Original subtitles

If you want to know who we are

We are gentlemen of Japan

On many a vase and jar

On many a screen and fan

We figure in lively paint

Our attitude's queer and quaint

You're wrong if you think it ain't

Oh

If you think we are worked by strings

Like a Japanese marionette

You don't understand these things

It is simply court etiquette

Perhaps you suppose this throng can't keep it up all day long

If that's your idea, you're wrong

Oh

Oh

If that's your idea, you're wrong

If you want to know who we are

We are gentlemen of Japan

On vase and jar On screens and fans

On many, many, many, many many, many, many, many a jar

Oh

Oh

Oh

Oh

On vase and jar On screen and fan

My son, you've had the misfortune to captivate Katisha.

She's misconstrued my customary affability into expressions of affection.

She claims you in marriage.

And I order you to marry her within a week, or - or -

I forget the punishment.

Oh.

Perish ignominiously on the scaffold.

But -

The sun, whose rays are all ablaze

With ever-living glory

Does not deny his majesty

He scorns to tell a story

He don't exclaim I blush for shame

So kindly be indulgent

But fierce and bold, in fiery gold

He glories all effulgent

I mean to rule the earth

As he the sky

We really know our worth

The sun and I

I mean to rule the earth as he the sky

We really know our worth

The sun and I

A wand'ring minstrel I

A thing of shreds and patches

Of ballads, songs and snatches

And dreamy lullaby

My catalog is long

Through every passion ranging

And to your humors changing

I tune my supple song

I tune my supple

Song

Are you in sentimental mood

I'll sigh with you

Oh

Sorrow

On maiden's coldness do you brood

I'll do so too

Oh

Sorrow

Sorrow

I'll charm your willing ears

With songs of lovers' fears

While sympathetic tears

My cheeks bedew

Oh

Sorrow

Sorrow

But if patriotic sentiment is wanted

I've patriotic ballads cut and dried

For where'er our country's banner may be planted

All other local banners are defied

Our warriors in serried ranks assembled

Never quail or they conceal it if they do

And I shouldn't be surprised if nations trembled

Before the mighty troops the troops of Titipu

We shouldn't be surprised if nations trembled trembled with alarm

Before the mighty troops the troops of Titipu

And if you call for a song of the sea

We'll heave the capstan round

With a yeo heave ho for the wind is free

Her anchor's atrip and her helm's alee

Hurrah for the homeward bound

Yeo ho, heave ho

Hurrah for the homeward bound

To lay aloft in a howling breeze

May tickle a landsman's taste

But the happiest hour a sailor sees

Is when he's down at an inland town

With his Nancy on his knees

Yeo ho

And his arm around her waist

Then man the capstan, off we go

As the fiddler swings us round

With a yeo heave ho and a rum below

Hurrah for the homeward bound

With a yeo heave ho and a rum below

- Yeo ho, heave ho - Yeo ho, heave ho

Yeo ho, heave ho, heave ho, heave ho

Yeo ho

A wand'ring minstrel I

A thing of shreds and patches

Of ballads, songs and snatches

And dreamy lullaby

And dreamy lullaby

Lullaby

Gentlemen.

I pray you tell me where a gentle maiden dwelleth named Yum-Yum - the ward of Ko-Ko.

And what may be your business with Yum-Yum?

A year ago, I saw Yum-Yum. We loved each other at once...

but she was betrothed to her guardian Ko-Ko, a cheap tailor...

and I saw that my suit was hopeless.

Judge of my delight when I heard a month ago...

that Ko-Ko had been condemned to death for flirting.

I hurried back at once, hoping I should find Yum-Yum at liberty.

It is true that Ko-Ko was condemned to death for flirting.

But he was reprieved at the last moment...

and raised to the exalted rank of Lord High Executioner...

under the following remarkable circumstances:

Our great Mikado, virtuous man when he to rule our land began

Resolved to try a plan whereby

Young men might best be steadied

So he decreed in words succinct

That all who flirted, leered or winked

Unless connubially linked

Should forthwith be beheaded Beheaded

Beheaded

Should forthwith be beheaded

And I expect you'll all agree that he was right to so decree

And I am right And you are right

And all is right as right can be

And you are right And we are right

And all is right, is right as right can be

And all is right as right can be

Right as right can be

And so we straight let out on bail a convict from the county jail

Whose head was next on some pretext

Condemned to be mown off

And made him headsman, for we said

Who's next to be decapited

Cannot cut off another's head until he's cut his own off

His own off His own off

Until he's cut his own off

And we are right, I think you'll say to argue in this kind of way

And I am right And you are right

And all is right, too-loorallay

And you are right And we are right

And all is right, too-loora-loorallay

And I am right And you are right

And all

Is right

Ko-Ko, the cheap tailor, Lord High Executioner of Titipu.

Why, that's the highest rank a citizen can attain.

It is.

That is Pooh-Bah.

Our logical Mikado, seeing no moral difference between the dignified judge...

who condemns a criminal to die...

and the industrious mechanic who carries out the sentence...

has rolled the two offices into one...

and every judge is now his own executioner.

But how good of you, a nobleman of the highest rank...

to condescend to tell all this to me, a mere strolling minstrel.

Don't mention it. I am, in point of fact...

a particularly haughty and exclusive person...

of preadamite ancestral descent.

You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back...

to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule.

Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable.

I can't help it. I was born sneering.

But I struggle hard to overcome this defect.

I mortify my pride continually.

When all the great officers of state resigned in a body...

because they were too proud to serve under an ex-tailor...

did I not unhesitatingly accept all their posts at once?

And the salaries attached to them?

- Oh. - You did.

A Pooh-Bah paid for his services!

I a salaried minion!

But I do it.

It revolts me, but I do it.

And it does you credit.

But I don't stop at that.

I also retail state secrets at a very low figure.

- For instance - - Any information about Yum-Yum -

Would come under the head of a state secret.

Another insult, and, I think, a light one.

Behold the Lord High Executioner

A personage of noble rank and title

A dignified and potent officer

Whose functions are particularly vital

Defer, defer

To the Lord High Executioner

Defer, defer

To the noble lord To the noble lord

To the Lord High Executioner

Taken from a county jail

By a set of curious chances

Liberated then on bail

On my own recognizances

Wafted by a favoring gale

As one sometimes is in trances

To a height that few can scale

Save by long and weary dances

Surely never had a male

Under suchlike circumstances

So adventurous a tale

Which may rank with most romances

- Taken from a county jail - Taken from a county jail

- By a set of curious chances - Liberated then on bail

Surely never had a male So adventurous a tale

Defer, defer

To the Lord High Executioner

Defer, defer

To the noble lord To the noble Lord High Executioner

Bow down, bow down to the Lord High Executioner

Defer, defer

To the noble Lord High Executioner

Oh, Pooh-Bah, Pooh-Bah.

It seems that the festivities in connection...

...with my approaching marriage must last a week.

Now I should like to do the thing handsomely, and I want to consult you...

as to the amount I ought to spend upon them.

Certainly. In which of my capacities?

As first lord of the treasury, lord chamberlain...

attorney general, chancellor of the exchequer...

privy purse or private secretary?

Suppose we say as private secretary.

