Original subtitles

What are we doing?

Are we even working out?

Of course we are. Just because we're not sweating doesn't mean we're not getting

a good workout.

That's the kind of answer I'd expect from the owner of an Angela Lansbury

workout video.

Ready? Flip.

Ew.

My ball smells.

Smell my ball.

Smell your own ball.

Well, if I could do that, I'd be the happiest girl on earth.

I don't know what that means.

Hey, losers, how you doing? Come on, up, up, up. We're here to work out. Let's

go. Let's stake it.

Let's what?

Stake it. Stake it. You gotta stake it.

Stop saying stake it. What's stake it?

Stake it is my workout catchphrase, and in addition to being a motivational

tool, it is also a stylistic flourish that sets me apart.

It doesn't even mean anything. Okay, you two figure this out. I'm gonna go work

on my glutes. Meaning you're gonna go sit at the juice bar? Yep.

Now, you can laugh at stake it now, but when it becomes my dynamite, or my

Lego my ego, or my hey, hey, hey, then you're... he'll

be laughing because... Wait, wait, wait.

What's that guy?

That guy?

Um, I don't know. He's that guy.

You know, what's his name?

Generic McPlane rap.

No, I know him. I just... I mean, not from the gym. From someplace else.

Oh, who cares? Well, probably from some law case where you said blah and he said

blah and a judge said blah and ten people died of boredom.

No, I could swear.

I... Oh!

Oh!

I'm done.

You slept with that guy? No, just fooled around.

But he's a six. He's a seven. He's a five. He's a six. So... It was just one

time, you know. I'd just broken up with Michael. He was my rebound guy.

Remember? I met him at the, um... Cuddle bum?

That's cuddle bum?

God,

it was so awful to him. You know, he kept calling and calling, and I just

blew him off.

Wait, tell me that story again. How does it go? Tell me again. No, well, forget

it. Fine, then I'll tell Cuddlebum you're here. It was winter.

He didn't have any heat in his apartment. We were lying there, and he

said, Will, I'm cold. Would you... cuddle me bum?

When he comes in the gym, what are you gonna do?

Everything's tainted.

That Frigidaire has been in every piece of equipment in this place.

I'm not gonna do anything, all right? I'm a grown-up. He's a grown-up. If we

run into each other, we'll just act like grown-ups.

Excuse me, don't I know you? No, I don't think so. Come on.

Okay, I just gave a homeless guy a quarter, and now I'm pretty sure it was

Johnny Depp.

Can you call the maintenance guy and tell him the door keeps sticking? I hate

having to reset it every time.

No, honey, I'm watching these burly movers clear out the office next door.

They're moving out? I've always wanted that space.

Have they rented it yet?

ever opened up, I would rent it, break through that wall, and expand my

business.

Oh, honey, you have a dream.

You know, I have a dream, too.

To be rich and beautiful and have a great body. Oh, look, my dream came

true.

I just wish this weren't happening right now when I'm so low on cash.

God, why did I give Johnny Depp that quarter?

Why don't you just ask me for the money? I mean, come on. I'd give you the loan

in a second.

Really? Are you sure?

Well, of course I'm sure, honey. All you have to do is ask.

Okay.

Karen, would you loan me the money?

Well, I'll have to see a presentation.

What?

Grace, I don't know what your business is.

You do?

I mean... For all I know, you could be using the money to buy Ms. Pac-Man

machines and pizza ovens.

Karen, this isn't Chuck E. Cheese.

You know that I'm a designer.

All I know is there's a pizza here every day at noon.

I'm not going to pitch myself to you. It's insulting.

I would rather try and get a loan from a bank.

I am going to get that loan.

And not just because I'm a smart, successful businesswoman who's run her

own design firm for five years, but also because I'll be wearing something see

-through.

Here's my loan application, some information about the business, and my

profit and loss statements for the past five years.

I think you'll be very impressed.

I know that I am.

Monday morning, going to the presentation?

I'll see you at the crack of noon and wear something sheer.

Sorry, you gonna use the 30s?

Actually, I was gonna use the 35s.

Doesn't matter anyway, because I was gonna use the 40s.

Who am I kidding? I was gonna use the 30s. Thank God, because I'm going for

the 15s.

I'm Kurt.

I'm Will.

I'd shake your hand, but it looks kind of heavy.

Woo-yah!

Oh, sorry.

It's just a little thing I do to keep me going.

Really?

Woo-yah.

Where'd you pick that up? The remainder's been at lame phrases are us?

I know, it's not great, but I haven't found anything that works as good.

Oh, my God.

This is total serendipity, too.

I have just the phrase you're looking for. Yeah? Yeah, whenever you need that

extra burst of energy, all you have to say is... Stake it!

Stake it! Exactly. What?

I'll see you there tonight around 8. Great.

Will, this is terrible. This is horrible. Did you see that guy that was

just here? We were going out tonight. How great is that?

Someone has stolen steak. I was on the treadmill about to steak it. And this

personal trainer out of nowhere yelled, steak it. Do you want to hear about this

guy I just met?

So I went up to her and I said...

I said, excuse me, I don't mind you using stake it, but you do know that

it's my catchphrase. And she said she's been saying stake it for years. That her

sister's ex-boyfriend invented stake it in Chicago in 1994 while working at a

plastic factory.

But how can that be? Okay, Jack.

