Original subtitles

Maureen! Maureen!

Look at this! They got a chair down the house!

In our last episode, Debbie's house was marked for demolition to make way for a

new freeway off-ramp.

The city is quite adamant about destroying my house.

If I'll do anything, I'd be very happy to help you in any way you'd like.

Debbie's husband, Donald, did the only thing he could think of to save the

house. Donald put everything he had.

on the line, but as luck would have it, a surprise

birthday party that Debbie had arranged for Donald was interrupted by bad news.

Hello. Donald?

I'm really sorry, but there's nothing I can do. I tried everything and the

office is closed now.

I'll give you your fuck back.

No!

What the hell is that rubber?

I don't know. Sounds like an earthquake.

Oh, wow.

Not here.

This wasn't the sort of ball Donald expected to have on his birthday.

Okay, get out! That way, that way! So, with the walls falling in, Debbie,

Donald, and their guests had no choice but to flee the premises in their

birthday suits.

Things couldn't have been worse.

Nothing more horrible could have befallen poor Donald and our tragic

heroine Debbie, or who did?

Come on, Debbie!

Calm down.

Calm down. No one here is happy about what happened to you.

Well, no one here is very upset about it either.

That's because we're all hardened professionals here, okay? Now get a grip

on yourself here.

Oh, God, oh.

You want a chew? Here, have a chew.

This is tight.

Boot yourself.

All right, now.

You say that you and your husband was having a little birthday dinner?

When the roof fell in, right?

It didn't fall in. It was knocked in.

All right. Let's not argue about details here.

But they ruined my house.

And that man ran over my husband.

I don't think those are minor details.

All right, but I talked to the driver, ma'am.

Shh, shh, shh.

He said that your husband ran right in front of his car.

That's what he said. And you know what else? Your husband was naked as a

draper. That's very strange.

Now, the man says that there was no time to stop and that the whole thing was

purely an accident.

But he ran over him three times.

Yes, but he could explain that. He said the second time he had to back up

because he wanted to see what happened to your husband.

The third time?

Well, he had to pull forward again to park the car.

Now, you know, I don't claim to be the brightest person that ever lived.

But, but, well, that man should be punished.

He could either be hung or forced to take his private test over again.

From all I know, the man might be very well.

But I don't think making him take his test over again with the DMV is going to

be much of a help. That's a cruel and unusual punishment for a man.

Mr. Garrett, we're talking about man slaughter here.

Well, actually, we're talking about naked man slaughter, and there's quite a

difference. But I think what you're talking about is how many angels can be

dancing around on the head of a pin.

And frankly, I'm not even sure we got a pin here. I'll tell you what.

You keep this nice sheet on, and I'm going to go talk to the driver again.

All right?

Hey, you! Mr. Bigshot!

Come here.

Oh, no!

Come on, get to work already.

Mr. Spicer, come with me here.

What you got in the bottle?

What? Wait a minute.

What you got in the bottle?

Bourbon. You want some?

Nah, better not. The guy's wife you ran over over there, she says she's got a

bug up her ass. I can't believe it.

So you want me to go over the details with you again, right?

In a minute, in a minute. My jaw is sore from chewing this. I gotta rest. Let me

do some things here.

Hello! Murray!

The combi sandwich is coming in.

I want an ecto-fry for me, alright?

Oh, God!

Did it stop?

No way, Kirby.

Don't look back.

There is nothing there.

Just get the hell out of this place before it all crumbles.

And forget this ever happened.

Did it stop?

Did what stop?

The earthquake.

Are you a ghost?

What? Tell me, if I turn around, are you going to disappear?

I don't think so.

Then what the hell are you doing in Debbie's basement?

God, don't yell. They'll find me here.

I already did.

What the hell are you doing in Debbie's basement? And half naked?

I'm an exchange student from Ireland, and I'm getting dressed to go to a

class.

Or you're an exchange student, hiding in Debbie's basement.

