Original subtitles

Louise, these last few weeks have been really...

Well, they've been incredible. I've never met anyone like you, actually.

Wow. That IS good, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

It's very good.

Louise, I want to be honest.

In the past I've indulged in destructive behaviour,

behaviour that I am not proud of.

But I'm in recovery now, so for me every day is a blessing, it really is.

I think maybe this is the right time for me to open up, let someone in.

Thank you. Louise,

I...used to...expose parts of my naked body...

specifically my penis... to young women.

Pardon?

I'm a flasher, Louise. I'm a recovering flasher.

How young? Never younger than 16.

Which is the age of consent, so that's...

Do we get dessert with this?

This programme contains strong language.

I just can't believe this, this is amazing, you look great, you really... You look...

I thought you were in America? I thought you'd moved to...

Look at you with your suit, and I'm in a suit. We're in a suit.

God, time. It's mad, isn't it?

This is brilliant.

How's Damon, is he...? We split up.

You split up?

But that's... Oh, no, when?

God, but he was so good-looking, and together you were just...

Well, we split up. Seven years ago.

This is my house.

Well, it's not actually my house, it's just a temporary, you know, I'm in a transitional...

I mean, I live here, I do, but I'm buying my own place, soon.

Probably, when I get the, er...

Well, y'know, my parents aren't going to live forever.

Not that I'm waiting for them to... Let's go in. Come in, come in.

So, here we are.

That's not staying.

We're getting rid of that, that came with the... And that phone's shit too.

The girls might be here. They're a laugh, in a clever way. Karen's a teacher. And Louise...

She likes art and things.

We're quite cultured here,

like, uh, arts programmes, Newsnight, 24, News 24.

Yeah, we're good mates, I've got a lot of mates. Come in.

RUNNING WATER

SLURRED: Sorry, Donna. S'all right.

S'OK. I'm doing it into a glass.

Oh, shit.

Let's see if Karen's around.

He's, he's, he's a lovely guy when he's...

He's with Karen. She's helping him.

She's very, she's just like that.

CLINKING

SLURRED: I'm going to batter this apple, and then I'm going to deep-fry it.

Right, this is... I had some chicken, but I've lost it...

Karen, this is Catherine. Remember I told you about my friend who, er...?

Catherine, this is Catherine.

Catherine. You want a drink, Catherine?

Erm, yeah, thank you.

You got any money? Cos I'll pop down the licence. Actually, can YOU go?

I've got to keep an eye on this apple.

I mean, look at the state of this place! Why haven't we got nice things?

Why haven't we got wallpaper, not THAT wallpaper,

I mean proper wallpaper that you actually choose and put up?

And why have we got that phone?

There are SO many phones, we could have any one of a million phones, and we have THAT phone.

This is about your mate Catherine, isn't it?

You don't know about Catherine. Catherine is... Let me tell you about Catherine.

In the mid-90s, if anything at all happened in West Buntingford, she was at the centre of it.

She was wearing long cardigan-coats

six months before anyone else was.

And yes, they became naff.

And yes, they became used primarily to draw attention away from a heavy lower half,

but this was before all that

happened. What goes on in your head?

Karen, all I'm saying is that when I bring someone like that to my home,

I would like to feel

like she might look at me and think,

"Yeah, Donna's done well."

But you haven't.

That's not the point. I'd better go.

I've got to try and find a way to

get into the office.

Don't you own the company, Billy? Haven't you got keys? Yeah, I have, but they changed the locks.

To keep me out. We make more money that way.

We've a load of phones at work. I'll bring you one in if you like, they're nice ones.

Thanks, Billy, but it's not about the phone... What kind of phones?

Blue ones. Yeah, well, you may as well. Yeah.

Aren't you going into work today? I can't go in. Look at the state of me.

They're six-year-olds, Donna, I'd scare the living shit out of them. Can you hear yourself, Karen?

