Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Orel, and I'm only four years old at this point.

Hi, Orel, I'm Little Doughy.

Aren't I cuter than eight years from now, probably?

Hey, guys, I'm Tommy.

I'll be older someday, too, if anyone cares.

Hi, I'm meeting you for the first time, and my name is...

Hey, we're all meeting for the first time.

I wonder if we'll be friends and have crazy things happen to us.

Yay!

Oh, hey, Orel, be careful up there on that thing.

Why?

Will I get hurt?

No, it's the kind of thing that's up so high

that you'll never fall or get hurt from it.

That's great news!

Whoops, it seems like I just felt like I got hurt.

Well, that can't happen, right?

Um, right.

Maybe you should go up there and walk off and not fall again.

Good idea!

Then again I can't get hurt!

Sweet heavens!

Come on, let's get this done.

Oh dear!

That's the ticket.

Oh my!

Oh me!

Oh God!

No!

Not in vain!

Don't use the Lord's name in... Oh!

Deary!

Deary!

Oh, Clay!

Oh, Clay's wife is what I meant!

Oh yeah!

Oh my!

Oh yeah!

That worked!

What worked?

You're a real curious one, aren't ya?

Yes!

Aren't ya?

I am!

Yes you are!

Yes I am!

Gotta go buddy!

Now, in the middle of giggling?

Mmm, I'm late for being too early for something.

Oh, you better go then.

Hi mom!

Hi dad!

Oh, you're not my dad!

This is Coach Stopframe, Orel.

He'll be your gym coach when you start school at Diorama Elementary.

Oh!

Hi!

Why are you dressed like that?

I was just showing your mom how naked you'll be when you take showers after class.

Neato!

Mmm, trusting kid. He'll make a good brother.

Huh, huh.

What?

Oh God.

Oh, what?

What?

You heard me.

But it can't be!

This thing has 450 megablocks!

Dr. Potterswheel says I'm a little over a month in.

Oh, Lustguard!

Why didn't I get you sooner?

I can't have two kids.

Oh, please!

You know very well that two kids are easier to neglect than one.

I don't neglect!

I'm a great dad!

Look!

You didn't win that.

You bought it.

That's how much you know!

You can't just buy these things without confidence!

If you're so confident, then why are you always hiding in your study?

Because it's the only place Orel isn't allowed to go, ding-a-ling!

Well, it seems like the study is the perfect place to lecture and spank him.

Spank?

You're not even worth it.

Not worth it?

Ugh!

Why would I lecture that kid?

So I can teach him things?

Well, it is high time you told him anything.

Ever.

Especially about God.

Don't worry.

I'll start telling him things eventually.

But for now, I think we should keep Orel away from your sickness.

I'll send him to my father's in Sinville for eight months.

But you haven't talked to him in years.

I know!

It's perfect!

Where is Orel?

Where would a four-year-old like that ever be?

I don't know.

Hey, Orel!

You're still really cold!

I am?

Gosh!

I better bundle up even more!

Yeah.

You better, Orel.

Thanks, pal!

I needed that!

Wow!

He's so stupid!

Oh!

Hello, boys!

You're not sinning, are you?

S-s-s-sinning?

No, Miss Censordoll.

We're just making fun of and torturing our friends!

Oh, good.

Carry on.

Phew!

I'm glad we weren't doing anything God would hate.

Who?

Nothing, Orel.

Orel Puppington doesn't know who God is?

How did that one fall through the cracks, hmm?

Anyway, it's so cold.

You should take this hammer and hit yourself in the head with it.

Okay!

Hey, Dad.

Guess what?

I'm really cold and I'm stupid and if I climb a ledge and jump off...

Yeah, yeah, get in the car.

You're going to your grandpa's for a while.

Oh, boy!

What's a grandpa?

And another thing.

Other people are always really nice and helpful and always tell me things.

That's all they do.

Tell, tell, tell, tell.

They're always things I never knew about.

Other people are nothing like moms or dads.

They tell me things.

Tell, tell, tell, tell, tell, tell, tell.

Get off of my property!

Okay, Grandpa!

Grandpa?

Uh, you are my grandpa, right?

If that's your dad racing the hell away from

me, then I think it's pretty damn likely.

Then I hell think it's damn likely, too!

Well, what do they call you?

Um, mostly Orel.

I'm going to live here for a while.

Okay, Orel.

So, I suppose we should start being together.

Okay, you first!

Hehehehehe.

Whoa.

What are they, Grandpa?

You don't know what chickens are?

Sure!

Chickens come from the refrigerator!

Well, these chickens come from nature.

Wow!

What's nature?

Moralton.

Giddyup! Giddyup! Giddyup! Giddyup! Giddyup! Giddyup!

Orel, come on now.

Get off.

Why is the horse on the ground like that?

Well, son, it's because she's about to have a baby.

Wow!

So babies come from horses, huh?

I always wondered.