You expect me to believe that?

Look, I'll do anything.

Anything. Just don't let a soul know I'm here.

I've been waiting for you to ask me that.

It's a secret I'll take to my grave.

Which could be very soon if we don't get on with it.

Oh

Oh, wow.

Wow, man.

oh my

god

to tell me you've been living in this basement for over three years without

being noticed?

What'd you do for food?

I'd steal it when no one's around.

I knew this house was weird.

Jeez, and I thought old number 30 was strange.

Where are you going? Stop!

It's like I told you, Constable, and the Lord is my witness.

That man ran right into my path, naked as the day he was born.

Crazed he was, with a crazed look in his eye, like some demon in the night.

But you did try to stop.

There wasn't time.

I would have swerved to avoid hitting him, but it was as if the Lord

himself... Had taken control of the steering wheel.

He's my co-pilot, you know.

Kill the animal.

Slay the naked beast.

Waste the slimy sinner.

And it was an accident, right?

Was it an accident that the Earth was created in a day?

I kind of always thought it was seven days.

That was all because of the damn unions.

Was it an accident that God chose to make the United States of America the

most powerful nation on the face of the earth?

Was it an accident that the good and honest believers decided to make Ronald

Reagan president of this country so he could stop naked blood spots like this

guy from running through our neighborhoods butt naked?

Now that you mention it, he was running naked. You know, that's like homosexual

behavior. If you've ever examined the phenomenon, you know.

I think you better take it easy because the lady over there, she wants me to

arrest you. Put you in jail.

The only one here that needs to be arrested is this animal under here.

Besides, not only is he naked, but he is delaying the delivery of some very

important government documents.

Now, that's another thing. I had a look in the back of your vendor. That's quite

a load you got.

Now, you tell me, what the hell's a misreport?

That. is the final report of the Attorney General's Commission on

Pornography. I'm charged with delivering them to all the kindergarten schools in

the area.

That way we can start brainwashing, I mean, we can start teaching the little

children a correct view of human sexuality.

Well, I'm all in favor of that.

You know, I never had the belief that people should be able to fuck whoever

they want, whenever they want. I mean, I can't do that. My wife would have my

head. Amen to that, Sheriff.

Say, do you go to church, brother?

I'm kind of in between churches right now.

Well, maybe you ought to join the church that I go to. What church is that?

F-A-K-E.

That's Fundamentalist Against Kinkiness and Erotica.

Well, amen, Reverend.

Here, I'll tell you what.

I think it's time for you to make your deliveries, all right? I'm going to talk

to the little lady. Let's get you on the road. You going to be all right?

Oh, yeah. Can you drive this van?

Shit, yes.

Driving is easy. It's walking. It's a hard car.

Get this body out from under this thing. This gentleman has important deliveries

today. Now, you be careful now.

Don't worry about me.

You have the right.

To remain silent, you have a right to counsel.

Say, do you know your rights?

Sheriff, did you see that?

It's a shame no one showed up. Such a nice day, you know.

I know.

I don't understand. I sent out the invitation.

Well, maybe they went to the beach.

I can plan him any time you say. You just give me the old hi sign.

Do you really think we should?

I mean, no one's even said any words over him.

What faith was he?

No, I never asked him.

What church were you married in?

County clerk's office.

Yeah.

I think I've heard of that faith. Secular humanism, isn't it?

Well, I could say a few words pertaining to that particular faith.

Let's see.

No more forms in triplicate.

No license fees to pay.

No bureaucrats to fuck with him.

Hooray for judgment day.

Touching.

Thanks. But how about a little more about how good he was?

I don't know how good he was. I never slept with him.

Well, I did, and he was very good.

You have to take your word on that.

Well, let's try this then.

He was good in life.

He was good in bed.

He was good as they come. Now he's good and dead.

That's better.

Oh, look, there's the minister.

Yoo-hoo! Over here.

God bless you, John.

And God bless you, Donald.

May you rest in metal.

Bible? What happened to the vacuum cleaners?

Well, I still do that. This is a weekend gig.

Is there much a market for those? Is it for Wondervacs?

Actually, there is. It just depends upon the neighborhood.

You really want to know?

When I walk up to a house, I have to make a very quick decision whether to

sell the Bible or the Wondervacs.

If the floor is dirty, I sell the Wondervacs.

If the floor is clean, that means the mind isn't clean. You understand?

I see no one showed up.

I know. I don't understand it. I understand it. I know why.

No one wanted her photograph taken here.

Did you read the headline about Donald?

Man throws himself under the wheel of the Mies Commission?

Well, aren't you afraid to be here?

Well, no.

Actually, I sold Wonder Vax to all the high-ranking officials.

And now that I'm a man of the cloth, on weekends, of course, they'd never touch

me.

What about you? Aren't you afraid to be here?

Me? Don't worry about me.

I'm an undercover government agent.

Smile.

Eight by ten's okay?

That'd be fine. Nice.

Nice man.

Well, do you mind saying some words over Donald?

Yes, I would. I will say some.

Bow your heads in prayer.

He might go to heaven.

He might go to hell.

But let's bury this thief before he starts to smell.

Amen. Amen.

When the Lord came to the battle, and all was calm, treat yourself.

Free yourself.

Let your sorrow flow.

Dear, you've had such a rough day.

Yeah.

Donald's birthday party got ruined.

The house got flattened.

Donald got flattened.

But you only want to know what bugs me the most.

No one even bothered to show up for the funeral.

Oh, I have something for you.

invitation. I sent you. Yes, but that's not it.

This came with the invitation.

Uncle Sam is watching you.

This is awful.

They can't do this. The Constitution guarantees us the right to privacy.

They can't harass people this way. Deborah, please calm down. Please calm

down. Just please go with the flow and soon you'll get over your sorrow. You'll

be all right. I promise.

Perhaps another reading.

Yes.

No, that's not going to work. That's definitely not going to work.

I have something for you.

Yes, I have something for you.

What is it?

A friend of mine, Slick Rhodes, gave me this.

It's a big vibrator.

It may look just a big vibrator, but this is no ordinary vibrator. This is

the official Slick Rhodes dick on a stick.

110 volts, and it plays 12 great adult theme song classics.

This will convince you.

How convenient.

Open your ears.

Oh, not bad. Not bad.

And how's that?

Pretty good.

Yes, and this?

It's only 1995.

That's 1995.

Plenty of ups, plenty of downs, but no extras.

You ever had sex?

Well, I've had a couple skin flukes and a few cucumbers.

I've never had a saxophone.

Spread your lips, baby.

I don't want to leave.

Where are you going?

I don't know.

The slick clothes is over there. Is that what you want?

No. What's that?

What is that?

I don't sell those.

No, you don't sell those.

No.

Oh.

Would you like to make a wager?

What do you have in mind?

I can name that tune in six notes.

I can name it in five.

You're on.

That was heightened.

That's cheating. You were in that show.

Try again.

Mooners.

I would have that one too.

I know, I know. Give me a break.

When's it gonna be my turn?

I don't know that one.

I do. It's my doorbell.

Oh, here.

Give it a try.

Who is it?

I said, who is it?

Yes? Yes?

How's she doing?

She's bummed. She's really bummed.

Try drugs?

She doesn't use drugs.

How about booze?

She doesn't drink either. She doesn't even smoke.

And the dick on the stick's having a hard time.

Well, she doesn't need a dick on a stick. She needs my dick.

Why don't you, uh, take out the garbage or something?

Hey, no rough stuff, okay, pal?

She's feeling low.

She needs to be brought back with finesse.

Brought in real easy.

And then slip it on in.

You're John Leslie.

Yeah. Kirby Puckett.

Good choice, Silvera. I know you.

Hi. Hello.

Oh, hi. Hi.

Who are you?

I'm John.

I guess I'll go take a nap.

Yeah, whatever.

Go ahead.

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, I've seen all your movies.

I like them.

That's good, but I thought you were supposed to be the plumber. You're not

Billy Dee.

Yeah, well, Billy Dee had a work today for Anthony Spinelli.

So he called me up last night and asked me if I could be a plumber, and I said,

yeah, I could be a plumber.

Does it feel good?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Does that come with earphones?

Oh, you know, I never asked him.

Good, huh?

That's good.

Hey, easy, easy, easy.

I want some too.

Oh,

okay. I've seen that movie so often.

You're a dick, don't you?

You like cock?

You haven't noticed by now?

I've been looking at this ass a long time.

You do? You do?

Let me fuck you.

Okay. Let me fuck you. Okay?

I'm sorry.

Good night.

That's nice.

Don't go away.

Did that take your mind off your problems?

Not for very long.

I'm so glad my pipe's got, you know, as they say, cleaned out.

Good morning, Chief. How you doing?

Good morning, Harvey.

Sit down.

Don't call me Harvey, Chief. I got a gun, you Aryan son of a bitch.

Be careful you don't shoot yourself.

Sit down.

Who the hell is this Debbie Hans?

What's this all about?

Ah, that's nothing. Her husband is the naked man that ran under the wheels of

the government delivery van.

You remember that?

There she's waiting in the other office for me. And I smell trouble.

Trouble? What trouble? I can handle a girl like that.

Turn that thing off.

Is this the slick old stick on the stick?

It is. I'll get a confession out of her. I'll tell you that.

You'll get a confession out of me again?

On what charge?

Charge? They don't need no stinking charges.

Let me tell you.

You better think of something.

We got an election coming up in a couple of months.

If they catch wind of this, it'll be our asses.

Well, I'll tell you.

You just keep your fishy in your pants, and I'll take care of everything, all

right? Go out the back way. I don't want her to see you with me. Now get out.

All right, I'm going, but I'll tell you.

You ought to take some name walks. I'm having my time with you. I'm very

nervous, fella.

Okay, okay.

Send her in.

Come in, Ms. Anderson.

Have a seat.

Sit down.

I'd really like to help you.

I really would.

But I don't see where you have a case.

My God, you're asking to make trouble for the feds?

For the fundamentalists, the God-fearing white Christians and Caltrans.

But, Mr. Interest, murder is wrong.

Yes, Ms. Anderson.

Sometimes murder is wrong.

But it depends on several things.

Is he a Democrat?

Is he a Republican?

How much money did he have?

Whether or not he was wearing any clothes.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go prosecute some young teenage boys who

were caught reading a Playboy magazine in a 7-Eleven store on Martin Luther

King Jr.

Boulevard.

I'm asking for the death penalty.

But what if those teenage boys had been old enough to vote?

Well, if they were Republicans, they would have taken that Playboy magazine

home with them.

taking it to the bathroom, which is a proper place for a magazine of that

sort.

If they were Democrats, they would have thrown it out the school bus window

where other young teenage boys could further their education.

I still don't see what this has to do with my husband's death.

Quite simple, Miss Anderson.

He never registered to vote.

It's supposed to work for you, not against you.

Who is it?

Police officer, ma'am, open up, please.

How do you do, ma'am?

It's about that red Plymouth parked across the street.

Does that car belong to you?

No, I lost my car when my house was flattened. I think it belongs to the guy

across the street.

Then you saw that man park that car there?

Yes, is there a problem?

Well, I'm afraid there is.

See, that's a red zone there, and being that you witnessed that said parking,

you are an accessory to the violation.

And that means that I'm going to have to impose a $50 fine here, or else you can

appear in court. It's your choice, and you have a nice day now.

Accessory to a parking cabin?

The money for this bail will be used for the building of the new metro rail for

the exclusive use of Beverly Hills Maids.

Ooh, that's a road they put right through my house.

Who is it?

Fire Inspector, ma'am.

I'm also the fire inspector for this district.

It's about that dick on the stick that you and your friend were playing with a

while ago? What about it, legal?

Yeah, it's legal, but it's a fire hazard. You see, my friends, my boys

were driving by, and they just glanced in your window, and they happened to see

you with different pictures here. See that?

Now, you'll notice, you see, those are sparks flying right off, off in the

corner. That's a violation, so I'm going to have to impose this fine here and

insist. that you replace their court immediately because it's very dangerous.

Now, you shouldn't use that cheap foreign-made stuff. You're going to mess

around with your public parts. You know what I'm saying? Well, you have a nice

day, and goodbye.

Anderson, right this way.

Right into the cell.

Look, this is really, like, a dreadful mistake.

Look, honey, tell it to the judge, all right?

But they say I withheld income.

That's impossible.

I've never worked.

Honey, my job is to strip you and search you.

So as soon as I get these handcuffs off, I just want your clothes off. You got

it? Okay.

But... I still think he had me mixed up with some other Debbie Anderson.

Hey. What?

Weren't you a paramedic in the last episode?

Yes, I sure was. And I was a plumber in the one before that.

But this time, I'm Jacqueline Webb. I'm a cop.

Now bend over, sweetheart.

What are you supposed to find up there?

The income I supposedly withheld? You never know.

One woman smuggled in a 10-inch nail file in her pussy, and a whole lot

picking kid up her ass.

Well?

Everything okay?

Everything looks just great.

Did you find anything?

You might have found your G-spot.

Oh, yeah.

Oh! Oh!

I don't know.

Yeah.

uh oh

Now we're getting to bed.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Well, am I clean?

I'll say.

Look, honey, why don't you just get out of here?

Do you really mean that?

It's a new policy.

When we're overbooked, we just open the doors for ten minutes, and we let out

every thief, rapist, murderer.

You know, we keep the pornographers and the hookers inside.

Bad image for the city, you understand.

Sure, God, you say it's okay.

Now, this doesn't mean you can miss your court date appearance. You know you're

scheduled to appear before the citizens' court Monday night.

Before Judge Walker.

Yeah. Or maybe I'll finally get to the bottom of all this.

Debbie? Huh? Your clothes.

Oh, thanks.

Thanks.

This is the plaintiff.

She is suing for the wrongful death of her husband and for false imprisonment.

And these are the defendants. They claim that the plaintiff has brought about her

own misfortune by her sexual promiscuity.

and disregard for the fundamental truths.

They are counter-suing on the grounds that they disapprove of her lifestyle.

Hey, man!

Praise the Lord!

We'll have testimony from both sides and lots of nasty pictures, too, in the case

of the wrongful right, today on Citizens Court.

I'm Gabrielle Mary Ellen. Welcome to the Citizens Court and the case of the

wrongful right.

Mrs. Anderson claims that her husband was the first victim of the Mies report,

and that when she tried to say something about it, she was thrown into jail on

trumped-up charges.

The defendants claim that she's full of shit.

Who's telling the truth?

Who's lying their ass off?

We'll find out in a moment when Judge Whopper steps to the bench.

on the citizens' court.

We'll be right back.

Good evening, friends, and welcome to True Confessions of a Condom. Or as one

gay sperm said to the other, how am I supposed to find an egg in all this

shit? Yes, sir, it's out of Africa, and Robert and Meryl have nothing to do with

it. I'm talking about AIDS, and I don't mean diet candies.

Say you're an intravenous drug user.

Tough shit. We can't help.

Say you need a blood transfusion every other day. We can't help.

Do you already have AIDS? No?

Then you're the asshole we've been looking for.