Look, I really like Billy. I think he's a lovely guy, but he's a MESS!

And he makes you worse.

You two should not be together, it's like Oliver Reed and Judy Finnegan. It's just wrong.

Morning. How did the big date go, then?

Please tell me you at least got yourself a handful.

You are so crude. Mike's not like that, he's a lovely man.

It's just that we really talk and he's so honest and revealing, and...

really honest.

I just don't want to rush him. God. It sounds serious.

Yeah. I think it is. I mean, he's been through a lot so he's not had a relationship for a long time,

because, well, you know, he's been hurt in the past,

and legally speaking he has to report any contact with women to his parole officer, so...

What? Yeah, well, he used to be a sort of sex offender, but nothing serious.

What? Louise! What sort of sex offender?

Oh, just flashing, girls. In the park. But not KIDS.

Adults. Just young adult women. He's a flasher?

Don't judge him. Society does that.

Correctly. He's a fucking flasher!

He WAS a fucking flasher. He's in recovery.

It's in the past, and who are we to point the finger at others?

We're people who don't show our genitals to other people!

Do NOT compare me having a laugh on a Friday night, with some dirty park ranger.

Don't call him a dirty park ranger!

He's a good man. He knows he's made

mistakes in the past. Why can't we

give people a second chance?

We're not saying don't give people

a second chance. Don't give FLASHERS

a second chance!

Oh, that's brilliant. What kind of society would that be?

That's not the kind of world I want to live in.

Yes, he's made mistakes.

And no, they're not "cool" mistakes

like drugs or armed robbery.

They're dirty mistakes, but they're mistakes nonetheless.

All I'm asking is that you give him a chance.

Bit of a dog, is he?

Never SEEN a good-looking flasher.

Shall I pick the meat off another Scotch egg for you?

No, five's my limit.

I've always loved the park.

I sort of see it as my spiritual home.

GIRLS LAUGH

So when am I going to see the girls? What?

Your flatmates sound great. I can't wait to meet them.

Oh, yeah, well, they can't wait to meet you as well.

This is great. Six months ago I would have felt compelled to show her my penis.

But now, here I am sitting here like a normal person. It's so positive.

I feel so...

Kiss me!

It's so good that I can be so honest with you. I never feel like I have to censor my thoughts.

You could censor them a little bit.

No!

My therapist says that it's only by being upfront and confronting the past

that we lay the groundwork for a future. A future with you.

Catherine?

Oh, hi, Donna. I've just ordered. Do you want something? Oh, yeah, I'll have a latte.

God, how are you...? And a latte, please.

Have you been waiting...?

You look... Cardigan. I love that, that's...

Is it a cardigan? Is it a coat? How are you?

Shit.

Oh, well, that's... Sorry to hear it.

Do you want to sit down? We can talk and...

Yeah. We've just got to pay for the coffee.

Oh, yeah, of course. £1.55.

I've paid for mine, so... Sure, sure.

Cheers for that, Karen.

Actually, do you mind if I hang on to this? For fags?

What's happened to your money, Billy?

I've sorta had all me assets frozen.

Yeah, I know. I think they was worried I might abscond.

Or...spend it.

Who? Why? Ah, it doesn't matter.

Honestly, it's not a big deal.

All right, OK. Now, it's no big deal

but this Argentinian girl

who was sort of working for me as a cleaner and her passport was up, yeah?

And, um, I don't really remember it

but I think...we...got married?

Well, anyway, she's divorcing me now and taking me for every penny I've got. She's WHAT?

Well, I've been a bad husband, what with drink and drugs and stuff.

But you married her just to keep her in the country.

It's difficult to build a defence around that.

And you're just going to let this happen?

No, no, it's all with my lawyers and everything. She'll probably end up with no more than...

60 or 70% of my earnings.

And everything I own.

Actually, Karen...

Can we talk about something else, cos I think I might...

you know...

cry...

Look, what are WE doing in a PUB when you've got this going on?

