All language subtitles for ThBiLe

See them tumbling down

Pledging their love
to the grou nd

NARRATOR: Way out West
there was th is fella.

Fella l wan na tell you about.

Fella by the name
of J eff Lebowski .

Least that was the handle
that h is loving parents
gave h im .

But he never h ad
much use for it h imself.

Th is Lebowski,
he called h imself the Dude.

Now Dude,

th at's a n ame no one wou ld
self-apply where l come from .

But then there was a lot about
the Dude th at didn 't make
a whole lot of sense to me,

and a lot about
where he lived likewise.

Drifting along with
the tu mbling tu mbleweeds

NARRATOR: But then again ,

maybe that's why
l fou nd the place
so darned interesting .

l know when n ight has gone

Th at a new world's
born at dawn

NARRATOR:
They call Los Angeles
the City of Angels.

l d id n't find it to be that,
exactly.

But l 'll allow there are
some n ice folks there.

Cou rse, l can 't say
l seen London ,

and l never been to France,

and l ain 't never seen no
q ueen in her damned u ndies,
as the fella says.

But l 'll tell you what,

after seeing Los Angeles
and th is here story
l 'm about to u nfold ,

well, l guess
l 've seen someth ing

every bit as stu pefying
as you can see in any of
those other places,

and in English , too.

So l can die with
a smile on my face

without feeling like
the good Lord gypped me.

Now, th is here story
l 'm about to u nfold

took place back
in the early '90s,

just about the time
of ou r conflict with
Saddam and the l raqis.

l on ly mention it 'cause
sometimes there's a man . . .

l won 't say a hero.

'Cause wh at's a hero?

But sometimes there's a man . . .

And l 'm talking about
the Dude here.

Sometimes there's a man . . .

Well, he's the man
for h is time and place.

He fits right in there.

And th at's the Dude
in Los Angeles.

And even if he is a lazy man ,

and the Dude was
most certain ly that,

q u ite possibly the laziest
in Los Angeles cou nty,

wh ich wou ld place h im
h igh in the ru n n ing
for laziest worldwide.

But sometimes there's a man . . .

Sometimes there's a man . . .

Well, l lost my train
of thought here.

But. . .

Hell, l done introduced h im
enough .

B USH ON TV: . . .with them all
for a collective action .

Th is will not stand .

Th is will not stand ,
th is aggression
against Kuwait.

Here on the range l belong

Drifting along

With the tu mbling

Tu mbleweeds

(YE L L l N G)

(D U D E EXC LAl M l N G)

(S P L UTTE Rl N G)

(GAS PS)

Where's the money,
Lebowski ?

l want that money,
Lebowski .

B u n ny says you ' re
good for it.

Where's the money,
Lebowski ?

Where's the fucki ng money,
sh ithead ?

(PANTl N G)

lt's down there somewhere .
Let me take another look.

Don 't fuck with us .

You r wife owes money
to J ackie Treehorn ,

that means you owe money
to J ackie Treehorn .

Ever th us to dead beats ,
Lebowski .

N o , don 't do . . .

N ot on the rug , man .
MAN : See?

See what happens , Lebowski ?
You see what happens?

N obody cal ls me Lebowski .
You got the wrong g uy.

l ' m the D ude , man .

You r name's Lebowski ,
Lebowski .

You r wife is B u n ny.

(STAMM E RS)

My wife? B u n ny?

Do you see a wedd i ng ri ng
on my fi nger?

Does th is place look l i ke
l ' m fucki ng married ?

The toi let seat's u p , man !

What the fuck is th is?

O bviously you ' re
not a golfer.

Woo?
Yeah .

lsn 't th is g uy su pposed
to be a m i l l ionai re?

WOO : F uck.

Yeah . What do you th i n k?

H e looks l i ke
a fucki ng loser.

H ey, at least l ' m housebroken .

F ucki ng ti me-waster.

Than ks a lot,
asshole .

(DOO R S LAMS)

(TH E MAN l N ME PLAYING)

La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la

La-la-la, la, la, la, la

La-la-la, la, la, la-la la-la

La, la, la-la

La-la-la

La-la-la, la-la-la

La-la, la-la

The man in me will do

Nearly any task

And as for com pensation

There's little he wou ld ask

Take a woman like you

To get th rough

To the man in me

Storm clouds are raging

All arou nd my door

l th in k to myself

l might not take it anymore

Take a woman like you r kind

To find the man in me

But, oh

What a wonderful feeling

Just to know that you are near

Sets my heart a-reeling

From my toes

Up to my ears

The man in me will
hide sometimes

To keep from being seen

But that's just because
he doesn't want

To turn into some machine

Take a woman like you

To get through

To the man in me

(WHOOPS)

l'm throwing rocks tonight.
Mark it, Dude.

WALTER: l'm telling you ,
this was a valued rug .
This was a. . .

Yeah , man . lt really
tied the room together.

This was
a valued . . .

What tied the room
together, Dude?
My rug .

Were you listening
to the Dude's story,
Donny?

What?
Walter.

Were you listening
to the Dude's story?
l was bowling .

So you have no frame of
reference here, Donny.

You're like a child who
wanders into the middle of
a movie and wants to know. . .

Walter, what's
the point, man?
There's no reason ,
here's my point, Dude.

There's no fucking reason
why these two. . .

Yeah , Walter,
what's your point?

Walter, what is the. . .

Look, we all know
who is at fault here.

What the fuck are
you talking about?
H uh?

No, what the fuck
are you . . . l'm not. . .

We're talking about
unchecked aggression
here, Dude.

What the fuck is
he talking about?
My rug .

Forget it, Donny!
You're out of
your element!

Walter, the Chinaman
who peed on my rug ,

l can't go
give him a bill !

So what the fuck
are you talking about?

What the fuck are
you talking about?

The Chinaman is not
the issue here, Dude !

l'm talking about
drawing a line in
the sand , Dude.

Across this line
you do not. . .

Also, Dude, "Chinaman"
is not the preferred
nomenclature.

Asian-American ,
please.

Walter, this isn't a guy
who built the railroads
here. This is a guy. . .

What the fuck
are you . . .

Walter, he peed
on my rug !
He peed on
the Dude's rug .

Donny, you're out
of your element.

Dude, the Chinaman
is not the issue here.

So, who. . .
Jeff Lebowski .

The other Jeffrey Lebowski .
The millionaire.

That's fucking
interesting , man .
That's fucking interesting .

Plus, he has the
wealth , obviously,
and the resources,

so that there's no reason ,
there's no fucking reason

why his wife should
go out and owe money
all over town ,

and then they come
and they pee on your
fucking rug !

Am l wrong?
No.

Am l wrong?
Yeah , but. . .

WALTER: Okay then .

(WALTER CLEARS TH ROAT)

That rug really tied
the room together,
did it not?

Fucking A.
And this guy peed on it.

Donny, please.

You know, this is
the fucking guy. . .

l could find this
fucking Lebowski guy.

H is name is Lebowski?
That's your name, Dude.

This is the guy who
should compensate me
for the fucking rug .

H is wife goes out and
owes money all over town ,
and they pee on my rug?

They pee on
your fucking rug?

Peed on my fucking rug .
That's right, Dude.

They peed on
your fucking rug .

This is the study.

As you can see, the various
commendations, awards. . .

"Jeffrey Lebowski ."
. . .citations, honorary
degrees, et cetera.

Very impressive.
Oh , please feel free
to inspect them .

Oh . No, l'm not really. . .
Oh , please. Please.

That is the key to
the city of Pasadena,

which Mr. Lebowski received
two years ago in recognition
of his various civic. . .

Oh ! That's the Los Angeles
Chamber of Commerce
Business Achiever Award ,

which is given . . .
Oh , not necessarily
given every year.

Hey, is this. . .

Given only when there's
a worthy somebody. . .

ls this him with Nancy?

Yes, indeed ,
that is Mr. Lebowski
with the first lady, yes.

lt was taken
when Mrs. Reagan . . .

That's Lebowski
on the left there?

Of course. Mr. Lebowski ,
on the left. . .
So he's a. . .

You know, a handicapped
kind of guy?

Mr. Lebowski is
disabled , yes.

This picture was taken
when Mrs. Reagan was
first lady of the nation .

Yes, yes.

Not of California.
Good shot.

ln fact, he met privately
with the President,

though , unfortunately,
there wasn't enough time
for a photo opportunity.

Oh , Nancy's pretty good .
Oh , wonderful woman .

We were very happy to. . .
These are. . .

Oh , those are
Mr. Lebowski's
children , so to speak.

Different mothers, huh?

No, they're not. . .
Racially, he's
pretty cool?

(LAUG H l NG)

They're not literally
his children .

They're the Little Lebowski
U rban Achievers,

inner city children
of promise, but without
the necessary means for. . .

Necessary means for
a higher education ,

so Mr. Lebowski is
committed to sending
all of them to college.

Excuse me.
Oh , geez.

Thank you . Thank you .

Far out. Think he's got
room for one more?
One. . . Oh .

You never went to college.

Please, don't touch that.
Oh , yeah , yeah .
No, l did ,

but, you know,
l spent most of my time

smoking a lot
of Thai stick,

(LAUG H l NG)
breaking into the ROTC
and bowling .

Tell you the truth , Brandt,
l don't remember most of it.

(SCOFFS)

(DOOR OPENS)

Okay, sir.
You're a Lebowski ,
l'm a Lebowski .

That's terrific.

But l am very busy,
as l imagine you are.

What can l do for you , sir?

Well , sir,
it's this rug l have.

lt really tied
the room together.

You told Brandt
on the phone.
He told me.

Where do l fit in?

Well , they were looking
for you , these two guys.

You know, they. . .
l'll say it again .

You told Brandt on the phone.
He told me.

l know what happened .
Yes, yes.

Oh , so you know that
they were trying to
piss on your rug .

Did l urinate on your rug?

You mean , did you personally
come and pee on my rug?

Hello ! Do you speak
English , sir?

