All language subtitles for Lets.Get.Physical.S01E06.WEBRip.x264-ION10

A POP Original Series

-Previously
on Let's Get Physical:

She still hates me 'cause
I broke her little boy's heart.

- I hate you because you're
a conniving little trollop.

- You're choking me.
- That's what your wife said
when she blew me in high school.

Hibicus vodka.
- Hibiscus.

- How drunk are we?
- I'm sober as a bird.

- Oh, crud.

- Not ocean sunrise.
God, my cheeks
are not that yellow, are they?

- It's been two days
since your little buddy bender
with Joe,

and you still look
like a vacuum-sealed corpse.

- Claudia,
none of my filters work!

Stupid smart phones.
And stupid aerobics.

Stupid Joe Force!

- Stupid whining. Stop that.

- The aftereffects of alcohol
are baffling.

- Yes, it is called a hangover,
sweet tits.
- Oh...

my joints are achy and...

my thoughts are both impulsive
and indecisive at the same time.

Why would anyone do this
to themselves?

How do I get back to me?

- A hangover's
like a credit card.
It has to be paid off.

- Oh... I'm all maxed out.

- Stop... that.

A camera crew
will be at Fitness by Force
this afternoon

to film the rivalry promos
for the finals.
That's right.

It's the first thing
the judges are going to see
at the opening ceremony,

and it sets the tone
for the entire competition.

- I know.
You're right, you're right.
If I look worse than Joe Force,

while sitting next to Joe Force,
that kills our first impression.

How does he do this
every morning?

- He drinks like you work out.

- Is that Joe?
- Uh, yes.

- The alcohol poisoned me.
He's calling you.

He's trying to get into my head
before finals.

It's like I kind of...

despise/fear-spect him
at the same time.

Will you please answer that?
It's like kettle bells
slamming into my eardrums.

- What do you want?

- She's dying
right in front of me!

- Okay, uh, calm down.
Who's dying? Call 9-1-1.

- We don't have insurance!
She's not gonna make it!

Come to my mom's house!
- Okay, Joe,

this is very inappropriate.
It's very inappropriate, okay?
I am--

- You are the only person I know

that cares about both of us.
Please.

- Joe, I...

Joe! Oh, my God.

I'm gonna go.
I'll be right back.

Just go for a run
and keep hydrating.

I'll have them make you a shake.
You should have
a cucumber shake.

- "Uh, I'm Joe. My mom's dying.

I gotta call my ex-girlfriend
to save me."

Get out of my head, Joe Force!

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I can use this.

I can get into the head
of my rival.

Yeah.

Method dancing.

- Is she gonna make it?

- C'mere. C'mere.

Hold the pliers.
No matter what happens,
don't let go.

If she shuts down again,
she's a goner.

- Just save her!
Anything you can do!

- Where's Janet? Is she okay?
- What? Janet?
No, my baby's dying.

- Engine's going.
Give her some gas.

- Yeah, okay.
- No, not you, her! The pliers.

- You hear him.
Captain's chair now!

- Oh, my God, you're impossible!
- Just give it some gas.

Too much gas. Too much gas!
- Don't let go!

Call for help.
I can't feel my face.

- How does it feel
to put another good man
in the hospital?

When you left me for Barry
after the finals,

I spent the night
in the emergency room.

- Oh, you sprained your ankle,
you pansy.

- You can't leave
without saying goodbye to her.

She was part
of both of our lives.

This right here,
this dent is from you
doing the Macarena

at Phony Terry's
Full Moon Kegger.

- Never done the Macarena.

- And then in here,
there's nail polish.

You were doing your toes
on the dash,
and we hit a raccoon.

Remember?
We had to drive over him again
to put him out of his misery,

and then we buried him
and we cried
and held each other for hours?

- Ruined Ricky.
- Yeah.
- Oh, poor little guy.

We had to bury him
on the side of...
Oh, my God, dammit!

No. Every memory you cherish
is one I have tried to repress.

- Just help me
say goodbye to her
like we said goodbye to Ricky.

She's still warm.

- It's like you have a low-grade
super power fuelled by pity.

- Okay, good enough for me.
Let's load her up.

- You cannot steal
that man's tow truck!

- It's not stealing
if he doesn't know it's gone.

He hit his head. It's fine.
I'm taking my girls
on a farewell tour.

- Oh, my God.

- That's a... dope shrine.

It's like
a Republicanquinceañera.

