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1
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,590
You scored yourself
a nice corner. Good job.
2
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,750
Hi. I'm Maura Ellis.
3
00:00:56,850 --> 00:00:58,890
I'm not part of a religious
group or anything.
4
00:00:58,950 --> 00:01:02,030
I'm just a nurse who likes to
give back on her days off.
5
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,430
You know, when you're
living outdoors,
6
00:01:04,530 --> 00:01:06,060
skin cancer is a real concern.
7
00:01:06,130 --> 00:01:07,610
So I got you some sunscreen,
8
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:10,440
and you, my friend,
have some irregular moles.
9
00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:12,570
You're a very friendly person.
10
00:01:12,630 --> 00:01:14,880
Wanna come to my house
and take a shower?
11
00:01:14,940 --> 00:01:16,310
Maybe make a list of goals?
12
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:17,750
Oh, I have a girlfriend.
13
00:01:17,810 --> 00:01:19,950
Great. It's important to have a
lady out there in the street.
14
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,610
What do you call it,
a road bitch or something?
15
00:01:22,710 --> 00:01:23,780
Her name's Karen.
16
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,830
Your little mama?
Your street wife?
17
00:01:25,910 --> 00:01:26,980
Anyway,
18
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:28,430
I'm pretty good with sayings,
19
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,660
so I make these cards for my sister,
but I think maybe you could use one.
20
00:01:32,890 --> 00:01:35,840
Without the dark night, we would
never see the bright stars.
21
00:01:36,290 --> 00:01:37,500
Is this from Twilight?
22
00:01:37,590 --> 00:01:38,590
No, I made it up.
23
00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:39,970
Mmm, no, you didn't.
24
00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:41,270
Yeah, I did.
25
00:01:41,330 --> 00:01:42,430
See you later.
26
00:01:43,230 --> 00:01:44,230
Wait.
27
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:45,570
Wait a minute.
28
00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:46,810
Hey!
29
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:48,110
You're not homeless?
30
00:01:48,570 --> 00:01:49,670
You were on a roll.
31
00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:51,110
Well, give me back the sunscreen
32
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:53,310
so I can give it
to an actual homeless person!
33
00:01:53,410 --> 00:01:54,410
Like this lady.
34
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:57,280
Fuck off! I'm the manager here.
35
00:01:58,250 --> 00:01:59,420
0 for 2.
36
00:02:01,980 --> 00:02:04,860
Polenta! Come get your dinner.
37
00:02:08,090 --> 00:02:09,430
Mom?
38
00:02:09,490 --> 00:02:10,630
Hi. Can you hear me'?
39
00:02:10,690 --> 00:02:12,830
Hiya, kid.
What are you up to today?
40
00:02:12,930 --> 00:02:15,500
Dad, come in front of the
camera so I can see you.
41
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,440
How are things
at the hospital, honey?
42
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,670
We heard that Atlanta
had a terrible storm.
43
00:02:19,770 --> 00:02:21,040
Garage sale. Okay.
44
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:24,450
Can you guys both sit in front
of the camera when you talk
45
00:02:24,510 --> 00:02:26,650
so that I can see you and
hear you at the same time?
46
00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:29,150
We don't get this Skype crap.
There's nothing to get.
47
00:02:29,210 --> 00:02:30,880
- You're doing it.
- Maura,
48
00:02:30,980 --> 00:02:32,690
we have some news.
49
00:02:32,780 --> 00:02:34,520
Maura, we have some news.
50
00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:38,460
- Oh, my God. Who's sick?
- Oh, for cry-eye, Maura.
51
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,120
Relax!
52
00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:42,660
We decided
53
00:02:45,690 --> 00:02:47,800
to sell the house.
54
00:02:47,860 --> 00:02:50,040
Yeah, okay. Funny joke.
What's the news?
55
00:02:50,130 --> 00:02:51,700
We are. We're selling it.
56
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,210
The one we grew up in?
57
00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:54,510
Are you selling it
to each other?
58
00:02:54,570 --> 00:02:55,840
No, honey.
59
00:02:55,970 --> 00:02:58,170
Why would you do that?
We don't want it anymore.
60
00:02:58,210 --> 00:02:59,590
It's too big. Look,
if this is some kind
61
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,880
of financial thing, I can
help you out with money.
62
00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:02,920
No, honey.
63
00:03:03,010 --> 00:03:06,390
All we need you to do is to
come and clean out your bedroom
64
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,050
because it's a bottomless pit.
65
00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:11,060
Okay. I can come. Just don't
make a move until I get there.
66
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:12,890
Does Kate know about this?
67
00:03:12,990 --> 00:03:14,490
We haven't told her yet.
68
00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,000
You two take news
so differently.
69
00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:19,200
We wondered if maybe
70
00:03:19,930 --> 00:03:21,170
you should tell her.
71
00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:23,770
Because we don't want to.
72
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:25,400
Why do I always
have to be the one?
73
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,040
Oh, shit.
74
00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:30,410
I think you guys froze.
Hold on. Can you hear me?
75
00:03:30,510 --> 00:03:31,850
Hello?
76
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:35,090
You're blinking.
You're fake freezing.
77
00:03:35,180 --> 00:03:38,520
Unbelievable. Just call her.
You're her parents.
78
00:03:41,520 --> 00:03:44,090
Dad! Let it go.
79
00:03:51,860 --> 00:03:55,430
See, where most stylists
blow it is they color your hair
80
00:03:55,530 --> 00:03:58,030
but they leave your Santa eyebrows.
Hmm.
81
00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:00,270
They half-ass it,
but I'm a perfectionist.
82
00:04:00,370 --> 00:04:01,400
Thank you.
83
00:04:01,470 --> 00:04:04,110
So why are we covering
this gray today, Phil?
84
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:08,710
Well, I have a date with an engaging
new gal, somewhat younger than me.
85
00:04:08,780 --> 00:04:11,220
Good for you, because ladies
your age are gross, right?
86
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:14,320
Well, I just hope it looks natural.
It smells very strong.
87
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,950
No. It's super gentle.
They use it on pageant babies.
88
00:04:17,050 --> 00:04:18,590
Mom! I'm home!
89
00:04:19,820 --> 00:04:22,430
My daughter's home! She has
been gone half the summer.
90
00:04:22,490 --> 00:04:25,060
I'll be right back. If it feels
like it's burning, it's working.
91
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,400
Wow!
92
00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:33,070
You have been gone for so long!
Did you get taller?
93
00:04:33,130 --> 00:04:35,770
I've only been gone a month, and I
stopped growing a long time ago.
94
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,680
Um, is this supposed
to be getting warm?
95
00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:38,770
Let it cook, Phil.
96
00:04:39,410 --> 00:04:40,650
Um...
97
00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:41,950
Mom?
98
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,250
Why are you doing some guy's
hair in the bathroom?
99
00:04:44,310 --> 00:04:46,790
P.S. this does not
feel right. Hello.
100
00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:50,150
Why aren't you
doing it in a salon?
101
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:51,590
Please don't tell me
you quit your job again.
102
00:04:51,690 --> 00:04:53,190
I didn't quit! All right.
103
00:04:53,290 --> 00:04:55,170
You know that dipshit lady
on Channel Eleven
104
00:04:55,260 --> 00:04:57,130
who does the segments
where she tries new things?
105
00:04:57,190 --> 00:04:59,430
Yeah. Go on.
Well, she wanted bangs,
106
00:04:59,490 --> 00:05:02,030
but then afterwards she decided
that she didn't want bangs.
107
00:05:02,130 --> 00:05:03,700
And my manager
started bitching me out,
108
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,610
so I shoved him and his American
Girl Doll glasses broke.
109
00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:07,870
Okay. So you got fired.
110
00:05:07,970 --> 00:05:10,610
Why do you keep doing this, Mom?
111
00:05:10,670 --> 00:05:11,780
You wanna have a cereal party?
112
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:16,120
No, I don't. I want you to be
responsible so that I don't have to be.
113
00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:17,350
It is too stressful
114
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:20,820
sleeping with you on a pull-out
couch in your friend's dining room.
115
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,730
She is not my friend.
She was our bug man.
116
00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:25,350
I need to learn
to be more irresponsible
117
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,630
otherwise I'm going to be
hazed so bad in college.
118
00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:30,070
It's bubbling like Pop Rocks.
119
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,470
I'm gonna stay at Annie's house again.
All right.
120
00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:34,870
Okay, that's a lie because Annie
is in Italy with her family.
121
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,070
I know how to use Facebook.
122
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,910
I will keep sending you pictures
so that you know that I'm safe.
123
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,210
No. You cannot just leave again
and not tell me where you are.
124
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,300
You know why I don't tell
you where I'm going?
125
00:05:43,370 --> 00:05:46,480
Because you'll show up there and you'll
make a big scene like a hothead!
126
00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:49,220
I am not a hothead! I am brassy.
127
00:05:49,310 --> 00:05:52,550
I love you, Mom, but your life
is just too chaotic right now.
128
00:05:52,650 --> 00:05:55,280
- It is not chaotic.
- Kate!
129
00:05:56,420 --> 00:05:57,900
Is this your waxing strip?
130
00:05:57,990 --> 00:06:00,090
I don't know, Dana.
It must be a client's.
131
00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:02,600
My dog had this in his feces.
132
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,100
And before I could stop him
133
00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:07,570
he ate the poop with the
waxing strip in it again.
134
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:10,040
Okay. And then he threw that up.
135
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:13,010
You know how many times a day
I kiss that dog on the mouth?
136
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,510
An unsettling amount.
137
00:06:14,570 --> 00:06:16,550
Now when I kiss him,
138
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,910
I'm gonna picture that he ate
139
00:06:19,510 --> 00:06:21,350
some stranger's pubes.
140
00:06:22,010 --> 00:06:24,350
And it's gonna affect
my relationship with him.
141
00:06:24,410 --> 00:06:25,690
Oh, boy.
142
00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:27,190
All right. Let's bring this
in for a landing, Dana.
143
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:29,020
You get out of here by tomorrow.
144
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,430
You're done!
145
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,730
Where the hell am I gonna go?
146
00:06:32,790 --> 00:06:34,860
You wanna explain that
to my daughter?
147
00:06:35,190 --> 00:06:36,730
Haley?
148
00:06:36,790 --> 00:06:37,930
Shit.
149
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:40,870
Haley?
150
00:06:40,930 --> 00:06:42,240
Haley!
151
00:06:44,630 --> 00:06:46,910
Okay, Haley, just come back up,
and we will talk about this.
152
00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:48,040
Hey, it's me.
153
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,810
Hello? This is very
unprofessional.
154
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,440
Hey. I can't talk right now.
155
00:06:52,540 --> 00:06:53,920
Real quick. Mom and Dad called.
156
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,250
Ugh, what now?
157
00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:56,880
What's up? Everything all right?
158
00:06:56,980 --> 00:07:00,120
No, I don't need lotion in there.
159
00:07:00,380 --> 00:07:01,950
Yeah, you do need lotion
in there.
160
00:07:02,050 --> 00:07:03,890
Hey, here's something fun.
161
00:07:03,950 --> 00:07:05,930
Mom and Dad
want us to come down.
162
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:08,630
They need us to clear out
some of our old bedroom stuff.
163
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,570
Why? They have other rooms.
164
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:13,070
I don't know. Maybe
they wanna get a treadmill.
165
00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:16,740
A treadmill? Morn can't
even sit right on a couch.
166
00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:22,480
I'm just gonna shape them real quick.
All right.
167
00:07:22,570 --> 00:07:25,480
Yeah, no. I can't afford to
come to Orlando right now.
168
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,450
Well, I'll send you money
for the flight.
169
00:07:27,510 --> 00:07:31,080
Come to Orlando.
Ellis sisters reunion.
170
00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:33,920
Corning home always makes
things better.
171
00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:36,750
That's actually
a really good idea.
172
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,630
Tell me the truth.
173
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:44,600
Next stop, Orlando Airport.
Thank you for riding Greyhound.
174
00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:52,270
Please
maintain contact with your baggage.
175
00:07:52,330 --> 00:07:54,280
All unattended baggage
will be confiscated.
176
00:07:55,540 --> 00:07:59,040
Hey. Could I get
a small glass of tequila?
177
00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:01,620
Like a shot of tequila?
178
00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,320
Yeah, a shot.
Just keeping it classy.
179
00:08:04,380 --> 00:08:05,480
Paging Mr. Herman.
180
00:08:05,550 --> 00:08:07,150
Oh, Mr. Pee-wee Herman!
181
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:10,890
Look at you.
Hi!
182
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,160
Look at you.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
183
00:08:12,220 --> 00:08:13,720
What's going on?
Nothing.
184
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:16,360
Wow, turn it around. This is soft.
185
00:08:16,460 --> 00:08:17,800
You look great. No.
186
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:20,140
I look like a dead deer
bloated on the highway.
187
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,180
No. You look like a pretty
deer who's still alive.
188
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:24,900
Mmm. But also,
just recently hit.
189
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:28,740
Your hair is long!
It's so mermaid-y.
190
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:32,370
Oh, I got a whole intricate sewn-in
system under there, but it's human.
191
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,150
Okay, well, you have to be
careful when you get fake hair
192
00:08:34,210 --> 00:08:37,020
because some countries give their
young girls chicken hormones
193
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,350
and make them grow it in
their basements.
194
00:08:39,410 --> 00:08:41,550
Do they get paid?
Because I would do that.
195
00:08:43,180 --> 00:08:45,990
Hey, honey. I'm sure
you're out having fun
196
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:50,400
but I'm dying to see that
photo you were gonna send me.
197
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:54,270
She's having such a great summer,
but I think she's getting homesick.
198
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,670
I'm sure she misses you.
I miss her.
199
00:08:56,730 --> 00:08:59,180
Like, in my body.
200
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,940
Mmm. She'll be back soon.
201
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,340
What's your deal?
Been doing anything fun?
202
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,250
Yeah. Rescue dogs
have so many hidden skills.
203
00:09:06,340 --> 00:09:09,050
I've been teaching Polenta
how to smell diabetes.
204
00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:11,580
You've been divorced
for two years.
205
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:14,850
You should at least be going to
Chili's with your work friends
206
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:15,950
or some such basic shit,
207
00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:18,590
instead of spending the night on
Skype dates with Mom and Dad.
208
00:09:18,690 --> 00:09:20,600
I've been having a lot of fun.
209
00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:22,530
I've been teaching myself
how to make cheese.
210
00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:26,430
I'm fine. I'm really good.
I'm real good.
211
00:09:26,530 --> 00:09:29,270
What about you? Do you have
a job or a place to live?
212
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,780
I got an idea that's gonna solve
everything. Haley's gonna flip.
213
00:09:31,870 --> 00:09:33,140
What's your idea?
214
00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:36,480
I think we should move down here and
live with Mom and Dad for a while.
215
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,980
Give a little
bit of heart and soul!
216
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,610
Give a little bit of
love to grow.
217
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,250
Give a
little bit
of heart and soul...
218
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,240
Holy Moses with his balls out.
219
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,470
Is that Kate Ellis
I'm looking at?
220
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:05,570
Maybe.
221
00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:07,410
Hey, look at you.
222
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,850
Come on, Dave Blackmon! I was
a senior, you were a junior.
223
00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:14,080
I lingered back so we could
be seniors together?
224
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:16,660
You were my first non-hand
I ever did it with.
225
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:20,020
Oh, my God. Yes.
I swallowed your earring.
226
00:10:20,110 --> 00:10:21,590
That was a true honor.
227
00:10:21,650 --> 00:10:23,030
Aw, thank you. Thank you.
228
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,430
Wow. Somebody told me you died.
229
00:10:25,490 --> 00:10:27,800
That's crazy. That's the second
person that's said that to me.
230
00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:28,830
Hmm, you should check it out.
231
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,770
You know, I'm a known
alcoholic in this area
232
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:34,300
but I still talk about those Ellis
Island parties, baby.
233
00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:35,500
Such good times, right?
234
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,940
Yeah. You scaling that
fireplace with them heels?
235
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,770
Oh, man. That was
a beautiful sight, baby.
236
00:10:39,830 --> 00:10:42,970
And who's this fine-ass female?
237
00:10:43,270 --> 00:10:46,310
Hi, Dave. I'm Maura,
Kate's younger sister.
238
00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:49,650
I held your mullet back one time
when you were vomiting at our party
239
00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:52,320
so you wouldn't impale your
face on our cactus garden.
240
00:10:52,380 --> 00:10:55,380
No. Shit. Those
were fun times, though, huh?
241
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,160
Yeah. You know, in a way.
242
00:10:58,220 --> 00:11:01,000
You sure bloomed
into a juicy peach, holy...
243
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:02,030
Thank you, Dave.
244
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,500
So is this your liquor store?
245
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,470
Oh, you know, I got some stock,
I got some handshake options.
246
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:07,870
Because you heard
what happened, right?
247
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,370
My mobile townhouse
got ate by a sinkhole.
248
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,070
No. Eaten by a sinkhole?
249
00:11:12,170 --> 00:11:14,200
Mmm-hmm.
That is a Florida heartbreak.
250
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:17,150
Wow, the Ellis sisters, man. What
a sandwich that would be, huh?
251
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,880
If I could tell my friends that
that went down. Oh, man!
252
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,280
What do you think?
253
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,020
Who? Oh...
254
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:25,590
Just putting it out there.
Listen, life is about putting it out there.
255
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:26,850
And then swatting it away.
Isn't it?
256
00:11:26,910 --> 00:11:29,330
Sometimes it stays out there.
Where you put it.
257
00:11:29,380 --> 00:11:30,730
And then sometimes it goes
right into the trash.
258
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,350
So that's, like, a no.
I understand.
259
00:11:32,420 --> 00:11:33,660
I think we should go.
Great to see you, Dave.
260
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,060
Just putting it out there.
Yeah, okay.
261
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:36,730
Nice to see you, man.
I'm glad you're alive.
262
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:39,070
Thank you.
You look, uh, weathered.
263
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,940
You look like
underpass weathered.
264
00:11:41,030 --> 00:11:42,530
Yeah. Thank you, I guess. Yeah.
265
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,740
So listen, is there, like, um, friends
and family discount at this place?
266
00:11:46,830 --> 00:11:49,210
Oh, yeah. Two finger discount.
267
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,450
Oh...
268
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:54,420
That made my legs feel weird.
Just unbridled filth.
269
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:56,620
Gross! Hey, you know how it is.
270
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,590
Bye, Dave! Whoo!
271
00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:01,020
The party just got back
to O-Town!
272
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,720
Okay!
273
00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:05,690
It's cicada season,
so keep your mouth shut. Whoo!
274
00:12:09,560 --> 00:12:12,560
Are you ready
for this jelly, Whorelando?
275
00:12:12,630 --> 00:12:13,940
Yeah!
276
00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:17,640
Hey!
277
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,810
Ellis sisters in the house!
278
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:23,910
Hey!
279
00:12:23,970 --> 00:12:25,450
Oh, sweaty man.
We have to flirt.
280
00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:27,320
Slow it down for a groove-by.
281
00:12:28,210 --> 00:12:29,280
Hey.
282
00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:31,620
What urp? Hey.
283
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,060
Burying your wife?
284
00:12:33,110 --> 00:12:34,960
- Um...
- Can I ask you something?
285
00:12:35,050 --> 00:12:36,720
- My sister and I...
- Hey.
286
00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:40,790
Are busy professionals,
looking for an "yard artisan"
287
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,300
to do some work on our bushes?
288
00:12:42,390 --> 00:12:44,800
You are working.
We will not bother you. Sorry.
289
00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,060
Jump on my bush joke.
290
00:12:46,130 --> 00:12:48,730
I just made that up!
Put another Jenga on it.
291
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:54,640
I bet working on other people's bushes
really makes you wanna whack your weeds.
292
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:55,770
That was dirtier than I thought.
293
00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:57,250
I'm sorry. That got
dirty really fast.
294
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,810
Don't apologize, I like that.
295
00:12:58,910 --> 00:13:00,910
I actually own this house.
296
00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:02,080
You live here with your wife?
297
00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:04,250
Your wife's a bitch
for not helping you.
298
00:13:04,350 --> 00:13:05,480
Uh, I...
299
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:07,530
- I'm single, actually.
- Oh!
300
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:09,150
Well, we're not
making fun of you.
301
00:13:09,250 --> 00:13:11,940
We're flirting with you,
because you're really sweaty.
302
00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:14,930
I'm a solid guy. I don't mind
being the butt of your jokes.
303
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:18,440
Good. You will be the butt of our
jokes, because your butt is no joke.
304
00:13:18,490 --> 00:13:19,490
Okay.
305
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:22,270
I'm not laughing at that butt.
I'll laugh with your butt.
306
00:13:22,330 --> 00:13:24,370
I'm gonna laugh in that butt.
307
00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:25,500
I'm gonna laugh.
308
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,880
I'm gonna... I love to...
309
00:13:27,970 --> 00:13:29,180
My butt's funny, too,
310
00:13:29,270 --> 00:13:32,510
but your butt is really serious.
311
00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:35,610
Your butt is like
an hour-long drama.
312
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:38,210
Your butt's as serious
as The Wire.
313
00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:41,230
I mean, I can't wait
to watch your butt on DVD.
314
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,660
I'm gonna binge-watch
your butt when I have the flu.
315
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,490
- Time to drive away.
- Great.
316
00:13:45,550 --> 00:13:46,900
Yeah, um, so...
317
00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:48,800
You ever buy Poppin' Fresh Dough?
Yeah.
318
00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:50,370
- Remember the sound it makes?
- Yeah.
319
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:58,300
- And that's how you do it.
- Oh, my God.
320
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:11,320
What the hell is a sold sign
doing on our front yard?
321
00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:12,980
Sold?
322
00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:14,220
No!
323
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,760
They talked about
putting it on the market.
324
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:18,590
Did you know about this
and not tell me?
325
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,220
Why don't people tell me things?
326
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,860
They spoke to me about it,
and we were considering it.
327
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:26,430
They fucking sold our fucking
childhood fucking home.
328
00:14:26,530 --> 00:14:28,570
I can't believe they did this
without consulting me.
329
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:31,770
This home should've been passed on.
330
00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:34,400
I'll talk them out of it. It's okay.
It's not okay!
331
00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:37,710
Because my great idea
just got fucked in the a-hole!
332
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,750
Welcome to my life!
333
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,250
Damn it. Shit!
334
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:46,590
Fuck! Shit, fuck!
335
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,060
Balls!
336
00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:02,140
What the f...
337
00:15:05,930 --> 00:15:08,140
Totally shady.
338
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:11,650
Where are the curtains
with the fruit on them?
339
00:15:11,740 --> 00:15:13,880
She was gonna give
all this stuff away?
340
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,220
I'm sorry,
I'm keeping this colander.
341
00:15:16,810 --> 00:15:18,090
Heartless.
342
00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:20,630
Where's the fucking
manatee lamp I made?
343
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,560
I'm sorry.
344
00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:26,730
This was not our doing.
345
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,790
They were gonna give away
the foldy yardstick?
346
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,100
Absolutely hell no.
347
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,570
Where in the hell
are Mom's tiny, ceramic shoes?
348
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,140
This is just so not okay.
349
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:43,270
So now some asshole family gets
to play in our sister tree?
350
00:15:43,340 --> 00:15:44,340
Fuck no.
351
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,350
Where are our parents?
352
00:15:46,970 --> 00:15:50,680
This nursing home better not
smell urine-y, like a death-cafeteria.
353
00:15:50,780 --> 00:15:53,280
It's not a nursing home,
it's an adult community.
354
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,950
Ifs called Village Du Soleil,
355
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,650
which in French means
"in the sun."
356
00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:59,630
Old people aren't supposed
to be in the sun! So stupid.
357
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:02,130
Yeah, Mom and Dad,
eat a pyramid of dicks.
358
00:16:02,190 --> 00:16:04,000
Sit on a bunch of pinecones.
