Original subtitles

Hotel Acuna, please.

- What's his name? - Eduardo Acuna. He's the big boss.

- Here's his office. - Oh, thanks.

Oh, boy.

I'll get you later. Thanks.

I absolutely, positively cannot interrupt Mr. Acuna.

He is busy.

Sorry, those are my orders.

Please don't blame me.

- When he's free, I'd like to see him. - I ask myself the same question.

Why see Mr. Acuna when there are so many pleasant people they could see?

Tell him Robert Davis of New York is here.

- Robert Davis. - Yes?

Mr. Robert Davis of New York to see you, Mr. Acuna.

I never heard of him. Tell him to go away.

Well, I must say, I'm used to more cordiality than that.

He's making a big mistake.

Mr. Davis, you impress me. What did you want to see him about?

That.

What?

That.

- I only asked you a civil question. - And I answered you.

- You don't mind if I wait? - No, but it won't do you any good.

That's very nice. The wedding dress and the lingerie, I approve.

You may go, and thank you.

Well, darling, what's been going on here?

Eduardo had a slight disagreement with Delfina about Julia's trousseau...

...so now he's picking out one himself.

It's my invariable rule to distrust women's taste in clothes.

That's why he asked me to come by.

First time I heard of a father selecting a trousseau.

You know as well as I do that women dress for one another, not for men.

Delfina's mother put her in fluff when I married her.

She's been in fluff ever since. Does your son like fluff?

My dear, for the first few weeks, he won't know what Julia's wearing.

- Will your wife forgive you for this? - Forgive me? I expect to be thanked.

- And thank you, Maria, for coming. - That's all right. Goodbye, Eduardo.

- Who are you, the florist? - Do I look like a florist?

How do I know what a florist looks like? Who are you?

Xavier Cugat, remember me?

Didn't I bring you down here from New York for something?

My orchestra has packed your Sky Room for the past two weeks.

That is something!

I never go to the Sky Room. My cover charge is too high.

Of course! You're to play at my daughter's wedding tomorrow.

Very well.

Play this softly and remotely, as though you were not there.

Mr. Acuna, you can forget my name, stay away from the Sky Room...

...underpay me, but you cannot dictate how my orchestra should play.

You play this softly.

How I wish I was back at the Waldorf.

- Bob Davis! - Cugie!

What are you doing here?

I just came down for a holiday. I didn't know you were here.

A holiday? You didn't know there was a racetrack here?

- Well, yes, and... - And now you're broke again?

Yep, I gotta put these feet back to work for a while.

But, gee, I like it here. You know, the people, the city, the horses.

But this fellow, Acuna, he's tough. He won't see me.

Acuna won't see him?

Why, in New York, he won't see Acuna.

This, Fernando, is the greatest man in the world.

Tell Acuna that Mr. Davis will give him just two minutes of his time.

Oh, no. You tell him.

Yes, Mr. Acuna?

Remind me to give Cugat back to the Waldorf. He annoys me.

Very funny man. He kills me.

You know, actually I have a great deal of influence with Acuna. What's that?

I didn't say a thing. Just minding my own business.

Come along. I've a show to do. While we play, we'll think of something.

Terrific! I've made up my mind. We'll work together again!

- With you, we'll be better than terrific. - I don't like Acuna's attitude.

- I'm going to change it right now. - No, I have a better way.

I'm playing at his daughter's wedding. You will sing, you will dance.

You will be sensational! Acuna will come to you on his knees.

It's almost time, Julia.

Here's your something old, sis, and a new coin for your something new.

Thanks, Lita.

And Mama's handkerchief for something borrowed.

Here's something blue, Julia.

The bridegroom's supposed to sleep on it, or something.

I suppose I should put the coin in my shoe.

You'll be the next bride in the family, Maria.

- Oh, no. Not me. - Oh, but you have to be.

Papa made it very clear that we can't get married until after you do.

He says it's our family tradition that the girls be disposed of...

...one, two, three, four.

And you'll be the oldest now.

Papa will get over that silly tradition.

No, he won't. Papa never gets over anything.

You don't expect to marry those two tennis-playing Romeos, do you?

But we love Tony and Roddy passionately.

They've even given us their signet rings, see?

Why, you're babies.

You just don't know what it's like to be so much in love that you cry all night.

You're right there.

It's all right for you to talk. You turn men down by the dozens.

You've got an ice cube for a heart.

- Unaccustomed as I am to getting a... - There's something wrong with Maria.

- She says she'll never get married. - I did not say that.

You know, Papa, I think you'd better put a cooling system in their room.

Now, you leave Maria to me. Don't worry, she's next...

...and then will come your turn, and then yours.

- Do we have to wait for Maria? - Yes.

And this is a fine way to act on your sister's wedding day.

Now, run along and fix your pretty faces.

Getting nervous, dear? We're going to miss you.

Has Mama forgiven you yet for picking out my trousseau?

I don't know. Her door was locked.

She broke down and confessed that she liked my dress.

These skirmishes I have with your mother are not typical of married life.

- Aren't they, Father? - No, they're just typical of me.

- I'm very difficult to live with. - No, you're not, darling.

You're really just a little boy, and I love you.

And I love you too, darling.

Will you hook me, Eduardo?

Delfina, don't you think it's about time you learned to dress yourself?

It's so hard for me to believe I'm old enough to have a married daughter.

It doesn't put any strain on me.

Julia. Where are the rest of my girls?

Oh, Maria! Lita! Cecy!

- Coming, Mother. - Coming, Mama!

I want to see you all in a row.

Oh! I'm going to cry tonight.

You'd better start now. It's getting late. Do you want some last-minute advice?

Just don't act too intelligent on your honeymoon.

I made that mistake with your father.

That reminds me. Tell me something clever to say after the wedding.

Oh, dear, I'm so happy.

Hurry, girls. Now remember, keep in step.

I am going to cry. I'm going to cry right now.

He didn't even look around.

Have your son pass the word. I have three more where Julia came from.

- You two ask Papa now. - While he's laughing.

Come on.

- Mr. Acuna. - Yes?

We've been going with your daughters Cecy and Lita for two years now and...

What do you want, a pension?

- All right, who's going to be next? - I am.

- Maria has to catch it. - Yes.

But I don't want it.

- Here's a volunteer groom. - Let's have a double wedding.

- I'm between engagements. - Here I am.

How about me?

Oh, you're all much too kind.

Papa! Papa! Did you see Maria? She froze those boys.

Papa, you've just got to do something about her.

Pardon me, could you please tell me where I could find Mr. Acuna?

He went inside.

On second thought, I guess old el groucho can wait.

Don't these overdone weddings bore you to death? They kill me.

I say if two people want to get married, let them.

They don't have to go through a shindig like this. It's murder.

Oh, well, I'll admit my attempt at conversation wasn't so hot.

Shall I try again?

It's a nice day, isn't it?

The air's nice.

And there seems to be an abundance of it.

Say, look, would you mind very much if I tear myself away from you?

No.

But you don't understand.

Now, let's hear no more about Maria. Run along, girls.

May I see you a moment, please? It's very important to both of us.

I'm Robert Davis. I came here to dance and...

Hello.

Now, what is there about that girl that made you go...?

She's beautiful.

She's beautiful, all right.

But she has a personality like the inside of a refrigerator.

In addition to which, she is my daughter.

She is? She is?!

She is. Now, what was it you wanted of me?