Are you sure she's just not sick from eating

that little horse she's pooping out right now?

Skipping along.

What could go wrong?

Doop-da-doop-da-doop.

Here's your lemonade!

Orel, are you crazy?

You'll fall and get hurt.

So it's not one of those high places where you can't fall and not get hurt?

No!

Do they make those kind of fancy high places over in Moralton?

Yeah, there was one.

Of course, it sure looked and sounded and felt like I fell and got hurt.

But my friend said I didn't.

Orel, I'm a thousand damn feet tall.

Wow!

Whoa!

So, you believe me just like that?

Sure!

Why wouldn't I?

Grandpa, am I stupid?

Well, Orel, as crazy as this sounds, I'd like to think you're not.

But my friends back at home said I was.

Well, I say you're not.

Great!

I mean, I do have proof if you want.

What's proof?

Well, it's a fact to make sure that something's true.

Oh.

Okay.

What's your proof that I'm not dumb, Grandpa?

Well, Orel, do you remember how I said chickens were made?

Yeah, nature.

That's right!

And that makes you not stupid.

Yay!

But Orel, Orel, sometimes people lie.

Lie?

You don't know that word either, huh?

Lies are things that aren't real.

Oh.

You know, you have faith in people.

Wow!

I have a faith?

Yeah, forget I used that word.

How do you feel about God?

Who?

God?

You don't know what God is?

Nope!

But I can't wait to find out!

Maybe later.

Okay!

Yellow!

Censordoll here.

I've been keeping an eye on your son, Mayor.

It seems that he knows nothing of our Lord yet.

Um... Yeah.

Don't worry about it.

You know that kid.

He believes anything.

I don't want to just throw God in there with everything else.

I'm just waiting, you know, for the right time to tell him so...

so that it, you know, resonates with him.

When I'm through with him, he's gonna be a super Christian!

Well, let's hope so.

You know, Puppington, we wouldn't want your next elections to be...

Now, Orel, before your dad gets here, you remember what I said about proof, right?

Yep!

Never trust until there's proof.

Exactly.

That's great!

Because trusting is the best thing in the world!

Yay!

Trust!

Okay, reel it in, son.

Oh.

Okay!

Just know... that you can always trust me.

I know, Grandpa.

Because I don't need proof to trust you.

And why is that?

Because you're my grandpa!

I'm gonna trust...

I'm gonna trust... Hurry, Orel!

Get in!

Quick!

I'm gonna trust... And be suspicious and cruel...

Get in!

Here it comes!

Oh, no!

I bet it's got another mouth!

Dad!?

Who is that baby and what's he doing inside my mom!?

Maybe I better leave.

No, no, no, Doc.

You're a doctor.

You might be able to explain things to him.

Uh, this is more of a family matter.

Bye-bye.

Oh, wait.

Come back.

I'm a little confused because Grandpa said babies come

from horses, but it looks like they all come from Mom.

Why?

Teach him thing.

Um, Orel.

I think I need to tell you something.

You do, Dad.

Finally tell something to me.

Whoa.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keep it in your pants.

Keep what in my pants, Dad?

Okay.

Here we go.

This is it.

All right.

Listen carefully, Orel.

Orel.

My boy?

Son?

Yeah?

Your old man's got something to say.

Oh, golly.

Here it comes.

God!

Huh?

God.

God!

God?

God is where babies come from.

Everything comes from God.

God is someone that we Christians never see, but he's the answer to everything.

And all we need to do is make him happy.

Always.

But if we can't see him, how can there be proof that he's there?

Proof?

- Now where did you hear... - Grandpa!

Grandpa.

I see.

Putty, Puppington.

Wake up the town.

Emergency sermon.

What's going on, Dad?

I need some rest.

You can rest later.

We're all going to church.

Yay!

What's church?

What do I do, Dad?

Alright, this is important.

Just do what everyone else does.

Hey, none of that.

It's about to start.

What?

What was it?

Oh, yeah.

Proof in God.

Well, la-dee-da.

Aren't we a fancy congregation?

While you're at it, don't forget to polish your

frilly top hats and curl your shiny girdles.

Who are you to demand proof in God?

I'll tell you.

There's no better way to be God-proof than to demand proof of that guy.

See how I turned that around?

Anyway, God doesn't have to prove anything.

I think creating the world, and birds, and those flying lizards... Water!

He thought of water!

You try and think of water!

Can't do it, can ya?

Bunch of jerks.

Also, do you think he just lazily lies?

Lies?

Lies are things that aren't real.

Lies around and does nothing all day?

What if God is alive?

What?

What if God is alive?

Amen!

Amen!

Go with God.

See you later.

Come on, move it, move it, move it.

All right, you little runt!

What do you mean by heckling me up there?

Well, I... The congregation doesn't chime in.

This isn't soul food town, you know.

What's your name, punk?

Orel.

Orel.

Okay, weird name.

No one questions me, no one questions God, see?

But it's just that I need proof.

Proof?

Told ya.

You want proof?

Look at that!

Where do you think that thing came from?

Uh, nature?

Now where did you learn that word?

Grandpa!

That guy.

Why?

It seems the boy's been getting some erroneous information from elsewhere.

Bring him to the library.

It's time for this little man to be scared sacred.

Oh, boy!

Now, young man, have you ever heard of a place called...

Hell?

No?

But what's wrong with Reverend Putty?

Fran, you are terrific at this.

Ugh.

Hell is a horribly hot and homo-erotic place where bad little boys go

who questioned God.

Homo-erotic?

Hell is worse than I thought.

Oh!

So, that's where I'll go to get proof!

There's that word again!

God doesn't have to prove things to you, you have to prove things to God!

I do?

Yes, and if you don't, you'll suffer the fate of Abraham.

No, not him!

Who's he?

Oh, God, please don't ask that.

He was someone from the Old and Worst Testament.

And Abraham didn't even question God.

But God still made him take his son to the...

altar...

This is a grade-A nail-biter!

And killed him!

Ugh!

Gosh!

That's how he proved to the Lord that he loved him.

Platonically, of course.

So, what happened?

What happened?

I'm sweating bullets here!

Well, God stopped Abe from killing his son at the last minute.

Which was a little too nice of him, if you ask me.

Oh, phew!

Ditto.

I mean, amen!

So, no more proof-of-God talk, understand?

Yep!

God needs proof from me!

Hmm.

You can go now.

Well, we fixed that!

Well, I hope you were scared into learning everything you needed to know.

Sure was!

Wait!

What?

Prayers!

What are prayers?

Ugh!

Scared sacred.

Prayers are a one-way talk with God.

Really?

Yeah, kneel down, put your hands together, and thank God for people in your life.

Like you?

Right.

And Mom?

Yeah.

And Grandpa?

No, no, no, no!

Not, not everyone.

Just thank God for everything good in your life.

And, and you put everything your grandfather ever said out of your head.

Remember that, then you won't go to Hell.

Aw.

Hell is bad.

Oh.

Now say your prayers.

Dear God, uh... Hi!

Nice to meet you!

I, I suppose you must be a really good God not to have to prove

anything ever to anyone, while we prove everything to you!

Congratulations on that!

Goodbye!

Hmm.

Dear Grandpa, I won't be writing you anymore because

my dad says you're bad and shouldn't be trusted.

Sorry about that.

My dad and everyone here in Moralton is teaching me about God, and how I shouldn't

ask for proof, and just prove that I am loyal to him, which I'm gonna do with

Shapey, the same way Abraham did with his son.

And when God stops me, then me and God will be best friends!

Your grandson, Orel.

I didn't touch her!

How can I have another cl... Have a cigar, buddy.

I just became a secret daddy to something that is

gonna bring me really close to a very special person.

Pink?

Did you have a girl?

Having a girl is the only way you can make a baby, fella.

Look at Orel the sissy!

Where are you taking your baby, sissy?

It's sissy.

Orel.

I'm gonna kill him!

For God!

Now we're talking!

Shhh!

Oh God, I have faith in you!

Watch!

No!

Wait!

Grandpa!

God stopped me!

What?

Through you!

Mr. Puppington!

You better take Orel to the station while I go find Mr. Puppington!

Oh, all this excitement has given me a splitting knife ache.

Ah.

Well, I'll drive Orel back once he's done in there.

You can go ahead and walk home with the baby.

I'll be fine.

I blame myself for how you treated Orel.

Orel is doing fine-ish.

Well, I have to admit, I was kind of surprised he didn't know about God for so

long in this God-forsaken, God-fearing town.

Why?

I didn't have the confidence to answer any of his questions.

Let alone talk about God.

Because I felt worthless.

You're not even worth it.

Not worth it?

But now I know that's the answer to every one of his questions!

I never want you to see Orel again.

So you see, Orel, it's bad being bad.

So don't be bad.

Okay!

Thanks for the punishment malt, Officer Papermouth.

Why enjoy!

Grandpa!

You're still here!

Orel!

What did I say?

Oh, yeah.

Grandpa is bad and shouldn't be trusted.

That's right.

Good boy, son.

Good boy.

You're not out of trouble quite yet, young man.

I want to see you in my study.

Oh, boy!

I get to go in your study!

Yippee!

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup.

Dear Orel, always remember, son, even though you are

the perfect candidate for brainwashing in this town.

You are also too pure and good-hearted to be corrupted.

Love, Grandpa.

Now, son, I hope you've learned your lesson.

I sure did, Dad.

From now on, I'm never going to do anything

to prove to God that I'm loyal ever again.

I'm just going to trust that God trusts that I trust in Him.

All right.

You do that, Orel, we'll never have any problems, ever.

Oh, boy!

I can't wait!