- Thank you, Clarence.
The purpose
of this promotional interview

is to get our story out there
so we can win over the audience
and the judges at finals.

- It is beautiful,
but shouldn't we show

a more honest version
of Fitness by Force?

- You have got a point there,
Tina.

We need to give the crowd
something to root for, don't we?

Which is why...

we are now Janet's Home
for Wayward Dancers.

Orphaned boy, trained to be...

a genre-defying dancer.

Rowdy hooligan,

groomed to be a gentleman.

A diamond in the rough,
cleaned and cut to be...

uh, semi-polished.

- Yeah, a has-been singer
turned fly fitness instructor.
Where's my man Joe at?

- Alright, I got this.
Yo, J-Rock,

let me popcorn shrimp this
for you right--

- No more thuggy gibberish.

My idiot son is not answering
his cellular phone,

so I will be starring
in this interview.

So does anyone know
where I am standing?

- Ooh! The exact spot
where the Colonel died.

- Exactly, Tina. So I want you
to put the lights out here,

because this is where
I'm going to pull
at the judges' heartstrings,

win over
the aerobics community again,

and seal our victory.

Tina, you have to come with me.
We've got to do something
about your featureless face.

- Ten-hut!

If you know your enemy
and know yourself,

you need not fear the result
of a hundred battles.

Who said that? Sun Tzu.

Old Chinese guy who wrote
the Art of War.

I'm not pointing at you
for any reason, Chad P.

It's arbitrary.
I know you're vaguely Asian.

Maybe it's a sign.
Maybe you're like Harry Potter.
You know, the finger chose you.

Drop it. Now,

today we become our enemy
so we can learn their tactics.

Now, they won't beat us,

but doesn't hurt
to cover our bases.

So drink up,
my nimble-footed warriors.

- Ah... that's vodka in there.

I'm 17.

- What? Oh, shit.
Um, yeah,

you can take
the rest of the day off, Chad P.
Go home. Scram!

Await my text.

Good form.

- Doesn't make any sense.

- You underestimating Joe Force?

Are you gonna be the weak link
that falls for one
of his dirty tricks?

I thought I could trust you,
Denise.

- Mr. Cross, you can.
I just don't drink.

Alcohol makes me puffy.

- Yeah, you've only had,
like, a swig,

and you look a little
like a jellyfish right now.
That's a good word for it.

But with winning
comes sacrifice.

Now, we need to go
to the underworld

to understand what the underdog,
our foe, is thinking.

We need to feel
what it feels like

to feel like them
so we can crush them!

Now, who's with me
on going on this quest?

Okay.

Now...
we dance like Joe Force.

The stance, belly out,
ass is kind of like... ugh.

You want to look
like a six-foot toddler.

Ah... I've got my centre.

He doesn't have a centre.

Literally,
he's built like a narwhal,
like the Hamburgler.

Joe Force is like a hippo
in Spandex.
He doesn't know.

His body, it's like literally...

filling a giant sack
of bowling balls,

and spinning it around.

Okay, but then land it,

and exude this.

Make a note of that, okay?
Call that the dumb, fat smile.

- Why did you bring me here?
- This is your old house.

- One of them.
We were evicted from several.

That's why I spent so much time
with your family.
- Don't you remember?

I used to park around the corner
so your drunk dad
wouldn't see me,

and then I'd wait for you
to crawl out your window.

- Joe, please, do me a favour.
Look at your car.
It hasn't been washed in years.

It is full of trash

and fast food
and cheap alcohol,

and it died
because no one took care of it.

Oh, my God, the car is you.

You need to let it go.
It's time to let go.

- That car has character,
like me. That is character.

- That's what I thought. Okay.
- Just help me say goodbye
to her, okay?

- Well, let's get to it.

From what I remember,
at the next stop,
you didn't last too long.

Oh, no,
don't move your hips like that!

Don't move your hips.
No, don't! Don't look at me!

Don't dirty talk!
Ah , shit, I'm done!

Was it good for you?

- That was the best minute
of your life!
- 45 seconds!

- A little longer than that.

Joe, where are you?

The CAC promo shoot
is in a few hours.

Janet is giving all of us
a makeover!

And it's horrible!
Please come back.

- first time we kissed...

...you had swamp hands.

- you got sloppy
on wine coolers,

drooled all over my shirt,
and I had to go change.

- Maybe that was a move
to get your shift off,
a move that still works today.

- Oh, shut up.

Think little high-school kids
still come down here
for short and sweet quickies?