Making it better. Oh.

I'm going. Yeah, you're right. It's dead in 'ere, man. No, not to another pub, Billy!

This has got to stop. LOOK at us!

Hang on, look, you're right. No, you are!

But don't just split us up like that, we don't have to do that, cos I need you.

Look, we'll finish our drinks, and then we'll sort this shit out. But let's do it together.

Please?

And then I joined the Krishnas for two years, which was awful.

But it kept me away from thinking about suicide.

Then I met Adrian, who I hate.

We were only together for two weeks

when Troy was conceived.

So we stayed together for three years, and just when I got the courage to leave him,

I fell pregnant with Liam.

Two years later Adrian left me for his cousin. They've split up, so...

Are those desert boots?

Yeah. Are they coming back?

What are you talking about, Donna?

No, er, sorry, nothing.

Well, you've got kids. That's... that's great.

Sometimes I look at them and I think, "You've taken everything from me."

So, er, so at least you got away from Adrian.

Yeah, but now we've got back together. For the kids?

No. Just not to be lonely.

It's great to see one of the old gang doing well.

Who?

Oh, me? You haven't...compromised, Donna.

You're living the life we all hoped we'd live.

The dream.

Am I? I mean, I am, not "Am I?"!

I am, yeah. Yeah, it's great.

SLURRED: I can't seem to...

I can't...

Karen, can I just pop it in soft?

No, you fucking can't! Oh, hang on, hang on...

I thing I'm getting something.

SHE GURGLES

Ah, shit!

Hang on, hang on...

Ohh! Wassa fuckin'...

This has never happened to me before.

SLURRED: I can only offer you my sincerest apo... Hang on,

hang on... Shall we get a pizza?

Oh! See, if I can just get the TOP in...

AARGH! Jesus Christ! Louise, it's me!

No, I know who it is, I thought you were... What?

No, no, look, sorry. It's just the way you stepped out.

No, you see I thought...

I was going to flash you? No, no, no!

I didn't think... God, no.

And look, even if you were...

I wasn't. No, I know. But even if...

I wasn't.

What I'm saying is, I'm your girlfriend.

If you can't flash me, who can you flash?

Mike?

I just feel, if I haven't got your trust, then whose trust have I got?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mike. It was just a shock. I just want to be normal.

But what's normal about exposing yourself in front of young women? You ARE normal.

That's all over with. We can forget all that.

The thing is, Louise, it becomes a downward spiral.

You just feel worse and you think, "The only possible way I can ever feel better about myself

"is to pull myself off in front of a stranger."

Well, that's in the past. We can forget all that, Mike.

When it's not enough, you experiment.

We can forget all that, Mike. What happens if I use a rubber glove?

Or if I write "Mum" on my stomach in lipstick?

What happens if I put butter on my balls?

Mike, we really can forget all that!

You think I'm a freak. And you're right. I'm never going to fit in.

You ARE going to fit in.

You are a good man.

And I tell you what, you're coming round to my house tomorrow night.

You're going to have dinner, you're going to meet my friends, and they're going to love you.

And your evil curse.

It's like time can be so powerful, it can take a person.

I mean, you think you know someone and you see that same person 11, 12 years later and they're...

Time's taken them away. I mean, where to?

Who knows? It was like her entire personality had...died.

In what way?

She was wearing exactly the same things she was wearing 12 years ago.

But in what way had her personality died?

Right, well...

She was wearing stripy trousers, a cardigan coat, desert boots.

What difference does it make what she was wearing? No, no, it's not about the clothes.

The clothes are a metaphor, they're a symbol.

I'm talking about a more profound change, how someone can just switch off to LIFE.

I could've sworn I saw a bandana in her pocket.

Donna thinks her friend's rubbish cos of her clothes. Because of her CLOTHES?

I don't think she's rubbish, I just think she's become a bit rubbish.

Donna, that is the shallowest thing I've ever heard. It's not shallow, I'm just saying...

