Original subtitles

- What are you doing? - Joining you.

Get in your own bed.

A kiss then.

No.

- One kiss. - No.

Good night.

Good night.

You're a witch.

Frankfurt?

New York.

Basel.

Sydney.

So you'll be gone a long time.

Very long. I'm leaving you, Cremer.

- Why? - You're a louse.

Loohman here. I'll keep it short.

We've rejected all your designs.

I spent four months working on them.

Then you wasted four months.

It's rubbish, Cremer.

You're an oaf.

You never look at me, you never caress me.

It's never my birthday.

You're useless in bed.

You stick it in, and within seconds it's over.

And then you run off to the toilet, because you have diarrhea.

My parents have never met you. Do you know why not?

I'm ashamed to introduce you.

At least two of those designs must be usable.

It's for the summer collection. We don't see any summer in them.

It's too extreme. It's avant-garde.

We want soft colors, soft patterns.

I'm coming straight over to defend my designs.

No, you're not.

You have one week to come up with at least one perfect design.

- What's your problem? - Nothing. You are the problem.

This is your last chance.

I'm going.

You don't understand why, do you?

I'm glad. I hope you never understand.

Turn that monkey music off.

Bleeding jungle bunny.

Jerk.

Shall we?

- Is this more of Cremer's stuff? - Yes.

Here we go again.

What does Cremer think? That he's an artist?

What the hell is this? It's rubbish.

Mind your tone.

He's talented, but he's got problems.

That much is obvious.

Who'd wear that?

- Is he a queer? - No.

- It's camp crap. - Being cheeky, De Vos?

Kick him out.

Shut up, or I'll kick you out.

I'm paid to give my opinion.

Cremer is a frustrated artist. Get rid of him.

What are we even talking about? Why is he using those loud colors?

He's toying with us. The whole fashion scene is pastel tints.

So Cremer is just toying with us?

Yes, I do. We gave him a simple job.

What good is a designer who doesn't deliver what you ask for?

If you ordered triplex from a wood shop

and you got eels, you'd say, "Get lost."

- It's crap, Loohman. - Oh, really?

- I think this is very good. - Really?

What's so good about it?

The color is nice.

It has character, without being loud.

The design isn't tied to a specific milieu.

It's cheerful, optimistic.

And it's a leaf design.

It's timeless. This is going to the printer.

- And then? - A summer dress.

- Who will design it? - De Vet.

Why are we even here?

We tell you what we think, but you don't listen.

We're here just so you can pretend there's a discussion going on,

but there's absolutely nothing going on here.

What you say goes, and that's final.

I don't feel like discussing this, Van Tilt.

You've got personal problems. That's why you're uppity.

What do you mean?

Your wife has left you, hasn't she?

Because she's bored.

Because you can't get it up anymore.

Filthy, rotten closet queen.

Calm down.

I only want what's best.

You're screwed, Van Tilt.

Here's wishing you rotten luck.

No Trespassing De Vet - Fashion Designer

Filthy bastard.

I want my clothes. I want to go home.

Eva, come here.

You're disgusting. You're a pervert.

Ah, come on. Tony is very sweet.

Sweet? You're crazy.

Tony is a person, only in a different form.

Come on, Tony. Where's the girl?

There's the girl.

Call him off.

Call him off.

Madam thinks she's too good for a pig.

Stupid bitch. Tony has made all my girlfriends happy.

I want my clothes.

Now.

- And the videotape. - It's blank.

- The tape, or I'll report you. - I'll wipe it.

I'll blow you to bits.

- Mr. De Vet? - From top to toe.

Here you go.

What a gorgeous dress.

- Which one? - The blue one with the leaves.

- Yes. Shall we? - It's not expensive.

Just a quick look.

It's a good fit.

Do you like it?

- Honestly? - Yes.

It's ridiculous. You're 61, Stella.

- This is a young girl's dress. - What do you think?

I think it makes madam look younger.

Do you mind if I help that lady? Then you can make up your minds.

- You really don't like it? - I told you.

I'll take it.

- Martin? - Yes?

