Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:11,978
- Hey, guys. It's Jules James
coming at you live from Philly
2
00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:14,147
on the Fourth of Jul-y,
3
00:00:14,214 --> 00:00:19,119
and we are here at another
Jules James promotion sellout,
4
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:20,720
and I'm working
with the Goat.
5
00:00:20,787 --> 00:00:23,623
That's right, world-famous
escape artist,
6
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,959
the Great Tomas is here!
7
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,128
Now, people have tried
for years
8
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:29,229
to get him to
come out of retirement,
9
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,564
but nobody can say
no to Jules, right?
10
00:00:31,631 --> 00:00:33,733
- Right.
- Last time we saw you,
11
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,836
you were locked in a safe
tied to a railroad track
12
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:39,139
right before two
freight trains collided.
13
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,041
Tell us what
you have planned today.
14
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:44,210
- First I'd like to dedicate
today to my late wife
15
00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:45,578
and to all the other survivors
16
00:00:45,645 --> 00:00:46,980
still trying to get
out of Scottsdale.
17
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,716
- Yeah, super sad, which is why
today's uplifting stunt
18
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:51,951
is gonna be just
what this country needs.
19
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,754
Take us through it.
20
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:56,356
- Um, well,
to start things off,
21
00:00:56,423 --> 00:00:59,626
the gospel choir from the
Triumphant Heart Baptist Church
22
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:01,261
will be singing
"America the Beautiful."
23
00:01:01,327 --> 00:01:05,331
- USA, USA, right? USA.
And then what?
24
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:08,368
- I--I will be trapped in a box
surrounded by fireworks...
25
00:01:08,435 --> 00:01:09,702
- [gasps]
26
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:12,505
- Which will explode
just as the song crescendos.
27
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,375
- All on our nation's birthday.
28
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:18,611
Well, Tommy,
see you on the flip side?
29
00:01:18,678 --> 00:01:23,583
- Good-bye, everybody.
30
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:25,051
- How about that, fam?
31
00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:27,554
Now, don't forget to swipe up
so you can see
32
00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:29,422
my entire calendar
for the rest of the season.
33
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:32,425
I'm once again doing this
for all 30 teams.
34
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:35,528
Happy Fourth.
35
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:40,967
[upbeat music]
36
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:46,072
♪ ♪
37
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:48,675
[sniffs]
38
00:01:48,741 --> 00:01:50,110
- There's my superstar.
39
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:51,377
[laughter]
40
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,879
- Happiness?
41
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,149
- Amazing, just amazing, Jules.
42
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:57,817
We're sold out again.
43
00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:58,751
Every other game today
44
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:01,554
is getting interrupted
to carry this.
45
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,957
- [laughs]
- [chuckles]
46
00:02:04,023 --> 00:02:06,126
- Philadelphia,
please give a warm welcome
47
00:02:06,192 --> 00:02:08,962
to the Triumphant
Heart Gospel Choir.
48
00:02:09,028 --> 00:02:11,297
They will be singing
"America the Beautiful."
49
00:02:11,364 --> 00:02:14,801
This song is dedicated to all
the deceased in Scottsdale
50
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:17,270
and The Disputed Lands.
51
00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:21,674
all: ♪ Oh beautiful ♪
52
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:25,478
♪ For spacious skies ♪
53
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:29,849
♪ For amber waves ♪
54
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:33,620
♪ Of grain ♪
55
00:02:33,686 --> 00:02:35,088
- Ladies and gentlemen,
56
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:38,358
please put your hands
together for the Great Tomas.
57
00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:41,361
[cheers and applause]
58
00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:43,196
- Have you considered my offer?
59
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,365
I'd love to have you work
for me full-time.
60
00:02:45,431 --> 00:02:49,102
- Freddie, this is
an open relationship.
61
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,772
You're free to see other
promoters, but why would you?
62
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:54,541
- [growls]
63
00:02:54,607 --> 00:02:56,209
- [growls and laughs]
64
00:02:56,276 --> 00:03:03,049
all:
♪ Above the fruited plains ♪
65
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:07,387
♪ America ♪
66
00:03:07,453 --> 00:03:10,957
♪ America ♪
67
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:14,227
- Getting the kids to do
the honors was a nice touch.
