Original subtitles

Stick a bunny in me pocket.

I'll fetch the suitcase from the van.

Cause if you are the best ones but you don't ask questions, then brother,

I'm your man.

Cause where it all comes from is a mystery.

It's like the changing of the seasons and the tides of the sea.

But here's the one who's driving me berserk.

Why do...

Yeah, I was watching that.

Only Fools and Horses is one of Britain's most loved shows on TV.

Lovely jubbly.

64 episodes were made between 1981 and 2003.

And it's still watched and laughed at by millions of us every week.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get the dukes of acid.

With every line written by just one man.

The success of Fools and Horses can be summed

up with two words and it's John Sullivan.

The story of Derek Trotter's life is the story of John Sullivan's creative genius.

I don't think anybody really touches John for being able to make you laugh.

And being able to make you cry.

It's time next year.

Happy millionaires.

Celebrating the wonderful comedy world of John Sullivan, we'll be getting the inside

story on the Trotters from the horse's mouth.

I was nearly fired because of that scene.

Oi!

I said to John, you can't use this.

Come on, get him off!

We've also recreated some of the sets, reunited cast members

and have talked to some of the show's most famous fans.

One of the incredible things about Fools and

Horses is that you could grow up watching it.

I can't remember a time before I watched only Fools and Horses.

It's really, really, really the best.

Over the next hour, we're going to be looking into the Trotters' deals... Shit!

...and misdemeanors.

What do you do, mug Mr. T?

As well as showing you a rare live sketch, the

Trotters performed in front of the royal family.

See you, junkie!

So sit back and enjoy the definitive story of Only Fools and Horses, the show which

has given us some of the most memorable moments in British comedy.

Of course, that's just comedy.

I mean, it doesn't really happen in real life.

But it's not supposed to happen in real life.

Granddad?

Still hasn't got it right.

Fools and horses work la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la.

Come on, girls, the thirtieth Spanish orange is just in from Seville.

They're fresh, then?

Fresh?

Fresh?

They were playing catch the next this morning, my darling.

Behind the dodgy deals and hokey hoodwinking in

the show was invariably one man, Del Boy Trotter.

Authentic French nylon tights, all right?

As worn by Sacha De Stel's mum.

No shoes on... From selling trashy tat... Yeah, nothing but the best.

..to doomed dealings... Trotter's ethnic chores.

Del had an eye for turning a quick pound.

I think it's exuberance for a thing, whatever it was.

The Inframax deep penetration massager.

He would be able to sell it cos this is it, this is it.

This time next year, we're going to be millionaires.

I thought, you've got to follow me, come with me.

Right, Natalie, guess what I've got here?

No, go on.

Ta-da!

Ha-ha!

Wigs!

When he was so busy trying to make a success out of duff, rubbishy gear...

I remember lots of them cos I was the poor sap who

had to go out and sell them more often than not.

Now, all this equipment here is manufactured by the one

country that leads the world in alpine clothing, namely Fiji.

We used to have some wonderful lines.

Fire-damaged walks.

They are China cats that play How much is that doggy in the window?

Georgian digital alarm clocks.

I will tell anyone who keeps still long enough, John Sullivan was a genius.

Brought up in Balham, next-door neighbour of Peckham, writer John Sullivan's early

life was traditionally working class, something

he shared with the man who was to become Del Boy.

John was working class from, say, South London,

and I was brought up working class in North London.

There was an awful lot of things that John and I recognised in each other.

There were things like if it fell off the back of a truck, you know, it was OK.

How would you like to buy a genuine mink coat for 50 quid?

No, no, it's not Ben.

Now, the reason why it's so cheap is because it's Ethiopian mink.

Ethiopian.

Yeah, I got this contact in Babylon.

Hooky gear.

You know, hooky was like, you know, hooking it back.

It's a bit hooky.

You know, it's not quite straight.

It's like, you know, a bit bent, really.

What's all this other stuff doing here anyway?

Oh, er, we collect things.

It's a really hard thing to do criminality because people are strangely touchy about

it, but there's a line you cross over and they say, well, that's not funny.

I think John Sullivan knew where the line was.

Del Boy's the victim of most of his own crimes, isn't he?

He doesn't get away with anything in the end.

He's not smart enough, really.

Tell us the truth.

Are the police looking for these things, Trink?

