Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: This program is rated 14+,

and contains scenes of violence, coarse language,

and mature subject matter.

Viewer discretion is advised.

[ Can lid pops ]

[ Screams ]

?

[ Bats screeching ]

?

Holy shit.

Alfred, is that you?

May I speak with you?

Yes, Mr. Wayne.

It all makes sense now, Alfred.

For years, my mind was a complete and utter mystery.

But now I see the truth.

Which is?

I think I might have adult ADHD.

Ah, yes.

I think you've mentioned that before, sir.

I'm taking all these online quizzes, and I'm like,

"Oh, my God, I'm scoring really high."

Wow. It's just crazy.

I know a lot of people are claiming they have

ADHD these days,

but in my case, I think I really do.

And this is all just from one online quiz?

I've taken multiple!

And they use the same criteria a real psychiatrist would.

Right. I'm not attacking you.

I'm just saying maybe it's- it's- it's something

you might want to discuss with a doctor.

Oh, totally. Yeah.

But I'm just like, sitting here being like,

what takes most people five minutes takes me multiple hours.

I'm creative, but easily overwhelmed.

Organized, but at the same time, not.

Yeah, totally, Mr. Wayne.

Oh. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I wanted to show you this video.

For the longest time, I always wondered why I struggled

with chores, but at the same time,

I'd like hyper fixate on, like, specific tasks.

It's about the intersection between people

with OCD and ADHD, and I was like,

this is exactly what it feels like to be inside my brain.

Mm-hmm.

And so I clicked to take the quiz,

and I'm like, "Whoa, that's crazy."

So you think you have both because you took an online quiz?

Yeah, I mean, I want to be really careful

with the stolen valor thing, but it makes certain patterns

in my adolescence

and early 20s just make a lot of sense.

Like, I've always hated bright lights and loud noises.

Okay, well, I'm happy that you're exploring.

And, uh, maybe the next best step for you

would be to visit a doctor.

I'm trying!

Okay. That's the problem.

Decision paralysis.

I want to find the best doctor,

so I spend hours looking up best doctor, super doctor,

whatever that means.

And then I just get overwhelmed and depressed.

That's a sign of ADHD right there!

I get it.

Oh, that's why I wanted to talk to you.

I think I might be bi.

Oh, nice man.

That's great.

So, like, uh, you've been dating guys or...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. God, no.

Uh, I'm just talking about in general.

I took this online quiz recently,

and the results were sort of like, oh,

that's really interesting.

The quiz said you're bi?

Well, no, it's not conclusive like that.

The quiz said I don't have to define anything.

It said all I have to do is live in the curiosity of it.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Nice. Uh, glad you're exploring, man.

?

[ Thuds ]

[ Soda fizzing ]

No.

No.

[ Intense music plays ]

All right, excellent, everyone.

That's going to wrap up things for Q3.

Before we bounce, I did have one thing that

I wanted to kind of chat about

and just to say it right off the top, nobody's in trouble.

We just want to use this space to kind of clear the air,

make sure that we're all feeling good

about our shared work environment.

So, um, yeah,

why don't we discuss the current usage of the lactation room?

Fuck this. Okay, Ben.

Nope. I just want you to relax.

I want you to listen and be a part of this conversation.

Yeah, I should have known

that this would turn into a goddamn ambush.

This is not a GD ambush. Nobody's in trouble.

Then why is HR here?

Why don't you just take a breath, all right?

Nobody is targeting you. We just want to talk.

Lucia, why don't you start?

Well, I really appreciate the lactation room.

As a new mother, it means a lot.

Amen to that.

And I would never police or question anyone

who has a legitimate reason to use the lactation room.

Nor would I.

Ben, we all know you have no good reason

to use the lactation room.

You need to fucking cool it, sister.

That lactation room is just as much mine

as it is any of ourses.

And if any one of you can show actual evidence of lawfully...

Benjamin, Benjamin, I need you to relax.

We're all going to take a breath right now.

We just want to know why...

What the fuck are you doing in there?

Why does it smell like apple cider vinegar after you use it?

Why does anything smell like anything?

Why does my basement smell like Sprite?

Your basement smells like sprite?

Then it doesn't smell bad.

It's more confusing and...

Warm. Like the room is cool,

but the smell is warm?

And metallic.

And I don't know if I'm imagining this,

but the sinks in the bathroom

don't work right after you leave, Ben.

I don't know what you're talking about.

And there's like this rattling sound and laughter like.

So you're just gonna say,

how come this and why this and why that?

And suddenly it's the Salem Wish trials

all over again.

Wish trials? Do you mean Salem witch trials?

What we're trying to say is that while legally, we're not allowed

to ask you to disclose why you're using the lactation room.

And correct me if I'm wrong here, Jackie, step in anytime.

But we are legally allowed to limit the usage...

Ben: Step in, Jackie.

...of the lactation room for nursing mothers.

And you are not a nursing mother.

That's correct.

Define milk.

Excuse me.

Define milk.

You can't do it.

Wow! The cowardice.

Can I just ask you a question?

Can I just ask you a question?

Am I under arrest at this present point in time?

No.

No? Good.

In that case, I need a moment.

Take your time, Ben.

?

? La la la la la la la la la la la la ?

? La la la la la la la la la la la la ?

? La la la la la la la la la la la la ?

[ Indistinct talking ]

[ Thudding ]

?

?

[ Can lid pops ]

Woman: Breaking news.

An unexpected tragedy this morning

as every dog in America's head exploded simultaneously.

Witnesses say they popped right off like a can of seltzer

that had been shaken as a joke.

In other news, the general is still...

No, no, no.

[ Intense music playing ]

?

So what are you up to, dude? Like...

Just, uh... just buried in work right now.

Oh, geez. Buried in work.

I know it, I know-

Well, lucky to have work the way things are going right now.

Blessed. I'm blessed.

See!

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