359
00:16:04,090 --> 00:16:05,660
If I see Mom in one of those
one-chair beauty shops,
360
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,760
I will full-out BJ
a hot curling iron.
361
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:12,330
Rowdy seniors and booze by a lake?
That's a recipe for disaster.
362
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,170
If they have shower chairs
at this granny farm,
363
00:16:14,270 --> 00:16:16,110
I will slit my throat
and put it on YouTube.
364
00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:19,780
You failed to mention your plan.
365
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,340
Why didn't you tell me
that you sold the house?
366
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,450
Because we knew you'd try
to talk us out of it.
367
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:25,720
I mean, you were pushy kids.
368
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,790
You're selling your clocks,
by the way?
369
00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:29,350
What, are you secretly dying?
370
00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:31,860
No, I'm not dying.
I'm just sick of winding them.
371
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:33,300
Hey, I want Pop-Pop's
grandfather clock.
372
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,460
Where are you going to keep it?
In your purse?
373
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:38,700
The things in that house
meant something to us.
374
00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:43,870
Each one of those objects is a puzzle
piece in the story of our lives.
375
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,170
We just don't want
clutter anymore.
376
00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:47,800
Then what the fuck is this?
377
00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:50,040
Clutter? You don't want clutter?
378
00:16:50,140 --> 00:16:51,310
Clutter has a name.
379
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:54,650
And it's Pogee,
the Christmas Tree Elf.
380
00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:57,820
You take him. We're gonna
get a tabletop tree.
381
00:17:00,650 --> 00:17:02,860
Honestly...
We can't have Christmas here!
382
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,690
It feels good to purge.
383
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:09,160
And we downloaded
all our pictures!
384
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:11,000
You threw away
our baby pictures?
385
00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:12,370
No!
386
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:15,410
We sold them to the gay
man at the flea market
387
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,530
who turns them into funny cards.
388
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:21,440
And your father
put them on this.
389
00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:23,940
So I just stick this
up my vagina
390
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:25,540
and then I can see the pictures?
391
00:17:25,610 --> 00:17:27,450
- Oh, Katherine Anne. Stop.
- What?
392
00:17:27,540 --> 00:17:30,450
She's being funny,
because this is so crazy.
393
00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:34,080
What I think we all need
to do is go to lunch.
394
00:17:34,180 --> 00:17:38,100
And then we can discuss if selling
the house
is the best plan for us.
395
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:40,630
"Us" is happy
with the decision. Mmm?
396
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,430
You two go whoop it up.
397
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,630
No, don't go whoop it up.
It's all spiffed out.
398
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,870
It needs to stay that way
for the inspection on Monday.
399
00:17:47,930 --> 00:17:49,530
Honestly... We
can't have Christmas here!
400
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:53,800
I can't go to the bathroom at restaurants.
You know that.
401
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,880
All right, all right.
Just. I understand.
402
00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:57,970
If she's gonna poop at the house,
I wanna poop at the house.
403
00:17:58,070 --> 00:18:01,050
Yeah... All right, you can
both poop at the house.
404
00:18:01,110 --> 00:18:02,210
I like Arby's.
405
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,160
You know, let's just all agree
that this is a bad idea.
406
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:08,390
Listen to me. We're gonna take
you to dinner tomorrow night.
407
00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,460
Not gonna spend one last
night together in the house?
408
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,760
- Okay, I think...
- Maura, cool it.
409
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,330
It's a done deal.
410
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,430
Done.
411
00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:22,810
I got lured down here for this?
412
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:25,740
I don't clean up after myself anymore.
I'm an adult.
413
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,840
This is gonna be deeply painful.
414
00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,320
Oh, boy.
415
00:19:27,630 --> 00:19:30,970
Holy shit.
416
00:19:31,030 --> 00:19:32,070
Gimme!
417
00:19:34,870 --> 00:19:36,140
Ooh, listen to this.
418
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,210
"I got in a wreck
because I was admiring"
419
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:39,880
"the shoulder hickey
that Brett gave me"
420
00:19:39,970 --> 00:19:42,220
"and got t-boned
by a parked car."
421
00:19:42,310 --> 00:19:45,720
"Brett came over to comfort me
and I'm so obsessed with him."
422
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,490
"His face smells like Sea Breeze"
423
00:19:47,550 --> 00:19:50,720
"and his hair is so long
that when I make out with him"
424
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,490
"I pretend it's a scarf."
425
00:19:52,550 --> 00:19:54,060
"P.S. I might be pregnant."
426
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:56,760
That shit is juicy. Read yours.
427
00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:58,230
Okay.
428
00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:04,610
"I changed the grit
on my rock tumbler today."
429
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:07,010
"The amethyst
is really shaping up."
430
00:20:07,070 --> 00:20:09,780
"I'm gonna mount it
in a bolo tie for Dylan."
431
00:20:09,870 --> 00:20:15,120
"He got a new neck brace to
stretch his melting vertebrae."
432
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,550
"He loved his birthday card."
433
00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:20,680
"Especially how I burned
the edges of the scroll."
434
00:20:20,780 --> 00:20:24,020
"P.S. Crafting heals."
435
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,550
Huh.
436
00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:32,130
"Last night at the party,
I danced so hard my bra was soaking wet."
437
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:36,440
"Jeff and I were flirting, and then
he said, 'Let me show you something.'"
438
00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:39,810
"So we went to my room,
and guess what he showed me?"
439
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:42,040
"A ween that is still
wearing its hat."
440
00:20:42,370 --> 00:20:43,580
Mmm. Your turn.
441
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,240
Wow. How many times did you
have sex in this house?
442
00:20:46,310 --> 00:20:47,720
You should've had sex here.
443
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:50,120
Having sex in your childhood
bedroom is a rite of passage.
444
00:20:50,210 --> 00:20:54,560
You chose the party mom role
to protect yourself from fun.
445
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:55,820
No! I was not afraid of fun.
446
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,160
Here, check this out.
447
00:20:57,750 --> 00:20:59,230
"Happy birthday to me."
448
00:20:59,290 --> 00:21:01,820
"My party was amazing.
I got what I asked for."
449
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,730
"I am now a sponsor
of a child in Ecuador."
450
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:09,470
"I was the designated driver because I
could tell no one else wanted to be."
451
00:21:09,930 --> 00:21:12,970
"My favorite birthday gift was
knowing everyone got home safe."
452
00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:15,910
"Last night was so
fun I
can't even talk about it."
453
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:19,250
"There are no, period,
words, period."
454
00:21:19,310 --> 00:21:21,120
Man, I couldn't even
talk about it!
455
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:24,120
"I took my deaf
friend to the Sheila E. Concert"
456
00:21:24,180 --> 00:21:26,120
"so she could really
feel the music."
457
00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:27,520
"She was
so grateful."
458
00:21:27,610 --> 00:21:30,790
"I didn't smoke pot because I was afraid
there wasn't enough for everyone..."
459
00:21:30,850 --> 00:21:31,850
Oh, come on.
460
00:21:31,950 --> 00:21:33,830
I miss those goddamn glory days.
461
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,370
Well, clearly'
we had different experiences.
462
00:21:37,490 --> 00:21:40,440
Oh, here's a play-by-play
of a Jerry Lewis telethon.
463
00:21:40,490 --> 00:21:42,670
Here's a chart of all
the penises I ever saw.
464
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,800
Oh, good. Here's a quote
from Helen Keller.
465
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:47,710
Here's really incorrect information
about how to put a IUD in.
466
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,110
Here's a list of my houseplants.
467
00:21:49,170 --> 00:21:50,940
Put it in my butt.
Ew.
468
00:21:51,370 --> 00:21:53,550
I swear I was having fun.
469
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,490
I guess I was just making sure
the house didn't get destroyed.
470
00:21:57,610 --> 00:22:00,850
It's a damn shame that you
never had your night here.
471
00:22:04,890 --> 00:22:05,960
We cannot have a party.
472
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:08,520
A party?
473
00:22:08,620 --> 00:22:09,860
- That's a great idea.
- No.
474
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,370
You can't avoid putting
yourself out there forever!
475
00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:14,630
You're gonna dry up
like a granny apple doll.
476
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:15,830
The house is sold.
477
00:22:16,730 --> 00:22:18,000
No, it's not working.
478
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:19,740
Kate! Don't make that face.
479
00:22:20,170 --> 00:22:23,480
Do not work me like this! I hate
it when you make me the bummer.
480
00:22:24,970 --> 00:22:28,680
My life is super shitty right now.
I need to feel happy again.
481
00:22:30,740 --> 00:22:33,550
Fine. Let's just brush
our remaining teeth
482
00:22:33,650 --> 00:22:37,390
and call it a sad, hard day
for two dusty old twats.
483
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,490
Because we're done.
484
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:51,370
Also? P.S. It would be such an easy way for
you to pop your post-divorce flirt cherry.
485
00:22:51,430 --> 00:22:53,840
I would love
to see you let it rip.
486
00:22:53,900 --> 00:22:56,250
You're such a fun
as shit little sister.
487
00:22:56,340 --> 00:22:58,250
I really am so fun.
488
00:22:58,870 --> 00:23:01,440
I shouldn't keep that to myself.
No, you shouldn't!
489
00:23:07,610 --> 00:23:09,290
I think maybe we should do it.
490
00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:12,100
Can't hear you.
491
00:23:12,190 --> 00:23:13,690
I said maybe
we should have a party.
492
00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:15,460
Say what I wanna hear, girl!
493
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,370
Oh, my God. I don't know!
494
00:23:17,420 --> 00:23:19,630
Okay, let's do it.
Let's have a party!
495
00:23:23,130 --> 00:23:24,630
Oh, and you can invite
that cute neighbor guy
496
00:23:24,730 --> 00:23:26,440
and you can finally have sex
in your old, crappo bed!
497
00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:27,480
Yeah, but he's younger than me.
498
00:23:27,570 --> 00:23:29,380
Yeah, but he's taller than you,
and that's all that matters.
499
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,880
Oh, my God. I need this
night to reset myself!
500
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,550
We are having a party!
501
00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:55,970
How'd you sleep?
502
00:23:56,060 --> 00:23:58,740
I dreamt I had no job
and no place to live.
503
00:23:58,800 --> 00:23:59,830
Oh, wait.
504
00:23:59,930 --> 00:24:02,140
Got a picture from Haley.
505
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,280
Well, Her friend has a fancy-ass
fireplace in her house.
506
00:24:05,340 --> 00:24:08,010
No, it's one of those
Cosi Sandwich Shops.
507
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,120
Oh. Who the crap is that'?
508
00:24:13,580 --> 00:24:15,420
Are those the new owners?
509
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:16,620
- Ew. Fuck my life.
- Gross!
510
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,660
I want the front
yard to be, like, open-concept.
511
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:21,270
That old tree has gotta go.
512
00:24:21,490 --> 00:24:25,330
Oh, you just try to take down our
sister tree, you stupid stinkbug!
513
00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:27,200
I can smell that bitch's
hairspray from here.
514
00:24:27,290 --> 00:24:30,300
No, they can't fucking roll in
here like Jehovah's Witnesses!
515
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:31,480
Rude.
516
00:24:33,370 --> 00:24:34,370
What?
517
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:36,510
Can we help you?
Yes.
518
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,170
Our secretary didn't tell us
that we had an appointment.
519
00:24:39,270 --> 00:24:41,810
Oh, I'm Patrick Campbell.
This is Jane and Henry Geernt.
520
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,380
They're relocating from New
York City and buying this house.
521
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,790
So, are you their interpreter?
522
00:24:46,850 --> 00:24:49,190
If so, please tell them
hello for us.
523
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,030
They just want to see what these
blues look like on the sun porch.
524
00:24:52,150 --> 00:24:53,950
What do you mean? Sun porch?
Mmm-hmm.
525
00:24:54,050 --> 00:24:55,970
Are you even old enough
to get a mortgage?
526
00:24:56,020 --> 00:24:58,500
Oh, yes. But we're
buying it with cash.
527
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,870
You're painting
the sun porch? No.
528
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,470
It's a little "country" for us.
529
00:25:05,030 --> 00:25:08,880
Can you let your parents know that if
things like this aren't fixed by Monday,
530
00:25:08,970 --> 00:25:11,470
we're gonna have a real issue
following through with the sale.
531
00:25:12,370 --> 00:25:14,180
Yeah. That won't be okay.
532
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:15,350
I got a question.
533
00:25:15,410 --> 00:25:18,690
What percentage of your ward
robe is dry clean only?
534
00:25:18,980 --> 00:25:19,920
Seventy-eight?
535
00:25:20,150 --> 00:25:22,390
You guys seem like
you wear a lot of linen.
536
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,760
What kind of hot moron
paints a sun porch?
537
00:25:24,850 --> 00:25:27,390
Why don't you just put a toilet in
the living room and call it a day?
538
00:25:27,490 --> 00:25:28,490
Crazy!
539
00:25:29,020 --> 00:25:30,060
Is that dress from Target?
540
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,730
Um, no... 'Cause I've seen
one like it at Target.
541
00:25:32,830 --> 00:25:34,000
I've never been there before.
542
00:25:34,060 --> 00:25:35,770
You know there was
a murder here, right?
543
00:25:35,860 --> 00:25:37,600
No. What? I don't.
544
00:25:37,700 --> 00:25:39,080
Major cult stuff. Yeah.
545
00:25:39,170 --> 00:25:41,040
What, like a mass murder?
546
00:25:41,100 --> 00:25:43,210
- Seven?
- Okay.
547
00:25:43,270 --> 00:25:44,440
Seven sets of twins.
548
00:25:44,540 --> 00:25:46,420
So, 14. I'm sorry. What?
549
00:25:46,510 --> 00:25:47,830
You know
your cousin's gay, right?
550
00:25:47,870 --> 00:25:49,430
That's not my cousin.
That's my husband.
551
00:25:49,510 --> 00:25:50,580
That's your husband?
552
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:53,240
You're gonna have some surprising
shit go down in about 10 years.
553
00:25:53,850 --> 00:25:56,090
You ever feel like maybe
you peaked too soon?
554
00:25:56,180 --> 00:25:58,630
No, I don't.
'Cause it's a long life.
555
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:02,220
And I would hate to see you out
there blowing hobos at 40.
556
00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:03,300
Thank you.
557
00:26:03,390 --> 00:26:04,430
Blue?
558
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,940
What would possess a person
to paint stained wood blue?
559
00:26:07,030 --> 00:26:08,770
What, were you raised
on a tugboat?
560
00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:12,280
I'll drop off the paint later.
Unless you'll be day-napping.
561
00:26:12,370 --> 00:26:15,040
We sleep with our eyes
open, like sharks.
562
00:26:19,070 --> 00:26:21,070
Bye! Nice to meet you!
563
00:26:21,140 --> 00:26:22,250
Smell you later.
564
00:26:22,580 --> 00:26:24,450
What kind
of last name is Geernt?
565
00:26:24,540 --> 00:26:26,960
Geernt. Sounds like
a queef on a yoga ball.
566
00:26:27,050 --> 00:26:29,760
Yeah. More like the last sound you
hear before you shit your pants.
567
00:26:31,290 --> 00:26:32,760
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
568
00:26:33,890 --> 00:26:36,390
Okay. Let's start
working on those invites.
569
00:26:47,730 --> 00:26:49,980
Okay, let's see
who we got. Okay.
570
00:26:50,070 --> 00:26:51,740
- Vicka Bastione.
- Yeah.
571
00:26:52,910 --> 00:26:55,820
No on Alex. He's always on.
It's annoying as fuck.
572
00:26:55,910 --> 00:26:58,480
I know. He breaks my heart.
He wants to be funny, though.
573
00:26:58,580 --> 00:27:00,420
Yeah, well, people in hell
want ice water, too.
574
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:04,790
Dave. I did him because he
disgusted me in a sexy way.
575
00:27:05,190 --> 00:27:07,760
Short Hispanic guys always
acted like I was Xena.
576
00:27:08,260 --> 00:27:09,930
I bet he has, like,
50 DUIs right now.
577
00:27:10,690 --> 00:27:13,430
Brinda is a hard no.
578
00:27:13,490 --> 00:27:15,670
That monster and her minions
are not coming.
579
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:16,830
Why is she a monster?
580
00:27:16,930 --> 00:27:18,430
She knows what she did.
581
00:27:18,500 --> 00:27:19,500
Okay. Rob and Liz!
582
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,140
They used to have sex
in the weirdest places.
583
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,280
He took her from behind
in line at graduation.
584
00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:27,110
They could use a party.
They are terminally suburban.
585
00:27:27,510 --> 00:27:29,150
Kelly. That bitch is fun.
586
00:27:29,210 --> 00:27:30,380
Yeah. Kelly is fun!
587
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:31,480
Kelly is fun.
588
00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:42,630
So, we should go!
We have so much to do.
589
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,700
You have to invite that cute
guy from down the street.
590
00:27:44,790 --> 00:27:47,970
Mmm. Maybe.
I don't know. We'll see.
591
00:28:00,710 --> 00:28:03,050
Have a great day, Fran.
592
00:28:04,310 --> 00:28:06,550
Oh, my God. It's Brinda.
593
00:28:06,650 --> 00:28:07,820
Ugh...
594
00:28:07,910 --> 00:28:10,360
Brinda always looks like she has
a fart coming out sideways.
595
00:28:10,420 --> 00:28:14,890
I feel bad that we didn't invite her. I
hate it when people aren't included.
596
00:28:14,990 --> 00:28:16,490
Oh, God. What if she asks
us to come to the party?
597
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,190
I'm not gonna be able
to say no to her face.
598
00:28:18,260 --> 00:28:20,260
You know I can't reject people.
I have a dog with one eye.
599
00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:21,740
Here she comes. She's coming close.
She's right here.
600
00:28:21,830 --> 00:28:23,150
She's almost here.
She's here now.
601
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,410
Hey, Brinda. What up?
602
00:28:25,500 --> 00:28:27,450
Well, well, well.
603
00:28:27,530 --> 00:28:30,010
I thought I saw
the Ellis sisters.
604
00:28:30,070 --> 00:28:32,520
Hey, Brinda.
What have you been up to?
605
00:28:32,710 --> 00:28:34,880
Not party-wise,
just life in general.
606
00:28:35,610 --> 00:28:38,420
Not much. Just, you know,
building a career.
607
00:28:38,510 --> 00:28:43,390
Being successful and having a
really full and wonderful life.
608
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:44,620
I'm very blessed.
609
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:48,260
I'm sure you've seen around town,
I'm a pretty successful realtor now.
610
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,930
I'm plastered
all over the bus stops.
611
00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:52,260
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
612
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,460
I thought you were missing. I saw
your picture on the bus stop.
613
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:55,840
I just assumed you were missing.
614
00:28:56,100 --> 00:28:58,410
And you? What are you up to?
Nothing?
615
00:28:59,230 --> 00:29:04,980
We are on the way to a shelter
to give people this party food.
616
00:29:05,310 --> 00:29:07,290
Oh, is that why you're
dressed like the homeless?
617
00:29:07,610 --> 00:29:09,610
What are you buying?
Stool softener?
618
00:29:09,710 --> 00:29:11,880
No. Actually, um, Diet Coke.
619
00:29:12,050 --> 00:29:14,220
Got some Poise Pads
in there, I see.
620
00:29:14,550 --> 00:29:17,090
Good. Little asshole cream.
No.
621
00:29:17,220 --> 00:29:19,250
Don't you look great.
That's a snazzy belt.
622
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:20,800
Oh, thank you!
623
00:29:20,890 --> 00:29:22,730
Yeah, congrats on
your wrestling championship.
624
00:29:23,790 --> 00:29:24,890
It's Ralph Lauren.
625
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:26,730
Is that how you say it?
Uh, yeah.
626
00:29:26,990 --> 00:29:28,440
Do you get good Wi-Fi with that?
627
00:29:28,500 --> 00:29:30,410
So I see you're having a party.
628
00:29:30,460 --> 00:29:31,970
I mean, we're just
kind of picking...
629
00:29:32,070 --> 00:29:33,600
Yep. Having a party. Yeah.
630
00:29:33,670 --> 00:29:35,770
I heard you were having a party.
631
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:37,820
From someone who got invited.
632
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,080
You were on our list, but
you're very hard to track down.
633
00:29:41,140 --> 00:29:42,450
Are you on email?
634
00:29:42,580 --> 00:29:44,990
Uh, it's B-dot-rinda...
635
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,350
That's what I did wrong.
I forgot the dot.
636
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:48,930
And we forgot to type it.
637
00:29:48,980 --> 00:29:50,930
And also we didn't send it.
638
00:29:50,980 --> 00:29:52,460
I must admit,
639
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,620
when I heard you were having
an Ellis Island party
640
00:29:54,690 --> 00:29:57,130
I was like,
"What? What year is it?"
641
00:29:57,190 --> 00:29:59,330
It's pretty sad.
642
00:29:59,430 --> 00:30:03,100
It used to hurt me when you never
invited me to any of your parties,
643
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:07,370
but I did a lot of thinking
and a little bit of prayer,
644
00:30:08,270 --> 00:30:10,440
and now I just feel
sort of bad for you two.
645
00:30:10,770 --> 00:30:12,980
You know, because it's
such a desperate event.
646
00:30:15,010 --> 00:30:17,110
Bye.
647
00:30:19,610 --> 00:30:21,220
You're a desperate event!
648
00:30:21,310 --> 00:30:22,380
I can still hear you!
649
00:30:22,980 --> 00:30:24,360
Good. Can you hear this?
650
00:30:24,450 --> 00:30:26,060
Suck a fucking bag of dicks!
651
00:30:26,150 --> 00:30:27,320
She can't hear that.
652
00:30:27,650 --> 00:30:29,960
Strutting around Big
Lots like it's Bloomingdale's
653
00:30:30,020 --> 00:30:31,370
in her bullshit shoes.
654
00:30:31,460 --> 00:30:34,200
Real estate bitch
acting like Suze Orman.
655
00:30:34,290 --> 00:30:36,240
You know what she has?
Crabs in her eyebrows.
656
00:30:36,730 --> 00:30:39,040
Tumbleweeds
rolling across her beav.
657
00:30:39,130 --> 00:30:42,050
I am done wasting words
on that hoe.
658
00:30:42,140 --> 00:30:44,310
I'm sorry, Vicky.
Don't apologize for me.
659
00:30:45,310 --> 00:30:46,810
Is Vicky your real name?
660
00:30:48,010 --> 00:30:49,490
What's your Korean name?
661
00:30:53,250 --> 00:30:54,590
Hae-Won.
662
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,320
Hae-Won. What a beautiful name.
What does that mean?
663
00:30:57,650 --> 00:30:59,190
Hae-Won mean "head".
664
00:30:59,390 --> 00:31:00,490
Oh.
665
00:31:01,660 --> 00:31:04,690
Has-Won?
Am I saying it correctly?
666
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:05,900
Hae-Won.
667
00:31:05,990 --> 00:31:07,440
Oh, Hae-Won.
668
00:31:07,530 --> 00:31:09,770
No. Hae-Won.
669
00:31:09,860 --> 00:31:11,040
Hae-Won.
670
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,170
Not Hae-Won. Hae-Won.
671
00:31:14,270 --> 00:31:16,680
Hae-Won.
No. Hae-Won.
672
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:18,440
Hae-Won.
Hae-Won.
673
00:31:18,540 --> 00:31:21,040
Hae-Won.
Hae-Won.
674
00:31:21,110 --> 00:31:23,420
I feel like
I'm saying it right. No?
675
00:31:23,510 --> 00:31:25,580
I'm too high. Hae-Hae-Won.
676
00:31:26,350 --> 00:31:27,380
Yes.
677
00:31:28,110 --> 00:31:29,590
It's not coming out right,
but I'll get it.
678
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,430
Like, "I'm having fun at party."
679
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,190
"Hey." Plus "one."
680
00:31:35,890 --> 00:31:38,600
Hey one.