Why is it so quiet?

It's not quiet.

It is quiet.

- I can hear all kinds of things. - That's not what I mean.

Your brother was here yesterday. All he did was talk.

He didn't say anything.

- He didn't say anything. - What?

Herman told funny stories. You even laughed.

To humor him.

You laughed very convincingly.

I was faking it.

- What for? - For Herman.

He's waiting to die.

Hermars waiting to die? What gives you that idea?

It's true.

He's a cheerful guy.

Don't you notice anything?

All our visitors are just waiting for the end.

The waiting bores them, so they tell funny stories.

I'm sick of hearing them.

Sweetheart, what's the matter?

Think of something. A plan.

Something we could still do.

You get these ideas because you're anemic.

Are we stupid?

You're not. I might be a bit.

Shall we have sex?

Wild sex? Something we've never done before?

- Tonight. - Tonight?

- Now. - During the day?

Hand over your money, or I'll blow you away.

- Who is it? - A charity collection.

- My money's inside. - Get it.

- What's it for? - The blind.

Sweetheart, what's wrong?

I don't feel well.

- You have to wash my dress. - Don't worry.

- The doctor says you need rest. - That's original.

The doctor is an idiot. Wash my dress.

Yes.

Now, or that stain won't come out.

Cold, and by hand.

- Help me. - Sweetheart, please.

- I don't want to. - Stella, love.

I'm so afraid.

Sweetheart.

Johanna?

It fell out of the sky.

Must be from one of the neighbors. Did it come from the left or the right?

From above. I'll ask around.

I found this dress in the garden. Is it yours?

- Are you missing a dress? - What kind of a dress?

- A blue one with leaves. - Leaves?

- Leaves. - Leaves?

From a tree. Or a bush.

Big leaves, small leaves?

- Big leaves. - Are they oak leaves?

She wants to know if they're oak leaves.

No.

- No. - What kind of leaves then?

- What kind of leaves? - Imaginary leaves.

They look like a fish skeleton.

Imaginary leaves. They look like a fish skeleton.

Is he from next-door?

- Are you from next-door? - From across the road.

- From across the road. - They collaborated.

- You collaborated in the war. - I'm the gardener.

- It's the gardener. - Is it your dress or not?

Is it your dress or not?

- Is it a summer dress? - Why don't you show it to her?

My wife is blind.

It is a summer dress.

It is a summer dress.

It is a summer dress.

- It is a summer dress! - I heard you.

- Why don't you answer? - I'm fed up with it.

She's fed up with it.

It's no one's.

- Give it to your wife then. - My wife is senile.

So?

A senile woman in a dress like that?

Don't you want it?

I'd love it.

It's gorgeous.

Cup of tea, please.

Thanks. Keep the change.

Good afternoon. Tickets, please.

- I don't feel well. - Again?

- Same old story. - Can I go home?

I can't very well say no, can I?

De Smet!

Go and see a doctor.

Look.

I'm hungry.

You're a great help.

Are you coming?

Herman?

Come to bed.

Be nice to me.

I'm going out for a while.

- Can I come? - No. See you later.

Poop.

It's not your scene. Just painters.

Herman?

Do you like me after all?

Yes.

My little painter.

How's your little paintbrush?

How's your little paintbrush then?

Fine.

Don't get angry.

Calm down, calm down.

Calm down now.

I'm just a ticket collector.

Will you please go away?

- Werert you enjoying it? - I thought you were Herman.

You also thought, "Hermars suddenly passionate."

Leave! Leave!

Calm down.

You're so beautiful.

What do you want?

I don't just jump into bed with any woman.

I love you.

- Do you hear me? - Yes, I hear you.

But I don't know you, do I?

- I already have a boyfriend. - That may be,

but someone nicer could come along.

- And that's you? - Yes.

- Are you on medication? - No. I'm normal.

Today I met the woman of my dreams.

And that woman is you.

Is this a bet? Is Herman behind this?

No.

What's your name?

Johanna.

I'm here because I have to be.

Because I love you. Really.

Under the bed.

- You still up? - I couldn't sleep.

