Original subtitles

Uh-oh.

The only reason you ever up this early

is if it's a death in the family.

Or he done committed some kinda crime.

Or maybe he's just hungry.

You would like a plate, Mr. Vinny?

Nobody died, I ain't committed no crime, I'm just high.

So, yes, I'd like some breakfast this morning.

Alright.

Yeah, I knew it was somethin'.

Weed or death.

Shut up, I had a bad dream.

It was time for me to wake and bake.

That must've been some dream.

Yeah, I, I, I went to Hell.

I went to Hell, and, and, and it didn't seem real

until I saw Karen down there,

and then, and then I, I knew it wasn't no joke.

What you had was a prophecy. You prophesying your future.

Mr. Brown, stop it.

No, Cora, that ain't me, that's the Lord.

Let him have his way.

Would you just be nice, Mr. Brown?

That's the Lord.

No, it, it's okay, Ms. Cora. I mean, he's right.

I, I think it is time for me to make some changes.

Oh, don't get scared now.

You should've been done makin' some changes.

What's on your mind, Grandpa? What's goin' on?

I think I need to get saved.

- Oh he still high. - Oh, well, look at God.

Cora, this got Satan wrote all over.

You talkin' about, "Look at God"? That's Vinny.

And I, I can't, I can't spend eternity with Karen.

No way. That is a long time.

So, wait, so, you don't wanna got to Hell

'cause you think Karen gon' be there?

Would you just shut up?

Ms. Cora, let, let me ask you a question.

- Sure. - You, you know the Lord

better than anybody.

- Well... - Let me ask you,

how do I get into Heaven?

Well, you gotta repent all your sins.

- Mm-hm. - You gotta get baptized.

You know one of disciples, Philip,

baptized a eunuch on the side of the road.

So, Phillip will baptize me? Hey, Phillip!

Not that Phillip, you idiot. Philip in the Bible.

Cora, he got too many spirits. It's gon' take too long.

You'll be all day, before you know it,

you'll be lyin', cussin', smokin', and drinkin'.

- The traditional way is... - Mm-hm.

- You go down to the church... - Church.

And you clarify why you wanna get baptized...

- Uh-huh. - And you set a date.

I don't know, Ms. Cora.

I ain't, I ain't been to church in, like, 30 years.

Really?

I think it's been longer than 30 years.

Oh.

Pews probably catch on fire when you walk in the door.

Shut up, Brown!

Wait, wait, now, now, but Mr. Brown has been doin'

- most of the baptisms. - That's right,

you got to come through me.

- I'm the one dips you. - You go through Jesus.

- I dips you. - You go through Jesus.

The Lord see me, and then I dip him.

Let me get this right, Brown gon' baptize me?

- Right! - Oh, hell no.

No disrespect, but hell no. Hell no.

But there's a lotta people

- gettin' baptized. - Mm-hm.

And there's a lotta single women

- down at the church. - Mm.

And we love to see a man gettin' saved.

Well, maybe I could,

I could, I could make some arrangements, yeah.

- Alright, alright. - Hell is about to freeze over.

Will you shut up, Brown?!

Calm down.

Meek and humble. You gotta change the mindset.

Shut up, Brown.

Don't you wanna get saved?

Shut up, Brown.

Shut up, Brown!

Mr. Vinny, stop with all the yellin'!

Don't you wanna get saved?

Shut up, Brown.

Oh, that's good. Meek and humble.

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember , blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

Knock, knock.

Hey, Lindor! Look at you.

How are you?

I'm good! It's so good to see you.

- It's good to see you. - I'm puttin' away breakfast,

would you like somethin'?

Yeah, with your cookin', anytime.

Alright, alright. What have you been up to lately?

Uh, school, school.

I enrolled in this community college,

and I'm takin' this pre-law program.

Oh, pre-law! Congratulations.

Thank you.

It's actually helpin' me and my dad get a lot closer.

Oh, I love to hear that. That's wonderful.

Yeah, yeah, he says he's okay with me fightin' crime

in the courtroom,

as long as I make lawyer money.

Alright, that's okay.

- Yeah. - Okay, here you go.

And there's syrup right there on the table.

- Okay, thank you. - You are so welcome.

You're welcome. Oh, boy.

Yeah, it's the first time in a while he's been a good dad.

Oh, okay, well...

Mm, slow down, sweetie. It, it's not goin' anywhere.