681
00:31:38,690 --> 00:31:40,260
- So you like parties.
- Yes.
682
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:41,400
Hmm.
683
00:31:41,460 --> 00:31:44,310
Your name?
Oh, my name is Maura.
684
00:31:44,430 --> 00:31:45,740
Maura.
685
00:31:45,900 --> 00:31:47,110
Watch me. Maura.
686
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:48,610
Maura.
687
00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:51,240
I don't open my mouth like that.
Just, Maura.
688
00:31:51,300 --> 00:31:52,410
Maura.
689
00:31:52,540 --> 00:31:54,420
It's not Maura.
690
00:31:54,710 --> 00:31:57,250
You see the difference
in my mouth? Maura.
691
00:31:57,380 --> 00:31:58,450
Maura.
692
00:31:58,550 --> 00:31:59,960
We have different mouths.
693
00:32:00,050 --> 00:32:01,460
It's okay.
694
00:32:04,380 --> 00:32:08,160
Why do they always have to give
them American names? It's so sad.
695
00:32:08,250 --> 00:32:11,460
I bet Nail Pimp Daddy over there
treats them like his whores.
696
00:32:11,590 --> 00:32:13,510
We need to get Lucy Liu to go under...
Lisa Ling.
697
00:32:13,590 --> 00:32:16,940
Lisa Ling to go undercover and
investigate these dirty-ass nail salons.
698
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:20,570
But they are hiring and you
are licensed to do nails.
699
00:32:20,670 --> 00:32:23,650
I don't wanna work here. They
have a bass in their aquarium.
700
00:32:23,740 --> 00:32:26,450
It's beautiful here. Everything
smells like lavender.
701
00:32:26,510 --> 00:32:28,990
Plus, you could teach them a
lot, because you know your shit.
702
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:30,150
I do know my shit.
703
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,920
I could French manicure a chicken
while it was running away.
704
00:32:34,510 --> 00:32:36,910
Guess I could get something
better once we're settled, right?
705
00:32:37,020 --> 00:32:40,160
Exactly! And then just wait
until you get that better job
706
00:32:40,250 --> 00:32:41,760
before you quit this one.
707
00:32:42,590 --> 00:32:44,800
I'm open to new ways.
708
00:32:47,090 --> 00:32:48,040
Your sister?
709
00:32:48,130 --> 00:32:49,130
Yes, that's my sister.
710
00:32:49,460 --> 00:32:50,460
You're older.
711
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:52,170
No.
Yes.
712
00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:54,600
Why would you say that?
713
00:32:54,930 --> 00:32:55,940
Your face.
714
00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:57,200
Oh.
715
00:32:57,370 --> 00:32:58,370
Older.
716
00:32:58,670 --> 00:32:59,670
No.
Yes.
717
00:32:59,770 --> 00:33:00,770
Okay.
718
00:33:02,780 --> 00:33:04,880
So, do you like working here?
719
00:33:04,980 --> 00:33:06,180
I love it.
720
00:33:08,310 --> 00:33:09,820
Do you get proper lunch breaks?
721
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:10,990
What is lunch?
722
00:33:11,850 --> 00:33:13,800
Oh, my God. That's terrible.
723
00:33:14,050 --> 00:33:15,160
Hey.
724
00:33:15,220 --> 00:33:17,360
Thank you so much for this.
This is a great place.
725
00:33:17,460 --> 00:33:19,120
Of course.
726
00:33:21,230 --> 00:33:23,230
So, uh, I see you're hiring.
727
00:33:25,830 --> 00:33:27,970
Oh, we are not hiring right now.
728
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:31,240
You just got a big old sign.
729
00:33:31,570 --> 00:33:34,850
Hey, Hae-Won. Would you like
to come to a party tonight?
730
00:33:35,410 --> 00:33:37,550
You and your friends come, okay?
731
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:38,750
To do nail?
732
00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:41,220
Oh, no. No, no, no. Party?
733
00:33:41,310 --> 00:33:42,730
You can bring whoever you want.
734
00:33:42,820 --> 00:33:44,230
Party, yes.
735
00:33:45,150 --> 00:33:47,500
Sojus.
Jews.
736
00:33:47,550 --> 00:33:49,830
Soju there? Sure.
There'll be Jews there.
737
00:33:49,890 --> 00:33:53,060
Love jus. Koreans love jus.
738
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:54,230
Koreans love Jews.
739
00:33:54,330 --> 00:33:56,100
I love jus.
I love Jews, too.
740
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:57,200
Jus.
741
00:33:57,260 --> 00:34:00,340
Adam is thinking of coming, and
Gabe is on the fence, so...
742
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:01,500
Soju.
743
00:34:01,570 --> 00:34:03,710
I'm worried we aren't talking
about the same thing.
744
00:34:04,670 --> 00:34:06,550
- Juice. Drinking juice.
- Jus.
745
00:34:06,610 --> 00:34:07,910
You stupid.
746
00:34:08,010 --> 00:34:10,720
There'll be juice there. There'll be
food there. There'll be Jews there.
747
00:34:10,780 --> 00:34:12,260
Okay. Yes. Great.
748
00:34:12,350 --> 00:34:15,350
Okay, listen. My daughter
and I are moving to Orlando
749
00:34:15,420 --> 00:34:17,620
and I really need a job.
750
00:34:17,780 --> 00:34:19,260
Oh, no.
751
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,570
Okay, look. Just smile and shake
my hand like you gave me a job
752
00:34:25,630 --> 00:34:27,270
and I will text you
a picture of my boobs.
753
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:29,030
Real good ones. High and happy.
754
00:34:29,460 --> 00:34:31,200
No? I misread your deal.
755
00:34:31,260 --> 00:34:32,470
Smile and shake my hand.
756
00:34:32,570 --> 00:34:34,740
Or I will text
you a picture of my boobs,
757
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:36,280
and I know you don't
wanna see them.
758
00:34:38,270 --> 00:34:40,480
Awesome! Thank you, Vicky.
759
00:34:40,570 --> 00:34:43,110
I will see you on Monday.
760
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:45,580
Boom! I got a job.
761
00:34:45,650 --> 00:34:48,790
And look what I pulled out of your wallet.
"Success is desire in action."
762
00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,760
Amazing! You're crushing it!
763
00:34:50,820 --> 00:34:51,890
Whoo!
764
00:34:52,220 --> 00:34:53,250
We need to cancel dinner
with Mom and Dad.
765
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,270
What if we lie to Mom and Dad and
then they die in their sleep?
766
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,390
Don't let them smell your guilt.
767
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:01,260
Girls.
768
00:35:01,330 --> 00:35:03,270
Hey, Mom, we are doing
so much work over there
769
00:35:03,330 --> 00:35:05,500
and doing nothing else,
and I am telling the truth.
770
00:35:06,330 --> 00:35:07,400
Well.
771
00:35:07,970 --> 00:35:12,110
I was just putting the
silverware in the drawers here.
772
00:35:12,170 --> 00:35:14,080
Hey, we can't
have dinner tonight.
773
00:35:14,140 --> 00:35:18,780
Yeah, because we're in such packing
mode we don't wanna stop our groove.
774
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:20,750
Sounds good!
775
00:35:34,590 --> 00:35:35,600
Oh.
776
00:35:35,660 --> 00:35:37,640
No. We've...
777
00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:38,800
Okay!
778
00:35:38,870 --> 00:35:40,210
Bye. We're leaving!
779
00:35:40,700 --> 00:35:42,810
Did we just cockblock
our parents'?
780
00:35:42,870 --> 00:35:44,470
They were fresh
off the sex griddle.
781
00:35:44,540 --> 00:35:46,540
There was so much
color in her face.
782
00:35:48,510 --> 00:35:51,790
Hey, see you tonight! You know, I'm
laying down a bread base.
783
00:35:51,850 --> 00:35:53,950
So I wanna stop by Sam and
Gray's house, real quick.
784
00:35:54,010 --> 00:35:55,930
Oh, I haven't seen those homos
since high school!
785
00:35:55,980 --> 00:35:56,980
I know.
786
00:35:57,050 --> 00:35:59,660
They said that we could borrow those
cool chairs they had at their wedding.
787
00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:01,460
Gays know how to throw a party.
788
00:36:02,190 --> 00:36:05,530
Go to Costco,
get a pan of hot wings.
789
00:36:05,630 --> 00:36:07,800
Get some big, basic salamis.
790
00:36:07,860 --> 00:36:10,070
Or just make a fuckload
of potato salad.
791
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:11,840
With Tostitos Scoops.
792
00:36:11,900 --> 00:36:13,740
It's like a spoon you can eat.
793
00:36:14,900 --> 00:36:19,210
Obviously, it's the gay men who
have the great party ideas.
794
00:36:19,310 --> 00:36:22,880
I wish being gay was a choice because I
always did like that shorts and boots look.
795
00:36:22,980 --> 00:36:23,980
Yeah, I don't know.
796
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:25,990
For me, the deal breaker might
be the eating of the pussy.
797
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:29,750
Oh, really? Because for me it would just be
the fucking unbearable amount of talking.
798
00:36:29,850 --> 00:36:30,880
BYE, guys!
799
00:36:38,690 --> 00:36:40,100
Hmm, what do you think, Brayla?
800
00:36:40,190 --> 00:36:42,330
That looks amazing on you.
801
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,570
I never met a Brayla before.
802
00:36:44,700 --> 00:36:46,070
I know, like, three.
803
00:36:46,170 --> 00:36:48,740
Oh, so you're trending.
God bless.
804
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:53,680
You know, it's a lot of under teat but
I think I'm getting away with it.
805
00:36:53,740 --> 00:36:55,450
Also it's, um, on backwards.
806
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:00,220
You think? Yeah.
807
00:37:01,010 --> 00:37:02,050
How's it going in there?
808
00:37:02,620 --> 00:37:04,390
I don't get this dress.
809
00:37:04,450 --> 00:37:06,900
One of my apples
keeps rolling out of the bag.
810
00:37:07,750 --> 00:37:10,630
But I like the story
it tells with the fringe.
811
00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:12,230
You're gonna have to rock a
thong with this, though.
812
00:37:12,290 --> 00:37:15,270
Oh, no, I don't wear thongs.
I have a very fussy taint.
813
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,710
You just have to build up a callus.
Right, Brayla?
814
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,200
That looks amazing on you.
815
00:37:20,270 --> 00:37:23,040
I worry that she just wants the sale.
She's not telling us the truth.
816
00:37:23,100 --> 00:37:26,140
No. Brayla has no pleasure center
in her brain.
817
00:37:26,810 --> 00:37:27,910
Oh, here we go.
818
00:37:27,970 --> 00:37:31,050
Haley! How-slash-where are you?
819
00:37:31,110 --> 00:37:32,590
You can trust me.
820
00:37:32,650 --> 00:37:33,920
I am at a friend's house.
821
00:37:33,980 --> 00:37:35,760
So I go! Your text message
822
00:37:35,820 --> 00:37:39,420
about moving in with Gram and Gramps,
and you know I love Orlando.
823
00:37:39,490 --> 00:37:41,230
I'm super excited about this!
824
00:37:41,620 --> 00:37:43,760
Yeah, you know what? I was
real excited about it, too,
825
00:37:43,820 --> 00:37:47,070
and it turns out that Gram and
Gramps are selling their house.
826
00:37:47,130 --> 00:37:48,160
Oh...
827
00:37:48,330 --> 00:37:51,430
Okay, I like that it
has a strong message,
828
00:37:51,500 --> 00:37:53,600
but I am afraid that I'm gonna
zip my bush up in there.
829
00:37:53,670 --> 00:37:57,310
We can still make Orlando happen. I
promise, I will find another way.
830
00:37:58,940 --> 00:38:00,420
Don't be upset.
831
00:38:01,010 --> 00:38:02,510
Okay, give it to me.
832
00:38:02,610 --> 00:38:04,420
- Hey, honey. It's Maura.
- Hey.
833
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,790
Listen, your morn forgot to tell
you the most important part,
834
00:38:06,850 --> 00:38:11,300
which is that she got a job out
here at a very fancy nail salon.
835
00:38:11,350 --> 00:38:12,690
- Really?
- Yes.
836
00:38:12,820 --> 00:38:13,920
Try something on.
837
00:38:14,020 --> 00:38:18,800
So I think maybe you should come here
earlier next week, and surprise her.
838
00:38:19,460 --> 00:38:20,700
She really misses you.
839
00:38:20,790 --> 00:38:23,270
Aunt Maura, I don't know.
I don't know.
840
00:38:23,630 --> 00:38:26,170
Haley, I know I said that I was
going to help you for a while,
841
00:38:26,270 --> 00:38:28,470
but now you have to get
back with your mother.
842
00:38:28,530 --> 00:38:30,040
I hate keeping secrets.
843
00:38:30,300 --> 00:38:33,550
Especially from my sister.
It gives me guilt diarrhea.
844
00:38:33,670 --> 00:38:35,980
Okay. But what should I do
with Polenta?
845
00:38:37,810 --> 00:38:40,220
The dog-sitters number
is on the counter.
846
00:38:40,350 --> 00:38:43,880
Use my credit card, and get
a flight, and come here.
847
00:38:43,980 --> 00:38:46,190
It's gonna work this time,
honey, I promise.
848
00:38:46,290 --> 00:38:47,730
Okay, if you think so.
849
00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:50,000
I love you.
Love you, too.
850
00:38:50,060 --> 00:38:51,060
Bye.
851
00:38:52,530 --> 00:38:54,630
Haley's good. It's all fine.
852
00:38:54,860 --> 00:38:56,810
Aw. That's awesome. Thanks.
853
00:38:56,860 --> 00:38:59,470
These dresses are made for
Chinese tomboys, by the way.
854
00:38:59,530 --> 00:39:00,740
I don't know about that one.
855
00:39:00,830 --> 00:39:02,740
Really, because
what about this part?
856
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:08,140
That's a Play-Doh Fun
Factory right there. Ooh.
857
00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:10,520
And the eye goes right to it.
Yeah, look at that.
858
00:39:13,980 --> 00:39:18,190
That is flesh, and dudes like that. They
don't care what thing it's coming out of.
859
00:39:18,250 --> 00:39:19,360
This dress smells like pickles.
860
00:39:19,420 --> 00:39:20,420
Better work.
861
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:22,020
It just feels like
it's maybe one or the other.
862
00:39:22,090 --> 00:39:24,000
I think it's what they call
"either/and."
863
00:39:24,060 --> 00:39:25,430
No, I don't. Well...
864
00:39:25,530 --> 00:39:27,330
Right, Brayla?
Brayla, where you from?
865
00:39:27,430 --> 00:39:29,700
That looks amazing on you.
Mmm-hmm.
866
00:39:30,230 --> 00:39:32,540
We got to find another store,
they can't handle our heat here.
867
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:37,010
God. We need, like, a little less "Forever
21" and a little more "Suddenly 42."
868
00:39:37,100 --> 00:39:39,550
Yeah. We are keeping it tight.
869
00:39:39,610 --> 00:39:41,880
It is tight. This is very tight.
870
00:39:41,940 --> 00:39:43,850
Here, give me a kiss.
871
00:39:50,720 --> 00:39:53,060
- Wait. Where are we going?
- One last errand.
872
00:39:57,460 --> 00:39:59,030
- Get it, girl.
- What?
873
00:39:59,890 --> 00:40:03,310
Oh, my God. Damn it. I knew it!
You never offer to drive.
874
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:06,810
Ask him. "Desire needs action," or
whatever the fuck that one said.
875
00:40:06,900 --> 00:40:09,640
I don't have my good bra on.
I have beef jerky breath.
876
00:40:10,100 --> 00:40:11,640
Okay. Okay.
877
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:13,980
Hi. Hi.
878
00:40:15,310 --> 00:40:18,590
I'm, uh, Maura,
from yonder there.
879
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,750
My sister and I
objectified you yesterday?
880
00:40:21,810 --> 00:40:23,230
I remember you.
881
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,230
I'm James.
Hi, James.
882
00:40:25,990 --> 00:40:27,090
Do you go by Jimmy?
883
00:40:27,150 --> 00:40:29,500
Usually James, sometimes James.
884
00:40:29,590 --> 00:40:32,300
Well, just wanted to say hello.
And that's all I got, so.
885
00:40:36,660 --> 00:40:38,070
Uh...
886
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,680
Would you borrow me
your bathroom?
887
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:43,280
Number one only.
888
00:40:43,340 --> 00:40:45,820
Of course, come in. You can do
whatever you want in there, really.
889
00:40:45,910 --> 00:40:47,010
Wow.
890
00:40:47,110 --> 00:40:50,350
I am actually just renovating it,
I'm gonna put it on the market.
891
00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,820
Wow. You're doing a really nice job.
Oh, thank you.
892
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:56,290
It was my parents' house, but they
passed away within a year of each other.
893
00:40:56,350 --> 00:40:58,690
Oh, my God. That's horrible.
894
00:40:59,290 --> 00:41:01,420
Yeah. Yeah, it was really sad.
895
00:41:03,860 --> 00:41:04,930
Are you gonna be okay?
896
00:41:05,690 --> 00:41:08,040
I'm sorry. It's just that's,
like, my worst fear.
897
00:41:08,130 --> 00:41:11,270
I'm sorry I told you. I'm
sorry you had to find out this way.
898
00:41:11,660 --> 00:41:13,040
My legs just went numb.
899
00:41:13,870 --> 00:41:15,140
I'll be okay.
900
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:16,560
Uh, do you still
need the bathroom?
901
00:41:16,670 --> 00:41:17,830
I think I'm too sad to go now.
902
00:41:17,870 --> 00:41:18,970
Yeah, of course.
903
00:41:19,470 --> 00:41:20,780
Okay.
904
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:22,320
Hey, who's this guy?
905
00:41:22,380 --> 00:41:24,980
Oh, that's Mashed Potatoes.
906
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:26,320
I'm pretty mad at him right now.
907
00:41:26,550 --> 00:41:27,990
Hey!
908
00:41:30,220 --> 00:41:33,390
Would you like to
flank me at a party
909
00:41:33,490 --> 00:41:35,470
that I'm attending at
my own house tonight?
910
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:36,630
Him or me?
911
00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:38,960
Oh, you.
Yeah, yeah.
912
00:41:39,660 --> 00:41:41,000
Ah, maybe. What time?
913
00:41:41,060 --> 00:41:43,340
8:30. 8:45. 9:00.
914
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,810
You know, it doesn't matter.
I'm pretty laid back.
915
00:41:45,870 --> 00:41:49,510
Okay, okay. Let me just, uh,
check my calendar real quick.
916
00:41:49,570 --> 00:41:51,170
You're lucky. I am free.
917
00:41:51,240 --> 00:41:53,200
Well, that's a good news!
918
00:41:54,370 --> 00:41:56,650
I'm not Italian. I don't know
why I said it like that.
919
00:41:56,710 --> 00:41:58,350
No, I like Italians.
920
00:41:59,150 --> 00:42:00,070
Okay. I'm half-Italian.
921
00:42:00,150 --> 00:42:01,320
No, I'm not. That was a lie.
922
00:42:01,710 --> 00:42:05,990
So, then I... There, yeah. Okay.
923
00:42:06,220 --> 00:42:07,990
You will come to the party
924
00:42:08,050 --> 00:42:10,730
and I cannot stop trailing off.
925
00:42:11,420 --> 00:42:12,600
All right.
But I will now.
926
00:42:12,690 --> 00:42:18,170
I'm just gonna casually George
Jefferson my way out of here.
927
00:42:18,330 --> 00:42:19,500
To you.
928
00:42:19,570 --> 00:42:25,170
And just gonna ease on down the
road and re-run it to the car.
929
00:42:25,670 --> 00:42:27,170
Okay, goodbye. Oh!
930
00:42:34,010 --> 00:42:35,360
Bye!
931
00:42:35,410 --> 00:42:36,550
Kate, let me in.
932
00:42:38,580 --> 00:42:39,690
Oh, hello.
933
00:42:39,850 --> 00:42:40,920
Hi. Why?
934
00:42:41,020 --> 00:42:42,860
We were measuring for a pergola.
935
00:42:43,020 --> 00:42:45,970
What, like Polish food? I'm sorry,
are you having a party here?
936
00:42:46,460 --> 00:42:47,560
- Nope.
- Nope.
937
00:42:47,630 --> 00:42:50,070
If really looks like
you're having a party.
938
00:42:50,130 --> 00:42:52,370
Oh, Gosh. I hate to make
you feel like a dick,
939
00:42:52,470 --> 00:42:54,950
but this is actually for a wake.
940
00:42:55,030 --> 00:42:57,240
I am very sorry to hear that.
941
00:42:57,300 --> 00:43:01,120
Yeah. We always told our cousin,
"Don't play on the tracks."
942
00:43:01,210 --> 00:43:02,410
Dear God.
943
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:03,890
I'm so sorry for your loss.
944
00:43:03,940 --> 00:43:05,820
Obviously,
our cousin was a dumbass.
945
00:43:06,810 --> 00:43:08,220
But we will miss her. Him.
946
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:09,760
Herm. His name was Herm.
947
00:43:09,820 --> 00:43:11,950
They found his head,
like, a mile away.
948
00:43:12,050 --> 00:43:14,290
I think he's probably gonna
haunt the house forever.
949
00:43:14,390 --> 00:43:16,160
Headless and angry.
Yeah.
950
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:18,900
I am not buying that bull waste.
951
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:20,460
That's a girl's belt.
952
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,440
Rich people can just decide
to move somewhere.
953
00:43:23,500 --> 00:43:25,770
Choke on a roll of cash.
954
00:43:25,830 --> 00:43:26,830
So I've been thinking.
955
00:43:26,970 --> 00:43:27,970
Why?
956
00:43:28,070 --> 00:43:30,670
You've asserted yourself,
and you got a job,
957
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,680
so maybe I could
give you a loan.
958
00:43:33,770 --> 00:43:35,410
To get a new place.
959
00:43:35,470 --> 00:43:37,760
When you say "loan“, do you
mean the kind you pay back,
960
00:43:37,810 --> 00:43:40,090
or, like, a "wink-wink" loan?
961
00:43:40,150 --> 00:43:41,350
All loans are
supposed to be paid back.
962
00:43:41,450 --> 00:43:42,790
Not in my experience.
963
00:43:42,850 --> 00:43:44,690
But you can do that now
because you have a job.
964
00:43:44,750 --> 00:43:46,790
I do.
965
00:43:46,850 --> 00:43:50,320
That is an awesome offer.
All right!
966
00:43:50,420 --> 00:43:51,630
Okay, wait.
967
00:43:51,690 --> 00:43:54,870
I am going to ask you for something
in return for the money,
968
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:57,800
and I don't want you to think that
this loan is contingent on that,
969
00:43:57,860 --> 00:43:59,710
but I will say that
if you don't do it,
970
00:43:59,870 --> 00:44:01,780
I feel like I might
not give you the money.
971
00:44:01,830 --> 00:44:03,010
Okay. Great. What?
972
00:44:06,170 --> 00:44:08,850
It's a lot harder than I thought.
Just give me a minute.
973
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:12,950
Will you be
the party mom tonight?
974
00:44:13,050 --> 00:44:15,180
So I can let my freak flag fly?
975
00:44:16,220 --> 00:44:17,350
I would love to.
976
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:18,620
Yeah?
977
00:44:20,190 --> 00:44:22,290
Because your face is
telling me something else.
978
00:44:23,220 --> 00:44:24,720
That would bring me joy.
979
00:44:25,620 --> 00:44:28,000
You know what? Forget it. It'll
just get screwed up. I'll do it.
980
00:44:28,060 --> 00:44:29,400
You don't think I can
take care of people?
981
00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:32,640
I am an actual mom! I got this!
982
00:44:32,700 --> 00:44:34,680
Okay, but the party mom
can't drink.
983
00:44:34,730 --> 00:44:36,910
What fresh fuckery is that?