No, they're not, Del.

And that's the truth.

Why are you hiding it under the table, then?

Well, cos you never know when they're going to start looking for them, do you?

We went to a great deal of trouble not to overstep the mark.

Regular market traders are known for their attention-grabbing stunts...

..and rapid rattle sales pattern.

Don't waste all your money on food and clothes

when you can have flowers in the garden.

So Del, selling hooky gear without a licence, had to make sure he could draw a crowd.

John had very cleverly written this little ditty

I used in the show to gather the audience round.

I've come here to sell my wares.

I haven't come to be laughed at, chaffed at or generally mucked about.

These are guaranteed to cure hardcore, softcore and pimples on the tongue.

Right, now... And this is none of your Japanese or your German rubbish.

No, sir, this is actually made in Albania.

When I first saw Only Fools & Horses coming on, the authenticity of it really hit us.

When I was growing up, ten minutes from Pekka, your front door would go...

And somebody would say, erm, is your dad in?

Cos we've got jeans.

Tell him Val's got jeans.

Cos my dad could knock stuff like that out.

You know that overcoat you sold me dad?

Yeah.

It's got a great big lump in the back.

Of course, it's genuine camel hair, innit?

There was always a deal going on.

I mean, even when I was a kid, I remember I used to work in a place

called Morgan's Food Fair and there was a sugar shortage at one stage, so the

butcher came to me and said, get me some sugar, I'll give you some pork chops.

I said, fair enough.

And I was not very good at that.

And I was so panicking, as I went to get the sugar down, I dropped the bag,

the whole bag of sugar, all of them smashed open on the floor.

I got in trouble for smashing the sugar anyway and I never got those pork chops,

which I think, looking back, was sort of a Del Boy moment.

I'd rather have shingles in these nice and forks.

At least you can get rid of shingles.

Come on, come on, quickly!

For Del, the streets of south London are the shop floor.

The flat in Nelson Mandela House, the stockroom.

We've got 50 pirated versions of the Poseidon adventure, all on Betamax.

Every time an episode starts of Only Fools and Horses, you know the latest scam,

because there are the boxes of whatever it is in the background in the living room.

Del, these dolls aren't called Barbie or Cindy.

These dolls are called Lusty Linda and Erotic Estelle.

You can't have dolls with names like that!

You can if you go to the right shops.

Ah, jeez!

We had to doctor them slightly so they didn't look quite so rude.

I seem to remember us sticking sticky tape over certain

areas to make them look a little bit more pre-watershed.

Rodney, look at this, these things.

They sell for 60 quid each, don't they?

And these ones are self-inflating deluxe models for the more discerning weirdo.

It's just casually dropped that it's self-inflating, you know, and the line

self-inflating is funny and you laugh at it.

But because you've laughed at it, you don't

realise you've taken in important information.

That'll pay off later on.

Let me just have a look at that magazine now.

Just go on, hang on.

Don't give me!

John used to be very clever at placing a line or two here and then what we call

paying it off, like a couple of pages later.

What is that funny sound?

I don't know.

What are you looking at me for?

It's that great description that someone said of good writing.

It's a combination of the surprising and the inevitable.

What's happening?

What's happening on me?

The audience get the surprise of them doing it, but also the look of them.

So you get a sort of double whammy there.

Hurry up, then, it's all clear.

LAUGHTER While the scene was filmed on location in Bristol, unfortunately for

lusty Linda and erotic Estelle, they never made it back to the BBC props department.

I got back to my hotel room to find seven inflatable sex toys super glued to various

parts of my hotel room with all the valves glued in so I couldn't deflate them.

I looked out at my hotel room, looked up and down the corridor,

I called the lift and I put two in the lift.

And I just left them.

Hold up, hold up.

Good evening, Gary.

Good evening, Clayton.

Good evening, Rodney.

Good evening, Mr Cooper.

Good evening, ladies.

What, what evening?

So I'm sorry to the hotel chain in Bristol.

It was me.

Back in the 80s.

I'm so sorry about that.

Blame John Sullivan.

I just needed some sleep.

Here we go.

Oh, dear.

Coming up after the break, we discover a lock-up full of Del's old hooky gear.

I can't believe it's the original, but you're going to tell me it is.

And a very special live performance from the

Trotters in front of a very special audience.

Is that you, junkie?