Speaking as your private secretary...

I should say that, as the city will have to pay for it, don't stint yourself.

- Do it well. - Exactly.

As the city will have to pay for it - that is your advice.

Of course, as chancellor of the exchequer...

I am bound to see that due economy is observed.

Oh, but you said just now, Don't stint yourself. Do it well.

As private secretary.

And now you say that due economy must be observed.

As chancellor of the exchequer.

I see.

Come over here where the chancellor can't hear us.

Now then, as my solicitor...

how would you advise me to deal with this difficulty?

Oh, as your solicitor, I should have no hesitation in saying "Chance it."

- Thanks. I will. - If it were not that, as lord chief justice...

I am bound to see that the law isn't violated.

Now then, as first lord of the treasury?

Of course, as first lord of the treasury...

I could propose a special vote that would cover all expenses -

if it were not that, as leader of the opposition...

it would be my duty to resist it tooth and nail.

Or, as paymaster general, I could so cook the accounts...

that, as lord high auditor, I should never discover the fraud.

But... as archbishop of Titipu...

it would be my duty to denounce my dishonesty...

and give myself into my own custody as first commissioner of police.

That's extremely awkward.

I don't say that all these distinguished people couldn't be squared.

The matter shall have my careful consideration.

Comes a train of little ladies

From scholastic trammels free

And we wonder How we wonder

We wonder How we wonder

What on earth the world can be

What on earth

The world can be

Three little maids from school are we

Pert as a schoolgirl well can be

Filled to the brim with girlish glee

Three little maids from school

Everything is a source of fun

Nobody's safe, for we care for none

Life is a joke that's just begun

Three little maids from school

Three little maids who all unwary come from a ladies' seminary

Freed from its genius tutelary

Three little maids from school

Three little maids from school

One little maid is a bride, Yum-Yum

Two little maids in attendance come

Three little maids is the total sum

Three little maids from school

From three little maids take one away

Two little maids remain, and they

Won't have to wait very long they say

- Three little maids from school - Three little maids from school

Three little maids who all unwary come from a ladies' seminary

Freed from its genius tutelary

Three little maids from school

Three little maids from school

At last, me bride that is to be.

Oh, but you're not going to kiss me before all these people?

Well, that was the idea.

- It seems odd, doesn't it? - It's rather peculiar.

Oh, I expect it's all right. Must have a beginning, you know.

Well, of course. I know nothing about these things.

But I've no objection... if it's usual.

Oh, it's quite usual...

I think.

Eh, Lord Chamberlain?

I have known it done.

Thank goodness that's over.

- Nanki-Poo! - Oh, Nanki-Poo!

- I'm so glad! - I haven't seen you for ever so long!

I've come home for good. And I'm not going back anymore!

I beg your pardon, but will you present me?

Oh, this is the gentleman -

One at a time, please.

If you please. He is the gentleman who used to play so beautifully on the -

Oh, on the, uh - on the -

On the Marine Parade.

Oh, sir, I have the misfortune to love your ward Yum-Yum.

Oh, I know I deserve your anger.

You -

Anger? Not a bit, my boy.

Why, I love her myself.

Charming little girl, isn't she? Pretty eyes, nice hair.

Taking little thing altogether.

Very glad to hear my opinion backed by a competent authority.

Thank you very much. Good-bye.

Take him away.

Oh!

Yum-Yum!

Oh, at last we're alone.

I've sought you night and day for three weeks...

with the belief that your guardian was beheaded.

But now I find that you're about to be married to him this afternoon.

Yes.

But you do not love him?

No.

Oh, why don't you refuse him?

What good would that do?

He is my guardian, and he wouldn't let me marry you.

Besides, a wand'ring minstrel who plays a wind instrument outside teahouses...

is hardly a fitting husband for the ward of the Lord High Executioner.

Oh, but...

what if it should prove that after all I am no musician?

There! I was certain of it, directly I heard you play.

Oh, it -

But what if it should prove that I am...

...the son of His Majesty the Mikado?

- The son of the Mikado? - Oh! Shh, shh, shh!

But why is Your Highness disguised?

And what has Your Highness done? And will Your Highness promise never to do it again?

Some years ago I had the misfortune to captivate Katisha...

an elderly lady of my father's court.

My father ordered me to marry her within a week or perish on a scaffold.

That night I fled his court and, assuming the disguise of a second trombone...

I joined the band in which you found me.

Were you not to Ko-Ko plighted

I would say in tender tone

Loved one, let us be united

Let us be each other's own

I would merge all rank and station

Worldly sneers are naught to us

And to mark my admiration

I would kiss you fondly thus

- I would kiss you fondly thus - He would kiss me fondly thus

But as I'm engaged to Ko-Ko To embrace you thus, con fuoco

Would distinctly be no gioco

And for yam I should get toco

So, in spite of all temptation

Such a theme I'll not discuss

And on no consideration

Will I kiss you

Fondly thus

Will I kiss you

Fondly thus

Let me make it clear to you

This is what I'll never do

This, oh, this

Oh, this Oh, this

This is what I'll never, never do

This, oh, this Oh, this, oh, this

This

- Is what I'll never do - You'll never do

- I'll never do - You'll never do

Oh, this

This

Is what I'll never

Never do

I am the bearer of a letter from His Majesty, the Mikado.

A letter from the Mikado?

What in the world can he have to say to me?

Ah, here it is at last.

I thought it would come sooner or late - later.

The Mikado is struck by the fact...

that no executions have taken place in Titipu for a year.

And he decrees that unless someone is beheaded within one month...

the post of Lord High Executioner shall be abolished!

And the city reduced to the rank of a village!

There's no help for it.

I shall have to execute somebody at once.

The only question is, who shall it be?

Well, it seems unkind to say so...

but as you're already under sentence of death for flirting...

everything seems to point to you.

To - To me? Wh-What are you talking about? I can't execute myself.

Why not?

I don't see how a man can cut off his own head.

A man might try.

If he only succeeded in cutting it half off -

that would be something.

No. Pardon me, but there I am adamant.

I am afraid that unless you can obtain a substitute -

A substitute?

Nothing easier.

Pooh-Bah, I appoint you lord high substitute.

I should be delighted.

Such an appointment would realize my fondest dreams!

But, no, at any sacrifice...

I must set bounds to my insatiable ambition.

I am so proud if I allowed

My family pride to be my guide

I'd volunteer to quit this sphere

Instead of you in a minute or two

But family pride must be denied

And set aside and mortified

And mortified

My brain, it teems with endless schemes

Both good and new for Titipu, for Titipu

But if I flit the benefit that I'd diffuse the town would lose

Now every man to aid his clan should plot and plan as best he can

I heard one day a gentleman say

That criminals who are cut in two

Can hardly feel the fatal steel

And so are slain are slain without much pain

If this is true it's jolly for you

Your courage screw to bid us adieu

- I am so proud - My brain, it teems

- If I allowed my family pride - I heard one day a gentleman say

- To be my guide - For Titipu, for Titipu

- If I flit the benefit that I'd diffuse the town would lose

Now every man to aid his clan should plot and plan as best he can

And so although I'm ready to go

Yet recollect 'twere disrespect did I neglect to thus effect

This aim direct so I object

And so although I wish to go

And greatly pine to brightly shine and take the line of a hero fine

With grief condign I must decline

And go and show both friend and foe

How much you dare I'm quite aware

It's your affair yet I declare

I'd take your share but I don't much care

- I must - So I object

- I'd take your share but I don't much care - So I object

- I must - So I object

- I must decline - So I object, so I object, so I object

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock

In a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock

Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock

From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock

In a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock

Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock

From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block

A dull, dark dock A lifelong lock

A short, sharp shock A big black block

To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison

And awaiting the sensation from a cheap and chippy chopper

On a big

Black

Block

This is simply appalling!

