Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

The plane!

The plane!

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

TATTOO: Boss. Boss.

I've got a new one for you. Oh?

Do you wanna hear it? All right.

What's yellow... Yes.

...weighs 800 pounds... Yes.

...and lay eggs?

Yellow, 800 pounds and lays eggs?

Um...

I'm afraid I don't know.

Two 400-pound chickens.

You get it, boss?

Two 400-pound chickens.

Oh, it's very amusing, Tattoo.

I've got a million of them.

They sent it to me in my new joke kit.

Watch.

Well, it seems we're still determined

to be the Henny Youngman of Fantasy Island, huh?

No. I'd rather be Groucho.

At least he had more fun with the ladies.

Indeed.

Now, the Jeep.

[♪♪♪]

Smiles, everyone. Smiles.

[WOMEN GIGGLING]

ROARKE: Mr. Ernie Miller.

He looks like he just got the keys to the candy stores.

[CHUCKLES]

TATTOO: What's his fantasy?

ROARKE: Oh, it's one shared by daydreamers

throughout the ages, Tattoo.

Mr. Ernie Miller, a plumber from Topeka, Kansas,

simply wants to live like a king.

A plumber wants to be a king? Boss.

And that is precisely what he shall be this weekend.

Though I am not certain that his reign

will be everything he expects.

Miss Gail Grayson.

All the way from Cleveland, Ohio.

That's her mother with her.

Does the young lady have a fantasy?

Oh, she does indeed, Tattoo.

Miss Grayson's fantasy is to get a chance

to meet and be interviewed for a job

by the famous Dr. Sidney Block.

Oh, I know about him. He's the famous doctor

who wrote all these books on how to raise children.

Yes. Yes, that's right.

Many people consider him

to be the world's foremost expert of family life.

That's why young Miss Grayson wants to meet him.

You see, she's just graduated from college

with degrees in child psychology and family analysis.

Her mommy must be very proud of her.

Oh, I wouldn't jump to any conclusions, Tattoo.

You see, the title of Miss Grayson's

doctorial thesis is:

"The Soft Life of the American Housewife and Mother."

I bet that was

a real kick in the head for her mommy.

ROARKE: Right, Tattoo.

Her mother wants her to see

how soft it really is to be a housewife.

My dear guests, I am Mr. Roarke, your host.

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Your Excellency.

TATTOO: The nectar from the gods.

Especially brewed for Your Majesty.

Your Majesty? ROARKE: But of course.

You did ask for a weekend where you will be treated

like a king, did you not? Well, after much thought we realized

the only way that would be possible

would be to convince our other guests

that you are really a ruling monarch.

Oh. Well, no wonder

that everybody has been so friendly.

Your nectar, sire.

Oh, thank you.

Then my fantasy has already begun?

Oh, Mr. Miller--

Um, I should say King Albert.

That's the name you'll use during your stay with us.

Your fantasy began the minute the plane landed

and we raised the official flag of your country.

[♪♪♪]

Even a flag. Of course.

Well, I really didn't expect any of this.

[CHUCKLING] But then I don't know what I did expect.

Uh, tell me, does my country have a name?

Carpathia.

Carpathia.

Tattoo.

And you think that all of these people

will really believe that there is such a place?

But of course they will.

Oh, King Albert,

the world is full of small kingdoms

that people have never heard of.

The world is also filled with people

who want to believe in kings and queens

and fairy tale lands.

Cecil St. James. Your valet, sire.

Sire. If you'll accompany me to the royal bungalow,

I have laid out your wardrobe for the official reception.

We certainly hope Your Majesty will enjoy his stay with us.

Well, I'm sure going to try.

[♪♪♪]

How do you like my new thing, boss? Isn't it funny?

Oh, it's a regular laugh riot, Tattoo.

Laugh riot? That's what he says in the box it came in.

Oh?

Hmm. What a coincidence.

[CHUCKLES]

MILDRED: Oh. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Yes. Well, this is the home of Dr. Sidney Block and family.

Dr. Sidney Block.

I hope I say all the right things.

Wish me luck, Mom. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, uh, Miss Grayson, your mother is also expected.

What?

