Original subtitles

Bear in mind, this is just a dream.

But again, it could be reality.

Reality...

That's a slippery subject.

"The only difference between reality and fiction

is that fiction needs to be credible."

-Mark Twain.

But a dream...

no one can take that away from you

no matter how incredible it might be.

Dream your ass to Los Angeles...

land of four million dreamers.

What are those dreams?

Fame? Glory? Success?

A fleet of unnecessary automobiles?

For a lucky few,

the dream is something they can hold,

and shape with little resistance.

For everyone else, well, dream all you want.

Reality's a motherfucker.

And to survive it,

you might need to become something else entirely.

An unruly, ill-mannered mutt

that just crawled up out the swamp.

Only one way to find out.

♪ Lately, I can't breathe ♪

♪ These walls are closing in On me ♪

♪ This lump in my throat... ♪

♪ I'm choking to death... ♪

Jesse!

How many gallons of paint, man,

do you think it's going to take to do this?

Uh, I have no idea.

- No idea? - Nope.

Is that good news or bad news?

♪ That's got to be right, Lord ♪

♪ If I die tomorrow ♪

♪ I've lived tonight ♪

Hey, Dogg!

Yeah?

Uh, you want something to drink?

- Yeah, man. - What you want?

Uh, bring me some acidophilus milk.

Shit...

Uh...

Cheers. You don't even know what's in it

Well...

...I'll see.

Why's it so fucking quiet out here?

♪ I still like it ♪

♪ It's still good ♪

♪ I still like it ♪

♪ I return to find you waiting After I've been gone so long ♪

Is that Shorty over there?

Whoo!

I was born blue

Another day has come and gone

In a world Where I don't belong

Another day has passed me by

And it's not because I didn't try

Why wasn't I born With orange skin

And green hair

Like the rest of the people In the world?

I was born blue

Ladies and Gentlemen, without any further ado,

I'm proud to present to you,

none other than Swamp Dogg!

Um...

I started putting out records in uh...

1960...

...1954!

Yeah, I put out one record.

♪ Hey baby... ♪

I got it on the radio.

I was popular in school.

But I was only opening up at one place.

A place called Sunset Lake Park,

which was

the Black beach.

We weren't allowed to go in your water.

I was touring around when I was 14, 15.

For some reason at that time

I know you can't look at me and tell it now,

but I was cute.

So I was opening up for a lot of people

from Norfolk and Portsmouth, Newport News, Virginia.

There was an old boy down there named Leroy Little.

You know, he'd fool people. He would put a show together...

on the placard, instead of saying "B.B. King,"

it would say "B. King."

People would be demanding their money back.

Leroy'd say, "I'm gonna give you your money,"

and start beating the shit out of ya.

You know?

Leroy booked us on a show.

He had this nigga dressed in a gorilla costume.

Oh, lord.

This gorilla comes out, right?

Man, one nigga jumped up and stabbed that gorilla.

He didn't kill him though.

In 1964,

Little Jerry Williams had his first taste of success

with "I'm the Lover Man."

Black people didn't like it and I could understand it,

'cause I wrote it for Frankie Valli.

But, in the meantime...

...the record just takes off.

♪ Let me introduce myself ♪

♪ I'm the Loverman... ♪

That was my first hit record.

It was only played on White stations.

I was like, number one in Vermont or some...

I mean, somewhere it was cold as hell,

and wasn't no Blacks.

Some guy booked me up there, right?

I was supposed to do two shows.

When I finished singing, the promoter called me over,

he said, "Look here man, I thought you was White?"

You know, I took the money and left.

I mean, wasn't... wasn't nothing to say.

I mean, how do you argue that?

He thought I was White. I thought I was Black.

Here's where we have all our parties

and so forth.

Getting rid of all this shit. I don't know who did this.

Guitar Shorty did this. Put a bumper up there.

I don't know what the hell he think.

My buddy, Norman Whitfield,

he put that up for me, bless his heart.

Now, the motherfucker look like it's going fall down

and decapitate everybody.

This is basically our work room, our laboratory,

our... our everything.

This is where we do it all.

My partner, Moogstar,

I can say, "Man, I wanna do such and such...

uh, but I can't do it

unless the piano's on top of the house."

He'll put the piano on top of the house,

you know, if it's necessary.

When I had my kitchen remodeled,

a lot of this stuff fell off the truck.

They're more economical that way.

I love TV,

so I got three televisions here in the kitchen.

Up in the corners, up in the corners.

All of 'em tuned to the same station.

Swamp's not joking, he loves television.

Look at that, look at that.

You might have seen him on Politically Incorrect...

Mike Judge's Tales from the Tour Bus...

Excuse me.

The TV version of High Fidelity...

I will now sell five copies of Love, Loss, and Auto-Tune by Swamp Dogg.

Maybe you saw him on The People's Court.

This is the defendant, Jerry Williams.

He's accused of going silent.

He was guilty.

So I find that he is owed the money.

And I am gonna order you to pay him

what I think is a very reasonable amount.

Good luck, folks.

So Swamp's well known.

Even Doug Llewellyn was familiar.

You're Swamp Dogg? Is that your professional name?

- Yes. Yes. - Is that right?

I'm not... If you'll turn around a little bit, there.

I'm... I'm not familiar...

What... what do you do... on the... on... on the tracks?

♪ I just hafta Always stay plastered ♪

♪ On Sal-A-Faster From Al-A-Massa ♪

♪ They grow it under A yum-yum tree ♪

♪ When I'm plastered On Sal-A-Faster ♪

♪ I watch the people All around me ♪

♪ You know I mix it With my tea ♪

♪ Chamomile, Swamp Dogg style ♪

♪ I just have to always be plastered ♪

♪ On Sal-A-Faster From Al-A-Massa... ♪

In 1970, I became Swamp Dogg.

I needed an alter ego.

A dog could get away with almost anything.

You know, he can try to jump in your lap while you're eating,

and chew up your shoes, and hump your leg.

I mean I was just doing

what they considered "wild shit."

- So, Swamp? - Yeah?

So, you're the real Dogg, right?

Yep!

Nobody wanted to be named "Dogg."

- Come on? - Nobody.

Matter of fact they wanna fight if you call them a dog.

Yeah!

"Jerry Williams" just seemed too soft.

Ladies and gentlemen, here he is...

" ...Jerry Williams."

And it's... It's a soft name.

I needed a protector.

You know how the little guy hang out with the big guy

and the big guy kicks ass for him?

Well, that's what Swamp Dogg was.

He was my ass kicker.

What Swamp Dogg truly was about

being somebody else while I look for Jerry Williams.

While you looked for Jerry Williams?

Uh-huh, 'cause I had lost him somewhere along the line.

Oops, am I getting the microphone messed up here?

The mic? Does it sound okay in the control room?

'Cause I hear mostly keyboards out here.

Fine.

- That's all I hear too. - Thank you.

Hi, I'm Art Fein.

This is Lil Art's Poker Party coming to you from Santa Monica,

with, uh... stars bigger than Hollywood has.

Because this is my favorite guy in the world.

