Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

[BELL TOLLING]

The plane! The plane!

[WOMEN CHUCKLING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Smiles, everyone. Smiles.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

TATTOO: Boss, I recognize her.

She's the centerfold Chick of the Year of Rooster magazine.

I see you know the publication.

Sure. I buy the magazine all the time.

TATTOO: Uh, to read the articles.

ROARKE: If you had read at least

the captions under some of the pictures,

you would know that the young lady

is Miss Erica Clark, and that she's just retired

from her career as a centerfold model.

Which is what makes her fantasy so intriguing.

Boss, she don't need a fantasy. She is a fantasy.

ROARKE: To men, yes, she was precisely that.

A sex object to be pursued

and possessed for her beauty.

Regardless of who or what she was

as a human being.

That is why she now wants to reverse the procedure.

Reverse the procedure?

Yes. Miss Clark's fantasy is to be able to treat men

as sex objects for a change.

Boss, every man would line up for her,

for that fantasy.

No. Even on Fantasy Island,

sexual attraction is a mysterious

and unpredictable commodity.

Fulfilling her fantasy

may be far more difficult than it sounds, my friend.

That's Mr. Jason Smith, a rancher from Oregon.

TATTOO: What's his fantasy?

Uh, Mr. Smith has always romanticized

being a war hero.

He wishes to lead a valiant group of men

on a daring commando raid.

Boss, we are not going to start a war for him, are we?

Ah. No, Tattoo,

I think we can manage without that.

Ah, but, um, his fantasy does pose

certain tactical problems.

I know what you mean. Like getting killed.

There is always that danger, of course,

but there is also the risk of disillusionment.

You mean his fantasy won't turn out like he wishes?

There is that distinct possibility,

my friend, yes.

Now...

My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

-Ah, Miss Clark. -[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

-Oh, Mr. Roarke, have a seat. -Thank you.

Well, I must admit... [SIGHS]

...that you've aroused my curiosity.

Uh, why did you ask me to meet you here

before the beginning of your fantasy?

Because I'd like for you to understand why I asked

for my fantasy, Mr. Roarke, and why I need it so badly.

Oh?

Please watch.

-[MAN WHISTLING] -[CROWD CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

MAN: Hey!

Hey, babe, you remember me.

-No. -Sure you do.

Big Earl Sanderson. [CLICKS TONGUE]

I introduced myself at the, uh, Rooster mag's big business bash.

I'm still a little angry at you

for not going to Acapulco with me, though.

I don't work for Rooster magazine anymore,

Mr. Sanderson. Goodbye.

[LAUGHS] Oh, you've gotta be kidding.

I'm not gonna let you out of my sight.

I'm gonna have a little private party

for the guys in my tire distributorship,

and I want you to stop by and, uh...

hit a few poses, you know what I mean?

Obviously, you weren't paying attention, Mr. Sanderson.

Miss Clark is no longer in that line of work.

[♪♪♪♪♪♪]

Big Earl pays big bucks, sweetheart.

Think it over.

[SIGHS] Well, if that gentleman is, uh, typical of the...

admirers you attracted as a centerfold,

your modeling career

must have been quite an ordeal, huh?

Mr. Roarke, working for Rooster magazine paid

for my college education,

and, uh, most of what you call my admirers

are just plain ordinary guys

that like to look at pretty girls. [CHUCKLES]

Actually, it's kind of flattering, but...

ROARKE: But gentlemen like Mr. Sanderson

are another matter.

They assume you're a stereotype.

Beautiful but dumb, cheap and available.

Uh, an impression they perhaps got from your...

centerfolds, huh?

-Yes. -Yes.

And I've made a promise to myself that I'm never going

to do this kind of work again, ever.

But I'm beginning to feel a little bit ashamed

of myself, Mr. Roarke.

Am I being wrong or mean to want this fantasy?

I try not to make moralistic judgments

of my clients' desires.

But I imagine your fantasy is harbored by many ladies.

Only you can determine if it's right or wrong.

Then we can get started right away?

Of course.

Since you are going to become what some would call

a female chauvinist,

uh, you will need some of the weapons employed

by successful male chauvinists.

[PAPER RUSTLING]

Money...

and, uh, an expensive automobile.

ERICA: Oh, fabulous.

I have also made a reservation for you at a very special club

on the other side of the island.

