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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:02,650 Hello, Fran Fernandez? 2 00:00:02,863 --> 00:00:04,375 Er, yes? 3 00:00:04,504 --> 00:00:07,250 This is Linda from the Fraud Prevention Team. 4 00:00:07,446 --> 00:00:10,364 We've noticed some suspicious activity on your card. 5 00:00:10,382 --> 00:00:12,390 As a precaution, Mrs Fernandez, 6 00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:14,883 I'd like to go through some of your recent purchases. 7 00:00:14,923 --> 00:00:16,426 Is this a good time? 8 00:00:16,455 --> 00:00:18,522 Yeah, sure. 9 00:00:18,539 --> 00:00:22,363 Did you purchase a couples spa weekend at the Carinthia Hotel? 10 00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:25,247 That was probably my husband. We share an account. 11 00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,725 Sometimes he will make purchases without my knowing. 12 00:00:28,748 --> 00:00:31,695 Oh, I'm sorry. I've probably ruined a nice surprise for you. 13 00:00:31,902 --> 00:00:33,850 Oh, God, don't worry. He won't be taking ME. 14 00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:38,409 OK. You're absolutely sure it's your husband using the card? 15 00:00:38,461 --> 00:00:40,124 Yeah. Pretty sure. 16 00:00:40,337 --> 00:00:42,830 Linda, can I just check the last transaction? 17 00:00:42,881 --> 00:00:45,956 Let's see. 03:35 AM, I've got bottle service 18 00:00:45,996 --> 00:00:47,993 in a nightclub called Snakes And Lads. 19 00:00:48,022 --> 00:00:49,864 Oh, yes, that's definitely Joao. 20 00:00:49,911 --> 00:00:51,189 It's his favourite gay bar. 21 00:00:51,210 --> 00:00:53,929 It's for �2,600. 22 00:00:55,961 --> 00:00:58,523 Gosh. Tha... that is... that is a lot, isn't it? 23 00:00:58,540 --> 00:01:01,533 I will very much bring that up with my husband when he gets home. 24 00:01:01,579 --> 00:01:03,802 - You have a nice day now. - Thanks so much, Linda. 25 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:17,528 Stop trying to run away. 26 00:01:20,556 --> 00:01:21,770 What? 27 00:01:22,727 --> 00:01:25,450 Of course I'm trying to bloody run away! 28 00:01:26,124 --> 00:01:29,095 Will you two please quit cocking about? 29 00:01:29,112 --> 00:01:31,978 You are making a huge mistake. 30 00:01:32,001 --> 00:01:33,625 When my people realise I'm missing, 31 00:01:33,671 --> 00:01:36,630 they're gonna find you two clowns and bury you in your own shit. 32 00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:38,530 Wait. You've got people? 33 00:01:38,587 --> 00:01:40,729 I'm the head of a wealth management firm 34 00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:43,234 operating in over 100 countries. 35 00:01:43,274 --> 00:01:47,183 My house has four AGAs. Of course I have fucking people! 36 00:01:47,206 --> 00:01:49,417 Well, Mr K... 37 00:01:49,624 --> 00:01:51,996 ... also has people... 38 00:01:52,272 --> 00:01:54,218 - Us. - If you pull that trigger, 39 00:01:54,235 --> 00:01:55,749 your boss is gonna lose a lot more 40 00:01:55,766 --> 00:01:58,455 than the few hundred thousand quid I've skimmed. 41 00:02:01,765 --> 00:02:03,014 Hello? 42 00:02:03,981 --> 00:02:06,659 - Yeah, we've got her. - Let me speak to him. Put him on. 43 00:02:06,664 --> 00:02:08,248 She wants to talk to you. 44 00:02:09,042 --> 00:02:11,545 Christian? Hi, good evening. How are you? 45 00:02:11,574 --> 00:02:14,130 Listen, this has all been terrific fun, 46 00:02:14,153 --> 00:02:15,990 but er, here's the thing. 47 00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:18,096 I've been quietly putting all your savings 48 00:02:18,119 --> 00:02:21,390 into a high-security bank account that only I can access. 49 00:02:21,424 --> 00:02:24,959 - Think of it as an insurance policy. - Clever. I'd never think of that. 50 00:02:24,965 --> 00:02:27,976 Yeah, and that's why this suit cost more than everything you two own. 51 00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:29,973 I doubt it. Fran's got an Xbox. 52 00:02:30,008 --> 00:02:32,155 Now, here's the really juicy part. 53 00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:34,493 If I don't sign into that account every six hours, 54 00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:37,958 it becomes permanently frozen. Bye-bye, savings. 