Just your permission to go out and hang myself.

Fernando.

Fernando!

Fernando!

What?

Were you sleeping again?

Tell me, my dear Fernando, why do I put up with you?

I don't know, Mr. Acuna...

...unless it's because I'm your third cousin on your wife's side.

Ah, yes. Did you get Mrs. Castro?

Mrs. Castro is on her way here.

All right.

Now go back to sleep, Fernando.

I dare you to!

- Hi, Fernando. - Good morning, Mr. Davis.

It's good to hear the voice of a human being again. Sit down?

No, thanks. I'd like to see Mr. Acuna if he's not busy.

This morning he's nervous. He probably won't see you.

- How'd you make out? - Oh, fine.

I opened my mouth too wide and kept it open too long.

I want to apologize to the old boy.

Mr. Robert Davis wants to see you, Mr. Acuna.

I don't lik e Mr. Robert Davis. I don't want to see him.

Advise him to go back to New York and don't be subtle.

Throw him out!

But look, Mr. Acuna, I just...

This is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me.

Oh, lady.

Better not to go in there. Nervous.

- Good morning, Maria. - Eduardo.

I'm a worried man. Maria, besides having the same name...

...you and my Maria have a lot in common, haven't you?

Well, I'm her godmother, we should have.

Would you say she has a personality like the inside of a refrigerator?

I certainly would not.

But she freezes men to death. She turns on that sophistication...

Sophistication, fiddlesticks!

Maria's as old-fashioned as a hoop skirt.

Ridiculous! I know my own daughter.

You think you know your own daughter.

I know there's something wrong.

She hasn't fallen in love since she was 15...

...when she got starry-eyed about that silly knight on a white horse.

- Lochinvar? - Yes.

You'd think she'd have outgrown a tin hero by now.

She's probably waiting for a myth to come to life.

Oh, nonsense! Will you stop thinking of Maria as a child? She's a woman.

I know women. They all fall in love with an illusion. I'll get her over that.

Will you leave Maria alone and stop worrying?

Someday, a man will come along who will stir her imagination.

How?

By doing something more romantic than the others.

Such as?

Well, perhaps by sending her flowers from an "unknown admirer"...

...intriguing her with just the right kind of note.

Fernando! Get the two most beautiful orchids you can find.

Bring them here for a note to be attached.

Eduardo, don't you meddle with this.

If I don't do something, she'll get hurt.

I won't stand by and let her waste the best years of her life chasing knights.

Have you gone crazy? You can't manufacture romance.

I'll create an unknown admirer and see what happens.

I'll use my left hand to disguise my writing. Clever?

You think you have the answer for everything.

What if she falls in love with your imaginary lover?

Don't worry. If the orchids and notes intrigue her...

...I'll furnish the young man myself. She'll never know the difference.

Dearly beloved...

Eduardo, I'm warning you.

- Papa! Hello, Aunt Maria. - Hello.

What are you doing here?

Must I have an invitation to my own home for tea?

- Is that you, Eduardo? - Yes, yes.

What on earth are you doing here?

You'd think my only privilege in this house was paying the bills.

Aunt Maria, it's good to see you.

- Wasn't that the doorbell? - Expecting somebody, Papa?

No, why should I be expecting somebody? Sit down, Maria.

Thank you.

I'm really upset with your son, Maria...

...and with your daughter Julia, Eduardo!

I went to the hotel where they're honeymooning.

- What for? In the name of all... - Don't speak when I'm interrupting.

To see if there was anything I could do for them.

As if there would be.

I thought they'd want to discuss what they intend to do on their honeymoon.

But they sent down word they weren't in.

Perhaps they weren't, Delfina.

At the same time, they also sent down for a bottle of champagne.

- I felt like... - Wasn't that the doorbell?

Something's wrong with Papa. He's always hearing bells.

Well, well, well! Orchids.

Shame on Tony. He should save his money.

- How do you know they're not for me? - Bring me the flowers, Cecy.

Why, there's a card inside.

Nobody ever sends me flowers.

After a woman gets married...

...her husband decides she can't smell anymore.

Now, don't get that martyred look. They're for Maria.

- For Maria? - Why, they... They are for Maria.

Well, somebody's just trying to be funny.

"Dearly beloved, I send you orchids... "

- Let Maria read her own card. - Go ahead, Mama.

It probably ends up with a joke.

"... because my heart is no longer mine, now that I have seen you.

Be kind to these orchids.

It is not their fault that they can never be as lovely as you. "

Why, it brought tears to my eyes.

That note was written by a man with a sensitive soul.

It sounded pretty silly to me.

A charming man sends you the most beautiful note ever written...

...and you say it sounds silly?

"Your unknown suitor. " And I don't think much of his handwriting.

Well, perhaps he's left-handed.

How does this card strike you, Aunt Maria?

If it had been sent to me and I didn't know who'd written it...

...I should think it was pretty silly. - Aunt Maria's right.

Whoever he is, he'll have to do better than that.

Let me see the card, Maria, please.

- What are you two whispering about? - Well, I...

I was saying that if that note didn't warm Maria's heart...

...the next one, I believe, may well start a flame within her.

Why, Eduardo, you remind me of our courting days.

He was always telling me how I lit a flame in him.

Sometimes I wonder if it hasn't gone out.

I'll have you know that I'm twice the man I was.

I would settle for half the man you were, dear.

Here are the love lyrics you wanted.

The love songs and the great love letters of Napoleon.

Just put them down and get out.

Sorry!

Right on time, 5:00.

You know, Louise, I'm beginning to wonder what he's like.

She's in love at last.

I'm going to wear Tony's ring where everybody can see it.

Now we can be secretly engaged and tell everybody.

- No orchids for almost a week. - Sunk again.

I guess we'd better put our rings back.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Papa. When did you get back in town?

Just now. How's everything at home?

Oh, we're all right, but Maria's in the dumps.

Maria, in the dumps? Why?

She hasn't received orchids all week.

No orchids all week? How stupid of me!

I mean, tell her, of course, that no one's been making a fool of her.

No, don't tell her anything.

Well, how does she know the orchid sender didn't get sick?

Well, say hello to your mother. See you soon. Goodbye.

Dearly beloved...

...although I have been desperately ill...

...in my delirium, they...

In my delirium, they told me I asked only for you.

Have you got my number? 3790.

This time, he's shaving.

No, don't bring a lottery ticket in here.

I can escape to the lobby for a moment.

- I'll see you there. Right now. - Did you give him my message?

Yes, and he said to have you arrested for trespassing if you came in again.

Mr. Davis, give up. He'll never see you.

Fernando. Send a bellboy in here immediately.

Mr. Acuna?

There's money and a note on my desk.

Take them, buy two magnificent orchids...

...attach the note, then take the flowers to my home. Is that clear?

Yes, sir. But first, could I see...?

Hurry it up! This is an emergency. And bring back the change.

Yes, sir.

I'll be back.

"Dearly beloved, dearly beloved...

...dearly beloved, dearly beloved. "

- I wouldn't take it so hard. - I'm not taking anything hard.

Beware of note writers who haven't the courage to court you face to face.

Even my clock's slow.

No, it isn't. Look, dear. Look.

"For Miss Maria Acuna. " Thank you, sir.

Thank you with all my heart and soul.

You're an angel.

Hoist the anchor, Cecy, we're in again.

You know, I think I've seen him before.

Louise, would you be a darling and pick up the pieces of notes I tore up?