I thought I was gonna see Dr. Block alone.

ROARKE: Oh, I'm so sorry. There must have been some sort of mix-up.

But Dr. Block is expecting you both.

Well, I don't mind, dear.

I'll try to stay out of the way. Fine with me.

One word of advice, if I may, Miss Grayson. Be flexible.

Don't limit yourself to the academic knowledge

that you received from your studies.

You see, Dr. Block will welcome someone

who shows that she's able to adapt.

Right.

Like they say in show business, knock them dead.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

All right.

Good luck. Thank you.

See you later.

Yes.

Tattoo.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Come.

Oh, hi.

You're Gail and Mildred Grayson, right?

Right. Yes, sir. Oh, wonderful.

You could come back.

They're here, Selma. Hurry up.

I loved your thesis.

You don't know what this means to us.

I mean, particularly since there are two of you.

One always makes my wife very, very nervous.

One what?

One babysitter.

This is our first vacation in years.

And it's gonna be a pleasure to sit back and relax.

And know that our kids are in the care of the girl

who wrote this thesis.

Yeah, and you too. You too, Mrs. Grayson.

Selma.

Come on, we're late.

Here she is. We can go now.

Go? But, Dr. Block, we--

This is like a dream come true.

It's so wonderful.

Bless you, Miss Grayson. Bless you both.

Sidney, I'll be in the car. SIDNEY: Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Well, Mom, it looks as though we're gonna do some babysitting.

Oh. Mr. Roarke said you'd be delighted.

[CHUCKLES] Now, make notes.

And, uh, if things get rough, just consult your thesis.

Oh. I guess it's time you met the rest of the family.

Guys. Mommy and Daddy are leaving.

Have a wonderful time and behave yourselves. Heh.

Heh. You'll handle everything.

I have absolute confidence. Bye.

Hi. I'm Herbert Bailey F. Block.

But I like to be called Herbie.

And this is my sister, Laurie.

Laurie is short for Lorelei,

which comes from a famous German poem

about a mermaid who sits on rock

and lures sailors to their death.

And this is my little brother, Conrad.

He's named after a writer, Conrad.

And this is our dog, Igor.

Like the hunchback of Frankenstein.

He got hanged.

Oh.

When do we eat? Igor's hungry.

I'm hungry. Yeah, so am I.

CONRAD: Me too. HERBIE: I'm starved.

I guess now would be a good time to be, uh, flexible, dear.

We're all going to eat as soon as lunch is ready.

Now, how would you children like the chance

to fix it for us?

Boy, would we ever.

Yeah. We're gonna fix lunch.

Come on. [IGOR WHIMPERS]

Do you think turning them loose in the kitchen is a good idea?

Oh, Mother. Heh.

It's all here in black and white.

Give children responsibility and they rise to the occasion.

You see, Mother, being a housewife is easy

if you let it be.

You really believe that, don't you?

Absolutely. All I have to do is keep this house

and those children in order until Dr. Block gets back.

And I will not only prove my thesis,

I will guarantee my professional future.

Oh, Mom, what a chance.

It certainly seems so.

ROARKE: His Majesty, King Albert.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

MAN: Your Majesty.

WOMAN: Your Highness.

His Excellency.

Harry Sand. United States under Secretary of State.

Compliment his golf game. Ah.

Your Majesty. Mr. Sand.

I hope we get a chance to play golf together

while we're here. I'm told you're quite good.

Thank you, Your Majesty. I'd like nothing better.

Eric Soro. Ambassador of that large nation

on our eastern border.

Hmm.

I'm surprised,

but delighted to find Your Majesty

in such good health.

Oh, well, uh, thank you, Eric.

Emperor Bakota of Cedar, East Africa.

Well, well, well.

We seem to be having marvelous weather, I'll bet.

Yes, yes. It's a beautiful day.

[CHUCKLES]

As one monarch to another,

I hope we shall have some time to speak

about that loan to our country.

That we discussed at your birthday party last month.

Well, I... Ah, ahem.

Your Majesty.

Your queen, Aurora.

[♪♪♪]

My queen?

Oh, oh, yes. Of course.

My queen.