68
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,228
- I'm all about the details.
69
00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,497
[cheers and applause]
70
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:20,200
all: ♪ And crown thy good ♪
71
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:24,370
♪ With brotherhood ♪
72
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:28,241
♪ From sea to shining sea.
73
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,109
- Is that dynamite?
74
00:03:30,176 --> 00:03:33,346
- I only get the good shit,
Freddie.
75
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,915
[cheers and applause]
76
00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:40,253
all; Five, four, three,
two, one!
77
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:44,524
[loud explosion]
78
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:48,228
[all gasping]
79
00:03:48,294 --> 00:03:49,696
- Ahh!
80
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,166
- Ahh!
81
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,268
[all screaming]
82
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,870
- I hate this song!
- Shit.
83
00:03:57,937 --> 00:04:00,940
I had no inkling
of Tomas' mental state.
84
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,509
I suppose I could have seen
the signs on Twitter.
85
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:07,080
His last Facebook post
86
00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:08,915
could be interpreted
as a suicide note,
87
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:09,983
but that's a lot of
88
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:12,085
Monday-morning quarterbacking
going on.
89
00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:14,754
I have just been trying to hug
90
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:16,723
as many of the traumatized
as possible,
91
00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:18,524
and to the families
who had to witness this...
92
00:04:20,526 --> 00:04:23,096
It's a sad day for America
and for baseball.
93
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:24,797
- Ms. James...
- Is it true that the owners
94
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:26,799
have canceled
all your upcoming promotions?
95
00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:28,101
- How could you do this
to baseball?
96
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,603
- Anyone who knows me knows
how much I love baseball.
97
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:32,071
- Ms. James,
why do you hate America?
98
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:34,841
- If that's true, then why did
Jim Brockmire have no comment?
99
00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:36,342
- Julia...
100
00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:42,215
- Hey there, America.
It's me, your friend,
101
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,249
Gatling Gary,
and I got a problem.
102
00:04:43,316 --> 00:04:46,052
I got too many guns!
How many guns?
103
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:48,988
Well, I got this gun,
this gun, this gun,
104
00:04:49,055 --> 00:04:50,723
and even go
this little bitch gun!
105
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,925
Look at it.
I got too many guns!
106
00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,127
But that's not all we got.
107
00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:55,862
Are you tired of your
armor-piercing rounds
108
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:57,263
not piercing the armor
of all those
109
00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:58,865
ATF tanks that are coming
on your property?
110
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,634
We got Uncle Uriah's
uranium super bullets!
111
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:03,469
They will [...]
a mother[...] up!
112
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:04,737
[loud explosion]
113
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:07,240
We got flak jackets,
custom-tailored flak jackets
114
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,975
for formal occasions,
weddings, funerals,
115
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,543
outlawed gay wedding,
cock fights,
116
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:12,412
gangbangs,
bar mitzvahs, and, of course,
117
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,414
we got all the above
in kids' sizes!
118
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,617
And we've got water-siphoning
kits, chemical toilets,
119
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:19,018
lime for body disposal,
120
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,586
erectile dysfunction
injections.
121
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,789
We've got it all!
But what do I really got?
122
00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:24,390
I got too many guns!
123
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,025
If you don't come down
and buy some of these guns,
124
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:28,661
I'm gonna blow my brains out!
I'm not kidding!
125
00:05:28,728 --> 00:05:31,898
I'm gonna do it in front
of my kids, so come on down!
126
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:33,466
- Gatling Gary's Guns not
responsible for any crime
127
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:34,901
committed
with Gatling Gary's gun.
128
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:36,436
Gun companies are not
responsible for Gatling Gary
129
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:37,870
actually blowing his brains
out in front of his family.
130
00:05:37,937 --> 00:05:41,741
- Content fatigue, it's real,
and it's a problem.