Yes, yes.

"Dearly beloved... "

Jumping blue blazes!

Can't you even order a teapot for that hotel without calling me?

Why do I put up with it? All right, all right.

Maybe I can fly up next week.

In the meanwhile, start looking for another profession.

One that won't require the use of that addled fraction of a brain of yours.

Mr. Acuna, here's your change.

Two pesos, 50 centavos.

- What are you doing here? - I delivered the orchids for you...

...now you're going... - You delivered the orchids?

I'm not gonna try to figure out how you substituted yourself for a bellboy.

Mr. Acuna, I've been trying for days to dance for you.

You're the only man who's ever refused to see my work, and I resent it.

Get out of my office!

Now, look, this is a matter of pride with me. I don't like to dance, see?

I came down here to get away from it.

Shall I have you thrown out?

You can't talk that way to me. Honest, I'm an important guy.

Now, you're gonna see me dance and like it.

Oh, no, I'm not.

Oh, yes, you are. Take it, boys. One, two.

- Well? - Excellent. Beautiful.

But I don't want it. Mr. Davis...

...you do something to me that results in the most fascinating dislike ever.

- May I make an observation? - You may make your exit!

Mr. Acuna, your overwhelming graciousness bewilders me.

However, I bear no grudges.

When you change your mind, call me.

Out of my sight!

Thank you again for your welcome.

You let that jumping jack in my office.

You'll pay for this with every drop of your anaemic blood.

You nincompoop! You worm!

You're fired! Now get out and never come back, you diddling dimwit.

"Diddling dimwit"?

Welcome home, Papa.

I could have sworn I heard you swearing.

Why, I thought you were...

Aren't you looking extraordinarily happy about something?

- I am happy. - Couldn't be orchids, could it?

And I'll let you in on a secret.

I know who's been sending me the flowers.

You do? Now, look, darling, everything can be explained.

- What do you mean? - Tell me what you're talking about.

The orchids, the notes.

- I know who sent them. - You do?

- Well, you don't seem brokenhearted. - Well, why should I be?

- I'm glad you're taking it this way... - Tell me what you're talking about.

- Tell me who you're talking about. - Oh, Mr. Acuna?

When you change your mind, I'll be up in Room 920.

Oh, Papa, that's who I'm talking about. He's the one.

- He's what? - The one who's in love with me.

- He is not! - Oh, yes, yes.

I saw him bring the orchids this afternoon.

Oh, I remember. He sang at the wedding.

I tell you, he's not the one who's been sending you the flowers!

If he is, he's a pest! He's not only a pest, he's a dancer!

- How wonderful. I love... - He's not for you! He's out of work!

Then you give him work, for me.

Don't tell me you could do anything so ghastly as to get mixed up with him.

And to think I was cool to him at the wedding.

I forbid you to fall in love with this man!

And besides, it's too late. He's going somewhere.

New York, I hope.

Well, maybe I can change his mind.

You should read what he wrote to me.

No. No, on second thought, I don't think your heart could stand it.

- Anybody can write a love letter. - I'd like to see you try it.

Anyway, he's not leaving South America...

...if I can help it. And I think I can.

- What was his room number? - My mind's a blank. I've forgotten.

I haven't.

920, please.

You ask him to the house tonight.

What's gotten into you, Maria? Nice girls don't act this way.

- Nice girls don't feel the way I do. - Why, you're brazen.

How could I be...

...with a heart like an ice cube? - I didn't say that.

That gleam in your eye has nothing to do with ice cubes. It's predatory.

Maybe you're right.

- 920, please. - All right.

When I've signed those papers, I'll ask him.

You're a very sweet papa.

Oh, and I'll have to hurry. I've only got three hours to dress.

Bye, sweets.

- Why did you have to tell him off? - Don't worry, he'll come around.

Oh, you don't know him.

You know, Acuna is the most opinionated man in South America.

I'll show you.

See that nose?

That nose shows opinionation.

His ears indicate mulishness.

His forehead slopes like a tin roof.

- No intellect whatsoever. - What about his chin?

Oh, his chin clearly indicates weakness of character.

Handlebar moustache, no sense of humour.

His droopy eyelids indicate he's a dope.

Very flattering, Cugat.

- Oh, Mr. Acuna. - The Sky Room is going to miss you.

In the meanwhile, I will speak to Mr. Davis alone.

Sure, sure. Will you excuse me, please?

Mr. Davis, I find myself in an embarrassing position.

Think nothing of it, sir. We all make mistakes.

- When do I start dancing? - You do not start dancing.

- Didn't you come to see about...? - One of my daughters.

The one you so gallantly referred to as the "inside of a refrigerator. "

But I'm afraid I don't follow you.

She thinks you're in love with her.

Would it be rude of me to inquire if there's any insanity in your family?

And what's worse, she has the illusion that she's in love with you.

- Oh, my. Poor child. - It's not her fault. It's yours.

- I still don't follow you. - You took her the orchids, didn't you?

Why, I left some orchids at your door, yes.

But what's that got to do with the idea I'm in love with your daughter?

She's been receiving orchids and love notes from an unknown admirer.

- Then she thinks I'm the fellow? - So you've stirred her imagination.

I don't want to stir her imagination. I didn't write any notes.

Don't you think I know that? I wrote those notes myself.

- You? Then there is insanity. - No, there isn't.

All you've got to do is to let her think you wrote those notes.

- I see. Then what? - Then disillusion her.

- Tell her I didn't send the flowers? - Of course not.

Her pride would be crushed. She's got to believe that you admire her...

...and yet for her own happiness, she's got to lose her infatuation for you.

That's easy. Just tell her I'm a heel.

I want her to discover that for herself.

Yeah? How?

By being your own obnoxious self when you come to my house tonight.

Oh, I'm coming to your house tonight?

To complete the disillusionment...

...you'll tell her you're sailing for North America tomorrow.

But I'm not. I like it here.

I'll pay your transportation and a bonus as well.

Thanks just the same, Mr. Acuna.

My only interest at the moment is in your Sky Room.

If you do this for me, I'll give you a contract to dance, at some future date.

Will you put that in writing and leave the date open?

- Yes. - Okay.

- What time shall I show up? - At 9:00.

And don't stay too late.

- Something in my eye. - A keyhole, no doubt.

- Until tonight at 9. - And I won't stay too late.

Look what we found.

Is this your Robert Davis?

That's the one. He brought the orchids.

He's "The Idol of New York. "

I like his smile...

...and the twinkle in his eye. - Remember Mama's advice:

Don't frighten him with your intelligence.

- Just act simple and mysterious. - I know, make an entrance.

Be casual, as though I didn't know he was coming.

That's right. Come on, Cecy.

Eduardo.

- Do I look all right? - You're as beautiful as ever, my dear.

It just takes longer now.

Ouch!

Oh, I forgot. I had a pin in my mouth. Did it go in very deep?

I'll probably look like a Ubangi by midnight.

Hurry, it's 9:00.

If you giggle again, I'm going to throw cold water in your face.

You think Mr. Davis wants to marry into a family of gigglers?

Maria won't marry this young man. She's not going to like him.

He has absolutely no good qualities.

That's not for you to decide.

I read in a book that a salmon swims miles and miles to find a mate...

...and Maria has swum long enough.

Maria is going to wait until the right man comes along.

Why should she? I didn't.

Oh, it's Mr. Davis. He can't meet us scattered around the hall.