Darling, we're all so pleased you could make it.

Mm. Well, so am I.

Gail, lunch is taking a long time, isn't it?

One must be patient with children, Mother.

You have to give them space.

I bet they're working their little fingers to the bone.

Luncheon is served.

Oh. What did I tell you?

And I bet it tastes pretty good too.

Yes.

Herbie. Oh, my goodness.

Ooh. [SIGHS]

We're having chicken chow mein.

I copied the recipe out of Mom's cookbook.

Except there wasn't any chicken.

So we used our imagination.

Did you use tuna instead? That works very nicely.

Yes, I know. But we didn't have any of that either.

Our mom uses it sometimes too.

We used another fish.

Sardines.

Uh, sardine chow mein.

How interesting, Herbie.

I made delicious bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches on toast.

They look wonderful, Laurie.

Absolutely scrumptious.

You better not eat it. The bacon isn't cooked.

Is it my fault that I'm not allowed to use the stove?

Well, apparently somebody is

because I smell something burning.

My cherry jubilee. Oh.

I left it flaming in the kitchen.

[♪♪♪]

[SHRIEKS] MILDRED: Oh.

Please, don't help.

I'm hungry. I'm hungry.

Terrific. The house is burning down

and all he thinks about is being hungry.

Be flexible, dear. Be flexible.

Oh.

[♪♪♪]

Cecil laid those out for you.

Ha, ha. I tell you, this is crazy.

You know, I spend most of my time

cleaning clogged drains.

I'm a plumber, you know?

And now a real emperor is asking me for a loan.

This must be your fantasy too.

What do you really do?

Does it matter?

For this weekend, I'm your queen.

Gosh.

You know that Roarke, he thinks of everything.

[♪♪♪]

Well, Mrs. Grayson, your daughter has met Dr. Block.

So her fantasy has begun.

But tell me, how is yours coming along?

Her fantasy?

You mean they both have fantasies?

Mrs. Grayson's fantasy was for her daughter

to live out her doctorial thesis

and find out just how easy

the life of the American housewife and mother really is.

GAIL: Conrad, no.

Oh, Mr. Roarke, right now I'm not so sure

how good an idea that was.

You fear your daughter may lose all her confidence.

Is that it? Well, yes, I suppose so.

You see, I'm really very proud of her.

She worked so hard getting through school.

But you're not sure how much she really knows.

Or does not know.

GAIL: Mom, can you give me a hand with this canned stuff?

Well, I guess so.

Coming, dear.

How strange it is.

What a parent wants for a child often satisfies neither of them.

And I don't expect any more problems

like I had at lunch either. Oh. And why is that, dear?

Because I am now being very specific

about how I want the children to behave.

Ah. I've even given them

a list of things to do while we're in the market.

Good. LAURIE: Gail. Gail, quick.

Igor took a string of sausage from the counter.

And when Conrad tried to put it back,

he fell in the freezer.

And when Herbie tried to pull him out,

he stood on a shelf full of cans.

Oh, no. [IGOR WHIMPERS]

[MILDRED GROANS] GAIL: Oh.

CONRAD: Help. Oh.

CONRAD: Help. Oh.

Lady, what kind of a circus are you--?

Oh! GAIL: Oh.

Herbie, why did you let Igor into the store?

Because you didn't tell me not to.

CONRAD: Help me get out. I didn't tell you?

Maybe you weren't specific enough, dear.

Help me get out of here. All right.

Get the dog outside while I help Junior

get out of the freezer. Oh, okay.

HERBIE: Come on, Igor. Come on, come on. Unh.

[♪♪♪]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[BAND PLAYING]

The king and queen are always the first to dance.

Yeah, but I'm not exactly Fred Astaire.

You know they're really acting like I am for real.

Heh. Perhaps because you look so much like a king.

Oh, yes?

Well, they ought to see me lying flat in a crawl hole

trying to repair a broken water main.

Your Highness.

Your sublime Majesty, your pardon.

But it's become most urgent

that we pursue the subject of our loan.

Well--

Why did you do that?

After all, he's a real emperor.

I know. I was at his coronation.

Why does he persist in talking about the loan?