Look, the clothes are a metaphor, OK?

It's not about the clothes, it's about, well, wearing shit clothes, yeah.

But what I'm saying, right, OK, what I'm saying is,

her SOUL was wearing shit clothes,

yeah, that's it. Her soul was stuck

in the '90s.

And these days, with H&M, there's just no need for that.

How's it going with the flasher? His name's Mike.

All right,

how's it going with Mike the

flasher?

Don't call him that, I like him. How can you like someone who exposes themselves?

Well, I don't judge people on their clothes.

He doesn't WEAR any clothes.

Don't talk like that.

He's coming round tonight. He hasn't

got his confidence back yet.

Well, he should just go out and subjugate a few more women, then.

Please don't tell him that I've told you about this.

He's nervous enough as it is.

Oh, God, Catherine's coming round tonight. Why are you inviting this girl if you don't like her?

Who says I don't like her? She's still Catherine.

She's just a bit... Look, Karen, she thinks I'm brilliant, OK?

And I don't want to rub her face in it but I want her to go away thinking, "Yeah, Donna's brilliant.

"More brilliant than me, even though I started out more brilliant than her.

"She's more brilliant than me now.

"I'm just crap." That's great, she can meet him.

I'll cook for her too. Are you and Billy on solids tonight?

There is no Billy. I've had enough. I'm kicking him out. He's upstairs, packing.

So you've finally seen sense? Yeah. I just think he's irresponsible.

Karen! Karen! She's going home. We put the shits right up her! She thought we was trying to kill her.

She's going back to Argentina!

And it's all thanks to you!

Mwah! I tell ya, if she hadn't suggested burning her house down...

CAT MIAOWS

What?

I couldn't say no to him, could I? I'm really worried about this evening.

What are you talking about? He loves cooking.

It keeps him away from the booze. Right, girls, it's all figured out.

We're going to be starting off with whelks in Drambuie,

followed by seared breast of chicken

in a white wine sauce, with new

potatoes and Sambuca legumes.

I'm thinking about doing

vodka mushrooms. What do you think?

Fucking hell, Billy! What's for dessert?

Cocaine trifle?

And then I went travelling, which was, oh, incredible, incredible.

I went to Paris, Brussels, then back

to Paris. It's amazing what you can

pack into two weeks.

Yeah, I just think it's important to, er...

to expand your mind and your horizons, which is why I've got all those books.

SHE SIGHS Do you read, or watch...DVDs? No.

What's Adrian doing tonight?

Watching porn.

Right. God. I don't mind.

Keeps him away from ME. Well, every cloud has a...creamy lining!

I'm joking, I'm joking!

Do you know any jokes?

FOOTSTEPS

Here's Karen.

Who's put all these poxy books here?

CLINKING

Billy's making a sauce.

Billy...is cooking. He's Karen's sort of friend-boyfriend-partner.

That's the way things are here, we don't have boundaries and definitions.

DRUNKENLY: Stop talking shit. Karen! Great, Louise!

Oh, great... This must be Mike? Hello.

Oh, great, Mike. I've heard so much about you.

Right. Well, you must have heard that I'm a convicted sex offender, then? No.

Well, I am. I'm in recovery now, but I used to expose my genitals to women. Sorry.

This must be...Karen?

INTENSE WHISPERED EXCHANGE

Karen, I'm Mike.

You may as well know I'm a convicted sex offender and I used to expose my genitals to women.

What do you want, a fugging medal? This must be Catherine?

Oh, I think it's time for dinner. Is that...? I think that's Sambuca legumes I'm smelling.

Look, I hope this doesn't make you all feel awkward, it's just these days

I think it's best to be upfront.

Part of my behavioural problems in the past have stemmed from my inability to be honest about myself.

Show us yer cock.

Well, well, Karen, there was a time.

Karen! No, it's fine, Karen's

just having a joke. And it IS funny.

