Original subtitles

I got a surprise for you, Jeremy.

Ooh, does it include

a skillet, a spatula, and your famous pancake mix?

Uh, not that kind of surprise.

Your surprise is, wait for it,

I scheduled you a doctor's appointment.

Okay, let me check my calendar. When is it?

Okay, see if you busy in 45 minutes.

Oh, it's today. Hell no.

The last time I gave you advanced notice,

you planned a phony appointment

that, supposedly, you couldn't get out of

just so you couldn't go.

None of my appointments are phony.

You went to the nail salon with Sandra.

I needed a polish.

You're going.

Fine.

It's always the same thing, though.

"Let me look in your eyes. Let me look in your mouth.

Let me look in your ears.

Everything good." Then a $40 co pay.

And this time, the doctor gonna be looking

inside something else.

- Huh? - Huh?

I know you ain't talking about what I think you talking about.

Yes, you are getting a prostate exam.

Oh, man. I don't know, baby.

I don't want nobody poking in my pooper.

Hm, but I do, so finish your coffee,

'cause your appointment is at 9:00 sharp.

What a beautiful day that this is.

Can I get an "Amen"? So beautiful, don't you agree?

Yeah, let me get back to you on that.

What you so happy for?

On my drive over here,

I discovered a new way for me to get rich.

I'm about to be rich.

Oh, yeah, did you discover a way for a man

to get a prostate check through the front door

instead of the back door?

No. No, I was driving

and I was listening to a song on the radio,

and it heard it dawn on me. It said,

"Mr. Brown." I said, "Huh?"

"I say you ought to be a singer."

That's what I'ma do. I'm about to be rich.

I'ma be a singer.

Okay, well, I hope you answered yourself and said,

"That's not a good idea because I have

absolutely no musical talent."

Well, that's why they invented audio-tune.

See, I know I'm gonna be good in this music

because ain't no other artist out there

that look like me.

Nobody got this style and class.

That's true, but with all due respect, Mr. Brown,

ain't nobody trying to get no old rapper.

I'm not trying to be no old rapper.

Well, ain't nobody trying to get no old R&B singer either.

I'm not talking about R&B either.

Well, what kind of singer you gonna be?

Country music. I'ma be a country music star.

Mr. Brown, you are crazy.

I am, crazy like a fox,

but I'm about to lasso these millions.

I'm about to be rich.

Yee-hee! I'm getting rich tomorrow.

♪ No matter what you do I love you ♪

♪ No matter when you go I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember blood aint never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

What is this? I ordered eggs over-easy.

Vinny decided to make eggs over-greasy.

Bon appétit.

Ah, Jeremy, you're not eating.

I don't blame you.

I don't like Vinny's cooking either.

Man, I'm not worried about nobody's breakfast.

I'm thinking about this prostate exam I'm about to get.

Put your fears aside, young man.

A prostate exam is just like any other.

Yes, only instead of "Open up and say 'Ah,'"

you bend over and say, "Ooh."

- This ain't funny. - I'm sorry.

You know, I remember my first prostate exam

like it was yesterday.

So I bent over.

The guy extended his index finger,

did his business, and then left the room.

That seemed uneventful enough.

It was, until the nurse came in and screamed,

"Who was that man that left your examination room?

Fellas, come on. I'm literally about to take

my first prostate exam, all right?

Now, can y'all give me some good advice?

I know. In all seriousness,

before you drop your trousers,

and you bend over, and touch your toes,

make certain that your doctor

buys you a proper meal first.

And gives you roses.

Hey, what is all the laughing and carrying on about?

We're just giving your husband

some sage advice on his prostate exam.

Well, look, okay, you need to get going,

so we won't keep him.

- Listen. - Fine. Fine, I'm going.

- Wish me luck. - Good luck.

- Good luck. - Good luck!

Your husband and leaving a boy.

He'll return a man.

Hush, Efe.

You having a personal summer, Ms. Anastasia?

You having a hot flash, girl. I know. I know about it.

No, I was just thinking about

my third husband, the magician.

Oh, what magical things he could do with his wand.

It's good. I'll pay for good, girl.

- I know. - Howdy, partners.

Mr. Brown, what are you wearing?

Cora, I moseyed on down there to the country western store,

and picked up me some new duds.

You like that, pretty lady?

Mr. Brown, why are you talking

like you escaped from a Oklahoma mental institution?

This is how we talk, pretty lady, me and my kinfolk.

This here is called country grammar.