LAUGHTER

Welcome back to the story of Only Fools and Horses.

Loads of buns, Roders, loads of buns.

Del bought and sold some dodgy gear over the

years, which kept the BBC props department busy.

And once filming is over, what happens to all the Russian camcorders, Trotters,

crash turbans and dolls, which sing Chinese lullabies?

LAUGHTER Ending up in the storage unit in Bux is one likely conclusion.

Chairman of the Only Fools and Horses Appreciation Society, Perry Aghajanov,

has been collecting props and memorabilia from the show since 1987 and has the

largest collection of hooky gear in existence.

Good grief.

How long does it take you to get all this stuff?

30 years in the making.

30 years in the making.

Look, it's all hooky gear, isn't it?

Quality of j'ai d'art, I prefer.

Pull the other one.

Oh, now, look.

I remember this.

This is one of my favourite props.

I don't know why it was my favourite.

It's because it appeared in the foreground of so many shots.

This is a real deal.

Yeah.

That is the original cookie jar.

It's one of the few things that's been in every single episode since 1981.

Sorry, go on, you were saying, what was you saying?

I vaguely remember this.

Some of the stuff was so funny.

The cat here that sang... How much is that doggy in the window?

This is... North Korea's finest porcelain.

And the punchline was, well, what do you want for a fiver?

This doesn't work.

Typical Dell boy.

Doesn't work.

I've often wondered how much it hurt when it went up your nose.

I had to trick that so that you pressed it and it went...

HE MUMBLES Like that.

I do the things that we've done for comedy, I tell you.

How many of these bottles have you got?

I've got four.

And I've got two at home.

Oh, you've got two?

I thought you had one.

No, I've got two.

You're in my little book cos I haven't won.

No, two, but I could only have one if people want to purchase it.

Now, there's so much fond memories that you've got collected away here.

There's something that's just caught my eye.

And I can't believe it's the original.

But you're going to tell me it is.

And it's in a frying pan where I threw it.

Say, that was life's lucky dip.

What I would like... Do I love it?

Just go.

Ta-da!

There it is, look.

That is going to change our lives.

It won't, will it, no?

There it is.

This is the one that made them a millionaire.

The Harrison Lesser Watch.

There was actually three in the show, and that's the one that was used in the

auction rooms towards the end of the episode.

That was actually auctioned off early 2000s.

I mean, back in the day, I was the only one really collecting all this stuff,

and I was off there like a rocket and won it.

Dare I ask how much you paid for it?

It was quite reasonable at the time.

I would have paid more, put it that way.

So that means, no, he's not going to tell us, is he?

What exactly did it go for?

Oh, um...

..6.2 million.

So that's...

..just over 3 million each.

Well, we've had worse days.

All of this is, you know, the most part of Derek Trotter's style of living,

wasn't it?

Reject stuff, stuff that didn't work, stuff that wasn't any good, hooky gear.

He did go out and work hard.

He'd do anything to earn a crust, only for the family.

But he wasn't just dealing in hooky gear.

Del had lots of fingers in lots of pies.

I was always dreaming up new schemes to get rich quick.

I mean, this is beautiful, innit, mate?

Bet you build a few balls in here, my lady.

What?

In one of the most memorable episodes in British comedy, he convinces Lord and Lady

Ridgemere that the cleaning of their two priceless Louis XIV chandeliers couldn't

be safer than in the hands of the Trotters.

Right-o, Grandad, you pop upstairs and get the floorboards out.

Now, you know what you're doing, don't you?

Don't you worry, Joel, leave it to me.

Right.

Oh, it's a craftsman.

The chandelier episode is true.

It's a true story.

It happened to John's father during the war.

Hey, Grandad, do you want a jemmy?

No, I had one before we left.

John was talking to us about it in the bar, at the BBC bar,

where, you know, all sorts of ideas were floated around.

And we were laughing our heads off and we

said, you've got to write that as an episode.

And I'll never forget, he just put his drink down,

he went, ah, I don't think it's funny enough, is it?

Is it funny enough?

And we went, duh, yes, it's funny enough.

All right, Grandad, we're ready.

You can start undoing it now.

I was nearly fired because of that scene.

It is coming, little boy.

I'm a bit of a giggler when it comes to that sort of stuff.

So Ray Bart, our producer, he came up to me

and he said, this chandelier costs six grand.