It's a ridiculous thing I used to feel the need to...

Get yer knob out. That's what I'm saying.

Once upon a time I would've, and that's the problem. But now, with therapy, I'm moving...

Show us it, then.

..away from the stigma of... This is great, isn't it? ..showing my penis to women.

HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY

These sorts of debates, that's just what we're like here. I mean, we get all sorts dropping round...

Free thinkers, gangsters, tinkers...

What's the matter? You don't like it when a woman asks you? Does that intimidate you?

Karen, you're drunk. At least I'm not a dirty park ranger.

OK, yes, I did do things, that's right. But I am trying to move on from that.

I'm not proud of what I've done.

I'm not proud of exposing my genitals.

Can you stop talking about it, then?

Sorry? Just stop going on about it!

I mean, is it always going to be like this?

If I introduce you to my parents, do you tell THEM?

Would you tell my old schoolteacher,

Mrs Reedy?

Would you tell Mrs Reedy? What if you met a celebrity? Would you tell them?

Sir Paul McCartney? Would you tell Sir Paul McCartney?

Wassa matter? Mummy not give you enough huggy-wuggy?

Don't talk to him like that! No.

No, Louise, let Karen say what she wants to say. She has that right.

Yes, Karen, I have got a past.

A bad past. And I am not proud of what I've done. Not proud at all.

But I AM trying to move on from that.

I'm trying to make my life so that I am no longer a danger to myself or those around me.

I'm... I'm just trying to live a good life.

All I'm asking from you is that you let me do that.

SOBBING

Come 'ere, man. Aww!

Maybe we can move on from this now,

because, not that it hasn't been fun, y'know, because it has, but...

If I had one fuckin' ounce or micro-ounce of the strength

and the courage that you've got, man, I would be king of the world! Thank you.

Thanks for that.

You must be Billy. I'm Mike.

I'm a convicted sex offender.

What?

CHAOTIC SCREAMING

Billy!

Well, that's everything. We can talk about this, Kal, can't we, you know?

We don't have to split up, do we? I mean, maybe we can find a way to...

Will you tell Louise I'm sorry about her boyfriend's face?

And leg.

TAXI ENGINE IDLES

Don't go like this, Mike! I think Billy made some trifle for dessert, so...

No, look, he's going. He won't BE there. You don't have to...

You think that's why I'm leaving?

All right, look, I admit it. Yes, I find it a bit...

difficult when you talk about it. But maybe we can just not talk about it?

I thought you could accept my past.

I thought YOU were different. I AM different! Just not that different.

I'm going to go, Louise.

Wouldn't want to embarrass you if Sir Paul McCartney happens to drop by. Mike.

What is the matter with you?

Why do you ALWAYS have to do this? I'm sick of it!

What is it about living here that you can't have anything?

Are you happy now? Are you happy that he's gone?

I am happy that the flasher has left the building, yes, Louise, I am.

He might have been a flasher, but at least he was MY flasher.

Look, I'm sorry, Catherine. I don't know what I was trying to do here.

I was trying to impress you or something, I suppose. Who am I trying to fool?

Christ, that's just pathetic! I suppose I just wanted you to think that...

What the fuck are you doing?!

I've never done it with a woman. What? It's one of the things I've never done.

Never with a woman, and I thought, you know, you lot seem up for anything... What? No! No way!

What are you talking about? Jesus Christ!

What do you think this is, some sort of sex colony?

There's so many things I haven't...

I haven't lived.

And I see you, and you're so cool and happy and everything here is so wonderful

and I've...had such a wonderful time. Really?

Yeah.

My life is SHIT.

Catherine, your life isn't shit, OK?

It's just...very disappointing.

You've just got to get out there, y'know? Do a course. Join Kabbalah!

It'll happen for you, Catherine.

Just like it happened for me.

Yeah...maybe.

I'd better go.

You're doing really well, Donna.

I know.

No, not that. Just shake hands, just...

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