- Hurry, Mama. - Come on.

- Good evening, Mr. Acuna. - Mr. Davis.

- Did you receive the contract? - Yes, sir.

Then I can depend on you?

Don't worry, she'll be disillusioned.

Maria, may I present Mr. Robert Davis.

- We've met before, haven't we? - Yes. No.

That is... In a way, but...

We will translate that remarkable statement...

...after you've met the rest of the family.

This is Mrs. Acuna. My daughters Cecy and Lita.

Mr. Robert Davis. He can't stay long.

Sit down, Mr. Davis.

I accidentally read one of your beautiful notes to Maria.

It's a shame that such a talented young man is unemployed, Eduardo.

Oh, but didn't Mr. Acuna tell you?

I'm to dance in his Sky Room starting tomorrow night.

- Isn't that so, Mr. Acuna? - The date was left open.

- But you meant tomorrow, didn't you? - Oh, of course he did.

And you're going to love working for Papa. Isn't he?

Oh, I'm sure I will. Oh, I almost forgot.

These are for you. There's no note this time, because...

I'd rather you'd say what you might have written anyway.

- Do you mind if I smoke? - Oh, of course not.

No, thank you.

Have I said something wrong?

He thinks it's real.

I had it made into a cigarette lighter, Mr. Davis.

Oh, I see. For a moment, it looked real.

Oh, I guess it's killed many a man in its day...

...but it's only an antique now.

But you wouldn't mind pointing it that way a little bit?

- Of course not, but it's harmless. - Oh, I'm sure it is.

Do you mind? I could stand a little air.

There's lots of it in the garden.

Remember?

- What if I'd killed him? - Never mind him.

What about the vase?

Oh, now he'll never get back into a romantic mood.

Maybe some music would quiet his nerves. Come on.

After my notes, I must be an awful disappointment to you.

Oh, on the contrary.

I like modest men.

Well, I don't know exactly how to tell you, but...

I like bashfulness too.

Your city is so cosmopolitan, and this shack of yours is so magnificent...

...frankly, I feel like a duck out of water.

I think you'd fit in anyplace.

But I mean, I wouldn't fit into this kind of life, your kind of life.

I don't like it much either.

But you don't know my kind of life.

- It's music and dancing, isn't it? - Yes.

Well, we love your North American music and dances down here.

Oh, but imagine a man like me having to dance for a living.

I can't imagine a happier way to earn one.

There's a great weakness in my character.

- I'm a sucker for a horserace. - They thrill me too.

I'd probably bet my last cent on a horse. As a matter of fact, I did.

I have a gambler's heart myself.

You know...

...I think that's why your notes intrigued me so.

Look, little lady, as they'd say in Brooklyn:

"I can't bat in your league. " I'm a plain, ordinary guy from Omaha, Nebraska.

Just an old-fashioned, everyday Middle Westerner.

Why, my grandfather was a cattle raiser.

So was mine!

But you're streamlined. You're today.

Sister, I was raised amongst the grasshoppers. I am strictly from corn.

It's getting late, Mr. Davis.

- It's your play, Eduardo. - Well, I don't want that card.

Rummy.

Am I the first girl you never kissed?

I knew a fellow once who came to a lull like this with a girl and...

Yes?

He didn't know what to say.

I heard of a man once who was in love with a girl...

...and afraid to say so.

Cugat. I promised to meet him.

I almost forgot. You'll forgive me if I go, won't you?

- Of course. - I'm awfully sorry. I promised to see...

Good night.

- Why, he's leaving. - Good.

Mr. Davis.

- Doesn't Maria dance beautifully? - Yes.

You should've seen her dressing for you.

No dress was good enough, even though she has dozens.

- Not that she's extravagant, Mr. Davis. - I'm sure she's not. Good night, girls.

When Mama was away once, Maria ran the house herself.

- Papa said the bills were cut in half. - And what meals we had!

- Maria majored in domestic science. - She did?

Everyone remarks on what a perfect wife she'll make.

I agree. Absolute... If I could just have my hat.

- Oh, of course. - You must forgive the girls...

...they're just anxious for Maria to get married so they can be married.

- Well, thank you very much... - They don't need to worry any longer.

- I'd say Maria's falling in love. - We'd miss her if she left.

We'd be willing to make the sacrifice for her happiness.

Thanks. It's been so nice.

- Leaving so soon, Mr. Davis? - Yes.

But I hate to.

- Good night. - Good night.

- Thanks a lot. - Oh, you're very welcome.

Will you three stop interfering with Maria's life?

Will you leave that to me?

- Oh, Maria! - Oh, Maria!

- Isn't he just wonderful? - How'd you make out?

The first time in my life I ever really wanted a man to kiss me...

...and he had something else to do.

But the next time, it's going to be different.

Eduardo, did you hear that?

- Hi, Fernie. - Oh, no. Over my dead body.

- I'm not going to get fired again today. - Must you clutter up the doorway?

- You betrayed me last night. - Me? How?

By deliberately concealing your true and obnoxious nature...

...and making yourself be charming. - I did not.

Maybe there is insanity in the female branch of the family.

They've conceived a misguided affection for you.

- They think I'm in love with Maria. - The mention of love between you...

...makes my flesh creep.

How you can be the father of such a lovely girl absolutely amazes me.

- I resent that remark. - I resent how you butt into her life.

But you have absolutely no right to resent anything.

Mr. Acuna, I've arranged to fly back to New York by the next plane.

- You've what? - You can tear up that contract.

- I've decided to beat it. - Oh, you have? Just like that?

Yes, sir, I'm going to dump your entire asinine predicament...

...right back into your lap.

Oh, I see. You want them to think that I forced you to leave.

Isn't that exactly what you're doing?

You want Maria to think you're a martyr, sacrificed on the altar of love.

That idiotic statement didn't come from your wife's side of the family.

Mr. Davis, you signed a binding contract with me.

You'll stay here, or I'll file an injunction.

- Yesterday, you wanted... - That was before...

...your hideous display of charm last night. Now I have a new plan.

You will live up to your contract in the Sky Room...

...but you will keep away from Maria. - Is that supposed to be brilliant?

That will let her know that you merely used her to get the contract.

Naturally, then, she will loathe you.

That's just dandy. Then what?

Then, to show you how little you've meant to her...

...she will immediately fall in love with a more acceptable young man.

One of many whom I will invite to my home in the immediate future.

- You think she'll fall in love quickly? - Mr. Davis...

...I have an instinct about emotional responses of the feminine heart.

Don't you think I ought to explain to Maria that...?

No.

- Why, I thought perhaps... - No.

Our mutual aim is that she loathe you, isn't it?

I guess so.

- I was just thinking... - No.

You do the dancing, I'll do the thinking.

Fernando, in making out the guest list for the wedding anniversary ball...

...I wanna include the most outstanding and charming men...

...who have ever been guests in my home.

Yes, sir.

Wait a minute! I thought I discharged you yesterday!

Mrs. Acuna told me to forgive your display of temper, so I have.

I forgive you, Mr. Acuna.

Oh, thank you very much.

Not at all, sir. I'll prepare the list.

"Mr. And Mrs. Acuna request the pleasure of your company...

...at the 25th anniversary of their wedding.

Fancy dress. "

I can't believe it's been 25 years, Delfina.

That's because you aren't married to Eduardo.

I might have been if you hadn't seen him first.

- Where's Maria? - Tennis lesson.