I don't know what to say. I'm outraged. We are not going to let her get away

with this. We are going to slap such a lawsuit on her, she won't know what hit

her.

Yeah.

Yeah. Wow.

Thanks, Will. Yeah, either that or I'll pants you in public. Let's go with that.

Hey, Kurt, it's me, Will, again.

I'm just calling again to tell you what a great time I had the other night.

Again. Still love to hear from you. You got my home number, my office, my pager,

my cell.

I guess that's it. Although my CB handle is Big Willie.

Oh, crap.

Hey, buddy.

I couldn't help overhearing because I was standing here listening.

But these incessant phone calls have got to stop.

I mean, it's been a week. Have some dignity. Start stalking him.

Everything's fine. He's probably just out of town.

Or you're being blown off. Jake, that is not possible.

We had a great time together. A guy who's blowing you off does not go off

the zone just to share a brioche pudding with you.

He went off the zone for you?

God, that line's older than this is the first time I've ever done this with a

man.

No, I'm telling you, he's not blowing me off. Hey, hey, come on. Let's go ask

Marcy. She knows all the gossip here. I swear she's like a female version of Liz

Smith.

Hey, girl, give me some Spritz.

Yeah!

Anyway, listen, Marcy, you know that guy that used to come in here around this

time? Is it Kurt?

Oh, yeah, I know Kurt. Yeah.

Well, my friend here, Will, went on a date with him about a week ago. Oh, wow,

are you the nibbler?

Did you party? Well, I heard that the guy Kurt went out with liked to

nibble... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm the nibbler.

He's working out in the afternoon now.

Did he say why?

Maybe he's avoiding you, nibbler.

Maybe you nibbled off a little more than you could chew.

Maybe you stop talking like that.

Maybe you'll tell me what happens if I don't. Maybe I tell the management that

wasn't a documentary you were shooting in the locker room.

Maybe I'll stop now.

So, Mrs. Walker, there you have it.

The business plan, my mission statement, and an essay on why I insist on keeping

my hair this way.

So, in conclusion, the Grace Adler Designs expansion project not only will

benefit Grace Adler Designs, but it will fulfill the dream.

of your friend, Grace Adler.

Thank you.

Oh, honey.

That was a wonderful presentation. I mean it. Wow. Really, A+. Whew.

Thanks, Kara. So what do you say? Do I get the loan?

No. What?

love to let you out but before I do I

think I'm gonna need to see a presentation on why I should

hey

Kurt where you been oh yeah I've been really busy yeah it feels like even

avoiding me No, I haven't been avoiding you.

Look, I gotta go. I'll call you.

Don't, don't, don't. Don't do that.

Don't lie. Not here.

This is a gym.

This is gay church.

Okay, look, I've sort of been avoiding you.

To be honest, I just got out of a relationship, and you were kind of my

rebound guy.

So what? You were using me?

I wouldn't call it using you. What would you call it?

Well, I don't know. Sort of a gay catch-and-release program.

Sorry. See ya.

Gal, see if I nibble you again. Your neck tastes like vinegar.

I'm guessing.

Oh, Will, I just heard what happened between you and Kurt.

That was two seconds ago.

She's that good.

I guess what goes around comes around.

Who's talking about it? Well, Kurt blew you off like you blew your guy off. Oh,

that is totally different.

He was a six, and I'm... I'm an idiot.

I'm sorry.

Are you bummed?

Yeah.

But... are you... cuddle bummed?

i'm listening why do you deserve to be out in the world among decent

people

That's Norma Ra-

I'm too soft-hearted to watch you suffer.

So I'm going to the movies later.

Mitchell?

Uh, do I know you?

It's Will Truman. We went out once, like, four years ago.

Will Truman?

I seem to remember an answering machine by that name.

Look, I just, I want to say I'm sorry.

You know, we went out. I never called you back. Of course I remember you. I...

I cuddled your bum.

Well, why didn't you return my calls?

You know, I thought we had a good time.

I wasn't all that confident to begin with. You know, you made me feel like I

was no better than a seven.

Oh, Mitchell, come on. You are... You are not a seven.

Look, I just got out of a relationship, and I was lonely. I didn't think I could

handle anything more than one night, so...

I'm sorry.

Well, better late than never, I suppose.

Will, I got it.

What? Steak at UK.

It's brilliant, it's British, I'm back.

So, uh, how have you been?

Oh, pretty good.

After you and I had our thing, I met someone, and we've been together ever

since.

Well, okay, we broke up for a bit recently, but he had a fling with

someone, sent him running back to me. Oh, good.

So happy ending.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, he's here now. Kurt, come here. I want you to meet someone.

Wait,

you and Cuddle Boom? Wait, you and the Nibbler? Wait, you and Clammy Hands?

Clammy Hands?

Hey, come on, you guys. Steak at UK.

Have you thought of anything else to... Hello?

winter housing starts, the negligible impact of the recent interest rate cuts,

decline in occupancy rates and corporate office space. It just seems to me that a

smaller company will be better equipped to respond to shifting market forces,

but I guess you probably already knew that.

I know where the market is.

Come on, honey. That's why I didn't want to give you the loan.

Stay small.

Lean, mean, and flat.

I don't care. Why didn't you just say all of this in the first place?

Because expanding this pizza parlor was your dream.

I didn't want to just poo on that.

It's better that you just think I didn't give you the money because I'm mean.

I don't care.

That's sweet.

Get out of here.