Is this public gratitude?

What are you going to do with that rope?

I'm about to terminate an unendurable existence.

Terminate your existence? Nonsense!

What for?

Because you're going to marry the girl I adore.

Nonsense, sir. I won't permit it.

I am a humane man, and if you attempt anything of the kind...

I shall order your instant arrest.

Come, sir. Desist at once, or I summon my guard.

That's absurd. If you attempt to raise an alarm...

I instantly perform the happy dispatch with this dagger.

No, no! Don't do that!

Why, this is horrible.

You cold-blooded scoundrel.

Are you aware that in taking your life you're committing a crime?

Committing a crime which -

which -

The substitute!

What's the matter?

Is it absolutely certain that you're resolved to die?

Absolutely.

- Will nothing shake your resolution? - Nothing.

Then, if you really mean what you say,

...don't spoil yourself by committing suicide...

but be beheaded handsomely at the hands of the public executioner.

- I don't see how that would benefit me. - You don't?

Observe.

You'll have a month to live, and you'll live like a fighting cock at my expense.

When the day comes, there'll be a grand public ceremonial.

You will be the central figure.

No one will attempt to deprive you of that distinction.

There'll be a procession, bands, dead march, bells tolling...

all the girls in tears -

Yum-Yum distracted.

Then, when it's all over, general rejoicings...

and a display of fireworks in the evening!

You won't see them, but they'll be there all the same.

Do you think Yum-Yum will really be distracted at my death?

I'm convinced of it. Bless you, she's the most tenderhearted little creature alive.

I should be sorry to cause her pain.

Perhaps, after all, if I were to withdraw from Japan...

and travel in Europe for a couple of years, I might contrive to forget her.

Oh, I don't think you could forget Yum-Yum so easily.

And, after all, what is more miserable than a love-blighted life?

True.

Life without Yum-Yum.

Why, it seems absurd.

And yet there are a great many people in the world who have to endure it.

Poor devils, yes! You're quite right not to be of their number.

I won't be of their number!

Noble fellow!

I'll tell you how we'll manage it.

Let me marry Yum-Yum tomorrow...

and in a month you may behead me.

No. No. I draw the line at Yum-Yum.

Very good. If you can draw the line, so can I.

No! Stop! Listen one moment! Be reasonable.

She'll be a widow in a month, and you can marry her then.

Yes, that's true, of course. I quite see that.

But dear me. My position during the next month will be most unpleasant.

Most unpleasant.

Not half so unpleasant as my position at the end of it.

Yes, but dear me -

Oh, very well. I agree.

After all, it's only putting off one's wedding for a month.

But you won't prejudice her against me, will you?

You see, I've educated her to be my wife.

She's been taught to regard me as a wise and good man.

Now, I shouldn't like her views on that point disturbed.

Trust me, she shall never learn the truth from me.

To ask you what you mean to do we punctually appear

Congratulate me, gentlemen I've found a volunteer

The Japanese equivalent for hear, hear, hear

'Tis Nanki-Poo

Hail, Nanki-Poo

I think he'll do

Yes, yes, he'll do

He yields his life if I'll Yum-Yum surrender

Now, I adore that girl with passion tender

And could not yield her with a ready will

Or her allot if I did not

Adore myself with passion

Tenderer still

With passion tenderer still

Ah, yes, he loves himself

With passion tenderer still

Take her She's yours

The threatened cloud has passed away

And brightly shines the dawning day

What though the night may come too soon

There's yet a month of afternoon

Then let the throng of joy advance

With laughing song and merry dance

Then let the throng of joy advance

With laughing song and merry dance

With laughing song and merry dance

With laughing song

With joyous shout With joyous shout and ringing cheer

Inaugurate Inaugurate their brief career

With joyous shout and ringing cheer Inaugurate their brief career

With joyous shout and ringing cheer Inaugurate their brief career

Laughing song, merry dance With laughing song and merry dance

As in a month you've got to die

If Ko-Ko tells us true

'Twere empty compliment to cry

Long life to Nanki-Poo

But as one month you have to live

As fellow citizen

This toast with three times three we'll give

Long life

Long life to you

Long life to you

Long life

To you

Till then

May all good fortune all good fortune prosper you

May you have health May you have health and riches too

May all good fortune prosper you May you have health and riches too

- May you succeed in all you do - Long life to you till then

Your revels cease

Assist me, all of you

Why, who is this whose evil eyes rain blight on our festivities

I claim my perjured lover

Nanki-Poo

Oh, fool to shun delights that never cloy

Go, leave thy deadly work undone

Come back, oh, shallow fool

Come back to joy

Away, away, ill-favored one

Ah! 'Tis Katisha, the maid of whom I told you.

No, you shall not go

These arms shall thus enfold you

Away, nor prosecute your quest

From our intention well expressed

You cannot turn us

The state of your connubial views

Towards the person you accuse

Does not concern us

For

- He's going to marry Yum-Yum - Yum-Yum

Your anger pray bury for all will be merry

- I think you had better succumb - Cumb, cumb

And join our expressions of glee

- On this subject I pray you be dumb - Dumb, dumb

You'll find there are many who'll wed for a penny

- The word for your guidance is mum - Mum, mum

There's lots of good fish in the sea

On this subject we pray you be dumb Dumb, dumb

We think you had better succumb Cumb, cumb

You'll find there are many who'll wed for a penny, who'll wed for a penny

There's lots of good fish in the sea There are lots of good fish in the sea

There's lots of good fish good fish in the sea

There's lots of good fish good fish in the sea, in the sea, in the sea

In the sea, in the sea

Oh, faithless one

This insult you shall rue

In vain for mercy

On your knees you'll sue

I'll tear the mask from your disguising

Now comes the blow.

Prepare yourselves for news surprising

How foil my foe?

No minstrel he, despite bravado

Ha, ha. I know.

He is the son of your

O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to

In vain you interrupt with this tornado

He is the only son of your

O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to

I'll spoil

O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to

Your gay gambado

He is the son

O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to

- Of your - O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to

- The son of your - O ni, bikkuri shakkuri to

Oh, yar

Oh, yar

We'll hear no more, ill-omened owl

To joy we soar, despite your scowl

The echoes of our festival shall rise triumphant over all

Prepare for woe, ye haughty lords

At once I'll go Mikadowards

We do not heed their dismal sound

For joy reigns everywhere around

We do not heed their dismal sound

For joy reigns everywhere around

The echoes of our festival

Shall rise triumphant over all

- Shall rise triumphant - Shall rise triumphant

Triumphant over all

Shall rise triumphant over all

My wrongs with vengeance shall be crowned

We do not heed their dismal sound

For joy reigns everywhere around

We do not heed their dismal sound

For joy reigns everywhere around

- My wrongs with vengeance shall be crowned - We do not heed their dismal sound

- My wrongs with vengeance - For joy reigns every...