55 00:02:37,986 --> 00:02:39,771 Hello, Chicken Cottage. 56 00:02:40,094 --> 00:02:41,562 It's a fast-food restaurant. 57 00:02:41,568 --> 00:02:43,525 My stepson goes there when he's on drugs. 58 00:02:43,773 --> 00:02:47,803 The fact is, I last signed in, let's see, around three hours ago, 59 00:02:47,831 --> 00:02:50,463 so you might want to let me go sooner rather than later. 60 00:02:50,486 --> 00:02:51,690 OK? 61 00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:54,464 Oh. He wants to speak to you. 62 00:02:56,566 --> 00:02:58,050 Get the password how? 63 00:02:58,390 --> 00:02:59,576 Torture her? 64 00:02:59,651 --> 00:03:00,814 Erm... 65 00:03:01,954 --> 00:03:03,854 ... torture isn't really our thing. 66 00:03:03,871 --> 00:03:06,197 We just like a nice clean kill. 67 00:03:06,525 --> 00:03:10,918 Tell him if he lets me go now, I'll split the money 50-50. 68 00:03:12,357 --> 00:03:14,395 Understood. 69 00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:24,015 Waterboarding? 70 00:03:24,072 --> 00:03:25,828 Oh, no, no way. 71 00:03:26,092 --> 00:03:27,491 Racking? 72 00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:28,971 Riding the rail. 73 00:03:28,994 --> 00:03:30,859 The brazen bull? 74 00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:34,428 These torture techniques look like tantric sex positions. 75 00:03:34,434 --> 00:03:36,397 - Fran, this is not our bag. - No. 76 00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:38,365 I mean, it's one thing killing somebody but... 77 00:03:38,411 --> 00:03:40,656 popping their tips in a laminator, I mean... 78 00:03:40,696 --> 00:03:43,126 Listen! Your boss isn't an idiot. 79 00:03:43,146 --> 00:03:45,226 He will take the deal, and when he does, 80 00:03:45,256 --> 00:03:47,626 if you've so much as scuffed my Louboutins, 81 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:49,448 I'm gonna make sure he has you killed, 82 00:03:49,494 --> 00:03:53,126 then resuscitated by a team of very expensive Swiss surgeons 83 00:03:53,155 --> 00:03:54,968 and then killed again. 84 00:04:01,911 --> 00:04:04,104 There's no way we're doing any of that awful stuff. 85 00:04:04,127 --> 00:04:06,826 We need to... We need to think out of the box. 86 00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:09,506 Mints. Extra Strong. 87 00:04:09,533 --> 00:04:12,952 Pop three of these in her mouth at once and... 88 00:04:13,073 --> 00:04:15,198 Not exactly Saw, is it? 89 00:04:16,594 --> 00:04:19,546 - Oh, God, it's Joao. - Is he stealing from you again? 90 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,125 Jamie, it's not stealing. 91 00:04:21,148 --> 00:04:23,641 He's simply taking my money without permission. 92 00:04:23,682 --> 00:04:25,524 - He's been with you for six months? - Mm. 93 00:04:25,552 --> 00:04:28,155 He's got his visa now. You could be out there, 94 00:04:28,178 --> 00:04:32,214 meeting someone that means something to you. Fran... 95 00:04:32,299 --> 00:04:35,386 Do you know, I can totally see you getting it together 96 00:04:35,415 --> 00:04:37,919 with a Salma Hayek figure, yeah? 97 00:04:37,948 --> 00:04:41,848 And she is not gonna steal money from you, because she is loaded. 98 00:04:41,866 --> 00:04:44,913 Can I just say, I dated for years and all I ever got was heartbreak... 99 00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,666 and the occasional bout of oral thrush. 100 00:04:49,746 --> 00:04:51,576 Oi! Loose Women! 101 00:04:51,593 --> 00:04:53,481 Tick-fucking-tock! 102 00:04:53,506 --> 00:04:55,628 Tell Mr K to take the deal! 103 00:04:57,066 --> 00:04:59,255 Fran, talking of oral thrush... 104 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:00,867 I don't have time to give her that now. 105 00:05:00,924 --> 00:05:03,515 No, why don't we seduce her 106 00:05:03,546 --> 00:05:06,325 with a bit of S-and-M hostage role-play? 107 00:05:06,546 --> 00:05:08,064 Now, I'm totally up for it, 108 00:05:08,081 --> 00:05:11,390 but full disclosure, I am on day four of these Spanx, 109 00:05:11,414 --> 00:05:12,479 - so... - Oh, God. 110 00:05:12,490 --> 00:05:14,661 I don't know who would be into that. 111 00:05:14,828 --> 00:05:17,396 - What, you've never tried role-play in the bedroom? - Er... 112 00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:19,791 sex is like life, Jamie. 