We've only got one, we can only afford one.

If you laugh, that's the entire scene blown.

If we blow the scene, the BBC won't buy the series and that will be down to you.

If you laugh, I will fire you.

One more turn, Dale.

All right.

Now brace yourself, little man.

And for 30 seconds, I'm just looking at David.

Except out of the corner of my eye, just down there, is Ray, the man who said,

I will fire you, I promise you I will fire you, going like this...

..until he reached into his big parker, lots of pockets, and he pulled out a

handkerchief and this is right where, just in my eye line.

And he stuffed it down his throat.

Going like that.

And so I held it together for the longest 30 seconds of my life.

And then the clapper went down and they said, cut.

I got down the ladder and the air went blue.

It was the only time I've ever shouted at a producer, cos I'm not stupid.

But he said, we couldn't...

I had to threaten you with being fired because we would have lost the series.

All right, dear boy.

All right?

What do you mean, all right?

Look at it!

Did you drop it, then?

How could we drop it?

We wasn't even holding it!

We was working on that one!

Well, I wish you'd have said something.

I was working on this one.

The joke that John didn't think was funny enough got us his first BAFTA.

Coming up, we reunite David Jason and Tessa Peake-Jones in the Trotter Boudoir.

You don't marry him, do you?

You live in sin!

And find out how John Sullivan first imagined Dilboi should look.

John, to be honest, didn't want David to do it.

This is none of your Taiwan junk.

This was made in Formosa.

Hard to imagine anyone but Sir David Jason as the

wheeling, dealing life force we all know as Dilboi Trotter.

But when John Sullivan created Dell, the physical image he envisaged was

completely different to that of David Jason.

So when I said to John, how did he view Dilboi, he said that he was a typical

market trader, a flat cap and a large beer belly.

John, to be honest, frankly, didn't want David to do it.

Various other names were mooted.

Jim Broadbent, Enra Tell, Ray Bart, our producer.

Talked him into it.

Dil, how do you pronounce that fella's name on the telly?

Sidney Poitier or Sidney Potter?

Personally, I pronounce it Harry Belafonte, but you two please yourself.

Once John Sullivan was convinced they'd found the right man for the role,

the next stage in the development of the character was what would he wear?

I took David out shopping, we went out shopping

together, and found some of the priceless items that...

..that have been immortalised on screen.

Handsome, innit, eh?

LAUGHTER Items of clothing I remember getting.

These shirts called Gabici shirts, Italian.

All right.

A bit sporty.

You know, a little bit leery.

No, don't you say nothing to them, you wally!

I mean, you can't trust the old Bill, can you?

Look at that time when they planted six gas cookers in my bedroom.

I've worked in costume for decades now, and the thing that always happens is

there's this rather magical moment where if you hit on the right costume,

something will happen to the actor's body language, and you

can just feel that the character is beginning to emerge.

Not bad.

I reckon we've done well there.

He had this sheepskin jacket that was all made up out of sort of patchwork squares.

I thought, that's perfect, perfect, perfect.

Good afternoon, madam.

Can I be of any assistance?

Oh, that's awfully nice of you.

Do you know anything about cars?

It just seemed to sum up his character.

I used to drive for the John Player special team.

On the Grand Prix circuit?

No, delivering fags round moose.

Bill's penchant for sophisticated clobber was influenced by a real-life Cockney

character who David Jason worked for as an electrician in the early 60s.

This guy, he was as Cockney as all get-out.

Derek Hockley was his name.

And he talked like that, didn't he?

You know what I mean?

But he dressed like a lord.

That camel-hair coat is exactly what my image of Derek Hockley was.

Morning, Del Boy.

Bonjour, Joycey.

Two half-pints of your finest low-carbohydrate beer.

Thank you, thank you, John.

Do you want it in glasses?

Yes, please, otherwise it dribbles through your fingers.

Del, he'd spend more money than he makes just to keep up his image.

Even when Raquel moved into Nelson Mandela House,

she couldn't dampen Del's inimitable style.

Oh, my God!

We've reunited Tessa Peake-Jones and Sir David Jason

where Raquel and Del spent their most intimate moments.

This rum was Del Boy's taste.

Yes.

Well, you can sort of see that, can't you?

I mean, look, you've got false tiger skin, rugs.

It was typical of the wonderful sense of character.