131
00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:43,676
Millions suffer
from the anxiety,
132
00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:46,179
inability to focus,
and irritability brought on
133
00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:48,081
by mild to moderate CF.
134
00:05:48,147 --> 00:05:49,849
Sure, we could just watch...
135
00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:52,285
- Carol, turn that shit off.
136
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,420
- That Charles fella
called again.
137
00:05:54,487 --> 00:05:56,155
I got his number for you.
138
00:05:56,222 --> 00:05:59,926
- Won't be needing it.
Just keep telling him I'm busy.
139
00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:01,961
I thought you were dealing
with that rash.
140
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,497
- Well, the bus to Canada
doesn't come
141
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:06,366
through here anymore,
so I haven't been able
142
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:10,269
to get my swine shingle pills,
but it's fine.
143
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,205
- Really? That thing was
covering half your body
144
00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:13,873
before you got on your meds.
145
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:18,044
- I fought my fight.
The rash won.
146
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,480
- Tour's here.
I won't be back later.
147
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,383
You'll lock up?
- Oh, God.
148
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,818
- God, Carol!
149
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,887
- Second one this week,
150
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,822
and I'm still standing.
151
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:30,957
It's fine.
152
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:33,993
[twangy guitar music]
153
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:41,067
♪ ♪
154
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:47,673
- It turns out spraying toxic
chemicals underground
155
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,709
to dissolve shale
into a natural gas
156
00:06:49,776 --> 00:06:52,044
has some unforeseen
consequences,
157
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:55,548
but the most impressive
consequence of fracking
158
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:58,684
is our eternal flame here.
159
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:01,521
Beneath where we stand,
160
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:07,059
rages of fire
that will outlast all humanity.
161
00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:10,696
'Kay, now time
for the burning of regrets.
162
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,398
Let's line up.
163
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,033
The flame is green
for a reason.
164
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,269
It offers pure catharsis
165
00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:19,705
incinerating whatever it is
you've come to burn,
166
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:22,975
marriage certificates,
love letters, a bad prom photo,
167
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,710
but please no dead pets.
168
00:07:27,914 --> 00:07:32,285
The fire burns quickly,
but the smell tends to linger.
169
00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:35,755
We do request a $50 donation
to go toward flame upkeep
170
00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:39,559
and the completion
of our visitor's center.
171
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,861
The flame is booked up
for Halloween parties
172
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:45,097
years into the future,
but the visitor's center
173
00:07:45,164 --> 00:07:49,735
will make this place
a year-round destination.
174
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,447
$100?
Do you have anything to burn?
175
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,483
- A whole day, apparently.
176
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,054
This is why you're too busy
to call me back?
177
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,289
[twangy music]
178
00:08:10,356 --> 00:08:11,657
Life's been pretty good.
179
00:08:11,724 --> 00:08:13,559
Career is great.
180
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:14,727
I'm divorcing Denise, though.
181
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:16,762
- Aww, that's a shame.
I really liked her.
182
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:17,897
- Oh, not that Denise.
183
00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:21,634
This--that divorce
was...five years ago?
184
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,603
I'm also paying alimony
to a Patrice.
185
00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,939
I have a type.
- Mm.
186
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:27,907
- No, thank you.
187
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:30,676
I don't really--oh,
that was for you.
188
00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:31,811
What happened to white wine?
189
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,480
- This yanks the shades down
a little faster.
190
00:08:34,547 --> 00:08:38,317
- Well, look, I tried to call,
but you just never answered.
191
00:08:38,384 --> 00:08:39,118
After the whole
Philadelphia thing,
192
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,053
you just kinda disappeared.
193
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,488
- How much are you
charging Jim?
194
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:43,823
- Excuse you?
195
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:46,926
Jim is one of my
oldest friends,
196
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:50,429
so I'm charging him my friend
rate of $100,000 per day.
197
00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:52,832
- How kind.
- Look, I know it can be scary
198
00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:54,667
to return
to something you failed at.
199
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:58,404
- I didn't fail at baseball.
200
00:08:58,471 --> 00:09:00,673
I failed at saving Morristown.