113 00:05:19,826 --> 00:05:21,973 You just want to rattle through it quickly 114 00:05:22,026 --> 00:05:23,464 and then apologise. 115 00:05:23,533 --> 00:05:25,405 Although, having said that... 116 00:05:25,416 --> 00:05:27,034 ... it doesn't always work. 117 00:05:27,448 --> 00:05:29,038 This guy I'm seeing at the moment. 118 00:05:29,061 --> 00:05:32,141 There is nothing about Colin I can get excited about. 119 00:05:32,158 --> 00:05:35,169 It's like having sex with a piece of Shredded Wheat. 120 00:05:35,330 --> 00:05:37,834 I've burned through most of my role-play repertoire 121 00:05:37,857 --> 00:05:40,673 trying to spice things up a bit, you know, the French maid, 122 00:05:40,706 --> 00:05:42,901 the naughty nurse, the disgraced dentist. 123 00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:44,404 He's not into any of it. 124 00:05:44,433 --> 00:05:48,146 Trust me, this is a waste of everyone's time! 125 00:05:48,226 --> 00:05:50,656 My personal trainer says I have the pain threshold 126 00:05:50,666 --> 00:05:52,913 of someone in a medically-induced coma! 127 00:05:52,988 --> 00:05:54,548 Right. Listen. 128 00:05:54,623 --> 00:05:56,471 If we're gonna get that psycho to break... 129 00:05:56,995 --> 00:05:59,027 - we need to get in here. - Into your head. 130 00:05:59,079 --> 00:06:02,096 Into HER head, Jamie. 131 00:06:02,108 --> 00:06:04,583 - Sounds intense. - It can be. 132 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,736 Leave this to me. 133 00:06:07,853 --> 00:06:10,317 I don't want you to get caught in the crossfire. 134 00:06:11,273 --> 00:06:14,451 Come on. That's it. Let it all out. 135 00:06:14,466 --> 00:06:16,437 I'm... 136 00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:19,592 The thing is, it's really hard, you know, 137 00:06:19,673 --> 00:06:23,623 because I really try and I try, and I don't get anything back. 138 00:06:23,899 --> 00:06:26,110 We're not properly married but... 139 00:06:26,157 --> 00:06:28,022 Fran, you need to wise up. 140 00:06:28,074 --> 00:06:30,601 Tell this Joao what I told my mother last week. 141 00:06:30,626 --> 00:06:32,746 If you can't pay your way, you're on the streets. 142 00:06:35,523 --> 00:06:36,946 Oh. Sorry. 143 00:06:37,026 --> 00:06:38,866 It's just it... Well, it's been... 144 00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:42,490 It's been a while. Just thought I'd check in. 145 00:06:42,691 --> 00:06:46,859 See how the... mind game's going. 146 00:06:48,437 --> 00:06:50,314 I've just been telling Fran here 147 00:06:50,346 --> 00:06:52,455 that she needs to be more assertive with this... 148 00:06:52,524 --> 00:06:55,189 excuse my French, fuck-wit Joao. 149 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,066 He is walking all over her. 150 00:06:57,146 --> 00:06:58,777 - Thank you! - Yeah. 151 00:06:58,828 --> 00:07:00,866 That's what I've been telling her. Fran... 152 00:07:00,930 --> 00:07:03,894 she's right. Joao is taking the piss. 153 00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,656 Yeah, listen to your friend, Fran. 154 00:07:05,673 --> 00:07:08,592 Yeah. I... I will. And you're... you're both right. 155 00:07:08,626 --> 00:07:10,106 I'm gonna go call him now 156 00:07:10,123 --> 00:07:12,760 - and tell him he now I feel. - Oh, good girl! 157 00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:14,574 Thank you. 158 00:07:15,104 --> 00:07:18,092 Keep the pressure up because I think she's about to crack. 159 00:07:18,268 --> 00:07:19,628 Absolutely, mate. 160 00:07:19,708 --> 00:07:20,976 Thank you again. 161 00:07:21,195 --> 00:07:23,348 I'll tidy myself up and speak to him. 162 00:07:25,385 --> 00:07:27,867 Right, you're gonna give me the password. 163 00:07:27,884 --> 00:07:30,861 Come on, then. What have you got? 164 00:07:31,428 --> 00:07:32,686 Joao? 165 00:07:32,795 --> 00:07:34,453 Joao, it's me. 166 00:07:34,781 --> 00:07:36,508 Your sham wife? 167 00:07:36,588 --> 00:07:38,384 Joao, turn the music down. 168 00:07:38,788 --> 00:07:41,579 Turn the music down! 169 00:07:42,948 --> 00:07:44,924 I don't care there's a foam party. 