Original subtitles

Matching outfits? Check.

Professional photographer? Hired.

A million-dollar smile? Big check.

Nothing's going to keep us

from taking our best family portrait ever.

[scatting]

[sighs]

- Oh, Hubert! - [sigh]

Unexpected complication? Check.

Guess who's got big plans for this year's family portrait?

It's me!

Nope.

All Uncle Donald wants is a normal family photo for once.

That bear was pretty cool once you got to know him.

Everything has to be perfect.

So no shenanigans this time.

I'll try, but I've shenanid-once,

I'll shenan-again.

Zing! "Dewble" entendre.

For the last time,

you cannot charge people money

to watch Della jump off the roof.

But I used to jump off the roof all the time on the moon.

Where there was no gravity.

The more dangerous it is, the more money we can charge.

Hm.

- Still no. - Uncle Scrooge,

is your office all fixed up for the family picture?

We've got about 30 minutes.

Of course it is.

You asked him to do it weeks ago.

He would never break a promise to his family.

Exactly. Now if you'll excuse us,

we have to do something entirely unrelated.

Oh, boy. So are we backing out awkwardly to pull a scheme?

Ready for the photo, Mrs. B?

I'm ready for anything. There's been troubling reports

of a dangerous criminal agent

breaking into houses in the area.

Keep an eye out.

Good thing we have our own professional spy in the house.

Webby, I'm not a spy.

I'm not a spy.

Ha!

Uncle Donald, does something feel, I don't know, off?

[in normal voice] Ahem, well, everything seems perfectly

normal to me.

♪ Duck Tales, whoo-ooh ♪

♪ DUCKTALES (2017) ♪ Season 03 Episode 02

Episode Title: "Quack Pack!"

Aired on: April 04, 2020

[announcer] Quack Pack was taped in front of a live audience.

- What's wrong? - You just sound different.

Scratchy throat. I, uh, haven't been sleeping much

with all the stress of the photo

and the lighting and the Dewey and...

- [gasps] - Oh, right. Sure.

Don't worry. It'll be perfect. Let's go check on the office.

And you'll feel much better once the photographer arrives.

He's the best. A true artiste.

- That's French for "artist." - [inhales and exhales]

Webby, can you keep an eye open for the photographer?

Oh, yeah.

- [grunts] - [doorbell rings]

Knox Quackington, photographer, artiste, extraordinaire.

I'm an observer of life.

I travel the globe,

uncovering mankind's deepest secrets.

He's a spy.

- I'm sorry? - You will be.

I mean, we'll be happy to be your subjects.

[laughs nervously] This way.

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's much too dark in here...

- [loud thud] - [Knox screams]

[Knox] No! Why? Oh, you're so strong!

But so small.

All right, Uncle Scrooge,

how much of the study have you actually fixed?

[gasps]

Oh. That's not so bad.

Aah!

How could you let it get like this?

The first repairman wanted too much to fix it.

And the more I waited, the worse it got,

and the higher the price got,

- and... - Oh, my gosh, you lied.

What a terrible example.

All my future lies are now legally your fault.

Grab a hammer, kids. We've got 20 minutes.

Why don't you just hire somebody?

Time is money, lad,

and I'd rather spend time, because it's not money.

Louie, keep an eye on the door.

Let us know if Huey and Donald are coming.

- Wait, what? - Wait, what?

They're coming.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

How am I supposed to fix this before the photo?

Calm down, guys. We can pick another room.

No, no, no, no, no. This office has the best light

to capture the glint of the buttons on the outfits.

Oh, right. Rebuilding an entire room is much easier

than recapturing button glint.

What was I thinking?

Guys, I can't find the right rakish grin for the photo, and...

You have bigger problems.

- [hyperventilating] - Easy, Uncle D.

You know what you need?

A nice, relaxing scalp massage and haircut for the portrait.

You're in Dewey's hands now.

