Original subtitles

♪ Come on home

♪ Coming home, baby, now

♪ You know I'm waiting here for you

♪ I'm coming home now real soon

♪ You been gone ♪ Coming home, baby, now

♪ You don't know what I'm going through

♪ I'm coming home I know I'm overdue

♪ Since you went away

♪ Expect me any day now real soon

♪ I'm coming home and never more to roam

♪ Baby, tell me you're...

♪ Baby, I'm for sure coming home

♪ I'm coming home ♪ Come on home. ♪

It's totally shattered. I can't even text.

Can I please have a new screen?

Yes. If you pay for it yourself.

How else will you learn to look after it?

- I've lost my phone again. - Not by watching my parents.

I didn't say we were role models.

I'm running late for Wayne and Julie. Where's my phone?

(Ringtone plays) - Wow. I want that app.

Mum! Something's happened. I can't see.

Oscar, take those out.

Remember what happened with the walnuts?

Hi, Mum.

Darling! Have you got any plans?

It's going to be a beautiful day.

Today?

I'm not forecasting the weather.

Yes, today.

I thought we might head out to the gallery at Heide.

There's a new exhibition in the sculpture garden there

that everyone's talking about.

You hate sculpture.

But I love the chicken sandwiches in the cafe.

I'm sorry, Mum, I can't today. I've got work.

- But today's your day off. - No, it's not.

Edwina scanned your roster and emailed it to me.

Oh, did she? That is very helpful of her.

No, when I say work, it's not work

as in it's not a shift on my roster.

It's actually a stop work meeting.

Good grief, a what? You're a doctor, not a railway worker.

Yes. But, um, we are still having some issues

just in terms of conditions and pay.

Not that I agree with all of them, of course,

because I'm very well paid, obviously, and...

Very bad at lying.

Anyway, the point is that I'm tied up today.

Oh, look at that. You're here.

A stop work meeting?

When on earth did the AMA become so unseemly?

This is what happens when they start offering medical degrees

at Wollongong University.

That's appalling.

They've been handing them out for some time apparently.

What you said is appalling. How can you be such a snob?

I know it's fashionable to be inclusive

but I raised you to be better than that.

The Denyars don't stop work.

Well, as it happens, I'm not totally a Denyar, am I?

- I'm actually a Wheeler too. - I wouldn't say that.

I know, not even while being waterboarded.

You may have raised me

but I come from a family of drag racers.

- Don't speak like that. - I'll go and see them now.

They're going to the stop work meeting?

I was sure they'd rope you into something like that.

There is no stop work meeting.

I made that up because I didn't want you to be upset

that I was spending the day with the Wheelers.

- You are? - With Wayne and Julie.

Isn't there some stop work meeting you should be at?

Well, where are you going?

- What are you doing? - I don't know.

They're taking me somewhere. It's a surprise.

Perhaps they're taking you somewhere with a dress code.

That'd be a surprise.

You just be careful. You don't know these people.

- They're not like us. - They're not like you.

Ta-da! Isn't she a beauty?

She sure is.

You didn't guess we were coming out here, did you?

No, I did not.

Thought you worked it out

when we headed towards the raceway.

I told you we should have used the blindfold.

I didn't have a clue where we were. Never been here before.

- Never? - Not even at school?

Surely your school had an excursion or something.

Did they ever hold an outdoor arts festival here?

But it's lovely, isn't it?

Oh, I'm so excited to see you drive.

- Wow! - We're not driving.

- You are. - We bought you a hot lap!

I have never heard of a hot lap but I'm getting one.

I'm so turned on right now. Say hot lap again.

Danny, I'm serious!

So am I. What are you wearing?

Something that stops me from bursting into flames.

I may die but at least I won't burn.

And not turned on anymore.

Why are they doing this?

They wanted to make up for birthdays and Christmases

that they've missed out on.

How long would it take the helicopter to get here

- from Accident and Emergency? - Bessy!

- Love you, Danny. - You don't have to do this.

I have to! They got a hot lap

for all their kids on their 21st birthday.

It's some sort of rite of passage.

So? You're not their other kids.

OK, I want you to listen to me. What I say goes.

If I say accelerate, I want you to hammer it.

When I say brake,

I want you to plant both your feet so hard on that pedal

that you think your eyes are gonna pop right off your face.

- Right? - Yep.

Wayne, hop out, mate.

What would you say about me riding shotgun, Tone?

Just this once?

I'd say what I say every time you try this on. Get out.

You're the boss.

OK, both hands on the wheel like you mean it.

You are driving, not dusting. Jesus!

- Got any gold coins? - Piss off, Wayne.