984
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,180
Does a mother drink
at her kid's birthday party?
985
00:44:39,240 --> 00:44:40,740
Yeah, if there's a lifeguard.
986
00:44:40,870 --> 00:44:42,350
No.
987
00:44:42,410 --> 00:44:44,080
It's okay. I don't mind.
988
00:44:44,180 --> 00:44:46,590
Forget it.
I'll be fine. It's okay.
989
00:44:54,250 --> 00:44:57,430
Okay. I won't drink tonight.
You groin it up.
990
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:59,000
I'll be you. You be me.
991
00:44:59,090 --> 00:45:01,940
Oh, my God. So many red flags! Okay.
Let's do this!
992
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:07,340
When you're flirting with Mr. Man,
don't weave your divorce tale.
993
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,600
Drunk people like to show off with fire.
Shut it down.
994
00:45:11,170 --> 00:45:15,020
Over-pronounce things, because he
is gonna be watching your mouth.
995
00:45:15,940 --> 00:45:18,350
Remember, don't leave someone
when they're throwing up.
996
00:45:18,410 --> 00:45:19,790
Sleep-barfing kills.
997
00:45:20,250 --> 00:45:22,850
Once you're in the bedroom,
998
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:24,550
lock the door so
I can't burst in
999
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:26,290
and take
a commemorative picture.
1000
00:45:28,590 --> 00:45:31,360
Kate, can you clean
up this gel please?
1001
00:45:31,420 --> 00:45:34,080
Yes! Stop asking me about it.
1002
00:45:49,070 --> 00:45:52,450
It's that scary time when you're
afraid that no one will show up.
1003
00:45:52,950 --> 00:45:55,320
It's 8:32. People aren't gonna...
1004
00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:00,400
Take it, girl.
This is your show.
1005
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:04,930
Hey.
1006
00:46:04,990 --> 00:46:07,160
Hey! Hi! Hey!
1007
00:46:07,260 --> 00:46:09,470
It's Rob and Liz. And their son.
1008
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:10,600
Nope.
1009
00:46:10,660 --> 00:46:11,770
Not happening. No kids.
1010
00:46:11,830 --> 00:46:13,500
Yeah, he can just
watch TV downstairs.
1011
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:15,270
No. Him got to go.
1012
00:46:15,330 --> 00:46:18,080
Yeah. Sorry, there's just too
many things he could ingest.
1013
00:46:18,770 --> 00:46:20,110
Um...
1014
00:46:20,610 --> 00:46:21,780
We'll be back.
1015
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,450
Chase, we are gonna go see Nana.
1016
00:46:24,510 --> 00:46:26,110
Yeah. Yeah. Yay!
1017
00:46:26,180 --> 00:46:27,450
You remember her, right?
1018
00:46:27,510 --> 00:46:29,650
Damn. Adults are on time, huh?
1019
00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:30,750
Yeah.
1020
00:46:31,180 --> 00:46:33,130
Why is Alex
walking up our driveway?
1021
00:46:33,190 --> 00:46:36,530
I'm so sorry. I invited him, because I
feel bad for him. He's very lonely.
1022
00:46:36,620 --> 00:46:38,970
Knock, knock. Who's there?
1023
00:46:39,020 --> 00:46:41,270
Duane! Duane who?
1024
00:46:41,330 --> 00:46:42,640
Duane the bathtub.
1025
00:46:42,700 --> 00:46:45,700
I'm dwowning!
1026
00:46:48,030 --> 00:46:49,310
You still got it!
1027
00:46:49,370 --> 00:46:51,680
May I please have a beverage?
1028
00:46:53,140 --> 00:46:55,180
Sanctuary! Mmm.
1029
00:46:56,210 --> 00:46:58,050
Wow!
1030
00:46:58,180 --> 00:47:01,120
Welcome to Jurassic Park!
1031
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:05,290
Christ, he is
immediately exhausting.
1032
00:47:05,350 --> 00:47:06,520
Hello there.
1033
00:47:06,650 --> 00:47:07,790
Fun train pulling in!
1034
00:47:07,850 --> 00:47:10,200
Booze, booze! Whoo-hoo!
1035
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:20,870
And when my dad finally died,
he actually glowed.
1036
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:24,640
Kelly! Ugh!
1037
00:47:24,700 --> 00:47:26,240
When did we all get so old?
1038
00:47:26,340 --> 00:47:28,180
I mean, at least the women
are making an effort,
1039
00:47:28,240 --> 00:47:29,740
but the men here?
1040
00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:32,410
Look like they're
being slowly poisoned.
1041
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:36,530
I think it's about
how you feel, right?
1042
00:47:36,580 --> 00:47:38,260
Done. You know?
1043
00:47:39,350 --> 00:47:41,230
Best days behind us.
Right, guys'?
1044
00:47:41,320 --> 00:47:45,360
I don't know. You might live like
another eight or 10 years, Kelly.
1045
00:47:45,420 --> 00:47:47,230
You don't wanna be
looking at it like that.
1046
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,000
Chase was like a 10-pound baby.
1047
00:47:49,060 --> 00:47:50,540
So when he came out of there,
1048
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:53,370
I mean it was decimated.
That's horrible. Ugh.
1049
00:47:53,430 --> 00:47:56,040
So I ended up having
a vaginal rejuvenation.
1050
00:47:56,100 --> 00:47:58,710
It's as tight as
a keyhole down there.
1051
00:47:58,770 --> 00:48:01,450
I could pick up quarters
with it, if I wanted to.
1052
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:03,380
I haven't wanted to yet.
1053
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:05,120
I shouldn't be telling you this,
1054
00:48:05,210 --> 00:48:06,950
but Rob's penis
has a kink in it.
1055
00:48:07,050 --> 00:48:08,390
I can't think of
what it's called.
1056
00:48:08,450 --> 00:48:10,590
It's kind of, like, crimped?
1057
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:12,720
I don't know. I can't even...
1058
00:48:12,790 --> 00:48:14,700
There they are. Yeah.
1059
00:48:14,950 --> 00:48:15,960
Hey.
1060
00:48:16,060 --> 00:48:17,470
She bragging about me?
1061
00:48:19,260 --> 00:48:21,140
Put a bunch of videos
on YouTube yesterday.
1062
00:48:21,230 --> 00:48:25,230
I'm up to a hundred hits,
so, sensacién, as they say.
1063
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:27,600
It's empty-
1064
00:48:29,130 --> 00:48:30,410
Boink!
1065
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:35,550
He has a yeast infection in his
paws, between his paw pads,
1066
00:48:35,610 --> 00:48:39,420
and I have to get a wipe, and I have
to wipe out his paws every night.
1067
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:40,600
Are you gonna get me a drink?
1068
00:48:40,650 --> 00:48:42,590
Can you give me
a chance to offer?
1069
00:48:43,980 --> 00:48:46,900
One thousand euthanized a year
just in this county.
1070
00:48:46,950 --> 00:48:50,760
I woke up one day, and boom.
No more periods.
1071
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,430
What the fuckenheimer?
Grown-up parties suck.
1072
00:48:54,490 --> 00:48:57,740
How can one person
have two colonoscopy stories?
1073
00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:59,330
I'm gonna get
the dancing started.
1074
00:49:00,730 --> 00:49:01,800
Get in there, kid.
1075
00:49:01,900 --> 00:49:03,740
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hi.
1076
00:49:04,170 --> 00:49:05,770
Sure don't feel like your age.
Oh.
1077
00:49:07,070 --> 00:49:09,420
I hope that you have got your
phone in your front pocket.
1078
00:49:13,350 --> 00:49:15,290
No.
1079
00:49:15,650 --> 00:49:16,650
Whoo!
1080
00:49:17,020 --> 00:49:19,590
Come on. Here we go. Here we go!
1081
00:49:19,650 --> 00:49:21,500
Hey, you can't
start with Mony
Mony!
1082
00:49:21,620 --> 00:49:23,030
That's like starting with anal.
Oh.
1083
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:24,120
All right.
1084
00:49:26,190 --> 00:49:27,260
Geernt!
1085
00:49:29,660 --> 00:49:32,010
Hi, there. Dropping off paint.
1086
00:49:32,530 --> 00:49:33,940
I'll put it by the pool.
1087
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,000
So? Okay.
1088
00:49:37,040 --> 00:49:38,670
My apologies. I was worried
1089
00:49:38,770 --> 00:49:40,610
you were having a party,
but I see now,
1090
00:49:41,170 --> 00:49:43,120
you really are having a wake.
1091
00:49:48,950 --> 00:49:49,950
Hey.
1092
00:49:51,350 --> 00:49:53,230
This party is fucking lame.
Do you...
1093
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:54,560
Drugs? I know a guy.
1094
00:49:54,690 --> 00:49:55,890
Call him.
1095
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:58,200
- Hello!
- Hi!
1096
00:49:58,290 --> 00:50:00,170
Hae-Won!
1097
00:50:00,230 --> 00:50:01,330
No, Hae-Won.
1098
00:50:01,390 --> 00:50:03,870
Right, sorry. You made it.
I can't believe it. Look!
1099
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:06,200
What? Look at this
flock of hotties.
1100
00:50:06,300 --> 00:50:07,970
Wow. You look so happy.
1101
00:50:08,030 --> 00:50:11,340
You look so free and not oppressed at all.
We were worried about you.
1102
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:13,750
Really? We were
worried about you.
1103
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:16,480
Both your feet
looked like dried beef.
1104
00:50:17,010 --> 00:50:19,220
Ah, I knew you were
talking shit about us.
1105
00:50:19,310 --> 00:50:20,390
Who wants a drink? Come on.
1106
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:21,880
- Let's go get drink!
- Let's party!
1107
00:50:22,180 --> 00:50:23,850
Thank you so much for having us.
1108
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,550
- What? You're leaving?
- Great party.
1109
00:50:25,650 --> 00:50:27,060
- Kate, they're leaving.
- Hey!
1110
00:50:27,150 --> 00:50:28,190
Chase has night terrors.
1111
00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:29,390
Absolutely not.
1112
00:50:29,490 --> 00:50:31,370
Everybody,
huddle up for a second.
1113
00:50:31,420 --> 00:50:34,840
To anyone who's even
thinking about leaving,
1114
00:50:34,890 --> 00:50:36,200
you can forget it.
1115
00:50:36,260 --> 00:50:38,330
You need this as much as we do.
1116
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:39,770
Just as much
as we do.
1117
00:50:39,870 --> 00:50:42,000
If you think I strapped
all this shit on tonight
1118
00:50:42,170 --> 00:50:44,240
so you could be home
to watch Flip or Flop,
1119
00:50:44,340 --> 00:50:46,110
you are fucking dreaming.
1120
00:50:46,210 --> 00:50:47,580
You're dreaming.
1121
00:50:47,670 --> 00:50:50,020
Dan and Kim. You got four kids,
1122
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:53,110
and from what I can thin slice from
your Christmas letters, they're wangs.
1123
00:50:53,210 --> 00:50:54,850
Thank you. Wait, what?
1124
00:50:55,580 --> 00:50:59,430
Kelly! Your profile pic is a
low-fat Mexican casserole.
1125
00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:01,090
Yeah, it is.
1126
00:51:02,690 --> 00:51:04,630
Rob, when was
the last time you danced
1127
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,700
with the night air
hitting your nips?
1128
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:09,040
Guns N' Roses.
Citrus Bowl, 1991.
1129
00:51:11,130 --> 00:51:13,940
Don't you wanna feel
that care-free again?
1130
00:51:14,030 --> 00:51:16,380
Just, like, balls deep in joy?
1131
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,970
Yes!
Yeah. Where'd them balls go?
1132
00:51:19,970 --> 00:51:21,580
What are you doing?
I'm being your hype man.
1133
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:23,310
Great. It's not too late.
1134
00:51:23,610 --> 00:51:26,450
The young you
still lives inside you.
1135
00:51:26,550 --> 00:51:27,960
Just like shingles, y'all.
1136
00:51:28,050 --> 00:51:29,890
We used to party
in this house like animals
1137
00:51:29,950 --> 00:51:31,950
because we thought
we would never die.
1138
00:51:32,050 --> 00:51:34,430
I say, tonight,
we party like Vikings
1139
00:51:34,550 --> 00:51:36,970
because we know we
could die tomorrow!
1140
00:51:37,060 --> 00:51:38,590
Let's light a boat on fire!
1141
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:42,140
Tonight is my gift to you!
1142
00:51:42,230 --> 00:51:45,470
Drink up and run with scissors
tonight, because Mama got you.
1143
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,100
Aw, Shit!
1144
00:51:47,330 --> 00:51:48,640
Yeah, Mama!
1145
00:51:48,730 --> 00:51:50,270
Now, go call your sitters!
1146
00:51:50,340 --> 00:51:51,810
But what should we call them?
1147
00:51:54,140 --> 00:51:56,090
Alex is still funny, guys.
1148
00:51:57,740 --> 00:51:59,250
Thanks.
I'm pouring shots.
1149
00:51:59,340 --> 00:52:01,850
Now remind me that you
know how to do this. Whoo!
1150
00:52:01,950 --> 00:52:03,360
I remember how to do it!
1151
00:52:03,450 --> 00:52:05,290
And let's dance our titties off!
1152
00:52:06,750 --> 00:52:08,290
Shot, shot, shot!
1153
00:52:12,790 --> 00:52:13,790
Next round, vodka!
1154
00:52:14,660 --> 00:52:15,660
Have you done it?
1155
00:52:20,470 --> 00:52:21,540
Only people with children.
1156
00:52:21,630 --> 00:52:22,990
People with kids.
People with kids.
1157
00:52:53,730 --> 00:52:54,710
Hey!
1158
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,040
That's a really beautiful orchid.
Is that for me?
1159
00:52:57,140 --> 00:52:58,980
No, this is mine.
1160
00:52:59,470 --> 00:53:01,470
Maura.
Invite Doctor Bushwhack in.
1161
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:03,590
Show him where to put
his things. I'll greet.
1162
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:05,710
Uh, please come in,
and take off your...
1163
00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:07,380
Just come in.
1164
00:53:07,480 --> 00:53:08,550
There you go.
1165
00:53:08,650 --> 00:53:10,060
Oh, thank you. No problem.
1166
00:53:10,150 --> 00:53:12,060
It's beautiful. Thank you.
1167
00:53:12,150 --> 00:53:13,820
Wow. It smells amazing.
1168
00:53:14,390 --> 00:53:15,420
Do orchids smell?
1169
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,770
They can,
if you get fungus gnats.
1170
00:53:18,860 --> 00:53:21,600
And those are hard to get rid of.
It stinks up your whole house.
1171
00:53:21,690 --> 00:53:23,730
But this one looks good.
1172
00:53:23,830 --> 00:53:25,170
Yeah, this is pretty healthy.
1173
00:53:25,230 --> 00:53:27,070
Why don't you greet your guests?
1174
00:53:27,170 --> 00:53:29,840
I'm gonna make myself a drink,
and face the wall.
1175
00:53:34,110 --> 00:53:37,050
Cover time. Twenty bucks
for the booze and food, please.
1176
00:53:37,110 --> 00:53:38,710
Kate. The lesbians are here.
1177
00:53:38,780 --> 00:53:40,090
Excellent.
1178
00:53:40,180 --> 00:53:42,720
Hey. Cool if I spin some tunes?
1179
00:53:42,780 --> 00:53:44,420
I'm afraid to tell you no.
1180
00:53:44,520 --> 00:53:45,890
Great. Great.
1181
00:53:45,950 --> 00:53:47,270
Let them through, everybody!
1182
00:53:53,530 --> 00:53:56,530
Get ready for a Sarah
McLachlan/Tracy Chapman mash-up.
1183
00:53:59,300 --> 00:54:00,640
Oh, yeah!
1184
00:54:00,730 --> 00:54:02,370
Oh, shit.
1185
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:18,260
Can I talk to you
for a second? Yeah.
1186
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:19,590
How's it going in there?
1187
00:54:19,650 --> 00:54:22,260
Well, I told him
about my fungus gnats.
1188
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:24,730
Let him do
the bulk of the talking.
1189
00:54:24,790 --> 00:54:26,960
Yeah, I'm just afraid
when it gets quiet.
1190
00:54:27,060 --> 00:54:29,060
Good things are
hidden in the quiet.
1191
00:54:29,900 --> 00:54:31,240
Who said that?
1192
00:54:31,300 --> 00:54:32,740
I did. I'm smart.
1193
00:54:32,830 --> 00:54:33,940
Okay.
1194
00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:35,600
You should put that
on one of your cards.
1195
00:54:43,610 --> 00:54:47,450
But it
is expected of you. Your
absence has already been noted.
1196
00:54:47,510 --> 00:54:48,990
The boy means nothing to me.
1197
00:54:49,110 --> 00:54:51,290
I can't stand
the wailing of women.
1198
00:54:52,450 --> 00:54:54,660
God, I could watch
Tyrion slap the smug
1199
00:54:54,790 --> 00:54:56,990
off that little fucker's
face a hundred times
1200
00:54:57,090 --> 00:54:58,830
and never get sick of it.
1201
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:02,000
Did you know that Jack Gleeson was
the little boy in Batman Begins?
1202
00:55:02,090 --> 00:55:04,870
Jean, when you use
the actors' real names,
1203
00:55:04,960 --> 00:55:07,170
you're not allowing yourself to
live inside the fantasy world
1204
00:55:07,270 --> 00:55:09,180
that they've so
lovingly crafted for us.
1205
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:13,480
Oh, and just a reminder there's a no
phone policy on our G. O. T. Nights.
1206
00:55:13,540 --> 00:55:14,640
I'm sorry.
1207
00:55:14,710 --> 00:55:18,210
Ian Mitchell keeps posting photos
of the Ellis Island party,
1208
00:55:18,310 --> 00:55:20,650
and it looks
like kinda damn fun.
1209
00:55:21,110 --> 00:55:23,180
I kinda wanna drop by.
1210
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:24,620
They have cheese.
1211
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:27,560
Cheese.
1212
00:55:27,650 --> 00:55:29,330
All we have is wine.
1213
00:55:29,390 --> 00:55:31,160
And it's non-alcoholic.
1214
00:55:31,220 --> 00:55:33,460
We don't have to take
off our shoes there.
1215
00:55:33,530 --> 00:55:36,030
And there aren't so many rules.
1216
00:55:39,830 --> 00:55:40,870
I'll take another one...
1217
00:55:40,970 --> 00:55:42,040
Hey. Hey.
1218
00:55:44,140 --> 00:55:46,310
Man, I haven't been
to a party in a while.
1219
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:50,980
I know. The last party I went to
was probably my wedding reception.
1220
00:55:56,180 --> 00:55:58,390
This wine... So did you
see your parents die?
1221
00:55:58,980 --> 00:56:01,020
No, I didn't,
1222
00:56:02,690 --> 00:56:04,060
but I know they did.
1223
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,430
Well, that's good to know.
1224
00:56:06,530 --> 00:56:08,060
It's not good to know.
1225
00:56:09,160 --> 00:56:10,540
Hey, it's okay.
1226
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:12,200
I mean, you can ask me anything.
1227
00:56:12,330 --> 00:56:13,900
What do you want
to know about me?
1228
00:56:16,500 --> 00:56:19,280
I have nachos that
are in the broiler.
1229
00:56:19,370 --> 00:56:20,910
I have to go get them.
1230
00:56:21,010 --> 00:56:23,110
Yeah, go. Do your thing.
I'll be here.
1231
00:56:23,210 --> 00:56:24,590
All right. All right.
1232
00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:28,080
What are you doing out here by yourself?
Where's your boyfriend'?
1233
00:56:29,250 --> 00:56:31,450
No, I don't think he's
right for me. It's a pass.
1234
00:56:31,550 --> 00:56:34,220
He's so direct' you know.
There's no surprises there.
1235
00:56:34,290 --> 00:56:35,490
There's not a lot to discover.
1236
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:36,650
I mean, I like mystery.
1237
00:56:36,680 --> 00:56:39,720
And, you know, great sex is so distracting.
I mean, it's...
1238
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:42,470
It's nice to be... Mmm-hmm...
1239
00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:45,970
so physically, emotionally
attracted to someone.
1240
00:56:46,060 --> 00:56:47,630
Uh-huh. Yeah.
1241
00:56:47,730 --> 00:56:49,080
But that's not what life is.
1242
00:56:49,130 --> 00:56:54,080
Life is about challenges and shadows
and corners and feeling weird.
1243
00:56:54,370 --> 00:56:56,610
You are so full of shit, that
I'm gonna buy you Pull-Ups.
1244
00:56:56,710 --> 00:56:58,050
I just think we're
gonna be very good friends.
1245
00:56:58,080 --> 00:56:59,960
I think you're being a little dramatic.
I'm not.
1246
00:57:00,410 --> 00:57:02,590
I asked him if he
saw his parents die.
1247
00:57:02,650 --> 00:57:04,250
Oh, Jesus.
1248
00:57:04,380 --> 00:57:06,450
Yeah. I don't like this feeling.
What feeling?
1249
00:57:06,550 --> 00:57:09,560
This high school feeling when
you're crushing on someone
1250
00:57:09,620 --> 00:57:11,900
and you're afraid that they're
not gonna like you back,
1251
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:13,300
and then you're
gonna get heart cramps.
1252
00:57:13,390 --> 00:57:15,190
Hey, I think you're
getting ahead of yourself.
1253
00:57:16,260 --> 00:57:17,900
Someone else is
talking to him anyway.
1254
00:57:20,130 --> 00:57:21,580
Brinda?
1255
00:57:21,670 --> 00:57:24,010
Oh, hail naw!
1256
00:57:25,070 --> 00:57:27,850
Are you serious? Because I
am straight-up baffled.
1257
00:57:27,940 --> 00:57:28,970
I'm sorry?
1258
00:57:29,070 --> 00:57:32,680
I believe you called this party
a "sad and desperate event"?
1259
00:57:32,780 --> 00:57:35,520
Well, I just figured I'd pop
in and say hello to everyone.
1260
00:57:35,610 --> 00:57:37,250
I mean, we're all
adults now, right?
1261
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:38,920
Nice try. On your bike, bitch.
1262
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:41,820
Get your peanut butter
out of my sister's chocolate.
1263
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:42,920
Wow.
1264
00:57:42,990 --> 00:57:46,460
I respect your jumpsuit,
but not its contents. Hit it.
1265
00:57:46,530 --> 00:57:48,440
Well, this is ludicrous.
1266
00:57:48,930 --> 00:57:51,530
Get out.
1267
00:57:51,630 --> 00:57:54,770
Fine. I have another function
to attend anyway.
1268
00:57:55,330 --> 00:57:58,110
Besides, I flushed
a tampon down your toilet.
1269
00:57:58,170 --> 00:58:00,150
You're pads all the way
and everyone knows it.
1270
00:58:00,210 --> 00:58:01,210
Nuh-uh.
1271
00:58:01,310 --> 00:58:03,380
Let's go. Let's get
out of this septic tank.
1272
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,010
I kind of want to stay a little.
1273
00:58:05,140 --> 00:58:06,650
Yeah, me too.
1274
00:58:06,710 --> 00:58:07,850
For serious?
1275
00:58:07,950 --> 00:58:10,720
We never got to go before
because Kate hated you.
1276
00:58:10,820 --> 00:58:12,950
We suffered from
secondhand hate.
1277
00:58:16,660 --> 00:58:17,860
Wow.
1278
00:58:22,690 --> 00:58:24,730
Hi. You guys are welcome here.
You know that, right?
1279
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:26,400
Do you wanna do some shots?
Yeah.
1280
00:58:26,500 --> 00:58:28,910
Hi, I'd like to
make a noise complaint.
1281
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:33,170
Winter is coming, bitches.
1282
00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:35,580
- So, what's this order again?
- All right.
1283
00:58:35,670 --> 00:58:36,910
It goes salt.
1284
00:58:37,010 --> 00:58:38,320
Shot.
