Original subtitles

Tonight, the Ferrari Enzo, the Jaguar XJ220,

the Pagani Zonda, the McLaren F1,

the Ferrari F40 and the Porsche Carrera GT.

Hello! And I'd like to extend a particularly warm welcome

to the chap who telephoned the BBC to complain that in last week's show

the cheapest car we featured cost £29,000.

Plainly, he won't like the line-up we've got tonight,

so, just for you, we're gonna kick off tonight

with a nice, sensible, family hatchback.

For the last six years

the Ford Focus has ruled in the land of hatchbacks.

Its looks were revolutionary

and even today, in its old age, it's still amazing to drive.

But now the old warrior is dying

and the rivals are swarming in to carve up the kingdom.

There's loads of them.

The bullet-proof Toyota Corolla and Honda Civic.

The chic old Renault Megane, the spacious Seat Altea,

and leading the attack, the new sharp-suited Vauxhall Astra.

And the evergreen iconic Golf.

Time, then, for the Focus to come out fighting.

This is the brand new one.

It's on sale in a few weeks' time.

So, let's have a look at it.

And just to liven things up, we'll let out its two biggest rivals,

the Astra and the Golf.

Now, as you've probably guessed,

this car has got a lot to live up to.

And we start with bad news, frankly.

I mean, just look at it!

The old Focus was a bit of a head-turner,

it was a real love or hate car. And that's good.

But this one, this is a brand new car,

and you'll have to point that out to people,

tell them, or they won't even notice it.

Let me show you what I mean.

This is the most important new car of the year,

and here it is on the High Street on a Saturday afternoon,

months before it will actually go on sale.

Let's see how many people give it a second glance.

Oh, here we go! No, he didn't.

Baldie? No.

Oh, dear.

Now, this wouldn't be so bad

if it was just up against something as conservative as the Golf.

But alongside the new Astra, the Focus looks desperate.

Inside or out, the Vauxhall is definitely the more handsome car.

Just look at it in here, it's so much more modern and refreshing.

So, first strike to the Astra on looks.

But then the Focus starts to fight back.

It may be quite incredibly drab and dreary in here,

and, trust me, it is,

but there is an air of quality to it.

The plastics feel classy.

The switches feel better put-together than before

and all the knobs and anything you have to operate feel chunky.

And the space back here is amazing.

Even the three-door is enormous.

And the boot is bigger than anything.

Volkswagen, Vauxhall, or anyone else can throw at you.

And then there's the question of price.

All these cars are posh-îsh, high-powered diesel versions.

All of them have alloy wheels, air con, a full half a dozen air bags,

CD player and six-speed gearboxes.

But whilst the Focus costs £17,375,

the Astra is £600 more,

and the Golf is £18,500, a full £1,100 more.

So, the newest car here is also the cheapest and the roomiest.

Two strikes to Ford.

The Focus is starting to show its class behind that dreary face,

and it's got one more weapon up its sleeve.

And that's the way it drives.

Now this was the old Focus's party piece.

So, let's see if it's passed on the torch.

Oh, yes.

For a family hatchback this is still a real giggle.

The steering is sharp, much sharper than you'd expect it to be.

The Golf and the Astra might have improved in recent years,

but they're still nowhere near as pin-sharp to drive as the Focus.

It's actually pulled off a clever trick.

You see the ride is better than the old Focus.

It feels more refined, more grown-up than the old Focus.

And yet it's just as much fun.

I just know, on a very ordinary morning,

on a very ordinary dash to a very ordinary train station

this would put a bigger smile on my face than any of the others.

Under the skin, then, the new Focus is a very good car.

But it blows its own trumpet so badly with those dull looks.

The question is, will it get under your skin the way the old one did?

So really, it's just the styling issue that we're worried about.

And I've got a theory on that.

- Really? - No, it's a good theory, this one!

These cars become so common, that they're like pylons.

Big wires hanging off 'em?

No. You just don't notice them, so it doesn't really matter.

So long as it's not offensively ugly,

so long as it's not a Kia Rio, for example.

It doesn't matter that it's a big bland.

Regrettably, I think on this occasion your theory stands up.

I think you're right. It doesn't matter.

And if you take the looks out of the equation, then that's it.

- I think we're probably agreed. - Yeah.

- The Focus is the best. - Focus is number one.

Unless, of course...

Unless what you've always wanted

is a car of this size and price

but with a steering wheel that when you turn it,

the middle stays where it is.

If you've always wanted that, a Focus is no good.

That's really funny he should mention that,

because in the studio we've got the new Citroen C4.

And when you look inside, you discover

that the steering wheel turns,

but the middle stays where it is. Look at that!

That's absolutely remarkable.

What's more?

We think this is a really, really good-looking car.

And, because it's a Citroen, it's going to be good value.

Of course, you know why Citroen always offers so many deals.

- Oh, yeah, they fall apart. - Exactly. Cheap.

They don't use nuts and bolts to make a car.

Far too complicated and expensive.

- Spit. - Yeah, they go...

Lick the door mirror and stick it on like that.

Oh! Just before we do the news, we've had a letter.

I got to share it with you. Here, pink notepaper.