Last chance for me to do the honours, Tony.

Julie!

You're not doing the hot lap. Let it go.

Wayne, if you want to do it instead of me, I don't mind.

- Accelerate! - Just go. Go! Go, baby!

Go, baby!

I feel terrible she had to wait so long for this.

- Go, go, go, go, go! - Go where?

- Just go! - Why are you yelling at me?

Go!

Happy birthday!

Merry Christmas!

Come on, take the corner.

Hard in, deep out! Hard in, deep out!

I don't understand what that means!

- Go hard! - That is so rude!

Ooh, she took that well.

Yeah, textbook. Hard in, deep out.

TONY: Flat chat in the straight!

Can you please say something that I understand?

- Go, go! - Thank you!

TONY: Come on, hard in, deep out.

Hard in, deep out.

Hard in, deep out. I know! I know!

Oh, my God! Whoa... Aah...

Driving into corners -

you've got to take the shortest line possible

which means you've got to turn the wheel really, really hard

- and then get back over here. - Go right ahead.

I wasn't happy with the kitchen there anyway.

I was incredible, baby. Incredible.

I was so fast. You should have seen me on the final straight.

Foot flat on the floor, Wayne and Julie were cheering me on.

All this without dying.

Yeah! Do you know why I didn't die?

Because it'd be really bad for the hot lap core business.

Because I'm a Wheeler. Don't you see?

I had the time of my life out there

in spite of my mum raising me

to think of the car as a death trap.

I've always been way too cautious because of her.

Anyway, the point is, today I wasn't cautious.

I wasn't scared. I was a maniac out there!

Oh, for the first time in my life,

I felt like I really belonged.

I don't feel so weird about going

to Brianna's birthday party anymore. I can really fit in.

Do you still want to go, honey? What? What's wrong?

- What? - Parent-teacher interviews.

BOTH: Bags Edwina! - No, no, no, no, no!

You did Edwina last year. I did Oscar, remember?

You probably don't because it was me, not you,

who was asked by five different teachers

whether Oscar had been psychologically tested.

Two of them asked whether

I'd been psychologically tested.

- Fine. We'll both go. (Doorbell rings)

What? No! That's not what I meant.

Oh! You're home.

I didn't think you'd be back from the country yet.

Wayne and Julie don't live in the country.

When you get that far down the freeway,

it's either the country or a holiday.

Margaret, hey! This must be Conway.

Yes. Conway, this is my daughter, Bess, and Danny.

- Hi. - Hi.

OK. Oscar's in his room so just come on through.

Conway is Margaret's birthday present to Oscar.

- The maths tutor? - Yeah.

I told you we weren't going to do that.

Three little words - parent teacher interview.

Or as Oscar would say, seven little words.

So you're at uni? That's so cool.

Do you sleep in a lot?

My friend Caspian's brother is at uni,

he sleeps in all the time.

One time, he slept for three days

after he had 18 beers at the uni bar.

Then me and Caspian wondered what it would be like

to have 18 drinks of anything.

So I had four bottles of creamy soda

and my guts practically exploded

all over the toilet...

Here's the deal.

I'll do your homework if you don't speak to me again.

He's extremely bright.

He won the university maths medal last year.

Pat actually wore it to View Club one day.

It was terribly infra dig.

- Pat? - Conway's Pat's grandson.

That's a big pork belly, isn't it?

I thought that you didn't like Pat.

Well, I didn't know about the maths medal.

It looks delicious, Danny.

Didn't know you were a fan of raw pork.

Would you like to stay for dinner, Mum?

What, tonight? Ooh, I'll have to check my calendar.

Oh, yes, Sunday.

Pat wants to invite you all to an MCC luncheon

with the Australian cricket team.

She wants to return the favour.

What favour? I thought you were paying Conway to tutor.

The MCC. The Australian cricket team?

Did you want this really crispy, Margaret?

- Really crispy. - This Sunday? No, we can't.

- Why not? - Why not?

Because it's Brianna's birthday.

Julie's invited us for lunch.

So?

I've missed all the birthdays.

Exactly. One more won't make any difference.

She'll have another birthday next year.

I won't get to be in the same room

- as Michael Clarke next year. - They're not comparable.

You're right because Brianna is not the Captain

of the Australian cricket team.

Danny! I can't believe you're being so selfish!

Me selfish?!

Do you know how valuable these tickets are?

Do you know how hard they are to come by?

Why is Pat being so generous?

What's wrong with Conway?

There's nothing wrong with Conway.

Pat's just grateful that he's out. Meeting people.

You know what bright people are like.

Can be difficult to tear them away from the computer.