But her mind isn't on the ball.

She's still trying to figure out why Mr. Davis didn't kiss her, I guess.

- Oh, hello, Fernando. - Good afternoon, Lita...

...Mrs. Acuna, Castro, Cecy.

Mr. Acuna sent me with his approved list of young men he wishes invited.

- Oh, swell! - Let me see.

I don't see Mr. Davis' name here, Fernando. Mr. Robert Davis.

It seems that Mr. Robert Davis is not on Mr. Acuna's approved list.

He's the only one on my list.

- Hello, Aunt Maria. - Hello.

- Fernando. - Hello.

Do you know why Papa left Mr. Davis off the list?

He said something about Mr. Davis devoting himself to the Sky Room...

...from now, henceforth. - Thank you, Fernando.

You know, we're expecting you at the celebration.

Thank you, Mrs. Acuna. You honour me. Sweet.

- Bye. - Goodbye, Fernando.

I'd be interested in meeting your Robert Davis, Maria.

Well, I haven't a thing to do right now.

How nice. Neither have I.

A little faster, Cugie, please. Once more.

One, two.

Hold it.

Well, hello.

- Does your father know you're here? - No, why should he?

- Mrs. Castro, may I present... - Why, I remember you.

- So you're Maria's Robert. - Yes... Well, I don't know. Am I?

Won't you come in and sit down?

We are special emissaries from Mr. And Mrs. Acuna.

We're asking the pleasure of your company on Wednesday evening.

- Thank you. - At 9 p. m., but...

...you can come earlier if you like.

Are you sure Mr. Acuna wants me to come?

Oh, he'd be devastated if you didn't.

And so would I.

You were coming back in half an hour, weren't you, Auntie?

Oh, yes, in a half an hour. Goodbye.

Won't you sit down?

Well, this is a pleasant surprise.

We were just running over a little thing from Harlem.

But I don't suppose you've heard of Harlem here.

Isn't that where the zoot suit with the reet pleat comes from?

Yeah.

- I'd like to hear it. May I? - Certainly.

Oh, Cugie, let's have it.

Are you sure he's coming?

Does Papa know?

Do you think he'll propose tonight?

Well, if he doesn't, it won't be my fault.

Maria!

My, isn't Papa handsome?

Just think, Papa, you've been married longer than we've lived.

Well, I consider that a very fortunate coincidence, my dear.

Maria.

It just occurred to me that I neglected to ask Mr. Davis...

...to come to the house tonight. That doesn't bother you, does it?

- Should it, Papa? - It's just, I thought it unforgivable...

...that he didn't call on you after starting his contract with me.

He hasn't sent any more orchids, has he?

- No more notes? - Nope.

- You don't seem upset about it. - I'm not.

Well, that's fine.

There'll be some handsome young men tonight.

I want you to have a happy time.

I expect this to be the happiest night of my life.

That's a good girl. I knew you'd let Mr. Davis know exactly where he stands.

Yes, Papa, that's just what I intend to do.

Papa, Grandma's here. Hurry!

Thank you very much. Very kind of you.

- Congratulations. - Oh, Maria.

What's going on between your wife and my husband?

They're always whispering.

This is a fine time to suspect your husband...

...on your wedding anniversary.

Well, I don't know.

You're such a fool, and you think you're so smart.

Why, Maria actually seemed happy...

...when I told her I hadn't invited Mr. Davis.

Robert.

- Oh, Mr. Davis. - We're so glad to see you.

Thank you. Congratulations, Mrs. Acuna.

- It's so nice of you to ask me. - We're happy to have you, aren't we?

- Delighted. Aren't we, Papa? - Yes, indeed.

Congratulations, Mr. Acuna.

It gives us all an opportunity to say goodbye to him.

- Goodbye? - Goodbye?

He received an offer from New York, didn't you, Robert?

- Well, that is... - Insisted on taking tomorrow's plane.

Didn't you, Robert?

Yes, I guess I did.

- Oh, Mr. Davis, you can't! - We won't let you!

I'm sure Mr. Davis knows what's best.

- For him. - You must induce him to stay.

I have no alternative. He asked me to tear up the contract.

- Didn't you, Robert? - Yes, sir.

Grandma wanted to meet you.

- Isn't she a lovely girl? - I've never met a lovelier one.

Remember, I have my own chapel at home...

...if you'd like to get married without the usual Acuna fuss.

Granny, we...

You don't understand. We have no use for a chapel.

We've just heard that Mr. Davis is forced to leave us.

You chose exactly the right word, Maria.

Our dear friends, 52 years ago in a little village in Brittany...

...my beloved mother and father were married.

When they came to South America they brought a song...

...and a happy tradition with them.

This music was played at their wedding...

...and 25 years ago, at Delfina's and mine.

And now, in honour of my beloved mother...

...and in tribute to my charming wife...

...I have asked Mr. Cugat to play that music for us tonight.

Hey, you've got to make Davis so jealous that he won't leave Maria.

If he takes a plane, it's gotta be on a honeymoon with her.

Will you do it?

Well, well, what are you waiting for?

Listen, old man, I started this dance with Maria, and I'm going to finish it.

Go out there and cut in on him.

Keep after him until he's so jealous he can't stand it.

Help!

Mr. Davis, how dare you attack a guest of mine!

- The jester was getting out of hand. - And getting in my hair.

- I will not tolerate this sort of thing. - It was our fault, we egged him on.

But falling in the pool was his own fault!

Everything that happens in the Acuna family is my fault.

I work long hours, I do as I'm told, and where does it get me?

In the end?

Oh, so it's you! You chose your costume well, fool!

Mr. Acuna, I have stood enough.

Fernando, I didn't know. I guess it was partly my fault.

It's not your fault I'm distantly related to this fuddy-duddy by marriage.

- What was that again? - You will bark at me no longer!

I resign, and don't take advantage of our family connections...

...to try to get me back again. Fuddy-duddy.

Oh, let's tell the truth. We were trying to help ourselves.

We're sick and tired of being old maids.

We wanted to make Robert jealous...

...so that he'd propose to Maria before he left.

- You're wasting your time. - Well, why?

Because I'm not in love with Robert and he's not in love with me.

I think we've embarrassed him enough.

Don't let it upset you, Robert.

Maria was bound to come to her senses sooner or later.

Kind of settles your problems, doesn't it?

Would you mind if I said goodbye to her?

Not at all, not at all.

Thanks.

Maria.

Why did you say that to Robert out there?

What else could I say?

Everybody's trying to push him into marrying me. Even Granny tried it.

If you ask me, I don't think he needs any pushing.

Maria.

There's something I've got to say.

Take her in the garden. You can say it much better out there.

The air's nice out there, remember?

I just wanted to say that...

Gee, you're beautiful.

It's funny, I had so much to say.

And now I can't think of a darned thing.

Where was I?

You said I was beautiful.

Oh, yes, I did.

Look, would you mind turning the other way, please?

Why?

I can't concentrate when you look at me like that.

I was only kidding.

Oh, you're terrific!

What's the use?

Is that what you wanted to say, Robert?

Well, that's only the first part.

I don't quite know how to tell you the rest.

Well, maybe I can make it easy for you.

I love you too.

Oh, doctor, you've struck a nerve!

Well, Robert, did you say goodbye?

Not exactly. It was more like hello.

I can never say goodbye to her, sir.

- I love Maria. - You don't say.

Well, that's just too bad.