¿ Parla usted inglés?

l'll ask you again .
Did l urinate on your rug?

No. Like l said ,
Woo peed on my rug .

l just want to
understand this, sir.

Every time a rug
is micturated upon
in this fair city,

l have to compensate
the person?

Come on , man .
l'm not trying to
scam anybody here.

You know, l'm just. . .

You're just looking for
a handout like every other. . .

Are you employed ,
Mr. Lebowski?

Wait. Let me explain
something to you .

l am not Mr. Lebowski .

You're Mr. Lebowski .
l'm the Dude.

So that's what you call me.
You know?

That or H is Dudeness,

or Duder or, you know,

El Duderino, if you're not
into the whole brevity thing .

Are you employed , sir?

Employed?

(CH UCKLES)

You don't go out looking for
a job dressed like that,
do you? On a weekday?

ls this a. . .

What day is this?
Well , l do work, sir.

So, if you don't mind . . .
No, l do mind .
The Dude minds.

This will not stand , you know.

This aggression
will not stand , man .

l mean ,
your wife owes money. . .

My wife is not
the issue here !

l hope that someday
my wife will learn to
live on her allowance,

which is ample.

But if she does not,
that is her problem ,
not mine,

just as the rug
is your problem .

J ust as every bum's
lot in life is his
own responsibility,

regardless of who
he chooses to blame.

l didn't blame anyone
for the loss of my legs.

Some Chinaman took them
from me in Korea.

But l went out
and achieved anyway.

(CH UCKLES)

l cannot solve
your problems, sir.
Only you can .

Well , fuck it.
Oh , fuck it.

Yes, that's your answer.
That's your answer
to everything .

Tattoo it on your forehead !

Your revolution is over,
Mr. Lebowski !

Condolences ! The bums lost!

My advice to you is to do
what your parents did !

Get a job, sir!

The bums will
always lose !

Do you hear me,
Lebowski?

The bums will
always lose.

How was your meeting ,
Mr. Lebowski?

Okay.

The old man told me to take
any rug in the house.

Well , enjoy.

And perhaps we'll see you
again sometime, Dude.

Yeah , sure.

lf l'm in the neighborhood ,
you know,

(SALSA MUSlC PLAYlNG ON RADlO)

and l need to use the john .

Blow on them .
H uh?

Go ahead . Blow.

You want me to blow
on your toes?

U h-huh .

l can't blow that far.

Are you sure he won't mind?

BU N NY: U li doesn't
care about anything .
He's a nihilist.

Oh , that must be exhausting .

You're not blowing .

Our guest has to
be getting along ,
Mrs. Lebowski .

Oh !

You're Bunny.

l'll suck your cock
for $ 1 , 000.

Wonderful woman .

We're all very fond of her.
Very free-spirited .

Brandt can't watch though ,
or he has to pay $ 1 00.

That's marvelous.

l'm just gonna go
find a cash machine.

(WHOOPS)

l'm slamming them tonight!

You guys are dead
in the water.

WALTER: All right!
Way to go, Donny!

(DOG WH l N l NG)
"lf you will it,
it is no dream ."

Fucking 20 minutes late, man .
What the fuck is that?

Theodore Herzl .
H uh?

State of lsrael .
lf you will it, Dude,
it is no dream .

What the fuck are you
talking about, man?

The carrier. What's in
the fucking carrier?
H uh?

Oh ! Cynthia's dog .
Think it's a Pomeranian .

Can't leave him home alone
or he eats the furniture.

l'm watching it
while Cynthia and Marty
Ackerman are in Hawaii .

You brought a fucking
Pomeranian bowling?

What do you mean ,
brought it bowling?

l didn't rent it shoes.
l'm not buying it
a fucking beer.

He's not taking your
fucking turn , Dude.

Man , if my fucking ex-wife
asked me to take care of
her fucking dog

while she and her boyfriend
went to Honolulu ,

l'd tell her to
go fuck herself.
Why can't she board it?

First of all , Dude,
you don't have an ex.

Secondly, this is
a fucking show dog
with fucking papers.

You can't board it.
lt gets upset.
lts hair falls out.

Walter. . .
Fucking dog has
fucking papers.

Over the line !
H uh?

l'm sorry, Smokey.
You were over the line.
That's a foul .

Bullshit. Mark it eight, Dude.

Excuse me. Mark it zero.
Next frame.

Bullshit, Walter.
Mark it eight, Dude.

Smokey, this is not Nam .
This is bowling .
There are rules.

Hey, Walter, come on .
Hey, man , it's Smokey.

So his toe slipped over
a little, you know.

lt's just a game, man .
This is a league game.

This determines who enters
the next round robin .

Am l wrong?
SMOKEY: Yeah , but l wasn't. . .

Am l wrong?
Yeah , but l wasn't over.

Give me the marker, Dude.
l'm marking an eight.

Smokey, my friend ,

you're entering
a world of pain .
Walter, man .

You mark that frame an
eight, you're entering
a world of pain .

l'm not. . .
A world of pain .

Look, Dude,
this is your partner.

Has the whole world
gone crazy?

Am l the only one
around here who gives
a shit about the rules?

Mark it zero !

(DOG BARKl NG)
They're calling the cops, man .
Put the piece away.

Mark it zero !
DU DE: Walter,
put the piece away.

Walter.
You think l'm fucking
around here?

Mark it zero !

All right. lt's fucking zero.

You happy,
you crazy fuck?

lt's a league game,
Smokey.

(DOG BARKl NG)
You can't do that, man .

These guys, you know,
they're like me,
they're pacifists.

Smokey was a
conscientious objector.

You know, Dude,
l myself dabbled in
pacifism at one point.

Not in Nam , of course.

And you know he's got
emotional problems, man .

You mean , beyond pacifism?

He's fragile.
He's very fragile.

l did not know that.

Well , it's all water
under the bridge.

And we do enter
the next round robin .

Am l wrong?
No, you're not wrong .

Am l wrong?
You're not wrong , Walter.

You're just an asshole.

(Sl REN WAl Ll NG)
Okay then .

Play Quintana and
O'Brien next week.

They should be pushovers.

Man , would you just. . .

J ust take it easy, man .

You know, that's your answer
for everything , Dude.

Let me point out something .
Pacifism is not. . .

Look at our current
situation with that
camel fucker in lraq .

Pacifism is not something
to hide behind .

J ust take it easy, man .

l'm perfectly calm , Dude.

Yeah , waving the
fucking gun around?
Calmer than you are.

Will you just take it easy?

Calmer than you are.

(ANSWERl NG MACH l N E BEEPS)

SMOKEY ON MACHlNE:
Dude, this is Smokey.

Look, l don't wanna be
a hard-on about this,

and l know
it wasn't your fault,

but l just thought
it was fair to tell you

that Gilbert and l will be
submitting this to the league

and asking them
to set aside the round.

l don't know,
maybe forfeit it to us.

So, like l say, just thought,
you know, fair warning.

Tell Walter.

l'm sorry.

(BEEPS)

Mr. Lebowski,
this is Brandt at. . .

Well, at Mr. Lebowski's
office.

Please call us
as soon as it's convenient.

(BEEPS)

Mr. Lebowski,
this is Mel Zelnicker

of the Southern Cal
Bowling League.

l just got an informal report
that a member of your team,
a Walter Sobchak,

drew a firearm
during league play.

(KNOCKl NG ON DOOR)
lf this is true, of course,

it contravenes a number of
the league's bylaws

and also article 27
of the league. . .

Dude.
Hey, Marty.

Dude, l finally got. . .

l got the venue l wanted .

l'm performing
my dance quintet,
you know, my cycle,

at Crane Jackson's
Fountain Street Theater
on Tuesday night.

And , well , l'd love it if
you came and gave me notes.

l'll be there, man .

Dude, tomorrow's
already the tenth .

Far out.

Oh . Oh , all right. Okay.

J ust slip the rent
under my door.

ZELNlCKER ON MACHlNE:
. . .serious infraction
and examine your standing.

Thank you.

(BEEPS)

Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again.

Please do call us
as soon as you get in
and l'll send the limo.

l hope you're not avoiding
this call because of the rug,

which l assure you
is not a problem.

We need your help, and. . .

Well, we would very
much like to see you.
Thank you. lt's Brandt.

(BEEPS)

We've had some
terrible news.

Mr. Lebowski's in seclusion
in the west wing .

Mr. Lebowski .

Funny.

l can look back on
a life of achievement,

challenges met,

competitors bested ,

obstacles overcome.

l've accomplished
more than most men

and without
the use of my legs.

What makes a man ,
Mr. Lebowski?

Dude.
H uh?

Oh , l don't know, sir.

ls it being prepared
to do the right thing ,

whatever the cost?

lsn't that what
makes a man?

Sure, that and
a pair of testicles.

You're joking ,

but perhaps you're right.

You mind if l do a Jay?

Bunny.

Excuse me?

Bunny Lebowski .

She is the light of my life.

Are you surprised
at my tears, sir?

Oh , fucking A.

Strong men also cry.

(CLEARS TH ROAT)

LEBOWSKl : l received
this fax this morning .

As you can see,
it is a ransom note.

DUDE: "We have Bunny. "

Written by men who were
unable to achieve on a
level field of play.

"Gather $1 million. . . "

Cowards !
". . . in unmarked,
nonconsecutive 20s."

Weaklings !
"Await instructions."

Bums !
"No funny stuff. "

Bummer.
H uh?

This is a bummer, man .
That's. . . That's a bummer.

Brandt will fill you in
on the details.

Mr. Lebowski is prepared
to make a generous offer
to you to act as courier

once we get instructions
for the money.

Why me, man?

He believes the culprits
might be the very people
who soiled your rug

and you are in a unique
position to confirm or
disconfirm that suspicion .

He thinks the carpet pissers
did this?

Well , Dude,
we just don't know.

(LATlNO MUSlC PLAYlNG)

Welcome to the
Hotel California

Such a lovely place

Fucking Quintana.