- Shall - ...where

- Be - A...

- Crowned - ...round

Braid the raven hair Weave the supple tress

Deck the maiden fair in her loveliness

Paint the pretty face Dye the coral lip

Emphasize the grace of her ladyship

Art and nature thus allied

Go to make a pretty bride

Art and nature thus allied

Go to make a pretty bride

The sun, whose rays are all ablaze

With ever-living glory

Does not deny his majesty

He scorns to tell a story

He don't exclaim I blush for shame

So kindly be indulgent

But fierce and bold, in fiery gold

He glories all effulgent

I mean to rule the earth

As he the sky

We really know our worth

The sun and I

I mean to rule the earth as he the sky

We really know our worth

The sun and I

Yes!

Everything seems to smile upon me.

I'm to be married today to the man I love best...

and I believe I'm the very happiest girl in Japan.

Well, dear, it can't be denied...

that the fact that your husband is to be beheaded in a month...

is, in its way, a drawback.

It does seem to take the top off it, you know.

I don't know about that. It all depends.

At all events, he will find it a drawback.

Not necessarily, bless you. It all depends.

Oh! I think it very indelicate of you...

to refer to such a subject on such a day.

If my married happiness is to be - to be -

Cut short?

Well, cut short in a month...

can't you let me forget it?

Yum-Yum! Yum-Yum in tears - and on her wedding morn?

They've been reminding me that in a month you're to be beheaded.

A month? Why, what's a month?

These divisions of time are purely arbitrary.

Who says 24 hours make a day?

There's a popular impression to that effect.

Then we'll efface it.

We'll call each second a minute - each minute an hour...

each hour a day and each day a year.

Oh, at that rate, we've about 30 years of married happiness before us.

Yes. How time flies when one is thoroughly enjoying oneself.

That's the way to look at it. Don't let's be downhearted.

There's a silver lining to every cloud.

Brightly dawns our wedding day

Joyous hour, we give thee greeting

Whither, whither art thou fleeting

Fickle moment, prithee stay

Fickle moment, prithee stay

What though mortal joys be hollow

Pleasures come, if sorrows follow

- Though the tocsin sound ere long - Ere long

- Though the tocsin sound ere long - Ding-dong, ding-dong

- Though the tocsin sound ere long - Ding-dong, ding-dong

Ding-dong

- Ding - Ding

Dong

Yet until the shadows fall

Over one and over all

Sing a merry madrigal

Sing a merry madrigal

Sing a merry madrigal

- Fa, la, fa, la - Fa, la, la, la, la, fa, la, la, la, la, la

- Fa, la, la, la, la - Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la

- Fa, la, la, la, la - Fa, la, la, la, la

- Fa, la, la, la, la - Fa, la, la, la, la

- Fa, la, la, la, la - Fa, la, la, la, la

Fa, la, la, la, la, la

Fa, la, la, la, fa, la

- Fa - Fa, la, la, la, fa, la

Fa, la, la

Fa, la, la

Fa, la

La

- Oh, go on. Don't mind me. - Oh, I'm afraid we're distressing you.

Never mind. I must get used to it.

Only please do it by degrees.

Begin by placing your arm around her waist.

No, no.

Not yet. Let me get used to that first.

Oh, wouldn't you like to retire?

It must pain you to see us so affectionate together.

No. I must learn to bear it.

Now oblige me by allowing her head to rest on your shoulder.

Like that?

I'm much obliged to you.

Now, k -

k- k-k -

kiss her.

Thank you.

Thank you.

It's simple torture!

Oh. Oh, come, come. Bear up. After all, it's only for a month.

No. It's no use deluding oneself with false hopes.

- What do you mean? - My child. My poor child.

My little bride that was to have been.

Was to have been?

You never can be mine.

- Oh! - What?

Oh, I'm so glad!

I've just ascertained that, by the Mikado's law...

when a married man is beheaded, his wife is buried alive.

- Buried alive? - Buried alive!

Buried alive.

It's a most unpleasant death.

- But whom did you get that from? - Oh, from Pooh-Bah.

- He's my solicitor. - But he may be mistaken.

So I thought. So I consulted the attorney general, the lord chief justice...

the master of the rolls, the judge ordinary and the lord chancellor.

They're all of the same opinion.

Never knew such unanimity on a point of law in my life.

But stop a bit. This law has never been put in force.

Not yet. You see, flirting is the only crime punishable with decapitation...

and married men never flirt.

Oh, I quite forgot that.

Well, I - I suppose I may take it that my dream of happiness is at an end.

- Darling - - Yes?

Oh.

I don't want to appear selfish...

and I love you with all my heart.

It makes a difference, doesn't it?

You see, burial alive - It's -

It's such a stuffy death.

I call it a beast of a death.

You see my difficulty, don't you?

Yes.

And I see my own. If I insist on you carrying out your promise...

I doom you to a hideous death.

If I release you, you marry Ko-Ko at once.

Oh!

Here's a how-de-do

If I marry you when your time has come to perish

Then the maiden whom you cherish must be slaughtered too

Here's a how-de-do Here's a how-de-do

Here's a pretty mess

In a month or less I must die without a wedding

Let the bitter tears I'm shedding witness my distress

Here's a pretty mess Here's a pretty mess

Here's a state of things To her life she clings

Matrimonial devotion doesn't seem to suit her notion

Burial it brings Here's a state of things

Here's a state of things

With a passion that's intense I worship and adore

But the laws of common sense we oughtn't to ignore

If what he says is true 'tis death to marry you

Here's a pretty state of things Here's a pretty how-de-do

Here's a pretty state of things A pretty state of things

- Here's a how-de-do - Here's a how-de-do - Here's a how-de-do

For if what he says is true I cannot, cannot marry you

Here's a pretty, pretty state of things

Here's a pretty how-de-do

Here's a how-de-do

If I marry you when your time has come to perish

Then the maiden whom you cherish must be slaughtered too

Here's a how-de-do Here's a how-de-do

Here's a pretty mess

In a month or less I must die without a wedding

Let the bitter tears I'm shedding witness my distress

Here's a pretty mess Here's a pretty mess

Here's a state of things To her life she clings

Matrimonial devotion doesn't seem to suit her notion

Burial it brings Here's a state of things

Here's a state of things

With a passion that's intense I worship and adore

But the laws of common sense we oughtn't to ignore

If what he says is true 'tis death to marry you

Here's a pretty state of things Here's a pretty how-de-do

Here's a pretty state of things A pretty state of things

- Here's a how-de-do - Here's a how-de-do - Here's a how-de-do

For if what he says is true I cannot, cannot marry you

Here's a pretty, pretty state of things

Here's a pretty how-de-do

Ko-Ko. Ko-Ko!

The Mikado and his suite are approaching the city -

and will be here in 10 minutes.

- The Mikado? - Mmm.

He's coming to see if his orders have been carried out.

Oh, I can't live without Yum-Yum. This afternoon I perform the happy dispatch.