All the "I" s have got little circles on them.

- Ready? "Dear Richard." - All right.

"Yeah, I watch Top Gear.

"I think you're the best-looking guy on the programme."

That's hardly an achievement, is it?

"You're cool."

Fair point.

"You're cool, good-looking, ace hairstyle, wicked clothes.

- "Best wishes..." - She sounds great!

That's, uh... That's Stuart.

- It's a modern world, that's all right. - It gets better because...

Would you like to know Stuart's address?

Not really, no.

The Folkestone Wing, Her Majesty's prison, Broadmoor.

Broadmoor?

He's getting out soon and he wants to know...

- But he could be watching now. Shut up! - Can't. No, listen...

"What did you do with all the shirts from the last series?

- "Can I have them?" - No. No...

Or yes. How long is he gonna be at that address?

- Do we know? - It's better than that.

Stuart, come on in!

- I don't like that. - Uh, the Council for the Protection

of Rural England is mounting a campaign to stop so many road signs at the roadside.

- We've got a photograph here... - Is that real?

That is a real photograph. This is a council obsessed with being sued

and has done that. We absolutely throw our weight behind the CPRE on that

- because that sort of thing is preposterous. - I'm not throwing my weight behind that.

- Why? - Have you seen who's behind them?

Who? Bill Bryson.

- So? - Well, I think that man is a danger,

frankly, because I can't stand beardy, sanctimonious, patronising Americans

in tartan trousers coming to England to persuade us to turn it into a museum.

He wants cheeky Cockneys in the East End, pushing wheelbarrows full of eels,

and he wants industrious Northerners who are dying of the consumption.

Bill, if you're watching, okay, you won't be watching, because we're not talking

steam engines or longboats or bear-baiting, but we're not interested in your stupid.

American views who come over here with their video cameras and are like-sod off!

Who's he? What? Okay.

Bill Bryson then, seemingly not as popular as he might have thought.

The Ferrari...

Ferrari have given the Pope a present.

- Very nice. - Sounds very nice. Yes.

It's a Formula One car. He's 84!

- What's he... - He's got Parkinson's disease.

He wanted slippers.

What's he... What if he uses it?

New 3-series BMW, photographs have been revealed this week,

thought you might like to have a look.

Uh, there it is.

Now, found a few things out about it.

It's going to be a range of petrol engines, obviously.

2-litre, 2.5, 3-litre, there'll be a diesel.

Inevitably there'll be an M3 along in a while.

It's bigger in the back, bigger boots, bigger car.

And the best thing I think is that the man responsible for ruining

the look of all BMWs in recent years

has obviously been locked in a cupboard while they did that one.

This is not really that ugly to behold.

- You're talking about Bangle, aren't you? - Yeah.

I'm not having this, "Ruined all BMWs".

The 7-series, I think, looks fabulous.

And the Z4, that is a fantastic-looking car.

No. You're not quite right there.

- I mean, I agree with you. It... - Well, I am.

No, you're not. It's good,

but the 7-series is a little bit wonky.

- That was the first one he did? - Yeah.

- The 6-series. - Yeah.

- That is a truly fabulous modern car. - Either way.

Ladies and gentlemen, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder offering their opinions...

...on the BMW range there.

No, don't. What?

Actually I think that probably will be a very nice car to drive.

I mean, they always are.

BMs are always nice to drive.

But they're just so golf-îsh now.

- I'm talking about... - As in VW?

No. No, just this stupid trouser thing.

- Can we move on? - Yes.

Very briefly, I just wanted to point out,

Eurostar, you know the train that you can go abroad on, in,

have now announced, with some fanfare,

that you can get from Peterborough to Paris

in about three and a half hours, which is interesting.

It's just that I bet

they're not making the same song and dance in Paris.

"You can now get from Paris to Peterborough."

Why? I mean...

Ooh. Now, Mitsubishi.

You know the Evo?

Well, of course you do, yeah.

The latest one, they've just announced,

will have 400 brake horsepower.

That's unbelievable. From a two-litre...

From a two-litre engine.

How big is the turbo going to be on it?

- And what is it going to suck up? - Everything!

- Everything you pass! - Children with kites.

- Yeah. - Whoa! God!

- Apparently, you have to service it every 4,500 miles. - Yeah.

I reckon it's simply because they've got to empty the turbo out.

I mean, if you started it in the garage one day,

it'd just be full of lawn mowers and old dinghies and sledges and paint.

There'll be a lot more "lost kitten" signs on lampposts.

- No! No! - Eaten up by a Mitsu...

That's sad.

Right, Restoration Ripoff. Your chance to save a great car for the nation.

We asked you to write in knackered but interesting cars, narrowed it to five,

but the catch is, we can only save one. You're going to decide by voting.

Last week, we did a Lotus 10 that was ordered by James Dean before his death,

And now, here's another candidate.

Our non-runner this week is one of Britain's more eccentric cars.

This is the Adams Probe 16. You probably don't recognise the name, but you should

recognise the shape. Because this car was a film star.

But's not the first reason for restoring it. First of all, it's much rarer than a

a Bugatti Royale or a Ferrari 250 GTO. Those got 6 and 39 made, but this? 3.