You were at his coronation?

[CHUCKLES]

If I were truly a queen, I might have been.

No, no, no. You said you were.

And out by the pool,

Emperor Bakota told me

that we had talked about the loan in the past.

I'm getting the feeling something's going on

around here that I don't know anything about.

Perhaps we should return to the table.

Your Majesty, a moment of your time please.

Um, sire,

there are some matters between our two countries

which require immediate attention.

Such as?

The new import duty

you announced last week, for one.

The joint dredging operation it would appoint for another.

The shutdown has thrown 3000 of our workers out of a job.

Please, Ambassador Soro, I realize

that all of these matters are very important,

but I cannot discuss them with you tonight.

Is anything wrong, Your Highness?

Would you please excuse me for a few minutes?

Is something wrong, Albert?

Something is wrong.

I don't know what exactly, but something is terribly wrong.

I think he suspects.

[♪♪♪]

Then there really is a kingdom of Carpathia.

There is indeed.

And if you turn the page,

you'll see a picture of the real ruling King Albert.

Is this a trick?

No trick.

But he really looks like me.

Will you turn the page again, please?

You're the real queen.

Or is she a look alike too.

No. You are indeed in the presence

of Queen Aurora of Carpathia.

Oh, well, Your Royal Majesty, I'm...

I'm sorry.

I mean...

Well, then where is the real King Albert?

Four weeks ago he was killed

in a motor boat accident.

So far we've been able to keep the news

from the outside world.

But why would you do all this?

Mr. Miller, much like the relationship

Monaco has with France,

unless the tiny kingdom of Carpathia has a king,

or at any rate, a male heir to the throne,

it will be annexed by the nation at its border.

The one represented by Ambassador Soro.

Soro?

Mm-hm. Well, no wonder.

No wonder he's been looking at me so strangely.

He's an evil man.

He's the reason that I asked Mr. Roarke

to arrange this weekend.

You were not the only one with a fantasy.

And Soro was suspicious.

Yes.

I'm trying to keep Carpathia from being swallowed whole.

At least until elections are held

in Ambassadors Soro's country next month.

Hopefully his party will be voted out.

And one more sympathetic

to Carpathia's independent freedom

will be voted in.

So what you needed was a sucker

that looked like the king.

And I filled the bill, right?

Mr. Miller, your fantasy was to be treated like a king,

was it not?

Yes.

But you've been using me.

I mean, I came here for a fantasy.

To have fun.

And you've been using me like a pawn.

In some lousy game of politics.

You have every right to be angry.

You're damn right I do.

I have half a mind to go out there to the ballroom

and blow the whistle on all of you.

If you do, in 24 hours,

Soro's troops will have overrun my country.

And that will be the end of freedom

for three million people.

I was trying to buy a little time

for the good of my country.

But maybe I was trying to do it the wrong way.

I'm very sorry.

[DOOR CLOSES]

The decision is yours, Mr. Miller.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

[♪♪♪]

The children are asleep.

What do you want me to do with these towels?

Sweetheart?

Oh, the poor girl.

[♪♪♪]

Sleep tight.

[BAND PLAYING]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

Your Majesty.

Boss, you think he's gonna blow the whistle?

Shh. Be quiet, Tattoo.

May the king now finish the dance

he and the queen started an hour ago?

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Yes.

Yes, he most certainly may.

Well, if we are going to convince Ambassador Soro

that I am really the king,

I think you had better spend some time briefing me

on the domestic issues of Carpathia.

[♪♪♪]

Kids, I've got a new joke for you.

This is a funny one.

On my way here, I met a drunk,

and he stood in the front of a parking meter,

put a penny inside of it,

and said, "I'll wait 10 minutes."

"I'll wait 10 minutes." You get it?

He thought the meter was a scale.

Tattoo, perhaps you should remember

none of your audience has ever seen a parking meter.

You see. So... But, boss,

they did not laugh at any of my jokes.

[MONKEY HOOTS]

You stupid monkey.

What do you know?

GAIL: I think I have a very unusual washing technique.

I get the feeling I keep doing the same load

over and over again.

I'm sure you'll work it out, dear.

All mothers do.