All right, people, we are in full crisis mode.

According to the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook...

Wait, why are all the pages blank?

Maybe you ran it through the wash.

Back on the moon, we had an old saying:

always check your pockets.

[audience laugh track]

Stop laughing.

I didn't laugh.

What's going on here?

I'd never let anything happen to my JWG.

And where is that laughter coming from?

Breathe. Relax.

Let your professional hairstylist work his magic.

[sighs] Wow, it is so nice

to finally have my own hairstylist.

Wait, since when are you a hairstylist?

Since the Internet.

[cackles]

Guys, something really weird is going on here.

- [audience laugh track] - What is that sound?

The sound of jaws hitting the floor

when I reveal my new "Dew" do.

Shabooey!

What did you do to your hair?

The same thing I did to yours.

What?

- [audience laugh track] - Are you guys hearing that?

Hello? Guys? Guys?

[upbeat sitcom music plays]

Where is that music coming from?

Why are the lights fading? What is happening

[horns honking]

[chorus] ♪ It's the fizzy When you're busy carbonation ♪

♪ So fresh ♪

♪ Say hello to flavor ♪

♪ Let the fruit do the rest ♪

♪ Put that Pep in your step ♪

♪ Pep in your step ♪

♪ Put that Pep in your step ♪

♪ Pep in your step ♪

♪ Fruity sensation ♪

♪ Wave revolution ♪

♪ When it's busy Calm your day ♪

[announcer] Put some Pep in your Step.

And now, back to Quack Pack.

- [audience laugh track] - What is going on?

Everything went black, then someone drank a Pep.

And what is Quack Pack?

Something weird is going on here,

but I can't put my finger on it.

[laughs] You seem stressed.

Look, did I put too much pressure on you

about this photo shoot?

No, I'm stressed because the veil of reality

is disintegrating and no one else seems to notice!

Sounds like someone needs some Pep in his step.

Why don't you get some rest?

I'll handle the photo duties from here.

[screams]

[camera clicks]

Snooping around, seemingly everywhere at once,

pulling all the strings.

I know who you really are.

[clearing throat] It's not what you think.

Put a cork in it, spy.

Phew! I mean, spy?

No, I am just a whimsically eccentric photographer.

Oh, really?

I'm going to get my grandma,

and she's not very nice,

even though she's the world's best grandma.

I really don't have the slightest idea

what you're talking about.

Launchpad.

Yo.

Keep an eye on him. He's a secret agent.

Whoa. An agent?

This guy's really an agent?

Yes, but it's a secret.

So we have to play really quiet.

Two, three, four...

[yelps]

Oh, no, my outfit.

Wait, why am I mad about that?

Guys, something is very wrong.

- Nothing's wrong! - Everything's fine!

- A third thing! - I'm talking about

how we're trapped in a mystical prison

that's constantly laughing at us.

What are you talking about?

- [all] That. - [audience laugh track]

There it is again.

Aah! Who are those little guys?

What little guys? You're talking crazy, Huey.

Wait, is that Randy and Johnny?

Is this an ad?

Wait a second.

It's blank because it's a prop.

No pipes, no insulation.

This isn't real. This is a set.

We're on a TV show!

[audience] Ooh!

Wow, I figured if anyone would crack, it'd be Dewey.

Take it easy, honey.

Back on the moon, I used to snap too.

Of course, that was from soul-crushing loneliness.

Okay, I'll prove it.

In all this time fixing the room,

have you noticed it only has three walls?

Oh, don't be daft, lad. Of course there's a fourth wall.

Oh, really?

Have you actually looked at it?

[audience murmuring]

Okay, that is a little weird.

Aah! We're trapped.

How are we supposed to get out of here?

How does anything happen on a TV show?

We need some wacky hijinks.

On it.

How did I get here? Why am I dancing?

Oh, phooey.

Webby, have you seen the photographer?

Nope. Have you seen the meat tenderizer?