170 00:07:44,948 --> 00:07:47,383 Just please get them out of the house. 171 00:07:47,475 --> 00:07:48,788 OK, listen. 172 00:07:48,817 --> 00:07:52,110 I will shut down that joint account unless you start contributing. 173 00:07:52,628 --> 00:07:54,101 Contributing. 174 00:07:54,548 --> 00:07:57,406 Con... Oh, fuck, hang on, what is it? 175 00:07:57,428 --> 00:07:59,208 Con... Oh, hang on. 176 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:01,953 Contribuir... that's it! 177 00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:07,428 How are you er... doing with those? 178 00:08:08,241 --> 00:08:11,844 - Ready to talk? - I've actually had a bit of a sniffle coming on, 179 00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:14,613 so it is helping to clear out the old nasal passage. 180 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,403 I'm actually rubbish at this torture stuff. 181 00:08:17,428 --> 00:08:19,647 Jamie, don't do yourself down. 182 00:08:20,039 --> 00:08:22,406 I think you're the brains of this outfit. 183 00:08:22,428 --> 00:08:24,451 - Really? - Yes, it's so obvious. 184 00:08:24,479 --> 00:08:27,154 Fran's out there, yacking away to her husband 185 00:08:27,182 --> 00:08:29,195 while you're in here manning the ship. 186 00:08:29,748 --> 00:08:31,948 You're the one who's really in charge. 187 00:08:32,401 --> 00:08:35,667 And that's why I'm going to give you the password. 188 00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:36,915 For what? 189 00:08:37,482 --> 00:08:38,908 The bank account. 190 00:08:38,988 --> 00:08:41,401 - Wait, seriously? - Yes. 191 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,626 OK. Are you ready? 192 00:08:43,748 --> 00:08:45,412 The password is... 193 00:08:45,716 --> 00:08:46,891 two. 194 00:08:48,502 --> 00:08:50,897 That's it, just two? 195 00:08:50,952 --> 00:08:53,896 Yeah. Nice and simple so I don't forget it. 196 00:08:54,135 --> 00:08:55,604 Smart. 197 00:08:57,148 --> 00:08:58,916 Are you gonna call your boss and tell him? 198 00:08:59,068 --> 00:09:01,569 I actually... I'm not allowed to call Mr K. 199 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:03,489 - It's usually Fran... - Uh-oh-oh-oh, Jamie? 200 00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:06,764 I thought we'd just agreed that you're in charge? 201 00:09:07,358 --> 00:09:09,665 - Who's the one who's got the password? - The password? 202 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,277 - To the bank account! - Yes. Yes, yes, yes. 203 00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:14,870 Wait, what was it again? 204 00:09:14,884 --> 00:09:16,021 - Two! - Two. 205 00:09:16,508 --> 00:09:18,002 Two. Got it. 206 00:09:19,973 --> 00:09:22,644 Can you imagine how pleased he'll be when you call and tell him? 207 00:09:23,032 --> 00:09:26,148 He'll probably give you some kind of special reward. 208 00:09:26,228 --> 00:09:27,876 I don't know what you're into. 209 00:09:28,148 --> 00:09:29,231 A... 210 00:09:29,628 --> 00:09:30,889 bicycle? 211 00:09:31,092 --> 00:09:32,248 Or a... 212 00:09:32,868 --> 00:09:33,901 button? 213 00:09:35,428 --> 00:09:37,554 Hoo. Great news. 214 00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:41,244 Joao has finally agreed to pull his weight financially. 215 00:09:41,268 --> 00:09:43,556 Great. Yep, he's planning to set up a nightclub, 216 00:09:43,579 --> 00:09:45,855 which, if my Portuguese translation is correct, 217 00:09:45,868 --> 00:09:48,332 I think he's gonna call Cock-A-Hoop. 218 00:09:50,442 --> 00:09:52,169 - What are you doing? - Calling Mr K. 219 00:09:52,178 --> 00:09:53,721 Why? You're not supposed to do that! 220 00:09:53,748 --> 00:09:56,848 Hang on, I broke her. I've got the password. It's two. 221 00:09:57,275 --> 00:09:59,192 - What do you mean it's two? - It's two. 222 00:09:59,209 --> 00:10:01,143 It's just two. Can you believe it? 223 00:10:01,148 --> 00:10:03,693 No, I can't believe it because it's not just two. 224 00:10:03,708 --> 00:10:05,265 She's playing... Give me that. 225 00:10:05,368 --> 00:10:07,124 No! Just cos you're jealous. 