Whatever country you escaped from, I'll never visit.

Why you pretending to be a cowboy?

Bless your pretty little heart.

I'm more country than Texas times Tennessee

divided by chewing tobacco.

I'ma show you something right there.

- Back up there. Back up there. - Okay, okay.

- I'm gonna lasso. - Well, you back up too.

I'ma pretend y'all are cows

and I'm gonna lasso y'all right there.

Here we go. Yeah, come on.

Wait a minute. Wait...

- Back up! Back up! - Here we go, come on.

Back up, come on. Run, run!

- I'm gonna get y'all. - You about to... Wait!

Lord, you about to turn everything, Mr. Brown.

Wait a minute. Cora, you just gonna stand there

while I'm doing this? You ain't gonna help me?

Well, yeah... Well, wait a minute now. Hold it.

- And I'm not... - What kind of cowboy are you?

You don't even know how to use your own lasso.

Well, I'm trying to get a little practice for

you know, I'm something like a method singer.

So, what, since when are you a singer?

Well, since I decided to become a super country-western star.

Please, nobody, and I mean nobody,

wants to hear you sing country music.

You know what, Mr. Brown? I do have a friend

that used to teach with me at the school

just opened up a country and western bar across town.

- Shut up, really? - Yes.

It's called Tumbleweed Saloon.

They showcase up-and-coming acts every Tuesday afternoon.

Well, Cora, today is Tuesday afternoon.

It sure is.

If you serious about it, I can give him a call.

I don't know, Cora.

And, Mr. Brown, are you ready?

Am I ready?

Hat, chaps, buckle, boots.

I don't get ready, I stays ready.

And how many songs do you have?

Oh, I forgot about that part.

Well, that's the most important part of being a country singer.

Well, Cora, I'm what they call a lyrical genius.

Yeah, I'm a lyrical gangsta. I writes lyrics.

Yeah, I can write a platinum hit in an hour.

All I need is a pen and a pad.

Country singers are not gangsters.

Well, I'm a lyrical gangsta. That's what I am, Cora.

- I write hits, platinum hits. - Okay.

- It's all I write, Cora. - All right, Mr. Brown,

I'll give my friend a call and get you on stage.

All right. I'm about to make country music history.

The Titanic made history too.

- That was good. That was good. - Oh, my.

Did you see that? Country...

- Hey, babe. - Hey.

- So? - "So," what?

How did your prostate exam go?

Yeah, it was okay. It was fine, no big deal.

- No big deal? - That's what I said.

Well, what'd the doctor say afterwards?

He said everything looked good.

- Really? Well, that's funny. - What's funny?

I got a call from the doctor's office.

They said you didn't show.

- Whatever. - Hm-hm, no. It's not whatever.

This is your health we talking about, Jeremy.

No, this is my choice, my body.

I'm not getting no damn prostate exam,

so stop nagging me about it, please, and thank you.

Wait. Hold on. Wait...

What do you mean, "My body, my choice"?

"Nagging"? Jeremy Washington.

Okay, "I wanted to be your T-bone.

All I could be is your hors d'oeuvre."

Hey, Efe, how you spell hors d'oeuvre?

So you don't know how to spell that word?

- No, no, how do you spell it? - I'm shocked.

- Sound it out. - Okay.

O-R durr...

Wait. Just use "appetizer."

- Yeah. Good, okay. - Yeah.

Ap-pt...

How you spell appetizer?

- My sister. How are you? - How are you?

- Ap-pt, appet... - Hey, Mr. Brown.

Your big debut is almost here. You ready?

- How's the song coming? - Oh, Cora, good.

Uh, Cora, my songwriting process is

I start at the top with the title,

then I write the song down.

Right now, I just got a bunch of titles.

Okay, well, let me hear your best one.

My best one, Cora? All of them are my best one.

I just write platinum hits.

- Okay. Okay. - Bangers, clear bangers.

Cora, momma slappers. That's all I write, Cora.

Well, I love your confidence, so slap me with one.

Yeah, okay. Let me get you one right here, Cora.

Uh, what about this one?

"Just call me Tabacky

'cause you chewed me up and spit me out."

- Oh, lovely. - You like that?

Uh, yeah, check this one out.

"Even my dog say, 'It's not you. It's me."

- Okay. - You like that one?

I got time for one more.

- Go ahead, one more. - Okay, let me see.

I'ma get you a good one.

Here, check this out right here.

"You put my heart in a microwave on high.

And ran over it with an 18-wheeler.