I'm sorry, it's delicious.

I mean, livin' on my own and payin' my way through school,

my dad wants me to do it all on my own.

So, you know, he believes in tough love.

Oh, okay, well, you know you can always come over here

for a nice hot meal.

So, look here, what have you been doin' for work?

Um, fixer-upper jobs here and there.

Oh, well, maybe we can find

somethin' for you to do around here to make extra money.

Or, and for food.

That would be great, thank you.

Um, also, have you,

have you heard from Sandra lately?

Well, you know, it's been a minute since I talked to her,

but she been so busy bein'

a full-time student and everything.

You know, the, that workload is heavy.

Yeah, yeah. She, uh, she seems pretty busy.

Yeah, she does. She really does.

Hey, Lindor!

- Hey, good morning, sir. - What's up, man?

- How you doin'? - Good.

- Hey, hey, hey, Jeremy. - Hey.

I was just talkin' to Lindor about, um,

maybe we got somethin' around here he can help with

on workin' around here.

Fixin' somethin', or anything like that?

Nah, we ahead for the first time in a long time.

Yup, we all caught up.

- I even fixed the kitchen sink. - Oh.

Yep, yep, it only took him 14 months to do it.

Hey, Lindor.

- Good morning, Mr. Brown. - Slow and steady wins the race.

Yeah, you about as slow as a turtle in mud.

Whatever, it works flawlessly, alright?

Now, it ain't much to do around here now.

Uh, yeah, there is somethin' he can fix.

Can you fix the TV? 'Cause it ain't workin'.

I'm about to miss The Side Girls in the ATL .

They fightin' this week.

I don't know why you watch that mess.

I like it. I like to see 'em fight.

See, I unplugged the thingamajig,

and I flipped it around a couple times.

It still won't work.

Ooh, you, you, Lindor, are you good, baby?

- Mm-hm, mm-hm. - Alright.

Breathe, baby, breathe! Wait, take a breath.

Wait, wait, hold on. Boy, you gon' choke.

Mm-mm.

Now maybe we need to call somebody

know what they're doin' around here.

That can fix stuff, really fix stuff.

- Mm. - Hey, Lindor!

Come here!

He been eatin'. That boy can eat.

Swallow your food.

Don't come up in here and spit some of that stuff on me.

- No, I got it, I got it. - Mm-mm.

What's up?

Uh, I unplugged the thingamajig, and the TV still won't work.

So, it keeps comin' on, and it'll "too, too",

pop that light.

"Too, too", like that.

- Okay. - Mm-hm.

Um, anybody have a pen or a pencil?

Does anyone have a pencil or a pen?

Uh, I don't, I don't have one.

Actually, uh, I got one.

Well, what you ask us?

Well, sometimes, the wireless router

needs to be reset to refresh connection to external devices.

Can, can you say that in English?

Okay, so the thingamajig you unplugged

has to be reset to work with the TV.

- Ah. - Oh, okay.

I understand, I don't gotta talk to me like I'm crazy

or somethin', to think.

You get it fixed?

Bam, look at that! Right, see?

That's what I told.

That boy there can fix, he can fix stuff.

You know what?

Maybe you could do some IT work around here,

since we clearly don't know what the hell we doin'.

Right, you don't. You, you could be the backup.

In case the sink go down, it won't take 14 months.

We can get stuff fixed immediately.

Yeah, thanks.

See how he did that? Immediately.

- We may... - Yeah,

I'll make sure everything is up to date and runnin' smooth.

- Man, whoo, that boy... - I'm about to have a seizure.

Yeah, that TV look like it's in CD

It is kinda bright.

Mr. Brown, I'm about to head down to the church.

But make sure you tell Pastor that Mr. Vinny got saved

and wanna get baptized.

Cora, it's gonna take Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John

to vouch for him to get into Heaven.

I don't think he even gonna make it.

Alright, man, you got a job.

- Yeah? - Yeah, okay, uh,

let's start with the computers,

because they all need to be updated.

Okay, yeah, I'mma check the storage

and free up any unused gigs.

Alright, whatever that means.

Alright, cool.

Oh, uh...

Have you heard from Sandra lately?

Not as much.

Man, they babies, then they grown, gone,

and not answerin' the phone.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Yeah, come on. Let's get started.

Okay, first thing you got to do

- is learn to read the Bible. - Uh-huh, okay.