226 00:10:07,170 --> 00:10:09,519 - Cos I'm manning the ship. - Rubbish! 227 00:10:10,828 --> 00:10:13,141 Er, hello, Mr K? Yep, erm... 228 00:10:13,191 --> 00:10:15,595 Well, we just wanted to ring in and erm... 229 00:10:15,674 --> 00:10:18,488 well, just see how you are, really. How are you? 230 00:10:18,522 --> 00:10:20,111 And how's... 231 00:10:21,786 --> 00:10:23,277 Right. Just shut the fuck up. 232 00:10:23,312 --> 00:10:25,194 I will do that. And... 233 00:10:25,468 --> 00:10:27,618 Yeah, I'll get on with it now. 234 00:10:28,068 --> 00:10:31,061 Yes, because my life depends on it. 235 00:10:31,388 --> 00:10:33,692 Thank you for... Lovely to catch up. 236 00:10:33,962 --> 00:10:36,956 This is turning out to be quite fun. 237 00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:49,919 If we can't make her give us the password in the next hour, 238 00:10:49,948 --> 00:10:51,362 we are both dead. 239 00:10:51,382 --> 00:10:55,010 Mate, I promise you, I'm pushing my brain to the absolute limit. 240 00:10:58,496 --> 00:11:00,923 - Who's that? - Oh... 241 00:11:01,287 --> 00:11:03,143 God, it's Colin. 242 00:11:04,388 --> 00:11:05,463 - That's Colin? - Yep. 243 00:11:05,509 --> 00:11:07,119 - Colin you've been seeing? - Yes. 244 00:11:07,148 --> 00:11:08,466 - Mr Shredded Wheat? - Yep. 245 00:11:09,510 --> 00:11:11,645 God. You didn't tell me he was coming. 246 00:11:11,668 --> 00:11:13,819 You also didn't tell me he was so insanely hot. 247 00:11:13,829 --> 00:11:16,438 I dropped a pin, and he's brought us some soup. 248 00:11:16,469 --> 00:11:18,856 Erm... that's your boyfriend? 249 00:11:18,997 --> 00:11:20,894 What escort agency is he with? 250 00:11:21,001 --> 00:11:22,323 What does he think we do? 251 00:11:22,358 --> 00:11:24,674 TV licence inspectors. 252 00:11:24,830 --> 00:11:26,087 That's not even a thing anymore. 253 00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:27,954 You might as well have said we're chimney sweeps. 254 00:11:28,005 --> 00:11:29,392 What do you tell Joao? 255 00:11:29,453 --> 00:11:32,134 - He's never really asked. - Does Colin charge by the hour? 256 00:11:32,195 --> 00:11:34,026 Will you shut up? Or I'll kill you. 257 00:11:34,062 --> 00:11:35,404 You won't get the password. 258 00:11:35,424 --> 00:11:38,170 Fine. I'll wee in a bath every day and drown you in it. 259 00:11:38,417 --> 00:11:40,652 I've got a client who'd pay a lot of money for that. 260 00:11:40,708 --> 00:11:43,140 The soup is gonna be cold. 261 00:11:43,548 --> 00:11:45,587 - So let's deal with this. - Hey, babe. 262 00:11:45,653 --> 00:11:47,028 Hi. 263 00:11:48,655 --> 00:11:49,866 Sorry I'm late. 264 00:11:49,886 --> 00:11:52,132 The orphanage is really understaffed the moment, 265 00:11:52,147 --> 00:11:54,171 - so it was tough to get away. - Whatever. 266 00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:56,628 - You must be Fran. - Hi. 267 00:11:56,663 --> 00:11:59,403 Did you say you worked... in an orphanage? 268 00:11:59,449 --> 00:12:00,748 Volunteer. 269 00:12:00,828 --> 00:12:02,602 My day job is swimwear modelling, 270 00:12:02,628 --> 00:12:04,534 but that's just to put bread on the table. 271 00:12:04,630 --> 00:12:07,961 My true passion has always been my work with disadvantaged kids. 272 00:12:07,991 --> 00:12:09,783 Do you do couples? 273 00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,170 - Who's that? - TV licence dodger. 274 00:12:12,371 --> 00:12:13,647 You put them in the van with you? 275 00:12:13,662 --> 00:12:16,453 Well, it's the only way those cheating bastards will learn. 276 00:12:16,553 --> 00:12:17,633 Yes. 277 00:12:17,966 --> 00:12:19,465 - Thank you. - No worries. 278 00:12:19,511 --> 00:12:21,236 It was worth it just to see you. 279 00:12:21,287 --> 00:12:23,119 Listen, Jamie... 280 00:12:23,468 --> 00:12:25,328 - Now what? - I was thinking a lot about, 281 00:12:25,349 --> 00:12:27,074 you know, the other night. 282 00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:29,285 I can get into the naughty nurse thing, 283 00:12:29,311 --> 00:12:30,824 as long as we make it clear 284 00:12:30,829 --> 00:12:32,959 that I'm only naughty in my own time. 285 00:12:34,735 --> 00:12:36,441 What about the croutons? 