10-4, good buddy, I'm out."

- Wow. - You like that one?

Those titles are interesting, Mr. Brown.

- They what? - They interesting.

- "They interesting"? - Yeah.

You should've just said they suck, Cora.

That's just another way of saying they suck.

- No. - You trying to make a cinnamon.

And you could've just said it sucks.

- A cinnamon? - Yes.

Words that mean the same thing.

- You mean "synonym"? - Whatever. Tomato, tomorrow.

It's the same thing.

You could've just said they suck.

Well, Mr. Brown, I like your creativity and all,

but they all sound so sad.

Well, Cora, that's what country music is.

"You done lost my dog.

I lost my truck.

There's a tear in my beer," Cora.

It's just sad, Cora. You just...

You gotta be low like this.

Mr. Brown, I mean, yes, country music can be sad,

it doesn't have to be.

Long as you telling a great story,

you should be fine.

Oh, okay, uh,

did you call your friend for me to come...

Well, I did, but she's, uh...

She said you could sing for her.

Okay. Okay, that's good. But what about it?

But, Mr. Brown, I really think you should, uh...

I think you should do a trial run performance for me.

You know, sing for me, your first.

You think I don't see what you doing?

- What? - You think

- you can put that by me? - What?

You trying to get me to do a song for you

so I won't embarrass myself. I see that.

No, that is not what I'm saying...

That's exactly what you saying.

Don't be silly, Mr. Brown. That is not what I'm saying,

but you do need to sing for me

so you won't embarrass me.

Well, I think, with an altitude like that,

you should recooze yourself from my trial

'cause I don't think gonna be the best judge of a talent

like mine.

Well, Mr. Brown, I think you should try...

How about you try our celebrity judge, Anastasia?

And if she likes your performance,

you can sing at the saloon, right?

I hope she ready for what I'm about to give her

'cause I'm about to give her some bangers.

Some platinum hits.

I'll bust out one that one like...

Well, you got to write the song first.

Right, Cora. Go on. Let me write something.

- Okay, all right. - Okay.

You so grand, you ain't even got nothing.

No, Cora, that's the way I do.

"A donkey and a skunk fell in love.

I guess you could call them a stinky...

No, I can't write that one.

Hey!

Jeremy.

How was your first prostate exam?

Ah, did you cuddle afterwards?

Jokes on you two comedians 'cause I didn't go.

What? You skipped your appointment?

- Yep. - Why would you do such a thing?

Look, man, I'm not with all that bending over,

putting the finger in your... all that.

Uh-uh, I can't do it.

You know, there's a saying in my country.

which loosely translates to, "Jeremy, you're an idiot."

That's a saying in your country?

Yes, I said it and I'm from my country.

Well, Jeremy, Efe and I were having

a collegial laugh at your expense,

but the exam itself is nothing to worry about.

Ah, yes. It's so simple.

It's like a mechanic checking your engine oil.

Think it's gonna be different than that.

Well, perhaps, but it is quick and painless.

And it is over before you know it.

And the worst that can happen if you don't get your oiled checked

is if, maybe later, you have to buy a new engine.

Oh, yes, if you don't take your prostate exam,

- you could have cancer. - Yeah.

And not even know it until it's too late.

Efe is right. Early detection could save your life.

Yes, even if you don't want to do it,

think of Leah and the children.

Where would they be if something happened to you?

All right, all right, okay, I need y'all to be quiet now.

I see.

So our words meaning nothing to you?

Actually, they mean everything.

I'm gonna call the doctor

and see if I can get a new appointment.

That's my boy!

Look, fellas, I want to thank y'all

for actually taking the time

to talk to me about this, all right?

Even though y'all had a lot of jokes.

Ah, it's okay.

We are like a calabash full of water

next to an empty glass.

It is our job to fill youthful minds with wisdom.

So you said I had an empty mind?

Well, not anymore, young Jeremy, not anymore.

Judge Anastasia, based on this performance,

you get to decide if Mr. Brown

sings at the Tumbleweed Saloon.

Can I give my answer now?

But you haven't hear him sing yet, Ms. Anastasia.

- Fine, send him in. - Okay, okay.

Mr. Brown, we ready for you.

Howdy, partners.

It's your favorite cowboy, Leroy C.S. Brown.

The C.S. Stands for country superstar singer,

Singing real good country music.

Oh.

I'm gonna sing a song for you pretty ladies.

And I hope y'all fancy this song.

It's called Sweet Tea.