'Cause ain't no need us baptizing if you gon' go back to

bein' an old heathen.

Ms., Ms. Cora,

I don't think I'm gonna be able to go through with this.

Oh, you can do it, Mr. Vinny.

You can just stop that, Mr. Brown!

Okay, now the Lord's first message was repent,

because the Kingdom is at hand!

You don't know nothin' about the Kingdom, do you?

Oh, Mr. Brown.

Cora, he said more than Jezebel and Judas put together.

It ain't that at all, let's just get on with this thing.

You can't rush the Lord.

I'm not rushin' the Lord, I'm rushin' you.

This the thanks I get for tryin' to keep you from goin' to Hell?

Tall task.

In my village, they say

it's easier to empty the ocean with a ladle.

You lucky I don't try to ladle these hands on you.

Oh, the day that a mosquito lands on your testicles.

That is the day you will realize

there are better ways of solving issues without violence.

You lucky I'm tryin' to get baptized.

Can we just move on with this thing?

Okay, when you baptize,

the Holy Spirit will come in you...

- Mm-hm. - And it will judge you

- for every sin. - Every sin.

Every one of your sins.

And your, your baptism is Sunday.

So, I'm cleaned of every sin, and I'm saved?

Nothin', just...

- Everything. - Everything good?

No, but you gon' be judged every time.

- Okay, okay. - But you know look,

we've all sinned and come short of the glory of God.

- Uh-huh. - But once you come into covenant

through baptism,

you can go to God for forgiveness,

and your slates will be washed clean.

Okay.

But what, what brought about this situation,

if you don't mind me asking?

Yeah, I do mind you asking.

Oh, he prophesied himself goin' to Hell.

He seen it with his own eyes.

Ooh, when you go to bed with an itchy buttocks,

you wake up with smelly finger.

You got that right.

There gon' be evil spirits just floatin' all over the place.

The heavens is gon' be rejoicin' over one soul.

Uh, can we just, can we just, maybe just push this back?

Just a little bit. That's all I'm askin'.

So, so you havin' second thoughts?

No, I'm not havin' second thoughts.

It's just I got some things planned for next week

that I don't need the Holy Spirit to see.

I knew this heathen wasn't gon' be able...

Shut up, Brown, just shut up, shut up. See, I didn't know

everything was gonna happen so fast, that's all.

Well, you just had the dream last night,

so you don't wanna do it anymore?

No, that's not that. Check this out.

Y'all listen to me, I got a real good plan.

Here's what we do.

We push the baptism back three weeks.

- What? - Three weeks,

and then that give me time to sow my royal oats

and then everybody be cool.

You know what I'm sayin'?

You gon' to Hell with gasoline drawers on.

The Lord ain't finna wait for you to

finish sinnin' before you get...

You just ignant. You a ignant, ignant.

Vinny, the Lord gon' have to send you

a good, God-fearing woman for you to get in line.

That would have to be a very special woman.

You know what?

How about you come with me and Mr. Brown

to Bible study tonight?

There's gonna be a lot of single women there.

A lot of single women?

Why you ain't say that in the first place?!

I've done said that several times!

Okay, I think I can do that.

- Okay, then. - Okay, well, I'm prayin'

- you gon' get it together. - Thank you.

Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

I should've gone to church with y'all a long time ago!

Well, we're just glad you came.

I'm glad the pews didn't burn up.

Cora, there might be some hope.

Whatever, I found my future wife.

widow, pretty, and rich.

Oh, well, you know,

her husband passed away, like, a year ago,

but she's, it's still pretty rough for her.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

You know, uh, but I gotta meet her for brunch right now.

What, already? That was fast.

Now, look, now, she's already experienced death,

and we ain't no spring chickens.

You more like a winter rooster.

Whatever, man.

I got a date with destiny, I ain't got time to play around.

I'll see y'all later.

Wait a minute, but what about your baptism?

Oh, look, clearly God loves me.

We can take care of all that stuff later.

I'll see you Christians after awhile.

Cora, he gon' take Venice straight to Hell with him.

That woman in trouble.

Mr. Brown, now, she been in church a long time,

and if anybody can get him on track,

I think Mrs. Venice can do it.

Cora, I think the Lord done gave up on Vinny.

Venice is in trouble.

Take her down with him.

Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown, Mr. Brown!

- I just wanna say thank you! - Get off of me,

all them evil spirits.

You been drinking? You got alcohol on your breath.