And then there's the brave design. Everyone was stunned by the Ford GT40,

because it sat just 40 inches high, but this makes the Ford look like a Range Rover.

When it's sitting down on its own wheels, its roof is just 34 inches off the ground.

And that meant there was no room for doors, so there aren't any.

Instead, you stuck a key in the bodywork, and this glass roof opened electrically.

The designer, Dennis Adams, said this car was inspired by a woman's anatomy.

But it was the '60s.

And it was at the end of the '60s when this car caught the eye of Stanley Kubrick.

When Kubrick made A Clockwork Orange, he needed a car as shocking as his film.

And this very Probe 16 was it.

But although it may still look futuristic, one or two details are a bit medieval.

The chassis, for example, is made of wood. And the engine came from an Austin Maxi.

And then there's the pedals. The throttle and the clutch move outwards, like that.

It is of course, a complete crock. All the bits are in boxes, and look like this.

They all need refinishing and refitting. But we think it's probably worth it.

Because this car epitomises that mad late '60s period, when all the furniture hung

from the ceiling and all the carpet was shag pile.

You can't design a car like this today. Legislation would stop it immediately.

And that's why this car is worthy of your vote.

Absolutely no idea. Uh, anyway,

Ferrari. Um...

Now a couple of years ago they introduced this amazing new hypercar, really.

It was called the F60.

And we've been trying, ever since, to get hold of one.

Yeah. For two years! They cost £500,000, so we couldn't buy one, obviously.

They wouldn't lend one to us at Ferrari.

We rang Avis. They didn't have one we could hire. Or anything.

I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one and said,

you know, "Can we borrow yours?"

And he said, "Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter.

"'Cause it amounts to the same thing."

And then out of the blue, Nick Mason, who's the drummer with Pink Floyd,

telephoned to say that he'd got an F60 which we could borrow,

if we promised to plug his new book.

Well, we aren't really allowed to plug stuff on Top Gear.

But I said to him, "Look, if we can have your F60,

"I'll slide a couple of references in."

"And I don't think any of the bigwigs will notice."

This is what the fuss is all about.

And it's easy to see why.

For sheer excitement and pizzazz

it's hard to think of anything which can match it.

The only thing that comes close, really,

is this book that I've been reading.

It's called Inside Out: A Personal History of Pink Floyd

by Nick Mason.

Um, it is beautifully written, remarkably well produced

and at just £30, exceptional value.

Of course, anyone can buy the book.

It's for sale in every good bookshop,

whereas only 399 F60s were made and you couldn't just choose to buy one.

You were chosen by Ferrari.

And you were only selected if they thought you were worthy.

One of the lucky ones was the author and part-time drummer, Nick Mason.

So how much of a thrill was it when you got the call from Ferrari to say

that you could have one of these F60s?

Oh, it was absolutely terrific.

In fact, it was probably as exciting as the moment

when I actually got my hands on the first production copy of my book.

Oh, your new book, yeah, which I have to say is absolutely excellent.

It really is absolutely wonderful

'cause it sort of chronicles the whole history of Pink Floyd.

The thing is, though, how would you compare the car to the book?

I think that's a tough call, Jeremy.

I think they're both enormously exciting

but perhaps most importantly they're both great value for money.

Marvellous. Thank you.

What he's saying, then, is that his car is as good as his book,

so it must be quite a machine.

You only have to look at this.

Formula-One style steering wheel to know that you're in something

unbelievably special. I mean, look at it!

It's a Saucerful Of Secrets. You've got red lights here

to tell you when to change gear

and then you've got one that says,

"Mode", a button and then another button with "Set"

and one for lifting the nose up when you get to a speed bump.

And "Race"!

Race! Look at that one!

That one turns the traction control off.

Don't think so!

You'd have to be a fully paid-up member of Exit to do that.

There's more F1 stuff too, like these gear changes here behind the steering wheel.

Okay, when you pull one, like that,

the on-board computer...

I'll just shut it up a bit. The on-board computer disengages the clutch,

selects a new gear, orders up a burst of torque from the engine

to sustain you during the change and firms up the rear suspension

to stop the back of the car squatting.

And it does all that in 150 milliseconds. Ready?

Don't be fooled though. Unlike the last limited edition Ferrari,

the F50, which was a big, ugly, vibrating pile-driver of a thing,

this was not designed to be an F1 car for the road.

It was designed to be a road car for the road.

Though, quite which road they had in mind, I have no idea.

Atom Heart Mother!

I've never known such savagery!

There's incredible gear change and the responsiveness of the steering

and then there's the speed of the thing!

The monster making that torrent of sound is a six-litre V12

that develops 650 brake horsepower.

That's 45 more than you get from a Porsche GT.

It's 100 more than you get from a Ford GT.

Come on! Come on!

Mummy!

That is the Delicate Sound Of Thunder.

You just Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun.

And just like that you are on The Dark Side of the Moon.

Wish You Were Here

just to feel this power!

But then it does need colossal grunt.

Because although it's made from carbon fibre and Kevlar, it's actually quite heavy.

Sitting still, it weighs more than 1,300 kilograms.

