Original subtitles

Hey, Gregory, you want to watch a movie together on the plane?

Oh, sorry. I prefer the raw dog flights.

Just stare straight ahead, no distractions.

God, you're cool.

Hello, ladies! Ah!

This is great and all, but I don't understand

why we couldn't drive ourselves to the airport.

Because, see, this way, we don't have to pay for parking.

Although usually I just borrow Captain Rob's fire decals

and I park that thing right by the gate.

Well, I'm not complaining,

because the school district is sending this mommy to Miami!

Have no fear. I'm here.

As soon as Janine changes, we can go.

I call shotgun!

What-- What are you doing here?

Yeah. Mr. J, this conference is for teachers.

You're forgetting I subbed a few classes.

These kids wouldn't know squat about hip replacements

if it wasn't for me.

Eh, well, he did substitute-teach, so...

Okay. But the district didn't buy you a plane ticket.

A plane what?

See you later, Mr. Johnson.

Mnh-mnh-mnh.

Guess I won't be taking my talents

to South Beach after all.

Wow. Not bad.

This is beautiful.

Speaking of beautiful...

Hey, y'all. What's up?

What's O'Shon doing here?

Yeah, what? Does the hotel have an I.T. problem, Ava?

I flew him out on the district's dime. Duh!

What am I supposed to do in the presidential suite by myself?

Hopefully, the next time I see y'all is on the plane ride home.

Wow. Jacob Hill.

Is that you?

A fan or a hater? I can never tell.

Uh, you're the liaison for District 51. I'm 54.

But people are saying you are a rising star.

Okay, who is saying that?

I want their names so I can hug them.

Oh, they'll all be at the liaisons' liaison liaiter.

Wow! We are at the corny convention.

"Liaison." Ah, girl, let's check in.

I got you. Yeah.

Hey, Schemmenti and Howard.

Hey, Joy. Nice to see you again. Yeah.

Happy PECSA to you. Love the fanny pack.

You guys hear about all these crazy rumors?

Uh I try to avoid rumors.

Because I'm addicted to them. Spill the beans.

Superintendent got fired for embezzling money.

School of the future is becoming A.I. only.

They're shutting down 15 schools.

And after Representative Sloss got slapped,

she's using it as an excuse to get a facelift.

Wait. Sorry. 15 schools?

That-- That can't be true.

It was a pretty hard slap, though.

Guys, wait up! Look.

PECSA is full of rumors that always turn out to be unfounded.

Yeah. Our jobs will continue to be safe,

miserable, and terribly paid.

Yeah. So just cheer up, kids.

Alright. I'm gonna go find the other reps.

I'm sure they want some face time with their rising star.

Alright. You could say I'm the Chase Infiniti of the--

We're gonna go get our badges.

Ooh! Putting on this badge

feels like putting on an Olympic medal.

Nice. Mine feels like a badge.

Oh, come on. Hey!

Hey. Didn't think I'd see you two here.

Yeah. Of course we're here. Well, we wouldn't miss it.

This is so exciting.

You guys should come to this panel with me.

I thought the panels didn't start till tomorrow.

Yeah. Nope.

Attendance was so high this year...

...that they had to start early.

Oh. Okay.

"Comedy and Sensuality"?

Is this a PECSA weekend?

PECSA weekend? Whoa.

What are the odds?

Nah. I'm here for the MostlyFans convention.

Oh. MostlyFans is here.

Fun. Oh.

I-I thought that some of the teachers

had a hornier vibe than usual.

And if you're wondering whether I'm a fan or a creator--

I'm not wondering.

Of course I dip my toes into both.

Oh. If you catch my drift.

Don't want to catch anything here.

So, are you ready?

Um...

Oh, isn't that your ex-wife over there?

Which one?

Wait a minute. How do you know my ex-wife...

It's rare for the school to be deserted,

even on the weekends.

Teachers like to come in and work

because they're strange people.

So I'm deep-cleaning the place

while everyone's in Florida, having fun without me.

But the joke's on them.

I don't even like Miami.

I love it.