That creep can roll , man .

Yeah , but he's
a pervert, Dude.
Yeah .

No, he's a sex offender
with a record .

He did six months in Chino
for exposing himself
to an eight-year-old .

(Pl NS FALLl NG)

WALTER: When he moved
to Hollywood, he had
to go door-to-door

to tell everyone
he was a pederast.

DONNY: What's a
pederast, Walter?
Shut the fuck up, Donny.

So, how much
did he give you?

20 grand , man .
And , of course,
l still get to keep the rug .

J ust for making
a hand-off?
Yeah .

(BEEPS)
They gave Dude a beeper.

So whenever
these guys call . . .
What if it's
during a game?

Oh , l told them
if it was during
league play. . .

What's during
league play?

Life does not
stop and start
at your convenience,

you miserable
piece of shit.

l figure. . .
What's wrong with
Walter, Dude?

l figure
it's easy money, you know.
lt's all pretty harmless.

She probably
kidnapped herself.

What do you mean , Dude?
Rug-peers did not do this.

Look at it. A young
trophy wife marries
this guy for his money.

She figures he isn't
giving her enough ,
you know.

She owes money
all over town .

That fucking bitch !

lt's all a goddamn
fake, man .

lt's like Lenin said ,

you look for the person
who will benefit
and , you know. . .

l Am the Walrus?
You know, you'll . . .

You know what
l'm trying to say.
l Am the Walrus.

That fucking bitch !
Oh , yeah !

l Am the Walrus.
That's. . .

Shut the fuck up,
Donny!

V. l . Lenin , Vladimir
llyich U lyanov!

What the fuck is
he talking about?

Fucking exactly what
happened to those. . .

WALTER: That makes me
fucking sick!

DU DE: Well , what do
you care, Walter?
Those rich fucks.

This whole fucking thing .

l did not watch my buddies
die face down in the muck

so that this
fucking strumpet,

this fucking whore,
could waltz around . . .

l don't see any connection
with Vietnam , man .

Well , there isn't a
literal connection ,
Dude.

No, Walter, face it,
there isn't any connection .

Your roll .
Have it your way.

Your roll .
But my point is. . .

My point is. . .
QU l NTANA: Are you ready
to be fucked , man?

l see you rolled your way
into the semis.

Dios mío, man.

Liam and me,
we're gonna fuck you up.

Yeah? Well , you know,
that's just like
your opinion , man .

Let me tell you
something, pendejo.

You pull any of your
crazy shit with us,

you flash a piece out
on the lanes,

l'll take it away from you
and stick it up your ass

and pull the fucking trigger
till it goes click.

Jesus.

You said it, man.

Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

Eight-year-olds, Dude.

(PlNS FALLlNG)

(MEN EXCLAlMlNG)

(THE MAN lN ME PLAYING)

La-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la

La-la-la, la, la, la, la

La-la, la-la

La-la-la

La-la-la, la-la-la

La-la, la-la

The man in me will do

Nearly any task

And as for compensation

There's little he would ask

(SCREAMlNG)

Take a woman like you

To get through

To the man in me

Storm clouds are raging

All around my door

l think to myself

l might not take it anymore

Take a woman like your kind

To find the man in me

But, oh

(BEEPER BEEPlNG)

What a wonderful feeling

Just to know

That you are near

(GROANS)

Sets my heart a-reeling

(MUTTERlNG)

From my toes

Up to my ears

The man in me
will hide sometimes

BRANDT: They called
about 80 minutes ago.

They want you
to take the money,
drive north on the 405.

They will call you
on the portable phone

with instructions
in about 40 minutes.

One person only.

They were very clear on that,
or l'd go with you.
One person only.

What happened
to your jaw?
Oh, nothing, man.

Here's the money.

And the phone.

Please, Dude, follow
whatever instructions
they give.

All right.
Her life is in your hands.

Man, don't say that.

Mr. Lebowski
asked me to repeat that,
her life is in your hands.

Oh, shit, man.

Her life is in
your hands, Dude.

Report back to us
as soon as it's done.

Where the fuck
are you going, man?
Take the ringer,
l'll drive.

The what?
The ringer.

The ringer, Dude.

DUDE: What the. . .
Have they called yet?

What the hell is this?

My dirty undies, Dude.
The laundry. The whites.

Walter, l'm sure there's
a reason you brought
your dirty undies, man.

That's right, Dude.
The weight.

The ringer cannot look empty.

Walter, what the fuck
are you thinking, man?

You're right, Dude.
l got to thinking.

l got to thinking,
why should we settle for
a measly fucking 20 grand. . .

We? What the fuck, "we"?
You said you just wanted
to come along.

My point, Dude,
is why should we
settle for 20 grand

when we can keep
the entire million?
Am l wrong?

Yes, you're wrong. This
isn't a fucking game, man.

Oh, but it is a game.
You said so yourself.

She kidnapped herself.
l said l thought. . .

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Dude, here.
MAN: (WlTH GERMAN ACCENT)
Who is this?

Dude. The bagman, man.
Where do you want us to go?

Us?

Shit!

Yeah, you know,
me and the driver.

l'm not handling the money,
driving the car and talking
on the phone all by my. . .

Shut the fuck up!

Dude, are you
fucking this up?
Who is that?

That is the driver.
l told you. . .

(DlAL TONE HUMS)

Oh, shit!
What the fuck's going on?

Walter. . .
What the fuck is going on?

He hung up, man.
You fucked it up.
You fucked it up!

Her life was in
our hands, man.
Easy, Dude.

We're screwed now.
We don't get shit.
They're gonna kill her.

We're fucked, Walter.
Nothing is fucked, Dude.

Come on.
You're being very un-Dude.

They'll call back.
Look, she kidnapped. . .

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

You see? Nothing's
fucked here, Dude.

Nothing is fucked.
They're a bunch of
fucking amateurs.

Walter, will you just
shut the fuck up?

Don't say peep while
l'm doing business here, man.

Okay, Dude.
Have it your way.

But they're amateurs.
Fuck.

Dude.

MAN: Okay, we proceed
but only if there
is no funny stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

So no funny stuff. Okay?

Just tell me where the fuck
you want us to go.

That was the sign, man.

So, all we gotta do
is get her back.

No one's in a position
to complain.

We keep the baksheesh.
Yeah, terrific, Walter.

But you haven't told me
how we're gonna get her
back. Where is she?

That's the simple part, Dude.

We make the hand-off,
l grab one of them and
beat it out of him. Huh?

That's a great plan, Walter.

That's fucking ingenious,
if l understand it correctly.

lt's a Swiss fucking watch.

That's right, Dude.
The beauty of this
is its simplicity.

Once a plan gets too complex,
everything can go wrong.

lf there's one thing
l learned in Nam. . .

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Dude.

MAN: You are coming
to wooden bridge.

When you cross the bridge,

you throw the bag
from the left window
of the moving car.

You're being watched.

(DlAL TONE HUMS)

Fuck.
What'd he say?
Where's the hand-off?

There is no fucking
hand-off, man.

At the wooden bridge
we throw the money
out of the car.

We throw the money
out of the moving car.

We can't do that, Dude.
That fucks up our plan.

Well, call them up
and explain it
to them, Walter.

Your plan is so
fucking simple,

l'm sure they'll
fucking understand it.

That's the beauty of it.

WALTER: Wooden
bridge, huh?
Throw them the money, Walter.

We're not fucking around, man.

Okay, Dude, the bridge
is coming up. Give me
the ringer, chop-chop.

Fuck that.
Walter, l love you,

but sooner or later you're
gonna have to face the fact
you're a goddamn moron.

Okay, Dude. No time to argue.
Hey, man !

Here's the bridge.
Hey, Walter! Hey, Walter!

Hey, Walter!
Here goes the ringer!

What the fuck?
Okay, Dude, you're wheel.

Hey, man, what the fuck?
At 1 5 mph, l roll out.

l double back,
grab one of them
and beat it out of him.

The Uzi.
Uzi.

You didn't think l was
rolling out of here
naked, did you?

Walter, please!
Fifteen, Dude! This is it!
Let's take that hill !

Walter!

(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

(BlKE ENGlNES REVVlNG)

(MOANlNG)

We have it!

(PANTlNG)

Fuck it, Dude.

Let's go bowling.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

(PlNS FALLlNG)

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Aitz chaim he, Dude,
as the ex used to say.

What the fuck is that
supposed to mean?

What the fuck are we
gonna tell Lebowski?

Oh, him.

l don't know.
What exactly
is the problem?

The problem is. . .

What do you mean,
what's the. . .

There was no. . .

We didn't. . .

They're gonna kill
that poor woman, man !

What the fuck
are you talking about?

The poor woman,
that poor slut
kidnapped herself.

Come on, Dude.
You said so yourself.

Man, l said l thought
she kidnapped herself.

You're the one who's
so fucking certain.

That's right, Dude.
1 00% certain.

They posted the next round
for the tournament.

Donny, shut the fuck. . .

When do we play?
This Saturday. Quintana and. . .

Saturday? Well, they'll
have to reschedule.

Walter, what am l
gonna tell Lebowski?

l told that fuck
down at the league office.
Who's in charge of scheduling?

Walter!
Burkhalter.

l told that kraut
a fucking thousand times,
l don't roll on shabbos!

Walter!
They already posted it.

Well, they can
fucking un-post it!

Who gives a shit?
They're gonna kill
that poor woman, man !

What am l gonna
tell Lebowski?
Come on, Dude.

Eventually she'll get tired
of her little game and,
you know, wander on back.

How come you don't roll
on Saturday, Walter?

I'm shomer shabbos.

What's that, Walter?
Yeah, and in
the meantime,

what do l tell Lebowski?

Saturday, Donny, is shabbos,
the Jewish day of rest.

That means l don't work,
l don't drive a car,

l don't fucking
ride in a car,

l don't handle money,
l don't turn on the oven

and l sure as shit
don't fucking roll !

Sheesh.