201
00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:02,041
[loud clattering]
202
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,510
Who's that?
203
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:05,845
You here for a drink
or trouble?
204
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,813
'Cause I serve both.
205
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,883
Carol,
wh--are you living here?
206
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:12,552
- 'Fraid so.
207
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:15,321
Copperheads hit my place
a couple weeks back.
208
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,991
- They're a roving biker gang
who steal
209
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,327
all the copper piping out
of the buildings around here.
210
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,896
- Ripped all the floors open.
211
00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:26,699
Then they had
some kind of yogurt party.
212
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:28,534
- Please tell me
you didn't eat that yogurt.
213
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:31,571
- It's fine.
It was all over my walls.
214
00:09:31,637 --> 00:09:32,972
Of course I ate the yogurt.
215
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:35,074
- Carol, it's not fine.
216
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:37,310
- Ay-yi-yi.
217
00:09:39,045 --> 00:09:42,281
- I do have one idea
to help baseball,
218
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:46,886
a great one, actually,
but it's gonna cost him.
219
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,822
- How much?
- $134,000.
220
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:52,491
- That's a bizarrely
specific number,
221
00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:54,994
but I'm sure Jim
can convince them to do that.
222
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,529
I'll get back to you tomorrow.
223
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,832
- Okay.
- Limon, blimp.
224
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:08,307
- Mankind is a virus
infecting the Earth.
225
00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:12,244
Mankind is a virus infecting
the Earth.
226
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:16,716
- What exactly am I
looking at right now?
227
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:17,850
- We do a lot of business
with cults.
228
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:20,920
It really helps
when tourist season slows down.
229
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:23,289
[together]
- Mm.
230
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,925
- You work with cults?
231
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:28,260
- Well, I weed out
the suicide-y,
232
00:10:28,327 --> 00:10:29,996
marry young girls-y ones.
233
00:10:30,062 --> 00:10:33,332
These guys are great, no drugs,
and a very upbeat message.
234
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:37,136
- Mankind is a virus
infecting the Earth.
235
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:40,406
- Let's give them some space.
236
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,476
- Mankind is a virus...
- Got my money?
237
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:44,677
- Yeah, the whole amount
should have been wired
238
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:45,678
to your account.
239
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:50,516
- Mankind is a virus
infecting the Earth.
240
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,151
- So it was.
241
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,120
- And Jim can't wait for your
big idea to save baseball.
242
00:10:54,186 --> 00:10:56,288
- Oh,
I can just tell it to you.
243
00:10:56,355 --> 00:10:59,125
All Jim has to do
is build a time machine
244
00:10:59,191 --> 00:11:01,460
to take everyone back to
when America wasn't
245
00:11:01,527 --> 00:11:03,996
a blighted hellscape
and baseball was still popular.
246
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:08,367
It's gonna have to be really
big to fit everybody inside.
247
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:13,773
- So you just scammed Jim
out of $134,000?
248
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,541
- I just recouped
my legal expenses
249
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,843
from when those asshole owners
sued me,
250
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:22,815
and I will use that money
to finish my visitor's center.
251
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:24,316
Anyway, what do you care?
252
00:11:24,383 --> 00:11:27,820
You just bilked him
for $300,000.
253
00:11:27,887 --> 00:11:31,023
- 5 actually.
254
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,826
Are we bad people
for fleecing our friend?
255
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:36,562
- If he were really our friend,
he would have seen this coming.
256
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,802
- Is there a time
when the eternal flame
257
00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:45,004
goes out for a little bit?
- No, Charles.
258
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:48,140
That's why it's called
the eternal flame.
259
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:52,178
- Well, it's out right now.
260
00:11:52,244 --> 00:11:55,247
- Oh, no. It can't just go out.
261
00:11:55,314 --> 00:11:56,415
It can only relocate.
262
00:11:56,482 --> 00:12:00,152
[loud explosion]
263
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:06,258
[twangy guitar music]
264
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:08,527
♪ ♪
265
00:12:11,030 --> 00:12:12,198
- Do you have too many
payday loans?