Uh, if you hurry,

you can still make the matinee performance.

Good luck and, uh...

I hope your fantasy doesn't prove,

uh, unsatisfactory.

Oh, don't worry, Mr. Roarke,

I expect to love every minute of this.

ERICA: Every little minute.

ROARKE: Oh, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting,

-Mr. Smith. -Oh, no problem, Mr. Roarke.

Uh, please have a seat, won't you?

May we offer you something to drink?

-Look, I, uh, thank you, -Tattoo--

but I'm-- I'm very anxious to get this thing moving.

Mr. Roarke, Fantasy Island is my last hope

of becoming the kind of soldier I always wanted to be.

And yet you served in the United States Marine Corps?

Oh, yeah. One full hitch.

Did you make it to the shores of Tripoli?

[CHUCKLES] Oh, make that Korea, Tattoo,

but just after they signed the peace treaty. I, uh...

[INHALES, EXHALES] ...I never saw combat.

I see. Uh, please, do sit down, won't you, Mr. Smith?

Uh, I understand you are a married man,

-huh? -Yeah. Hmm.

Does your, uh, wife approve of this little adventure?

[EXHALES] Well, she doesn't like it,

but she knows that I have to do it.

[SMITH INHALES DEEPLY] Look, I'm...

[SCOFFS] I'm like an actor who prepared

for an opening night that never came.

I've gotta...

taste what it's like to be under fire.

I have to find out whether I can cut it.

Can you understand that?

[SIGHS] Once, just once...

I want to feel what it's like to be responsible

for a mission,

responsible for its success.

Or its failure.

-[PHONE RINGING] -Excuse me.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[CLICKS TONGUE] Yes?

Are there any hostages aboard?

Yes. Yes, yes, of course. Uh, keep me informed.

[PHONE CLACKS]

I have just permitted a hijacked aircraft

to land at a remote landing strip

on the other side of the island.

Well, Mr. Smith, you wanted a fantasy

involving combat against a dangerous

and determined enemy for very high stakes.

I hope saving eight innocent lives

fits that purpose,

because your fantasy has just begun.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

MALE TERRORIST 1: Come on!

FEMALE TERRORIST: Move it! Come on!

[HOSTAGES CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Kick it in!

MALE TERRORIST 1: Come on, lady, move! Let's go!

-Come on! Move it! -Uh-ho.

WOMAN: Uh-ha. Stop, please.

["BOOGIE WONDERLAND" BY EARTH, WIND & FIRE PLAYING]

[WOMEN CHEERING]

WOMAN: Shake it, shake it, shake it.

[WHOOPING]

[CLAPPING]

♪ Dance ♪

♪ Boogie wonderland ♪

♪ Ha, ha, dance ♪

♪ Boogie wonderland... ♪

JACKIE: Hello. Welcome to the Jack Rabbit Club.

I'm Jackie Flynn, the owner. Have you a reservation?

Oh, I think Mr. Roarke made one for me.

Oh, yes. Erica Clark.

Well, have I got a table for you.

Right this way, my dear.

♪ The mirror stares you in... ♪

Best spot in the house.

♪ Baby, uh, uh It don't work ♪

♪ You say your prayers Though you don't care ♪

♪ You dance and shake the hurt

[CROWD CHEERING]

♪ Boogie wonderland ♪

♪ Dance ♪

♪ Boogie wonderland ♪

♪ Sounds fly through the night ♪

♪ I chase my vinyl... ♪

Oh, that's it, baby! Whoo! Show those muscles! Yeah!

All right!

Ooh!

Hi. I'm Marlene McQueen.

This your first time at the club?

Uh-huh. I'm Erica Clark.

How did you know this was new to me?

Mm. 'Cause I've seen you sitting there trying

to look ladylike, you know.

Only you don't have to worry about that here,

because here, we're number one.

-Us. The women. You know? -[CHUCKLES]

Hey, baby, show me something!

[GIGGLES] You like it?

It's kind of a reversal of roles.

Mm-hmm. You know it. Back home,

I'm a bartender in one of these, uh, hardhat bars.

And let me tell you something, I mean, every hard hat

is a hard head full of crude remarks.

[CHUCKLES] And turning the tables like this is heaven.

[WHOOPS] Higher, baby! You won't break nothing!