1285
00:58:38,980 --> 00:58:40,480
And then we suck on these?
1286
00:58:40,510 --> 00:58:41,890
No, you throw them at each other.
1287
00:58:41,980 --> 00:58:43,220
That's the way
you're supposed to.
1288
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:44,360
Maura? That's what...
1289
00:58:44,420 --> 00:58:46,160
Some guy here to see you?
1290
00:58:46,220 --> 00:58:47,320
Excuse me.
1291
00:58:47,490 --> 00:58:48,560
All right. Go do it.
1292
00:58:49,050 --> 00:58:50,760
My dude's in the bedroom.
What dude?
1293
00:58:50,860 --> 00:58:51,890
Some kid we're buying weed from.
1294
00:58:51,990 --> 00:58:52,990
Ooh, okay.
1295
00:58:54,990 --> 00:58:56,030
Hi, there.
1296
00:58:59,500 --> 00:59:00,910
Holy mother.
1297
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:03,950
That's right. This is my
best friend, my brah, right?
1298
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:05,240
This is Pazuzu.
1299
00:59:05,340 --> 00:59:06,410
It sure is.
1300
00:59:06,500 --> 00:59:09,920
Pazuzu. Thank you so much
for bringing your arms here.
1301
00:59:10,010 --> 00:59:11,010
Your drugs here.
1302
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:15,050
Uh, is your ink Samoan'?
I saw a documentary once...
1303
00:59:15,110 --> 00:59:16,180
I will handle this.
1304
00:59:16,280 --> 00:59:20,230
We are looking for...
To buy drugs.
1305
00:59:21,850 --> 00:59:23,260
What you want?
1306
00:59:23,360 --> 00:59:26,800
I got ketamine,
meth, MDMA, Adderall,
1307
00:59:26,890 --> 00:59:31,430
Bromo-Dragonfly, heroin,
coke, crack, codeine, oxys,
1308
00:59:31,530 --> 00:59:32,770
percs, vikes,
1309
00:59:32,860 --> 00:59:35,440
PCP, LSD, Dilaudid, mescaline,
1310
00:59:35,530 --> 00:59:38,450
mushrooms, bath salts,
cortisone, Toradol.
1311
00:59:38,540 --> 00:59:41,280
I got molly. I got her sister Sandra.
I got big Frank.
1312
00:59:41,370 --> 00:59:43,250
I got birth control.
I got Plan B.
1313
00:59:43,310 --> 00:59:45,720
I got that morphine from China
they took off the market.
1314
00:59:45,780 --> 00:59:47,150
Shit to make your click hard.
1315
00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:49,490
Shit to make your dick soft.
Shit'll find your dick.
1316
00:59:49,580 --> 00:59:51,120
That shit there's from Kenya.
1317
00:59:51,220 --> 00:59:53,160
Supposed to be a scurvy cure
for silverback gorillas,
1318
00:59:53,250 --> 00:59:55,560
but for humans, it just makes
them violently masturbate.
1319
00:59:55,620 --> 00:59:56,890
Did I say crack? Because
I got more of that, too.
1320
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:57,990
Mmm-hmm. You said crack already.
1321
00:59:58,090 --> 01:00:01,070
I got some Ibuprofen, aspirin. I got
Flintstone Gummies if you want.
1322
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:02,230
You seem good at your job.
1323
01:00:02,260 --> 01:00:03,970
We don't need any of that.
No. No.
1324
01:00:04,060 --> 01:00:09,140
We're just gonna take some
low-level, late '80s dirt pot.
1325
01:00:09,230 --> 01:00:11,650
You know, the kind with seeds in
it that you separate on a Frisbee.
1326
01:00:11,740 --> 01:00:13,770
Something you smoke
at a Bangles concert.
1327
01:00:13,840 --> 01:00:16,760
I didn't drive my ass across town to
sell some moms some fucking dirt pot.
1328
01:00:17,940 --> 01:00:19,320
Y'all gonna buy some Cloud 10.
1329
01:00:19,410 --> 01:00:20,820
I'm sorry, man. They're
just new to the game.
1330
01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:22,320
Ladies, come on.
This is Cloud 10.
1331
01:00:22,580 --> 01:00:23,750
This is the shiz, a'ight?
1332
01:00:23,820 --> 01:00:28,990
This is, like, 70% molly, 20%
Adderall, and it's 10% fun!
1333
01:00:29,090 --> 01:00:30,090
What's that last 10%?
1334
01:00:32,620 --> 01:00:33,630
Snow leopard. Fun.
1335
01:00:33,690 --> 01:00:36,370
No, seriously. I'm a nurse.
So, just give me a name.
1336
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:37,960
Mystic. I actually don't know.
1337
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:39,170
You know what?
You seem like a pro,
1338
01:00:39,260 --> 01:00:41,510
so we'll just
take a little ohwheed
1339
01:00:41,600 --> 01:00:44,980
and just a skosh of Cloud 10.
1340
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:46,210
Are there hazelnuts in that?
1341
01:00:46,300 --> 01:00:48,020
I'll take the stuff for the dick.
I got you.
1342
01:00:48,110 --> 01:00:50,510
I'll take this.
Y'all mind if I hang out a bit?
1343
01:00:50,780 --> 01:00:51,880
Uh... Nah. Nah.
1344
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:54,400
Please, please,
please don't. Nuh-uh.
1345
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:56,320
Don't stay... Stay-Yep. Thanks.
1346
01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:06,030
Hey, you don't have any
Goldfish crackers up there?
1347
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:07,870
Don't mean to be coy.
1348
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:08,960
Oh, hi, Alex.
1349
01:01:09,030 --> 01:01:11,030
I'm just hiding this stevia.
That shit's expensive.
1350
01:01:11,130 --> 01:01:12,540
Koi, goldfish.
1351
01:01:12,700 --> 01:01:14,840
You.
1352
01:01:23,310 --> 01:01:28,380
You know, you're the type of badass
that I was susceptible to in my youth.
1353
01:01:35,250 --> 01:01:37,560
I used to make out with my
Stretch Armstrong doll,
1354
01:01:37,660 --> 01:01:41,600
so this is, like,
a full circle moment for me.
1355
01:01:41,690 --> 01:01:44,770
It's cool. I invented the Fleshlight.
I just do this shit on the side.
1356
01:01:46,530 --> 01:01:47,530
Right on.
1357
01:01:50,670 --> 01:01:51,670
Excuse me.
1358
01:01:58,840 --> 01:02:00,290
Hey. Turn the music off!
1359
01:02:01,910 --> 01:02:03,590
Everybody duck!
1360
01:02:04,850 --> 01:02:06,190
Quack, quack.
1361
01:02:11,690 --> 01:02:13,790
Hi. We donated already.
1362
01:02:13,890 --> 01:02:15,770
Hey. We received
a noise complaint?
1363
01:02:15,860 --> 01:02:18,470
Oh, Officer, we are so sorry.
We'll shut everything clown.
1364
01:02:18,560 --> 01:02:19,910
No, it's...
1365
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:23,430
Wait a minute.
Your eyes are gorgeous.
1366
01:02:24,140 --> 01:02:27,710
You know you look exactly like
an Affleck brother, right?
1367
01:02:27,770 --> 01:02:30,620
I mean, it is like,
dead ringer times.
1368
01:02:30,710 --> 01:02:32,480
Any underage drinking going on?
1369
01:02:32,580 --> 01:02:34,320
Oh, no. No. No.
1370
01:02:34,410 --> 01:02:35,790
Everybody's double 21 in there.
1371
01:02:35,880 --> 01:02:36,980
Way over age.
1372
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:38,560
We had a 60-year-old
buy our beer.
1373
01:02:38,650 --> 01:02:39,890
Well, you don't look
a day over 25.
1374
01:02:39,950 --> 01:02:41,090
Thank you.
1375
01:02:42,490 --> 01:02:43,470
Thirty-five.
1376
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:44,560
Oh!
1377
01:02:44,660 --> 01:02:46,900
Just do me a favor and act
your ages and keep it down?
1378
01:02:48,230 --> 01:02:49,300
We will keep it down.
1379
01:02:49,390 --> 01:02:52,470
We will keep it so down,
like, below sea level.
1380
01:02:52,560 --> 01:02:53,800
Nice teamwork. Yeah.
1381
01:02:53,900 --> 01:02:55,240
I miss flirting with cops.
1382
01:02:55,300 --> 01:02:57,180
He was so afraid of us.
1383
01:02:57,270 --> 01:03:00,310
Motherfucker,
titty-sucker, two-bailed bitch.
1384
01:03:00,940 --> 01:03:03,650
First PoPo of the night
thwarted by charm.
1385
01:03:03,740 --> 01:03:06,350
Ellis Island, proceed, y'all!
1386
01:03:12,980 --> 01:03:14,930
Hey. I put in a request
for our special song
1387
01:03:15,020 --> 01:03:16,930
so we can do the Applebutt Jam.
1388
01:03:16,990 --> 01:03:19,990
I don't think we should do that tonight.
That's not that cool.
1389
01:03:20,090 --> 01:03:22,540
No! Tonight is my night,
and it is cool,
1390
01:03:22,660 --> 01:03:25,110
because we're doing it,
and we're cool.
1391
01:04:10,810 --> 01:04:12,310
It's good, right?
1392
01:04:32,000 --> 01:04:33,170
Whoo!
1393
01:04:37,770 --> 01:04:39,370
Come here, peanut.
1394
01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:42,680
Tell Mama what's freaking you
the fuck out about time.
1395
01:04:42,740 --> 01:04:43,980
I don't know. It's just like...
1396
01:04:44,580 --> 01:04:47,720
The other day,
I saw this old lady
1397
01:04:47,780 --> 01:04:49,850
looking at me through
a window on the street,
1398
01:04:49,910 --> 01:04:52,760
and I felt bad
for her, you know?
1399
01:04:52,850 --> 01:04:55,690
I waved at her,
and she waved back at me,
1400
01:04:55,750 --> 01:04:59,630
and then I realized
that was just my reflection.
1401
01:05:01,530 --> 01:05:05,570
It was just me and my
old beef jerky face.
1402
01:05:08,770 --> 01:05:11,300
Why does time do that to faces?
1403
01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:12,710
Why?
1404
01:05:15,570 --> 01:05:16,880
Don't do that.
1405
01:05:18,410 --> 01:05:21,790
When the time is right, smoke
this with your gentleman friend.
1406
01:05:21,880 --> 01:05:25,120
I'm gonna make space cakes for the rest
of the gang like a goddamn June Cleaver
1407
01:05:25,250 --> 01:05:27,160
because I have a domestic side.
Mmm-hmm.
1408
01:05:48,340 --> 01:05:49,910
Look what fell into my cleavage.
1409
01:05:49,970 --> 01:05:52,110
Plinko! Jackpot! Let's go.
1410
01:05:55,450 --> 01:05:56,620
Ooh...
1411
01:05:59,650 --> 01:06:01,460
Do You play any sports?
1412
01:06:02,520 --> 01:06:04,120
Tennis, for a little while.
1413
01:06:05,160 --> 01:06:07,030
That's what I was gonna guess.
1414
01:06:11,830 --> 01:06:15,140
Okay, Dribbles. I got you, girl.
Hey.
1415
01:06:15,930 --> 01:06:17,840
Let's go right in there.
1416
01:06:17,940 --> 01:06:21,110
Get you looking nice and clean
so you can throw up on it later.
1417
01:06:29,550 --> 01:06:32,820
You look like you naturally
have no body hair whatsoever.
1418
01:06:34,050 --> 01:06:35,690
Do you oil yourself up a lot?
1419
01:06:36,120 --> 01:06:38,030
When I need to get
through a narrow shaft.
1420
01:06:38,120 --> 01:06:41,370
Danger. Walk away.
That's a black diamond slope.
1421
01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:46,540
Why ain't you partying?
1422
01:06:46,630 --> 01:06:50,370
Because I'm the designated mom tonight.
I'm keeping everybody safe.
1423
01:06:51,470 --> 01:06:53,210
Do you have kids?
1424
01:06:53,300 --> 01:06:54,650
I'm sure I do.
1425
01:06:56,510 --> 01:06:57,750
Shit.
1426
01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:03,480
Hey, Kate. You remember
when you scaled that
1427
01:07:03,580 --> 01:07:05,150
sucker right there
up to the last beam
1428
01:07:05,220 --> 01:07:07,390
and you hollered,
"I'm the bomb!"
1429
01:07:07,490 --> 01:07:09,160
Like it was yesterday, yo.
1430
01:07:09,220 --> 01:07:10,490
Well, come on, Kate.
What are you waiting for?
1431
01:07:10,560 --> 01:07:12,000
Come on, everybody. Kate, Kate!
1432
01:07:12,060 --> 01:07:14,160
Kate, Kate, Kate!
1433
01:07:18,330 --> 01:07:21,830
When you're sober, it's kind of
like, "Why would anyone do this?"
1434
01:07:24,170 --> 01:07:26,170
Kate, Kate, Kate!
1435
01:07:27,870 --> 01:07:29,440
Come on, Kate. Come on!
1436
01:07:29,540 --> 01:07:31,750
This is scary as shart.
1437
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:33,020
How did I not die doing this?
1438
01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:35,280
Don't try this.
This is not safe.
1439
01:07:35,380 --> 01:07:37,260
Somebody moved these bricks.
1440
01:07:37,350 --> 01:07:40,060
Hang tight, lady!
1441
01:07:40,220 --> 01:07:43,130
This is for
the fucking birds. Shitters.
1442
01:07:43,220 --> 01:07:45,430
Oh, you guys.
You guys are gonna love this.
1443
01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:47,630
Don't move. Stay right there.
1444
01:07:49,030 --> 01:07:50,300
All right. Ready? Ready?
1445
01:07:50,390 --> 01:07:52,400
Okay, guys,
can you guess who I am? Ready?
1446
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:58,150
You wanna play rough? Okay. Say
hello to my little friend!
1447
01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:00,110
- Cheech! No, Chong.
- No, no, no.
1448
01:08:00,200 --> 01:08:02,580
Say hello to my little friend!
1449
01:08:04,880 --> 01:08:06,580
Tim Allen. No.
1450
01:08:08,610 --> 01:08:11,560
Say hello to my little friend.
Bullets? Nothing.
1451
01:08:12,880 --> 01:08:16,630
I love cocaine! Because I
have a scar on my face!
1452
01:08:26,800 --> 01:08:29,300
It's stevia! Psych!
1453
01:08:29,400 --> 01:08:30,810
It's stevia!
1454
01:08:36,970 --> 01:08:38,480
Hmm...
1455
01:08:38,580 --> 01:08:39,920
Come on. You can get this!
1456
01:08:48,320 --> 01:08:51,300
So, if I read this,
1457
01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:54,030
will I get, like, amazing
insight into who you are'?
1458
01:08:54,130 --> 01:08:55,930
I am afraid so. Okay.
1459
01:08:55,990 --> 01:08:59,030
Way behind the curtain.
Like, in the broom closet.
1460
01:08:59,130 --> 01:09:00,940
Well, I like broom closets.
Here we go.
1461
01:09:01,430 --> 01:09:03,340
"I tried tampons."
1462
01:09:03,430 --> 01:09:05,610
"No thanks, Tom Hanks."
1463
01:09:05,770 --> 01:09:08,110
"It felt like I fell
down hard on a popsicle."
1464
01:09:08,170 --> 01:09:09,340
Oh, man.
1465
01:09:09,440 --> 01:09:10,940
That's from last week.
1466
01:09:12,780 --> 01:09:13,780
It's good stuff in here.
1467
01:09:13,950 --> 01:09:14,950
It's my gift to you.
1468
01:09:15,010 --> 01:09:17,010
I love it. I want more.
1469
01:09:17,110 --> 01:09:19,120
Now you tell me a secret.
1470
01:09:19,550 --> 01:09:20,550
Okay.
1471
01:09:21,790 --> 01:09:24,160
I lost a whole bunch
of weight recently.
1472
01:09:24,220 --> 01:09:26,630
Like, 70 pounds.
1473
01:09:26,690 --> 01:09:28,230
Wow. That's great.
Yeah, it's a lot.
1474
01:09:28,330 --> 01:09:30,140
All right,
tell me something else.
1475
01:09:30,390 --> 01:09:32,340
On, uh...
1476
01:09:34,500 --> 01:09:35,700
I got divorced.
1477
01:09:39,340 --> 01:09:42,150
So, you lost, like, 200 pounds.
1478
01:09:48,810 --> 01:09:49,810
Let's...
1479
01:09:50,510 --> 01:09:51,650
You wanna try something?
1480
01:09:51,820 --> 01:09:52,890
Okay.
1481
01:09:52,980 --> 01:09:54,050
Um...
1482
01:09:55,420 --> 01:09:57,160
On the count of three...
Mmm-hmm.
1483
01:09:57,690 --> 01:10:01,100
Let's say what
we're both afraid of.
1484
01:10:04,260 --> 01:10:06,170
I mean,
unless you don't want to.
1485
01:10:06,230 --> 01:10:08,210
No, I'm not afraid to say it.
1486
01:10:09,670 --> 01:10:11,200
Okay? Okay, ready?
1487
01:10:11,340 --> 01:10:12,780
One.
1488
01:10:12,870 --> 01:10:13,910
Two.
1489
01:10:14,010 --> 01:10:15,280
Three.
1490
01:10:16,940 --> 01:10:19,010
Alligators.
Choking on a steak.
1491
01:10:20,950 --> 01:10:22,360
Not great.
1492
01:10:25,950 --> 01:10:27,790
Let's really say
what we're afraid of.
1493
01:10:28,450 --> 01:10:29,950
Like, for real.
1494
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:32,430
Okay.
Okay?
1495
01:10:36,430 --> 01:10:37,600
Ready?
1496
01:10:38,900 --> 01:10:41,710
One, two, three.
1497
01:10:42,370 --> 01:10:44,370
I'm afraid that I'm boring... I'm
afraid that losing weight...
1498
01:10:44,470 --> 01:10:46,810
and I have too much baggage.
Won't fix everything.
1499
01:10:53,210 --> 01:10:57,720
Did you lose weight to
gain self-confidence?
1500
01:10:58,250 --> 01:10:59,390
No.
1501
01:11:00,250 --> 01:11:02,250
I think I lost the weight
1502
01:11:02,390 --> 01:11:06,960
so I could gain a better view
of my perfect penis.
1503
01:11:08,790 --> 01:11:10,400
I missed the little guy.
Not little.
1504
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:14,570
Medium. I miss the medium guy.
1505
01:11:17,400 --> 01:11:20,140
You are so not boring,
by the way.
1506
01:11:20,240 --> 01:11:22,580
You've already
fixed so many things.
1507
01:11:25,340 --> 01:11:27,790
There used to be
so much stuff here.
1508
01:11:29,250 --> 01:11:31,750
This attic made
me feel very safe.
1509
01:11:33,820 --> 01:11:35,920
Well, a house
is just a building.
1510
01:11:36,650 --> 01:11:39,330
Home is a feeling.
1511
01:11:40,420 --> 01:11:42,100
That's beautiful.
Thank you.
1512
01:11:42,160 --> 01:11:43,160
Who said that?
1513
01:11:43,260 --> 01:11:45,430
I did. Just now.
1514
01:11:54,440 --> 01:11:55,610
Ugh.
1515
01:11:57,110 --> 01:11:58,780
Were you shotgunning me?
I am so sorry.
1516
01:11:58,840 --> 01:12:00,400
I misjudged the shotgun.
I was going to.
1517
01:12:00,440 --> 01:12:02,120
It's my fault.
I was showboating.
1518
01:12:02,210 --> 01:12:03,850
I am so sorry about that.
1519
01:12:04,680 --> 01:12:06,130
You talking to me?
1520
01:12:06,650 --> 01:12:08,220
Is you talking to me?
1521
01:12:08,650 --> 01:12:09,720
Uh, Robert Pacino.
1522
01:12:09,820 --> 01:12:10,990
Aah! No bullets!
1523
01:12:11,620 --> 01:12:16,000
Why don't you try sticking
your head up your ass? See if it fits?
1524
01:12:16,130 --> 01:12:18,070
What's the one... Grimace? No.
1525
01:12:18,630 --> 01:12:23,840
Why don't you try sticking your
head up your ass?
1526
01:12:23,900 --> 01:12:25,540
Why don't you try
sticking your head up your ass?
1527
01:12:25,640 --> 01:12:27,980
See if it fits! See if it fits!
1528
01:12:28,070 --> 01:12:30,020
Stevia!
1529
01:12:30,070 --> 01:12:32,210
Why don't you stick
your head up your ass?
1530
01:12:32,310 --> 01:12:34,080
See if
n fits?
1531
01:12:34,550 --> 01:12:40,020
Why don't you try sticking your head
up your ass and see if it fits?
1532
01:12:40,650 --> 01:12:41,600
Pass.
1533
01:12:41,690 --> 01:12:44,090
Why don't you stick your head
up your ass and see if it fits?
1534
01:12:44,160 --> 01:12:45,330
Scarface!
1535
01:12:45,820 --> 01:12:47,600
Scarface. Scarface?
1536
01:12:47,860 --> 01:12:48,700
Yes!
1537
01:12:48,760 --> 01:12:51,600
That's who I was
the whole fucking time!
1538
01:12:51,700 --> 01:12:52,700
Awesome, man.
1539
01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:56,200
You got to want
it a little less.
1540
01:12:56,270 --> 01:12:58,180
I can feel my hair growing!
1541
01:12:59,200 --> 01:13:00,610
Alex, come on.
1542
01:13:00,700 --> 01:13:02,510
Do you hear that? It's Tipsy!
1543
01:13:02,610 --> 01:13:04,950
Oh, I love this song!
I got to dance. Here we go.
1544
01:13:05,110 --> 01:13:06,880
Oh. Oh!
1545
01:13:06,940 --> 01:13:08,050
Hey, you backing it up!
1546
01:13:08,450 --> 01:13:09,720
This is your theme now.
1547
01:13:09,780 --> 01:13:10,920
Who, me? Or, e'rybody?
1548
01:13:11,050 --> 01:13:12,120
Ah, e'rybody.
1549
01:13:12,220 --> 01:13:14,390
'Cause e'rybody
got got to get tipsy.
1550
01:13:14,450 --> 01:13:16,400
What?
1551
01:13:16,450 --> 01:13:17,460
Yeah!
1552
01:13:17,560 --> 01:13:19,730
E'rybody in the club get tipsy.
1553
01:13:19,790 --> 01:13:22,400
Not just you.
Not just me. E'rybody.
1554
01:13:22,460 --> 01:13:25,410
E'rybody. E'ry day,
e'ry hour, e'ry minute.
1555
01:13:25,900 --> 01:13:26,930
Huh!
1556
01:13:29,470 --> 01:13:30,540
Oh, my God!
1557
01:13:31,970 --> 01:13:34,420
Oh, God. Wait, come here.
Come here.
1558
01:13:35,710 --> 01:13:37,410
Here we go. My dad's
gonna murder me!
1559
01:13:37,480 --> 01:13:40,620
Shh. Maura, look at me. I can fix this.
1560
01:13:40,710 --> 01:13:42,710
Oh, God. Go. Go, go, go.
1561
01:13:43,310 --> 01:13:44,550
Whoa! No, no, no!
1562
01:13:45,980 --> 01:13:47,660
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1563
01:13:47,950 --> 01:13:49,160
No!
1564
01:14:02,900 --> 01:14:04,280
I'm really
1565
01:14:05,270 --> 01:14:06,270
itchy.
1566
01:14:06,600 --> 01:14:07,640
It went up my nose.
1567
01:14:07,770 --> 01:14:09,480
It went up my butt.
1568
01:14:09,570 --> 01:14:10,570
Are we gonna die?
1569
01:14:10,640 --> 01:14:13,020
No, this stuff's safe. This is
all from the '70s.
1570
01:14:14,080 --> 01:14:17,080
Wow! This is fucked up!