Shomer shabbos!

Walter, how am l gonna. . .
Shomer fucking shabbos!

Oh, fuck! That's it.
l'm out of here.
Oh, come on, Dude.

(lNAUDlBLE)

Dude! Dude!

You just tell him. . .

Tell him we made the drop
and everything went,
you know. . .

Oh, yeah.
How'd it go?

Went all right.
Dude's car got
a little dinged up.

Walter, we didn't make
the fucking hand-off, man !

They didn't get
the fucking money!

And they're gonna. . .
They're gonna. . .

They're gonna kill
that poor woman.

They're gonna kill
that poor woman !

Walter, if you can't
ride in a car,

then how do you get
around on shabbos?

Really, Dude,
you surprise me.

They're not gonna
kill shit.

They're not gonna do shit.

What can they do to her?
Bunch of fucking amateurs.

And meanwhile,
look at the bottom line.

Who's sitting on a million
fucking dollars?

Am l wrong?
Walter.

Who's got a fucking
million fucking dollars
sitting in the trunk of our car?

Our car, Walter?
And what do they got?
My dirty undies.

My fucking whites!

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Say, Dude?

Where is your car?

Who's got your
undies, Walter?
Where's your car, Dude?

You don't know,
Walter?

WALTER: lt was parked
in a handicap zone.
Perhaps they towed it.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)
You fucking know
it's been stolen.

Well, certainly that's
a possibility, Dude.

Oh, fuck it.

Where you going, Dude?
l'm going home, Donny.

Phone's ringing, Dude.
Thank you, Donny!

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

(PHONE STOPS RlNGlNG)

Yeah.

Green with some brown,
rust coloration.

And was there anything
of value in the car?

Oh, yeah.

A tape deck, some Creedence
tapes, and there was a. . .

My briefcase.

ln the briefcase?

Papers.

Just papers.

You know, my papers,
business papers.

And what do you do, sir?
l'm unemployed.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)
My rug was also stolen.

Your rug was in the car?

No. Here.

Separate incidents.

(ANSWERlNG MACHlNE CLlCKS)

DUDE ON MACHlNE:
The Dude is not in.

Do you find them much,
these stolen cars?

Sometimes.

Wouldn't hold out much hope
for the tape deck though.

Or the Creedence.

(ANSWERlNG MACHlNE BEEPS)
What about the briefcase?

WOMAN: Mr. Lebowski,
l'd like to see you.

Call when you get home
and l'll send a car for you.

My name is Maude Lebowski.
l'm the one who took your rug.

Well, guess we can
close the file
on that one.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(WOMAN CHANTlNG)

(THUDDlNG)

(SQUEAKlNG)

(YELLS)

(WOMAN SPEAKlNG
FORElGN LANGUAGE)

l'll be with you in
a moment, Mr. Lebowski.

(WOMAN CHANTlNG)

(lNDlSTlNCT CHATTERlNG)

Does the female form
make you uncomfortable,
Mr. Lebowski?

ls that what this
is a picture of?
ln a sense, yes.

My art has been commended
as being strongly vaginal,

which bothers some men.

The word itself makes
some men uncomfortable.

Vagina.
Oh, yeah?

Yes, they don't like
hearing it and find it
difficult to say,

whereas without
batting an eye,

a man will refer to his dick,
or his rod or his johnson.

"Johnson"?

All right, Mr. Lebowski,
let's get down to cases.

My father told me he agreed
to let you have the rug,

but as it was a gift
from me to my late mother,
it was not his to give.

Now, your face.

As for this kidnapping.

Huh?

Yes, l know all about it,
and l know that you acted
as courier.

Let me tell you something.
The whole thing stinks to
high heaven.

Yeah, right, but let me
explain something about
the rug.

Do you like sex,
Mr. Lebowski?

Excuse me?
Sex, the physical act
of love. Coitus.

Do you like it?
l was talking
about my rug.

You're not interested in sex?

You mean coitus?
l like it, too.

lt's a male myth about
feminists that we hate sex.

lt can be a natural,
zesty enterprise.

However, there are
some people,

it is called
satyriasis in men,
nymphomania in women,

who engage in it compulsively
and without joy.

Oh, no.
Oh, yes, Mr. Lebowski.

These unfortunate souls
cannot love, in the true
sense of the word.

Our mutual acquaintance,
Bunny, is one of these.

Listen, Maude,

l'm sorry if your stepmother
is a nympho,

but, you know, l don't see
what this has to do with. . .

You have any Kahlua?
Take a look at this, sir.

DUDE: Oh, l know that guy.

He's a nihilist.

"Karl Hungus."

(lCE CUBES CLlNKlNG)

Hi.
Hello.

Mein dispatcher says
there is something
wrong with dein Kabel.

Yeah. Come on in.

l'm not really sure
exactly what's really
wrong with the cable.

That's why they sent me.
l am an expert.

The TV's in here.

You recognize her,
of course.
Helga, bring my tools.

That's my friend Sherry.

She just came over
to use the shower.

The story is ludicrous.

My name is Karl.
lch bin expert.

You must be here
to fix the cable.

Lord, you can imagine
where it goes from here.

He fixes the cable?

Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

Little matter to me that
this woman chose to pursue
a career in pornography,

nor that she has been
banging Jackie Treehorn,

to use the parlance
of our times.

However,
l am one of the two trustees
of the Lebowski Foundation,

the other being my father.

The foundation takes
youngsters from Watts and. . .

Shit, yeah. The achievers.

Little Lebowski Urban
Achievers, yes, and proud
we are of all of them.

l asked my father about
his withdrawal of $1 million
from the foundation account,

and he told me
about this abduction,

but l tell you
it is preposterous.

This compulsive fornicator
is taking my father for
the proverbial ride.

Yeah, but my. . .
l'm getting to your rug.

My father and l
don't get along.

He doesn't approve
of my lifestyle and,

needless to say,
l don't approve of his.

However, l hardly
wish to make my father's
embezzlement a police matter.

So l'm proposing that you
try to recover the money

from the people
you delivered it to.

Well, l could do that.

lf you successfully do so,

l will compensate you
to the tune of 1 0% of
the recovered sum.

A hundred. . .
Thousand. Yes.

Bones or clams or
whatever you call them.

Yeah, but what about my. . .
Your rug, yes.

Well, with that money
you can buy any
number of rugs

that don't have sentimental
value for me.

And l am sorry about
that crack on the jaw.

Oh, that's fine.
That doesn't even. . .

Here's the name and
number of a doctor who
will look at it for you.

You will receive no bill.

He's a good man
and thorough.

(STUTTERS)
That's thoughtful but. . .

Please see him, Jeffrey.
He's a good man and thorough.

Oh, well, all right.

So he says, "My wife's
a pain in the ass.

"She's always busting
my frigging agates.

"My daughter's married
to a loser bastard.

"l got a rash
so bad on my ass
l can't even sit down.

"But you know me,
l can't complain."

l got a rash, man. Fucking A.

l gotta tell you, Tone, man,

earlier today l was really
feeling shitty, man.

Really down in the dumps.

Lost a little money. . .

Hey, you know what?
Forget about it, huh?
Forget about it.

Yeah, fuck it, man.

You can't be worried
about that shit.
Life goes on, man.

Well, home, sweet home,
Mr. L.

TONY: Hey, yo. Come here.

Who's your friend
in the Volkswagen?
Huh?

TONY: Yeah.
He followed us here.

When did he start. . .
Whoa! What the fuck?

Get in the limo,
you son of a bitch !
No arguments!

Hey! Hey! Careful, man !
There's a beverage here!

Start talking,
and talk fast,
you lousy bum.

We've been frantically
trying to reach you, Dude.

Where is my goddamn money,
you bum?

Well, we. . . l don't. . .

They did not receive
the money, you nitwit!

They did not
receive the money!

Her life was
in your hands!

This is our concern, Dude.

No, man.
Nothing is fucked here.

Nothing is fucked?
No, man.

The goddamn plane
has crashed into
the mountain !

Man, come on.
Who are you gonna
believe, those guys or. . .

We dropped off the damn money.

We?

l, the royal we.

You know. The editorial. . .

l dropped off the money
exactly as per. . .

Look, man, l've got
certain information.
All right?

Certain things have
come to light and. . .

You know, has it ever
occurred to you

that instead of, you know,
running around, blaming me. . .

You know, given the nature
of all this new shit,

you know, this could be
a lot more complex. . .

l mean, it's not just. . .
lt might not be just such
a simple. . . You know?

What in God's holy name
are you blathering about?

Well, l'll tell you what
l'm blathering about.

l've got information, man.

New shit has come to light.

And, shit, man,

she kidnapped herself.

Well, sure, man.
Look at it. You know?

A young trophy wife,
in the parlance of
our times, you know.

She owes money
all over town, including
to known pornographers.

And that's cool.
That's cool.

l'm saying she
needs money, man.

And, you know,
of course they're gonna
say they didn't get it

because she wants more, man.

She's gotta feed the monkey.
l mean. . .

Hasn't that ever
occurred to you, man?

Sir?

No, Mr. Lebowski,
it had not occurred
to me.

That had not
occurred to us, Dude.

Well, okay, you know?

You guys aren't privy
to all the new shit,
so, you know. . .

But, hey, that's what you. . .
That's what you pay me for.

(CHUCKLES)

Speaking of which,

do you think that you could
give me my $20,000 in cash?

My concern is, and
l've gotta check it
with my accountant,

that this might bump me up
into a higher tax. . .

Brandt, give him
the envelope.

Oh, well, if you've
already got the check
made out, that's cool.

BRANDT: We received this
this morning.

Since you have
failed to achieve,

even in the modest task
which was your charge,

since you have
stolen my money,

since you have
unrepentantly
betrayed my trust,

l have no choice
but to tell these bums

to do whatever is necessary

to recover their money
from you, Jeffrey Lebowski.

And with Brandt as my witness,
l will tell you this,

any further harm
visited upon Bunny

will be visited tenfold
upon your head.