[CHUCKLES]

[WHISTLES]

[WOMEN CLAPPING]

-How am I doing? Thank you. -That was great!

♪ I find romance when I start To dance in Boogie... ♪

ROARKE: Uh, this is the basic layout.

As you can see, extreme caution must be used.

There is no safe approach to the area.

Uh, this man that you sent for, Bouvier?

What's his background?

Uh, Mr. Emile Bouvier

has enviable credentials for your purpose.

Indeed, he is the kind of man

a great many men would like to be.

Adventurer, French Foreign Legion,

a commando, spy, agent provocateur.

All his adult life, a soldier of fortune.

-In other words, a mercenary. -[DOOR CLOSING]

ROARKE: Yes, and a very successful one,

who, since World War II, has fought

under many flags and banners.

Boss, if you need a volunteer for your raid, count on me.

Uh, thank you, Tattoo, but, uh... [CLEARS THROAT]

...uh, if it's not too great an imposition,

you might make certain that our lady guests

are having a good time.

Oh, I'll do my best, boss. Um, good luck, gentlemen.

Uh, Mr. Bouvier, this is Mr. Jason Smith,

uh, the man who will be in charge of the operation.

Uh, Mr. Smith will fill you in on the details.

ROARKE: Ah, Mr. Smith, uh...

in order to fulfill your mission,

you'll need a small but expert team of trained men.

SMITH: Tanner.

Captain Buck Tanner,

one of the biggest heroes we had in Korea.

Demolition expert.

He now runs a salvage operation on the other side of the island.

Who's this one?

ROARKE: Mr. Harry Forbes, Army Intelligence,

CIA, specialist in surveillance techniques.

I know him. A dirty little man for dirty little jobs.

They call him Weasel.

Do we need him?

BOUVIER: He and Tanner are all we got.

Right, Roarke?

I made arrangements for you to meet, uh, Mr. Forbes

and Mr. Tanner at the salvage yard.

Uh, Mr. Bouvier will supply you

with whatever equipment you may need.

Let's get to it.

[PAPER RUSTLING]

[DOOR OPENING]

C'est la guerre.

[DOOR CLOSING]

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

[WOMEN CHEERING]

WOMAN: All right!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

MARLENE: Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby!

[WHOOPS]

MARLENE: Okay, honey, come on!

Teach me how to boogie!

[WOMEN CHEERING]

Adorable!

So, ladies! Are you having a good time?

ALL: Yeah!

JACKIE: Well, there's more of the same, only better.

You know, here, the lady is king!

ALL: Yeah.

So, come on, ladies, order up some more drinks

because we're gonna start the next show!

-Here we go! -[ALL CHEERING, APPLAUDING]

-[MUSIC PLAYING] -[EXCLAIMS]

[POLICE SIREN BLARING]

[WOMEN CHEERING]

Oh, my gosh!

Oh!

[MARLENE SCREAMING]

MARLENE: You're adorable!

Oh, that's it, honey!

Oh! Give it to me! Whoo!

All right!

[EXCLAIMS]

[MUSIC PLAYING CONTINUES]

What would you ladies like?

Oh!

You, baby. I'll treat you right.

MAN: Thank you, but that's for the dancers.

I just serve drinks here, uh, what'll you have?

Oh, come on, honey bunch,

don't play hard to get. [CHUCKLES]

Look, we want you to have a good time here,

but take it easy, all right?

-I'll get it for you. -Thank you, uh,

the show is just starting, so enjoy yourself,

and, uh, don't touch.

Don't you think you ought to take it easy?

Look, sweetie, don't give me that.

I think you're cute. And I want you.

Well, sweetie, it's not for sale, uh...

I think your friend needs some fresh air.

Yeah, a straitjacket would be better. [CHUCKLES]

ERICA: Oh, may I have another screwdriver, please?

-Okay. I'll be right back. -[SHOUTS] Hey!

It is not okay with me.

Come on, Marlene, don't start a scene.

I can do anything I want!

I didn't come in here to-- to get a turnoff.

Marlene, sit down!

[♪♪♪♪♪]

What... happened?

JACKIE: All right, everybody, now calm down!

Relax! Take it easy!

Drinks on the house!

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

SMITH: Now, the area's wide open.

As you can see, there's not too much cover.