Now look here, you know. This is getting serious. A bargain's a bargain.

As a man of honor and a gentleman, you are bound to die ignominiously...

at the hands of the public executioner.

Very well then.

- Behead me. - Ooh!

What? Now?

Certainly. At once.

Chop it off, Ko-Ko. Chop it off.

I don't go about prepared to execute gentlemen at a moment's notice.

Oh!

Why, I never even killed a bluebottle.

Oh, come, my poor fellow. After all, if I don't mind, why should you?

Remember. Sooner or later, it must be done.

Must it?

I'm not so sure about that.

What do you mean?

Why should I kill you when making an affidavit...

...that you've been executed will do just as well?

Here are plenty of witnesses the lord chief justice...

...the lord high admiral, commander-in-chief,

...secretary of state for the Home Department...

first lord of the treasury and the chief commissioner of police.

- Where are they? - There they are.

They'll all swear to it. Won't you?

Am I to understand that all of us high officers of state...

are required to perjure ourselves to ensure your safety?

Why not? You'll be grossly insulted, as usual.

Will the insult be cash down or at a date?

It will be a ready money transaction.

Oh.

Very good.

Choose your fiction, and I'll endorse it.

Ha-ha!

Family pride.

How do you like that, me buck?

But I tell you that life without Yum-Yum -

Oh, Yum-Yum, Yum-Yum. Bother Yum-Yum!

Take Yum-Yum, and marry Yum-Yum. Only go away and never come back anymore.

- Yum-Yum, are you particularly busy? - No.

Then go along with His Grace, the archbishop of Titipu.

- He'll marry you at once. - But if I'm to be buried alive -

Don't ask any questions! Do as I tell you.

- Oh, but one moment. You... - Not for worlds. If the Mikado finds you alive...

I shall have the greatest difficulty in persuading him I've beheaded you.

Well, now. Wait a minute. You have to give me a chance -

Miya sama, miya sama

On n'm-ma no maye ni

Pira-Pira suru no wa

Nan gia na

Toko tonyare, tonyare na

Miya sama, miya sama

On n'm-ma no maye ni

Pira-Pira suru no wa

Nan gia na

Toko tonyare, tonyare na

From every kind of man obedience I expect

I'm the emperor of Japan

And I'm his daughter-in-law-elect

He'll marry his son He's only got one

To his daughter-in-law-elect

My nature is love and light My freedom from all defect

Is insignificant quite

Compared with his daughter-in-law-elect

Bow, bow

To his daughter-in-law-elect

Bow, bow

To his daughter-in-law-elect

Miya sama, miya sama

On n'm-ma no maye ni

Pira-Pira suru no wa

Nan gia na

Toko tonyare, tonyare na

A more humane Mikado never did in Japan exist

To nobody second I'm certainly reckoned a true philanthropist

It is my very humane endeavor to make, to some extent

Each evil liver a running river

Of harmless merriment

My object all sublime

I shall achieve in time

To let the punishment fit the crime the punishment fit the crime

And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent

A source of innocent merriment of innocent merriment

The advertising quack who wearies with tales of countless cures

His teeth, I've enacted shall all be extracted

- By terrified amateurs - Yes!

The music hall singer attends a series of masses and fugues and ops

By Bach interwoven with Spohr and Beethoven

- At classical Monday Pops - Yes!

The billiard sharp whom anyone catches His doom's extremely hard

He's made to dwell in a dungeon cell

On a spot that's always barred

And there he plays extravagant matches in fitless finger-stalls

On a cloth untrue with a twisted cue

And elliptical

Billiard balls

Yes!

My object all sublime

I shall achieve in time

To let the punishment fit the crime the punishment fit the crime

And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent

A source of innocent merriment of innocent merriment

His object all sublime

He will achieve in time

To let the punishment fit the crime the punishment fit the crime

And make each prisoner pent unwillingly represent

A source of innocent merriment of innocent merriment

I am honored in being permitted to welcome Your Majesty.

I guess the object of Your Majesty's visit.

Your wishes have been attended to.

The execution has taken place.

Oh, you've had an execution, have you?

Yes.

The coroner has just handed me his certificate.

I am the coroner.

At Titipu, in presence of the lord chancellor...

lord chief justice, attorney general...

secretary of state for the Home Department...

lord mayor and... groom of the second floor front?

They were all present, Your Majesty. I counted them myself.

A very good house. I wish I'd been in time for the performance.

A tough fellow he was too, Your Majesty.

A man of gigantic strength.

His struggles were terrific.

It was really a remarkable scene.

Describe it!

Th-Th-The criminal cried as he dropped him down

In a state of wild alarm

With a frightful, frantic, fearful frown

I bared my big r-right arm

I seized him by his little pigtail

And on his knees fell he

As he squirmed and struggled and gurgled and guggled

I drew my snickersnee

My snickersnee

Oh, never shall I forget the cry

Or the shriek that shrieked he

As I gnashed my teeth when from its sheath

I drew my snickersnee

We know him well He cannot tell

Untrue or groundless tales

He always tries to utter lies and every time he fails

He shivered and shook as he gave the sign

For the stroke he didn't deserve

When all of a sudden his eye met mine

And it seemed to brace his nerve

For he nodded his head and kissed his hand

And he whistled an air, did he

As the saber true cut cleanly through

His cervical vertebrae

His vertebrae

When a man's afraid a beautiful maid

Is a cheering sight to see

And it's, oh, I'm glad that moment sad

Was soothed by sight of me

Her terrible tale you can't assail

With truth it quite agrees

Her taste exact for faultless fact

Amounts to a disease

Now, though you'd have said that head was dead

For its owner dead was he

It stood on its neck with a smile well-bred

And bowed three times to me

It was none of your impudent offhand nods

But as humble as could be

For it clearly knew the deference due

To a man of pedigree

Of pedigree

And it's, oh, I vow this deathly bow

Was a touching sight to see

Though trunkless yet it couldn't forget

The deference due to me

This haughty youth he speaks the truth

Whenever he finds it pays

And in this case it all took place

Exactly as he says

Exactly, exactly, exactly, exactly

As he says

All this is very interesting, and I should like to have seen it.

But we came about a totally different matter.

A year ago, my son, the heir to the throne of Japan, bolted from our imperial court.

Indeed?

Had he any reason to be dissatisfied with his position?

None whatever. On the contrary, I was going to marry him.

And yet he fled.

I am surprised that he should have fled from one so lovely.

That's not true.

No.

He's now masquerading in this town, disguised as a second trombone.

A second trombone!

Yes. Would it be troubling you too much if I asked you to produce him?

He goes by the name of, uh - of, uh -

- Nanki-Poo. - Nanki-Poo.

Nanki-Poo?

Oh, not at all. It's quite easy. Uh -

Th-That is, it's rather difficult.

In point of fact, he's gone abroad.

Gone abroad?

See here! His name! Nanki-Poo - beheaded this morning.

Oh, where shall I find another?

Where shall I find another?

Dear, dear, dear. This is very tiresome.

My poor fellow, in your anxiety to carry out my wishes...

you've beheaded the heir to the throne of Japan.

I beg to offer an unqualified apology.