What are you doing?

Just looking. I'll come in a minute.

- Go. Now. - A date.

- We must make a date. - Another time.

- A date. - Where?

The pumping station. Tomorrow at 8:00.

Go.

- You smell strange. - What do you mean?

You smell like an old goat. What is it?

- I can't smell anything. - But it's really strong.

- What the hell have you been doing? - Nothing.

- You've never smelled like this. - It's as if I stink.

- You do stink. - I think it's nice. Good night.

- Do you live here? - No. Come in.

- Coming? - Whose house is this?

Does it matter?

- Whose house is this? - A friend's. He's on vacation.

I don't know if I can do it here.

Of course you can.

What if your friend comes home?

He's in Spain.

Johanna, come on.

I don't even know your name.

Hans.

Come on now.

Do we have to do it here?

It's creepy.

Johanna, nothing's going to happen.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

- Someone's coming in. - Join me.

Someone's coming in.

Who is it?

Come on.

- A baby. We have to leave! - Just for a moment.

- No, damn it! - Yes, damn it!

You're mad. Where are we?

- Come here. - Where are we?

- Come to bed. - I want to go home.

- Let go of me. - Shut up. There's nothing wrong.

Stupid bitch! Are you satisfied? Get dressed.

What the hell is this? Who are you?

Don't get angry.

Your husband asked me to look after your house.

You're lying. I don't have a husband.

Get dressed.

Downstairs.

Sit.

Sit!

Stop them. Stop them!

Damn it.

Drive, please.

I'm being chased by a nutcase.

Please. Quickly.

Can I get out?

Can I get out?

Can I get out?

Please, don't. Don't.

I saved you. Don't I get a reward?

Don't be such a baby. A quickie, that's all.

Now what?

- I don't know. - I do.

You have to report it.

No, I don't want to.

Why not?

All that fuss -

- That humiliating fuss. - Don't report it then.

What is it?

Any old clothes? For Africa.

- It's covered in stains. - It's for Africa, right?

- How much is this? - Forty-five guilders.

- Bye. - Good luck with it.

Good afternoon. Tickets, please.

- Hello, Mom. - You're late.

- Notice anything? - You've got a new dress.

Yes. And?

Yes.

Bring the board in, will you?

We'll be back tomorrow around 4:00.

- Right, Harry? - Yes.

Look after the house, okay? And don't let the dog in the shop.

- If there's a problem, phone De Wit. - Yes.

- We'll be back tomorrow. - Around 4:00.

- Yes. - Yes.

Don't I get a kiss?

- And no parties. - If there's a problem, phone De Wit.

Love to Aunt Els and Uncle Wouter?

Yes, love to Aunt Els and Uncle Wouter.

Jesus wept!

- Nice way to leave. - Be nice to your mother.

She can't.

Anything I say is wrong.

Nice way to leave.

I can't leave like this.

Say sorry and give me a kiss.

Sorry.

And if there's a problem, phone De Wit.

Is this house for sale?

No, it's not.

Where did I get that idea from then?

Do the villagers make things up?

I'm thirsty.

Can I have a glass of water?

Please leave.

I'm not allowed to let anyone in.

Don't scream.

I said, "Don't scream."

You can trust me. I'm a nice man.

But you must do exactly as I say. Do you promise?

Do you promise?

I'll take my hand away and you'll be very quiet.

Agreed?

I'll go outside, knock,

and you say, "Who's there?"

Who's there?

You asked anxiously. I don't want that.

It must be hopeful. Understand?

Full of expectation.

Who's there?

It's me.

Are you pleased to see me?

Go and stand by the bed.

Go and stand by the bed.

And smile.

Smile at me. You're pleased to see me.

How were you born?

How were you born?

Do you mean, was it an easy birth?

- Were you born with your clothes on? - No.

How then?

- Naked. - What's that like, naked?

What do you want?

What's that like, naked?

Please leave.

- Show me. - What?

- What that's like, naked. - I don't want to.

Show me, damn it! Don't make it hard for me.

First your panties.

Now your dress.

Graciously, please.