286 00:12:36,557 --> 00:12:39,230 Just leave them outside. Cheers. 287 00:12:40,908 --> 00:12:43,322 You know, I usually use Omega Escorts, 288 00:12:43,348 --> 00:12:46,468 but the last one they sent me was such a let-down. 289 00:12:46,471 --> 00:12:48,550 Six-foot seven, completely hairless 290 00:12:48,588 --> 00:12:50,437 and hung like a frightened lab rat. 291 00:12:50,538 --> 00:12:52,818 God, he's such a dork. 292 00:12:56,411 --> 00:12:58,787 That's it. Off you fuck. 293 00:12:59,054 --> 00:13:02,068 Vegetable soup! 294 00:13:02,512 --> 00:13:04,253 Classic Colin. 295 00:13:04,468 --> 00:13:06,776 If you're not going to eat it, can I have some? 296 00:13:06,811 --> 00:13:07,830 Sure. 297 00:13:07,876 --> 00:13:09,808 Whoa! Whoa, there. 298 00:13:09,929 --> 00:13:12,710 If she's that hungry, we can maybe use it to break her. 299 00:13:13,512 --> 00:13:16,262 I'm not gonna get so hungry in the next two hours 300 00:13:16,268 --> 00:13:19,526 that I give up millions of pounds. I'm not a cartoon bear! 301 00:13:19,552 --> 00:13:21,055 All right, fine. 302 00:13:27,731 --> 00:13:29,268 It's quite nice, actually. 303 00:13:31,213 --> 00:13:33,590 - God. What a fuck-up. - I know, right? 304 00:13:33,591 --> 00:13:36,370 Vegetable soup. He is such a tit. 305 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,389 No... Oh, forget it. 306 00:13:39,605 --> 00:13:41,078 Hang on, what's in that? 307 00:13:41,896 --> 00:13:44,348 Ooh, er... onions... 308 00:13:44,428 --> 00:13:46,706 celery, soy sauce... 309 00:13:46,747 --> 00:13:49,966 Soy sauce? Shitting hell! I am seriously allergic to soy! 310 00:13:49,988 --> 00:13:51,525 You have to get me to a hospital. 311 00:13:51,548 --> 00:13:54,336 - Oh, nice try. - No, I'm not fucking around! 312 00:13:54,348 --> 00:13:56,042 Bullshit! 313 00:13:58,903 --> 00:14:01,138 Oh, God! Stay with us, 314 00:14:01,148 --> 00:14:02,945 you horrid, fancy cow! 315 00:14:03,081 --> 00:14:05,696 Oh, God, she's passing out! No, we need to keep alive 316 00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:07,391 until she gives us the password. 317 00:14:08,562 --> 00:14:11,398 - What do you do with allergic reactions? - I don't know. 318 00:14:11,428 --> 00:14:12,927 How about a YouTube tutorial? 319 00:14:12,948 --> 00:14:14,426 That's a great idea. Look it up. 320 00:14:14,713 --> 00:14:16,641 Breathe. Breathe. 321 00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,160 - First aid. - Yeah. 322 00:14:18,231 --> 00:14:19,669 - Allergic reaction. - Great! 323 00:14:19,881 --> 00:14:22,212 - I know what you're thinking... - Skip the ad! 324 00:14:22,232 --> 00:14:24,402 - How do I skip it? - Skip ad"! Four seconds. 325 00:14:25,002 --> 00:14:27,677 - Bottom right! - There's no skip... Got it! 326 00:14:27,687 --> 00:14:31,679 Hello, and welcome to Emergency Room For You. 327 00:14:32,269 --> 00:14:34,418 In this three-hour tutorial... 328 00:14:34,761 --> 00:14:37,854 For fuck sake! Maybe we should take her to hospital. 329 00:14:37,868 --> 00:14:40,917 - No, it's too risky. - Who else is gonna help us with this? 330 00:14:41,154 --> 00:14:43,787 - ... dairy, shellfish... - No! 331 00:14:43,838 --> 00:14:46,960 - I am not calling Liz and Charles. - Do we have a choice? 332 00:14:49,035 --> 00:14:52,561 Calling Mr K's A-team to mop up your mess again? 333 00:14:52,605 --> 00:14:53,908 So pathetic. 334 00:14:53,988 --> 00:14:57,085 Setting up all this shit just so you have an excuse to see me. 335 00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:59,310 In my dreams. Er, your dreams. Fuck sake! 336 00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:02,191 There we go. She should be absolutely fine. 337 00:15:03,628 --> 00:15:05,108 You skip lunch? 338 00:15:05,611 --> 00:15:07,708 Cos you got some hungry eyes, girl. 339 00:15:10,828 --> 00:15:12,701 Thanks, Charles. You're a lifesaver. 340 00:15:12,708 --> 00:15:14,345 Oh, no, honestly, it's been an honour. 341 00:15:14,366 --> 00:15:17,781 It's been really lovely to flex the old medical muscles again. 342 00:15:17,877 --> 00:15:20,707 Reminds me of my time when I was an Army nurse in Helmand. 