By God, sir,

l will not abide another toe.

l hear the cottonwoods
whispering above

That wasn't her toe, Dude.

Whose toe was it, Walter?
How the fuck should l know?

l do know that nothing
about it indicates. . .
The nail polish, Walter.

Fine, Dude.

As if it's impossible to get
some nail polish, apply it
to someone else's toe. . .

Someone else. . .
Pinking shears.

Where the fuck are
they gonna get. . .

You want a toe?
l can get you a toe.

Believe me,
there are ways, Dude.

You don't wanna know
about it, believe me.
Yeah, but, Walter. . .

Hell, l could get you a toe
by 3:00 this afternoon
with nail polish.

These fucking amateurs.
Walter. . .

They send us a toe,
we're supposed to shit
ourselves with fear.

Jesus Christ!
Walter. . .

The point is. . .
They're gonna
kill her, Walter,

and then they're
gonna kill me.

Dude, that's. . .

That's just the
stress talking, man.

Now, so far we have
what appears to me to be
a series of victimless crimes.

What about the toe?
Forget about the fucking toe!

Excuse me, sir.
Could you please
keep your voices down?

This is a family restaurant.

Oh, please! Dear,
for your information,

the Supreme Court
has roundly rejected
prior restraint.

Come on. Walter,
this is not a First
Amendment thing, man.

Sir, if you don't calm down,
l'm gonna have to
ask you to leave.

Lady, l got buddies
who died face down
in the muck

so that you and l can enjoy
this family restaurant!

All right,
l'm out of here.
Hey, Dude, don't go away, man.

Come on. This affects
all of us, man ! lt's
our basic freedoms!

l'm staying.

l'm finishing my coffee.

Enjoying my coffee.

(WHALE SONG PLAYlNG ON TAPE)

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

(STlFLED COUGHlNG)

(ANSWERlNG MACHlNE CLlCKS)

DUDE ON MACHlNE:
The Dude is not in.

Leave a message
after the beep.
lt takes a minute.

(BEEPS)

Mr. Lebowski,
this is Duty Officer
Rolvaag of the LAPD.

We've recovered
your automobile.

lt can be claimed
at the North Hollywood
Auto Circus there on Victory.

Their hours there are...

Far out, man. Far fucking out!

(BANGlNG)

Hey! This is a private
residence, man.

(CHATTERlNG)

Oh, nice marmot.

(SNARLlNG)

(SHRlEKlNG)

(SQUEALlNG)

(WlTH GERMAN ACCENT)
Where is the money, Lebowski?
We wants the money, Lebowski !

(SHRlEKlNG)

(PANlCKED STAMMERlNG)

You think we are kidding or
making with the funny stuff?

We could do things
you haven't dreamed of,
Lebowski.

Ja, we believes in nothing.
We believes in nothing,
Lebowski. Nothing !

And tomorrow we come back
and we cut off your johnson.

Excuse me?
l said, we cut off
your johnson !

Just think about that,
Lebowski.

Your wiggly penis, Lebowski.

Ja. Maybe we stomp on it
and squish it.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(SlGHS)

MAN: lt was discovered
last night in Van Nuys
lodged against an abutment.

DUDE: Oh, man. Lodged where?

You're lucky she didn't
get chopped, Mr. Lebowski.

Oh, man !
Must've been
a joyride situation.

They abandoned the vehicle
once they hit the retaining
wall.

Oh, my fucking
briefcase, man !
lt's not here! Shit!

Yeah, l saw that
on the report. Sorry.

You gotta get in
on the other side.

The side view was found
on the road by the car.

You're lucky they left
the tape deck though,
and the Creedence.

Oh, Jesus!
What's that smell, man?

Yeah. lt's probably
a vagrant slept in the car.

Or maybe just used it
as a toilet and moved on.

Hey, man,

are you gonna find these guys?

Or, you know, l mean. . .
You got any promising
leads or. . .

Leads?

Yeah. Sure.

l'll just check with the boys
down at the crime lab.

They got four more detectives
working on the case.

They got us working in shifts!

(LAUGHlNG HYSTERlCALLY)

Leads!

DUDE: My only hope is that
the big Lebowski kills me

before the Germans
can cut my dick off.

Leads!

Now, that is just
ridiculous, Dude.

No one's going to
cut your dick off.

Thank you, Walter.
Not if l have anything
to say about it.

Thank you, Walter.

That makes me
feel very secure.
Dude?

That makes me feel
very warm inside, man.
Dude?

This whole fucking thing.

l could be sitting here
with just pee stains on
my rug.

But no, man,
l got a, you know. . .
Yeah. Fucking Germans.

Nothing changes.

Fucking Nazis.
They were Nazis, Dude?

Oh, come on, Donny.
They were threatening
castration !

Uh-huh.
Are we gonna
split hairs here?

No.
Am l wrong?

Well, he didn't. . .
Man, they were
nihilists, man.

They kept saying they
believed in nothing.

Nihilists.

Fuck me.

l mean, say what you
want about the tenets of
national socialism, Dude.

At least it's an ethos.
Yeah.

And, also,
let's not forget. . .
Let's not forget, Dude,

that keeping wildlife,
an amphibious rodent,

for, you know,
domestic. . .

Within the city. . .

That ain't legal,
either.
What are you,
a fucking park ranger now?

No! l'm just
trying to. . .

Who gives a shit
about the fucking marmot?

We are sympathizing
here, Dude.
Fuck sympathy.

l don't need your
fucking sympathy, man.
l need my fucking johnson.

What do you need
that for, Dude?
You have got to
buck up, man !

You cannot drag this
negative energy into
the tournament.

Fuck the tournament.
Fuck you, Walter.

Fuck the tournament?

Okay, Dude. l can see
you don't want to be
cheered up here.

Come on, Donny.
Let's go get us a lane.

Another Caucasian, Gary.
Right, Dude.

Friends like these,
huh, Gary?
That's right, Dude.

(ORCHESTRAL MUSlC
PLAYlNG ON STEREO)

See them tumbling down

Pledging their love
to the ground

Lonely, but free,
l'll be found

You got a good
sarsaparilla?
Sioux City Sarsaparilla?

Yeah. That's a good one.

How're you doing there,
Dude?

Not too good, man.

One of those days, huh?
Yeah.

Well, a wiser fellow
than myself once said,

"Sometimes you eat
the bear and. . ."

(GLASS SETTLlNG)

Much obliged.

"Sometimes the bear,
well, he eats you."

That some kind of
Eastern thing?

Far from it.

l like your style, Dude.

Oh, well, l dig
your style, too, man.

Got a whole cowboy thing
going.

Thank you.

There's just one thing, Dude.

What's that?

Do you have to use
so many cuss words?

What the fuck are
you talking about?

Okay, Dude. Have it your way.

Take her easy, Dude.

Yeah. Thanks, man.

(MAN WHlSTLlNG ON STEREO)

Call for you, Dude.

Hello?
MAUDE: Jeffrey, you have
not gone to the doctor.

Oh, yeah, no.
No, l haven't yet.

l'd like to see you
immediately.

Oh?

So, you're Lebowski.
Yeah.

Maude has told me
all about you.

She'll be back in a minute.
Sit down.

Do you want a drink?
Yeah, sure. White Russian.

The bar's over there.

So, what do you do,
Lebowski?
Who the fuck are you, man?

(GlGGLlNG)

Just a friend of Maudie's.
Yeah? The friend with
the cleft asshole?

(GlGGLlNG)

What do you do?
Oh, nothing much.

(GlGGLlNG)

Hello, Jeffrey.
Hello.

Yeah. How are you?
Listen, Maude.

l got to

tender my resignation
or whatever

because looks like
your mother really
was kidnapped after all.

She most certainly was not.

Hey, man, why don't you
fucking listen
occasionally?

You might learn something.
Now, l got. . .

(KNOX GlGGLlNG)
Please don't call her
my mother.

She's most definitely
the perpetrator and
not the victim.

l'm telling you, l've got
pretty definitive evidence.

From who?
From the main guy, Uli.

Uli Kunkel? Her costar
in the beaver picture?

You mean vagina?
l mean, you know the guy?

l might have introduced them,
for all l know.

Do you remember Uli?

He's a musician.
Used to have a group,
Autobahn.

Look in my LP's.
They released one
album in the late '70s.

MAUDE: Their music is
sort of a techno pop.

So he's pretending
to be the abductor?
Well, yeah.

Look, Jeffrey, you don't
really kidnap someone
you're acquainted with.

The whole idea is that the
hostage can't identify you
after you've let them go.

Well, l know that.

(GlGGLES)

What the fuck is
with this guy?
Who is he?

Knox Harrington,
the video artist.

So, Uli has the money.

Well, no, not exactly.

This is a very complicated
case, Maude.

a lot of what-have-yous

and a lot of strands
to keep in my head, man.

You know, a lot of strands
in the old Duder's head.

Hello?

lf Uli doesn't have it,
then who does?

lt's Sandra
about the Biennale.

Look. l have to take this.
Do you still have that
doctor's number?

No, really, it's not even
bruised anymore.
Oh, please, Jeffrey.

l don't want to be responsible
for any delayed aftereffects.

(SPEAKlNG FORElGN LANGUAGE)

Aftereffects?

(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG ON STEREO)

Could you slide your shorts
down, Mr. Lebowski, please?

Mmm?

No, no, man.
She hit me right here.

l understand.
Could you slide your
shorts down, please?

(LOOKlN' OUT MY BACK DOOR
PLAYlNG ON STEREO)

Just got home from lllinois

Locked the front door, oh, boy

Got to sit down,
take a rest on the porch

lmagination sets in

Pretty soon l'm singin'

Doo, doo, doo

Looking out my back door

Keeping mighty cool.
There's a giant
doing cartwheels

A statue wearing high heels

Look at all the
happy creatures

Dancing on the lawn

A dinosaur Victrola
listening to Buck Owens

(SQUEALlNG)
Doo, doo, doo

Looking out my back door

(HORN HONKlNG)
Tambourines and elephants
are playing in the band

Doo, doo, doo

Wondrous apparition
provided by magician

Doo, doo, doo

Looking out my back door

Tambourines and elephants
are playing in the band

Won't you take a ride
on the flying spoon?