And I used to enjoy it so much.

It was such good fun.

But that was part of the joy, wasn't it?

And actually, part of the trust of us as a

team was that we could make each other laugh.

Everybody that we had in the team, not only were

they just the best, but they were great people.

Yeah.

Apart from you, of course.

You don't mean that, David!

Do you know, it says here a bloke's supposed to make contact with his feminine side.

Did you know that geezers had feminine sides?

Well, I've read about it.

Look, I wouldn't worry, I don't think it applies to you.

So it was Raquel, was she the first person

ever to be seen with Del Boy in this bedroom?

Yes.

Really?

Oh, yes, cos she was special.

Oh, yeah.

Wasn't she?

Yeah.

He never made an honest woman of her.

No, well, you don't, do you?

I mean, you don't marry him, do you?

No.

You know, it's life, innit?

Mm.

That's what we do down there in Peckham Way.

You have a girlfriend.

You live in sin.

LAUGHTER

John Sullivan may not have made an honest woman out of Raquel, but he was forever

developing the characters and evolving the storylines.

Hold it!

Hold it!

Hold it!

He's Del Boy!

Acutely reflecting the times in which they were set.

Wait, Alex, tell your sister I've got a video recorder.

No, I don't.

I'll tell her to choose her when I go home for tea.

Lovely jubbly.

John's writing was never stuck in Peckham, halfway up a

tower block, with our characters just talking to each other.

They all lived in the real world, and the real world was early Thatcher's Britain.

The early eighties, we were supposed to be

aspirational, and I think John Sullivan sent that up.

I think a lot of people took it very seriously, and we know now where it led.

You see, I wear a trendy trench coat, Gordon Gecko braces.

You wear a lumberjack's coat and Gordon Bennett boots.

The creation of the yuppie syndrome in Britain, Del had to be one of those.

I'm out there on the yuppie tightrope, me.

Nerves on red alert.

I eat on the move a mobile phone in one hand and a pot noodle in the other.

I tried to put you on a mobile phone.

Yeah, that's why Del ended up with an earful of noodles.

He loved his green raincoat and his finer facts.

They were out there at the time, we saw them.

I made a killing today on olive oil.

Gordon knows what Popeye will say when he gets home.

I've got one of these mobile phones, you know?

I smoke cigars, and I'm ahead of the curvier.

Hello.

I'm actually a little bit better than all you people.

Well, of course, he's no better than that, which made it very, very funny.

Look, Rodney, I want to be successful, but not for the money.

I want the power and the influence that success brings.

And what will you do with all this power and influence?

Spend it.

A latest yuppie trend John Sullivan picked up on was people paying lots of

hard-earned dosh for something they could get for free.

What's this?

Wait a minute.

This is water, this, isn't it?

You want a bottle of fizzy water?

Yeah, I'll have one.

It's two pounds.

Sorry, it's what?

It's two pounds.

Is this what people are spending their money on nowadays?

Yeah, it's one of the few remaining growth industries.

Is it?

Well, of course, Del is going to get it on that.

Of course he is.

People pay money for water because you've put it in a bottle.

Well, I can do that.

I can open a tap.

I can fill it up with water, sell it.

It's still water.

And technically, he's 100% right.

We ain't doing nothing illegal, are we?

We are selling public water to the public.

Cos this water used to be public, and then Maggie, she privatised it, didn't she, eh?

It now belongs to a board of directors and a load of investors.

They sell it to us, we sell it on.

All we're doing is repackaging it.

If people weren't buying water out of bottles,

it would never have been as funny or as clever.

I could have you under the Trays Descriptions Act.

You call it Peckham Spring, but it ain't from the spring.

Yeah, well, Sainsbury's, they sell runner beans, but

they ain't been round the track three times, have they?

Just at the end, he managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

The London borough of Peckham is tonight without water after a little reservoir was

found to be contaminated by an unknown chemical.

Had Darryl put as much energy into a proper job, or trying to sell things that

weren't quite as dopey as he was selling them, he would have been an Alan Sugar.

I wouldn't mind betting, this time next week, I'll be in all the papers.

LAUGHTER Coming up.

..

A unique performance from Tony Angelino.

No-one told us he had an impediment.

And a very rare live performance most fans won't have seen in over 30 years.

Slowly, slowly, no-one will be any the wiser.