Uh, this is Swamp Dogg. Swamp, welcome to the show.

Thank you, Art!

Glad to see you, man.

Oh, I'm glad to see you.

It's good to be here on the show.

This is the brand new Swamp Dogg album.

Yeah.

Of course, you changed your name to Swamp Dogg

- somewhere along the way. - Yeah, 1970.

- You were Little Jerry. - This is the story of my life.

Let me go through these albums for a sec.

They all seem to have stickers

that say things like 38 cents on them.

- Yeah. - But it don't matter

'cause the best music is often the least expensive.

Oh, most definitely.

These are just gold and platinum...

accomplishments.

You want this light on?

- Yeah, that's fine. - Okay.

In here...

...is my manager's bedroom.

I got five daughters, but...

this is the main one.

Do a little dance, Jeri.

- Do a little dance? - Yeah.

That's Jeri. She's going to be a doctor

She's 17.

I'm very fortunate today

to have the actual brain of Swamp Dogg,

aka my father.

♪ Jeri, Jeri ♪

Aside from the small vessel ischemic changes

like here and so forth,

uh, it's actually a pretty good looking brain for his age.

My father had me when he was in his thirties.

Growing up with him as a father has always been amazing.

Super hardworking, dedicated,

he may have gigs or whatever,

but they were there for me when I played my sports,

there for me when I won my awards.

He was never an absentee dad.

He was able to, sort of, consolidate all of those things.

And I still think to this day, you know,

I know he took off time to raise me.

Sometimes I feel bad, 'cause I think, well,

he was just,

you know, in his heyday and doing so well in the '70s,

like he could have just kept on going,

and touring, and touring.

And he just put that...

sort of, to the side.

Remain seated please.

Boy, oh, boy.

You got a lot of people in this house with you, man.

Yeah, I know it.

I thought you was a bachelor. I thought you just...

I did too!

- What happened, man? - Guitar Shorty...

He, uh... he... he was in Texas,

and him and his old lady broke up.

He called me and said,

"Look here man, you got a lot of room there,

can I stay at your place for a few weeks?"

I said, "Yeah, man, shit, yeah."

'Cause I mean, I know how it feel

not to have a place to live and all that.

He's been here over 18 years.

Merry Christmas to Guitar Shorty.

Merry Christmas, Swamp Dogg!

And I don't charge no rent.

- What? - I don't charge no rent.

Oh, so you got any free rooms?

Yeah, I got one.

You need another roommate?

Hell, no.

All right. Well, how about... All right.

How about you kick Shorty out and I'll get Shorty's room?

I couldn't do it 'cause he's got a heart

as big as that pool.

So now, I got the trailer hooked up and now I'm...

I'm happy.

He's kind of a secret guy.

It's like living with someone who works for the CIA.

They've got secrets they can't tell you.

Shorty also is the resident, uh, mechanic.

The man can do, you know,

fix a Mercedes, a Cadillac, a Nissan, whatever.

It's... it's amazing.

Just gets right under the car, goes from there,

then goes to his gigs.

We understand the circumstances.

One get in a jam and need help, we all get in there together.

That's the only way you gonna do it.

We all work together.

- Guitar Shorty. - Yeah.

- How you doing? - Man...

We're very close.

Yeah.

♪ Roommates ♪

♪ Roommates, ooh Roommates, ooh ♪

♪ Roommates, ooh, ooh Roommates... ♪

Well, the house is... it's kind of interesting.

I like to call it "the bachelor pad for musicians."

Um, aging musicians.

Ha ha ha ha.

I like it because it keeps my father company.

He's still doing his music.

He, you know, many times,

they'll go in the studio and jam together,

they're producing all sorts of folks,

and, uh, it's just a great vibe.

Go, Shorty! Uh-oh! Look out now!

So you've just got a bunch of creative people together,

just living together, and keeping each other going.

So it's... it's quite nice.

♪ Roommates ♪

Oh shit.

♪ Paint the pool ♪

♪ Paint the pool ♪

♪ One hour ♪

♪ Two hours ♪

♪ Gon' paint the pool ♪

♪ Paint the pool ♪

So, what part of the industry you haven't done?

You've been... you've been a writer,

man, you... you're an artist, you publishing.

I just like it.

It's like a nigga who likes to cook...

You know, you go in there and cook a pie.

You can make a cake.

You cook a ham, you know.

But he's enjoying it all.

- Yeah. - You know?

Plus it... it gives you more angles to work from.

And I like to work!

♪ I'm tired of working... ♪

Swamp has written, arranged, produced,

and performed an estimated 2000 songs.

He's worked with hundreds of artists

on nearly 500 albums.

He's released 26 as Swamp Dogg.

♪ I've done everything ♪

♪ Now there's nothing else ♪

♪ You are the dog ♪

♪ But I got to do the barking All by myself... ♪

His career really took off in 1967.

When he wrote his first top 20 hit.

You wrote and produced a Gene Pitney song.

- Right! - Can you do that?

♪ I got another heartbreaker ♪

I think so.

♪ I got another heartbreaker ♪

♪ On my hands ♪

♪ Girl, I can't stand up to you And be a normal man ♪

I had no money.

Any money I made went towards my wife,

my kids, my aunt,

once every two weeks or something.

I could send like 50 dollars home.

I was staying at the Henry Hudson Hotel,

which was nothing but entertainers.

It was like 20-something dollars a week.

- And I got behind on that. - You know. God damn!

♪ Just count the days I'm gone ♪

♪ 1-2-3-4-5-6-7... ♪

I had the star musicians in New York loving me.

Chuck Rainey on bass, Herbie Lovelle on drums.

Eric Gale...

Hello?

Yeah?

I'm in the middle of an interview.

Call me later.

Bye.

...Eric Gale on guitar, me on piano.

And that was my rhythm section.

And we was badder than anything out there.

♪ Count the days 1-2-3-4-5-6-7... ♪

I went over to Atlantic Records.

They were the only company around

that didn't have a Black A&R man.

We had a lot of Black producers, but no one on staff.

And the NAACP and everybody was coming down on them for this.

And I didn't know I was part of

a political thing that they were doing.

So they just gave me a lot of acts, they gave me a list,

and so I said, "Yeah, okay. I'll cut Patti LaBelle.

"I'd love to cut Patti LaBelle. I'll cut the Commodores."

I didn't think nothing of the Commodores.

They said, hey, here's a bunch of acts

we're getting ready to kick out into the street,

if you wanna cut some of 'em.

Have a ball!

They gave me 500 dollars a week.

Shit.

Gary U.S. Bonds and I went to Miami.

First thing we did,

we moved in the Four Seasons, was a two bedroom suite.

I had a convertible Lincoln Continental.

And Gary had a convertible Cadillac, right?

We didn't cut no music yet.

We were smoking grass and drinking liquor.

All the bills going back to Atlantic.

So I eventually got fired from Atlantic.

Deliberately.

By this time people are coming to me for production.

A lot of them wanted me to play piano.

I was who automatically could give you that groove.

Whatever I played, that was the groove!

♪ No need in crying ♪

♪ 'Cause you see me talking ♪

♪ No need denying no, no ♪

You know the great thing about Swamp Dogg,

he is great at writing from a woman's point of view.

How do you even... how can you get

into the woman's psyche? How is that possible?

I can think more like a woman than I can like a man.

I really can.

My mother and my father were musicians.

And they were always on the road.

So my aunts basically raised me in a house

that had a bunch of strong women,

and they loved me, but they'd kick a man's ass.

All that Doris Duke stuff

"To the Other Woman, I'm the Other Woman."

♪ Everybody calls me stupid... ♪

A record like Doris Duke

sold well over a million.

Oh, I was just a terrific motherfucker,

you know.

But a whole lot of shit I did,

I didn't know I was supposed to get paid,

so I didn't.

That's funny.

I went to college. The whole nine yards.

But...

I said, "This don't mean nothing."

My mind was on making records.

And I had promised myself and God,

I wasn't going to do nothing else in life.

But make records.

Records.

♪ I just have to... ♪

- Hello! - Hi!

Aw, shit. We gotta rent a hotel room.

I went into the studio down in Macon, Georgia.

Capricorn, Otis Redding,

The Allman Brothers, Lynyrd Skynyrd,

I knew all these guys.

Oh, he'd do an album in just a few days.

I mean, he was... he was in, and he was out.

He could get a lot of music for a small amount of bucks.

They were the fastest recorded records

we ever did here.

That was that Macon, Georgia scene.

♪ Swamp Dogg style ♪

At the same time,

Swamp found even greater success in the musical hotbed

of Muscle Shoals, Alabama.

I'd never heard of Muscle Shoals.

But Muscle Shoals was bringing something that I liked,

which was like Country and Blues together.

That's the shit.

♪ Whoa... ♪

I became a millionaire down there.

Everything was wide open for me.

I had a houseboat.

Had a plane.

Everything was first class.

But I didn't play it right.

I started doing things without analyzing them.

I was taking Zoloft like you eat M&Ms.

I thought motherfuckers were trying to trick me

and kill me, you know.

♪ Lord, Lord, Lord ♪

I didn't know

what success was supposed to feel like.

I just thought the world would become mine.

I just went all the way. I bought a Rolls-Royce.

Man, I had nine fucking cars.

Now, who needs nine cars?

I wanted to be grand, but...

that's not what it's about.

Very profound.

This is, uh, Lil Art's Poker Party

coming to you from Hollywood with some pretty groovy guests.

Third or fourth time in, Jerry Williams.

I already introduced you though.

I'm doing this all out of order.

Well, it's good to see you, Jerry.

It's great to see you, Art.

Yeah, man.

And, uh, let me introduce your beautiful wife, Yvonne.

- Hi. - Yvonne, welcome to the show.

It's nice to see you here, too.

I met Yvonne, we got married in '63.

She learned, um,

the music business along with me.

We both learned together.

Most of all the amazing things I did.

She mapped them out, made phone calls,

sent out telexes, and shit.

Basically, he did all of the creative,

wonderful things that he does.

And she was behind the scenes making sure it happened,

and making sure it was lucrative,

sifting through the best deals, looking out for the shysters.

She was the muscle, okay?

She was a gangster. She didn't play, okay?

She'd kick ass, talk shit, and back it up.

Would you stop seeing someone

if they had a pet that you couldn't stand?

Stand up.

They're saying that the pet is more important than I am.

- Has that ever happened to you? - No, it hasn't.

But if it did, he could just hit the road.

Okay.

She's a little taller than him.

There was that Barney Rubble, Betty Rubble thing, okay?

She was the big one.

When she barked, everybody shut up.

Including him.

Her role in my father's career

was beyond instrumental.

She basically was his manager, his financial guru,

you name it. She was brilliant.

She definitely broadened his horizons

and came up with a lot of great ideas

as far as making the company bigger and better.

I consider myself

one of the luckiest motherfuckers in the world.

Sitting on a cornflake

Riding on a roller skate

Too late to hesitate Or even meditate

Always looking up what's down

They come to get me From the lost and found

But believe me I'm doing fine

And to the world I'll toast some wine

And then I'll do...

Total destruction...

To your mind

Trials, and tribulations...

Misuse, and...

Aggravation

It was me Who you stepped upon

Me who you look down on

I was there to watch you Playing game

Now, I've learned To do the same

Now, I'm on your case

Looking you square In the face

And just as sure As the sun is going shine

Shine, shine, shine, shine

I'm going to do Total destruction...

Total destruction...

Total destruction to your mind

Don't get too close to the edge, Shorty.

Don't get too close to the edge.

You can swim, can't you?

Not in them shoes.

He can swim a little bit.

With them shoes

gonna drag him down to the bottom of the water.

This is Northridge,

the porn capital of the fuckin' world.

Damn, near every house out here, they shooting porn.

- Yeah! - Ain't no furniture

in these houses.

I used to wanna be, uh, a... a grip

until I found out how much they had to lift.

I thought that would be cool.

"What do you do?" "I'm a grip."

It's better to be a gripper than a fluffer.

- What's a fluffer? - What is a fluffer?

Porn man! When you in porn,

the person that come to get you ready...

- Oh! - ...before you do the thing.

- They jack your dick? - Yeah.

Uh...

How long y'all been in show business?

I haven't been in that show business.

You know, you gotta be prepped

before you go in.

You get it?

I didn't understand

a goddamn thing.

Shorty had his eyes closed

a second ago, but I didn't want to interrupt

what you was saying.

Oh, he's meditating.

You got on some socks says "Suck my dick?"

I like that! Where'd you get those, man?

- Why, you want a pair? - Yeah, I want a pair!

All right, I'll get you a pair.

Oh, man!

You don't see no messages on socks!

We gonna open that...

That's my friend.

Make sure you get his feet. See? He got White folks feet.

This is Guitar Shorty's room.

You go in there, uh, at your own risk.

Uh,

this is my living room.

Used to be bigger...

until Moogstar...

took it over with his green screen...

but we get good use out of it, so...

I'm not complaining.

That's my man.

Well, Moogstar has so much talent.

He's the only person I know

who can play any instrument well!

Not just can play it, but play it well.

It's just crazy.

Like, anything he sets his mind to do,

he can do it.

♪ Hangin out with the owls All night ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

Moogstar... M-O-O-G S-T-A-R.

I am like a satellite.

Not from this planet...

but I am here...

...amongst you all.

I'm gonna have to funk you all down!

Are we recording?

Yeah, it's recording.

Let you in on a lil' of this.

Let me do that over again.

Okay.

Don't copyright that.

Okay, you want me...

First door and to the left...

Star Village.

Welcome to my "lablomatory."

This is where I hang out. Sleep right there.

Me, and my animals, and my mask, and, uh...

all the animals are my friends.

You know, we get to go way back in time.

See, look at all that.

This was the baby, man, I... I'll never forget.

I played it all over the place, man.

And I took it to church, and I never s...

seeing how the people was acting crazy,

and they was doin' the funky worm,

and they started doing all kinds of shit.

And I was doing all...

I was just getting the feel of it then.

But I feel the spirit and I just go into these runs.

'Cause, you know, the church got Christ, they rolling.

And they be dancing like in a... in a... in a club,

and, you know, in a house club,

you know, I mean they be gone! Fast! You know...

The funky worm!

And now I start doing this crazy funky shit and all that.

And they were like, "Whoa!"

I was able to listen to secular music by sneaking,

by listening to it on the side,

and, oh, with a little transistor radio,

you know, and go outside,

or go somewhere where I feel I'm protected

without my dad being around.

'Cause, boy, he believed in whooping you. Oh!

He'd whoop our ass.

I wasn't able to really, like, get into it,

like go to a concert or... or anything, like,

you know, have my own CDs, and records,

and, you know, all of that.

So I could study it and... and really get into it.

I didn't get that.

But I felt the music. I felt it.

I knew the music... I can relate to any music.

Don't matter what it is. I love music. It's in me.

My grandfather taught me

how to stand on my head,

but I was always scared after I did it.

Hey, Swamp! How are you doing?

I don't know who it is.

Good to see you, neighbor.

What's happening? Man!

That's some crazy stuff up there.

It's always strange things happening here,

you know that.

You keep up with the news?

The FBI?

Suddenly, they're the good guys.

They were looking at you at one point.

Uh-huh. - Oh yeah. But that was...

That was around the time

that Lennon and people like Groucho Marx,

you know, they were on a...

- List. - ...list.

Yeah, they're all on the list. They were just, uh, subversives,

- you know. - Yeah.

I want to hear about that.

- Yeah. - That was 1970... 71.

Seemed like I did all my crazy shit

right around then.

Uh,

I was, you know, singing songs about...

the president that weren't...

complimentary. I joined up with Jane Fonda.

- Hmm. - And they hated her.

Right.

The FBI came, and asked me a whole bunch of questions,

and the only thing they could get

was something about me stealing a car.

At that time, I had nine automobiles.

The hell I'm gonna steal a car for?

And I'm forgetting what I'm saying.

Mr. Wiggles was, uh, a little gangster.

He was a real gangster, I guess,

'cause he shot a couple of people.

Mr. Wiggles?

Tom was hoping

that Swamp would have kept telling him

the story about touring around with Jane Fonda.

Here's what we would've learned.

In 1971, the Vietnam War was still ongoing.

What is it that... that...

Jane Fonda and other anti-war activists

decided to form an entertainment group

that would fly in the face of Bob Hope and his revues.

The traveling show was called FTA,

or Free The Army.

The soldiers know what FTA means,

um, it means one particular thing to them,

we say it means Free The Army,

and, um...

It meant Fuck The Army.

They visited military bases

around the United States and the Pacific Rim.

Other members of the group included Donald Sutherland,

Dick Gregory, and for a while, Swamp Dogg.

We put on our show, there was a group called Swamp Dogg,

a marvelous rock group.

They sang songs like "God Bless America for What."

His radical political views

got him placed on the FBI's watch list,

and dropped from Elektra Records.

♪ God bless America ♪

♪ Since Martin died ♪

♪ Nothing has changed ♪

♪ In a country like this ♪

♪ People living in the street A damn shame ♪

♪ There's not a paragraph Supposed to help them ♪

♪ In the constitution ♪

♪ We need a revolution ♪

These are the type of songs

that kept me from being too popular.

Yeah.

You wanna know what happened to my career?

Songs like "Eat the Goose."

"I've Never Been To Africa."

"Call Me Nigger."

"Mighty Mighty Dollar Bill."

Yeah! I keep singing them.

Yeah!

Could you turn up the applause meter right there?

God, that's great, Jerry.

That's great, Swamp.

Your career has kind of been, uh... up and down.

Yes, it has. Lots of down.

- Lots of down? - Lots of downs.

But yet you're loved throughout the world.

Yes, it's... it's, well...

It's a very interesting phenomenon.

I've noticed you're never on the same label twice.

No, no.

Uh, they... they get their fill of me after one time around.

I was signed to Virgin Records in '96?

Yeah.

This is the new album.

It's going to live up to all that we were expecting.

- I certainly hope so. - It fucking better!

I had lunch made for everybody at Virgin,

and we had like, you know,

ribs, sausage, potato salad, that type of thing.

That was...

the same week that I had circumcision.

Boy, you talk about some hurt!

You got circumcised? In '96?

Yeah.

Why so late?

I didn't feel that I needed it, my wife did.

And she wasn't never wrong.

This is my...

garage, but...

I turned it into...

my SDEG Records warehouse.

Swamp Dog Entertainment Group.

That's SDEG.

That's how we're listed with the IRS

on their list of people

that they getting ready to put in jail.

Call 800-777-DOGG.

That's 800-777-D-O-G-G.

I put out all kinds of records.

Soul compilations, um, Country,

Jackson 5 and Johnny.

And everybody always asks uh, "Who the hell is Johnny?"

One of the most exciting ones

was a thing called Beatle Barkers,

and it was Beatles songs

being sung by dogs, cats, and cattle.

"Beatle Barkers"!

Enjoy again

all your Beatles favorites,

sung... did I say sung?... as only they could be.

By chickens, cattle,

dogs, and sheep!

Record did good.

I sold 30,000 cassettes to a pet supplier in Spain.

You know, Yvonne's your collaborator,

- your wife. - Yeah.

She helps write songs, produces,

- I mean everything, right? - Right.

You got a rap record out too?

Sure, we have two out.

Oh yeah, Daddy D! We got a guy named Daddy D.

Then I got another album on, uh... What is it?

- Hustle, Z & M.C. Cool P. - Hustle, Z & M.C. Cool P!

Oh yeah. We signed this rap group out of South Carolina.

I didn't know it was finalized yet, so I didn't wanna say anything.

Well, we don't quite have it on paper yet.

♪ Don't stop now ♪

♪ Don't stop now... ♪

Yvonne brought the rappers in.

She's the one who started a rap section of our company.

♪ Well now the music is pumping So get out your seat... ♪

And she started managing some DJs and rappers.

And I thought she was wasting her time,

but we had a little money, so go with it.

♪ To the beat, y'all ♪

In 1991,

Swamp and Yvonne released a hip hop classic,

M.C. Breed's "Ain't No Future in Yo Frontin."

Check it out!

We took him from nothin' to somebody.

We sold a million on him.

♪ Sound good to me ♪

♪ This sound hard... ♪

I had artists that sell 100,

200 thousand 12-inches, and never appear on the charts.

They'd just skip over rap artists.

In the '80s,

I started managing the World Class Wreckin' Cru,

which at that time had Dr. Dre, Yella, Lonzo Williams.

Swamp was my professor, my mentor.

Now, Dre, and Yella,

and all these guys are right next to me,

and none of us knew anything about anything

when it came to the record business.

He taught me how to sustain in bad times.

He was an artist that owned his own label.

They told me, I couldn't do that.

Swamp Dogg told me, I could.

Swamp's been known around the West Coast.

Even Calvin was familiar.

Yeah, I know who Swamp Dogg is. OG.

Oh, no, he didn't. Look at the swamper.

He pulled up with a rat on a chain, man!

He's a fool, man.

He's a fool killer.

I've been affiliated with rats

ever since I did an album called Rat On!

I've had more publicity to this album

than I have...

any other album I've had.

And the reason

is because instead of just being a...

ratty rat...

he's smiling.

Swamp Dogg ridin' the rat?

Well, you know what? That picture how dumb I was.

I say, "Swamp Dogg,

where you find a rat that big to get on?"

He told me, "Oh, man,

they got... they get 'em down there at the zoo."

"Gotta go to the special spot, they got the big rats."

I'm... I'm thinking it was real shit, okay?

I didn't know it was photo magic!

Then he had another one. Him in a hot dog.

I just want to be inside...

of a hot dog.

That's my favorite food.

This was done in '82.

They put this cover on, with this dog eating my butt.

And I was going to sue 'em and my wife said,

"You know, you're going to look like a fool in court."

I said, "Why?"

She said, "All them crazy albums that you have done yourself..."

♪ Salt salty dog ♪

♪ C'mon now! Salt salty dog ♪

♪ Salty dog ♪

♪ C'mon, everybody Sing with me ♪

♪ One more time ♪

"...You can't win with this,"

she said, "It ain't really that bad."

Hanging around Swamp Dogg,

I see what being original is like.

He don't give a fuck about none of that shit, okay?

He do Swamp Dogg all the time.

Don't be afraid to step outside the box.

- Try something different, man! - Right.

You know, try something different.

Put a... put a banjo on your shit.

That's right.

Okay, try a banjo on some hip-hop.

That's that creativity that they don't teach you.

- You have to just do it. - Yeah, you got to do it.

"If You Can Kill It I Can Cook It."

Featuring Moogstar and The Ingredients.

Swamp Dogg, Dizzy Fae.

"If You Can Kill It I Can Cook It,"

the new cookbook written for you by Swamp Dogg,

legendary musician, entertainer, and now, chef!

Hey, y'all! It's your girl, Dizzy Fae.

Welcome to If You Can Kill It...

- ...I Can Cook It! - Absolutely.

Let me introduce you to our chef, Swamp Dogg.

Thank you.

Makes me feel so good.

So, Swamp, what are we making today?

- We're makin' cheesecake. - Ooh!

Moogstar does not eat cheese.

- Swamp, this looks amazing. - It looks great.

Give it up for our lucky audience member.

Jesse! Where did he come from?

Is he gonna eat the whole cake?

- "If You Can Kill It - I Can Cook It,"

the cookbook 50 years in the making!

Swamp Dogg turned to writing this cookbook for family and friends

to get him through the turbulent times of life, and you can too.

Call 1-866-DOGG-FUD. That's 1-866-D-O-G-G-F-U-D.

Call now.

That video grabbed my attention right from the beginning.

I not only felt that this video had the most original concept

I have ever seen. I give it five Jeris!

You got a lot of hair. That... that's...

That's really my hair.

Wow. That's really something, man.

This show has taken another dimension.

So, uh, where do... where do you base yourself now?

You're based in Los Angeles?

No, I'm out in The Valley, Woodland Hills.

L.A., I mean, you're out here in California.

You were working with Ray Charles, right?

You were playing guitar with his band?

Yeah. I didn't get a chance to record with him.

I think if I stayed with him I would have.

Mm-hmm.

I didn't stay. I left Ray after we got to New Orleans,

and I got cold feet and I missed my grandmother,

and I wanted to go back home, so I just got nervous.

♪ This is a hard life, baby ♪

♪ You can't live it By yourself ♪

You're working 300 days a year

or something like that, traveling all over the world.

Was it always that way for you?

Been on the road most of your life?

Music has played a big part in my life.

That's... that's what I always wanted to be.

And there's been some tough times for me.

I did mechanic work, and do music at night.

So I finally took a look at myself and I said,

"Boy, I might as well just go all the way with the music."

Let's welcome now a singing truck driver

from Houston, Texas

truckin' his way into our hearts.

It's Guitar Shorty! Yeah!

♪ The thrill is gone ♪

♪ The thrill is gone away ♪

♪ Oh, you know You done me wrong, baby ♪

♪ But you'll be sorry someday ♪

Our winner is with 30 points,

Guitar Shorty! Yahoo!

Guitar Shorty!

Moogstar begs for someone to slap him

so he can find out

if it's a dream or reality.

Sorry, Moog!

It could have been just another case of the...

♪ Snooze Blues ♪

♪ Snooze Blues ♪

We go to Montana to do a gig.

Right after it was over,

I was approached by these people.

This lady walked up to me and said,

"We're going to the, uh, Evel Knievel's graveyard."

"Could you go with us?"

I asked the other band members, nobody wanted to go.

"We ain't going."

"We don't want to go. We don't want to go."

I just said, "Fuck it, let's go."

Then we got into these cars and we going down,

ridin' like Scooby Doo, you know what I mean?

Going to the cemetery,

you know, with the lights on, they shinin' on the graves.

We pulled up to it, you know,

and there was this beautiful grave there.

Started taking pictures.

We was all taking pictures.

"Moogstar, why don't you put the suit on?"

I was like, "What? Put the suit on?"

So I put it on!

And I was like, "Man, what if I was like that guy?"

Because I had a fear...

Fear.

As an artist, always been there.

I mean, this cat he'd get on a lawnmower, man,

and ride and go jump 50 cars.

You know, ain't scared to jump a canyon,

break all his bones and do all kinds of shit.

Now, I don't want to break no bones. Get me right.

But I want that "not to be afraid" shit.

So, anyway we had a professional opera singer,

she was there and she starts singing

and she was like, "Whoa!"

"I want the spirits to come through

and give Moogstar the mantle to keep going."

♪ Will be channeled ♪

♪ Through Moogstar! ♪

♪ I can feel it ♪

I was like,

"What the fuck is they doing?" Anyway, I'm just going with it.

I'm rolling, just having fun.

And I went by the grave to bend down.

I just wanted to thank the spirits

because I want this man's spirit,

I want his guts.

And, when I did that...

...they said, "Did you see that?"

And then here come this owl, this big white owl.

That was really strange.

So, I tried to tell people about what happened

when we left, you know,

because it went on, they were filming,

doing some other stuff that night, some crazy stuff.

I mean, naked lady at McDonald's in a waterfall.

I mean, we were just doing all kinds of crazy stuff

that night.

So... so...

...I come back home.

When we got here...

that night...

that owl showed up.

That same white...

We don't have no owls in this neighborhood, okay?

That sucker showed up.

Everybody ran out the room cause they heard this owl

goin'...

And I looked up there

and there's this big white owl again

sitting in the tree up there.

I was like, "What the hell is going on here?"

We didn't understand what was happening,

but I feel it!

I believe, and I don't know who it is,

but that owl is here to protect us

and it's also here to guide us.

It's the light that we need.

You put on Evel Knievel's suit

and a naked woman come out of it,

and... and... and... an owl followed you home?

I ain't the only one seen the owl.

When Mike Judge came here, that same owl appeared.

Yeah, it was up... It was like up, uh... - Yeah.

- ...in one of these palm trees. - Yeah, yeah. There.

I couldn't see very well, but it was...

- You could hear it. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - He's big.

You getting into Nashville,

songwriting stuff, was that in the '70s or...

Yeah, I would have a lot of songs with me,

and lotta producers would want to know,

"Hey, man, what'd you bring down?"

"What you got?"

At that time, we weren't looking at my stuff

as country stuff.

- Right. - It was just...

Swamp's doing some stuff.

"Don't Take Her, She's All I Got."

That was such a huge hit for Paycheck.

♪ Well, I said, friend ♪

♪ Don't take her She's all I've got ♪

♪ Please don't take Her love away from me ♪

A bunch of different versions

- made it into... - Oh, man.

Conway Twitty.

♪ Friend ♪

♪ Don't take her She's all I've got ♪

- Tanya Tucker? Yeah. - Tanya Tucker.

She did the shit out of it.

♪ Don't take him He's all I got ♪

The United States Navy Band.

♪ Friend, don't... ♪

It was a hit in the '90s.

It enabled me to go somewhere...

that I'd always wanted to go.

Even though I was only allowed to visit.

I wasn't allowed to live there.

And I got the number one country record.

At that time, it was still kind of

weird down there, in 1972.

And when I went down, and they found out I was Black.

And first of all, when I got to the awards,

I was ushered through the kitchen because...

they thought I was a waiter, although I had ju...

I stepped out of a fucking limousine.

Then again, maybe the waiters ride in limousines down there.

I don't know.

One, two, three, four...

Good morning, gentlemen.

- Good morning, Swamp. - That was horrible.

Well, that's 'cause you weren't here

- to help us out. - That's why I rushed over.

We need your presence.

♪ If you don't Believe I'm leavin' ♪

♪ Just count the days I'm gone ♪

You gotta have a little

argument thing goin' on in your voice.

♪ There'll be a blue Monday... ♪

Just kind of... kind of blues it up.

♪ And if you don't Believe I'm leavin' ♪

♪ Just count the days I'm gone ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

Yeah, that's nice. It's got heart.

♪ A woman needs care ♪

- ♪ Love and protection ♪ - ♪ Love and protection ♪

♪ I could never find you When I needed affection ♪

♪ Needed affection ♪

- ♪ If you don't ♪ - ♪ Count the days ♪

- ♪ Believe I'm leavin' ♪ - ♪ Count the days ♪

♪ Just count the days I'm gone ♪

♪ One, two, three, four Five, six, seven ♪

♪ Oh, you won't Have the chance ♪

♪ Again to treat me wrong ♪

♪ It's been a long time coming ♪

♪ And it'll be a long Long time gone ♪

Bluegrass to me is like the blues.

Everybody owns it.

It's not one set of people that own it.

And every time you say "bluegrass,"

some son of a bitch say, "Yahoo!" Ya know?

And uh, you know, fuck that.

If I'm lucky...

I got 20 more years here.

But who gets lucky? You know?

So, I've got some stuff...

I want to leave...

for people to hear and know what I was...

about.

Yeah, I'd like to see ya.

I ain't seen ya in so long.

Oh, boy.

What is Swamp Dogg's philosophy on life?

Overall...

just be cool.

You know?

And it's all so fun...

being yourself.

That's fun like a motherfucker.

But you got to find yourself.

- Oh, Jesse? - Yeah?

That was that.

Wow.

That looks great, Swamp Dogg!

- You like that? - That's amazing.

How long you been working on that?

Um...

Swamp Dogg wants to know

when the fuck you're gonna have it wrapped up?

So, did any of your record companies

you were with, or the labels you were with over the years,

when you came up with a concept, did anyone fight you back on it?

Or they just let you do what...

Hell yeah!

Did you usually win out?

Well, gettin' kicked off Elektra,

would that be a win?

I did a small portion of LSD

for a while.

And the first time I had LSD it was slipped on me.

I wake up...

at night...

screaming.

And I'd wrap myself around my wife.

She said I was squeezing, squeezing, squeezing.

And my anxiety became worse and worse.

And doctors and psychiatrists,

they hadn't gotten into depression

and anxiety attacks and shit.

That's how you lived for a while, right?

For a few years. It got bad.

Mine got real bad.

I guess you'd had episodes before that,

that you would get really worked up

and start spinning a little?

I used to have like...

at least five im...

- imaginary heart attacks a day. - Oh, wow.

What I did is built a little world around me.

I had this big,

8,000 square foot home in Long Island.

Nine automobiles.

Everything I bought was supposed to make me feel better.

Right.

I did not feel any better.

Was music, uh, a safe place for you?

Could you... If you ever got in that situation,

could you listen to music and you would calm down or...

No.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Swamp Dogg!

A man named Swamp Dogg is here.

Welcome to the show, first of all.

Good to see you.

It's nice to have you here and, uh...

It's nice to be had.

♪ Darlin' There's nothin' sweeter ♪

♪ You make me scream You make me bawl ♪

♪ You make me feel Like I'm ten foot tall ♪

♪ Sugar bum, sugar bum bum ♪

I had really become antiquated

when it came to the music.

♪ What's happenin'? ♪

♪ My body's startin' to shake ♪

♪ That building Looks like it's falling on me! ♪

♪ Earthquake! ♪

♪ It happens all the time We ignore it ♪

♪ In less than a minute It's gone ♪

♪ You come to L.A. ♪

We're chatting with Swamp Dogg.

I don't know why I'm having so much difficulty

pronouncing that properly.

For many years, for some reason,

my father made me believe that you were dead.

So when I opened my eyes and I saw you...

...I can't believe that you are here!

I thank you so much.

And I'm glad that the rumors of my death are false.

My god.

I'm always hearing that I'm dead.

Yeah, well, that would be

very inconvenient for us.

Yes, me too! Especially me!

Oh, we going to get sun today?

Oh yeah!

Oh, I like... I like the sun.

I come out here every day. I sit for hours. It's healing.

Well, you know,

I was married seven and a half, eight years.

I had kids.

You know...

My wife left.

I was devastated.

It was a bad situation, sad situation.

And a friend called me up, said, uh, he wanted to go downtown.

Next thing you know, I'm...

gonna be on this television show.

I didn't realize...

From Oakland, California!

Doing his second HBO Special,

Hanging with Mr. Cooper himself, Mr. Mark Curry!

They gave us tickets to go way in the front.

And we sat there and the show started.

Mark Curry, he came in, he went on the stage.

And then, all of a sudden...

he said, "Look at this..."

This motherfucker right here!

Oh, shit!

Then motherfucking cameras

came from everywhere.

You can feel the lights and everything just hit me.

I didn't know what was happening.

So, he went to touch my hair, right?

He went to touch it and I threw my hand up

like one of them Michael Jackson's fans.

You know what I mean?

This nigga! What the fuck is this?

Nigga, we got an alien in here!

This... ...this motherfucker like...

Look at him, he be like MC Hammer on crack!

So, I didn't know what was happening.

So I got up.

Mookie? What you do, Mookie?

- I sing and dance. - You sing... you sing?

I know you must dance!

What kind of dance you do? Let me see a quick move.

We don't need no music, nigga! That's you. Use your hands.

I said fuck this shit!

My kids are going to see me on national TV.

All this shit going through my mind.

You know what? Fuck this! I ain't gonna be humiliated!

I'm gonna do something...

I said fuck it. I just went to the hills, man.

You go up this hill where the nuclear reactor is...

then go way up the hill.

So I went far!

So nobody can find me.

I had a weapon. Yeah, I got a gun.

I had the barrel to my head. I'll never forget that shit.

I said I got all this talent.

Fuckin' do everything, for... for what?

For what?

So I just didn't want to be here no more, man.

Said, "Fuck it, man."

I had the adrenaline

and everything was happening and just a voice came in,

"Who are you to kill yourself when you don't even own it?"

"Uh, uh!"

"I got something else for you to do."

It's like I was called to do something,

you know what I mean?

It's so weird. I can't...

You know, when I'm looking at it this close, Swamp,

I can't... I can't see a form at all.

It just looks like abstract shapes.

- No shit? - Yeah.

And it just doesn't feel like

it's ever going to make any sense.

That would drive me fucking crazy.

There we go.

Hi, this is Jeri,

and I'm kicking back with my friends,

and it's spring break at my house.

Welcome to Jeri Williams's New Music Revue!

♪ The thrill is gone ♪

♪ The thrill is gone away ♪

Tell 'em, Shorty!

♪ The thrill is gone away ♪

See I told ya, I like little toy animals.

I got James Brown.

I got all kinds of shit.

Can I play you a cut?

Do a little dance for me, Yvonne.

"Do a little dance."

Damn!

Spielberg, eat your fuckin' heart out.

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ I love... ♪

♪ I love you, yes I do... ♪

Why am I doing this?

I used to do it to see her smile.

Give me a... give me a smile.

She was the most magnificent woman in the world.

And I will never get over her. This is the love of my life.

Yvonne.

Motherfucker.

Well, when we lost Mommy, a lotta changes...

- Yeah. - A lot of changes.

Yeah.

♪ I'll pretend ♪

♪ That you're gone ♪

♪ On vacation ♪

♪ And you'll be back ♪

Yvonne was my wife, my life,

my everything, and I could never get over her.

She was somebody you believed in.

I... I believed in her.

I believed in her.

♪ To tell me you miss me ♪

♪ And you're coming home soon ♪

♪ And I'll pretend ♪

♪ Your perfume fills the air ♪

She was a good woman.

Very good woman.

She said, um...

"The doctor told me

I ain't gonna have long to be here."

I said, "I...

I don't want you to go." She said, "Well...

The doctor said that's it."

"Ain't nothing you or nobody else can do."

♪ I'll pretend ♪

♪ When I visit our old friends ♪

The last thing that we talked about,

she wanted me to stay here and look over him.

If he want anything, make sure you take care of him.

I've been here ever since.

In fact, her name's on that concrete over there.

♪ I can't live like this ♪

♪ Please come back ♪

♪ I can't live like this ♪

People had counted me out

because they hadn't seen or heard anything.

This generation is more hip to my stuff

than my generation were.

It was almost like coming back from the dead.

We're going to bring out our good friend Swamp Dogg.

- Come on out here, Swamp. - Here he comes.

Back in 1972,

Swamp scored one of his biggest hits

with a cover of John Prine's "Sam Stone."

♪ Sam Stone, welcome home ♪

♪ Didn't last too long ♪

♪ He went to work After he spent his last dime ♪

Forty years later,

they decided it's finally time to hit the studio together.

What the fuck was that?

♪ Memories... ♪

♪ Don't leave like people do ♪

♪ And that's why anytime Anywhere ♪

I want to thank you for that "Sam Stone," man.

You got it around to a lot of people, Swamp.

You know, I... I never paid any attention to the "mmm's."

- I know you didn't. - Yeah.

I don't do it on my record. Right.

This is your chance now to make up for it.

- Damn. Okay. - Okay.

♪ Sam Stone came home ♪

♪ To his wife and family ♪

♪ After serving In the conflict overseas ♪

♪ And the time that he served ♪

♪ Had shattered all his nerves ♪

♪ And left a little shrapnel In his knee ♪

♪ But the morphine Eased the pain ♪

♪ The grass grew Round his brain ♪

♪ And gave him All the confidence he lacked ♪

- ♪ There's a hole - In daddy's arm ♪

♪ Where all the money goes ♪

♪ And Jesus Christ ♪

♪ Died for nothin' I suppose ♪

♪ Little pitchers Have big ears ♪

♪ Don't stop To count the years ♪

♪ Sweet songs Never last too long ♪

♪ On broken radios ♪

♪ Mmmm... ♪

You did it again, John!

- Just keep doing it. - Yeah.

♪ Sam Stone's welcome home ♪

♪ Didn't last too long ♪

- You want your hat? - Huh?

- Want your hat? - The cap?

- Yep. - No, I got a hat on.

I got one in the van.

Oh, okay, so want me to put this in your room?

- Yeah. - All right, all right.

- Yeah, yeah. - Okay.

♪ I'd sure like ♪

♪ Like to come back ♪

♪ That's a date ♪

♪ I don't wanna miss ♪

♪ Next time ♪

♪ Can't be better than this ♪

♪ Next time ♪

Well, you know, as you know, Guitar Shorty...

He passed away, um... 4/20.

Time was five o'clock p.m.

Exactly in this bed right here.

He's gone, he's in Heaven and rejoicing...

with the angels and the universe.

We grew up in this house for like 15 years.

Three people, we're like Three Stooges up in this house.

For years and years and years of going through the same thing,

same thing, not knowing who or what,

but learning and hoping and praying

and just keep creating and making greatness for people

so you can help people all the time

'cause that's what we do.

You know, through music,

you know, 'cause we're healers,

you know, manifestors.

We make things happen out of nothing.

We just... Musically.

Because we're being guided by the spirits.

Which is a wonderful thing.

Because his spirit is still here and it's never going to leave.

And it's making visitations all over the place.

It's going to continue to do that and grow.

And everything gon' be great.

Are you enjoying being a legend?

What else can I do?

No, man, I just can't figure how to get out of this thing.

It's my birthday.

"Dad,

sometimes kids don't get it."

"We don't notice the little things

that come straight from a dad's heart."

"I may not be a kid anymore, Dad...

but I still love the things you do."

"And I realize how important it is

I tell you how much...

I love you."

"Happy birthday."

Then she writes, "I love you

and hope we will be able to...

spend many more birthdays...

together."

"Love, Jeri."

She's so sincere.

She's so sweet, so good.

Telling me how much she loves me, and...

so forth.

Sometimes you need that kind of stuff.

Yeah.

♪ Lately ♪

♪ I can't breathe ♪

♪ These walls are closing In on me ♪

♪ This lump in my throat ♪

♪ Gettin' bigger all the time ♪

♪ I'm choking to death ♪

♪ From the ties that bind ♪

♪ Yes I am now... ♪

- Hey, Jeri! - Yes?

Come here a minute.

Want me help you with your shoes?

- Yes. - Sure, no problem.

- You're a doctor. - Yeah.

Watch a neurologist put some shoes on.

These are cool!

When did you get these?

Dun dun dun! Whoa!

Look at the glass slippers!

Tha slippa da dippa! Oh...

Oh, wait... But wait, where does it stick?

It don't stick.

Yeah it does, there's Velcro.

Yeah, the Velcro.

So what am I doing wrong?

No, no, it goes around like that.

So we just need to give him his shirt, right?

- Yeah. - Well, I've got the shirt.

I don't need y'all no more.

Excuse me! Looked like you needed us.

♪ Big Party ♪

♪ Big Party ♪

♪ Big Party ♪

♪ She invited me... ♪

Is that Art Fein?

♪ 'Cause she knew You would bring me ♪

Eighty fucking years old.

You don't look... you don't look a day over 57.

Oh, shit.

Thank you.

Alonzo! My man!

Over here holdin' court?

I told you I'm coming out with a bluegrass album?

No.

Yeah, it's full of banjos and shit.

That's what my problem is.

Whatever it is I wanna do, I'm gonna do it,

whether you like it or not.

- How ya doing, Moogie? - Awesome.

- How's your monkey doing? - He's happy now!

- Happy birthday! - Thank you!

God damn!

Vernon!

How long we gonna be doing this?

I don't know. How long you wanna do it?

If this was me,

I would have been excited to do it for about 3 hours,

and then I woulda just wanted to hide.

No.

- I don't wanna die. - Oh.

- Wait, not die! I said "hide." - I know.

Hide.

You're going crazy on your 80th, man.

People not doing it like this, with the shoes, too.

Eightieth birthday.

It kinda sticks in your throat a little bit.

Swamp Dogg is the official Great Grandfather

of West Coast hip-hop.

I'm gonna show you the man's pool right quick.

I don't wanna drop my phone in the goddamn pool.

Okay, where's the owl?

He's got to be flying around here.

All right, everybody!

Let's get together and sing.

Happy birthday to Swamp Dogg!

All right?

♪ Happy birthday dear Swamp Dogg ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪

Oh yeah, right. Uh...

I forgot what I was supposed to do.

Speech!

No, um, I appreciate everybody who's out here.

And I love you.

I'm here for you.

And thank you for being here for me.

Enjoy!

♪ Buildings blaze in a mist ♪

♪ Draw them each day ♪

♪ Crying sky All bathed in dust ♪

I'm seeing your skeleton right now.

Is that what should be happening?

♪ It just gleamed ♪

♪ Saturn's face sparkling ♪

♪ Silver shadow velvet blue ♪

♪ All of this reminding ♪

♪ Me of you ♪

♪ All of this Reminding me of you ♪

What do you think, Swamp?

You like it?

I'm crazy about it!

I'm crazy anyway now.

- Say what? - Huh?

Wow! I love it!

Is, uh, anybody going to be able to see this

- from the sky? - I believe so.

Uh...

Well, we've had a lot of those, uh...

Robot planes. What do you call them?

- Those drones? - Yeah, those drones.

Cannonball.

Oh!

Damn! Jesse made a messy! Ah!

Jesse!

Can't you read that sign?

I didn't get to eat none of the cheesecake.

Weren't supposed to eat no cheesecake.

I could at least tasted it.

Well, how come you didn't go to the table

and cut you a piece?

'Cause you told 'em on the loud...

everybody, that I couldn't have any...

Hey, you

I'm up from the bayou

Where wildlife runs free

You might say that I'm country

But let me tell you what I see

Your world is plastic

And I can see through To the other side

Your cities are made of wood

Antiques are what You've got inside

Houses are paper

But folks don't hear A word you say

Friendship's like acid

It just burns...

As it slides away

So, you see

My patience is growin' thin

With this synthetic world We're livin' in

Strange drugs to keep me blind

Heavy metal music...

To blow my mind

Now I find I'm out of place If I only have one face

All my friends has more than two

And no longer must you be you

They found out how to transplant

"Maybe" has replaced "can't"

So, you see

My patience is growin' thin

With this synthetic world That we're living in

Think about that.

Um... I mean...

I ain't trying to be Mark Twain...

but I think I'm just as good as Mark Twain.

Doing my shit when he doin' his shit.

I'll leave Mark Twain alone.

Good night, Mark.

♪ Sittin' on a cornflake ♪

♪ Ridin' on a roller skate ♪

♪ Too late to hesitate ♪

♪ Or even meditate ♪

♪ Always lookin' up What's down ♪

♪ They've come to get me From the lost and found ♪

♪ But believe me I'm feelin' fine ♪

♪ To the world I'll throw some wine ♪

♪ And then I'll do Total destruction ♪

♪ To your mind, mind Mind, mind ♪

♪ Total destruction To your mind ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Total destruction ♪

♪ To your mind, mind Mind, mind ♪

♪ Total destruction To your mind ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Trials and tribulations ♪

♪ Misuse and aggravation ♪

♪ It was me Who you stepped upon ♪

♪ Me who you looked down on ♪

♪ Stand and watched you Playin' games ♪

♪ But now I've learned to do the same ♪

♪ Now, I am on your case ♪

♪ Lookin' you square In the face ♪

♪ And as sure as the sun ♪

♪ Will shine, shine Shine, shine, shine ♪

♪ I'm gonna do total destruction To your mind, mind, mind, mind ♪

♪ Total destruction To your mind ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Total destruction To your mind ♪

♪ Mind, mind, mind ♪

♪ Total destruction To your mind ♪

♪ Yeah, mind, yeah, mind ♪

♪ Roommates ♪

♪ Roommates ♪

♪ Oh, roommates ♪

♪ Oh, roommates ♪

♪ Oh, oh, roommates Oh, oh, roommates ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Understanding Is what it takes ♪

♪ To live in the world Without faith ♪

♪ Poverty that's what it be In today's society ♪

♪ From day in to day out Respect is what it's all about ♪

♪ Caring, sharing, forgiving, Healing, hurting ♪

♪ Pain, happiness, all together Under the same roof ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Could be me, it could be you ♪

♪ Helping save humanity ♪ From insanity ♪

♪ That's what real Roommates do ♪

- ♪ That's what roommates do ♪ - ♪ Roommate ♪

Hi. This is Swamp Dogg.

I wanna thank you for reaching out

to get my cookbook

called If You Can Kill It I Can Cook It.

I've tried all of the recipes myself,

and I love 'em all, and my friends love 'em all.

They're so good, mmm!

Gourmet food. It is really good.

And it's for real.

If you can kill it, I will cook it.

I got a cookbook out.

You know I'm always up to somethin'.

Call 1-866-DOGG-FUD

That's, 1-866-DOGG-FUD. Call now!