

Concentrate. Tell your body to call out the troops.

You can deal with this thing.

Concentrate, Cheryl. You can make it work.

You can destroy the pain.

Help me, Mason.

Help me.

Hey, what are you doing? Hop in. We've got to pick up. We're a private company,

pal. We don't work for this hospital.

What are you doing here?

We just brought in a patient.

Transfer from North Beach General. Look, there's a sick girl out there. She needs

help. Tell her to go through the proper channels.

We don't go anywhere unless... Aren't you the klutz who dropped that patient

off the gurney this morning?

Me? No, I never... Yeah, and that friend of yours. He's the one who tied that

tourniquet so tight it caused a case of gangrene.

You're crazy.

I saw with my own eyes. I'm filing charges against both of you.

What's this?

Some kind of frame?

It won't work, pal.

Probably not.

But it'll keep you guys out of work for a week or two. Can you afford to lose

that much pay?

where you want to go.

Now concentrate on the pain.

Force it out of your body.

Your mind can destroy it. It's got to destroy it.

Did you call an ambulance?

No, I called Dr. Gates.

Concentrate.

There's been some mistake. Nobody needs an ambulance here.

What about Cheryl?

Oh, Cheryl's fine.

Sorry, guys. False alarm.

I'll send you a bill for the gas and oil.

Well, there's no need for you to stay, Dr. Gates.

Cheryl's perfectly... All right,

be back.

Cheryl's fine. Is she... She doesn't need your help.

She's got peritoneal signs, maybe a perforated intestine.

Michelle, we've got to get you to the hospital. You may need surgery.

No! Cheryl, listen to me.

The lupus may be cutting off the blood supply to the intestine. If we don't get

in there to check it out, it could be fatal. Look, we'll handle it our own

way. Thank you very much.

What the hell is wrong with you? Doesn't her life mean anything to you?

It means everything to me.

Now get out of my way so I can help her. Look, this program of yours works

beautifully in certain areas, but this isn't one of them. Now, she needs

surgery. Don't you understand that?

Look, I told you, we'll handle it our own way.

You're dealing with her life, Hollander.

Why don't you let her decide that?

Ah!

Okay. Okay.

Cheryl.

I know I can help you my way.

our way I've got to help you because Because

I love you and I need you Mason But if

if you don't have the same faith as I do I'll understand if you want surgery

No,

no surgery

She's all yours.

See you at the funeral.

Let's get out of here.

I thought we were leaving.

Later.

Just sit down and keep quiet, will you?

He doesn't know we're still here?

Right.

Well, don't you think we should tell him? No.

You just quit talking so much.

Look, I'll tell you something. That dude's crazy. He's whacked out. He tells

her he loves her, then he lets her suffer.

Well, doesn't that bother you?

Sure does.

Well, then why don't you do something about it? I am. You're sitting here.

Right.

You

know

something? I think you're as crazy as he is.

It's his ego. It's all wrapped up in that crazy stuff he believes in.

That holistic stuff isn't crazy. It makes a lot of sense, and it's done a

lot of good.

Just like medicine or any science, it has its limitations.

Awful paint!

Yeah, how come he doesn't know that?

He will. Give him time.

Look, I want to tell you something. That lady is dying out there, and it's his

ego. That means more to him than her life.

I hope you're wrong.

Because if you're right, then I'm wrong.

And if that's the case, then we're in a lot of trouble.

Help her, Doc.

Please.

Call an ambulance. Fast.

What do you think?

It looks terrible. I mean, we've got two areas here. The blood supply is really

poor. You going to resect it?

I have no choice.

Pete, how much blood do you have available?

Four units.

And a retractor.

I'm having a little bit of a problem maintaining our blood pressure.

It could be caused by adrenal suppression.

I hate to say this, but you better give us more cortisone IV.

This place hasn't changed a bit.

It's even got the same old magazines.

You've been here before?

Yeah, my old man was here. He fell off a bar stool, split his head open. Had to

wait here while they stitched him up.

Is he your only family?

Ain't that enough?

Listen, I got a lot of room at my place.

Plenty of room for you and your brushes and paints.

You mean that?

Yeah. We'll have to get your father's approval.

That's all right. He won't even know I'm gone.

All right.

You can use the gazebo as your studio.

Really concentrate on your artwork.

That's terrific.

That's really terrific. I won't have to eat the same stuff that you eat, though,

will I?

No. Okay.

You got a deal.

Dr. Cobb, CCU.

Dr. Cobb, please report to CCU.

How'd it go?

Well, I love it with you. She had a rough time in there.

She's not out of the woods yet.

But she's going to make it.

We hope so.

It's going to be a while before we know for sure.

She's a tough little girl. Doesn't give up easily.

Yeah.

Thanks, Doc.

Impressive, isn't it?

How come you didn't paint it out?

Maybe we like it.

Well, you're going to have to use two coats to paint it out, I mean.

We're not going to paint it out, Obi. We like it. We're keeping it just the way

it is.

Why?

Well, for one thing, it wears better than wallpaper, and secondly, it's

bringing us a lot of publicity.

But most important, it's a collector's item. We're raising the price of the

room. It'll cost a small fortune to be sick in here.

How come I don't get a cut?

Listen to that.

I thought artists were supposed to be lousy businessmen.

Well, I'll settle for 10% on the cost of the paint.

I'll tell you what. Why don't I let you and our hospital administrator battle

this one out?

You know, I think Arnold Slocum has finally met his match. Come on.

Any change?

Nothing.

It frightens me.

It's funny, you know.

I wasn't aware of it.

But I was, uh... I was using her as a pawn.

Someone I could easily manipulate.

Use as a living showpiece for my holistic conditioning.

Now I'm the pawn.

Waiting for her to make her next move.

Get well enough to forgive me.

I guess that's my punishment for causing all this, huh, Doc?

Come on, Mason. You can't feel guilty for all that.

But the lupus has caused all the problems.

I'll put her on combination therapy.

That should keep things under control for a while.

Along with the good.

healthy, holistic diet.

And Aberdeen Costello?

What did you say?

Okay, I'll settle for Laurel and Hardy.

And I'll bring the popcorn.

Gates! Gates, open up, please. It's an emergency.

What's the matter, Stanley?

What's wrong now?

It's Obie.

What about it? It's in his room. It's terrible, really. I'm not kidding this

time. You'd better get up there.

This is horrible. It's a catastrophe.

That's a really dumb thing to do. I hope you got a good reason.

Ask Mr. Slocum.

What's he got to do with it? He wouldn't give me my 10%. And for a lousy

percentage, you're wiping out all your hard work?

Yeah, it's easy. But this was a work of ours.

So? I can do it any time I want. All I need is a blank wall.

Come with me.

What for?

I want to show you what he painted on Slocum's wall.

Oh, boy.