LAUGHTER

Welcome back to the story of Only Fools and Horses.

Lovely jubbly.

Dale's exuberance for dodgy deals would often see him

talking his way into situations most people would avoid.

I think you look rather dashing.

I look like a human cannonball who's just crashed into a washing line.

And when he signs a contract for Rachael to sing

at the nightclub, he thinks it's goodbye, Peckham.

Hello, Hollywood.

I've made it worth her while.

600 quid for one nice work ain't to be sneezed at.

She'll need a backing group.

Dale was now an agent and he was going to make Rachael a big star and then they go

to Hollywood and live the high life and, you

know, that would be the end of the series.

I've never sung in a real nightclub before.

Yes, you have.

What about that poster you showed us when you was topping

a bill with Otis Redding at talk of the town London?

It was Laurie London at the talk of the town Redding.

Dale is a manipulator and he also wants to exploit Rachael.

What's amazing is that he thinks like Quicksilver.

He's so quick.

It says here they're paying you 600 quid.

You mouthy git.

So when he's about to be found out, whatever it is, he's got an answer for it

before the person's even finished that sentence questioning it.

I said that because...

Because...

Because...

I knew that if Rachael thought she was earning £600 for the

show, that would make her even more nervous than she is now.

So I decided to take the sting out of it, soften the edges,

relieve the pressure by telling her it was only worth 300 quid.

Thank you.

But I think he justifies it by thinking, well, this is a break for her.

You know, this gives her a chance on stage.

So it's not just being done to make money.

Dale did adore Rachael.

He really did.

So I can sort of see it in his convoluted way of thinking that perhaps...

I think perhaps he really did believe it.

That means you'll do it for me, sweetheart.

But who will I be singing with?

Don't you worry about that.

I won't put you wrong.

You trust me.

I won't say it was the endearing thing about the character, but...

That's Dale.

Lovely, chubbly.

Dale needs a singing partner for Rachael and the signature he wants on that

contract more than any other is that of the singing dustman, Tony Angelino.

Thanks so much.

We've got one for audience.

Dale, you'll never sign that contract.

You'll sign it, Roddy, don't you worry.

You'll sign it.

Hey, it's Tony!

Tony!

There you are.

Just a wonderful performance.

Really was wonderful.

Thanks.

Excuse me.

Would you mind?

Would you, please?

Oh, thank you.

I thought it was fantastic.

I thought it was hilarious.

Not necessarily saying that John Sullivan is the Mozart of comedy writing,

but I suppose he's probably the closest we've got.

Dale seals the deal and Rachael and Tony are booked to sing

at the birthday party for a well-known gangster's mother.

When they first started, everything was going wrong and they're singing this song,

it's OK.

Meaning Rachael is OK.

She's bloody good, isn't she, Rodney, eh?

Excuse me.

Then he starts to sing.

True to form, which is John Sullivan again, he

held back that very, very clever sting in the tail.

No-one told us he had an impediment in his speech.

Tessa Jones's performance was absolutely brilliant.

That look in her eye, this sort of I-told-you-so sort of

thing, and biting her lip, even during the performance.

Once we were actually filming it, you do think, oh, my God, to have this

chance to perform a song like this with Philip, knowing it's going to get this

amazing pay-off, is, you know, a real gift as an actor.

You know, how often do you get to do that?

It's great.

True to form, Derek Trotter chose the song.

This time next year, we'll be millionaires.

We have unearthed some precious footage from the archives and have for you a rare

live performance from 1986, when the Trotters were invited by the Palace to

come up west and do a bit of business in one of London's most famous theatres.

Good evening.

Welcome to the 57th Royal Variety performance.

Despite in the middle of filming a Christmas special, ironically called The

Royal Flush, the team felt unable to turn down a royal command, so John Sullivan

quickly wrote a sketch the cast would rehearse at the end of each day's shoot.

And then we're told, well, it's going to be live outside broadcast as well,

with the Royal Family, so no pressure there.

Well, are you sure this is Dulaney's Club?

Of course it is, Rodney.

I ain't been here for years, but I recognise it anywhere.

Oh, yeah, I remember this.

Now you've got something to talk about.

What's the variety?

Do you remember this?

Here, Albert, this is yours.

Take it, will you?

Produce of Malaysia.

For David and I, that was the scariest night ever.