- I don't know. I hope so.

Remember what we used to do
when we were...?

- Look, stop that.

Please... stop.

Just... say your goodbyes

and we will head back
for the interview.

- Oh, come on.
Don't be so uptight.
- I'm not uptight.

- Here's one from childhood.

My dad is a prick
and I get boners

when my math teacher
chews her pencil!

- Oh, my God, ew.
- She was so hot.

Come on.
- No.
- Oh, come on.

You know this is where
you got the idea for Rage Cycle.

Come on.
- Okay, no, no.
That was an original idea--

- Sure.
--and... Whatever. Um...

My mom can't afford good cereal
and...

boys are always 100 times worse
when they're around
their stupid-ass friends!

Okay, that was fun.
- I live with my mom,

and my life is falling apart!!

- I watch gay porn!

Oh.

- There you go.

And now you have features.

Ooh, spin around
for the nice, single men, Tina.

- Oh, get... Damn, Tina.
What are you doing?

You gonna quit the squad
and be a rodeo clown?

- Don't listen to him.
He was probably forced
to wear makeup in prison.

- Snap, J-Rock. You're on point.
But seriously, on the record,

the only thing
I gave up in prison
was a breakfast croissant.

- Hmm.
- I mean, come on, Tina,

I mean...
we like you all-natural.

- Hey, yo, yo, yo,

those people that ask questions
and record things are here.

- Joe is not here, guys.
We can't start.

- Jolly good!
Lights, camera, action! Come on.

- Does that sound good?
- Mm.

- I'm like a 1970s
talk-show announcer.

Okay, we can't underestimate
the enemy.

They're gonna be this lazy
and distracted

and uncoordinated.

Other Chad, you're a mess.

- Will the enemy not be able
to feel their legs and lips?

- Yes, and they're gonna be
thinking about food

when they're dancing
because they're fat.

By the way,
is anyone really hungry?

- Starving.

- I mean who...
who's gonna tell us

when and what to eat?

Am I right, guys?

Sometimes working out
is not fun.

You know, "Ugh, I'm sweating.
I'm lifting weights."

Know what? From now on,
we're coming up with new rules,

and rule number one:
I want to hug you.

Bring it in. Bring it in. Oh.

Look at him. He went to sleep.

Sleep, gentle child, sleep.

Okay. Okay, everyone,
stop working out.

Stop it! Stop lifting.
Stop trying so hard!

It's annual cheat day.
Stuffed-crust pizza
for everyone!

Oh, um, but, guys,

do not purge in the bathroom.
Remember last time,
we had Mongolian barbecue.

It was like a crime scene
in there.

- And because I've been
so blessed in my life,

I felt that it was important
somehow to give back,

so I started an aerobic team
with at-risk youth,

and my son,
who is not a youth,

but definitely at-risk
for many things.

- Cut!

This is a bit off-topic.

- Oh,
it's just a tasteful ode...

to the first lady of fitness.

- Well, for starters,
I see Janet Force,

not Jane Fonda, on this shrine.

- That woman stole
my personal stylist,
François Peppercorn,

and I can prove it
if you turn that camera back on.

- Still off-topic, but whatever,
lady. Roll tape.

Yo, T,

she's killing us, man.

- Stay here.
I'm gonna go find Joe.

- Oh, no!

- What?
- What's wrong?
- What? Nothing's wrong.

- You're smiling.
You're having a good time.
It's like it's the old Claudia.

Are you okay?
- You're stupid.
- Are you okay, having fun?

- Shut up.

You know,

that was always our problem.
You never understood me.

- I didn't understand anything.
I was in high school.

All I understood
was beer and boobs,
and even boobs were confusing.

- Yeah, we're aware.
- No, I just didn't know
how much to work it.

- Yeah, that's the problem.
You don't turn it like a knob.

- I'm good at it now.
- Congratulations,
you learned something.

Okay, stop.

Stop. Don't make me laugh.
I'm a serious person.

What? What are you doing?

- Okay, you were there too.

There is a lot of tension here.

- I don't do tension.
I don't do feelings.
I don't do emotions.

I don't do things
that get in the way.

- I know. That's why I hate
seeing you with Barry.

We used to be
really good together,
in high school.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

That's what this is all about.

This... car is the last tie
you have to me and you.

That's why you're having
a hard time letting it go.

You think
there's still a chance with us.

- Yeah, maybe. I don't know.
I'm not a therapist.