No, I just feel marvelous, man.

It's 3 o'clock in the afternoon

and you got devil juice on your breath.

Was Venice with you?

Yeah, she put back more drinks than me!

What? Venice doesn't drink.

That's not true.

Those five mimosas say that is a lie.

She put back more drinks than me.

She said she had the best time of her life with me.

Well, she's never been no day drinker.

Yes, she is, she just did it.

I mean, look, Vinny.

If we tryin' to help save your soul,

and you out here bein' a bad influence

on a good woman, on good people.

I'm not bein' a bad influence.

She's good and grown, she can make up her own mind.

In fact, we decided to move to Vegas together.

- What?! - What?!

She got over a million dollars when RC passed

and God passed that money on to me.

Amen.

What?

No, that is too, that's too far.

Y'all are not movin' to Vegas.

Oh, I can see it now.

Gamblin' and drinkin' in the morning,

gamblin' and smokin' that legal weed in the evening,

gambling, weed, and whiskey all night.

Me and Venice about to live the life.

She gon' sober up and come to her senses.

Whatever, she's packin', we're leavin' tonight!

What?!

Cora, I think the Lord done gave up on Vinny.

- Cora. - Yeah, huh?

My computer just went black.

Everything, I can't get it to work.

Well, maybe you need to call Jeremy to come fix it.

- Well, you call him. - Jeremy!

Cora, I thought you was gonna call him on the phone.

You gon' give somebody a heart attack.

What's goin' on?

Hey, Jeremy, he can't get the laptop workin'.

Oh, it should be workin'.

Somethin' goin' on with it.

I, I keep doin', like... See?

I don't think that's how you supposed to operate that.

Hey, Lindor.

Uh, you think you could help Mr. Brown with his laptop?

Yeah, sure.

Your laptop's all good, up to date.

- Oh, yeah. - Uh, hundred additional gigs

of storage, you should be runnin' a lot faster.

Okay, see, when I push this,

usually when I do like that, it'll come right on.

Yeah, no, don't, don't do that.

- Okay. - Um,

so, usually if you hold these two buttons

and hit this button,

it should perform a soft reset, get your computer goin'.

So, don't do a hard one,

'cause that'll erase everything off your computer.

Well, do me a soft one. Do me a soft reset.

I don't want no hard one, no.

There we go.

Okay, ooh, shut up! Look at that!

My stuff came back, aw, yes.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay, so, so it looks like you used all your storage.

- Oh. - You have...

300 gigabytes of Kung Fu Soul Brotha?

Oh yeah, that's a classic.

"Om, nom, nom." "Om, nom, nom."

- That's a, that's a classic. - Okay.

What you need is an external hard drive

to put your videos onto,

that way your computer won't be so full,

and it can work the way it needs to.

Oh, uh, uh, eternal what?

Don't worry about it, I'll get it for you.

- Okay. - Yeah.

You sure know how to fix stuff around here,

unlike other people that I know.

Look, I, I type 30,000 words a minute.

Yeah, I would argue, but he ain't lyin'.

Our new IT guy saved the day.

Hey, maybe you can help me with my mobile device.

Yeah.

The application I use to speak face-to-face

with my family back at home,

I can no longer use it, it just stopped working.

Okay. Um...

Okay, so, so, it looks like the app is on version 5.5,

and you're still on 2.0.

So, I'mma start this update,

and once you finish it, you should be good.

Oh, it was working, okay.

- You really are good at this. - Yep.

I mean, it's all really pretty basic stuff.

I'm just happy to help.

Ooh!

Hey, look at this! It's working now!

Ah, Lindor, thank you so much.

I'm, I'm going to go and video chat to my family.

Thank you.

Our new IT guy saves the day again.

You know what, I'm about to run to the bank

and get you some cash for today's work.

Ah, nah, no need.

You can just Cash Zapp me the funds.

Cash Zapp? What's that?

So, it's an app where you can send money from

your bank account straight to mine

without havin' to take a trip to the bank.

Well, man, if I can save a trip to the bank,

then yeah, I'm with that.

Yeah, I'll just download it on your phone

so you can use it whenever you need to.

Oh, can you put it on my phone, too?

I, I wanna be on there.

Yeah, can you put it on my phone, too?

Excuse me, Jeremy.

We can use this down at the church.

Oh, nah, nah, nah,

we need him at the house.