MAN: Oh, your bathrobe. It has slipped.

WOMAN: Perhaps you could help me untangle it.

BESS: 61. DANNY: Oh, of course it is.

Good.

Oh, awesome!

Do we get breadcrumbs

in case we can't find our way back to the car?

Get out, please. Both of you.

Why can't you design houses like this, Dad?

Because then I would have to kill myself.

That's horrible.

Not as horrible as that house.

I told you not to come

and go to the stupid cricket thing with my mother.

I know what that meant -

'Sure, go to the cricket thing with my mother.

But don't expect sex anytime, ever.'

You really should have gone to the cricket thing.

Same outcome.

Seriously? You are unbelievable.

No matter how angry I am with you, I still want to have sex.

Who said chivalry was dead?

- Mum! - Hey, big sister!

Hey, little sis... Uh, birthday girl.

Oh, my God! Is this what I think it is?

Are you serious?

Travel hot rollers! How did you know?

Thank you so much. I love them.

- When the fuck do you travel? - Amber.

JULIE, WAYNE: Swear jar. - For race days,

keep them in the truck. I'm the face of Wheeler Racing.

- You are not! - And she's the arsehole.

- Brianna! - She is.

That's hardly the point, though, is it?

- I'll go put these on. - So, come on. Come through.

BESS: Oh, wow, look at this place.

- It's so big! - Thank you.

Yeah, we went for the deluxe version.

You can't put a price on space, can you?

Yeah, you can. We've got a mortgage

the size of Jupiter to prove it but we love it.

Oh, I can see why.

You must use a lot of energy in here.

That's why I have a big breakfast.

The stairs alone wear me out.

I didn't mean that kind.

Edwina, have you seen the outdoor kitchen?

Are you Jewish?

That's a bit personal.

Is it Kosher or something? Why do you have two kitchens?

Two kitchens, three garages and how many bathrooms?

Five.

Six if you count the one in the bungalow.

Six bathrooms? Cool!

Cool! I know! Wow!

So cool! I mean, I just...

Oh, I just really envy this kind of space.

We just don't get this kind of space where we are.

Well, there's a difference between space and size.

No, there's not. Anyway, it's the size that I love.

I mean, it just feels like

a beautiful home for a family, doesn't it?

OSCAR: Wish we lived here, Mum.

I know. I can see us living here, I really can.

- Yes! - Look at the room in here.

(Gasps)

I've got that colander. How freaky is that?

I have got that exact same colander!

And these glasses? I've got these glasses!

This is exactly like my kitchen!

Hey! Where's this dragster we've heard so much about?

Will we get to see it or what?

Want to help me clear the driveway?

- Yeah! - OK, you can drive.

JULIE: Come on, sweetie.

Baby, baby, baby! I'm sorry for not supporting you.

Didn't realise how mental you were feeling about this

but now I see. And I'm sorry.

Because you're being mental

about living out here, aren't you? Baby?

This is where the magic happens.

- You ready? - Yep.

One, two, three.

Geez, Kayne. Right in front of you.

- The big can! - I can't see it.

(Both laugh)

Is that you, Mum? Did you turn the lights off?

Turn 'em back on. We're trying to fix the engine over here!

(Laughs) Oh, Kayne, don't be so insensitive.

How's that supposed to make your father feel?

- It's funny. - Hey, I didn't see you there.

Because you had the golf balls in your eyes.

That was hilarious, Uncle Kayne.

BESS: Hi, Kayne. Hi, Shawn.

Can I please get in the Janis?

Just promise not to take off and nip down the shops.

- Alright? - I won't.

Has Bess told you what a natural she is, Danny?

- She mentioned it. - Dad! Check it out.

A real, actual, in the flesh Top Fuel Dragster.

That is pretty special. How fast does that go?

Zero to 320 miles per hour in 4.6 seconds.

What he said.

Horsepower starts at 7,000 and its maximum RPM at 8,300.

It runs on 95% nitromethane,

which is why you get the awesome flames out the back.

That is exactly right. You're amazing, Oscar.

I learnt your website off by heart.

Did he say he learned it by heart?

Did he say he learned something?

Do you want to take the engine apart with me?

Can we do it with golf balls in our eyes?

Even when I was coming down the final straight

with my foot flat on the floor, he was yelling at me.

Oh, no, thanks, Amber, I can't drink beer.

- It gives me terrible reflux. - (Burps) Doesn't stop me.

JULIE: Go on, Bess.

Amber, Amber, Bess is telling us about Tony and the hot lap.

He would not stop screaming at me the whole time.

I felt like we were married.

That's how he talks to his wife, isn't it?