343 00:15:20,738 --> 00:15:22,357 Good times. Can't go back. 344 00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:25,087 Literally. We left it in an absolute mess. 345 00:15:25,108 --> 00:15:27,470 Come on, Charles! We got better things to do than... 346 00:15:27,530 --> 00:15:29,049 bail out these assholes. 347 00:15:29,064 --> 00:15:32,006 Well, if Mr K loses all his money, you'll be out of job. 348 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:34,614 Anyway, why are you all dressed up in that sexy outfit? 349 00:15:34,628 --> 00:15:37,067 I mean, not that I find it sexy. Not my bag at all. 350 00:15:37,082 --> 00:15:38,844 Don't like it. Can't look at it. Urgh. 351 00:15:38,874 --> 00:15:40,832 We're infiltrating a sex party. 352 00:15:40,887 --> 00:15:42,331 Billionaire Russian pervs. 353 00:15:42,336 --> 00:15:43,709 Why don't we get jobs like that? 354 00:15:43,748 --> 00:15:45,288 Yeah, well, no offence, 355 00:15:45,313 --> 00:15:49,436 but you're less high-end sex party, more Warhammer convention. 356 00:15:50,057 --> 00:15:52,908 Righty-ho, keep her off anything soy-based. 357 00:15:53,028 --> 00:15:54,908 She was very lucky this time. 358 00:15:56,066 --> 00:15:58,473 Charles, we couldn't borrow that stuff, could we? 359 00:15:58,801 --> 00:16:00,723 Yeah, sure. Why not? 360 00:16:00,966 --> 00:16:02,167 Thanks. 361 00:16:02,548 --> 00:16:05,068 Charles, are they really gonna let you in wearing that? 362 00:16:05,097 --> 00:16:06,943 Me? Oh, I'm actually not going in. 363 00:16:06,974 --> 00:16:09,143 I'm gonna be in the car park. Liz's orders. 364 00:16:09,158 --> 00:16:10,646 So why are you wearing that? 365 00:16:11,993 --> 00:16:14,668 - Just feels nice. - Fuck sake, Charles! Let's go! 366 00:16:14,748 --> 00:16:17,050 OK. 367 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:19,428 Why did you keep talking to those idiots? 368 00:16:19,472 --> 00:16:21,637 I was boiling in there with his goddamn thing on. 369 00:16:21,662 --> 00:16:24,266 My body's slicker than a fucking sea otter right now! 370 00:16:24,312 --> 00:16:25,700 Other side. 371 00:16:26,108 --> 00:16:29,096 - Give us the password. - No. 372 00:16:29,594 --> 00:16:32,307 All right. Jamie, what have we got? 373 00:16:32,401 --> 00:16:35,202 Ooh, I've got tofu, edamame beans, 374 00:16:35,215 --> 00:16:36,893 miso dressing, Taste The Difference. 375 00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,748 Flumps, some teriyaki... 376 00:16:38,788 --> 00:16:39,988 Sorry, Flumps? 377 00:16:40,022 --> 00:16:41,388 - Do they have soy in them? - No. 378 00:16:41,449 --> 00:16:43,044 Sorry, I got those for me. 379 00:16:43,054 --> 00:16:45,935 You can't kill me. We both know you're bluffing. 380 00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:48,826 You're right, I can't kill you, but what I can do... 381 00:16:48,872 --> 00:16:51,672 is just take you to the very brink... 382 00:16:51,728 --> 00:16:55,320 again and again and again, and then just bring you back. 383 00:16:55,416 --> 00:16:58,871 Anyway, Jamie, I think I'd like to start with the 384 00:16:59,124 --> 00:17:01,364 salmon teriyaki, please. 385 00:17:02,679 --> 00:17:05,701 - Shouldn't we start small? - Oh, I'm done fucking around. 386 00:17:06,508 --> 00:17:07,868 Let us commence. 387 00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:12,070 Mmm. 388 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,545 Oh, fine, fine, fine! 389 00:17:17,748 --> 00:17:19,997 I'll give you the password. 390 00:17:21,188 --> 00:17:24,089 It's encrypted so you need to take to my office. 391 00:17:25,228 --> 00:17:28,333 Now get that sushi out of my face! 392 00:17:34,192 --> 00:17:35,988 How long's this gonna take? 393 00:17:36,068 --> 00:17:38,147 I'm going as fast as I can. 394 00:17:38,148 --> 00:17:40,207 There's a very complex security system. 395 00:17:40,228 --> 00:17:41,748 This isn't Pigeon Canyon. 396 00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:45,508 - What's Pigeon Canyon? - It's an online game for children. 397 00:17:45,588 --> 00:17:47,109 My stepson got kicked off it 398 00:17:47,110 --> 00:17:49,046 for using it as a platform to sell Ecstasy. 399 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,268 - Oh, is this him? - Please don't touch that. 400 00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,723 - It's very precious. - See? You love him really. 