At 186 mph, however, when the downforce from that body kicks in,

it weighs more than two tonnes.

But even so, the top speed is 218 mph.

This thing would eat a Porsche Carrera GT.

It makes the Porsche look like a Bentley.

Whoa! Oh, my God!

Only astronauts have felt power like this before.

The gap between this and the Mercedes McLaren SLR

is as wide as the gap between Michael Schumacher and David Coulthard.

This is now the performance benchmark.

This is the speed king.

This is the Division Bell between the ordinary

and the absolutely astonishing!

Ferrari are so pleased with it,

they've named it after the founder of the company.

They call it the Enzo.

That would be the same as Lotus calling their next car the Colin.

It is so brilliantly focused.

I mean, look at this cabin. There is nothing to distract you.

There are no electric windows, there's no sat-nav,

there's nothing to distract you from the job of driving.

'Cause when you're in here, that is all you want to do.

Just drive and drive and drive.

The Enzo is a masterpiece.

There's a real sense that it's a massive, barely contained fury.

That you're in control of something biblical, something utterly magical.

Something wonderful.

And when you see it parked alongside its rivals,

you can't help thinking that we really have reached a peak.

That supercars today are approaching a state of engineering perfection.

The thing is though, Nick Mason could now take this car home.

We've finished with it. But instead, look how he is going home.

Why is he doing that?

That is a very good point though. Why did he do that?

I mean, how long has he had this?

Well, when I drove it, it had done 300 miles.

300 miles! And he's already gone back to using a helicopter?

Yeah. As soon as he'd taken off and was Obscured By Clouds...

Very good. Ah, saw that one.

Um, I got to thinking maybe these modern supercars like the Enzo,

maybe they are achieving this sense of, kind of, engineering perfection,

but for sheer gut-wrenching "I've got to go and drive it" excitement.

Maybe the older stuff from like, 15 years ago, is better.

Stuff like the McLaren F1 and the Jaguar XJ220?

Exactly. So later in the show, we're going to put the older stuff

against the newer stuff, to see which is better.

And also...

- We'll let the Stig do a lap in the Enzo. - Yes!

Yes. Can't wait for that.

Now though, it is time to put our star in the reasonably priced car.

She's quite simply the biggest-selling female British artist of all time.

Of course, not as big-selling as Pink Floyd, I should say,

which I have been reading about in this riveting book

full of fascinating facts about Pink Floyd.

Absolutely, but she's done very well for a ginger, never the less.

Ladies and gentlemen, Geri Halliwell!

How are you?

Have a seat.

You...

- You're looking fantastic! - Thank you.

You know, this reminds me of a car auction.

This, this... This whole place.

Yup! It would do.

They're all auctioneers, these people.

- Yeah. - They buy and sell Cortinas.

Every Tuesday. I thought you'd know about that.

- Yeah, my... - Because your old man was...

Car dealer. Second-hand, dodgy car dealer.

That's okay, they all are.

So, what have you been up to?

'Cause you've been awfully quiet just recently.

Yeah, I was taking time out in Los Angeles.

And I spent the last three years just writing my album.

And I'm just about to release...

You can just stop. We don't do plugging on this show.

So...

I'm just... I'm not plugging, I'm just telling the truth.

- Okay fine. So there's a new album out? - Yes.

- We don't want to know the name. - Okay.

Not unless you're gonna give us a half million quid supercar

and then you can frankly say anything you like about it.

I can... I can lend you my Mercedes, if you like.

- Not good enough. - Aston Martin?

- Hmmm, what sort? - A DB7.

- No. Sorry. - Okay.

No, if it were a DB9, the new race car,

we'd obviously discuss.

Is there a single coming out?

- Yeah. - There is?

Yeah. It's called Ride It.

What? No, I was talking over the top of that. So we never heard it.

And...

- Anyway, what... - You're funny.

I haven't started yet.

What worries me slightly is that you're not gonna be looking quite so good

in 10 minutes time, after we've seen your lap.

Because your driving career is shocking.

But it is. I've never read anything like...

How many times did you crash,

in say, the early days of the Spice Girls?

Yeah, I had a lot. Seven.

- In how many... - Six months.

Seven?

But kind of little crashes.

You know, 'cause it's more like when you're distracted.

'Cause I had four other girls with me

and I used to drive my Fiat Uno everywhere.

And it'd be whether they'd pass me a chewing gum,

or, you know, if I was talking, or just looking in the...

It was those kind of silly things.

- Mmm-hmm. - Once I went out of a no-exit.

And this cyclist went into the back windscreen over Victoria.

- So that's it. - They're mushy, cyclists.

- Yeah. - They cause very little damage to the car.

- I took him to hospital. - Oh, did you?

- I did. - Was he a nice chap?

- He was. - Oh good. You didn't...

- Nothing happened there. You didn't... - No!

Your list of requirements for a man is...

Let's be honest, quite long.

- Do you think I'm just asking too much? - Well, I got it from...

From your book. I'm not gonna say what it's called obviously.

You say that your perfect man has to love his mum, be trustworthy, kind,

good-looking, funny, sexy, healthy, bigger bank balance than yours,

virile, 28-38, loyal, fit, lots of free time and is respected in his own right.

I've dropped a few of them. He doesn't have to be that age.

- He can be younger. - Oh, fine!

'Cause I was gonna say this is me, apart from that...

- Okay. How old are you? - The age...

Edge the age up to, like, 44.

- Oh, that's okay. How tall are you? - 6'5".

- Oh, really? Oh, I really like tall. - 6'5".

- That's good. - Yeah.

'Cause I'm so little, genetically.

- You've had it. - Are you really...

Yeah, I mean, check it out.

Okay.

Check. I think you fit perfectly.

And I could rest my pint there.

- Yeah. - That'd be perfect.

Actually, we've gotta say, your brother rang. Did you know this?

- Did he? - To tell us about your driving.

- Really? - Yeah.

"The problem is, when she's driving,

"she makes the actual business of driving

"fourth or fifth on her list of things to do.

"If she's not doing her bloody hair or make up,

"she's on the phone or playing with her dogs or whatever."

That's what he said.

Did he?

And then he says, "Every panel of her Aston

"has a scrape or a dent, even the roof."

How can you get a scrape on the roof?

- How can you get a scrape on the roof? - Low bridges.

No.

You see, even in Los Angeles, they're not that low.

Uh, you're accident-prone away from the road as well, I believe.

Your dog for instance? What happened when it went to Chequers?

We went to Tony Blair's house for Christmas, in Chequers.

And I brought Harry... 'Cause he's a really good...

Dogs are great icebreakers when you're a little bit shy, and you haven't met someone.

Anyway so, Harry went missing and everyone else had gone for a tour of the house,

and then I found him in Tony Blair's study and he'd done a big pee.

You know, where he does all his research.

I'd like to do that.

- How did Tony take it? - He took it very well, actually, I have to say.

You know.

Okay, so what was the first car that you got when you kind of made it big?

When I was a little girl, one of the first family portraits I had...

It was this little, tiny, red convertible.

And, so when I got my first cheque for signing my record deal,

I got a 1967 MGB Roadster.

I've always been obsessed with cars, old cars.

It had silver spokes. It was beautiful.

But sadly, two or three days after I got it,

I pulled the handbrake on it and I left it on a hill.

And I just caught it out, out of the corner of my eye. And it rolled into a...

You did. Your brother actually said he told you,

you should always leave an old car in gear.

Okay, yeah.

- And you didn't listen? - No.

- And it rolled down and it hit a... - Lamppost.

Lamppost. That was... Another one had gone.

And today, you have one of my very favourite cars actually.

- The old Merc. Which one is it? - It's a 280SL.

- The old pagoda roof? - Yeah, Grace Kelly car.

- Kate Moss has got one as well. - Has she?

Yeah. They're glorious cars.

George Michael bought it for me as a birthday present.

- Really? - I thought I'd name-drop that.

- I feel very proud of that. - That is a nice thing. Why did he do that?

Because I think he loves me.

Well, perhaps, to stop you driving his cars.

Yeah. The funny thing is, the reason why...

Well. I was driving his Mercedes in the south of France

and I hit that one!

So there we go.

Have you ever driven a car for any period of time and not crashed it?

- I haven't crashed this one, the one that George bought me. - You didn't?

- Um, right, now. The lap. - Mmm-hmm.

- I had a little help on Monday. - Really?

I did some extra training with a Formula Three...

I think you met him earlier. Formula One Driver.

- And his name is Jamie Green. - Where did you go?

Ah, it was just in Bedford.

- Oh, the Bedford Aerodrome. - Yeah. Yeah.

- Good track. - Good fun. Lot of fun.

And what were you driving there?

Ah, I drove a really crappy car to get used to what we were doing today.

Yeah.

I have this motto, fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

So, I can, you know, just have a try a little bit, put the footwork in.

Jeremy, I think it's always just to do your best, that's it.

I like to give my best.

And that's what you think you have done today.

You know what? I don't know if I did my best today.

I was quite more overwhelmed with...

I'm premenstrual, so I'm a bit like that.

I don't think that... Sorry! That's not very..

No man will understand this.

The only way I can get a man to understand this... It's a little bit, um...

It's kinda like you wanna feel like you wanna hit someone. And...

- Did you tell the Stig? - It's a bit like road rage, before you even have it.

So, and that's not good for driving. So it's better to relax, isn't it?

So therefore, I was in a kind of more of a state of tension.

Let's find out. Who would like to see Gerri's lap?

Yes.

- This is the moment of truth, Geri. - Oh, God.

Here we go. Let's play the tape.

Now that's an aggressive start.

Come on!

An aggressive gear change, I would say.

Oh, is it raining?

- Yeah. - Look at the speed!

You go too fast in, you'll skid out.

Yes, look. You've gone and skidded miles out there.

It's very...

I like the aggression. The aggression is good.

Very fast into every...

That's very good.

- Now, did you lift off going through there? - A little bit.

Corner slowly on the thing.

Right.

This is impressive stuff!

And there we are, across the line.

- Oh! - That is honestly... That is impressive.

- Is it? - It is!

To continue the tradition of spelling everybody's name wrong on there,

Harry Jellywell.