266
00:12:12,264 --> 00:12:13,666
Are you feeling crushed by debt
267
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,434
that you just can't keep up
with,
268
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:18,003
harassed by
predatory collectors?
269
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,439
Well, Permacash
has the solution.
270
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:22,308
Permacash will give you
the cash advance
271
00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:23,442
your family needs today.
272
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,311
If you're not using
your organs,
273
00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:26,412
why not give them to us,
274
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:28,714
and we'll give you cold,
hard cash?
275
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:30,449
And for a limited time
you could take advantage
276
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:32,485
of our patented pain-free,
no-muss,
277
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:35,187
no-fuss euthanasia process.
278
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,990
You have a choice of coming to
a Permacash location near you,
279
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:40,292
or we can send you
a Permacash home donation
280
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:42,595
and euthanasia kit,
and you can file permanent
281
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:44,964
bankruptcy in the comfort
of your own home.
282
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,233
You get those predatory
companies off your back,
283
00:12:47,299 --> 00:12:50,002
and your family gets
the quick cash they need.
284
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,505
Why suffer through the effects
of water toxicity,
285
00:12:52,571 --> 00:12:54,707
radiation sickness,
or super cancer?
286
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,210
Let your body go now, before
it's of no use to anybody.
287
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:00,212
Let it go to a good cause.
288
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,348
So if you're in trouble
and you can't see a way out,
289
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:06,585
call Permacash,
the last loan you'll ev...
290
00:13:33,946 --> 00:13:35,681
- Oh, my bad, sorry.
291
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:36,749
It seems the years
292
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:40,119
have not relieved
me of my catlike stealth.
293
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:44,156
- If you came here to beg me...
- Beg you?
294
00:13:44,223 --> 00:13:45,524
I'm not even
asking you anything.
295
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:47,092
I mean, work-related, that is.
296
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,628
Jules,
I'm just here as your friend.
297
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:52,364
- Friend?
- Yeah.
298
00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,934
- Whenever I need you,
you're always running
299
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,404
in the opposite direction.
300
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:02,041
No comment?
What the hell was that?
301
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:04,076
- A man had just exploded,
okay?
302
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:07,112
For the first time in my life,
I was at a loss for words,
303
00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:10,316
and I tried calling you
for months after that.
304
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:12,618
- I don't take calls
from spineless traitors.
305
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,019
- I didn't think you needed me
to back you up, Jules.
306
00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:18,324
I mean, after all, you had
George Brett, now, didn't you?
307
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,159
- Our marriage was already
falling apart.
308
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,761
He was very judgmental about
the drinking and the drugs.
309
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:24,330
Plus, he played a lot of golf--
310
00:14:24,396 --> 00:14:26,732
I mean, a lot of golf,
like, a lot.
311
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,735
A lot, Jim.
312
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:30,769
- I don't understand
what's happening.
313
00:14:30,836 --> 00:14:32,671
Are you using golf
as a euphemism?
314
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:35,174
- No, he played a lot of golf.
- Oh.
315
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,308
- He bought bathroom humor
books about golf
316
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:40,279
and crocheted head
covers for his driver.
317
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:41,113
He once stopped in the middle
of fucking me to talk
318
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,349
about meeting Brandt Snedeker.
319
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:45,017
- Okay, that sounds like
a lot of golf.
320
00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:47,653
- My disgracing baseball
was the final straw for him.
321
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,688
It's just not fair.
You shot yourself
322
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:53,425
on the national stage way
more times than I ever did.
323
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:55,527
Why'd you get
five second chances,
324
00:14:55,594 --> 00:14:57,029
and I didn't even get one?
325
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,397
- Probably
'cause you're a woman, Jules.
326
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:01,166
That and people have a hard
time letting go of getting
327
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,769
Gallaghered with human flesh,
but you know what?
328
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:05,704
You don't need five chances.
You just need the one,
329
00:15:05,771 --> 00:15:07,806
and I am here
to give it to you, okay?
330
00:15:07,873 --> 00:15:11,577
I'm here to take you out
of Morristown for your health
331
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:12,544
and for your safety.