Doo, doo, doo

Bother me tomorrow

Today l'll buy no sorrows

Doo, doo, doo

Looking out my back door

(DRAMATlC MUSlC PLAYlNG)

He lives in
North Hollywood on Radford,
near the ln-N-Out Burger.

No, the ln-N-Out
Burger's on Camrose.

Near the ln-N-Out Burger.
Those are good burgers,
Walter.

Shut the fuck up, Donny.
The kid is in the ninth
grade, Dude.

And his father is. . .
Are you ready for this?

His father is
Arthur Digby Sellers.

Who the fuck is that?

Who the fuck is
Arthur Digby Sellers?
Who the. . .

Have you ever
heard of a little show
called Branded, Dude?

Yes, yes, l. . .

"All but one man
died there at
Bitter Creek."

l know the fucking show,
Walter. So what?

Fucking Arthur Digby Sellers
wrote 1 56 episodes, Dude.

The bulk of the series.

Oh.

Not exactly
a lightweight.
No.

And yet his son
is a fucking dunce.

Anyway, we'll go there
after the what-have-you.

We'll brace the kid.
Should be a pushover.

We'll be near
the ln-N-Out Burger.

Shut the fuck up, Donny!

(MAN SHUSHlNG)

We'll go out there,
we'll brace the kid.
He should be a pushover.

We'll get that fucking
million dollars back,

if he hasn't
spent it already.

A million fucking clams.

And, yes,
we'll be near the. . .
ln-N-Out.

Shh ! Shh !
Some burgers, some beers.
A few laughs.

Our fucking troubles
are over, Dude.

Oh, fuck me, man.

That kid's already spent
all the money, man.

New Vette? Hardly, Dude.

l'd say he still has
$960,000, $970,000 left,
depending on the options.

Wait in the car, Donny.

(KNOCKlNG ON DOOR)

WOMAN: Yes?
Pilar?

My name is Walter Sobchak.
This is my associate,
Jeffrey Lebowski.

We came to talk
about little Larry.

May we come in?
Yes, yes.

Thank you.

That's him, Dude.

(MACHlNERY HUMMlNG)

And a good day
to you, sir!

Sit down, please.

Larry, sweetie,
the man is here!

ls he. . .
Does he still write?

Oh, no, no.
He has health problems.

Uh-huh.

Sir, l just want to say

that we're both,
on a personal level,

really enormous fans.

Branded, especially
the early episodes,

was truly a source
of inspiration.

PlLAR: Sweetie, sit down.
This man is the police.

Oh, no, ma'am. We didn't want
to give the impression that
we were police, exactly.

We're hoping it
won't be necessary
to call the police.

But that's up to
little Larry here.

lsn't it, Larry?

ls this your homework,
Larry?

ls this your homework,
Larry?
Look, man, it. . .

Dude. Please?
ls this your
homework, Larry?

Just ask him about
the car, man.

ls this yours, Larry?
ls this your homework,
Larry?

ls that your car out front?

ls this your homework, Larry?
We know it's his
fucking homework!

Where's the fucking money,
you little brat?

Look, Larry, have you
ever heard of Vietnam?

For Christ's sake, Walter.
You are entering
a world of pain, son.

We know that this is
your homework. We know
that you stole the car.

And the fucking money.
And the fucking money!

And we know that
this is your homework!

We're gonna cut
your dick off, Larry.

You're killing
your father, Larry.

All right.
This is pointless.

Okay, time for Plan B.

You might want to watch out
that front window, Larry.

Son, this is what happens
when you fuck a stranger
in the ass!

A little language
problem here.

Little prick's
stonewalling me.

Walter.

What are you doing, man?

What are you doing?

Here you go, Larry.

You see what happens?

You see what happens, Larry?

You see what happens?
Oh, great.

This is what happens
when you fuck a stranger
in the ass, Larry.

This is what happens, Larry.

You see what happens, Larry?

You see what happens
when you fuck a stranger
in the ass?

This is what happens!

You see what happens, Larry?

Do you see what happens,
Larry, when you fuck
a stranger in the ass?

This is what happens, Larry!

MAN: My car! My baby!
This is what happens, Larry!

This is what happens
when you fuck a stranger. . .

What the fuck are you
doing, man? Stop it!

Hey, man.
l just bought that
fucking car last week!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
l'm sorry!
l'm gonna fucking kill you !

l just bought the
fucking car last week!
Come on, man.

l'll kill your
fucking car, man !

No, no. Hey, hey,
that's not his! Hey!

God damn it!
Whoa! Oh, no!

MAN: Fuck you !
Man. No.

You like that? Fuck you !

l'll kill your fucking car!
DUDE: No. No, no. No.

l'll kill your fucking car!

(SPANlSH MUSlC
PLAYlNG ON RADlO)

l accept your apology.

No, l just want to handle it
by myself from now on.

No. No. No!

That has nothing
to do with it.

Yes, the car made it home.
You're calling me at home.

No, Walter, it did not look
like Larry was about to crack!

Well, that's your perception.

You know, Walter,
you're right.

There is an unspoken
message here.

lt's, "Fuck you !
Leave me the fuck alone!"

Yeah, l'll be at practice.

Pin your diapers on,
Lebowski.

Jackie Treehorn
wants to see you.

Jackie Treehorn knows
which Lebowski you are,
Lebowski.

Jackie Treehorn
wants to see the
deadbeat Lebowski.

You're not dealing
with morons here.

(MAN CHANTlNG)

Hello, Dude.
Thanks for coming.

l'm Jackie Treehorn.

This is quite a pad
you got here, man.

Completely unspoiled.

What's your drink, Dude?
A White Russian. Thanks.

White Russian.

How's the smut business,
Jackie?
l wouldn't know, Dude.

l deal in publishing,
entertainment,
political advocacy.

Which one's Logjammin'?
Yes, regrettably, it's true.

Standards have fallen
in adult entertainment.

lt's video, Dude.

Now that we're competing
with those amateurs,

we can't afford to invest
in little extras like story,

production value, feelings.

You know,
people forget that the brain
is the biggest erogenous zone.

On you maybe.

Of course, you have to take
the good with the bad.

New technology permits us
to do very exciting things

in interactive
erotic software.

Wave of the future, Dude.
1 00% electronic.

Well, l still jerk off
manually.

(CHUCKLES)

Of course you do.
l can see you're anxious
for me to get to the point.

Well, here it is, Dude.

Where's Bunny?

Well, l thought you
might know that, man.
Why would l?

She only ran off
to get away from that
rather sizable debt to me.

No, she didn't run off.
She's been. . .

l heard that kidnapping story,
so save it.

l know you're mixed up
in all this, Dude.

And l don't care
what you're trying
to get from the husband.

That's your business.

All l'm saying is l want mine.

Yeah, right, man.

l mean, there are a lot of
facets to this,

(PHONE RlNGlNG)
a lot of interested parties.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

Oh, yeah?

Where is that?

All right. Yeah.

Excuse me.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Forgive me.
No problemo, man.

So, if l can find your money,

what's in it for the Dude?

Well, of course,
there's that to discuss.
You want a refill?

Yeah, does the pope
shit in the woods?
1 0% finder's fee.

That all right?
Okay. Done, Jackie.

l dig the way
you do business, man.

Your money is being
held by a kid named
Larry Sellers.

He lives in North Hollywood
on Radford,

by the ln-N-Out Burger.

Fucking brat.

But l'm sure your goons
can get it off him.
l mean, he's 1 5.

Flunking social studies.

So, if you could just

write me a check for
my 1 0% of half a million,

5 grand,
l'll go out and mingle.

(CHUCKLES)

You mix a hell of
a Caucasian, Jackie.

(ECHOlNG)
Fifteen-year-old kid.

ls this some sort of a joke?
No. No joke.

No funny stuff, Jackie.
The kid's got it.

Hi, fellas.

Kid just wanted a car.

All the Dude ever wanted
was his rug back.

Not greedy.

lt really

tied the room together.

MAN: Darkness washed
over the Dude.

Darker than
a black steer's tokus on
a moonless prairie night.

There was no bottom.

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah

What condition
my condition was in

l woke up this morning
with the sundown shining in

l found my mind in
a brown paper bag within

l tripped on a cloud
and fell-a eight miles high

l tore my mind on a jagged sky

l just dropped in

To see what condition
my condition was in

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah

What condition
my condition was in

l pushed my soul
in a deep, dark hole

And then l followed it in

l watched myself crawlin' out

As l was a-crawlin' in

l got up so tight

l couldn't unwind

l saw so much l broke my mind

l just dropped in

To see what condition
my condition was in

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah

What condition
my condition was in

Someone painted "April Fool"

ln big, black letters
on a "Dead End" sign

l had my foot on the gas
as l left the road

And blew out my mind

Eight miles out of Memphis
and l got no spare

Eight miles straight up
downtown somewhere

l just dropped in

To see what condition
my condition was in

l said l just dropped in

To see what condition
my condition was in

Yeah, yeah

Oh, yeah

(WHlMPERlNG)

(SlREN WAlLlNG)

(SlNGlNG)
He was innocent

Not a charge was true

And they say
he ran away branded

(GRUNTlNG)

ls this your only lD?

l know my rights, man.

You don't know shit, Lebowski.

l want a fucking lawyer,
man.

l want Bill Kunstler, man,

or Ron Kuby.

Mr. Treehorn tells us
that he had to eject you

from his garden party,

that you were drunk
and abusive.

Mr. Treehorn treats objects
like women, man.

Mr. Treehorn draws
a lot of water in this town.

You don't draw shit, Lebowski.

Now, we got a nice quiet
little beach community here,

and l aim to keep it
nice and quiet.