1571
01:14:23,120 --> 01:14:26,800
I wanna do that foam thing like
we saw at the Fart Mitzvah.
1572
01:14:28,190 --> 01:14:30,040
Ah!
1573
01:14:33,800 --> 01:14:35,040
Ooh!
1574
01:14:35,170 --> 01:14:38,170
I need to talk to you outside.
Now. Oh. Oh.
1575
01:14:38,270 --> 01:14:41,980
Well, let's do this. My earrings
are coming off, bohatch!
1576
01:14:42,040 --> 01:14:44,610
Why? You gonna hit me
with your long-ass earlobes?
1577
01:14:44,680 --> 01:14:46,000
Oh.
1578
01:14:46,180 --> 01:14:48,850
I have been waiting
a long time for this.
1579
01:14:51,280 --> 01:14:54,390
Hey!
1580
01:14:55,320 --> 01:14:56,700
Let me in!
1581
01:15:00,890 --> 01:15:02,560
This is bullshit!
1582
01:15:08,570 --> 01:15:10,340
Hey. How's everything going?
1583
01:15:10,400 --> 01:15:13,010
I'm crushing it.
How's the man-harvest going?
1584
01:15:13,070 --> 01:15:14,410
James is so hot.
1585
01:15:14,510 --> 01:15:17,540
My high school heart cramp
has turned into a heart-on.
1586
01:15:17,640 --> 01:15:20,680
I have a heart-on for him.
I have a raging heart-on.
1587
01:15:20,810 --> 01:15:22,690
I don't get it. Explain it more.
I have a...
1588
01:15:22,810 --> 01:15:24,760
- Who the hell did that'?
- I did.
1589
01:15:25,480 --> 01:15:27,590
You are so badass!
1590
01:15:29,090 --> 01:15:30,530
Fuck the Geernts!
1591
01:15:30,590 --> 01:15:32,000
Okay, I'm gonna
dive back in. Bye!
1592
01:15:32,060 --> 01:15:33,540
Fucking party.
1593
01:15:40,600 --> 01:15:41,940
Jackpot.
1594
01:15:59,120 --> 01:16:01,360
Foam party!
1595
01:16:01,420 --> 01:16:03,900
Strip it down, town!
1596
01:16:04,290 --> 01:16:06,930
Oh, shit. It's my parents!
1597
01:16:07,020 --> 01:16:09,900
Shut the fuck up!
It's her parents!
1598
01:16:09,960 --> 01:16:14,530
Everyone, I'm gonna sneeze,
shut the fuck up!
1599
01:16:18,970 --> 01:16:19,970
Hello?
1600
01:16:20,070 --> 01:16:23,110
You're home! We're coming over.
1601
01:16:23,210 --> 01:16:25,150
Oh, no, don't come over.
1602
01:16:25,240 --> 01:16:28,660
We're just in our pj's
watching Risky Business.
1603
01:16:28,750 --> 01:16:34,220
Maura told us the wonderful news about
you and Haley moving to Orlando!
1604
01:16:34,920 --> 01:16:36,630
And you got a job!
1605
01:16:36,720 --> 01:16:38,460
Not hers to tell, but okay.
1606
01:16:38,560 --> 01:16:41,130
Dad and I got an idea.
1607
01:16:41,230 --> 01:16:43,140
And we're only medium drunk.
1608
01:16:43,230 --> 01:16:44,970
Could you headline
news it for me?
1609
01:16:45,060 --> 01:16:46,230
Yes.
1610
01:16:46,500 --> 01:16:50,950
We are gonna give you 50% of the
money from the sale of the house
1611
01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:54,780
and then we're gonna use the
other 50% to pay off the condo.
1612
01:16:54,840 --> 01:16:56,510
And we're leaving
Maura the stocks.
1613
01:16:56,770 --> 01:16:59,480
We thought that
you could use the money
1614
01:16:59,610 --> 01:17:02,280
to buy a little house
for you and Haley.
1615
01:17:02,350 --> 01:17:04,290
Would I have to
pay the money back?
1616
01:17:04,420 --> 01:17:06,290
Or would it be more
of a "wink-wink" loan?
1617
01:17:06,350 --> 01:17:07,590
We're giving it to you.
1618
01:17:07,650 --> 01:17:08,690
For free.
1619
01:17:08,820 --> 01:17:09,820
As a love gift.
1620
01:17:09,920 --> 01:17:12,530
That solves a lot of things.
1621
01:17:13,520 --> 01:17:15,800
Okay, I got to go now.
Thanks so much.
1622
01:17:15,860 --> 01:17:16,930
Okle dokle.
1623
01:17:17,030 --> 01:17:19,030
Wash and dry any
tea cups you use,
1624
01:17:19,160 --> 01:17:21,170
and we're very
happy for you, honey.
1625
01:17:21,270 --> 01:17:22,470
Okay, thanks, bye!
1626
01:17:24,030 --> 01:17:25,780
Holy shit.
1627
01:17:34,210 --> 01:17:36,160
Holy shit.
1628
01:17:36,210 --> 01:17:38,320
Rob, Rob, Rob!
1629
01:17:40,150 --> 01:17:42,990
I'm the bomb!
1630
01:17:43,790 --> 01:17:46,320
I'm the bomb! I'm the bomb!
1631
01:17:52,560 --> 01:17:53,740
Okay. Guys?
1632
01:17:53,830 --> 01:17:55,830
I'm actually gonna
need everyone to just
1633
01:17:55,900 --> 01:17:59,370
start cleaning up the area
where they're standing.
1634
01:18:07,810 --> 01:18:09,520
Everybody, gamer round, okay?
1635
01:18:09,580 --> 01:18:11,080
I just smoked some
21st century pot.
1636
01:18:13,050 --> 01:18:15,000
So I need to say my mind.
Make it quick.
1637
01:18:15,050 --> 01:18:16,860
Release your boobs!
1638
01:18:16,920 --> 01:18:18,590
No, my boobs are
sleeping right now.
1639
01:18:18,690 --> 01:18:20,760
Six more weeks of winter!
1640
01:18:20,890 --> 01:18:25,030
I wanna thank my sister, Kate,
for holding down the fort
1641
01:18:25,100 --> 01:18:28,010
and helping me have
the best night of my life.
1642
01:18:28,070 --> 01:18:29,370
Wrapping it up.
1643
01:18:29,430 --> 01:18:31,000
In the spirit of my sister,
1644
01:18:31,070 --> 01:18:35,380
I encourage all of you to make
your mark on this house tonight.
1645
01:18:35,440 --> 01:18:36,750
No, do not make your mark.
1646
01:18:38,180 --> 01:18:39,210
Where's my handyman?
1647
01:18:39,280 --> 01:18:41,380
Hey. I
like that
you know who you are.
1648
01:18:41,510 --> 01:18:43,550
And that you ask
for what you want.
1649
01:18:43,610 --> 01:18:45,690
And I think you're really cute.
Thank you.
1650
01:18:45,750 --> 01:18:47,960
But, whatever, dude. A lot of
people are cute, so relax.
1651
01:18:48,090 --> 01:18:49,190
Okay.
1652
01:18:49,250 --> 01:18:51,290
Anyway, seriously, you guys.
1653
01:18:51,390 --> 01:18:55,060
Remember who you really are
and be that you!
1654
01:18:56,430 --> 01:18:58,070
- Be that what?
- You!
1655
01:18:58,130 --> 01:18:59,940
- What that you?
- Be!
1656
01:19:00,030 --> 01:19:01,440
Be what you?
1657
01:19:01,530 --> 01:19:02,600
That!
1658
01:19:02,700 --> 01:19:03,730
You!
1659
01:19:03,800 --> 01:19:05,840
It's "that,"
it's fucking "be that you!"
1660
01:19:05,900 --> 01:19:07,210
Be that you! Be that you!
Be that you!
1661
01:19:07,300 --> 01:19:08,620
All right, don't yell at me.
1662
01:19:08,710 --> 01:19:10,240
I just did it three times!
Don't yell at me!
1663
01:19:10,310 --> 01:19:11,410
Who's yelling?
1664
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:13,280
One more time. Be what you?
1665
01:19:13,440 --> 01:19:14,280
That!
1666
01:19:14,380 --> 01:19:15,980
You got it! I'm out.
1667
01:19:17,920 --> 01:19:20,590
Thank you.
Good night. We are closed.
1668
01:19:20,650 --> 01:19:22,720
Take the party outside!
1669
01:19:25,620 --> 01:19:26,600
No, that way.
1670
01:19:26,660 --> 01:19:27,830
Guys, that way!
1671
01:19:34,500 --> 01:19:35,740
I liked your speech.
1672
01:19:35,830 --> 01:19:37,070
I'm meeting you in the bedroom.
1673
01:19:37,730 --> 01:19:39,940
I'm going in there to fix the drywall.
1674
01:19:40,000 --> 01:19:42,420
Okay. Okay.
1675
01:19:43,470 --> 01:19:45,480
- Excuse me, please.
- Excuse me.
1676
01:19:47,740 --> 01:19:50,520
Alex, take your dick out of
the paint, right this minute!
1677
01:19:50,610 --> 01:19:53,120
No! I'm gonna draw suh-in!
1678
01:19:54,150 --> 01:19:56,150
I'm like a little
Pablo Dickasso!
1679
01:19:58,460 --> 01:20:00,160
Hey, man. I got you. Shit!
1680
01:20:03,460 --> 01:20:06,500
Yes, my neighbors are having a loud
party, and I'd like to complain.
1681
01:20:06,960 --> 01:20:08,600
I need you to shut it down.
1682
01:20:10,200 --> 01:20:11,270
Oh, man.
1683
01:20:11,340 --> 01:20:13,210
Who called the cops?
1684
01:20:14,200 --> 01:20:16,310
Having a pretty big party, huh?
1685
01:20:16,370 --> 01:20:18,790
Oh, is 500 people too much?
1686
01:20:18,840 --> 01:20:20,220
POPO! POPO!
1687
01:20:20,480 --> 01:20:22,550
Oh, somebody call a stripper?
1688
01:20:22,650 --> 01:20:25,020
You gonna take your clothes off for us?
You can't come in here.
1689
01:20:25,150 --> 01:20:27,390
Without the judge signing the thing.
I got this.
1690
01:20:27,480 --> 01:20:28,720
This is where I live.
1691
01:20:28,820 --> 01:20:30,130
This is our house. Yep.
1692
01:20:30,190 --> 01:20:32,000
This where we live, okay?
1693
01:20:32,060 --> 01:20:34,230
And this is our property
for the next 24 hours.
1694
01:20:34,320 --> 01:20:36,900
A lot of sex is gonna happen.
A lot of sexy times.
1695
01:20:36,990 --> 01:20:38,200
You can't stop that.
1696
01:20:38,300 --> 01:20:40,370
Last time I checked,
sex wasn't against the law,
1697
01:20:40,460 --> 01:20:42,220
as much as you would
love that, wouldn't you?
1698
01:20:42,330 --> 01:20:44,140
Maura, please behave. Why
don't you step off, blue?
1699
01:20:44,200 --> 01:20:46,340
Don't you know I'm loco? Shit!
1700
01:20:46,400 --> 01:20:47,580
Now we know that.
1701
01:20:47,670 --> 01:20:48,670
Officer Donuts.
1702
01:20:48,720 --> 01:20:50,350
Why don't you go
back into your squad car
1703
01:20:50,470 --> 01:20:52,040
and go save
a kitten from a tree,
1704
01:20:52,140 --> 01:20:53,990
because these
pussies are doing fine.
1705
01:20:54,240 --> 01:20:56,380
All right? Clean the donuts
out of your ears
1706
01:20:56,480 --> 01:20:58,220
and hear the words that are
coming out of my mouth.
1707
01:20:58,320 --> 01:21:02,230
I will protect my all's property from
all y'all and that's including moi.
1708
01:21:02,490 --> 01:21:03,430
That means "me."
1709
01:21:03,550 --> 01:21:05,260
It means "me." I don't...
It doesn't mean you.
1710
01:21:05,360 --> 01:21:07,770
I don't need to protect anything from her.
That's my sister.
1711
01:21:07,890 --> 01:21:10,170
Right. From the same
mister, who's our dad.
1712
01:21:10,390 --> 01:21:13,070
So, wrap your mind
around that, Cap'n Crunch.
1713
01:21:13,160 --> 01:21:14,200
Capeach?
1714
01:21:14,260 --> 01:21:16,370
I know something about you.
You're a nice person, right?
1715
01:21:16,430 --> 01:21:20,580
And you look like a Ken doll, hopefully
with the genitals. Fingers crossed.
1716
01:21:20,670 --> 01:21:23,550
You've picked a very great profession.
And I salute you.
1717
01:21:23,670 --> 01:21:25,620
But you know what?
This is how I'll salute you.
1718
01:21:25,710 --> 01:21:27,590
Like this. I'm sorry.
1719
01:21:27,680 --> 01:21:28,880
Wait, that didn't
happen, nobody saw that.
1720
01:21:29,010 --> 01:21:30,250
I got this.
1721
01:21:30,350 --> 01:21:31,850
What are you writing down?
Nothing. It's my pad.
1722
01:21:31,920 --> 01:21:33,260
Here, I have something
you should write down.
1723
01:21:33,350 --> 01:21:34,620
E-A-T.
1724
01:21:35,850 --> 01:21:36,800
S-H-I-T.
1725
01:21:36,890 --> 01:21:41,130
Okay, my sister is clearly riding
the ditch at this late hour.
1726
01:21:41,220 --> 01:21:42,700
Can you shut this shit down?
1727
01:21:42,760 --> 01:21:44,260
Was that Maura Ellis?
1728
01:21:44,360 --> 01:21:45,360
Yeah.
1729
01:21:46,700 --> 01:21:48,200
She went to the sophomore formal
1730
01:21:48,300 --> 01:21:49,780
with my cousin
who has spina bifida.
1731
01:21:49,870 --> 01:21:51,540
Of course she did!
1732
01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:54,450
She is a lovely person.
He still talks about it.
1733
01:21:54,570 --> 01:21:56,280
Yeah. You know what?
1734
01:21:57,710 --> 01:21:58,910
You guys enjoy your party.
1735
01:21:59,040 --> 01:22:00,650
No. No, no.
1736
01:22:00,740 --> 01:22:01,880
No. No! Wait!
1737
01:22:01,950 --> 01:22:05,650
There's a drunk, blind guy
swinging a gun around!
1738
01:22:05,750 --> 01:22:07,250
No way. Enjoy!
1739
01:22:07,320 --> 01:22:09,090
Fuck!
1740
01:22:14,990 --> 01:22:15,970
Hey.
1741
01:22:16,060 --> 01:22:17,600
How's it going in here?
1742
01:22:17,660 --> 01:22:19,110
Good, I think.
1743
01:22:19,160 --> 01:22:20,730
Yeah, I think you're all set.
1744
01:22:20,800 --> 01:22:23,240
I'm gonna have to come back
tomorrow and finish this,
1745
01:22:23,300 --> 01:22:27,440
because I am drunk and stoned.
1746
01:22:27,500 --> 01:22:29,420
Well, I'm totally sober, so.
Yeah.
1747
01:22:29,470 --> 01:22:30,650
I did a really bad job.
1748
01:22:30,740 --> 01:22:32,650
You're very tall.
How tall are you?
1749
01:22:33,180 --> 01:22:36,950
About 6'3". With the
ladder, about 7'6".
1750
01:22:37,250 --> 01:22:38,950
So, I'm just gonna...
1751
01:22:39,520 --> 01:22:41,760
Thanks so much for
cleaning this all up.
1752
01:22:42,690 --> 01:22:43,760
Oh, yeah.
1753
01:22:45,490 --> 01:22:48,490
Do you wanna keep
working off the clock?
1754
01:22:48,860 --> 01:22:50,860
Yeah. Because my bed is broken.
1755
01:22:50,960 --> 01:22:51,960
Do you want me to fix it?
1756
01:22:52,030 --> 01:22:53,100
Yeah. Lock the door.
1757
01:22:55,200 --> 01:22:58,670
People, I'm in charge here,
and I say it's over.
1758
01:22:58,770 --> 01:23:01,940
Okay? We had a great time.
Let's wrap it up.
1759
01:23:02,010 --> 01:23:03,040
No!
1760
01:23:04,010 --> 01:23:06,390
Why? What?
1761
01:23:09,180 --> 01:23:10,850
This is such a brilliant idea!
1762
01:23:10,950 --> 01:23:11,950
Free slicking.
1763
01:23:14,220 --> 01:23:17,030
I wish we had some lubricant.
1764
01:23:18,960 --> 01:23:20,160
What perfume is on you?
1765
01:23:20,220 --> 01:23:21,670
You like that? Yeah, I do.
1766
01:23:21,730 --> 01:23:26,170
It's Risky by Jennifer Love Hewitt.
You can only get it at Kohl's.
1767
01:23:26,230 --> 01:23:29,680
I'm wearing
Erection by Calvin Klein.
1768
01:23:29,730 --> 01:23:33,510
I cannot!
1769
01:23:35,640 --> 01:23:39,680
What did I ever do to you
to make you abhor me so?
1770
01:23:39,740 --> 01:23:41,150
Are you seriously asking?
1771
01:23:41,240 --> 01:23:42,550
You probably don't remember.
1772
01:23:42,680 --> 01:23:43,990
Oh, I remember.
1773
01:23:44,050 --> 01:23:46,720
We were about to have the
best Ellis Island party ever
1774
01:23:46,820 --> 01:23:49,820
because my cousin met John Stamos
at Disney and he was coming.
1775
01:23:49,890 --> 01:23:52,490
But you narced to your cop dad.
1776
01:23:52,560 --> 01:23:54,560
I narced because he made me!
1777
01:23:54,660 --> 01:23:56,400
How? How did he even know?
1778
01:23:56,490 --> 01:23:59,700
Because when I found out that I
wasn't invited to your party
1779
01:23:59,760 --> 01:24:04,110
it hurt me so very deep
that I threw up really hard.
1780
01:24:04,230 --> 01:24:06,270
Why didn't you invite me?
1781
01:24:08,610 --> 01:24:10,350
Why?
1782
01:24:11,010 --> 01:24:13,390
I was kind and clean!
1783
01:24:13,440 --> 01:24:14,680
And I got mostly B's!
1784
01:24:14,780 --> 01:24:16,020
I know, I cheated off you.
1785
01:24:16,080 --> 01:24:18,890
And then you decided
that I was a "no."
1786
01:24:18,950 --> 01:24:21,950
And then everybody decided
that I was a "no"!
1787
01:24:22,050 --> 01:24:25,520
And then guess who decided
that I was a "no"?
1788
01:24:25,620 --> 01:24:26,930
The Bachelor?
1789
01:24:27,190 --> 01:24:28,230
Me.
1790
01:24:29,060 --> 01:24:33,870
So, I have decided that
tonight I deserve to be here.
1791
01:24:34,970 --> 01:24:37,710
Tonight, I am a "yes."
1792
01:24:38,740 --> 01:24:41,550
I am a "hell yes"!
1793
01:24:41,610 --> 01:24:44,050
I am a "yeah."
1794
01:24:44,110 --> 01:24:46,090
I am a "hell yeah."
1795
01:24:46,140 --> 01:24:48,150
I am a "fuck to the yeah"!
1796
01:24:48,250 --> 01:24:50,990
Wordsmith.
I am a "yippie-ki-yay yes"!
1797
01:24:51,980 --> 01:24:53,550
And you know what
the saddest part is?
1798
01:24:53,620 --> 01:24:54,620
Your vagina?
1799
01:24:54,750 --> 01:24:55,750
No.
1800
01:24:55,820 --> 01:24:57,390
The saddest part
1801
01:24:58,260 --> 01:25:01,100
is that you and I used to
have a blast in grade school.
1802
01:25:01,160 --> 01:25:03,640
And we would probably
still be friends
1803
01:25:03,730 --> 01:25:06,670
if you weren't such
a selfish hothead.
1804
01:25:06,800 --> 01:25:10,510
I am not a selfish hothead!
1805
01:25:11,170 --> 01:25:12,940
Put that phone down!
Give me that. No!
1806
01:25:13,000 --> 01:25:14,110
Give me that phone!
Give me that!
1807
01:25:14,240 --> 01:25:15,340
No! Don't touch my phone.
1808
01:25:15,810 --> 01:25:17,440
Maura! Maura!
1809
01:25:22,750 --> 01:25:24,450
Hi, honey.
1810
01:25:24,510 --> 01:25:26,120
Hi, Mom, I'm here.
1811
01:25:26,180 --> 01:25:27,460
I'm at Gram and Gramps'.
1812
01:25:27,520 --> 01:25:30,620
You're here? In Orlando? Yeah.
1813
01:25:30,690 --> 01:25:32,790
Oh, great. Okay.
1814
01:25:32,860 --> 01:25:34,960
They told me that they're
gonna help us get a house.
1815
01:25:35,030 --> 01:25:37,300
Do you want me to come down
there and we can talk about it?
1816
01:25:37,360 --> 01:25:40,970
Uh, we're all pretty
wiped from packing.
1817
01:25:41,030 --> 01:25:42,600
You know, I would say maybe
just get some rest and...
1818
01:25:42,670 --> 01:25:44,440
So come over in the morning.
1819
01:25:44,530 --> 01:25:46,980
Wait. You want me to come
there in the morning?
1820
01:25:47,040 --> 01:25:49,140
You have been begging me for
weeks to tell you where I am,
1821
01:25:49,210 --> 01:25:50,810
and now that I'm here
you're gonna blow me off?
1822
01:25:50,870 --> 01:25:52,010
No, I'm not blowing you off!
1823
01:25:52,110 --> 01:25:54,780
I'm so excited! We're getting a house,
and you're gonna have your own room.
1824
01:25:54,850 --> 01:25:56,950
I got a baloney dick!
1825
01:25:57,010 --> 01:25:58,990
Who has a baloney dick? Nobody.
1826
01:26:00,450 --> 01:26:02,120
Are you at a party right now?
1827
01:26:03,050 --> 01:26:05,690
Earlier. We had
a packing cookout.
1828
01:26:05,790 --> 01:26:08,070
Cookout with your cock out.
1829
01:26:08,490 --> 01:26:09,700
I'm on the phone!
1830
01:26:09,790 --> 01:26:11,800
You say that
you want a fresh start
1831
01:26:11,860 --> 01:26:14,640
and everyone
is trying to help us out,
1832
01:26:14,700 --> 01:26:16,640
and this is how you thank them?
1833
01:26:16,730 --> 01:26:19,240
It's not what you think.
No, it's exactly what I think.
1834
01:26:19,370 --> 01:26:21,470
I start trusting you again
and then you turn around
1835
01:26:21,540 --> 01:26:24,300
and you start acting like one of the Real
Housewives of Orange County.
1836
01:26:24,340 --> 01:26:26,720
Can you just give me a chance
to make it right?
1837
01:26:26,810 --> 01:26:29,260
No! I don't wanna live
with my loser mom who parties.
1838
01:26:30,880 --> 01:26:33,720
You know what? Tonight, I'm actually
the only person who's not partying.
1839
01:26:34,890 --> 01:26:36,360
Yeah, right.
1840
01:26:43,260 --> 01:26:44,830
Fuck it.
1841
01:26:48,930 --> 01:26:53,600
Kate! Kate! Kate!
1842
01:27:17,090 --> 01:27:20,070
Hey. Lollapazuzu,
I'm partying now.
1843
01:27:20,130 --> 01:27:21,370
You ready for me?
1844
01:27:21,430 --> 01:27:22,880
I've been ready.
1845
01:27:22,970 --> 01:27:25,110
My safe word is "Keep going."
1846
01:27:25,200 --> 01:27:27,310
I don't need one.
You will.
1847
01:27:29,370 --> 01:27:30,720
I don't have insurance.
1848
01:28:04,070 --> 01:28:06,990
You have such
a good, solid, man face.