Shoot. I forgot my book in the room.

I'll be right back.

Uh, what are your eyes gonna do with a book

while I'm sitting right here?

Well, hello!

Are you on MostlyFans?

Um... sorry.

Out of your league. B-Y-E B-B-L!

Uh...

You know what?

Maybe it'll be safer if I go get your book.

Until I return.

Thanks, baby.

Hey, sis, thanks for saving me a seat.

Oh, my goodness.

I thought we weren't gonna see you all weekend.

Had to find out if the rumors were true.

And O'Shon was getting too much unwanted attention,

so I left him in the room with the door locked.

Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

Flying low for some high-fives!

Not seeing any yet. No.

Oh, I got one. I'll take it.

Ow. Uh-oh. Here we go.

Jam!

It's dangerous.

Hello, PECSA weekend!

As the saying goes, bienvenido a Florida.

Oh, we have so many wonderful things in store.

We have booked an authentic Cuban band from Tampa

for the famous PECSA party.

There's a caricaturist by the bathroom, numerous lectures.

I'm excited to say that we finally have

one of our most tenured teachers leading one tomorrow morning.

Let's give it up for Barbara Howard!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

We've been hearing wild rumors,

and we need to know what's going on.

Okay, this is not a Q&A.

But sure. I'll address this one real quick.

It's true.

Superintendent Reynolds has been let go.

But-- But...

our new acting superintendent will be here on Sunday.

We are on top of it. You may sit down.

Thank you.

Okay, so what about A.I. schools?

These rumors are ridiculous.

I assure you, A.I. schools are not happening.

We looked into it. It's too expensive.

Okay, what about the rumor that 15 schools are closing?

You cannot believe everything you hear.

15 schools are not closing.

I told youse.

It's 20 schools.

What?!

I know, I know, I know!

But I assure you, it is well thought-out.

This has been based on concrete criteria

involving the safety of school buildings,

performance, and neighborhood vulnerability.

It only is partly a money issue,

as we have run out of it,

only partly because of the embezzling

and flying you all to Miami.

Okay, which schools are closing?!

Guys! Did you hear me say...

there are caricatures?

Which schools?!

Fine. I will read the list,

since you all are so concerned.

The 20 schools closing are...

Addington Elementary...

...Bates Academy, Cass High...

Wait, wait. He's going in alphabetical order.

That means Abbott is safe. Yeah.

And all these people are losing their jobs.

O-Once again, you're welcome.

I hope you all remember my services

when I'm up for re-election.

...Ultra Academy, Vernon Elementary,

and finally, Abbott Elementary.

What about the list being alphabetical?!

Oh, yeah. It-- It did seem that way.

Huh. Funny coincidence.

I can reread them in that order if it makes you feel better.

I'm gonna kill him. No...

One shot. Come on.

- Okay. - Bates Academy.

I cannot believe they're gonna shut down Abbott.

I mean, what am I supposed to do-- not teach at Abbott?

I think that's what we're all gonna have to not do.

We might have to go on unemployment.

And I'm probably gonna have to raise the rent.

I have worked too long and too hard

to start all over again somewhere else.

This might be it for me.

Thank God being principal is my lowest-paying job.

Well, I am not gonna take this sitting down.

Or maybe sitting down is exactly what I need to do.

Jacob, don't do a sit-in.

Your pants are white.

And we're just supposed to take this?!

No. Not me. Nope.

No. I am gonna do something.

I don't know what I'm gonna do,

but I'm gonna go out there, and I'm going to figure it out.

And don't you try to stop me. I know not to.

There's a 24-hour "Naked and Afraid" marathon on.

For whatever reason,

watching them try to start a fire in the nude

causes me to do my best thinking.

And you'll be prepared in case we need to live off the land.

Exactly.

You stay here. I'll walk the hotel.

And when we meet back, maybe we'll have a solution.

I love you. I love you, too.

I can't believe I got my spark back just to lose it,

and my job, too.

Welcome, everyone.

We are Barbara Howard and Melissa Schemmenti...

...from Abbott Elementary.