That's what we'll do.

One minute.

55.4. So you're not Whiteley.

You did very well. You're right about there.

Give her a round of applause everybody.

Look.

- Who's Boris? - Boris Johnson.

- Who's that? - Liverpool's famous son!

- Jonathan Ross. - That was 156, Jonathan Ross got lost.

He got lost?

He got lost. Johnny Vegas hasn't got a driving test.

Harry Enfield, pathetic. Then Richard Whiteley. What can you say about that?

- Okay. - We actually had a blind man ring up the other day.

Said he reckons he could go around faster than Richard Whiteley.

What do you reckon, should we give him a try?

Yes!

In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen, Geri Halliwell!

Thank you.

Now, time to answer a question.

And it's a question that's been vexing the nation, it's this.

Which would win in a race between a car and a boy?

You might think the answer, is obvious, but we weren't so sure.

This is a really steep hill in Wales.

It's the sort of place where you find people racing these, all-terrain boards.

It's quite a piece of kit made from carbon and Kevlar.

And specially built to travel at great speeds over rough ground.

Impressive. But so is this.

It's a Group N Mitsubishi Evo 7 rally car.

And it too, is specially built to travel at great speed over rough ground.

More importantly, it's got an engine and a pretty good engine too.

300bhp, two litres, with a whacking great turbo on it.

Whereas the skateboard's engine

is this, a 16-year-old youth called Tom.

He's from the West Country.

Now, we love an unfair challenge on Top Gear,

so which one of these is going to be faster in the race?

The Cornish teenager or the turbo charged rally car?

This is the course where they'll be competing.

The locals call it the Green Mile.

It's a half-mile stretch of prime Welsh hillside

that's been turned into an off-road race track.

Packed with sharp turns, rough ground and steep dips.

And actually the car will have a tougher time than you might think.

Because despite his fluffy top lip,

Tom is the double world champion at all-terrain skateboarding.

At full chat downhill, he can travel at 40 mph, and that's a lot,

especially when you haven't got brakes.

Maximizing the car's chances is professional racing driver Ben Collins.

Here we go. This is it. Machine against grumpy teen.

Oh, this is too terrible. I can't watch!

The wet grass is as slippy as sheet ice

and the Mitsubishi is struggling to put down all that power

or use the brakes.

Not only that, the car is having to steer around the obstacles,

whereas the boy is simply spearing straight down the hill.

Our driver is getting murdered out there.

Well, that was a blow for technical progress.

The internal combustion engine trounced by an acne-raddled teenager on a plank.

Now, not that we're sore losers or anything, but it's double or quits time.

We've just upped the ante.

This is a Bowler Wildcat.

You may remember it from a previous episode of Top Gear.

It's got a five-litre V8 engine,

300 horsepower, and a race car style tubular space frame chassis

that was designed to shrug off light knocks.

Like being dropped 40 feet onto its nose.

This car was built to monster the Paris-Dakar,

so it should make mincemeat of a small hill in Wales.

Okay, here we go. Try this, kiddo!

Much more like it!

The aggressive, knobbly tyres give the Bowler grip

and let the aggressive, knobbly driver steer it where he wants.

You see, sometimes, you just got to teach these youths a lesson.

Show them who's boss. It's for his own good.

Probably.

Good lad. Good lad.

Okay, it's time to do the Cool Wall!

And we shall begin with the Vauxhall Monaro

that we saw in last week's show.

Big Aussie V8. What do we think?

Cool.

Subzero. You hang on a minute.

- You think it's... - Subzero.

- You are an Australian! - Yeah.

- Why are you over here? - DB9 actually.

You think it goes in the DB9 section?

Wow! Well, this is interesting because

we're struggling to think of a single Australian thing ever that's been cool!

- Can you think of anything? - Foster's!

- Not really. - Who said Foster's?

Who said... You said Foster's?

- It is. Yeah, it's cool. - Yeah, it's cold.

But I wouldn't call it a cool drink.

You know what I'm saying? I prefer Chablis.

I'll tell you what, Jeremy, rounding up cattle with a helicopter.

You know when they do that?

No. I've done that. It's rugged,

but it's not cool. Also, they're quite gay.

I do think that this is a cool car.

- I agree. - Yes!

It's not super-cool, it's Australian. But it is a cool car.

- Can I do one? - By all means.

The new Porsche 911. You drove it on the program last week.

Now you said it's kind of sharper, and a bit edgier,

and it's gonna get the fat, balding, middle-aged blokes out a bit.

- What do we think? - Which makes it cooler.

We'll then go with uncool? Yes?

- Uncool. - Uncool. Why?

She looks the same as every other Porsche.

- Well, that's the point of it! Anybody else? You've got an opinion?

- I think it's quite cool. - Wrong!

- Wrong, wrong, wrong. - I agree with the lady. I think it's cool.

No, you're wrong again!

I went to have a look round a school, okay, for my children.

- Inadvertently took this car with me. - And?

You could see the pupils making a mental note

that when my children start, they're gonna be bullied.

- What? - They gonna flush their heads

down the lavatory for five years.

"Has your dad still got that 911?

"Is it yellow? Get in there."