1849
01:28:07,110 --> 01:28:08,920
I'm gonna do stuff to you right now.
YOU are?
1850
01:28:08,980 --> 01:28:09,980
Yes. Okay.
1851
01:28:10,080 --> 01:28:11,120
Put your pants off. I'm sorry.
1852
01:28:11,180 --> 01:28:12,630
I meant to say that
a little smoother
1853
01:28:12,680 --> 01:28:14,420
but I'm very, very drunk,
plus stoned. Let's go.
1854
01:28:14,480 --> 01:28:16,460
Just open up your parts.
Put your pants off.
1855
01:28:16,520 --> 01:28:18,120
No, no, no. I'm putting
them off right now.
1856
01:28:18,190 --> 01:28:19,530
Yep, here we go. Yeah!
1857
01:28:25,100 --> 01:28:26,170
You have kids?
1858
01:28:26,260 --> 01:28:30,140
Two girls in Korea.
Oh, I miss them bad.
1859
01:28:30,530 --> 01:28:31,980
So far.
1860
01:28:32,040 --> 01:28:35,780
I put their hairs in my bra.
1861
01:28:35,840 --> 01:28:39,450
I miss how my daughter smells
when she has wet hair.
1862
01:28:40,640 --> 01:28:42,210
She die?
No.
1863
01:28:43,150 --> 01:28:46,650
I haven't been able to find
her, like, all summer.
1864
01:28:46,950 --> 01:28:48,450
That is fucked up.
1865
01:28:48,550 --> 01:28:50,690
Don't judge me. Your kids
are in another country.
1866
01:28:50,790 --> 01:28:52,290
That's fucked up.
1867
01:28:53,020 --> 01:28:56,970
I work my butt to save my kids
1868
01:28:57,630 --> 01:28:59,400
so they can come live with me.
1869
01:28:59,830 --> 01:29:02,040
I used to be
pediatric radiologist.
1870
01:29:02,470 --> 01:29:03,470
What?
1871
01:29:03,530 --> 01:29:06,010
What do you do for your kid?
1872
01:29:06,400 --> 01:29:07,400
Hmm?
1873
01:29:18,650 --> 01:29:19,650
You wanna hug?
1874
01:29:22,990 --> 01:29:25,020
Yeah, give this
messy bitch a hug.
1875
01:29:25,720 --> 01:29:26,960
Katie, what's the matter, baby?
1876
01:29:27,490 --> 01:29:30,600
Aw, look at you. Don't cry.
It's gonna make me cry.
1877
01:29:30,690 --> 01:29:33,870
People are really working
their shit out at this thing.
1878
01:29:33,930 --> 01:29:35,770
This is like Korean drama.
1879
01:29:36,670 --> 01:29:38,340
Heads up! Whoo!
1880
01:29:55,020 --> 01:29:56,430
You're out of booze.
1881
01:29:57,120 --> 01:29:59,070
I'm on it.
1882
01:30:00,060 --> 01:30:01,930
Party mom to the rescue.
1883
01:30:02,030 --> 01:30:03,900
Okay, we're gonna
get started in one second.
1884
01:30:03,960 --> 01:30:05,030
Okay.
1885
01:30:05,800 --> 01:30:06,800
Hello.
1886
01:30:07,360 --> 01:30:09,430
Hey, you're number one.
1887
01:30:09,530 --> 01:30:11,070
Okay, let's take it up a notch.
1888
01:30:11,130 --> 01:30:13,940
Okay, you know what time it is?
No.
1889
01:30:14,040 --> 01:30:16,140
It's candle play time. Uh-oh!
1890
01:30:17,740 --> 01:30:20,950
I should warn you
that this did not go well
1891
01:30:21,040 --> 01:30:23,150
when I was having sex
with Frankenstein.
1892
01:30:24,210 --> 01:30:25,220
Fire bad.
1893
01:30:25,280 --> 01:30:26,390
Oh. Ah. Yeah, I'm ready.
1894
01:30:26,750 --> 01:30:27,780
Oh!
1895
01:30:27,880 --> 01:30:30,760
I didn't think...
That's wild. That's wild.
1896
01:30:30,820 --> 01:30:32,890
Oh, God. I didn't think I was
gonna like it, but I like it.
1897
01:30:32,990 --> 01:30:34,330
How does this
sucker not stay lit?
1898
01:30:34,420 --> 01:30:36,230
Okay. Hold the sex phone.
1899
01:30:36,730 --> 01:30:38,470
All right. Just getting into it.
1900
01:30:38,560 --> 01:30:40,170
Oh, look who we have here.
1901
01:30:40,260 --> 01:30:41,770
Garfield!
1902
01:30:41,900 --> 01:30:43,340
Garfield always comes through.
Yeah, he's...
1903
01:30:43,400 --> 01:30:45,120
He's gonna help us out. Oh, God!
1904
01:30:46,670 --> 01:30:47,670
Oh, God!
1905
01:30:48,240 --> 01:30:49,240
Shit. Fuck!
1906
01:30:49,670 --> 01:30:51,240
Oh! No! Shit!
1907
01:30:55,080 --> 01:30:56,420
My God!
1908
01:31:00,180 --> 01:31:01,250
Oh, fuck!
1909
01:31:01,280 --> 01:31:03,130
Did you fall on something sharp?
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
1910
01:31:03,190 --> 01:31:07,160
Okay, did it go up inside of
you by way of your rectum?
1911
01:31:07,260 --> 01:31:08,630
Yeah, I think so.
1912
01:31:08,690 --> 01:31:13,440
It feels like a small trophy or...
A collectible.
1913
01:31:13,700 --> 01:31:16,300
James, I am a nurse. Okay?
1914
01:31:16,770 --> 01:31:19,180
I can get whatever
is up there out.
1915
01:31:19,270 --> 01:31:20,650
No, I don't want you to look.
1916
01:31:21,200 --> 01:31:24,520
It's not Maura, the woman that you
were kissing who's gonna look.
1917
01:31:24,610 --> 01:31:26,380
It's a nurse who just got here.
Okay.
1918
01:31:26,480 --> 01:31:29,150
Hello, sir. Nice to meet
you for the first time.
1919
01:31:29,210 --> 01:31:30,890
Okay. All right. Okay.
1920
01:31:30,980 --> 01:31:34,020
I'm just gonna roll you over
so I can examine your rectum.
1921
01:31:34,120 --> 01:31:35,820
Okay. Stop. Stop saying rectum.
1922
01:31:36,320 --> 01:31:38,890
I'm gonna get it out, whatever it is.
Mmm-hmm. Okay.
1923
01:31:38,990 --> 01:31:41,350
So I'm just gonna twist it, and
pull it out slowly. Mmm-hmm.
1924
01:31:41,390 --> 01:31:42,630
Just breathe.
1925
01:31:47,500 --> 01:31:48,980
It's a music box.
1926
01:31:50,170 --> 01:31:51,240
Yep.
1927
01:31:51,800 --> 01:31:53,840
It's my ballerina music box.
Mmm-hmm.
1928
01:31:54,800 --> 01:31:58,080
And she's in high-fifth position,
which is why she went in so easily.
1929
01:31:58,170 --> 01:31:59,180
Okay.
1930
01:31:59,740 --> 01:32:02,850
Is it past the tutu?
1931
01:32:05,150 --> 01:32:06,220
Yeah. Mmm.
1932
01:32:06,320 --> 01:32:08,060
That's why it's catching.
1933
01:32:08,150 --> 01:32:10,560
So, okay, James,
I'm gonna try something here.
1934
01:32:10,650 --> 01:32:12,220
No. Nah' I'm good. It's okay.
1935
01:32:12,320 --> 01:32:13,560
I know, I know.
Just give me a second.
1936
01:32:13,660 --> 01:32:14,690
Okay, hold on!
1937
01:32:14,760 --> 01:32:18,030
That's turning inside me!
Just let it wind down.
1938
01:32:30,170 --> 01:32:31,580
I think it's almost done.
1939
01:32:31,670 --> 01:32:34,520
It's Swiss-made,
so it may take a while.
1940
01:32:35,950 --> 01:32:38,430
How long is this fucking song?
1941
01:32:38,510 --> 01:32:40,390
It really is a beautiful melody.
1942
01:32:40,720 --> 01:32:43,360
Beethoven. What a...
What a genius.
1943
01:32:44,120 --> 01:32:45,120
Mmm-hmm.
1944
01:32:46,620 --> 01:32:48,860
And we're do... Nope.
1945
01:32:49,530 --> 01:32:51,030
It went around again. Yeah.
1946
01:32:51,090 --> 01:32:52,940
Okay, you know what'?
I'm gonna hop up.
1947
01:32:53,030 --> 01:32:54,870
Okay. You got it? Yeah,
I got it-Yeah, no, no.
1948
01:32:55,570 --> 01:32:57,640
It didn't happen. It never happened.
1949
01:32:57,730 --> 01:32:59,300
James, seriously.
1950
01:32:59,400 --> 01:33:01,440
Be gentle.
Be very, very careful.
1951
01:33:01,570 --> 01:33:04,140
I'm gonna borrow this. Let's not
make this the headline of the night.
1952
01:33:04,240 --> 01:33:05,620
We are gonna laugh
about this someday.
1953
01:33:05,710 --> 01:33:08,710
You know, that is not the worst
rectal accident I've ever seen.
1954
01:33:08,780 --> 01:33:10,050
Thanks for that.
1955
01:33:10,110 --> 01:33:12,590
Thanks for cleaning up
the fucking gel, Kate!
1956
01:33:14,580 --> 01:33:16,150
Holy shit.
1957
01:33:16,250 --> 01:33:18,060
Help me wash it off. Yeah?
1958
01:33:19,060 --> 01:33:20,060
Kate?
1959
01:33:20,790 --> 01:33:22,000
Has anyone seen my sister?
1960
01:33:22,090 --> 01:33:24,500
She's sober and she needs to
drive us to the hospital.
1961
01:33:24,590 --> 01:33:27,340
I think I got the gangrene.
1962
01:33:27,430 --> 01:33:29,600
I might have
fucked a copy machine!
1963
01:33:29,730 --> 01:33:31,010
Good Lord.
1964
01:33:31,100 --> 01:33:32,170
Are you okay?
1965
01:33:32,270 --> 01:33:34,580
I swallowed my wedding ring!
1966
01:33:37,410 --> 01:33:38,610
Where's my purse?
1967
01:33:43,950 --> 01:33:45,080
Hmm?
1968
01:33:48,750 --> 01:33:53,170
Hey, Aunt Maura. I just landed in
Orlando! Thanks for our conversation.
1969
01:33:53,260 --> 01:33:56,360
I 'm glad you talked me into
coming down-I do trust you.
1970
01:33:56,460 --> 01:33:58,170
I set the alarm at your condo,
1971
01:33:58,260 --> 01:34:00,870
and I gave my keys to your
pet-sitter, like you told me.
1972
01:34:00,960 --> 01:34:04,430
And I sent you a picture of me and Polenta.
She misses you.
1973
01:34:09,940 --> 01:34:11,510
Oh, hell no.
1974
01:34:11,610 --> 01:34:14,020
Where is my purse?
Have you seen it anywhere?
1975
01:34:14,110 --> 01:34:15,110
It was just here.
1976
01:34:19,150 --> 01:34:20,220
Oh, shit.
1977
01:34:20,320 --> 01:34:22,130
More stevia!
1978
01:34:22,190 --> 01:34:23,860
Cloud Nine didn't
have this glitch in it.
1979
01:34:25,120 --> 01:34:26,460
Hey! Calm down.
1980
01:34:27,690 --> 01:34:28,690
Oh, steamroller!
1981
01:34:29,330 --> 01:34:30,800
Steamroller!
1982
01:34:31,830 --> 01:34:33,470
Santa, help me!
1983
01:34:42,540 --> 01:34:44,480
Okay, good night.
1984
01:34:44,540 --> 01:34:45,540
Good night, sweet prince.
1985
01:34:51,510 --> 01:34:52,520
James!
1986
01:34:53,980 --> 01:34:54,980
James.
1987
01:34:56,550 --> 01:34:58,050
James, let me
get you to a hospital.
1988
01:34:58,150 --> 01:34:59,100
No, I'm all right.
The thing is...
1989
01:34:59,190 --> 01:35:01,630
Maura, thank you for your help,
but I know what's best for me.
1990
01:35:01,660 --> 01:35:02,930
And right now...
1991
01:35:03,030 --> 01:35:05,900
I think I need to be
alone with my asshole.
1992
01:35:06,000 --> 01:35:07,500
Okay.
Good night, Maura.
1993
01:35:08,870 --> 01:35:12,070
I need more stevia!
1994
01:35:12,170 --> 01:35:13,240
Where's Kate?
1995
01:35:13,340 --> 01:35:15,250
Oh, she went to go get booze.
1996
01:35:15,340 --> 01:35:16,580
She was pretty drunk.
1997
01:35:16,670 --> 01:35:19,380
Say hello to my little friend!
Of course she was.
1998
01:35:22,040 --> 01:35:25,250
Let's get this party started!
1999
01:35:26,180 --> 01:35:27,220
He's on Cloud 10!
2000
01:35:30,020 --> 01:35:31,020
I'm Alex.
2001
01:35:31,190 --> 01:35:34,100
We are going to dance floor
to dance out the rat poison.
2002
01:35:34,190 --> 01:35:35,360
What the fuck?
2003
01:35:40,030 --> 01:35:42,190
Hey. I'm sorry. Hold on one second.
Hold on one second.
2004
01:35:42,570 --> 01:35:43,940
Oh-my God! Mom?
2005
01:35:44,030 --> 01:35:45,210
Yeah,
I'll be right there.
2006
01:35:45,270 --> 01:35:46,270
I'm kidding!
2007
01:35:49,040 --> 01:35:52,710
But thanks for finally laughing,
you fucking assholes!
2008
01:35:57,950 --> 01:35:59,220
Oh, I'm gonna kill her!
2009
01:36:00,050 --> 01:36:03,120
Where's my sister?
2010
01:36:05,460 --> 01:36:06,460
Kate!
2011
01:36:06,560 --> 01:36:07,630
Girl fight!
2012
01:36:07,720 --> 01:36:08,960
Maura!
2013
01:36:09,060 --> 01:36:10,300
Kate! Maura!
2014
01:36:10,390 --> 01:36:11,460
Girl fight!
2015
01:36:11,560 --> 01:36:12,600
Where's my sister?
2016
01:36:14,460 --> 01:36:15,570
Girl fight!
2017
01:36:28,310 --> 01:36:29,310
Go, go, go!
2018
01:36:45,960 --> 01:36:47,940
We did it, you guys.
2019
01:36:48,000 --> 01:36:49,770
We stopped time!
2020
01:36:52,770 --> 01:36:54,680
It's snowing!
2021
01:36:55,510 --> 01:36:57,310
Yes! Yes!
2022
01:37:02,610 --> 01:37:04,290
Oh, my God. You guys.
2023
01:37:04,450 --> 01:37:05,450
Sinkhole!
2024
01:37:16,190 --> 01:37:17,870
On, shit!
2025
01:37:18,290 --> 01:37:19,300
Look at this!
2026
01:37:19,460 --> 01:37:20,810
Oh, my God.
2027
01:37:20,960 --> 01:37:23,380
Oh, my God!
2028
01:37:23,530 --> 01:37:25,340
There's a sinkhole.
There's a sinkhole.
2029
01:37:25,500 --> 01:37:26,740
Look at this.
2030
01:37:26,840 --> 01:37:28,510
You told me you were gonna
take care of things
2031
01:37:28,570 --> 01:37:30,210
and you let
everything go to shit.
2032
01:37:30,310 --> 01:37:31,480
Where did you go?
2033
01:37:31,840 --> 01:37:33,880
You were supposed to stay sober.
I was supposed to get laid!
2034
01:37:34,040 --> 01:37:38,820
Oh, I'm so sorry that you couldn't get laid
for the five millionth time in your life.
2035
01:37:38,920 --> 01:37:42,160
Oh, I get! I get my fucking
dick when I want to.
2036
01:37:42,250 --> 01:37:43,860
Don't you ever
pull that shit with me!
2037
01:37:43,990 --> 01:37:45,360
I know you get tons of dick!
2038
01:37:45,490 --> 01:37:48,030
Just not tonight and not recently.
Mmm-hmm.
2039
01:37:48,390 --> 01:37:50,000
Where's my daughter, Maura?
2040
01:37:50,490 --> 01:37:51,900
Do you know?
2041
01:37:53,360 --> 01:37:54,360
No.
2042
01:37:54,560 --> 01:37:56,010
Look me in the eyes.
2043
01:37:58,900 --> 01:38:00,680
I don't know where she is.
2044
01:38:00,740 --> 01:38:03,410
You've always been
a fucking terrible liar.
2045
01:38:03,570 --> 01:38:05,610
Where is my daughter, Maura?
2046
01:38:05,710 --> 01:38:07,620
She has been staying
with me in Atlanta.
2047
01:38:07,710 --> 01:38:08,750
Since when?
2048
01:38:09,710 --> 01:38:10,710
June.
2049
01:38:11,880 --> 01:38:12,950
June.
2050
01:38:14,020 --> 01:38:17,460
You watched me worry
about her like an idiot,
2051
01:38:17,550 --> 01:38:21,090
fucking texting her every day, and
freaking out about her every day.
2052
01:38:21,190 --> 01:38:22,870
And she was living
with you the whole time?
2053
01:38:22,930 --> 01:38:24,600
Okay, but the thing is,
she didn't want you to know.
2054
01:38:24,690 --> 01:38:27,440
You're my sister! You should
have told me she was safe!
2055
01:38:27,530 --> 01:38:31,240
She is. She was!
The thing is, Haley needs...
2056
01:38:31,300 --> 01:38:34,140
Don't tell me what my
daughter needs, Okay?
2057
01:38:34,240 --> 01:38:37,380
Why don't you drive yourself to fucking
Petco and find a fucking husband?
2058
01:38:37,810 --> 01:38:42,050
Or go breastfeed a squirrel,
you sad excuse for a woman.
2059
01:38:43,310 --> 01:38:44,120
Oh.
2060
01:38:44,150 --> 01:38:45,150
Oh, shit!
2061
01:38:50,650 --> 01:38:53,570
This reminds me of that movie
we watched on our anniversary.
2062
01:38:55,490 --> 01:38:57,440
Ow! Ow!
2063
01:38:57,490 --> 01:38:58,600
My hip. My hip!
2064
01:38:58,660 --> 01:38:59,800
Are you okay? Yeah.
2065
01:38:59,900 --> 01:39:01,100
Can you move it? Yeah.
2066
01:39:01,160 --> 01:39:02,840
Good, because
I'm gonna kill you!
2067
01:39:03,470 --> 01:39:05,910
I really hope
Maura cracks her in half.
2068
01:39:05,970 --> 01:39:07,450
Come on, Maura!
2069
01:39:07,500 --> 01:39:08,570
Don't you spit on me.
2070
01:39:08,740 --> 01:39:10,300
Why are you hitting yourself'?
Not cool!
2071
01:39:10,340 --> 01:39:14,190
Wait a second. I'm posting this shit
straight on PoolsideBitchFights.com.
2072
01:39:15,750 --> 01:39:16,820
Kick her in the tits!
2073
01:39:16,910 --> 01:39:18,910
Haley is my kid, not yours!
2074
01:39:20,250 --> 01:39:21,250
God damn it!
2075
01:39:21,420 --> 01:39:22,790
What have you done to our house?
2076
01:39:22,850 --> 01:39:25,420
Stop that mud wrestling now!
2077
01:39:25,590 --> 01:39:26,950
Mom, leave Aunt Maura alone.
2078
01:39:26,990 --> 01:39:28,470
I was doing just fine
living with her.
2079
01:39:28,520 --> 01:39:29,800
I mean, ask Gram and Gramps.
2080
01:39:29,860 --> 01:39:32,470
You guys knew all along that
she was living with Maura?
2081
01:39:32,530 --> 01:39:34,870
You lying mofos!
2082
01:39:35,030 --> 01:39:36,340
I'm gonna kill you.
2083
01:39:36,430 --> 01:39:38,640
Stop it. Stop it! We are fed up.
2084
01:39:38,700 --> 01:39:40,510
We have no energy
for this goddamn shit.
2085
01:39:40,600 --> 01:39:42,310
Stop!
2086
01:39:42,370 --> 01:39:44,810
Our whole house looks like Pompeii,
and you two are wrestling?
2087
01:39:44,870 --> 01:39:45,880
I'll tell you what.
2088
01:39:46,040 --> 01:39:49,110
Since we're all finally
telling the goddamn truth,
2089
01:39:49,180 --> 01:39:50,380
here's our truth.
2090
01:39:50,550 --> 01:39:53,360
And we mean this from the
bottom of our hearts.
2091
01:39:53,450 --> 01:39:56,830
We are so tired
of the both of you.
2092
01:39:56,890 --> 01:39:59,870
We're so tired. We really are.
2093
01:39:59,960 --> 01:40:01,660
You know, everybody
always said to us...
2094
01:40:01,720 --> 01:40:05,800
"Enjoy your kids while they're
young because it goes so fast."
2095
01:40:05,860 --> 01:40:08,340
I don't know what the fuck
they were talking about,
2096
01:40:08,400 --> 01:40:10,880
because it seems like
we'll never be done.
2097
01:40:10,970 --> 01:40:13,810
We keep trying
to pass you the baton.
2098
01:40:13,870 --> 01:40:15,510
You won't take it.
2099
01:40:15,570 --> 01:40:16,680
Take it!
2100
01:40:16,740 --> 01:40:19,740
Just take the fucking baton!
2101
01:40:20,810 --> 01:40:22,980
I agree. We all think you
should take the baton, Kate.
2102
01:40:23,750 --> 01:40:25,850
Maura, cut the shit.
We're talking to you, too.
2103
01:40:25,920 --> 01:40:27,690
Me? Yeah, you.
2104
01:40:27,750 --> 01:40:29,320
Go and live your life
2105
01:40:29,390 --> 01:40:32,830
and stop following us around
like we're gonna die any minute.
2106
01:40:32,890 --> 01:40:34,420
Yeah, we probably have more sex
2107
01:40:34,520 --> 01:40:35,830
than the both of you. Yeah.
2108
01:40:35,930 --> 01:40:38,000
We know! Yeah. We interrupted
one of your day-bangs.
2109
01:40:38,060 --> 01:40:39,330
Oh, my God!
2110
01:40:39,500 --> 01:40:40,670
You know,
if it takes a village...
2111
01:40:40,830 --> 01:40:43,280
I want a different village,
because this one sucks!
2112
01:40:43,430 --> 01:40:45,740
Why can't you guys just be...
2113
01:40:49,610 --> 01:40:51,020
Haley! Haley!
2114
01:40:51,070 --> 01:40:52,350
Oh, God. Oh, shit!
2115
01:40:52,410 --> 01:40:54,220
- Oh, sweet Jesus!
- Haley!
2116
01:40:54,280 --> 01:40:55,380
Haley? Mom!
2117
01:40:55,440 --> 01:40:56,720
- Bucky, do something!
- Haley!
2118
01:40:56,780 --> 01:40:57,780
Haley!
2119
01:40:59,580 --> 01:41:01,120
Oh, shit! Kate!
2120
01:41:02,350 --> 01:41:03,890
This party is unbelievable.
2121
01:41:03,950 --> 01:41:06,960
I am not going in to work tomorrow.
TSA can kiss my ass.
2122
01:41:07,790 --> 01:41:11,430
Kate, I've been through this shit
before when my condo sankholed.
2123
01:41:11,530 --> 01:41:13,130
I'm gonna talk you through it.
2124
01:41:13,300 --> 01:41:15,370
Your first instinct is gonna be
2125
01:41:15,430 --> 01:41:17,570
just to go to sleep and deal
with it in the morning,
2126
01:41:17,630 --> 01:41:18,630
but don't do that
2127
01:41:18,730 --> 01:41:19,740
I got a ladder. Kate!