332
00:15:12,611 --> 00:15:14,713
Please just come
with me right now.
333
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,949
I'll take you anywhere
you want to go.
334
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:19,785
- I'm not done here.
335
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:23,055
- [sighs]
- Morristown can still rebound.
336
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:24,857
- Are you out of your mind?
Rebound?
337
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:28,060
It's over.
My God, it was over years ago.
338
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,296
You have to know
when to walk away.
339
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:33,432
There's life after Morristown.
340
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:38,003
- All right,
the two singles for you,
341
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:39,972
the double for me, huh?
342
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:41,340
A win is a win.
343
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:42,341
I don't care how ugly it is.
344
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,076
It still counts, huh?
345
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:48,681
- Dad, a word?
- Mm-hmm.
346
00:15:48,747 --> 00:15:49,982
- Take a seat.
347
00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:51,617
- Well, I'm behind the bar,
sweetheart.
348
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,919
There are no stools here.
What's happening, Jules?
349
00:15:53,986 --> 00:15:56,021
- This is the hardest part
about being a daughter,
350
00:15:56,088 --> 00:15:59,591
but it is time
for you to quit baseball.
351
00:15:59,658 --> 00:16:00,726
- What?
352
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,928
- You just don't
have it anymore.
353
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:05,597
- What are you talking about?
I doubled today.
354
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:07,399
- Yeah, and you barely
caught up
355
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:08,467
to an 80-mile-an-hour fastball,
356
00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,536
which you blooped
into the right field,
357
00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:12,071
where their guy
lost it in the sun.
358
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,506
- But a hit is a hit.
Am I right?
359
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:16,742
all: Yeah!
360
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,944
- A hit that ended
your 0 for 39.
361
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:24,249
But on the bright side,
you're batting 1,000
362
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,551
at being a dad right now,
363
00:16:25,617 --> 00:16:27,386
and that's where you should
focus your attention,
364
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,555
but as far as baseball goes,
365
00:16:29,621 --> 00:16:31,590
it's over, Dad,
and you know it is.
366
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:36,095
You've got to walk away.
There's life after baseball.
367
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,731
- Ohh...
368
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:44,536
Well...
369
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:47,973
it looks like this
is a retirement party!
370
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,908
I'm hanging up the cleats.
371
00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:51,410
Drinks are on me!
372
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:52,978
[cheers and applause]
373
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,750
[clattering]
374
00:16:57,816 --> 00:17:01,086
- Carol, are those my pipes?
375
00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:03,756
- I realized you were right.
376
00:17:03,822 --> 00:17:06,091
It's not gonna be fine.
377
00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:08,727
I figure if I give
the Copperheads an offering,
378
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,929
they might jump me in.
379
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:15,267
Oh, and I also found
your other gun.
380
00:17:19,004 --> 00:17:23,642
Sloppy bitches get stitches.
381
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,645
[twangy guitar music]
382
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:30,749
♪ ♪
383
00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:32,985
- I'm ready to go now.
384
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,522
♪ ♪
385
00:17:36,588 --> 00:17:39,625
- Who is the toothless woman
who just held us hostage?
386
00:17:39,691 --> 00:17:42,728
♪ ♪
387
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,767
- Fantasy.
- Fantasy.
388
00:17:48,834 --> 00:17:51,136
- Desire.
- Desire.
389
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:53,672
- Lust.
- Lust.
390
00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,974
- You're a man.
- You're a woman.
391
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:58,877
- With needs,
so slip into a realm
392
00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:03,916
where your fantasies, desires,
and lusts all become reality.
393
00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:06,952
- Mr. Magorium's
Masturbatorium.
394
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,555
- Once you step into your
pleasure pod,
395
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,957
you're in Mr. Magorium's world.
396
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:15,327
- Take the journey to
Mr. Magorium's Masturbatorium.
397
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:18,163
Once you're in his world,
you won't want to leave.
398
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:22,901
- We'll hate to see you go,
but we love to watch you come.
45308
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese