Original subtitles

You gotta know when to shut up.

I don't wanna hear no more, man. - Listen to this, man. I mean--

I don't wanna hear no more. Stop following me!

I can do stand-up. You just--let me tell you,

let me tell you what I can-- look at this one.

Hey, hey, hey, what's going on?

He thinks he's a comedian, that's what.

Well, I can do anything I put my mind to.

Except make people laugh. You can't do that.

Okay, okay, listen to this. This is about to be hilarious.

Okay, what did one ocean say to the other ocean?

I don't know.

They didn't say nothing. They just waved.

I'm killing doc, I'm killing!

No, you need to be killed. You need to be killed!

Okay, okay, Vinny listen, listen.

Watch this, watch this. Vinny.

You want to hear a construction joke?

I can't 'cause I'm still working on it.

So stupid!

Hey, what'd you get the medal for?

Okay, look.

I won the 100 yard dash at field day.

You should've seen it. I smoked them boys.

I don't even know what happened. It was like a blur.

It's called being in your zone, man.

See, you got that in your blood.

I won field day at the highest level

at Denmark Technical School, baby, HBCU.

Denmark, South Carolina, man. Sure did.

You ain't the only one that know how to run fast.

I won field day at my high school at the middlest level.

Yes, and I bet you didn't know I was in the Olympics.

- Really? -Oh yeah.

You know the Black man that was on the thing with

the head like that and you couldn't see his face?

That was me.

You was the black fist?

Yeah. That's me.

Brown, you ain't never beat nobody in a foot race.

Stop lying, man. - I could beat you!

Okay, you know what? I would beat you,

but my mama told me don't fight ugly people

'cause they ain't got nothing to lose.

Well, I bet your mama ain't never had a fight either then.

Don't talk about my mama, man.

Hey, hey, hey...

break it up, guys! - What?

There's only one way to settle this.

- Well, I know how to settle it. - No, no, to decide

who the supreme athlete is-- - Mh-mm?

We'll have a Mr. Brown versus Grandpa Vinny field day.

Oh, I'mma bring it! I can see it now.

Leroy FL Brown.

The FL is for Fast as Lightning.

I'm about to smoke him like a cigarette.

Just--just like that.

And I'm about to run the color out them

ugly ass pants.

Did you see that?

I just ran outside and came back.

Need me to slow it down?

I'm back. Cold, cold

Just left your mama's house. I'm back again, look at that.

This is gonna be good.

♪

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

Ooh, Crawford has a good Political Science department.

Mmm. Speaking of colleges.

Have you narrowed down your list yet?

You know, maybe Bridgewell.

I know they made it to this year's top

Ivy League schools. - Okay, of course?

It's been like the only thing that's on my mind.

Okay, so I've narrowed it down to two schools.

But I'm torn between the two.

Okay, I mean, you know I love Bridgewell, right?

It's your alma mater and it's a great school.

But, there's one more school that I love.

Ooh! Love it? Love it?

Okay, look, look, look. Crawford College,

it is so perfect.

Yeah, I like Crawford. I mean, it's

a good school, babe. But, oh my gosh, Bridgewell is

so much more diverse. I mean, Black, white, Hispanic,

Asian, Brazilian, Indian, Africans, like, you gonna meet

so many interesting people. You gonna get to

get that passport stamp, you know what I'm saying?

Right, okay, look, I've entered the summer programs

for both of the schools, so. We'll just have to wait

and see what happens. But I'll have to

make a decision very soon.

You know, any school would be lucky to have you.

Right? I'm so proud of you.

Thanks Mom

But.

I would be really proud and excited if you decided

to go to Bridgewell.

Okay, bye, Mom.

I mean, you know, it's a good school.

- Okay, bye, Mom. - Right?

We could be like twinsies! We could get matching university

shirts, girl! - Okay, I don't know

about twins. - Yeah. Right?

We're not wearing the same clothes.

- I wonder if they'd let-- - We will never wear

the same clothes. - Never?

We will never wear

the same clothes. - Girl. Girl. When you get

an alumni shirt, we're gonna wear the same clothes, okay?

I'm gonna come sit in one of your classes.

- Okay, goodbye, goodbye. - I wonder if Professor Jackson

is still-- - You know what? Mom--

I still think-- you don't want your clothes?