Let me put myself in the right key.

I'ma put myself in C-flat.

I'll just pick a key. I'm gonna do...

I like to pick my own key.

♪ I wrecked my tractor ♪

♪ And I hit a deer ♪

♪ My grand-momma went to prison ♪

♪ And the dog drank my beer ♪

Y'all sing this with me.

How can we possibly sing a song that just wrote 10 minutes ago?

Just join along.

♪ I've been through a lot You can believe you and me ♪

Okay.

♪ When life gives you lemons ♪

♪ You can make some sweet tea Sweet tea ♪

♪ [Mr. Brown] Oh, sweet tea ♪

♪ Sweet tea ♪

All right.

♪ Sweet ♪

The river dance is Irish.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

- Oh. - Oh.

- Mr. Brown. - Yeah, what you think, Cora?

You was up there. You was on that stage, Mr. Brown.

- Yeah, that's... - You ruled it. You took it.

- That's what I do. - Okay.

Yeah, whoo, Cora, being famous is hard work.

I'm good tired. I feel like

I got chest pains all over my body.

Well, Mr. Brown, really, I loved your positivity.

But you know what? Singing country music,

you don't have to put every country music cliché

into one song.

What, what, what you talking about, Cora?

Mr. Brown, you have to just tell the story,

tell a good story,

be relatable, and speak from your heart.

Why don't you give him an example?

- That's what I was doing. - Well, okay,

well, if I was... You know, 'cause country music

- has its roots from church. - Yeah.

So if I was gonna do something, I would do something like this.

♪ Precious Lord ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ Lead me on ♪

♪ Let me stand ♪

♪ I'm tired I am weak ♪

♪ I'm worn ♪

♪ Through the storm ♪

♪ Through the night ♪

♪ Lead me on ♪

♪ To the light ♪

♪ Take my hand ♪

♪ Precious Lord

♪ And lead me on

Now, that's what I would do if I had to do it.

That's the way I would tell it.

You ain't no me, Cora, but you was okay.

It was a little shaky at the front part.

- It was? - Yes.

- You gotta work on your tone. - Okay.

- And your diction. - All right.

Why don't I just sing the song, Cora sang?

You just give me the green light.

Well...

"Well"?

With the spinning buckle and all of this,

and you talking about "Well."

And the pink suit and everything.

After careful consideration...

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. - Careful consideration.

It is my solemn duty to say that the Tumbleweed Saloon

is going to be blessed with a debut performance

- of a lifetime. - Really? Thank you.

- Yes, really. - Really.

And I cannot wait for them to hear you sing,

Cora Jean Simmons!

Cora Jean Simmons?

No! No, that is not my intention, Ms. Anastasia. No!

Yes, it's your intention.

Just go on up there and break a back or something.

- Do what you gonna do. - What?

You done stole my thunder.

You gone stand there and sang long.

- You could've kept it short. - I don't know, Mr. Brown.

- I didn't know. - You know what?

I know. Yes.

I'll be your manager. We gonna be rich!

We'll both be rich.

You know she got her singing talent

from her daddy. You know that, don't you?

Well, singing like that, I don't think she's yours.

Somebody lied to you, buckaroo.

Mr. Brown.

Now Cora, go on and do it.

Mr. Brown, wait.

Jeremy. Hey, baby.

- Hey. - How was the gym?

I didn't go.

I got my prostate exam.

Yeah, somebody canceled,

so the doctor's office called me and...

Oh, great. Okay... Ooh, wait.

Was it bad?

No, it actually wasn't even that bad.

I don't know why I made a big deal about it.

Mm, I know why,

because you a strong man

and think that going to the doctor's

is a sign of weakness.

But being a strong man

means putting yourself first and your family first, baby.

Yeah.

Hey, did you know that black men are twice as likely

to be diagnosed with prostate cancer,

and even more likely to die from disease?

Getting early screening is so important.

- I'm glad I went. - Me too.

You know, I got a lot to live for.

And I guess your big-head self is at the top of that list.

- Oh, I love you, baby. - Love you too.

And we need you around here, so...

What, you need me to fix something?

You know what? I'm gonna fix you something.

- How about that? - What's that?

- See, I just need my spatula. - Okay.

- I need my skillet. - All right, keep going.

And I need my famous pancake mix.

- Oh, yeah. All right. - Mm-hmm.

I might have to stick around for a little longer.

You might want to 'cause I'm gonna whip it up.

Make my pancakes, woman.