You're enjoying this, aren't you?

Well, it's time to see who wants what for lunch.

And after that I'm going to take a well-earned rest.

Oh, that would be nice.

Oh, by the way, dear, what have the children been doing

while you've been up to your elbows in harsh detergents?

They've been watching television.

And don't accuse me of using the tube as a babysitter.

I selected a very stimulating educational program

on the life of a moose.

And they were fascinated.

WOMAN [OVER TV]: The night is dark, the moon is full.

And soon the werewolf will walk the forest.

[MAN SCREAMING]

Hey, you shut the good part off.

The only thing that was good for was nightmares.

But if you're looking for something to do,

I saw some great books on the lives of--

Where's Laurie?

She took Igor for a walk

down to the beach.

That's an awfully long walk.

And then there's that cliff.

How long has she been gone?

Don't worry. Igor's a good watchdog.

He'll take care of her.

[♪♪♪]

Well-- Laurie's hat. Uh...

Oh, he's soaking wet.

Something must have happened to her.

[WHIMPERING]

Igor wants us to follow him.

He knows where she is.

No. Herbie, Conrad, stay here

and stay out of trouble.

Come on, Mom. Let's go.

You turn on the TV.

You turn it on.

You turn it on.

All right. I'll turn it on.

MAN [ON TV]: Don't look behind you. The werewolf.

[SCREAMING]

SORO: A delightful picnic.

I did not see one ant.

Their encroachment was forbidden by King Albert.

Ambassador Soro, you mentioned last night

that you were disturbed

by our raising of the import duty on tea.

Since it is we who export it to you, yes.

After you first import it from India.

Well...

I think I should tell you we are going to raise the export tax

on our Carpathe perfumes.

But that's our principal import from Carpathia.

You are charging us more?

It seems that that's the only language

your country understands.

Your Highness seems refreshingly candid today.

Perhaps you are ready to discuss

our dredging problem.

Yes. As a matter of fact, I am.

The dredging will stop because of a breakdown

in the pumping system.

A breakdown that was caused by excessive pressure

built up in your part of the system.

Heh. Surely that can be mere speculation,

Your Highness.

On the contrary, Mr. Soro.

It is the basics of good plumbing.

You see, I looked over the blueprints of the system

last night.

And that damage could have only been done

by a blowout of the gasket drums

on your country's side of the system.

Sire, are you telling me

that you intend to bill us for the dredge breakdown damage?

If a plumber came into your house

and did a job like that, you'd take him to court.

Yes, of course.

We're gonna bill you.

My dear.

Strange. Very strange.

I've never known any king to be so knowledgeable

about underwater plumbing.

Let alone our dear, unknowledgeable friend,

King Albert of Carpathia.

Well, someone's certainly filling him in

with a lot of answers.

Either that, or he's not the Albert we know.

[♪♪♪]

ERNIE: Well, how did I do?

There were many times when I wish

the real Albert would have stood up like that.

But Albert, I'm afraid, was still a bit of a playboy.

He didn't care about politics much.

Did you love him very much?

I suppose this will sound strange,

but I didn't love him at all.

Our marriage was arranged by our families.

To tell you the truth,

the real King Albert was not a very likable man.

Well, I'm sorry.

Do you really mean that?

Well, yes, of course I do.

You're too nice a person to be forced

into an unhappy life.

I'm so nice, I keep setting you up.

What do you mean?

Well, there's no real proof,

but what we suspect

is Albert's death was not as accidental

as people tried to make it.

You mean he was assassinated?

Soro?

We think so.

Annexing Carpathia would ensure his party's reelection.

Well, then they might try that again.

I'm sorry.

Being king isn't like you thought it would be, is it?

No, it's sure not.

It isn't all caviar and pheasant under glass.

A ruler is besieged by people who want big loans.

Others who demand lower taxes.

I should never have asked for a proxy king

for this weekend.

I had no right.

Just be glad that you're...

You're going home tomorrow.

[♪♪♪]

Laurie, where are you? Laurie, it's me. Gail.

Laurie, can you hear me?

Igor? Laurie?

Laurie?

Laurie?