I won't do anything weird. I'm normal.

Yes, that's right.

Slowly.

Lovely.

Now lay down

and say, "Sweet ticket collector, come to bed with me."

- What are you going to do? - Nothing you don't want me to.

I don't want you in my bed.

Am I unattractive?

Am I unattractive? Answer.

No.

Lay down and say, "Please come to bed with me."

Please come to bed with me.

I don't believe you.

Please come to bed with me.

I don't believe you.

Please come to bed with me.

I'm coming, my love.

And now?

Turn over with your back towards me.

Good night.

Are we going to sleep?

Yes.

Good night.

Are you home?

Yes, but I'm not in the mood for you.

- I'm in very good spirits. - Yes, I'd noticed.

All the worse. Then you blather on so.

That's a lovely little dress you're wearing.

Go sweet-talk your mom.

I'm here to tell you I had a nice day yesterday.

My memory doesn't go back that far.

Why are you acting this way? The sun is out, the birds are singing.

Get lost with your birds.

What's the matter?

The winter. I can smell the winter again.

The bloody winter.

May I come in?

I wish I were an alcoholic.

Everything is so clear.

So unbearably clear.

Come on, Marie.

Why the hell are we born?

That's a stupid question.

Because. That's why.

I've got no backbone.

That's what my mother used to say. "You have no backbone."

No backbone?

What's this here then? A sturdy little backbone.

I'm going to kiss you.

- I don't want you to. - A kiss.

A nice kiss, to give us strength.

- My mouth's dirty. - I don't care.

Just kiss me on the cheek.

That's not a kiss.

Come here.

I don't want to.

I'd better go.

Are you angry?

How's it going?

I'm so cold.

And I crapped my pants.

Marie, love.

I'll make a fire for you.

What about my pants?

We'll see to that later.

Bloody hell.

Bloody hell.

Put it out, please.

I'll get some dry wood.

You'll come back, won't you? I'm so cold.

You'll have a nice fire soon.

Look, dry as a bone.

Marie, move up a bit.

Marie, love.

I've got some dry wood.

Enough.

Listen, I have a hundred guilders.

It's yours in exchange for a small favor.

Get lost, pervert.

Would you do me a small favor for a hundred guilders?

Get lost, creep.

You'll get old and die, too, one day.

All the girls start cursing at me before they even know what I want.

Why?

You're very old.

Yes, and I hate it.

You look a mess, so there's no money in it either.

I've got a hundred guilders.

That's not enough. Seniors pay double.

- Seniors always get a discount. - I'm not a museum.

- I don't want what you think. - What do I think?

- Not for a hundred. - Just a small thing.

- What? - A French kiss.

- A French kiss? - Yes, a nice French kiss.

Do you have false teeth?

- Only the top ones. - No way.

Please.

- I'll brush my teeth. - There's no water here.

There's a fountain over there.

- A hundred? - A hundred.

You really have a hundred?

Show me.

Will you do me a favor?

A French kiss. Nothing else.

Yes, a French kiss.

But not too expertly.

As if it's your first kiss.

You're asking a lot.

- Another one. - No way.

Sit down over here.

Sit down.

Come along now.

Right. What do you notice about this painting?

- Egbert? - Gloomy people.

Gloomy people. What else?

- Melvin. - Gloomy colors.

Gloomy colors.

Are all the colors gloomy?

- Anne? - No, the dress is cheerful.

Yes.

What do you make of that?

A gloomy painting with a cheerful dress.

That's a -

That's a

contrast.

If you don't say it, then I will.

Do you have any idea what the painter had in mind?

A gloomy man, a gloomy woman,

a gloomy little boy, a cheerful dress.

Nobody? Shall I say it again then?

In comparison to the couple and the boy,

the dress seems to be laughing.

It's saying, "Chin up."

Don't be gloomy, couple. Don't be gloomy, boy.

Do the couple and the boy listen to the dress?

No. For them, the dress isn't there.

It doesn't actually exist.

The woman just put something on.

Just like the man and the -

Just like the man and -

I'm normal!

I'm normal!