It would be if she didn't love me too.

That's poppycock. You heard what she said.

Yep, I was there. You weren't.

- You're leaving on tomorrow's plane. - Yeah, but with Maria.

You'll do nothing of the kind!

Sit down, Robert, sit down.

This is going to hurt you, and I admit, I'm sorry for you.

Maria isn't in love with you. She merely thinks she is.

That's good enough for me.

- How will she feel when she finds out? - Finds out what?

That you weren't her unknown admirer?

That you agreed to deceive her in exchange for a contract?

Well, that's not a very pretty way to put it.

A woman doesn't mind you lying when you compliment her...

...but she'd never forgive a lie that made her a moonstruck ninny.

She's not. And I haven't been exactly lying to her.

Besides, you got me into this.

Did you know that Maria found a romantic ideal at 15?

- No. - She did.

His name was Lochinvar.

You don't mean that fellow on a white horse?

A sort of knight?

She cherished a dream that she'd meet a man...

...that measured up to that ideal. - I don't believe that.

She's a big girl now.

Have you taken a good look at her lately?

At heart, she's still the same romantic girl.

You were just an accident, my boy. It might have been anybody.

Any man who arrived when she was ready and waiting...

...for the lover who intrigued her, who brought her orchids.

There'd come a day when the illusion I created would vanish.

Suddenly, she'd see you as you really are.

And that's...? That's bad, huh?

For Maria, yes.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I try to appear hard, but I'm a fake, Robert.

At heart, I'm a sentimentalist.

I pity you, but I love my daughter.

I want to see her happy. Don't you?

Of course I do.

If I go north, will you promise that she'll never know...

...that I didn't send the notes? - I give you my word.

It's just that I want her to remember me...

...as she thinks I am.

I'll let her keep her memories.

As a matter of fact, I'll compose a farewell note...

...that she'll treasure as long as she lives.

It's best that I don't see her again.

I wouldn't know what to say.

I'll say it. I'll break it gently.

Thank you, sir.

We're awfully sorry, Fernando.

We didn't mean to get you in trouble.

I'm going to insist that Eduardo ignore his resignation.

Oh, Mama.

While you're there, will you put in a good word for Robert?

Of course, dear.

"Dearly beloved...

...as long as my heart beats, I'll never forget the softness of your lips...

...the pounding of your heart against mine.

Yes, my dearest, darling Maria...

...I will always cherish the exquisite torture of our stolen kisses...

...our sweet stolen moments together.

- Maria, my secret love. " - Maria?

You and Maria Castro!

Now I know what all that whispering's been about.

- You bluebeard! - Delfina, give me that note.

The "softness" of her... The "pounding" of her...

To think that you, lovemaking with Maria.

The godmother of your own child.

The wife of your best friend.

Writing a love note to her on our own wedding anniversary.

- You wretch! - Delfina, I can ex...

Don't try to change the subject. Say something!

Delfina, give me that note!

I regret having to say goodbye, Mrs. Castro. You've been most kind.

You'd better go into the library, Mrs. Castro.

- Your name is being bandied about. - What's that?

The pistols are on the table.

Retribution day is here. Acuna's going to get what's coming to him.

- How? Why? - He was caught red-handed...

...writing a love note to Maria Castro.

Maria Castro?

- I'm innocent, I tell you. - Don't touch me, you scorpion.

Oh, Juan, we'll have to bear this disgrace together.

And we have grown children.

This letter was written to your wife by my husband.

Let the reptile's own words convict him.

We caught him writing it. He jumped like he was shot.

- Did he admit it? - I admit nothing.

You keep out of this! I'm talking to your wife.

I gave him the best 25 years of my life.

Do you deny you wrote this note?

I ask that my daughters leave this ridiculous scene.

And I demand that they stay.

They'll learn a lesson in matrimony they'll never forget.

Eduardo, I am a jealous man.

Will you please take that injured look from your fat face?

- Did you write this note? - Yes, I wrote the note...

I'm sure that Papa can explain everything if you'll just give him time.

- Yes, if you'll just give me time. - Well, we're listening.

Well, this isn't the time.

And what have you to say, you brazen thing?

My dear, sweet, darling wife, will you please shut up?

I'm not speaking to her again anyway.

If you wanted my husband, why didn't you come to me and ask for him?

I don't want your husband.

There she goes, laughing at me behind my back.

Beg pardon, Delfina, right in your face.

Oh, whispering women!

Going to his office every day, and him, writing letters!

- He's a fiend. - You don't know...

...what you're talking about. - Don't argue!

If Delfina says he's a fiend, he's a fiend.

- They're insane, Maria, both of them. - I am insane, Eduardo.

It's an insane world when my best friend and my own wife...

Eduardo, we must confess.

Did you hear her? She wants to confess.

We'll confess nothing. Not here and not now.

- You'll have to be patient. - I'll have to be patient?!

Hold that gun. It might go off, you know.

Now, look, I can explain everything.

Mr. Acuna was not writing that letter to Maria Castro.

He was writing it to Maria, his own daughter...

...as a farewell note from me. - From you?

He wrote all the notes you received, and he sent all the orchids.

I don't understand.

He just decided that Maria should have an unknown suitor, so...

Is that true, Eduardo?

You were very considerate, Papa.

But how did you come into all this?

When I delivered the orchids, Maria, you jumped at conclusions.

So your father had to ask me to act as your admirer.

Well, how did you bring yourself to make such a sacrifice?

The truth is, I wanted this contract...

And that's how Papa paid you for being attentive to me.

- In a way, but later... - Later you got tired of the assignment.

You got in too deep.

So Papa wrote a goodbye note for you to send.

I apologize for all the embarrassment this has caused you, Aunt Maria.

It was partly my fault.

I knew your father was writing the notes.

Well! Everybody knows now.

I guess nobody had any way of knowing...

...I'd make such a complete fool of myself.

Congratulations, Robert.

I hope Papa paid you well. You earned it.

If I had written the notes...

...I would have meant every word your father said.

Please, Maria.

He's working overtime, Papa.

You should give him a bonus.

Will you ever forgive me, Maria?

She may, but all my life, I'll be haunted by your frightful suspicions...

...that I could have been unfaithful. - Oh, Eduardo!

Go and see that our guests are happy and leave me with my conscience.

- Eduardo... - Don't say anything.

I know, you're a jealous man.

- Remember, I warned you. - I remember.

My boy, a woman's advice isn't worth listening to...

...but any man who doesn't take it is a fool. And that's me.

I've been pretty much of a dope myself.

For some time, it was a positive pleasure...

...for me to dislike you.

It gave me a nice, warm glow.

But now I must confess that I've conceived quite a fondness for you.

What you just did smacked of nobility.

I didn't want to see you shot full of holes.

Making that confession before Maria, to save me...

...it must have been painful. - It wasn't any fun.

Do you think she'll be all right now?

Thanks to my meddling, no.

I wonder if she'll ever forgive us.

Mr. Acuna, would you mind very much if I didn't take tomorrow's plane?

You have my permission to court Maria...

...as long as your strength holds out.

But I'm afraid it won't do you any good.

If these orchids aren't out of here by the time I get back, I'll...

I'll set fire to them.

Oh, Miss Maria, can't you see how desperate he is?

All right. He made love to you under false pretences...

...but he's serious now.

You've forgiven me. You can forgive him.

I can't forgive him for what he did to make me love him.