2128
01:41:19,870 --> 01:41:21,080
- Is it cold?
- Yes, it's fucking cold!
2129
01:41:21,140 --> 01:41:22,280
Hush! It looks cold.
2130
01:41:22,440 --> 01:41:25,080
Everyone's distracted
by the emergency right now.
2131
01:41:25,140 --> 01:41:27,750
I wanna be balls deep in joy.
2132
01:41:27,810 --> 01:41:29,450
Then be in it.
2133
01:41:29,550 --> 01:41:30,650
Back into me.
2134
01:41:31,310 --> 01:41:33,260
Backing into you.
2135
01:41:37,790 --> 01:41:39,630
I'm in. Lock it up.
2136
01:41:39,720 --> 01:41:41,460
- Okay, I got you.
- We got the ladder.
2137
01:41:41,620 --> 01:41:42,830
Kate! Come on up the ladder.
2138
01:41:42,990 --> 01:41:44,490
We can do this
together, all right?
2139
01:41:44,590 --> 01:41:46,500
Everyone say
a non-denominational
2140
01:41:46,600 --> 01:41:49,170
silent prayer
to themselves, please.
2141
01:41:49,330 --> 01:41:50,940
Haley, don't be scared.
Here we go.
2142
01:41:51,000 --> 01:41:52,500
- That's really high.
- Come on, you can do it!
2143
01:41:52,670 --> 01:41:55,110
- It's too steep. I'm gonna fall.
- It's the only way out.
2144
01:41:55,170 --> 01:41:57,010
Look, there's Gramps. Oh,
you're not gonna slip, honey.
2145
01:41:57,110 --> 01:41:58,150
Come on. I can't, I can't.
2146
01:41:58,170 --> 01:42:01,160
We need to get in there and help them.
I need all your carabiners!
2147
01:42:01,240 --> 01:42:02,350
I'm all over it.
2148
01:42:02,510 --> 01:42:04,150
Hales, this could keep sinking.
2149
01:42:04,250 --> 01:42:05,530
Do you want me
to climb with you?
2150
01:42:05,580 --> 01:42:06,580
What?
2151
01:42:06,650 --> 01:42:09,290
I'll climb with you, okay? I'm gonna
climb right here, next to you.
2152
01:42:12,020 --> 01:42:13,930
Kate, you can do it!
2153
01:42:13,990 --> 01:42:17,130
Mommy used to do this at parties,
because she was a fucking idiot.
2154
01:42:17,190 --> 01:42:19,140
Come on. Come on. Come on, now.
2155
01:42:19,200 --> 01:42:20,170
Everybody!
2156
01:42:20,260 --> 01:42:21,870
- Don't look down. You got it.
- Kate! Kate! Kate!
2157
01:42:21,960 --> 01:42:23,810
Okay. Come on.
2158
01:42:23,870 --> 01:42:25,000
There we go.
2159
01:42:25,170 --> 01:42:26,480
Yep. Yep. Come on, girl.
2160
01:42:26,540 --> 01:42:27,710
You got it. Haley. Come on!
2161
01:42:27,870 --> 01:42:28,950
You're almost there.
2162
01:42:29,000 --> 01:42:30,280
Come on. I got it! Mom?
2163
01:42:30,340 --> 01:42:31,370
I'm the mom! Come on.
2164
01:42:36,110 --> 01:42:37,280
All right!
2165
01:42:42,550 --> 01:42:46,290
Now, everybody get the hell out of
here, before I call your children!
2166
01:42:51,190 --> 01:42:53,300
You jumped into a sinkhole
2167
01:42:53,460 --> 01:42:55,840
and climbed
a rock wall to save me.
2168
01:42:55,900 --> 01:42:59,040
Yeah, it's called Mom strength.
I basically She-Hulked.
2169
01:42:59,400 --> 01:43:00,710
You're my kid.
2170
01:43:00,870 --> 01:43:02,750
It's the only job
I'll never quit.
2171
01:43:06,580 --> 01:43:08,020
Did you smell my head?
2172
01:43:08,080 --> 01:43:09,250
Yeah, smells good.
2173
01:43:09,410 --> 01:43:10,720
You're such a weirdo.
2174
01:43:10,880 --> 01:43:12,240
Remember, I can
throw a car at you.
2175
01:43:21,590 --> 01:43:23,590
Maybe it'll look
better in the daylight?
2176
01:43:28,100 --> 01:43:30,100
Why is it blue?
2177
01:43:30,830 --> 01:43:32,840
Well, we are totally fucked.
2178
01:43:32,900 --> 01:43:34,380
Oh, my God, Mom,
don't say "fucked."
2179
01:43:34,440 --> 01:43:36,440
It sounds so wrong
coming out of your mouth.
2180
01:43:36,910 --> 01:43:39,550
Oh, too fucking bad.
2181
01:43:39,610 --> 01:43:41,210
I'm pissed.
2182
01:43:41,280 --> 01:43:43,590
And I'll say
whatever I wanna say
2183
01:43:43,680 --> 01:43:47,020
because I am cuntingly
disappointed in you!
2184
01:43:47,080 --> 01:43:48,120
All right.
2185
01:43:48,250 --> 01:43:51,930
That's not even a word. Don't you
dare sass me like your sister.
2186
01:43:52,020 --> 01:43:53,590
We are going home
2187
01:43:53,690 --> 01:43:57,230
and your
asses are getting up at 6:00 a.m.
To clean up.
2188
01:43:57,430 --> 01:43:59,700
- What?
- And put some underwear on!
2189
01:43:59,760 --> 01:44:02,710
What are you doing?
I mean, it's just shameful!
2190
01:44:02,770 --> 01:44:03,770
God, you guys need to chill out.
2191
01:44:03,870 --> 01:44:05,210
Oh, God!
2192
01:44:06,440 --> 01:44:07,970
Oh, God!
2193
01:44:08,070 --> 01:44:09,740
Calm down, Mom!
2194
01:44:09,810 --> 01:44:10,980
Fuck Off!
2195
01:44:22,420 --> 01:44:27,490
Dear diary, tonight we
had a party that fumed into a foam orgy.
2196
01:44:27,590 --> 01:44:31,470
I made out with a
sweet, hot,
funny guy who really liked me
2197
01:44:31,560 --> 01:44:34,670
until he fell down
butthole-first on a
ballerina.
2198
01:44:36,400 --> 01:44:37,400
What a night.
2199
01:44:38,730 --> 01:44:40,080
Asses up!
2200
01:44:40,440 --> 01:44:41,570
Now!
2201
01:45:08,160 --> 01:45:09,370
On, God!
2202
01:45:09,470 --> 01:45:10,470
Who's that?
2203
01:45:11,970 --> 01:45:13,880
Whoa! What happened here?
2204
01:45:13,970 --> 01:45:14,970
Oh.
2205
01:45:15,370 --> 01:45:16,850
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Ellis.
2206
01:45:17,010 --> 01:45:18,380
You look great.
2207
01:45:21,380 --> 01:45:23,790
You find my hearing aid?
2208
01:45:25,180 --> 01:45:26,490
Where did you leave it?
2209
01:45:26,650 --> 01:45:28,290
She can't hear you.
2210
01:45:28,350 --> 01:45:30,560
She had to take them out because
the beeping was freaking me out
2211
01:45:30,650 --> 01:45:31,820
when I was on drugs.
2212
01:45:37,530 --> 01:45:38,560
What?
2213
01:45:38,730 --> 01:45:39,970
Nobody's lips are moving.
2214
01:45:40,130 --> 01:45:42,540
Okay. I'm pretty sure I
swallowed all my credit cards,
2215
01:45:42,630 --> 01:45:44,370
so I'm gonna go deal with that.
2216
01:45:44,530 --> 01:45:46,210
Come on, my love.
2217
01:45:46,300 --> 01:45:48,040
Happy Birthday!
2218
01:45:54,410 --> 01:45:57,980
When the girls were little, I used to
wash their hair with this sprayer.
2219
01:45:58,150 --> 01:46:01,560
I could put this one
in the condo, if you like.
2220
01:46:01,720 --> 01:46:02,720
No.
2221
01:46:04,350 --> 01:46:05,700
I'll remember it.
2222
01:46:14,830 --> 01:46:16,100
Scratch my back?
2223
01:46:23,510 --> 01:46:24,910
There'? Mmm-hmm. Mmm.
2224
01:46:25,340 --> 01:46:27,380
Mmm-hmm'?
2225
01:46:31,080 --> 01:46:32,120
Listen, Dad...
2226
01:46:32,210 --> 01:46:35,250
I'll buy the house as is and
Kate and Haley can stay here.
2227
01:46:35,350 --> 01:46:36,350
No, you won't.
2228
01:46:36,420 --> 01:46:38,730
Let me fix things.
You've done enough.
2229
01:46:38,790 --> 01:46:40,430
Don't you have a plane to catch?
2230
01:46:40,520 --> 01:46:43,700
When are you gonna learn
that your help isn't always wanted?
2231
01:46:45,760 --> 01:46:47,470
I can't offer
as much as Maura can,
2232
01:46:48,130 --> 01:46:49,730
but I do have some money.
2233
01:46:49,900 --> 01:46:53,710
Can I please live in your
house, temporarily, with Haley,
2234
01:46:54,240 --> 01:46:56,050
and fix it up?
2235
01:46:56,440 --> 01:46:58,210
Don't have to answer right away...
No.
2236
01:46:58,570 --> 01:47:00,450
Please, just go home.
2237
01:47:01,410 --> 01:47:03,150
I have no more home.
2238
01:47:09,650 --> 01:47:12,390
Oh, pulling out the
granddaughter card.
2239
01:47:13,120 --> 01:47:14,430
God damn it.
2240
01:47:15,760 --> 01:47:18,740
All right, I'll give you
two weeks to fix it up
2241
01:47:18,790 --> 01:47:20,970
and then I'm torching
it for insurance.
2242
01:47:21,430 --> 01:47:22,670
Okay.
2243
01:47:23,000 --> 01:47:25,070
That's everything I have.
2244
01:47:26,570 --> 01:47:28,610
Can you fix the damage for that?
2245
01:47:28,670 --> 01:47:29,670
No.
2246
01:47:30,810 --> 01:47:33,580
But I'll help you do it.
2247
01:47:35,280 --> 01:47:37,190
Is Maura still in town?
2248
01:47:37,950 --> 01:47:38,950
No.
2249
01:48:03,840 --> 01:48:05,720
I thought you flew to Atlanta.
2250
01:48:06,180 --> 01:48:07,180
Uh...
2251
01:48:08,010 --> 01:48:10,490
I didn't wanna leave town
until I said I was sorry.
2252
01:48:17,320 --> 01:48:18,890
And I think I melted
my driver's license
2253
01:48:18,990 --> 01:48:20,310
in the microwave,
the other night.
2254
01:48:22,720 --> 01:48:23,900
I'm sorry, Kate.
2255
01:48:24,060 --> 01:48:26,840
I'm sorry that I didn't tell
you that Haley was with me.
2256
01:48:27,560 --> 01:48:29,340
Will you forgive me for that?
2257
01:48:31,070 --> 01:48:32,700
I'm gonna milk it for a while.
2258
01:48:32,870 --> 01:48:34,010
Okay.
2259
01:48:35,840 --> 01:48:37,210
I made you something.
2260
01:48:37,370 --> 01:48:39,750
I was gonna send it to you,
but I didn't have any stamps
2261
01:48:39,840 --> 01:48:41,510
because they don't
make them anymore.
2262
01:48:46,180 --> 01:48:49,060
"Sisters are always there
for each other."
2263
01:48:50,550 --> 01:48:53,400
"But some sisters
think they're hot shit,"
2264
01:48:53,490 --> 01:48:55,330
"and do super-intrusive,
fucked-up things,"
2265
01:48:55,390 --> 01:48:58,930
"like secretly harbor the other one's
child so they can feel superior."
2266
01:48:59,030 --> 01:49:00,530
Quotes are usually short.
2267
01:49:00,700 --> 01:49:03,400
So are dicks, but sometimes
you hit the jackpot.
2268
01:49:03,870 --> 01:49:05,040
Keep reading.
2269
01:49:07,370 --> 01:49:11,370
"And some sisters live their lives
in chaos, like a goddamn tornado,"
2270
01:49:11,440 --> 01:49:13,890
"so the other sister has to
clean it up all the time."
2271
01:49:14,540 --> 01:49:17,220
"So, they're both wrong.
The end."
2272
01:49:18,610 --> 01:49:20,120
When I was party mom,
2273
01:49:20,280 --> 01:49:24,060
I realized that always having to
take care of everyone's shit sucks.
2274
01:49:24,390 --> 01:49:26,200
And I'm sure you realized
2275
01:49:26,260 --> 01:49:29,630
that it's not all fun being
selfish and leaving a mess.
2276
01:49:29,730 --> 01:49:31,970
It's pretty fucking fun.
2277
01:49:35,630 --> 01:49:38,870
We need to say goodbye to this
house and who we were here.
2278
01:49:43,570 --> 01:49:47,490
You know, James told me
that a house is a building
2279
01:49:47,580 --> 01:49:50,280
but home is a feeling.
2280
01:49:50,380 --> 01:49:52,330
He's smart. You need
to lock that guy down.
2281
01:49:52,410 --> 01:49:53,720
I blew it with him.
2282
01:49:53,780 --> 01:49:55,420
No, he's still asking about you.
2283
01:49:55,580 --> 01:49:57,000
He is? Yeah.
2284
01:49:57,090 --> 01:49:58,390
He is the greatest
2285
01:49:58,550 --> 01:49:59,790
James just needs some...
2286
01:49:59,890 --> 01:50:01,660
No! Stop deciding
what other people need.
2287
01:50:01,760 --> 01:50:04,260
You need help. Let him help you.
2288
01:50:06,430 --> 01:50:09,100
I got to go scrub "I heart
balls" off the fridge.
2289
01:50:09,260 --> 01:50:10,610
I'm sorry I wrote that.
2290
01:50:11,130 --> 01:50:12,480
Wait! Mmm.
2291
01:50:14,100 --> 01:50:16,100
What do I do when I see him?
2292
01:50:16,270 --> 01:50:18,580
See, I'm asking
for help already.
2293
01:50:19,270 --> 01:50:21,120
Find a way to
make him come to you.
2294
01:50:21,910 --> 01:50:23,690
But go big-
2295
01:50:23,780 --> 01:50:25,620
Make it clear that you need him.
2296
01:50:35,990 --> 01:50:37,300
Help!
2297
01:50:38,990 --> 01:50:40,600
Help!
2298
01:50:52,610 --> 01:50:54,610
Help.
2299
01:50:56,980 --> 01:50:58,820
I know you used
to be a lifeguard.
2300
01:50:59,610 --> 01:51:01,120
I need it.
2301
01:51:04,720 --> 01:51:06,170
Save me, please!
2302
01:51:19,130 --> 01:51:20,550
Oh, my God.
2303
01:51:20,640 --> 01:51:21,910
I'm drowning.
2304
01:51:22,000 --> 01:51:23,180
Don't die.
2305
01:51:23,510 --> 01:51:24,810
Come here.
2306
01:51:33,920 --> 01:51:36,360
Water feels good
on my ballerina hole.
2307
01:51:39,150 --> 01:51:41,530
What about your dick burns'?
Ooh.
2308
01:51:41,590 --> 01:51:43,730
Nice to meet you, Dick Burns.
2309
01:52:19,730 --> 01:52:22,210
How in the hell
did you pull this off?
2310
01:52:22,260 --> 01:52:26,110
Well, I usually give 30% and I
went for the full 100 this time.
2311
01:52:27,700 --> 01:52:29,580
You might need one more coat.
2312
01:52:31,210 --> 01:52:32,740
What?
2313
01:52:34,080 --> 01:52:35,150
There we go.
2314
01:52:35,910 --> 01:52:37,580
Thanks for doing this.
Oh, well...
2315
01:52:38,380 --> 01:52:40,090
Thank you for bringing me Dave.
2316
01:52:40,450 --> 01:52:42,730
He's really quite
the tender love maker.
2317
01:52:43,450 --> 01:52:44,830
Big Dave.
2318
01:52:49,060 --> 01:52:50,730
Very big Dave. All right.
2319
01:52:50,960 --> 01:52:52,300
Big, big, big, big, big boy.-
2320
01:52:52,390 --> 01:52:53,840
Okay. I think Dave
is just what you needed.
2321
01:52:54,060 --> 01:52:55,060
Yeah.
2322
01:52:57,570 --> 01:52:59,510
Whoo! I can barely walk.
2323
01:52:59,900 --> 01:53:01,070
So, this is awesome.
2324
01:53:01,740 --> 01:53:02,770
Come on, girlfriend.
2325
01:53:02,840 --> 01:53:03,840
Dave has chlamydia.
2326
01:53:05,470 --> 01:53:06,750
Right, friendship.
2327
01:53:16,920 --> 01:53:19,830
Mom, this guy wants to know if
he can get 10% off his manicure
2328
01:53:19,920 --> 01:53:21,420
because he only
has nine fingers.
2329
01:53:21,490 --> 01:53:23,440
Hang up. It's your
grandpa pranking us.
2330
01:53:23,930 --> 01:53:25,530
Nice try, Gramps.
2331
01:53:25,630 --> 01:53:28,010
Gross! Get a room!
2332
01:53:28,100 --> 01:53:29,270
Ah, you know you love it.
2333
01:53:29,530 --> 01:53:30,370
It's 10:00!
2334
01:53:30,530 --> 01:53:31,880
Champagne time.
2335
01:53:31,970 --> 01:53:33,140
I'm gonna do this every week.
2336
01:53:33,200 --> 01:53:35,480
Hae-Won, you're incredible.
Thank you, Jack.
2337
01:53:35,540 --> 01:53:36,540
High five! No.
2338
01:53:36,610 --> 01:53:38,980
Sorry. All right,
everybody, gather up.
2339
01:53:39,140 --> 01:53:42,640
On behalf of my co-owner
Hae-Won and myself.
2340
01:53:42,710 --> 01:53:44,280
Yay! Thank you, Alex,
2341
01:53:44,350 --> 01:53:45,850
for investing in our dreams.
2342
01:53:46,010 --> 01:53:47,860
Just here to do my part.
2343
01:53:47,950 --> 01:53:49,030
Whoa! Hair part!
2344
01:53:49,120 --> 01:53:50,150
Oh, God. Here we go.
2345
01:53:50,390 --> 01:53:52,020
Yoinks!
2346
01:53:52,120 --> 01:53:53,680
There is a lid for every pot.
2347
01:53:53,720 --> 01:53:55,070
I'm gonna punch him
right in the dick.
2348
01:53:55,160 --> 01:53:56,460
Let's do this!
2349
01:53:57,960 --> 01:53:59,170
Merry Christmas.
2350
01:53:59,230 --> 01:54:00,900
- Haley, you ready?
- I'm coming!
2351
01:54:01,000 --> 01:54:03,070
Hello! Hi.
2352
01:54:05,700 --> 01:54:08,680
Merry Christmas, my two angel.
2353
01:54:08,740 --> 01:54:10,980
And welcome to your new home!
2354
01:54:12,210 --> 01:54:14,380
Come on, let's go pick a room!
2355
01:54:15,080 --> 01:54:16,080
Really?
2356
01:54:16,180 --> 01:54:18,250
No, wheelie.
2357
01:54:18,980 --> 01:54:22,990
If this doesn't smell like our
Christmas, I will flip a table.
2358
01:54:23,420 --> 01:54:24,730
Hi!
2359
01:54:24,920 --> 01:54:26,260
Oh, hi!
2360
01:54:26,350 --> 01:54:28,160
- All right, hi!
- Oh, come here.
2361
01:54:28,260 --> 01:54:30,700
Look at you.
No, look at you. Look at you.
2362
01:54:31,760 --> 01:54:33,030
Cookies!
2363
01:54:33,660 --> 01:54:36,700
- Oh, how beautiful! Look at these!
- They're store-bought.
2364
01:54:36,770 --> 01:54:38,110
Good to see you. Good to see you.
Good to see you.
2365
01:54:38,270 --> 01:54:39,710
Did you make these? No.
2366
01:54:39,770 --> 01:54:41,540
No, I bought them
at a gas station.
2367
01:54:42,540 --> 01:54:44,680
Still feels like our Christmas.
2368
01:54:44,740 --> 01:54:46,010
Yeah.
2369
01:54:46,070 --> 01:54:47,880
Because we're the home.
2370
01:54:50,550 --> 01:54:51,550
Yeah.
2371
01:54:52,680 --> 01:54:53,680
Come here, bootch.
2372
01:55:01,790 --> 01:55:04,530
Okay. Let me lead,
I'm the big sister.
2373
01:55:51,610 --> 01:55:53,810
What kind of... Fuck.
2374
01:55:54,410 --> 01:55:56,580
Sorry. Bloopers! Yeah.
2375
01:55:56,680 --> 01:55:59,850
Whoo! Hey, I put in a special
request for our Applebutt...
2376
01:55:59,950 --> 01:56:02,160
Hey, I Fuck me, sorry.
Fuck, sorry.
2377
01:56:02,250 --> 01:56:03,320
Can I try it again?
Ellis I... Sure.
2378
01:56:03,420 --> 01:56:05,020
Let's try again. Sorry.
2379
01:56:05,120 --> 01:56:06,500
Oh, you probably don't remember.
2380
01:56:06,590 --> 01:56:08,830
Oh, I remember.
2381
01:56:08,920 --> 01:56:10,800
Oh, I remember.
I don't remember.
2382
01:56:11,790 --> 01:56:14,500
My safe word is "Dow Jones
Industrial Average."
2383
01:56:14,600 --> 01:56:16,800
My safe word is
"geopolitical disaster."
2384
01:56:16,870 --> 01:56:19,140
My safe word is
"pseudoparathyroidism."
2385
01:56:19,200 --> 01:56:22,310
That girl is poison.
2386
01:56:23,640 --> 01:56:25,780
She's dangerous.
2387
01:56:27,010 --> 01:56:30,890
I am done wasting words on
that cum-guzzling road whore.
2388
01:56:30,980 --> 01:56:31,980
Wow.
2389
01:56:40,320 --> 01:56:41,490
Huh? Huh?
2390
01:56:42,860 --> 01:56:45,460
Sorry.
2391
01:56:45,530 --> 01:56:46,800
I can't believe that
you haven't farted
2392
01:56:46,900 --> 01:56:48,640
this whole time.
2393
01:56:48,700 --> 01:56:51,200
Good job. Now I put it
in your head, sorry.
2394
01:56:51,300 --> 01:56:52,370
No, they've been silent.
2395
01:56:52,470 --> 01:56:54,170
Okay, here we go.
2396
01:56:54,340 --> 01:56:57,210
Has-Won.
Am I saying it correctly?
2397
01:56:57,310 --> 01:56:58,480
Hae-Won.
2398
01:56:58,540 --> 01:57:00,520
I'm just gonna
throw it away. Hae-Won.
2399
01:57:00,580 --> 01:57:01,550
No.
2400
01:57:04,410 --> 01:57:05,580
Hae...
2401
01:57:07,650 --> 01:57:09,030
Wait, I've got it.
2402
01:57:09,080 --> 01:57:10,650
Hae-Won.
2403
01:57:14,590 --> 01:57:17,040
Hae-Won.
2404
01:57:20,430 --> 01:57:21,930
Sorry.
2405
01:57:23,200 --> 01:57:24,200
I'm sorry.
2406
01:57:27,270 --> 01:57:30,040
Let me just see
if I'm pronouncing it correctly.
2407
01:57:31,710 --> 01:57:32,710
Sorry.
2408
01:57:33,070 --> 01:57:34,610
Hae-Won.
2409
01:57:39,780 --> 01:57:41,420
And cut.
176867