We'll probably be outnumbered.

SMITH: The only way any of us are gonna get in there close

is to create a diversionary tactic.

Captain Tanner, that's where you come in.

Everything depends on your blowing

this fuel storage dump to cover the action.

Yeah, okay, okay. I just want to know

how many ter-- terrorists are there gonna be?

Well, that's what Forbes is gonna tell us.

As soon as we get close enough to the site,

he and I will go in to take a close look,

get a head count, find out exactly what we're up against.

-TANNER: Hmm. -[SIGHS]

Mr. Forbes, you with us?

Oh, yeah. Sure.

BOUVIER: All right, getting back to the raid...

why not take a couple of armored cars and go

in there and blast them out of there?

Mr. Bouvier, the idea is to save the hostages, not to kill them.

As soon as you set off this explosion,

the two of you get to the building as fast

as you can, in order to back up Bouvier and me.

I-- I don't like it.

Any other ideas?

Then get your stuff together.

Your hero captain has a big problem, Smith.

What makes you say that?

It's just a hunch, my friend.

Just a hunch.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

No, no, no, I won't press charges.

It's bad for business.

Look, just see that she gets back to her hotel,

and for goodness sakes, make sure she sobers up.

-MARLENE: Um. -[SIGHS]

Geez, I just wanted to have a good time. Boy, oh, boy!

[MARLENE SCOFFS]

And now for you two.

You, my dear, just pay your bill and leave.

And you, Walter, you can go along with your girlfriend,

-because you're fired. -Girlfriend?

-She's not my girlfriend. -I'm not his girlfriend.

-I don't even know-- -Besides, I--

-Oh, come on, knock it off! -I didn't do anything.

Look, only a girlfriend would mix it up

with a bombed out broad who was lousing up her sweetie,

so save me the excuses, will you?

Now look, Walter,

you knew my rules when you took this job.

No getting chummy with the customers, okay?

I wasn't getting chummy!

I was getting grabbed by the other one!

Oh, and your girlfriend here didn't like it.

Couldn't you handle it without starting a brawl?

Look, Jackie, that other woman

-was way out of line. -Oh.

-I do my job! My job isn't... -Oh.

...to get grabbed by a drunk broad!

-Jackie, will you listen to me? -[DOOR CLOSING]

I heard about your altercation, Miss Clark.

I am sorry your fantasy has caused you distress.

My fantasy is not the problem.

It's that hard-nosed Jackie Flynn.

She thinks I'm some sort of a stage door Johnny,

messing around with her waiters.

Have you ever heard of anything so ludicrous?

Oh, yes. But customarily a stage door Johnny

is a Johnny, not a Jane.

And the waiter is a lady,

who may not precisely be a lady all the time,

uh, but she's certainly not a gentleman, and--

-Do you find this confusing? -No.

Yes! And irritating!

Uh, I-- I cost Walter his job, and I didn't mean to do it.

[ERICA CLICKS TONGUE] Oh, and I feel terrible about it.

He's a nice guy.

Oh, Mr. Roarke, what can I do?

I really don't know.

[CLICKS TONGUE] However...

your fantasy was, uh, for a role-reversal situation.

And if this situation were reversed,

a gentleman, who had gotten a lady fired,

would certainly try to find her and apologize.

Certainly you don't expect me to chase him all over town!

He's a total stranger!

ERICA: You don't want me to apologize for something

that wasn't my fault in the first place, do you?

In a sense, your fantasy was to compete

in the battle of the sexes as a member of the enemy camp.

How far you wish to carry this, only you can determine.

And I'm sure you will.

[GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

You can't drown your ghosts

with that stuff, my brave captain.

All you'll accomplish in the end is blowing us all to hell.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[GRUNTING CONTINUES]

[BOUVIER GROANS]

[BOTH PANT]

-[BOUVIER GRUNTS] -[CHOKES]

Knock it off!

You hear me? I said knock it off!

Both of you! Both of you, knock it off!

Both of you better damn well

save your energies for what's coming tomorrow!

Whatever you got going between you,

you can settle it later. You understand that?

Ain't this fun?

[SIGHS]

FORBES: One, two guards out front.

FORBES: Three, four, all with automatic weapons.

Six. Yeah, there's six of them,

including the two guards outside.

Oh, hey, one of them is a woman.