I desire to associate myself with that expression of regret.

We really hadn't the least notion.

Of course you hadn't. How could you?

If a man of exalted rank chooses to disguise himself as a second trombone...

he must take the consequences.

I've no doubt he thoroughly deserved all he got.

We are infinitely obliged to Your Majesty.

Much obliged, Your Majesty.

Very much obliged, Your Majesty.

Obliged? Not a bit. Don't mention it. How could you tell?

No. Of course we couldn't tell who the gentleman really was.

It wasn't written on his forehead, you know.

It might have been on his pocket handkerchief...

but Japanese don't use pocket handkerchiefs.

I forget the punishment for compassing the death of the heir apparent.

Punishment.

Hmm. Yes. Uh -

Uh -

Something lingering, with boiling oil in it, I fancy.

Something of that sort.

I think boiling oil occurs in it, but I'm not sure.

And I know it's something humorous, but lingering -

with either boiling oil or melted lead.

Come, come. Don't fret. I'm not a bit angry.

If Your Majesty will accept our assurance, we had no idea -

- Of course. - I knew nothing about it.

I wasn't there.

Unfortunately, the fool of an act says compassing the death of the heir apparent.

Yes.

- There's not a word in it about a mistake. - No.

- Or not knowing. - No!

- Or having no notion. - No.

- Or not being there. - No.

- There should be, of course. - Yes.

But there isn't.

That's the slovenly way these acts are always drawn.

Now, let's see. About your execution -

Would after luncheon suit you?

Can you wait till then?

Oh, yes. We can wait till then.

Very well then. We'll make it tomorrow, after luncheon.

Um, I shan't want any lunch.

Well! And a nice mess you've got us into...

with your nodding head and the deference due to a man of pedigree.

Merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude...

to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative.

Corroborative detail indeed. Corroborative fiddlestick.

Oh, you're just as bad as he is...

with your cock-and-a-bull story about catching his eye and whistling an air.

But that's so like you. You must put in your oar.

But how about your big right arm?

Yes. And your snickersnee.

Yeah. Well, well - Well, never mind about that now.

There's only one thing to be done.

Nanki-Poo hasn't started yet. He must come to life again at once.

Nanki-Poo! Nanki-Poo!

- I'm a dead man, and I'm off for my honeymoon. - Oh, wait, wait.

Nanki-Poo! Nanki-Poo! I've good news for you.

- You're reprieved. - Oh, but it's too late.

Nonsense. A terrible thing has just happened.

It seems that you are the son of the Mikado.

Oh, but that happened some time ago.

Is this a time for airy persiflage?

Your father is here - and with Katisha.

- My father? And with Katisha? - Yes. He wants you particularly.

Oh! So does she.

- But he's married now. - Bless me heart. What has that got to do with it?

Well, Katisha claims me in marriage, but I'm married already.

Consequently, she'll insist on my execution, and my wife will have to be buried alive.

I don't know what's to be done.

There's one chance for you. If you can persuade Katisha to marry you -

Ah, but wait.

I can then come to life without any fear of being put to death.

I marry Katisha?

I really think it's the only course.

But, my good girl...

have you seen her?

She's something appalling.

Well, it comes to this: While Katisha is single, I prefer to be a disembodied spirit.

When Katisha is married, existence will be as welcome as the flowers in spring.

The flowers that bloom in the spring Tra-la

Breathe promise of merry sunshine

As we merrily dance and we sing Tra-la

We welcome the hope that they bring Tra-la

Of a summer of roses and wine

Of a summer of roses and wine

And that's what we mean when we say that a thing

Is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring

Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la

The flowers that bloom in the spring

Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la

Tra-la-la-la-la-la

The flowers that bloom in the spring Tra-la

Have nothing to do with the case

For I've got to take under my wing Tra-la

A most unattractive old thing Tra-la

With a caricature of a face

With a caricature of a face

And that's what I mean when I say or I sing

Oh, bother the flowers that bloom in the spring

Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la

Bother the flowers of spring

Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la

Tra-la-la-la-la-la

The flowers that bloom in the spring Tra-la

Have nothing to do with the case

For I've got to take under my wing Tra-la

A most unattractive old thing

With a caricature of a face

With a caricature of a face

And that's what I mean when I say or I sing

Oh, bother the flowers that bloom in the spring

Tra

Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la

Oh, bother the flowers of spring

Tra-la-la-la-la Tra-la-la-la-la

Tra-la-la-la-la-la

Katisha.

The miscreant who robbed me of my love.

But vengeance pursues.

They are heating the cauldron.

Katisha, behold a suppliant at your feet.

Katisha, mercy.

Mercy?

Had you mercy on him?

You have slain my love.

Well, he is dead, and where shall I find another?

It takes years to train a man to love me.

Where shall I find another?

Here.

Here!

What?

Katisha, for years I have loved you with a white-hot passion...

which is slowly but surely consuming my very vitals!

Ah, shrink not from me.

Kat -

Katisha, I dare not hope for your love...

but I will not live without it.

Darling!

You! You, whose hands still reek with the blood of my betrothed...

dare to address words of passion to the woman you have so foully wronged?

I do. Accept my love, or I perish on the spot!

Go to!

Who knows so well as I that no one ever yet died of a broken heart.

You know not what you say.

Listen.

On a tree by a river a little tomtit

Sang Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow

And I said to him Dickey bird, why do you sit

Singing Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow

Is it weakness of intellect, birdie I cried

Or a rather tough worm in your little inside

With a shake of his poor little head

He replied

Oh, willow -

Tit-willow, tit-willow

He slapped at his chest as he sat on that bough

Singing Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow

And a cold perspiration bespangled his brow

Oh, willow, tit-willow, tit-willow

He sobbed and he sighed

And a gurgle he gave

Then he plunged himself into the billowy wave

While an echo arose

O'er the suicide's grave

Oh, willow

Tit-willow, tit-willow

Now I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name

Isn't Willow, tit-willow, tit-willow

That 'twas blighted affection that made him exclaim

Oh, willow, tit-willow, tit-willow

And if you remain callous and obdurate

I shall perish as he did

And you will know why

Though I probably shall not

Exclaim as I die

Oh, willow

Tit-willow

Tit-willow

Ko-Ko!

Now then, we've had a capital lunch, and we're quite ready.

Have all the painful preparations been made?

Your Majesty, all is prepared.

Then produce the unfortunate gentleman...

and his two well-meaning but misguided accomplices.

Mercy for Ko-Ko. Mercy for Pitti-Sing.

Mercy even for Pooh-Bah.

I beg your pardon. I don't think I quite caught that remark.

Mercy even for Pooh-Bah.

My husband that was to have been is dead...

and I have just married this, uh, miserable object.

Oh. You've not been long about it.

No. We were married before the registrar.

I am the registrar.

I see.

But my difficulty is that, as you have slain the heir apparent -

- The heir apparent is not slain. - Bless my heart. My son!

And your daughter-in-law-elected.

Traitor! You have deceived me!

Yes. You are entitled to a little explanation...

but I think he'll give it better whole than in pieces.

Your Majesty, it's quite true that I stated that I had killed Nanki-Poo.

Yes, with most affecting particulars.