Yes, you say you like the old poop chute, the old Hershey Highway, and you

can't find it. Well, let me tell you, friends, you take the 118 to the 485,

the 405 to the Golden State, the Golden State, down to the Ventura, Ventura to

the Hollywood, the Hollywood over here, to the Simi until you reach the fork in

the road. And then you go directly south, and there you have it, the

Hershey Highway.

Son of a gun.

Okay, now we can stop.

We can help, but you've got to stop fucking each other in the ass. But if

you can't stop, just say, why?

Uncle Henry's poop chute protection.

Yes, friends, change the card.

Technologically advanced, Uncle Henry's is available in conventional models.

all the way up to our new and imported full-ply, four-steel-belted radial

design. Think of it, steel-belted radial design in a change-the-card,

technologically easy-riding radial design. Traction a problem? Never again,

ladies and gentlemen. With Uncle Henry's new mud grip design, imagine full four

-ply design with steel-belted protection in a guaranteed no-slip design.

Available at your local pharmacies. And remember, folks, if it's protection you

want, think.

Uncle Henry's.

While we're waiting for Judge Whopper, let's take a moment to speak to

the plaintiff, Mrs. Debbie Anderson.

Tell me, Mrs. Anderson, how does it feel to be on live television knowing that

the DA is about to imply that a certain woman in this courtroom is a slut, a

whore, and a bimbo?

Didn't know his wife was even here.

Bitch.

Our defendants are Mr.

Ira Investment and Meese Report Delivery Driver, Mr. Bud Hall.

Gentlemen, do you have anything to say?

Yes.

I would just like to say that it's time we got back to the sword of America,

where genitals stand for nothing.

The sword of America that I and people like me can love, honor.

Amen to that. Thank you.

And I want to just say that this woman does things that I never even dreamed of

doing. And I want to know why.

Why you don't dream?

No, I want to know why she gets to have more fun than me.

Maybe her religion doesn't forbid her to have fun.

Then my religion should forbid her. And that's why I'm countersuing you.

Amen. Oh, Donald.

How could you go away and leave me alone like this?

Welcome home.

How was the first day at the new job?

Well, it's...

A little, uh, tough, but, uh,

I'm not complaining. I've got a job.

I had no idea you have unemployment up here.

But the, uh, big guy said Anglis said there'd be something really big

coming along to keep us all very busy for a long time.

World War III?

I hope not.

Ugh. You know how it is a stickler for, uh, company policy?

I know.

I know.

No interference.

Uh... How about a little, uh...

celebration?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh my God.

What's that?

Remember Debbie?

My wife? Of course I do.

Yes, he's on Citizens Court tonight.

Tonight? Is it on now?

Yep.

Is it safe?

You know, there is one thing...

The big guy hates.

That is, uh... Television.

All rise.

The Honorable Court of the Day of Mayhem will now come to order.

The vivacious judge, Great Whoppers, presiding.

I have read your statements.

Sanderson, would you tell the court why you think your husband's death was a

wrongful one?

Well, Your Honor, that moron ran over him three times.

But the police just let him go because he was carrying niece reports in his van

and they were afraid of getting on his religious group's hit list.

And then that DA over there had me thrown in jail just to keep me out of

his hair.

Would you gentlemen care to respond to the charges?

Yes.

I think that we can clear up this whole little mess with one damning piece of

evidence. And what's that, sir?

This receipt from the video hole in Hollywood where Mrs.

Anderson allegedly rented some dirty, filthy, disgusting videotaped

films. I don't understand what that has to do with the case or with anything for

that matter.

It's as clear as a nose on your judicial face, your honor.

Sexually explicit material is considered by some people to be pornographic.

And pornography is illegal.

Furthermore, the people that make these here films do it with a certain amount

of organization.

My God, that makes it organized crime.

That's absurd.

It's all right here in this book.

The Mies Report.

It clearly states that anyone viewing sexually explicit material should be

destroyed. They should be cast out!