[CHUCKLES] She's cute.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

SMITH: Linda!

FORBES: Well, you know one of them?

Linda. That's my wife inside there!

Miss Clark,

this is Master Walter Wilde's apartment.

He's been in there since he's been fired.

Thanks, Tattoo.

I couldn't have found it without you.

-[SMOOCHES] -Thank you.

[SIGHS SOFTLY]

GIRL: Daddy, it looks like another one

of your admirers followed you home.

I didn't realize anyone might have done this before.

Sure. Pushy ladies aren't unique around here.

Hey, Dinah, I think that's enough, okay? [LAUGHS]

I don't think every visitor wants a chapter out

of the Wilde family soap opera.

Why don't you go see how the spaghetti's doing, okay?

Okay, Pop.

Look, uh, I don't want to seem rude,

but, uh, this is my home, and...

Well, I like spending time alone with my daughter,

and getting fired always kind of wipes me out.

So I know you'll excuse me. [CHUCKLES]

Please, I'm really sorry about what happened.

I mean, getting you fired and everything.

Why don't you forget it?

It really wasn't your fault anyway, yeah.

Thanks for coming by, okay?

Look, I don't want to seem pushy or anything,

but I'm sure you must have to watch your budget,

I mean, with your daughter growing up and everything,

and I just happen to be temporarily loaded...

uh, with... [CHUCKLES] ...money, not food,

and, uh,

I'd love to buy you both the best steak dinner in town.

I'm not very good at this. [CHUCKLES]

No, you're not. [CHUCKLES]

But, you know, I think I caught a glimmer of, uh, sincerity

under all those modifying phrases, and...

well, I can respond to that.

Only a glimmer?

All right, maybe two glimmers. [CHUCKLES]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

If Daddy didn't throw you out by now,

he's probably gonna ask you to stay for dinner.

And you were listening, weren't you?

No. But if we are going

out to dinner, I'd like a big steak. [CHUCKLES]

But I'd buy the wine,

and it's got to be burgundy and it's gotta be cheap.

[ERICA CHUCKLES] Deal.

ERICA: I'll pick you up at eight, okay?

-Sure. -Okay. Bye.

ERICA: Bye-bye.

-Daddy, do you like her? -Mm.

-Beginning to. -[CHUCKLES]

MALE TERRORIST 1: Should have heard something by now.

FEMALE TERRORIST: They're not gonna make the trade.

MALE TERRORIST 1: So what do you suggest?

Get the hostages back in the plane.

Land somewhere else and start new negotiations.

Things are too quiet here.

They could have a whole army around this place by now.

Big deal.

They just try one move and they got a room full

of dead hostages.

If they haven't released our comrades by 6:00 a.m.,

we give them their first sacrifice.

Just like I promised.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

This one.

MALE TERRORIST 1: A beautiful example

of a decadent society.

It's only right that she should die first.

-[OBJECTS CLANKING] -Roarke...

I want to call off my fantasy. Cancel the whole damn thing.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, but I can't oblige you.

Oh, yes, you can.

My wife's a prisoner of those loonies.

That wasn't part of the deal.

Oh, what you must understand, Mr. Smith,

is that the hijacking is very real, indeed.

ROARKE: I can't change the fact

that your wife happened to be a passenger on that flight.

You mean that's not part of the fantasy?

In no way.

SMITH: Oh, this whole thing stinks.

I don't like any of it, including those three misfits,

those nuts you got me hooked up with.

-Nuts? -Yeah.

Those guys are supposed to be commandos?

Two of them tried to kill each other,

the other one, a peeping Tom.

These are the hotshot raiders that are supposed to back me up

and go in against those terrorists?

Perhaps they will surprise you.

Well, I don't want any surprises,

not with Linda's life on the line.

[SMITH SIGHS] Look, Roarke... [BREATHES DEEPLY]

...doing this ego trip for fun, that's one thing,

but with my wife inside there, that's something else.

Such unexpected obstacles

are often the real test of a hero, Mr. Smith.

[PIANO PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

That's the best meal I've had in months.

I'm gonna remember it during all the spaghetti to come.

-[CHUCKLES] -[CHUCKLES] And do you foresee

a lot of spaghetti in your future?

Tons.

Dad and I had things under control,

but now that he's out of work,

we're really gonna have to cut back.