So let me make
something plain.

l don't like you sucking
around bothering our
citizens, Lebowski.

l don't like your
jerk-off name.

l don't like your
jerk-off face.

l don't like your
jerk-off behavior.

And l don't like you,
jerk-off.

Do l make myself clear?

l'm sorry. l wasn't listening.

Ow!

Fucking fascist!

(YELLlNG)

Stay out of Malibu,
Lebowski.

Stay out of Malibu, deadbeat!

Keep your ugly, fucking,
gold-bricking ass out of
my beach community.

(MUSlC PLAYlNG ON STEREO)
l want to sleep with you

ln the desert tonight

With a billion stars
all around

Jesus, man. Could you
change the channel?

Fuck you, man !
lf you don't like
my fucking music,

get your own fucking cab!

l had a really rough. . .

l'll pull off to the side
and kick your ass out.

Man, come on. l had
a rough night, and l hate
the fucking Eagles, man.

(TlRES SQUEALlNG)

(HORN HONKlNG)

Out of my fucking cab! Out!
Man !

Man ! Man ! Hey!

(ROCK MUSlC PLAYlNG ON RADlO)

(SlNGlNG)
There's a thousand pretty
women waiting out there

And they're all livin'
devil may care

And l'm just the devil
with love to spare

So viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas

Oh, Jesus!

(GRUNTS)

Jeffrey.

Maude?
Love me.

That's my robe.

MAUDE: Tell me about
yourself, Jeffrey.

Well, not much to tell.

l was one of the authors
of the Port Huron Statement.

The original
Port Huron Statement.
Uh-huh.

Not the compromised
second draft.

Then l. . .

You ever hear of
the Seattle Seven?

That was me.

And there were
six other guys.

And then the music business,
briefly.

Oh?
Yeah.

Roadie for Metallica.

Oh.

Speed of Sound tour.

Mmm-hmm.

Bunch of assholes.

And then, you know,
little of this,
little of that.

My career's slowed down
a little lately.

What do you do
for recreation?

Well, the usual.

Bowl, drive around,

the occasional
acid flashback.

(COUGHlNG)

MAUDE: What happened
to your house?

Oh, Jackie Treehorn
trashed the place.

He thought l had
your father's money.

He got me out of the way
while he looked for it.

Cocktail?
No, thanks.

lt's not my father's money.
lt's the foundation's.

Why did he think you have it?
Who does?

Oh, Larry Sellers,
this high school kid.
Real fucking brat.

You know, this is a very
complicated case, Maude.

A lot of ins, a lot of outs.

You know, fortunately,
l'm adhering to a pretty
strict, drug regimen

to keep my mind,
you know, limber,

and l'm very fucking close
to your father's money.

l keep telling you,
it's the foundation's
money.

Father doesn't have any.

What are you talking about?
He's fucking loaded.

No, no. The wealth
is all Mother's.

No, he runs stuff.

We did let him run one
of the companies briefly,

but he didn't do
very well at it.
Oh, he's, you know. . .

No, he helps administer
the charities now,

and l give him
a reasonable allowance.

He has no money of his own.

l know how he likes
to present himself.

Father's weakness is vanity,
hence the slut.

Do you think he. . .

What is that, yoga?

lt increases the chances
of conception.

(COUGHS)

lncreases. . .
Well, yes.

What did you think
this was all about?
Fun and games?

l want a child.

Okay, yeah, okay.

But let me. . . Let me explain
something about the Dude.

Look, Jeffrey,
l don't want a partner.

ln fact, l don't want
the father to be someone
l have to see socially

or who will have any interest
in raising the child himself.

Oh. So, that doctor. . .
Exactly.

Now, what happened
to your face?

Did Jackie Treehorn
do that as well?

No, it was the chief
of police of Malibu,
a real reactionary.

So, your father. . .

Oh, yeah, l get it.
Yeah. Yeah.
What?

Oh, man.
My thinking about this case
has become very uptight.

Yeah.

Your father.

Jeffrey, what are
you talking about?

Jeffrey!

Walter, if you're there,
pick up the fucking phone,
man.

Come on, Walter.

Pick it up, man.
This is an emergency.
Dude? Dude?

Yeah. Listen, Walter.
l'm at my place. l need
you to come pick me up.

l can't drive, Dude.
lt's Erev shabbos.
What?

Erev shabbos.
What?

Erev shabbos. l can't drive.
Man !

l'm not even supposed
to pick up the phone
unless it's an emergency.

This is a fucking emergency!
l understand.

That's why l picked up
the phone.

Walter, you fuck.
We gotta go to Pasadena, man.

Come pick me up or l'm off
the fucking bowling team.

Get out of that
fucking car, man !

Get out of that fucking car!

Get the fuck
out of the car, man.

Get out of the fucking. . .

Who the fuck
are you, man?
Easy, man !

Relax, man.

No physical harm intended.

Who the fuck are you?
Why you following me
around?

Come on, fuckhead !
Relax, man.
l'm a brother shamus.

Brother Shamus?

Like an lrish monk?

What the fuck are
you talking about?

My name is Da Fino.
l'm a private snoop,
like you, man.

What?
A dick, man.

And let me tell you something,
l dig your work.

Playing one side
against the other,
in bed with everybody.

Fabulous stuff, man.
l'm not. . .

Fuck it, man.
Just stay away from
my fucking lady friend.

Hey, l'm not messing
with your special lady.

She's not my special lady.
She's my fucking lady friend.

l'm just helping her
conceive, man !
Hey, man. l'm not. . .

Who are you working for?
Lebowski?

Jackie Treehorn?

The Kneutsons.

Who the fuck are
the Kneutsons?

The Kneutsons,
it's a wandering
daughter job.

Bunny Lebowski, man.

Her real name
is Fawn Kneutson.

Her parents
want her back, see?

Jesus fucking Christ.

Crazy, huh?
Ran away about a year ago.

The Kneutsons told me
l should show her this
when l found her.

lt's the family farm.
lt's outside Moorhead,
Minnesota.

They think it'll
make her homesick.
Oh, boy.

How are you gonna keep them
down on the farm

once they've seen
Karl Hungus?

She's been kidnapped,
Da Fino.
Oh, man.

Or l don't know.
Maybe not.

But she's definitely
not around.

Hey, maybe you and me
could pool our resources,

trade information.

(DOG BARKlNG)
Professional courtesy?

Compeers.
You know what l mean?

Yeah, yeah, l get it.
Fuck off, Da Fino.

And stay away
from my special. . .

From my fucking
lady friend, man !

The lingonberry pancake.

(SPEAKlNG GERMAN)

Lingonberry pancakes.

Three pigs in blanket.

(SPEAKlNG GERMAN)

DlETER: She has
lingonberry pancakes.

(MEN SPEAKlNG GERMAN)

l mean, we totally
fucked it up, man.
We fucked up his payoff.

We got the kidnappers
all pissed off.

And Lebowski, you know,
he yelled at me a lot,

but he didn't do
anything, huh?

Well, sometimes
it's a cathartic. . .
No, no.

l'm saying that
if he knows l'm a fuckup,

why does he leave me
in charge of getting
his wife back?

DUDE: Because he doesn't
fucking want her back, man.

He's had enough.
He no longer digs her.
lt's all a show.

Okay, but then
why doesn't he give a shit
about his million bucks?

l mean, he knows we never
handed off his briefcase,

(THUNDER CRASHlNG)
but he never asked
for it back.

The million bucks
was never in the briefcase.

The briefcase was
fucking empty, man.

The asshole was hoping
that they would kill her.

You threw out a ringer
for a ringer.

Okay, but how does
all this add up to
an emergency?

l'm saying, l see what
you're getting at, Dude.
He kept the money.

My point is. . .

Here we are, it's shabbos,
the Sabbath,

which l'm allowed to break
only if it's a matter of
life or death.

Will you come off it,
Walter? You're not even
fucking Jewish, man.

What the fuck are
you talking about?

Man, you're fucking
Polish Catholic!

What the fuck
are you talking about?

l converted when
l married Cynthia.
Come on, Dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know this.

And five fucking years ago,
you were divorced.

So what are you saying?
When you get divorced,

you turn in your library card?
You get a new license?

You stop being Jewish?
This is the driveway.

Jewish as fucking Tevye.
Man.

You know, it's all a part
of your sick Cynthia thing.

Man, taking care of her
fucking dog, going to her
fucking synagogue.

You're living in
the fucking past.

Three thousand years
of beautiful tradition,
from Moses to Sandy Koufax.

You're goddamn right l'm
living in the fucking past!

l've. . . Jesus.

WALTER:
What the hell happened?

So viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas

(DOG WHlNlNG)

Let's go. Fuck it.

(EXCLAlMS)

DUDE: Where was she, man?

Visiting friends of hers
in Palm Springs.

She just picked up and left,
never bothered to tell us.

Well, l guess
the fucking nihilists
knew where she was.

Jesus, Dude. She never
even kidnapped herself.

Who is this gentleman, Dude?
Who am l?
l'm a fucking veteran.

Come on !
That's who l am.

You shouldn't go
in there, Dude.
He's very angry.

(WHlNlNG)

So, man.

So? She's back,
no thanks to you.

Where's the fucking money,
Lebowski?

A million bucks
from fucking, needy,
little Urban Achievers!

You are scum, man !

Who the hell is he?
Who am l? Who am l?

Walter.
l'm the guy that's gonna
kick your phony,

gold-bricking ass,
that's who l am.
Man.

We know the briefcase
was fucking empty.

We know you kept
the million bucks
for yourself.

You have your story,
l have mine.

l say l entrusted the money
to you and you stole it.

As if we would
ever dream of taking
your bullshit money!

You thought that Bunny
had been kidnapped,

and you were
fucking glad, man.

You could use it as an excuse
to make some money disappear.

All you needed was
a sap to pin it on.
You just met me.

You. . . You human paraquat.

You figured,
"Oh, here's a loser,
you know, a deadbeat.