- I'm married!
I'm married to a man
who really understands me,

who... who is the kind of man
who just sees what he wants
and he takes it.

- Oh, so he just bops you
over the head
and drags you back to his cave?

- Wow.
I should never have come.

- It is the third-worst day
of my life
and you're leaving me?

Again?!

- Always about you!

Fuck!

- What happened to your face?

- Your mother.

- I'm sorry. I know...

I should be there
to help keep her in check.

- Joe, we need you
to lead the interview.
You're the face of the gym.

Did you spend the whole day
trying to sleep
with your ex-girlfriend?

- No.

Okay.

My baby deserves
a better burial.

- Does she?
Seems kind of fitting.

- Bye, old girl.

We had a good run.

- What is it? Oh, okay,
please don't do that.

What is going on here?
Where is Barry?

- Who?
- My husband, your boss.

- See, Mommy's home!
Look.

Be-lish-lish got his glow back.

Gimme that.
- Oh, okay, okay.

Um, I see that you
beat your hangover.

You got wasted again
and did a lot of other things.

- Well,
I've been method dancing.

See, I get into Joe's head
so I can figure out
how to beat him.

- Everything extremist.
And what did we learn?

- Um, well, I've been doing
lots of experiments.
- Uh-huh.

- I've been compiling
all the data,

but I don't remember anything
after lunch.

- Yeah, that's what I figured.

I actually spent the day
studying Joe.

Apparently,
he thrives on pity power.

- Okay, I figured out
that I can only be nice to him
when I'm drinking,

but the bad news is,
it makes me weak-minded.

- As do
all those messy emotions.

- See, this is why I love you.
You don't care
what other people want.

- And that's what I love
about you.

We are going to get
everything we want.

- What would I do without you?
- Oh, I hope you never find out.

- Mm...
Mm-mm-mm!

- Let's say
we get that blood flowing

to sober you up
for that interview?

- Hmm. Wait.
Oh, right here? Yeah.

Oh, hang on a second. Ha-ha.
Cross Control: PA system.

You weak, weak, weak-minded -
that's amazing -

weak-minded simpletons.

You fell for the classic
double-double cross.

I want you to all drop
your carbs

and give me 50 burpees
on the doub...

oh-ho-ho-le.

- And action.

- I'd like
to set the record straight.

There's been a lot
of harsh language

being thrown out there:
rivalry, grudge match,
arch enemy.

- Douchebag.

- What I'd like to say is that
we've moved past that phase.

Joe and I have spent
the last few days
actually bonding together.

- Yeah. Yep.

- You see,
Joe's been through a tough time.
- Yeah.

- He lost his father.

He gave up a music career
that was killing him.
- Thriving.

- The important thing for the
aerobics community to remember

is that dance is
a form of healing.

- I can't. I mean, you guys
aren't buying this, right?

This nice-guy thing.
No, no, no, no.

Barry Cross is a two-faced,
turd-sucking prick.

- He's blowing it. We should've
let you do this interview.

- Huh.
Welcome to my train of thought.

- How do you believe anything
that comes out of his mouth?!
It's garbage!

- It's okay. It's okay, guys.

He's grieving.
We grieve with you.

You know what?
I'd like to take a moment

to do something we should've
done a long time ago.

Let's have a moment of silence
for the Colonel.

- Yeah. No, that's my moment
of silence for my father.

We hate each other.

There is a rivalry here.
Rivalries are good.

It forces people
to choose a side.

Are you a soulless douchebag,

or are you an underdog
with nothing to lose?

You decide.

You decide, aerobics world.

- I don't hate him.
I'm trying to help him.
- No, we hate each other.

- No.
- Yes. No, we do. He hates me
'cause I banged his wife.

- I banged her too.
- No, I banged...
but I banged her first.

- Now, it's also something
you tried to do earlier today,

but failed at again.
We're all trying to help him.

- I can't. I can't.
I just can't.
- My wife included.

- I can't, I can't. I can't.
- Joe, please.

- I hate you. I hate you.
- I love you. Okay, friend.

We'll see you. And we'll see you
at the aerobics finals.

- Next time
on Let's Get Physical:

- Oh, my God.
- What happened to your son?

- So I'm dreaming. Even though
you're dressed like an angel,
I'm not dead.

Oh, wow. I look pretty good
for an old guy.

Your wife has been cheating
on you, Barry!
With her mommy.

I'm rehearsing
my finals performance.

- So show me what you got.