Tuition costs an arm and a leg.

-Tuition? -[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

For my last semester in medical school.

It's due tomorrow at registration.

I was gonna get a salary advance from Jackie at the club,

but that's out now. [CHUCKLES]

You mean you were working

at the club to pay for your education?

Working my way through college.

It sounds like a gag, doesn't it? [CHUCKLES]

But it's true.

WALTER: The pay was great, the hours were short,

so I could spend enough time with Dinah and the books.

But it's no big deal.

WALTER: It's been on and off again for ten years.

I'll just drop out again and I'll, uh, get another job,

build up enough cash, and then I'll go back.

But it seems so unfair. I-- I mean,

there was absolutely no reason for you to be fired.

ERICA: I feel like it's all my fault.

Look, it's nobody's fault. That's just the way things are.

[INHALES] I think Dinah's had it.

[WALTER CHUCKLES] All that steak pooped her out.

[CHUCKLES]

Look, I want to thank you, and... I mean it.

Come on, darling.

Walter, I wish there was something I could do.

Well, just don't worry, okay? And, uh, finish your coffee.

Dinah and I are pretty tough cookies.

It's an easy walk home.

Wait.

[SMOOCHES] Thanks.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

Mr. Roarke, unless Walter gets his job back,

he's going to have to drop out of medical school.

Can't you talk to Jackie Flynn for him?

Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Clark,

but I have no influence with the lady.

ROARKE: And since fraternizing with the customers

is strictly against Jack Rabbit Club rules,

any chance there might have been for his reinstatement is over.

But you can't just stand back and let that happen to him.

Ah, Miss Clark, may I remind you

that your fantasy was to assume the role of a,

shall we say, uh, dominant...

female in a situation where males were passive?

ROARKE: Well, you have done that,

and what has happened as a result

is solely your responsibility.

I'm sorry, I wish I could help you.

Will you excuse me?

Tattoo, can't you think

-of anything? -[TATTOO SIGHS]

Well, uh, maybe, but I'm not too wild about it.

[TATTOO CLICKS TONGUE] There is a man

who has been asking to talk to you about a soft job.

He said that Big Earl pays big bucks.

But I swore I'd never get into that costume again.

Well, I'm sure your friend Walter will understand that.

Well, maybe just once more.

If I could just handle Big Earl right,

I could help Walter

without getting myself into big trouble.

Maybe.

Seventeen forty-five, Tanner.

BOUVIER: We need that explosion. Don't lose your nerve, Captain.

Let's move.

BOUVIER: Two minutes to go.

We have less than two minutes.

-Come on. Come on! -[BREATHES HEAVILY]

[STAMMERS] I can't move.

[CLACKING]

Wait a minute, I heard something.

You alert them inside. I'll check it out.

SMITH: It's time. Where the hell is that explosion?

Win some, lose some.

Mr. Roarke.

-Why'd you send for me? -[SNIFFLES]

I thought perhaps you should see this, Mr. Wilde.

ERICA: I swore I'd never do this again.

If you don't want to go through with it...

I can always tell him that the deal is off.

But I'm not doing it for myself this time, Tattoo.

That's the difference.

Erica, baby!

Right on time, too.

Let me look at you.

Mmm!

EARL: You won't be needing this, honey.

No, you won't be needing that at all!

You know what I mean, sweetheart? [LAUGHING]

-Here she is, guys. -[MEN CHEERING, WHISTLING]

What's she doing?

She is doing something she detests

in order to help a friend. You, Mr. Wilde.

I don't understand.

I'll be happy to explain.

[WHISPERS] Come on, let's get out of here. Hurry up.

Weasel and Tanner, where the hell are they?

They're not gonna make it, Smith. We're on our own.

[SIGHS] I'll give them a couple of more minutes.

And then what?

Then, my friend, we'll go in alone.

[INHALES, EXHALES]

SMITH: I'll duck behind the jeep.

One minute. Cover me.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[TICKING]

[GUN COCKS]

[RATTLING]

[WHISPERS] Now! Now!

[TICKING]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

-[HOSTAGES SCREAMING] -[LINDA GROANS]

MAN: Get down! Everybody, get down.

Stay down.

[CLATTERING, EXPLODING]

[HOSTAGE SCREAMING CONTINUES]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

SMITH: Don't move! Drop your weapons!