It's like this, Your Majesty:

When your Majesty says, Let a thing be done...

that thing is as good as done - practically, it is done -

because Your Majesty's will is law.

Your Majesty says, Kill a gentleman -

Well, a gentleman is told off to be killed.

Consequently, that gentleman is as good as dead -

practically, he is dead.

Well, if he is dead, why not say so?

I see. Nothing could possibly be more satisfactory.

With joyous shout With joyous shout and ringing cheer

Inaugurate Inaugurate their new career

With joyous shout and ringing cheer Inaugurate their new career

With joyous shout and ringing cheer Inaugurate their new career

With song and dance

With song

And

Dance

I WANT TO STATE RIGHT NOW THAT ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED IS NOT MY FAULT !

THERE'S ONE BRIGHT SIDE TO THIS THING, WALLY.

YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW WE'VE SOMEONE WE CAN PIN IT ON.

YOU'LL SOON SEE WHERE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THIS WHOLE THING LIES.

WHEN FINCH GETS HERE, I'LL DO ALL THE TALKING.

THIS IS A VERY SLICK YOUNGSTER, WALLY.

HERE HE IS NOW.

ALL RIGHT. MR. BIGGLEY, PLEASE-- I'LL DO ALL THE TALKING.

BY THE WAY, YOU HAVEN'T MET MR. WOMPER. THIS IS THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

HOW DO YOU DO, MR. WOMPER. MR. WOMPER-- NO SPEECHES.

IT'S ALL SETTLED. I WANT YOU TO SIGN A LETTER OF RESIGNATION...

IN WHICH YOU ACCEPT ALL THE BLAME FOR WHAT HAPPENED.

ROSEMARY. WHAT ?

ALL RIGHT, MR. BIGGLEY, I-- ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE GLAD TO SIGN THE RESIGNATION.

IS THIS ONE OF YOUR TRICKS ? NO, MR. BIGGLEY.

I'M THROUGH WITH ALL THAT. TH-THIS FIRM HAS BEEN PRETTY GOOD TO ME.

NOW, I'M JUST GOING TO RESIGN. I'M GONNA TAKE THE BLAME...

AND GO BACK TO WHAT I DID BEFORE I CAME HERE.

- WHAT DID YOU DO, FINCH ?

- I WAS A WINDOW WASHER. - NO KIDDIN' !

I STARTED AS A WINDOW WASHER MYSELF !

YOUWERE A WINDOW WASHER ?

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK I WAS, A RAIL-SPLITTER ?

COLLEGE MAN.

SO YOU WERE A WINDOW WASHER ? CALL ME WALLY. YES, MR. WOMPER.

OKAY, WALLY. WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME PONTY ? TELL ME, FINCH--

OKAY, PONTY. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I HAD ANYBODY AROUND HERE I COULD TALK TO.

HOW'D YOU HAPPEN TO GO INTO THIS BUSINESS ? WELL, SIR--

LET ME TELL YA, I HAD A BOOK-- ME TOO.

IT WAS A BOOK ON HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS.

MY BOOK WAS MORE USEFUL. I BOOKED BETS FOR ALL THE OTHER WINDOW WASHERS.

CLEANED UP A BUNDLE. SHOULD HAVE STOOD IN THAT BUSINESS.

EIGHT BUILDINGS WRECKED, OUR STOCK IS DOWN FIVE POINTS !

- WE'RE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE INDUSTRY. - UGH ! I KNOW, WALLY.

- IT'S GHASTLY. - PONTY, HOW DID THIS HAPPEN ?

I COULD UNDERSTAND A COLLEGE MAN PULLING A BONER LIKE THIS, BUT NOT NO WINDOW WASHER !

NOW, THIS IDEA OF YOURS ABOUT A TREASURE HUNT--

NOW, HOLD IT, WALLY. LOOK, IF THERE'S ONE THING THAT I WON'T DO,

IT'S TAKE CREDIT FOR ANOTHER MAN'S IDEA.

ESPECIALLY WHEN HE'S THE BOSS'S NEPHEW.

YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HIRED YOUR NEPHEW.

NEPHEW ? OH, NEPHEW. HE'S NOT REALLY MY NEPHEW, HE'S MY WIFE'S NEPHEW.

I NEVER SHOWED HIM ANY FAVORITISM. IN FACT, I HATE HIM.

BUT YOU LOVE HIS IDEAS. NO, WHEN HE TOLD ME THE IDEA, I THOUGHT IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA.

WHEN FINCH BROUGHT IT TO ME, I STILL SAID IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA.

IN FACT, I TOLD FINCH IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA !

WHY DID YOU BUY IT ? SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA.

TREASURE HUNT, TREASURE GIRL. FINCH DRESSED IT ALL UP.

HE CAN'T DENY THAT THE IDEA OF THE TREASURE GIRL... WAS HIS !

WALLY, THAT WAS MY IDEA. AND NOT A BAD ONE, PONTY.

BUT WHO THE HELL PICKED THAT BUBBLE-HEADED TOMATO ?

AHA ! DON'T GET ANY WRONG IDEAS, WALLY. SHE'S A FINE GIRL.

YOU SHOULD HAVE A TALK WITH HER.

I INTEND TO.

WELL, I THINK I GOT THE WHOLE PICTURE.

NOW, THE QUESTION IS WHAT TO DO AND WHO TO DO IT TO.

WALLY, BEFORE YOU MAKE ANY HASTY DECISIONS, I'D--

WELL, I'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS. ABOUT WHAT ?

ABOUT, WELL-- ABOUT HUMANITY. OH !

NO, LOOK, EVEN THOUGH WE'RE ALL PART OF THE COLD, CORPORATE SETUP,

DEEP DOWN UNDER OUR SKINS THERE'S FLESH AND BLOOD.

- WE'RE ALL BROTHERS. - BUT SOME OF US ARE UNCLES !

NOW YOU MAY JOIN THE ELKS, MY FRIEND

AND I MAY JOIN THE SHRINERS

AND OTHER MEN MAY CARRY CARDS

AS MEMBERS OF THE DINERS

STILL OTHERS WEAR A GOLDEN KEY

OR SMALL GREEK LETTER PIN

BUT I HAVE LEARNED THERE'S ONE GREAT CLUB

THAT ALL OF US ARE IN

THERE IS A BROTHERHOOD

OF MAN

A BENEVOLENT BROTHERHOOD

OF MAN

A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS

ALL HUMAN HEARTS AND MINDS

INTO A BROTHERHOOD OF MAN

?? YOUR LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP

IS FREE

KEEP A-GIVIN' EACH BROTHER ALL

YOU CAN

OH, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE

IN THAT FRATERNITY

THE GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN

NOW, WALLY, I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THAT BEFORE YOU CONSIDER FIRING MR. BIGGLEY.

WHO'S CONSIDERING THAT ? GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE !

YOU SEE, I KNOW WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND. YOU'D LIKE TO CLEAR OUT THE WHOLE PLACE.

FROM TOP TO BOTTOM.

IT'S THE OBVIOUS MOVE, BUT STOP AND THINK.