Close your brother's drawer. You're putting me out!

I'm gonna come and visit you at college,

you know!

I'm paying for it.

Hey.

Hey baby, what's wrong?

I'm having trouble deciding which college I want to attend.

I mean, I have two top choices, but I love them both.

Girl, with your track record and your grades, any school

in the world would want you. Which two schools?

Bridgewell and Crawford.

That's easy for me! Crawford, it was my alma mater.

Yes, we ranked number one for several years, HBCU.

There's no better school than Crawford.

I know, I love Crawford so much.

But, I also love Bridgewell.

You know, there's no comparison between an HBCU

and a traditional college like Bridgewell.

Beg to differ.

What makes an HBCU better than a traditional college?

Have you ever been to a opera? Or know what opera is?

- Yeah, I know what an opera is. - That will be Bridgewell, okay?

And, uh, if you... have you ever been to

the Battle of the Bands? - Mm-hmm.

That's a HBCU, baby. We be breaking it down.

Are you going to school to boogie

or to get an education?

- We going for both! -Oh?

At a traditional school like Bridgewell,

there's more resources.

The more majors, more internships,

more opportunities.

That's why I love my HBCU, baby.

We built sisterhoods together

that still stand strong to this day.

And we even fought injustices and help build our community.

We did everything we could to make it better for y'all, baby.

See what I'm saying? Sandra, ain't nothing

like the HBCU. - Bridgewell, no comparison.

Bridgewell is a much finer institution.

It's all right. But you know what?

I'm going to Bible study. I'll talk to you later.

You have a good evening, Mr. Reginald.

Yeah, yeah, Bridgewell.

Oh, hey, hey y'all. I see y'all, what's up?

Hey, Philip. What college are you going to?

Bridgewell.

Because mom and dad went there?

No, 'cause Charlotte's going. And wherever she goes, I go.

Okay, you know what? I am done talking to you.

Oh, Miss Anastasia! What college did you go to?

Oh! Sit down.

I went to the Griffin University,

the foremost HBCU in the country.

It took me from my small town into the big city of DC.

And I had the time of my life.

We worked hard together, we cried together,

and we partied like there was no tomorrow!

Everyone wants me to go to the college

that they like the best, but no one's even

asked me how I feel. - Well.

How you feel sweetheart?

I really don't know.

Ooh, wow.

- That's loud! - Oh, we old. We old now.

- All right, all right. - Come on now.

- How everybody feeling? - Yeah, I'm feeling good!

Y'all feeling good?

How's the knees? How's the knees?

All right, this is event number one

in the Mr. Brown versus Grandpa Vinny field day.

Okay!

So we gonna start off with a nice...

Okay. I see you.

We're gonna start off with a nice strong sack race.

- Gotcha. - But we're gonna keep it clean.

No running, no touching. - Gotcha.

And no farting, Grandpa Vinny!

If I fart before the race, does that count?

Yes, just don't fart at all.

Okay. All right, all right.

Alright, so the first one down

and back to me wins.

Hop only.

Hey, I'mma show you how I did it at field day

at my high school. I'm in the hall of fame.

- For what? - For the pole vault.

It had to be one strong-ass pole.

All right, all right, all right,

enough of the chit-chat.

Feeding bags, we good? Okay.

- I'm a good sportsman. -Yeah.

Good luck.

I hope you get second.

I got this in the bag, shut up.

Now we're ready.

Hey! Any last words?

Uh, yeah, you look like a cross between Richard Simmons

and Bruce Bruce. -Hey, hey, hey!

- On your marks! - Uh-huh.

- Get set! - Uh-huh.

We told you about that! Stop with that, wachu doin' man?

All right, all right, all right.

Event number two. -Okay.

Toilet paper challenge.

This ought to be right up your alley, Brown.

I'm about to wipe you with this.

Anyways.

Alright, so what you're going to do.

Grab the toilet paper, put it on your head,

and do a squat.

Like this. - Uh-huh.

- Oh, that boy's talented. - He's good, look at it, man.

You talented, you must got some

African in you or something.

Yeah, he does, just a little bit.

All right. So you're going put the toilet paper on your head,

do a squat down and rise.

- Okay. - That's one set.

- Okay. - First person to 10 wins.

- Wow! - Got it! I got it!