So if you want your children to be bullied, this is the car to buy.

And as a result, it's very, very uncool.

The new Mercedes SLK.

And the old one was a little bit girly.

Um, this though, I think with that kind of Formula One-îsh

front end there, that, I think, is maybe a cool car now.

What do we think?

- Cool. - Cool car?

I think it's getting there.

- Cool. - Cool?

- Cool. - Cool.

- Cool. - Cool.

- A general cool consensus. - Yeah.

You think it's cool? Unfortunately, you're all wrong.

It's down here for a very good reason.

Because you say so.

- No. There's an even better reason than that. - I didn't...

Wayne Rooney has bought one for Coleen!

No, you're right!

I'm sorry. Unless Mercedes can confiscate that car back from the lovely Coleen

that's gonna stay down there. Which is a pity.

- It is a pity. - What about this?

Ferrari Enzo.

Well, we'll rule well though and move about.

- Cool? - Cool.

- Fridge of its own. - Fridge of its own?

- What? Beyond the DB9? - Um...

You think this is cooler than the DB9?

- Yeah. I do think so. - Really?

- And you? - Cool.

- Cool? - Very cool!

- Really cool? - Cool.

- Cool. - Cool.

Disagreed over there.

Who thinks it's uncool? Let's go and talk to this man. Why is it uncool?

'Cause not enough cool people could own one.

Not enough. Only 399 were made.

- Right here. You thought it was uncool. - Yeah.

- Why? - Same reason, I can't imagine a cool guy driving it.

You can't imagine a cool guy driving it?

Thank you. Thank you, gentlemen, for getting the point of the cool wall.

This is not just uncool.

- Really? - Seriously uncool.

What? Who said "Ooh"?

Look at it this way.

You walk into the urinals,

and there's a chap standing suspiciously close to the porcelain.

- He's probably got one. - What do you mean?

Why? Why would you stand...

You're there now.

- Yes. - Anyway, speaking of the Enzo.

The time is come to find out

whether the supercars being made now under Mr Blair,

are a match for the supercars that were made

when Mrs Thatcher was running the shop.

This is a Pagani Zonda.

It's powered by a sophisticated 7.3-litre V12 engine.

And it's built from space age materials

that have to be made in laboratories by scientists in white coats.

This is a Jaguar XJ22 from 12 years ago.

It's made from stuff that was dug out of the ground,

by men in check shirts and hard hands.

It's sophisticated and as advanced as a telegraph pole.

And because its engine is less than half the size of the one in the Zonda,

you know which one will win a simple black and white drag race.

But you'd be wrong.

It's the Jag, a car conceived in the power-crazed 80s that's much, much faster.

Ooh, look what we have here!

It's two ultra-modern supercars, the Ferrari Enzo

and the Porsche Carrera GT.

Flat out, they'll reach 210, maybe 220 miles an hour,

where they'll be blasted to kingdom come

by the 11-year-old McLaren F1.

This can do 241 miles an hour.

So you see my point? In a straight line at least,

cars from the Blair era are slower

than the cars that were spawned during the reign of Mrs Thatcher.

As you would expect in these times of increased social responsibility,

these modern supercars are much safer for the people inside them

and safer too, for the people they run over.

They're more reliable than older ones and kinder to the environment.

All that comes out of the exhaust pipes on this Porsche are baby foxes.

These cars are like one of Mr Blair's speeches, or a pensions commercial,

which amounts to the same thing.

They're building a better future for our children and a safer, cleaner tomorrow.

But that's not the point.

Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill

and then run over him again for good measure.

They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table,

destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands

and turn the entire third world into a huge, uninhabitable desert.

But only after they've nicked all the oil.

This doesn't feel like it would do any of that.

I have a horrible feeling that if this could read a newspaper,

it would be the Guardian.

It feels like the Porsche Rusbridger.

And as I sit here, I can't help thinking

that it could, and should, be even faster.

I mean, McLaren proved 15 years ago

that man had the ability and the technology

to make a road car go 230 or 240 miles an hour.

Now Porsche have that technology, they have that ability.

And yet, with this, for whatever reason, they held back.

This then ticks all the health and safety boxes.

It's like an airbus, very safe and very civilized,

whereas the old McLaren...

That's like Concorde.

Unfortunately, like Concorde, it was flawed.

Even its biggest fans, and I'm not one of them, admits the gearbox is clunky,

the steering is too heavy, the front's too vague and the back end is skittish.

Couple all that to this spectacular power

and you end up with something truly terrifying!

You know that bit in Dr Strangelove

where Peter Sellers is astride the nuclear missile?

That's what it's like!

You don't know where you're going. You've no real control.

You just know your journey will end very soon and very badly!

Despite this, there those who say that

this was the greatest supercar ever made.

But, and this is a personal thing, I've always preferred... This.

The Ferrari F40 had no door handles, no radio and no carpets.

The interior was held together with what looked like green bathroom sealant.

And the paint was so thin,

you could see the weave of the carbon fibre through it.

All of this made it light. Really light.

It's only a passenger away from a Lotus Elise.

The result is nought to 60 in 3.2 seconds.

And nothing you've seen here tonight can match that.