ONE MAN MAY SEEM INCOMPETENT

ANOTHER NOT MAKE SENSE

WHILE OTHERS LOOK LIKE QUITE A WASTE

OF COMPANY EXPENSE

THEY NEED A BROTHER'S LEADERSHIP

SO PLEASE DON'T DO THEM IN

REMEMBER MEDIOCRITY

IS NOT A MORTAL SIN

THEY'RE... IN... THE WE'RE... IN... THE

BROTHERHOOD OF MAN

DEDICATED TO GIVING ALL

WE CAN

OH-H, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE

IN THAT FRATERNITY

THE GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN

OW ! WHAT'D I DO ?

NO KIDDIN' ! IS THERE REALLY A BROTHERHOOD

OF MAN ?? YOU ARE A BROTHER

A BENEVOLENT BROTHERHOOD OF MAN

OH, YES, OH, YES A NOBLE TIE THAT BINDS

?? ALL HUMAN HEARTS AND MINDS

INTO ONE BROTHERHOOD OF MAN

OH, YES OUR LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP

IS FREE

KEEP GIVIN' EACH BROTHER ALL YOU CAN

OH, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE YOU, YOU GOT ME

IN THAT FRATERNITY ME, I GOT YOU

THAT GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN YOU

OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING

FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING

DOWN WITH DOUBLE-DEALING OH, BROTHER

YOU, YOU GOT ME

ME, I GOT YOU

YOU

OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING

FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING

DOWN WITH DOUBLE-DEALING

OH, BROTHER

YOU, YOU GOT ME

ME, I GOT YOU

YOU

OH OH, THAT NOBLE FEELING

FEELS LIKE BELLS ARE PEALING

DOWN WITH DOUBLE-DEALING

OH, BROTHER

YOU, YOU GOT ME ME, I GOT YOU

YOU YOUR LIFELONG MEMBERSHIP

IS FREE

KEEP A-GIVIN' EACH BROTHER ALL

YOU CAN

OH, AREN'T YOU PROUD TO BE

IN THAT FRATERNITY

THAT GREAT BIG BROTHERHOOD OF MAN

OH, MATT, MATT. OH, MATT. ANY WORD ?

SOMETHING BIG IS BREWING. OH, MISS JONES. WHAT'S UP ?

ALL I CAN SAY IS THERE ARE GOING TO BE SOME CHANGES. OH.

YOU HEAR THAT ? CHANGES.

BOYS AND GIRLS, BOYS AND GIRLS.

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE ? GATHER ROUND.

GATHER ROUND. I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

AS YOU KNOW, THERE HAVE BEEN A FEW CHANGES MADE AT WORLD WIDE WICKETS.

I'M SPEAKING TO YOU NOW IN MY NEW CAPACITY...

AS VICE PRESIDENT IN CHARGE...

OF EMPLOYEE MORALE AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ADJUSTMENT.

MR. TACKABERRY HERE IS NOW IN CHARGE OF PERSONNEL.

AND NOW, I'D LIKE TO HAVE YOU HEAR A FEW WORDS...

FROM OUR HARD-DRIVING, HARD-WORKING PRESIDENT.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU. BOYS AND GIRLS, I HAVE VERY GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.

I CAN TRUTHFULLY STATE THAT WORLD WIDE WICKETS IS NOW STRONGER THAN EVER.

AND MUCH OF THE CREDIT FOR THIS SHOULD GO TO A VERY LOYAL AND VERY ABLE YOUNG MAN.

COME HERE, FINCH. OH.

MOST OF YOU ARE AWARE THAT THIS YOUNGSTER'S RISE HAS BEEN RAPID.

FOR A WHILE I THOUGHT HE WAS AFTER MY JOB. AW.

LUCKILY FOR ME, HE DIDN'T WANT IT. NO, NO, J.B.

YOUR JOB IS MUCH TOO TOUGH FOR ME.

IF ANY CREDIT IS DUE, IT SHOULD GO TO A GREAT MAN AND A GREAT HUMANITARIAN,

I MEAN THE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD, MR. WALLY WOMPER.

HEAR, HEAR ! INCIDENTALLY, FOLKS, MR. WOMPER...

HAS HIS CHARMING NEW WIFE WITH HIM HERE TODAY.

LET'S GET THEM BOTH OUT HERE, MR. AND MRS. WOMPER.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, BOYS AND GIRLS. THANK YOU.

AND NOW, I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

AFTER 30 LONG YEARS OF SERVICE TO--

AFTER 30 LONG YEARS OF SERVICE TO THIS COMPANY...

AS CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD, I'VE DECIDED TO RETIRE.

MY WIFE AND I ARE TAKING A LONG HONEYMOON TRIP AROUND THE WORLD.

SWEETIE, WHAT A SURPRISE ! YOU DIDN'T TELL ME !

I DIDN'T KNOW MYSELF UNTIL FINCH HANDED ME THE TICKETS.

WELL, WHAT THE HELL.

IT'S NOT A BAD IDEA. I'LL CONCENTRATE ON YOU.

WALLY, WHO'S GOING TO BE THE NEW CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD ?

- AS IF I DIDN'T KNOW. - I'LL KILL MYSELF.

PONTY, IT'S YOUR BABY NOW. TAKE GOOD CARE OF IT.

I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD-- CONGRATULATIONS.

I'LL ACCEPT. MISS JONES WILL TAKE MR. FINCH TO HIS NEW OFFICE.

- RIGHT THIS WAY, PONTY.

HAVE ANY OF YOU GIRLS HEARD FROM ROSEMARY ?

SHE PACKED UP HER THINGS AT THE APARTMENT.

SHE LEFT WITHOUT A WORD. WE THOUGHT YOU'D HEARD FROM HER.

RIGHT THROUGH HERE, PONTY.

WELL, PONTY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ? LARGE.

SMITTY, YOU DON'T THINK THAT ROSEMARY WENT HOME TO HER MOTHER ?

SHE JUST HAS TO BE HERE. I MEAN, IT'S JUST-- IT'S JUST NO GOOD WITHOUT HER.

I'LL CALL HER FAMILY'S PLACE. MAYBE THEY'VE HEARD FROM HER.

LET ME KNOW, YOU KNOW, IF YOU HEAR--

GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING, ROSEMARY.

ROSEMARY, MAKE UP YOUR MIND. IN OR OUT ?

I HAVE OTHER CLIENTS, YOU KNOW.

I JUST COULDN'T LEAVE YOU. I'M STUCK WITH YOU, I GUESS.

I ADORE YOU.

OH. WOW. UH--

OH, THAT REMINDS ME. THEY WANT TO MAKE ME CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.

LOOK, IS IT ALL RIGHT WITH YOU ?

DARLING, I DON'T CARE IF YOU WORK IN THE MAIL ROOM, OR YOU'RE CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,

OR YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

I LOVE YOU. AWW.

SAY THAT AGAIN. I LOVE YOU.

NO, BEFORE THAT. ABOUT--

[ Hail To The Chief ]

GOOD MORNING, MR. PRESIDENT.

WE'LL PLAY IT THE COMPANY WAY

EXECUTIVE POLICY IS BY US OKAY

YOU'LL NEVER BE PRESIDENT BUT THERE'S ONE THING CLEAR

WHOEVER THE COMPANY FIRES

WE WILL

STILL BE

HERE