Amen! Cast out and down into the fires of

everlasting hell!

Amen!

Fires of everlasting hell?

She didn't even do anything!

I've got to go help her.

I'm going back.

Wait, but you can't.

It's a holiday.

And none of the guides are on duty.

I will find my own way back.

But you can't. You'll get lost.

Only the guides know the way back.

You'll be lost forever.

I have to go.

But then would you mind turning the television off for me?

document from cover to cover and let me tell you it was the most trying

experience of my life and i found it to be the most poorly written poorly

researched and poorly advised piece of i have ever seen further i find it

obscene by reason of its ignorance and order it banned and destroyed

that sir is my ruling no your honor you mustn't And why

shouldn't I, young lady?

Although I doubt you'll find an interview with the president in it.

Banning the Meese Report would be just as stupid and harmful as banning the

magazines and films and books that it attacks.

Whatever people choose to read is their right, as long as they don't force their

views on others.

Well, young lady, I can't say I've ever had anybody try to force a Playboy

magazine on me.

But I sure have had a lot of Bibles.

and pamphlets forced on me in airports.

Furthermore, I am tired of seeing station after station of religious

programming on TV when I am trying to turn in to divorce court.

They're just morons, Your Honor. And even morons have the right to free

speech. How else can we learn to identify them and avoid them?

Good point, Mrs. Anderson.

As you know, I happen to be a religious person myself.

But that doesn't prevent me from enjoying a little hop in the hay now and

again. And I don't need anyone telling me how to hop or whether I can read

about hopping.

All right, Mrs. Anderson. It would be wrong to destroy the Mies report.

Freedom of speech protects the members of the commission.

Fortunately, freedom of speech also protects me when I say they have got

their heads up their asses.

in favor of Mrs. Anderson for the sum of $69,000.

Case closed.

Mrs.

Anderson, I'll see you at the bench.

Let's go.

How do I do, Mom?

Debbie, this is a scandal.

You know what your father would say?

But I'm proud of you.

I see that the defendants are approaching us now. Perhaps they'll have

a word for us.

The judge has ruled against you, stating that your thoughts can be deemed obscene

by reason of ignorance.

How do you feel about that?

You know, you've got nice tits.

Such a stuffy little bitch.

And you, sir, have you something to say?

This is Gabrielle Mary Ellen.

To say good evening from Citizens Court.

Oh, Ira, did you lose?

I don't want to talk about it.

Fix me a drink.

Goddamn judges.

They screw you every time.

Oh, my God.

I worked months on a case.

And they just nailed it to the wall.

Thanks, Babs.

just not fair.

You worked so hard to screw those people and those fuddy-duddy judges to spoil

the whole thing.

That's right, Babs.

It's not easy being a DA these days.

Come here.

Take care of my needs.

But Ira, Uncle Ronnie's watching.

I'll take care of him.

Time for you to go beddy-bye. I know you must be getting tired.

Hello, sweetheart.

Ah, fix it.

Come here.

But you didn't tell me that was part of the job when you hired me. Well, I

didn't tell the taxpayers who pay your salary that I was going to screw them

either. Now, will you slow down, goddammit? Come here, sweetheart.

Come on.

Come to daddy.

Come on, come to daddy.

Oh, I got you. Oh.

Oh, well, what the heck. I always did wonder what lawyers had in their briefs.

Let me show you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I want you to tell me if I should be on fire

Thank you.

Let me say, Debbie, after watching you in court today, I finally learned what

DA stands for.

What's that, Mom?

Dumbass.

So tell me, what are you going to do with all your money?

Well, I'll take some of it and use it for a down payment on a house.

Somewhere where they've never heard of freeways or freeway offerings. Well,

what about politics?

Who's going to keep an eye on the Edwin Meeses of the world?

Oh, I'll keep an eye on them.

And if they don't watch their step, I'll be back.

Oh, Donald.

How could you do this to me?