And this is "The Joy of Teaching."

Should be called "The Rage of Teaching."

Um, Melissa, I don't think that--

You know that this woman has given

her-- her whole life to this job.

For what? For what?

One swift kick in the nuts! That's what.

What are we gonna do?

Well, there's nothing you can do,

except you take all you can while you can,

because screw the man!

Screw the man! Yeah, yeah. Here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna take that per diem money.

You're gonna blow it all on the minibar!

Those overpriced chocolates?

Lick them, put them back!

And those tiny tequilas?

Bring those to me, because school is out

Yeah!

Dang!

Had my money on the water bottle.

Uh-oh.

I sprayed away the parking lines!

Damn!

Hell no, we won't go!

Hell, no! Okay, this is our moment.

District's coming. Okay.

He will not pass through our sit-in

without meeting our demands.

Hi, teachers.

Bye, teachers.

What?

I think he's buckling.

Hey, Janine. PECSA going well?

Oh. Morton. Oh, no.

You haven't heard yet. Okay.

The district announced that they're shutting Abbott down.

But that school's home to me.

I know. For all of us. No.

It's literally home. I live there.

Oh. Hey, Morton.

You ready for the next panel?

Janine, this is Sally. She's huge on MostlyFans. Oh.

I sit on cakes.

Not as weird as it sounds.

I'm fully clothed...

most of the time. Yeah.

Anyway [laughs] are you thinking of joining MostlyFans?

Uh, well...

I do need to supplement my income,

or obtain an income.

Well, then, come to the panel with us.

Lots of teachers have to find other ways to make money.

I guess it couldn't hurt to listen?

There are so many different kinds of cakes

that you could sit on. Oh.

I mean, sheet cakes, cupcakes,

mini-cupcakes

Bundt cake. Ah!

He's not a celebrity, you know?

Don't do anything weird with that.

So annoying.

It's just like high school all over again.

We need to, like, ugly you up.

What you think? Shave my beard.

And release that jawline? Get out of here.

There are so many different ways to attract fans.

You can give fitness advice, cooking tips, share your music.

As for me, I used to think my farts were worthless,

but they're not.

Now I put them in jars and sell them.

And that's how I bought a multimillion-dollar home.

And you can, too.

So I want you to ask yourself,

what's your fart in a jar?!

Wow. I'm good.

Maybe too good.

I don't know if I can be seen with you.

I feel free!

I've been on a hunger strike since right after breakfast.

Melissa, do you mind if I just smell your pigs in a blanket?

Uh, listen, Gandhi.

I'm telling you, keep your nose out my food.

Well, it looks like the fire from your impassioned speech

has been officially extinguished.

Hey, what's the matter with youse?!

I thought you were gonna get wild!

Reality is setting in.

We're sad.

Y-You know what? No.

Not on my watch. Mnh-mnh!

Uh, perdóneme!

This is an emergencia.

Okay. Listen up, everybody.

I know you're upset, and I know it isn't fair.

But if this is gonna be our last hurrah,

let's turn this place out!

And it's an open bar!

No, it's not.

Oh, yes, it is.

An open bar!

Alright, screw it. My mom's a teacher.

Hey!

Now is the time for civil disobedience!

Let's burn the place down!

You went to what with who?

I know! I was desperate!

Oh, my God. But you know what I learned?

The gig economy is hard work.

I can't hack it.

I don't want to put anything in jars.

I'm glad I don't know what that means.

Gregory, I just want to be a teacher.

But what if the universe doesn't want me to be one?

The universe wants you to be happy.

More importantly, that's what I want.

I promise you, when we get back,

we will figure all of that stuff out, okay?

But for now, let's just...

Just have fun.

Alright. I'm gonna go help Jacob.

I warned him not to starve and dance.

He's gonna pass out.

Mwah.

Kristin Marie: I'm glad you're here!

No. I'm glad you're here. 'Cause you know what?

We got to spend more time together.

I-- 'Cause I love you!

I admire you! I love you!

I actually admire you! Wait, wait! Shh!