What about the things you did to make him fall in love with you?

When you've got a fish hooked, haul him in.

Don't you let another orchid in this house!

- Miss Maria Acuna. - Right this way, boys.

Now, don't give up, my boy.

You're bucking the man she thought you were.

- That fellow on the white horse? - Yes.

- I have an instinct for... - For what goes on in a woman's heart.

- I know. - I know this.

Every woman wants to be swept off her feet and carried away.

Tell me, just what did this bird Lochinvar do about his gal?

Well, he put on his best suit of Sunday armour...

...and rode up to her father's castle, or whatever they lived in.

There was a dance going on, or something...

...but Lochinvar rode into the patio, or whatever they have in Scotland...

...and swept the girl off her feet, onto his horse and rode off with her.

I think.

Well, I've tried everything else.

Robert! Robert!

Wait, Robert!

Before we go any further, I've got to get something straight.

This Lochinvar fellow.

Lochinvar? Never heard of him.

Darling! That's all I wanted to know.

It's supposed to by shirt, you see: I'm sorry I ripped you shirt.

Oh, that's very nice.

And this is from me and rest of the class...

- Johnny?! - Just a sec...

Hey, Steve, I'll be down in a second!

Come on! The girl's legs are getting cold!

Hi!

- What happened to your friends? - I remembered I didn't like them very much.

And I thought: hell, I haven't seen you for a while , maybe I can go up here and take a ride...

- Oh, thanks but I've already eaten - Oh no, I meant dancing!

- No, I get to get up in the morning - We'll not stay late and I'll have you home in a flash..

I'll wait out here while you get dressed..

What are you fucking choir-boy (?) ?

Ok!

- Ready? - What!?

- Don't you wanna put that black stuff around your eyes? - Eyeliner?

- All the girls wear it in the club. Pretty sexy.

- Well I don't wear eyeliner. - Really? Why not?

I don't like it.

That's a pretty good reason.

- Which shoes should I wear? - One you want.

- Do you like these? - Yes, they're alright.

Or do you like these better?

Babe, you were dressing yourself long before I came on so why stop now?

- Only asking which of these you like - And I'm just saying. Wear the ones you like best, ok?!

- Why just you don't tell which shoes you like better? - Cause I guess I don't like either ones.

Those are fucking shoes that I have, ok? This is the way I dress and you know, goddamned what I wear...

- ...shit around my eyes! - Ok!

- What's the big deal? - No big deal.

- Let's just stop seeing each other, right? - Why!?

- Because it's very obvious to me there's nothing about me that you wants!- If it is so obvious, what the hell am I doing standing here, than?

- I don't have any idea. - Well, I guess I have to spell it out for you! I'm standing here...

..because I like you!

...it's a funny way you're showing it.

- It is ok? - No.

Sabe?

You've got kind of eyes that don't need any make-up at all!

- Shut up. - I'm serious.

Look, hey! I'm serious. You're beautiful.

I'm sorry I've threw a shoe at you.

It's ok. It's all right. Just please don't do it again cause I hate when people throw shoes at me.

I won't.

Wise person who was missed...

- Get a smoke? - No, I'm out.

You Freak Storm, huh?

That's right. I've seen you before! What's your name?

John. Johnny Suede.

- What are you doing back here, Freak? - Meet someone that I wanna see.

- Nice shoes you have here, Johnny. - Thanks. I like your boots.

- Where did you get them? - I found them when I was living in Wyomming.

- What were you doing in Wyomming? - I've been all over, man.

- Me too - Yeah?

- I was born in a goddamned motel room - Really?

- Your dad was a traveling sellsman. - Daddy?

I don't know too much about my daddy, man except he was shot 5 minutes after I was born.

- Wow, you're kiddin! - No, I am not fucking kidding.

Even tried to write a song about it, once. But I just didn't finish it.

It goes like this...

I was born in motel room When my daddy lost his job.

Just after one He pulled a gun and blew the brain down the...

They call me mamma'.. they call me mamma'...

The call me mamma's boy. But I don't care.

I'll be a mamma, I'll be a mamma's boy!

Since daddy get the electric chair!

- Pretty music, Freak. - No, it ain't. It's all piece of bubble.

- No man, you should finish it. - I can't, it's too very personal.

Did your daddy really get a chair?

- Well Johnny I don't really like talking about that. - I can understand that.

- You really liked that song Johnny? - Yeah, I do like...

- You can have it.

- Thanks!

Thanks, Freak.

- You know I'm trying to start a band myself. - You do that? - Yeah!

The High Tone was interested for a while but that didn't go through.

- I sympathize with that - It's hard you know.

- I sympathize - Sometims I feel like giving up

- Do you, Johnny? - Yea, I do Freak.

I like you. Wanna turn you on for something. Check this out.

What is it?

MAKE YOUR OWN HIT ALBUM - $20 - CALL RUDY AT HIT-12345

This guy, Rudy, is a friend... to my first album.

You got a tape?

-Well send it to him right away, make sure you send cash (...)

Wait a minute!

I'm gonna go and see this guy tomorrow. If you give me the money than I can give it to him.

Hey, that's great! That's fine by my!

I got it!

- You give it to him, man - Why!?

I don't want to bother with that... Oh hell I'll give it to him! I'll tell him you're a friend of mine.

- Special treatment. -Yes...

Thanks. That's great!

Don't mention it! Maybe one day you can make me a favor.

- Here! Have some chicken! - I can't, Freak! I gotta split.

- You have to split?

I start your fucking career for you and you gotta split?!

That's why your life's going fucking nowhere Johnny! Cause you gotta show a little bit goddamned gratitude!

- No, I am grateful, Freak! Really!

I am.

- This is good chicken. - It should be man I only found it this morning.

Just kidding.

I was born in motel room When my daddy lost his job.

Just after one He pulled a gun, his brain out...

Cops pulling me down the... (...)

That was the day my mamma told, since I could understand

...could take no pride, and the daddy killed a man.

They call me mamma..mamma...mamma's boy.

But hey, I just don't care! I've been a mamma...mamma..mamma's boy...

Since daddy got the electric chair.

- I'll make some tea.

- She still loves you...

- Does she? - She talks about you all the time.

- I told you I'd get you, didn't I?!

- Johnny...

- How do you feel? - Terrible.

- What's that smell? - I made some soup. Do you want some?

- What type? - Vegetable.

- What type of vegetables? - Do you want some soup or not?

- Ok, I'll have some soup.

- Aren't you supposed to be in school? - Yeah...

I took a day off.

- I hope you know shaving the face is not like shaving legs - Why it says this?

- Already made this before? - Once or twice...

- With that married guy? - Why are you so curious?

- Have you guys been in tub? - No, we were in a jacuzzi.

- Anything else you wanna tell me? - Only this: you keep asking me a stupid questions...

- and I'm gonna smack you! - Big talk for a girl..!

- ...

...

God...

Funny...

- I hope you know shaving a leg is not like shaving a face.

...I've done this a million times...

- You're going a wrong way. - Look, lady.

You go your way, I go my way.

I love you, Johnny.

Thanks.

Certain.

- For moving... ...against moving.

I'd suggest that you start with the reasons for moving ???.

- So let me have a couple! - Ok...

- She's got a color TV. - Here you go! Color TV... Next?!

- She's got an extra room. She says I can play my guitar in , kind like my own private room.

- That's nice!... private room...

- Next! - She's always got things around to eat...

like nuts, come crackers and shit...