What?

No reason.

Cute girl stuff.

Great. What else could go wrong?

Hiya, neighbor.

[audience cheers]

[chuckles]

Whoa!

Hi, Goofy.

I just came over to borrow some ketchup.

[giggles]

Hm.

Something seems different about you.

New shirt?

[sighs]

What's the matter?

We're taking this big family portrait,

but I can't find the photographer.

Gosh, I wish I could help.

But I got to get back to work at the photography studio.

Wait, Goofy, you can help.

Because I need a photographer.

Oh! Of course.

I'll head down to the studio

and see if one of my fellow photographers can help you.

Say, I'm a photographer.

Why don't I help you instead?

[playing off-key]

[audience cheers]

Thank you, thank you.

And for our next...

Huh?

What in the blazes?

What did you do?

Oh, no. The office. The outfits.

The glint on the buttons. The photo's ruined.

Forget the photo. We're trapped in a TV show.

First we get an audition, and now we get a TV show?

Wow, you're good.

Guys, this is nuts.

Shouldn't we, I don't know, be on an adventure or something?

Well, getting the lid off that peanut butter was an adventure.

I think the lad is right. We should be adventuring.

We need to figure out what happened

before this morning.

Pfft, easy.

Louie broke Della's favorite vase

and learned an important lesson about honesty.

I'm not talking about what happened in the last episode.

I'm talking about how we got stuck here in the first place.

If only I could remember...

[echoing] Remember...

Ah!

[all scream]

Wait, that's it.

We need a flashback.

Everyone, tilt your head to the left

and gently stroke your chins.

Okay, guys, we should really get back to the plot...

Photo.

[harp music]

[Huey] Reminisce harder. It's working!

Suck on stone, you scabrous scorpion scoundrels.

[all hiss]

Beach's journal says the lost lamp of Collie Baba is here.

How many lamps did this jerk have?

All we have to do is beat the scorpions, survive the gauntlet,

then travel four days through the desert on foot.

[all chatter]

[in Donald Duck voice] I wish we could just have

normal family problems.

[cackles]

Your wish is my command.

Shabooey!

[all] Donald!

[in normal voice] Oh, phooey.

- Curse me kilts. - Back on the moon...

- That's how he Dewey's it. - I'm not a spy.

Everyone, stop catchphrasing.

Wait, is "I'm not a spy" seriously my catchphrase?

[audience cheers]

Uncle Donald, you wished for this?

I wish for this five times a day.

How was I supposed to know this time there'd be a lamp under me?

Wait, that genie from the flashback

looked awfully familiar.

[chair thudding]

Hey, where do you think you're going, photographer?

Or should I say, spy? Or should I say, genie?

Okay, okay, you got me.

Shabooey.

The name's Gene.

Nice to meet you.

You're the guy from the Pep commercial.

How many more secrets does this agent have?

Release us from this paranormal TV prison,

you pernicious presto peddler.

Ooh, sorry, I cannot do that.

- [growls] - I'm just a humble genie

carrying out Donald's wish for a perfect family.

This is your idea of the perfect family?

How long have you been in that lamp?

Ages.

The long-ago year of 1990.

Send us home right now, buddy!

This is all just a wacky mix-up, which, to be fair,

usually makes for good TV, am I right?

- [growls] - Sorry, I can't help you.

Only the lamp's master can do that.

He's got two wishes left, you know.

You've been able to wish us out this whole time?

Come on, it's not so bad here, is it?

Silly problems, comforting music,

and everything gets resolves nicely in the end

with no one getting hurt or captured or lost.

But it's not who we are.

We go on adventures, travel the world, defy danger.

That's what makes us, us.

[saccharine music plays]

You know what? Maybe we should be more normal.

If you want out, fine. I'll be in Scrooge's office,

getting ready for our normal family photo.

[door slams]

If Donald won't wish us out,

how long will we be stuck in here?