I'll check, though, make sure this is the Dulaney's Club.

Look at the sign there, look.

Does it say, Dulaney, right?

He's got two GCEs and he still can't read.

The letters missing from Drury Lane, I mean, that's John Sullivan, masterly,

master stroke, how to link it in and they think they're delivering some...

Just so clever, you know.

Come on, Albert, in you go.

That's it, and you, Rodney.

This is the first person you see.

Ask for the manager, right?

Chunky Lewis.

Comedy name.

Chunky, you there!

Where are you?

Rodney, mind that big thing, will you?

Argh!

You plonker!

Everybody else had come out of a long-running show, so whether they were

sort of dancers or singers or whatever, they were really rehearsed and thing.

The great thing about it was that everybody knew Fools at that time and I

think it was allowed to have a bit of breathing space, wasn't it?

We three Wally's were going on live with a sketch that we had never done before.

I had no idea where the last were, except with our instinct.

Chunky!

Chunky!

He's not here, Rodney, he's nobody here.

He's probably popped out for a doner kebab or something.

So we worked it out that if I went a bit wrong, you got to cover me and if you went.

..

So we had to learn everybody's part so we all

knew the whole thing back to front, just in case.

This used to be a tiny little diet of the place, didn't it, Albert?

Yeah, just a little strip joint, that's all it was.

George, you can see what old Chunky's done to it, can't you?

I mean, he's actually opened it up, knocked a few walls down.

Yeah, spent a bit of money on the old decor.

You see what I've been trying to say to you, Rodney?

You see, little acorns, I mean, you've got to remember,

Marks and Spencers started with a barrow, didn't they?

Henry Ford, he started in a barn.

Nissans, they started with a hut.

LAUGHTER Then the Palace get back to us and saying, we

understand you want to make eye contact with the Royal Party.

You can't.

No-one's allowed to make contact during the performance.

At the bow, yes, of course you can, but not before.

So we thought, well, that's the gag blown.

We can't not look at them.

Anyway, we eventually got permission to do that.

The whole thing is an excuse for that moment where first

Rodney spots who's in the Royal Box and then Del Boy does.

I mean, that's priceless.

Junkie!

Junkie, go up your belly, come on!

What's that?

Look who is sitting in the box to your right.

LAUGHTER What is sitting in the box?

Is that you, Junkie?

Yeah, very brave.

The other box.

Oh, no, no, no.

It is, isn't it?

It is.

It is, it is, isn't it?

The Royal Variety Show, having done it myself, is one of the toughest gigs to crack.

But the way they kind of respected the royalty by awkwardly bowing and walking

backwards, that piece of physical comedy is very funny.

All right, just pick up the gear, pick up the gear, it's all right.

Pick it up, Rodney, move out, move out.

Slowly, slowly, no-one will be any the wiser.

Very few could get away with addressing the box.

They were in character.

It was respectful, very respectful, very dignified.

That's always the key.

I mean, we don't want the papers getting hold of this, do we?

No, we'd look like dipsticks, wouldn't we?

I don't mean that.

I mean, what's Her Majesty doing in Dulaney's Club?

We had to go back from the Theatre Royal, back to

Salisbury, to start work at six o 'clock the next morning.

So we didn't really get much of a chance to meet

anyone or see anyone or have a drink with anyone.

So, Dave and I, we were so relieved, we made the car stop at a little midnight

shop on the Brompton Road, driving back, and we bought a bottle of whisky,

and I'm here to tell you that we did it between

London and Salisbury, just out of sheer relief.

Only Fools and Horses is the nation's favourite comedy.

And the winner of the title of Britain's Best Sitcom is...

Only Fools and Horses!

But, as Dell himself said of other success stories, from little acorns...

We'd shot series one and the entire nation had just gone, so what?

And then we started doing series two and the nation did much the same again.

Come on, let's call it a day.

Normal sitcoms were getting tens of millions and we weren't getting anything like it.

We're off and running!

LAUGHTER We never entered the job or the show or the series to win awards.

We all entered the show because it made us laugh when we read the script and because

we all loved it and we all loved what we were doing, that started to shine through.

What a plonker!

What a plonker!

I don't think any of us ever realised that we were going to become quite the success

in the national institution that we became.

Am I brilliant or am I brilliant?

It's not why we did it, but we're all very delighted that we did.

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