[GUNSHOTS]

[HOSTAGES SCREAMING]

[GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]

LINDA: Jason!

[WOMAN GROANS]

-[MALE TERRORIST 2 GRUNTS] -[GUNSHOTS CONTINUE]

-FEMALE TERRORIST: Get up! -Hold it!

[FEMALE TERRORIST GASPING, SCREAMING]

Put your hands over your head!

FEMALE TERRORIST: All right, we give up!

-Look out, Smith! -[GUNSHOT FIRING]

[GROANS]

-[CLATTERING] -[GROANS]

Watch them.

LINDA: Please! Please let me go!

Smith, out there!

-[LINDA WHIMPERING] -MALE TERRORIST 1: Get down!

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[GUNSHOT]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[GUNSHOT]

MALE TERRORIST 1: Stay away, man.

You're empty. I counted your shots.

[FIRE CRACKLING]

[GRUNTS, GROANS]

Drop it.

[GUN COCKS]

You'd better take up a different line of work, pal.

-[EARL WHOOPING] -[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

EARL: All right!

Hit it! Hit it!

-[MAN WHOOPING] -All right!

[EARL WHOOPING]

-[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING] -EARL: All right! Hit it!

Hit it!

Mm...

All right!

Now, uh, take it all off, honey.

Uh, uh. Uh, this is all you get.

A few pictures in the costume, and that was our deal.

Uh, look, fellows, uh,

save some of your film for something really worthwhile.

Now you took my money, doll...

and Big Earl always gets his money's worth.

Big Earl's liable to get a fat lip if he doesn't back off

-and fast. -ERICA: No, Walter.

It's all right. Look, I'll-- I'll handle it.

Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do.

This is not the way I want to finish medical school.

Oh, medical school, huh?

Well, that's just perfect...

'cause I'm gonna put you in the hospital.

[EARL GRUNTS]

[EARL GROANS]

[ALL LAUGHING]

-Look, sex symbol... -Oh. [CHUCKLES]

...you and me ought to stick together, huh?

WALTER: I mean, that is if you don't mind,

uh, being treated just like an ordinary woman

by an ordinary man.

I thought you'd never ask. [CHUCKLES]

[ERICA CHUCKLES]

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

-[BOUVIER BREATHES HEAVILY] -Just take it easy.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[CLATTERING]

Emile...

-[BOUVIER BREATHES HEAVILY] -SMITH: you saved my life.

Good show, Jason.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

C'est la guerre.

[GROANS]

[♪♪♪♪♪]

Who was he, Jason?

A hero. [SIGHS]

SMITH: A real one.

Thank you very, very much, Mr. Roarke.

You're very welcome, Miss Clark.

-Thank you. -Bye-bye.

-Bye, Tattoo. -Goodbye, Mr. Wilde.

-Bye. -TATTOO: Bye.

[♪♪♪♪♪]

[WOMEN LAUGHING]

Thanks for making

my fantasy come true, Mr. Roarke.

DINAH: It's great to have a whole family again.

I was getting sick of eating Daddy's spaghetti.

[WHISPERS] Oh.

A very satisfactory conclusion, my friend.

ROARKE: Miss Clark and Mr. Wilde have demonstrated

that no one can make a sex object of another

without becoming less of a person in the process.

[CAR APPROACHING]

-Mr. and Mrs. Smith. -[SIGHS]

What do you think of my husband, Mr. Roarke?

Oh, a good man to have around in an emergency.

I'll say.

I'll admit, I've always made fun

of that macho hero business, you know?

But boy, are they useful when you need them. [CHUCKLES]

When those terrorists took over, I was scared to death.

[SIGHS] How did you arrange the rescue?

How did you get it all together so fast?

LINDA: And how did you know I was on that particular plane?

[INHALES] Uh... [SIGHS] ...well, it wasn't easy.

SMITH: Honey, why don't you, uh, go on ahead?

-I want to talk to Mr. Roarke. -All right. Thank you.

Thank you.

What about Emile?

Mr. Bouvier was a warrior

out of time and place,

dying slowly from an incurable disease.

To die in battle for a worthy cause...

that was his fantasy.

Yeah.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Well, like he said...

"C'est la guerre."

-Mr. Roarke. -Smith.

[♪♪♪♪♪]