- We can do that. - I got this!

It ain't no problem.

- Alright. On your marks. - Here we go.

- Get set. - Spread them out,

spread them out!

- We got to go low! - That's as low as I can go!

- All right. - I can't go no lower!

- Come, come back up! - I'm locked!

- Come back... - I'm locked there!

Are you twerking or shaking, Mr. Brown?

Get up! - Oh, god!

Help me!

My hip went out!

I gotcha!

Okay. Okay.

Well, that didn't work.

Look at my leg shaking, look at my leg shaking.

My gosh. Stop, stop, stop!

Alright since neither of you completed event one or two,

the winner of event three is going to be our winner.

Well, what's event three?

One event, three words. One chip challenge.

One chip challenge?

All it's gonna be is just one chip? Come on now.

Both of you guys gonna eat one spicy chip

and whoever reaches for the safety glass of milk first

is the loser. - Oh, I got this one.

I been eating chips a long time.

Bring the chips out!

All righty. Thank you.

- Thank you. - All righty.

Oh my goodness. Is that the acceptance letter

for the summer program at Bridgewell?

They're summer program letters from both Bridgewell

and Crawford. They've come at the same time.

- Oh my goodness. - Good luck!

Okay, you have to understand

if I get accepted into one of the summer programs,

it's about a 90 percent chance that I'll get accepted

into the university next year. - Well, come on, honey!

Let's roll with it!

Good luck.

Come on, baby!

What does it say? What does it say?

The suspense is killing me.

You?

I guess she didn't get into either one.

No, no, no, no, no.

She got accepted into one of these.

Okay, she got accepted into the summer program at Crawford.

Oh, now I came home at the right time!

Now that's some great news!

Yes, yes, yes, yes! She got accepted into

the summer program at Bridgewell, yes!

That's okay, that's okay.

But we know it's Crawford. Crawford it is.

Says who?

Says America. She needs to go to school

with her people so she can learn more about her culture

- America? - Yes!

She needs to get the best education.

She needs to be somewhere with top-of-the-line technology

so she can push forward.

A larger institution will allow Sandra

to spread her wings and explore all majors.

Say that, Mr. Reginald.

It's an easy choice if you ask me.

First of all, ain't nobody asked you, Mr. Reginald.

You can say anything you want. We want her to get

the best education for her.

- Absolutely. - Okay?

Yeah, that would be Crawford.

Wait a minute, where you going?

We'll support you in whatever decision you make, babe.

I know you want me to go to Bridgewell, Mom.

Your dad and I

will support whatever choice you make.

Even if that means you go to that other school.

Oh, you mean Crawford College?

One of the best schools for Black women in the country?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that other place.

You, you have not one but two colleges that want you.

You're blessed. You even...

you're better than blessed.

Baby, she's right. She's, she's right.

I just got caught up. I got caught up in wanting you

to, to you know, go to the same place I went.

Like, do all the same things I did,

go to the same places I went to when I was...

- Homecoming Café, -Yes!

Q-Time, Annie Laura's Kitchen. Yes, I know, Mom.

Boring.

Now, I told you about cutting me off earlier today.

Remember that?

- Sorry. -Mm-hmm.

But your dear mother would, um, forgive you and let that slide

if you decide to go to Bridgewell.

So, it's time you put on your big girl boots

and it's all on you.

Crawford College!

Bridgewell!

Crawford College!

Bridgewell!

Crawford College! Oh yeah!

Bridgewell!

Ooh, mama jokes, okay! Your mama,

your mama's so dumb!

How dumb is she?

She saw a sign that said, "Disneyland left"

and she went home.

Oh really? Oh really? His mama's so stupid.

How stupid is she?

She took a ruler to bed

to see how long she was sleeping!

I'm killing you!

Killing it!

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Your mama's so old.

How old is she?

I hit her in the back and her boobs fell off.

One, two.

Nah, nah, nuh-uh! Nuh-uh! Listen!

His mama's so big.

How big is she?

She had to go to the car wash to take a shower!

I'm killing you! You're dead!

Let's put a stop to this, something your mama

don't ever say, anyway.

We gonna check what a man I am.

- All right, all right. - What's in the bag?

Oh, oh you'll see.

All right, so, the rules are as follows.

Okay, it's very simple.