- Hey, why you watch TV? You know what I'm saying?

- Yeah... - So.. we call it snacks!

- Anything else?

- Nope, no. - Let's proceed to the reasons against!

- I'd move into, I'd be locked up for 24 hours a day! You know, go to bed...

there she is, wake up - there she is again!

- So you say you're feeling like a... - ...like I was in prison!

- Ok... prison.... -similarities!

- Good. - Next..?

I couldn't do any of the things the guys does, you know... I mean... say, I wanna walk around in my underwear!

No, say I had to make a fart! I'd have to go to my private room just to make a fart!

Yeah, you probably would..! Ok, things a guy does!

- Ok, next? - She threw a shoe in me once..!

That's bad, that's very bad...! Shoe-throwing things.

- How many is that? - It's tied up, 3 and 3.

- Ok... Let's face it: she is probably the exact opposite type of girl I'd normally met, you know!

She's got weird job, she dresses funny, she can't even put on make-up!

- Opposite types. - That's us!...

- Here it is, pal! Three reasons for, four reasons against!..

- ... - Numbers don't lie!

- And hey, just because I don't move in doesn't mean I can't still see her, right?

- I don't know, man... - I mean... I DO like a girl...

Sometimes when I'm sitting around... she keeps grabing my ear really soft... I like that.

- That's not a reason for, man! - I don't know man, I mean the way you described it...

makes me wanna meet a girl like that.

- Tied up again, Johnny... - I know!...I gotta think!...

Ok. See that, color TV, never watch it!

- Are you sure? - Absolutely.

Now I just gotta find a way to break it to her...

- What is it you're thinking about?

- Well I guess I was thinking about a few things...

What I wanna say, is...

shouting

- He better give up calling me "Pain"..! ?

- I don't know maybe thought you'd paint a place... -...

- If you don't like it why just you don't go home?

- Can I help you with something? - Yes, sir, you can get out of way so I may open the door.

- I prefer that you don't use this bathroom... - Ok, which one should I use?

- Well, if I'm not mistaken, there's a close little gas station around...

- Fine, thanks... - You'll find a rear door.

- The scum doesn't want me to use his bathroom...

- Relax, piss in the bucket.

- Where? - In the closet.

- Deke! ... a gun! - ...?

- Where did you get that?

- What are you doing? - Shit.

- What?!

- Just talking! - That's nice.

- I can't believe it! - What!?

- This wall is covered with nips. - What are nips?

- This little item is a nip. ...

...my walls. Here's one... and here's another...

- We haven't paint it yet, man! - You're gonna to still this down and repeat for entire...

- the thing I detest is little nipes on the wall...

- Sucker!

- What did you say? - He said Mark those nips!

- He did not! He said Suck my dick! - No, no, he said Mark those nips!, that way we

- ...can start painting right away, sir!... - ...

- Come on man, it was just a joke! - Tomorrow, man, just, just don't even look at the guy, man, just...

paint a wall so we get the hell out of there!

Alright.

Health.

- Today is my birthday. - Happy birthday...

- Come on...- Look, I might ask Boccelli now... ?

- I joined a band.

- When? - Last week. I got tired wailing around, man.

- You pissed off? - No... no!

- Why should I be pissed off? - When are we gonna start one together, you know..?

- Forget it. Hey man, you got $5 I can borrow? I got to pick some things up on my way home...

- Guess you're doing a shopping now..? - That's... really funny, man...

- Why!?

- You know what? I'll tell you something, I'm getting sick of you...

- Look man, I'm just trying to make some conversation. You don't like it? Go talk to someone else...

- You have a beer, that's 2 dollars, pal!

- I can't believe it, man!

- It's my fucking birthday! And some guy who's supposed to be my best friend can't buy me a fucking beer!

...really gonna sound silly and I hope you don't take this wrong way but I saw you in a train...

...and I just wanna tell you you have the most beautiful legs I've ever seen.

- Thanks for everything, I had a lovely time!

- Wait a second..! - What?

cursing

- Yvonne! - Honey! ?

- Glad I see you! - Where have you been?

- You're not gonna believe this! - What? Are you alright?

Yeah, I'm ok, but just fored a guy in a train...back guy got shot!...

- Oh god, oh my God! Was he killed?

- No, but he was hurt pretty bad! Of course cops kept everybody down there asking...

- the same questions, over and over again! - Well, why didn't you call me?!

- I tried! I said "Cops, I gotta use a phone!" they even wouldn't let me make a call, can you believe it...

- Fucking asshole! - I know! I ran all the way home...

- as I knew you'd be worried! - Oh, you must be starved. I'm glad you're ok...

- ...I've got a dinner in the fridge.. - yeah, I need to take a shower!..

- All right. - You bought me a cake?

- No baby, I made it! - You made me a cake?

- Are you sure you're ok? - Yeah, I'm ok.

It's just horrible to see a man going down...?

- Look at all the presents! What is this, Christmas?

- Open it!

- Yeah? No, I'm gonna wait til we have our cake. I can't believe that you made this for me! It's perfect!

- What have you done? - Me? Nothing! Deke must have put those there...

...as some kind of birthday joke!... . I tell you that guy...

- ...has got sick sense of humour... - Stop it, Johnny. I could smell it all over you...

- since you've been walking thru' door! - I don't know what you smell, but I smell a guy's been working all day!

- You fucked somebody, ok?! I cut your shit!

Why!? Why?! You just tell me why you did it!

- Only thing I can say is I know you're gonna think this is stupid.

But...

It felt like something was behind me all day, you know, pushing me and shoving... Do you know what I mean?

- No.

- Like a giant hand... pushing me from behind and I couldn't stop it.

And I started following this girl, nothing special about her, really, but every time I tried to stop...

the giant hand gave me another shov. And... somehow I ended up in her kitchen and we did it...

- So, she cooked you dinner? - Yeah, see what I mean? The whole thing is like a dream...

...and than we were in bed... But it's not like I enjoyed it or anything!

But for the first time in my life, I felt like I was home..!

- Well, Johnny, that's the biggest pile of shit I ever heard in my life!

- I tried to explain how I feel and you don't even try to understand!

- Oh, no, I understand! You saw a girl, you fucked her, she made you feel at home...

- and than you lie to me about the whole fucking... - When I said she made me...

- ...feel at home, I said, it felt like I was home! - Get out!

- What? - I can't even look at your fucking face, get out!

- I'm out of here, man. You think I need this shit? No!

- I am my own man! - You are a lying piece of shit!

- You know what I am?! I'm stupid for ever letting you talk me into moving into this scope in the first place! I got places...

I wanna go, I got things I gotta do!.. You think I want to be stacked here with a chick...

...who can't even put a fucking make-up?! No!

- Did I tell you about throwing shoes?! Did I?!

- Hey...

- Hi...

- I've been looking all over for you. Deke saw you from across the street.

Have been asking everybody if he's seen a guy who wears a suede shoe that looks like this...

- Where did you find it? - On the roof of the car.

- I looked all over 20 minutes for this thing! I can't believe you found it!

- What happened to you? - I don't know.

- I'm sorry! I'm sorry! - Alright.

- No... - Calm.

- Yvonne, sorry...

And so our story ends. Did she forgive him?

Did they stay together? No-one knows.

And the one thing he was looking for...

Some people say he found it.

Other people say it ended up on side of the road...

somewhere just outside of Delaware.

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