The power comes from a twin turbo V8.

It's only a three-litre, but my God, it goes!

But what I love is that when you're on the overrun,

just take your foot off the throttle.

Listen, there's these huge bangs

as it just dumps great wads of un-burnt fuel into the exhaust for fun!

Good bang!

And because there was hardly any weight

it just devours the corners,

always hitting the apex.

But when you feel the back end start to go,

you can always catch it, 'cause this lady is not for turning!

Sure, it didn't have the amazing power or sophistication of the McLaren,

but the F40 feels lighter and more agile.

It feels like a wasp buzzing round a rhinoceros.

In fact I think it's not only better than the McLaren,

I think it's better than any of its modern rivals.

Now at this point you probably think I've gone completely mad.

You're almost certainly wondering how an 18-year-old car with see-through paint,

no carpets, and a top speed of only 201

could possibly be better than these two.

Well, let me explain.

You see, in a modern supercar every decision you make

has to go through a kind of electronic committee.

You put your foot down and the onboard computer says,

"Oh, no, hang on a minute. You've got 16 degrees of steering lock on there

"and too much throttle. We're gonna have to get Kofi Annan over.

"Maybe bring Bono in on it.

"See if we can work through some kind of compromise."

Drives you nuts!

In this, there is no electronic overlord.

It doesn't even have power steering or traction control.

I've got Francis Pym on the brakes.

I've got John Nott on the steering.

I've got Keith Joseph on the gearbox.

Just a bunch of yes-men who do exactly what I tell them to do,

when I tell them to do it.

Of course, a modern supercar has

ceramic brakes and sticky, fat tyres.

So you can brake later for corners

and then go through them more quickly.

Round a track, a modern supercar would be faster than this.

But this is so much more fun.

Because it's just road, seat, arse.

The end.

You're not seriously going to tell me that

that F40 is a better car than this F60.

Well, it's better-looking. Are we all agreed on that?

The F40 is a better-looking car than the F60.

I agree with you. But a better car?

No, look. The F60 is astonishing.

But there are too many computers in it.

I know what you mean, but there are...

I mean, computers do have their uses. You pointed a few out.

Fuel economy, environment, all the rest of it.

They do have their uses, but which would you rather do?

Would you rather play football on a PlayStation

or get out there and play it for real?

On a PlayStation.

Right, that's a bad example. I'd rather do that as well.

Okay, let me put it this way.

Whenever you go karting, okay... You're indoor karting.

Have you ever been in the kart and thought,

"I wish this thing had traction control."

You never do, and that's what this is.

It's a go-kart with a twin turbo V8 engine at the back.

And the best thing about it is

is that it gives other motorists, at the traffic lights, hope.

'Cause it's got turbo lag.

As you pull away, you can keep up with it.

And you can turn to your wife and say,

"We're keeping up with that Ferrari."

And she'll look up and go, "What Ferrari, dear?"

"No, no. There was one now."

As it's just gone.

No, it's a fabulous, wonderful, joyous experience to drive...

To drive one of those.

I think it's the best supercar ever made.

But let's be honest, this one will be faster.

- Round the track. - Yeah.

Not just faster than the F40.

I have a suspicion it'll be faster, too,

than the Porsche Carrera GT which did 1:19.8.

So to find out let's hand it over

to the dark side of the Stig.

And away he goes.

Right, now this is the big one for the Stig.

Can he set the fastest time ever round our track with it?

Look how flat it is through that corner!

It's not rolling at all. That's unbelievable.

He's having to fight it a bit.

Pink Floyd of course.

Kind of had to be, really.

And round Chicago.

Listen to that sound.

Right, breaking down into the hammerhead.

Twitching there, under-braking.

Keeping it tight, trying to correct the understeer

with a lot of power.

And still no roll!

Right, here we go. He's gonna have to lift for the follow-through.

There's no way he's gonna go flat-out through there.

Not in that, not in a million years.

Boy, I see him moving the tyres with the air

that thing's displacing!

Right, fastest part of the track.

Probably up to about 140, 150

as he goes into the second to last corner.

Very nice and tidy through there.

And across the line!

Well?

Go on.

He's got 1:19.8 to beat.

That's what the Carrera GT did.

He did it in 1...

Well, yeah. It would.

Nineteen...

- Dead. - Whoa! That's it!

That is the new fastest ever lap.

That could be there for a while.

We don't know of another car in the pipeline,

with the exception of the Bugatti Veyron, which may never happen,

which is ever gonna be able to beat that.

We just can't think of a thing that's coming

that could get close to that time.

That's unbelievable.

So then, Mr F40 fan.

Going home tonight, you could take your car.

But if you could take either one

would it still be the F40?

Oh, no question. I'd get home quicker in the F60. No question.

But I would take the F40.

- You like it that much? - I really do.

I just think that the cars made when Mrs Thatcher was around,

they were more fun.

They just were. And the roads were quieter.

And there were no speed cameras.

It's just a shame she's gone mad, really.

Anyway, that's it. Thank you very much for watching, and goodnight!

Subtitles modified from MTOD transcript Ripped by GLUE of QxR Edited/corrected for TGCC v2 by AlexGRFan97