401 00:17:53,748 --> 00:17:55,999 No, I loathe him but the frame is a Lalique. 402 00:17:58,502 --> 00:18:00,091 Oh, God, it's Joao. 403 00:18:00,399 --> 00:18:02,907 "My heart is chock-a-block with sorry." 404 00:18:02,908 --> 00:18:04,950 He's using some rubbish new translation app. 405 00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:07,746 Erm, "Cock-A-Hoop is a no-go-go-go, 406 00:18:07,751 --> 00:18:10,153 but I will promise I will find wet assets." 407 00:18:10,163 --> 00:18:12,389 I presume he means "liquid". There's a... 408 00:18:12,419 --> 00:18:14,148 Hang on, there's a link to a page. 409 00:18:14,185 --> 00:18:15,547 See? He's not all bad. 410 00:18:15,557 --> 00:18:18,751 Mate, I was too quick to judge him. It's an eBay page. Hang on. 411 00:18:20,188 --> 00:18:21,244 What... ? 412 00:18:21,309 --> 00:18:23,830 Hang on, he's selling all my stuff online. 413 00:18:23,831 --> 00:18:25,351 Look, those are my shoes. 414 00:18:25,421 --> 00:18:27,364 My laptop's selling for a tenner. 415 00:18:27,555 --> 00:18:30,426 You are not bidding on my laptop, Jamie. 416 00:18:33,166 --> 00:18:34,988 Who the fuck is that? 417 00:18:35,644 --> 00:18:39,731 Oh! The cavalry's here. Told you I had people! 418 00:18:46,563 --> 00:18:48,632 Get down. Get down. 419 00:18:50,962 --> 00:18:52,935 - Where's your gun? - It's in the van. 420 00:18:52,955 --> 00:18:54,428 Well, why would you do that? 421 00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,835 - This was our weapon of choice. - Oh, don't be ridic.. 422 00:18:57,365 --> 00:18:58,828 No! 423 00:19:06,068 --> 00:19:08,413 I'm over he... 424 00:19:09,176 --> 00:19:11,611 Ow! You bit me, you bitch! 425 00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:14,070 Is that teriyaki on your hand? 426 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:18,586 Gimme the injection! 427 00:19:18,712 --> 00:19:20,108 Yeah? 428 00:19:20,251 --> 00:19:21,677 Oi! 429 00:19:23,973 --> 00:19:27,682 What are you doing, Brian? You nearly bloody killed me! 430 00:19:27,714 --> 00:19:30,539 - Fran, get the gun! - What do you think I'm trying to do? 431 00:19:38,505 --> 00:19:40,007 Oh, fuck. 432 00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,228 Come here! 433 00:19:45,907 --> 00:19:48,310 Shit! Oh, fuck! 434 00:20:06,555 --> 00:20:08,828 Well, your cavalry's dead. 435 00:20:12,231 --> 00:20:14,647 Help me. Please. 436 00:20:14,668 --> 00:20:17,588 - Only if you give us what we need. - You'll just kill me. 437 00:20:17,668 --> 00:20:19,895 You're gonna die anyway. 438 00:20:19,901 --> 00:20:21,183 If you give us the password, 439 00:20:21,188 --> 00:20:23,548 there's a small chance Mr K might let you live. 440 00:20:30,972 --> 00:20:32,133 Yep. 441 00:20:32,279 --> 00:20:33,778 She's doing it now. 442 00:20:36,629 --> 00:20:38,087 - _ - It's gone. 443 00:20:39,278 --> 00:20:40,706 Have you got it? 444 00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,628 Great. 445 00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:46,459 OK, what do you want us to do with her? 446 00:20:49,523 --> 00:20:50,805 OK. 447 00:20:52,788 --> 00:20:55,124 No, hang on. You said... 448 00:20:55,190 --> 00:20:57,456 I did say it was a very small chance. 449 00:20:57,468 --> 00:20:59,454 - No, no, no, no, no! - Yes! 450 00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:00,708 What? 451 00:21:01,578 --> 00:21:03,516 You've just bought my laptop, haven't you? 452 00:21:03,548 --> 00:21:04,989 Mate, it was real bargain. 453 00:21:11,468 --> 00:21:14,137 I'm thinking I'm finally ready to have a baby, Fran. 454 00:21:24,022 --> 00:21:26,742 - It's fresh... - Why did you just lick that poo? 455 00:21:26,778 --> 00:21:28,060 I don't know. 456 00:21:35,508 --> 00:21:36,941 Why have you got an egg on your head? 457 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,424 It's a responsibility exercise, I'm thinking of having a kid. 458 00:21:44,948 --> 00:21:46,336 Any funny business... 459 00:21:48,593 --> 00:21:49,708 Right. 460 00:21:50,208 --> 00:21:55,208 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 34251

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