Both of you guys eat the entire chip

and whoever reaches for their glass of milk first

to stop the burning sensation loses.

Understood?

You know, when I was a baby.

I had Mexican jalapeños in my breast milk.

You know what?

My mama used to make red pepper collard greens

that'll burn your tongue completely off.

And I put hot sauce in mine.

Ooh.

Look, you have to wear a glove to transfer

the chip to your mouth. It's so spicy

that it can burn your skin.

Ain't got to wear no glove.

If you touch your eye, if you touch your eye!

We're gonna have to go to the hospital.

Mr. Vinny, uh, Mr. Brown, put the glove on.

All right, I'll put the gloves on.

- Ain't no chip with no glove. - Chip for a glove.

Just one chip, how bad can it be?

This is some stupid stuff.

All right. On your mark.

Get set. - Okay.

The entire chip. The entire chip.

BROWN: Read 'em and weep.

- Any second now. -You can do it Grandpa!

Grandpa, you can do this!

Any second now!

Any second.

There, there it goes.

Woo-hoo!

Drink the milk!

Tap out, tap out!

Drink the milk! Drink the milk!

We got a winner! Winner!

I got to use it!

Oh my god!

- Okay. - Yes!

We would love to welcome you to our program

this summer for you to learn more about our school

and spend time with us on campus.

- Still deciding? - Oh, well I--

- Crawford it is! - Well, I--

Let her down easy, baby.

Okay, I still don't know!

Girl, you know you want to pick one of them schools

you want to go to or not, quit playing.

She wants to go somewhere where she can get

the best education and experience that's gonna

prepare her for the corporate world.

Exactly. Then it's Crawford it is, baby.

Okay, she is going to go wherever she feels

is best for her, her mother's alma mater.

You know what? We shouldn't be putting

all this pressure on you like this, Sandra.

No, you should not be putting all this pressure

on my daughter like that!

No, we shouldn't!

Okay, okay. I'm sorry, baby.

Whatever you decide, I'm with you.

- Thank you, Cora. - You're welcome.

Aren't we?

Yes.

Ugh! My god!

Grandpa Vinny.

I know you want me to go to an HBCU, Grandpa Vinny.

That chip burned a hole in Grandpa Vinny's esophagus.

I don't think I can even speak right now, girl.

But check this out. Look, I don't want you to go

to a HBCU more than I want to see you be happy.

At the end of the day, you gonna be at that school

by yourself, we ain't gonna be there with you.

So, you have to do what's right for you.

You know?

Grandpa Vinny knows a lot more than most people

give him credit for.

What do you mean?

Why don't you get everybody in here?

Tell them what school you going to.

Put them out of their misery.

How did you know that I already made a choice?

You just told me. Let's get everybody in here.

Okay, so I've thought long and hard about this.

I've decided I'm gonna go to the school that's best for me.

That's right! That's right, sweetheart.

Good answer.

So, I'm taking my talents to Crawford College.

That's my girl!

Wonderful!

Mom?

Baby girl, I'm so proud of you.

Well, I guess we're gonna battle bands and boogie!

No, no, no boogie, no boogie.

You're gonna learn, too!

That's my baby!

Okay. All right, one chip challenge.

- Okay! - Right?

If you go for the link first, you go to Bridgewell, baby.

Okay. Okay!

If I go for the milk first,

I'll let you go to that other college.

What was that? What was that last part?

I'll let you go to the other college,

I'll let you go to Crawford, fine.

Okay. Okay! You're going down.

Let's do it. - All right,

don't forget the gloves. Don't forget the gloves.

-I need a glove? - Yes, yep.

Entire chip. Don't rub your eyes, do not.

Oh, you're going down.

Girl, I'm Bridgewell, huh! Certified, baby.

- Don't do it! Don't do it! - You got it, you got it!

You got it! - I got this.

Don't do it. Don't do it!

You got it, you got it, you go it, Sandra, you got it!

You got it, Mom.

All right.

All right, on your mark. - It's just one?

Yeah, yeah, one.

All right, on your mark.

Get set.

Come on!

Whole thing, whole thing, whole thing, whole thing!

Bridgewell! Bridgewell! Bridgewell!

Just grab the milk!

Grab the milk!

She's passing out! She's passing out!

You got it! You got it!

♪

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