It's no use, Mother. Not only is Laurie missing,

but the dog's gone too. [IGOR BARKS]

Gail, I think it's Igor.

Laurie, can you hear me?

[♪♪♪]

Laurie? Laurie?

Laurie.

It sure took you a long time to save me.

If I'd have been in real trouble,

I'd probably be dead by now.

You set this whole thing up.

Igor, your hat.

The whole thing.

It works a lot better on Lassie.

I guess Igor isn't star material.

You're coming home with me this instant, young lady.

Not that way.

It's slippery.

GAIL: Oh. Oh, oh. You'll fall in.

GAIL: Oh, no! Oh, Gail.

Laurie, you're coming home with me.

Oh, God.

[♪♪♪]

Boy, I hope Gail appreciates these chili beans

I'm making for lunch.

I hope Gail appreciates me for doing the laundry.

Conrad, I'm gonna go check on Gail.

See if she found Laurie, all right?

You stay here and check up on things, all right?

Okay, Herbie.

I'll clean up around here and surprise Gail.

[♪♪♪]

[BUBBLING]

[SIGHS] The first thing we're gonna do is get you washed.

What on earth?

Hey Herbie, are you all right?

Oh, no.

Conrad, I told you to stay out of trouble.

Please, go to your room.

Laurie, we're gonna put

your clothes right in the wash.

Oh, oh.

Oh.

I know it's the wrong time to tell you,

but Herbie seems to be missing.

[BARKS]

Something's wrong with Igor.

Maybe he knows that Herbie is dead.

Herbie? Herbie?

Herbie?

Mother, will you please turn off that washing machine?

Herbie?

Come out, Herbie.

Herbie?

Herbie? Herbie?

Gail. Gail. Gail. Gail.

Look what followed me home. Can I keep him? Can I?

[SEAL BARKING]

[CRYING] This is the last straw.

I don't know anything about children.

I don't know anything about homemaking.

Mother, I don't know anything about anything.

Oh. Oh, Gail. Gail, where are you going?

[CRIES] Oh!

MILDRED: Oh, no. I was afraid of this.

LAURIE: Why is everyone crying?

Did we do something wrong?

No, but I sure did.

All Gail wanted was to meet and maybe get a job

with your father and I had to mess everything up.

You?

Yes, me and my stupid fantasy.

To show her how hard being a-- A mother

and a housewife can be sometimes.

Oh, she worked so hard on her thesis.

She's really very nice.

One of the nicest people I've ever known.

It-- It's just not fair what I've done to her.

She'll probably hate you for the rest of your life.

Oh.

You're wrong, Mother.

It was very fair.

At least you sure opened my eyes to how silly and stupid this is.

Oh, it's not silly and stupid.

Well, not all of it.

And some of it's quite informative.

Oh, Gail, darling,

I-I'm so very proud of you and I--

And I've made such a mess of things.

It's all right. There'll be other jobs.

Aren't you gonna work with my father?

No way. Not with this place

looking like this when they get back.

Maybe we could help you clean it up.

Laurie, your parents are due home in two hours.

It would take a miracle to clean this place up.

We could try.

Conrad's right.

We could try.

Please, Gail?

[BAND PLAYING]

We will soon know if King Albert

is the real item or merely a proxy.

What are you going to do?

Test him.

Your Majesties, I am flying out tonight.

I hope to see you both when again I visit Carpathia.

Sire, I'm looking forward to hunting bull with you again.

It's always such a privilege to join the royal hunting party.

Hunting party?

You and I?

Yes, Sire.

I've never hunted with you in my life.

SORO: Heh. True.

What must I have been thinking about?

Yes, Ambassador Soro.

What were you thinking about?

I-I-I don't know, Your Royal Highness.

Maybe it is the lack of sleep.

The mind, it plays tricks.

Yes.

People play tricks sometimes too.

Some people play deadly tricks, if you get my meaning.

Well,

long may our two countries remain friendly neighbors.

Your Majesty,

is it just possible that we might be able

to negotiate the tax on Carpathe perfume?

Possible?

Anything is possible.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Well?

He's Albert, all right.

That boating accident was a mistake in a lot of ways.