Well, next week Launchpad has three dates on the same night,

then Louie loses his pet snake in the house.

Probably at least three seasons, plus spinoffs.

And I assume they'll reboot the show eventually.

So, forever?

Yeah. Sorry.

Oh, it's not so bad, guys.

We get to stay here where I'm a star,

and everyone thinks I'm hilarious.

Sha-Dewey, am I right?

[audience laughs]

Dewey, this place is horrifying.

We have to find the lamp and wish ourselves

out of this nightmare.

[audience boos]

[all gasp]

[all cackling]

[all screaming]

The crowd's turned on us. We got to get out of here.

- Go, go, go, go, go! - Careful.

The wish won't make it easy.

[cackles]

[Huey yelps and screams]

[Huey] What are those things?

Horrible flesh-faced monsters!

Run!

I'm trying. Self-esteem too low.

Their disapproval my only weakness.

[all booing]

[all grunt]

What shambolic sorcery is this, genie?

I tried to tell you. Donald made the wish.

If you try to escape,

the wish will only fight to preserve itself.

Everyone split up and try to find the lamp.

Hi, Launchpad, I'm here for our study date.

If you're studying with her,

when were you planning on getting

a burger and shake with me?

- [shrieks] - Or take our romantic

hot-air balloon ride to Aruba?

Oh, jeez, you all seem real nice.

I feel really bad about the mix-up.

See here, young lady.

Take that personal trip yourself.

Discover who you are on your own.

Have some self-respect.

You can find a better study partner than Launchpad!

No offense, LP.

Aah!

Here, we got to look for that lamp.

Check in the couch cushions.

- [hisses] - Aah! My pet snake!

Louie, why would you have this?

This is a poorly conceived storyline!

Everyone's a critic.

[Huey] Uncle Scrooge, help!

[Johnny] I'm Johnny, the brains of the outfit.

[Randy] And I'm his twin brother Randy, the handsome one.

- [audience booing] - What now?

Put a little Pep in your step!

[all scream]

[evil cackling]

[distant screaming]

Well, it sounds like they're having a good time.

Guess they won't be joining me for the family portrait.

I suppose they're just a little mad.

- [electricity zaps] - Whoa!

Is it too much to ask

to have my family be like other families for once?

Donald, in my experience,

the best photos are the ones

that aren't all staged and pretty.

Like this photo of me and Maxie on a roller coaster.

I was terrified and almost lost my lunch.

[laughs]

Sure, it was scary.

Sure, I got stuck at the top of a loop-de-loop,

and Max had to catch me

and swing me into a cotton candy stand.

But the park gave us free admission for life

and all the cotton candy we could eat.

And Max and I made a memory.

That's just who we are.

Is it so wrong to want to be normal?

I reckon every family has their own normal.

Please tell me this is to be continued!

Listen, gang, I... What the...?

[all snicker]

That's my family.

Whoo! Yeah, Uncle Donald!

- Whoo! - [excited chatter]

[camera clicks]

[yelps]

[plays jazzy melody]

[laughing]

[grunts]

[audience cackling]

Let's get quacking.

[all grunting]

Whoops. Sorry.

Huh?

[gasps] The lamp!

A lamp in a lamp?

How are you going to get that down?

[howls]

I wish to undo my last wish.

Your wish is my command.

Shabooey!

Say something funny, Dewey.

Something funny, Dewey.

[silence]

Ah-ha!

The sound of nobody laughing never sounded so good.

[in Donald Duck voice] We're back.

[cackles]

Best episode ever.

[Goofy] Gosh, that's sweet.

Wait, Goofy was really here this whole time?

Of course. Magic's got nothing

over the power of a big-name guest star.

Whoa!

You know you have one more wish.

You could have anything.

You wasted your last wish on having a stupid framed photo?

How about infinite wishes, or another genie?

To become a genie yourself?

There's, like, a million...

I like it.

It's perfect.