Uh-uh, uh-uh, after he gets through my Soul Brotha, uh,

Kung Fu eternal drive.

Oh, no, no.

He wouldn't even be here if I didn't hire him first.

Oh no, he been workin' with me the last couple of hours.

Nah, he comin' with me.

- He comin'... - Oh no, he ain't, no, he ain't.

- Pull him apart, then, pull him. - Pull him.

We gon' T-bone...

So long, peasants!

I'm off to live a life of luxury for the rest of my life.

Yeah, I heard about your new relationship.

You movin' a little fast, don't you think?

Nah, I'm not movin' fast.

I'm just followin' the path

that God laid out for me, that's all.

Vinny, now, look.

You mean to tell me we've been tryin' to cleanse your soul

- from sin... - Mm-hm.

And you movin' to Sin City?

That don't make no sense.

It's all my fault.

And I just wanna thank you.

So, you gon' leave everything you built here

for a woman you just met?

I been researchin' the types of weed I can smoke

to help me get over y'all.

Everybody gonna be sad to see you leave, man.

Except Karen.

This is actually the happiest I've ever seen her.

Check this out. I stole her charger.

I hope her phone dies when she's talkin' to somebody.

That is not the way you handle the situation.

You could ruin your life and hers.

Whatever, this is the best possible scenario for me.

I hit the lottery with this one!

And she hit a pothole with this one.

And this woman has been married to this one man her entire life,

and she just lost him recently.

You gotta handle this situation more tenderly.

Okay, check this out.

Vinny and Venice.

Don't that have a great ring to it?

And what, now what about your baptism?

I'm sure she wants you to be saved.

Cora, the water probably would've been boilin' anyway.

Y'all listen up.

While y'all sittin' here cleanin' house,

I'll be in Vegas gamblin' with new money.

This, Vinn, this is not right.

Y'all don't even know each other that good yet.

Oh, we know each other.

I know she's got over a million dollars in the bank,

and that's all I need to know about Venice.

And I need to thank you and God. Thank you, Jesus.

Alright, you not about to put God in this.

That's what you not finna do.

Right.

I can't believe him.

I can, he about to be in Vegas with over a million dollars?

We definitely not gonna see him again.

Yeah, we gotta do somethin'.

Cora, we can't do nothin'.

Don't, don't try to save him now.

It's too late.

Well, I wanna save him, and I wanna save her.

Cora, I done think the Lord gave up on him.

- And... - Wait a minute.

- I got an idea. - What?

Ah, just the person I want to see.

Ooh, thank you so much.

I was able to talk to my family. They're all doing very well.

Good. Hey, my pleasure.

Hey, now, hey, I have several other, uh, applications

on my mobile device that also stopped working.

- Hey, do you mind? - No, not at all.

- I'll take a look. - Okay, okay.

Hey, uh, did you find my, uh, internal revenue drive thing?

That you was gonna go get for me?

Uh, no, I haven't been able to get the external hard drive.

I haven't been able to leave, I gotta get it from

- the electronic store. - Okay, 'cause I'm tryin' to

watch Kung Fu Soul Brotha .

! Can't you see he's busy?

Yeah, I can see he tryin' to get my stuff fixed up,

and you holdin' up the process.

No, you interrupted him once he grabbed my mobile device!

It's called a cell phone.

Oh, you are telling me how to talk?

Yes, I'm tellin' you how to talk.

Hey, while y'all figure that out,

that new update logged me out of everything.

- I need you to show me... - Whoa, whoa,

you, you are interrupting him, too!

He's working on my mobile device!

It's a cell phone! Ain't no...

Hey, I just need to get in my email.

Y'all got real problems.

Come on, right here, I'm tryin' to get Kung Fu Soul Brotha.

- We were here first! - Ain't nobody here first!

I need to get in my email!

Hey, hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Sound like... What's all...?

We need some order around here! Who was first?

- Me! - I was first!

Okay, Lindor, who was first?

Mr., Mr. Brown was first.

Praise God, thank you.

And then it was Efe, and then Jeremy was last.

Come on, man, we're supposed to stick together.

Okay, look here, look, look.

What I'm gon' do is I'mma create a document sheet,

so you'll know who's in order.

- Okay? - Thank you.

After you get through mine!

I just need my email!

It is not a cell, it's a cell phone!

No, draw my finger!

Kung Fu Soul Brotha back on!

The email, dude.