You know, Tony shouts at Cheryl.

(Laughs) He totally does.

He yells at her, 'Cheryl, we're leaving!'

'Cheryl! Cheryl! Get me a burger!'

Imagine them having sex!

'Cheryl, get on top!'

But that is how I'd talk to Cheryl if she was my wife,

to get off that big lumpy arse of hers.

Do you know she's starting Zumba?

Oh, yeah, that'd be right.

She'd fit right in.

How ridiculous is that Zumba?

I can't believe a stupid craze like that can just take off.

A stupid craze for stupid lumpy arses.

Mum was being sarcastic.

Cheryl won't actually fit in

because people like us do Zumba.

Hang on, which Zumba are you talking about?

Are y-you talking about the one with the bouncy poles?

And the balloons?

Where you hit the balloons with the bouncy poles.

That's Zumba, isn't it? Or is that, um, Zamba.

Oh, that's that one, Zamba, isn't it, Danny?

No, Zumba is, like, a dance class

where you do all the Latin moves.

Me and Mum are addicted, aren't we?

- We go all the time. - Yeah, we do.

Bess, you should totally come with us!

Oh, my God, that would be so much fun.

- Bess doesn't like Zumba. - No, she doesn't like Zamba.

- Zamba. - Come, Bess!

Come and be a Wheeler girl!

Yay!

So finally they said, 'We'll let the uncle name the twins.'

I said, 'What do you want to name the girl?'

He said, 'Denise.'

I said, 'Oh, that's a lovely name.

What do you want to name the boy?'

He said, 'Denephew'.

- We're having kebabs, mate. - I'm hungry, Pop.

Why don't you fix your screen?

- What? - Denise, Denephew.

Good, isn't it?

Your iPhone. How can you stand it being busted?

It costs $100 to fix it.

Can you hit stop if the cheese starts exploding?

Look at those two there. They're really hitting it off.

DANNY, BESS: Yeah.

Kayne, why'd you put marker all over my good golf balls?

We had to see the engine.

Dad, we have to get the O-man into Team Wheeler.

He calls me the O-man. Can I get it on a T-shirt?

He is unbelievable with the engine.

He knows exactly what to do.

I took heaps of it apart all by myself, Dad.

- He did. - OK.

Ouch! I hurt my eye, Mum. Can you get the drops?

That happened to me one time with walnuts.

Are you serious? How did you do that?

Thank you.

- Do you want money for it? - I don't charge for family.

(Knock on door)

Hi, Amber.

I am... I'm really sorry about the Zumba thing.

I was just trying to fit in.

Stop trying to fit in 'cause you don't.

Well, how do you know?

Maybe I'm more of a Wheeler than you think.

You should have seen me on that hot lap.

- I really, really loved it. - So what?

Who wouldn't love a hot lap?

That doesn't make you one of us.

Really?

No, it's opposite day. I didn't mean it.

Yes, really.

I've read all that stuff about

nature versus nurture and guess what?

It's bullshit.

BESS: Well.

We shall see about that.

BRIANNA: We rocked that class. Bess, you were incredible.

Yeah, come on. To the Wheeler girls.

ALL: The Wheeler girls! - Amber.

Thing about us Wheeler girls... (Burps)

..we know how to hold our liquor.

Right. I'll get the next round.

(Poker machine ringing)

BESS: No, really.

Can you imagine if I had never met you?

I would probably have gone through my whole life

- without ever going in a V8. - That's so sad.

(Ringtone plays) - I know!

Whose phone keeps ringing and ringing? Is that...

Ooh, it's mine!

It's the cheese and kisses.

Hey, baby.

- OK, where are you? - I'm with the Wheeler girls!

Where are you?

I'm in the kitchen making dinner,

the early dinner that we agreed on

because we're going to parent-teacher interviews.

- Oopsy daisy. - Are you drunk?

Are you...

Just tell me that you're not drunk

and that you can get in a car

- and meet me straightaway. - Oopsy daisy.

Oh, come on. OK, OK.

OK. I get it, OK?

They're your family. I get that.

But what about this family, alright? What about me?

I can't believe I'm going to have

to face Oscar's shitty teachers alone.

Again. It was your turn!

No, you won't. I'll be there.

- I promise. - Oh, really? How?

I'm not inebriated.

I'm just overheated from the Zamba. The Zumba.

I told you mixing in their circles was a mistake,

didn't I?

You know you can't handle getting 'overheated'.

I will tell you what was a mistake.

Buying a two-litre engine. No wonder my car broke down.

Funny, it started when I tried it.

I can see now that it's underpowered,

given the weight of the car.