"Somebody this square
community won't give
a shit about."

Well, aren't you?

Well, yeah, but. . .
Get out, both of you.

Look at that fucking phony,
Dude, pretending to be
a fucking millionaire.

Out of this house now,
you bums!

Let me tell you
something else.

l've seen a lot of spinals,
Dude, and this guy's a fake.

A fucking gold-bricker.
Stay away from me, mister!

This guy fucking walks.

l've never been more certain
of anything in my life.

You stay away from me!

Walter, for Christ's sake,
man ! He's a cripple.

l said ! Get away from me!
Come on. Come on.

Yeah, l'll put him down, Dude.
Walk! Achtung, baby!

(GROANS)

(DOG BARKlNG)

(SOBBlNG)

(PANTlNG)

Come on, man. Help me
put him back in his chair.

WALTER: At least
they had the fucking
decency to tell us

that we were fighting
the communists.

Whereas this
whole fucking thing,
this whole fucking thing

is nothing about nothing,
about oil,

which is what l personally
hear, Dude.

Sure you'll see
some tank battles,

but fighting in desert
is very different from
fighting in canopy jungle.

l mean, Nam was
a foot soldier's war,
whereas this thing should. . .

You know, should be
a piece of cake.

l mean, l had an M1 6, Jacko,
not an Abrams fucking tank.

Me and Charlie,
eyeball to eyeball.
Yeah.

That's fucking combat.

The man in the black
pajamas, Dude.

Worthy fucking adversary.

Who's in pajamas, Walter?
Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Whereas what we have here,

a bunch of fig eaters
wearing towels
on their head,

trying to find reverse
on a Soviet tank.

This is not a worthy
fucking adversary.
QUlNTANA: Hey!

What's this
day-of-rest shit?

What's this bullshit?

l don't fucking care!
lt don't matter to Jesus.

But you not fooling me,
man.

You might fool the fucks
in the league office

but you don't fool Jesus.

lt's Bush league
psych-out stuff.

Laughable, man !

l would've fucked you
in the ass Saturday.

l'll fuck you in the ass
next Wednesday instead.

(WHOOPS)

You got a date
Wednesday, baby!

He's cracking.

. . .the whole concept of age.

l mean, many learned men
have disputed this

but in the 1 4th century,
the Rambam. . .

Well, they finally
did it.

They killed
my fucking car.

We want the money,
Lebowski.

Ja. Otherwise,
we kill the girl.

Ja. lt seems you have
forgotten our little deal,
Lebowski.

You don't have the
fucking girl, dipshit.

We know you never did.

Are these the Nazis,
Walter?

No, Donny.
These men are nihilists.

There's nothing
to be afraid of.

We don't care.

We still want the money,
Lebowski, or we fuck you up.

Fuck you.
Fuck the three of you.
Cool it, Walter.

No. Without a hostage,
there is no ransom.

That's what ransom is.
Those are the fucking rules.

His girlfriend
gave up her toe.

She thought we could
get $1 million.

lt's not fair.
Fair?

Who's the fucking nihilists
around here, you bunch
of fucking crybabies?

Cool it, Walter.
Hey, look, pal.

DUDE: There never
was any money.

The big Lebowski gave me
an empty briefcase,

so take it up with him, man.

And l would like
my undies back.

Are these guys gonna
hurt us, Walter?

No, Donny.
These men are cowards.

Okay!

So we takes the money
you have on you, and
we calls it even.

Fuck you.
Hey, no. Come on, Walter.

Come on, we're ending
this thing cheap, man.

No. What's mine is mine.
No, come on, Walter.

No funny stuff.
All right. All right.

No funny stuff.
l got 4 bucks, almost 5.

l got $1 8.
WALTER: What's mine is mine.

We fuck you up, man !
We takes the money!

Come and get it.

We fuck you up!
Show me what you got,
nihilists.

l fuck you !
Walter, come on.
He's got a sword.

Fucking dipshit with
a nine-toed woman !

l fuck you ! Fuck you !
l fuck you !

(EXCLAlMlNG)

(GRUNTlNG)

Take it easy, man.
l fuck you !

Take the $4.
l fuck you !

(GRUNTlNG)

l fuck you !

l'm gonna hit you with
the fucking ball, man.

(SCREAMlNG)

(SPlTS)

MAN: Hey, dickhead !
Anti-Semite.

l fuck you in the ass!
l fuck you in the ass!

l fuck you ! l fuck you !

We got a man down, Dude!

(GROANlNG)

Oh, God. They shot him, man.

He's not shot. No, Dude.
Are you shot, Donny?

There weren't
any shots fired.
Huh?

lt's a heart attack.
Call the medics, Dude.

l'd go myself,
but l'm pumping blood,
might pass out.

Rest easy, good buddy.
You're doing fine.

We got help choppering in.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHlNG)

Hello, gentlemen.

You are the bereaved?
Yeah, man.

Francis Donnelly,
pleased to meet you.

Jeff Lebowski.
Walter Sobchak.

The Dude actually is. . .

Excuse me?
Oh, nothing.

Yes. l understand
you're taking away
the remains?

Yeah.

We have the urn.

l assume this is credit card?

Yeah.

(CLEARS THROAT)

What's this?

Now, that's for the urn.

Don't need it.
We're scattering the ashes.

Yes. So we were informed.

However, we must, of course,
transmit the remains to you

in a receptacle.

That's $1 80.

lt is our most modestly
priced receptacle.

Well, can't we just. . .
$1 80?

They range up to $3,000.

We're. . .
Can't we just rent it
from you, you know?

Sir, this is a mortuary
not a rental house.

We're scattering
the fucking ashes!
Walter, Walter.

Just because we're bereaved
doesn't make us saps.

Sir, please lower
your voices.

Man, don't you have,
you know, something else
we can put him in?

You know?

That is our most modestly
priced receptacle.

God damn it!

ls there a Ralph's
around here?

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKlNG)

Donny was a good bowler
and a good man.

He was one of us.

He was a man who loved
the outdoors and bowling.

And as a surfer
he explored the beaches
of Southern California

from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo

and up to Pismo.

He died. . .

He died as so many young men
of his generation,
before his time.

ln your wisdom, Lord,
you took him,

as you took so many bright,
flowering young men

at Khe Sanh, at Lan Doc,

at Hill 364.

These young men
gave their lives,

and so did Donny.

Donny, who loved bowling.

And so,

Theodore Donald Kerabatsos,

in accordance with
what we think your dying
wishes might well have been,

we commit your final
mortal remains

to the bosom of
the Pacific Ocean

which you loved so well.

Good night, sweet prince.

(lNHALES)

Shit.

Oh, shit, Dude. l'm sorry.

Goddamn wind.
Fuck, god damn it, Walter!

You fucking asshole!
Shit, Dude. l'm sorry.

Everything's a fucking
travesty with you, man !

l'm sorry.
lt was an accident.

What was that shit
about Vietnam?
Dude, l'm sorry.

What the fuck does anything
have to do with Vietnam?

Dude, l'm sorry.
What the fuck are
you talking about?

Dude, l'm sorry.

Fucking. . .

Fuck, Walter.

Come on, Dude.

Hey, fuck it, man.

Let's go bowling.

And when you're sittin' there

ln your silk upholstered chair

Talkin' to some rich folks
that you know

Well, l hope you don't see me

ln my ragged company

Oh, but you know
l could never be alone

Two oat sodas, Gary.
Right. Good luck tomorrow.

Yeah, thanks, man.
l was sorry
to hear about Donny.

Oh, yeah. Well, you know,

sometimes you eat the bear,
and sometimes, you know. . .

Hey, man.

How do you do, Dude?
l wondered if
l'd see you again.

l wouldn't miss
the semis.

Oh, yeah?
How's things been going?

Well, you know,
strikes and gutters,
ups and downs.

Sure. l got you.
Yeah.

Thanks, Gary.

Well, take care, man.
Gotta get back.

Sure. Take it easy, Dude.
Oh, yeah.

l know that you will.

Yeah. Well,
the Dude abides.

Walter.

The Dude abides.

l don't know about you,
but l take comfort in that.

lt's good knowing
he's out there,

the Dude, taking her easy
for all us sinners.

l sure hope
he makes the finals.

Well, that about does her.

Wraps her all up.

Things seem to have
worked out pretty good
for the Dude and Walter.

And it was
a pretty good story,
don't you think?

Made me laugh
to beat the band.

Parts anyway.

l didn't like seeing Donny go.

But then l happen to know
that there's a little
Lebowski on the way.

l guess that's the way
the whole darned
human comedy keeps

perpetuating itself

down through the generations.

Westward the wagons,
across the sands of time
until we. . .

Oh, look at me.
l'm rambling again.

Well, l hope you folks
enjoyed yourselves.

Catch you later on
down the trail.

Say, friend, you got any more
of that good sarsaparilla?

Take me down, little Susie

Take me down

l know you think
you're the queen

Of the underground

Send me dead flowers
every morning

Send me dead flowers
by the mail

Send me dead flowers
to my wedding

And l won't forget to put
roses on your grave

No, l won't forget
to put roses

On your grave

(POP MUSlC PLAYlNG)

Bright light city
gonna set my soul

Gonna set my soul on fire

Got a whole lot of money
that's ready to burn

So get those stakes up higher

There's a thousand pretty
women livin' out there

They're all livin'
devil may care

And l'm just a devil
with love to spare

So viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas
with your neon flashing

And your one-arm
bandits crashing

All those hopes down the drain

Viva Las Vegas turnin'
day into nighttime

Night into daytime

lf you see it once

You'll never be the same again

l'm gonna keep on
keep on runnin'

lf it costs me
my very last dime

lf l wind up broke

Well, l'll always remember

That l had a swingin' time

l'm gonna give it
everything l've got

Lady Luck, please
let the dice stay hot

Let me shoot a seven
on every shot

So viva Las Vegas

Viva Las Vegas

Viva

Las Vegas

Viva