Not only is he still alive,

but the playboy has grown into a man.

Oh, I can't believe it.

You're almost through in here.

How are you doing?

This is the last of the laundry

and the kids are finishing up the dishes.

I thought they finished an hour ago.

That was before I found out they cleaned them

by having Igor lick the food off.

[SIGHS] [GATE SQUEAKS]

[GASPS] MILDRED: Oh, children.

Hurry! It's your parents. Quick!

Come on, kids. Get in there.

But what about the rest of these?

MILDRED: Get in there.

Move.

Oh, good kids. I love you.

Okay.

"Once upon a time there were three bears.

"Mama Bear.

"Papa Bear.

And Baby Bear."

Oh, hello, Dr. Block.

We didn't hear you come up.

Good evening, Mother. Good evening, Father.

Gail was just reading us a story.

Uh-huh. So I see.

Are you sure we've come to the right place?

[LAUGHS] Those are our children, aren't they?

Of course we are, maitre.

Don't tell me they've been like this all weekend.

CONRAD: Sure we have.

[CLEARS THROAT] Then, in that case, your thesis really works.

Well, of course it does.

Uh. Well, then I just have two questions.

Why is the book your daughter is reading upside down?

[CLEARS THROAT] And...

why is there a seal in my closet?

[BARKING]

[SIGHS]

Well, I'm glad it didn't rain earlier today.

And spoil our picnic.

And it was a picnic believe me.

All the way.

The whole terrific weekend.

Now it's back to leaky faucets, brass fittings,

and clogged drains.

You know,

when I said it was terrific just now,

I-I didn't mean being treated like a king.

I meant is was terrific because of you.

What, uh-- What are you gonna do now?

I mean, how long do you think you can keep them fooled?

Long enough I hope.

I mean, at best it's only temporary.

Sooner or later, there's...

bound to be another government like Soro's.

They'll find out that there is no king,

and you won't have a country anymore.

Look.

I know I'm not the greatest.

And Topeka, Kansas, is not a magic kingdom.

Oh, it's crazy.

I was...just about to...

ask you to...marry me,

and come back with me,

and be a plumber's wife.

You too, Ernie?

What?

I'd love to be a plumber's wife or anything with you.

But right now, there are...

a lot of people depending on me.

Everybody believed that you were the king. Even Soro.

A gentler, nicer, more considerate king

they never knew when Albert was alive.

I think I know what you're about to say,

but well, would you go ahead and say it anyway because

I don't believe it yet.

I realize that Carpathia

isn't half as big as the city of Topeka.

And you'd have to go by the name of Albert

instead of Ernie.

And I have no right to ask you.

Oh, yes, you do.

My whole adult life, I've--

I have never said this to a woman

and really meant it.

But...I do love you.

I guess what I'm saying is that,

Your Royal Majesty, if--

If you want a king,

who in his spare time...

can repair all the plumbing in the castle...

well, I--

I guess I'm your guy.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Mrs. Grayson. Thanks so much.

You're very welcome.

Miss Grayson. Thank you.

Well, ladies, I hope, uh, you enjoyed your visit.

Well, we certainly did.

I learned an awful lot, Mr. Roarke.

Oh, we both did.

What about your job with Dr. Block?

I start next week.

Despite making every mistake possible,

he felt that if I could bring his three kids together

on a joined effort like they had to make,

I must have something to offer after all.

Oh, I am so pleased.

Oh, thank you.

GAIL: One thesis from me to you.

And goodbye, Mr. Roarke.

Thank you so much.

Goodbye, Mrs. Grayson.

Goodbye, Tattoo. Thank you. Bye.

Good morning. Good morning.

Your Royal Highnesses.

You know, when I came here, I never expected a fantasy

that would last for the rest of my life.

[CHUCKLES] And I never expected to leave with King Albert.

I am pleased you're both so happy.

And, uh...in love.

TATTOO: Your Highness? Yes?

Thank you very much for fixing

the plumbing in bungalow number four.

ERNIE: Oh, forget it.

Thank you very much.

You're very welcome.

Goodbye.

You asked a king to fix the plumbing?

Well, the queen didn't know how.

[LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]