We should have gone with a V6 petrol.

Thanks for picking me up, Mum.

Darling.

Are we here? OK.

Where are you meeting Danny?

He has brought you a change of clothes, hasn't he?

I'll call you tomorrow. Love you.

You can't go in wearing a tracksuit, for heaven's sake.

You look like someone from Underbelly.

At least take those earrings out.

They're exactly the same type that Roberta Williams wore.

Oscar Bright.

That's ironic, isn't it? Bright.

Close. Irish, isn't it, Dad?

Right. Attendance. Let's see.

Well, I've marked Oscar as being absent

for much of this semester.

But I've been in every class!

Still.

(Commotion)

Oopsy daisy.

Ah, Zumba.

Hello. So sorry that I'm late.

I was in surgery. Hello.

- Have I missed much? - Uh, everything.

But you're here just in time for maths.

Ah! Have you told, um, uh...

- Mr Lloyd. - Oscar has a tutor.

His name's Conway.

But is Conway tutoring him in maths?

OK, look, we know Oscar's grades aren't perfect

but we really don't need the...

Oscar's grades actually are the least of your troubles.

Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd say.

What's that supposed to mean?

The school-issued laptops

have an inbuilt security system

which alert us when students access unsavoury material.

Well, that could be anything in this place.

What's he done, looked up the Greens home page?

Twice in the past fortnight,

Oscar's laptop has been used

to log into hardcore pornographic sites.

What, like, dirty stuff?

Dad, I promise, I never... I wouldn't!

Well, Oscar was clever enough to hide his visits.

Not clever enough to know about our software.

Did you say Oscar was clever?

Thank you, but we all know Oscar's not clever.

Oh!

He'd never be able to hide his searches.

- Conway. - (Gasps) Conway!

Sweetheart, did Conway show you anything

that he was looking at?

He told me to listen to my iPod

while he did my homework on my laptop.

He did your homework without you?

Why weren't his grades better?

I'm really sorry, Mum.

Oh, sweetheart, you don't have anything to be sorry about.

He's the one that has to be sorry.

Do you know what your problem is?

Should we be identifying problems?

You are so worried about marks, grades and... marks

that you don't see the whole person.

Look at Conway.

Yes, he has a university maths medal

but he's a dirty porn addict.

So there! Education is more than just aca...

- acada... academica... - Academia.

You sit here in your ivory tower,

which is not an ivory tower,

it's a classroom with very well appointed features

because the school fees are so bloody outlandish.

OK! On that note...

Half of my family did not even finish school

and they are happy and they are smart.

Oh, well, Amber's not.

Amber's not happy. But she is smart.

And my point is, my point is, school is not everything.

Yeah. That's why I'm leaving in Year 10.

- Yeah. What? - I'm gonna be a mechanic.

Mmm, no.

- Mechanic? - Kayne says I'm a natural.

We'll talk about this at home.

You'll be staying until Year 12.

Or now, if you want.

I can go to TAFE to do an apprenticeship when I'm 16.

- You won't be going to TAFE. - That's what I want to do.

I love cars.

Alright, alright, well, if you love cars,

then you can think about Engineering at Melbourne.

You said it didn't matter if people didn't finish school.

But I wasn't talking about us. I was talking about them.

BESS: No, don't wake me.

I might remember last night.

I'm trying to remember my favourite moment.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Falling over a chair on the way in.

Falling over the Principal on the way out.

I wanted to be a Wheeler girl.

While sending your son to Melbourne University?

- Is that what I really think? - Mmm.

I'm so confused. Who am I, Danny?

Well, last night you looked like a Wheeler

but you sounded pure Margaret.

I think it's going to take more

than a hot lap and a tracksuit to change that upbringing.

Oh, my God.

Oh, it's OK. Who cares?

Baby, you were being you, my gorgeous wife.

And when you stood up to that teacher,

you were being the best person in the world.

You were defending your son.

That was just before I crushed his dreams, right?

Just moments before.

(Revving)

(Honking)

AMBER: How much did that cost?

Must be nice to fork out $100 cab fares

whenever you get untidy.

La-di-fucken-da.

Oh, my God, Amber, I get it! I'm not like you.

(Laughs) I'm a doctor. I drive a European car.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying to find a way

to get close to my mother and father

and brother and sisters.

I don't know what you expect me to do.

It's not my fault that they gave... that I'm different.

That I didn't get to grow up like you.

(Banging on door)

Ever put this thing in sport mode?

What?

There's a sports gear on this model. I looked it up.

See the S on the shaft?

Whack it in that, you'll get tons more torque.

You'd like it. So, yeah.