I got an idea. Let's call Ma and tell her you're pregnant.

Schemmenti sisters are back!

Schemmenti sisters back!

Scurvy dogs!

Who wants to walk the plank with Sea Barbara?!

Whoo! Permission to come aboard!

Permission denied!

How you holding up, man?

This Abbott news is crazy!

I'm trying to stay positive for Janine, but...

honestly, I'm freaking out. Mm.

My life as finally coming together.

Teaching was going well, and honestly, no offense.

I was hoping to one day end up with your girlfriend's job.

Aw, no. You don't want that smoke.

But I could see you as a principal.

Everything's just so up in the air now.

What are our lives gonna look like now?

I mean, we just got through this...

huge fight, and we're stronger for it.

It made me realize I wanted to take things to the next level.

But now-- Hey.

Next level?

You mean-- You mean like...

Nice!

Alright, Miami!

I'm about to jump off this stage!

Who's gonna catch me?

Barbara, no! You're...

of a certain age!

Barbara, don't do it!

We need to, like, hydrate. Lots of electrolytes.

I just want to thank you all

for not allowing me to jump into that crowd last night.

Barb, you did jump into the crowd last night.

Alright. Look alive, everyone.

Meeting with the new superintendent.

This might be our last chance.

Hey, you know what?

Let's not go.

What?

I had so much fun last night.

And if that's gonna be my final memory

as a teacher at Abbott,

then I want to hold on to it.

Yeah. Me too. Yeah.

They ain't gonna fire me twice.

They already fired you twice.

Well, third time ain't gonna be the charm.

Alright, well, I just can't let this go yet.

You got this, Jacob.

We're with you.

Round of shots for when he comes back defeated?

Barbara! Yeah.

Hair of the dog. Okay.

Ava, it's just like...

For the most part, these teachers

will stalk you all weekend. Yeah.

Excuse me! Oh, here we go.

Hi. Uh, I'm Jacob Hill, one of the liaison reps.

Are you the new superintendent?

Acting superintendent. Derek Collins.

Nice to meet you. We have to get going.

I'm sorry, but I just have to speak up

for my school that you are closing,

Abbott Elementary.

We have gone through so much this year.

Uh, a teacher fell through the ceiling.

We were in a mall for a month after our furnace broke.

Which cost a fortune to fix.

I'm so sorry to hear that,

but unfortunately, my hands are tied.

Mm-hmm. Have a good day, Jacob. Yeah, but--

What was that about money for a furnace?

It was so expensive.

Hey! Y'all want to see a dead body?

I mean, who doesn't?

Anyway, now that I have your attention,

I got a little proposition for you.

Hey. How'd you do?

Well, R.I.P. Abbott Elementary.

Oh! Well...

Thank you. We had some good times at Abbott.

Yeah. Yeah, we did.

Remember when I set the school on fire?

Yup. And I met the love of my life at Abbott Elementary.

Oh! Captain Rob.

No. Sweet Cheeks.

But, also, Captain Rob.

And I met the love of mine. Yeah.

In a bathroom covered in pee,

standing next to a reversey toilet.

We should come up with a new story of how we met.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh! I'm gonna miss our kids! Yeah.

Oh, you snakes!

How much you bribe them?!

What are you talking about, Looney Tunes?

They just made an announcement onstage.

Abbott got spared.

What?

"Oh! Huh?! Oh, no."

"Oh, no."

Man, this is not worth 5 bucks.

Seriously.

Hope you take traveler's checks.

Oh.

Hi. Um, excuse me.

Yeah? What-- What happened?

You said there was no way Abbott would be saved.

I did. but I received some new information that changed things.

Was it our test scores? Uh, our rate of improvement?

Uh, no.

No. Actually, it was your furnace.

What? Yeah. It doesn't make sense for us

to close a school that we've already put

that much money into.

The only fiscally responsible thing to do is to keep it open.

So you're open.

Whoo! Oh, my God! I can delete my MostlyFans!

Your what?

Now, there is some housekeeping to do.

In order to make this work,

we're gonna have to let some people go.

We're gonna need those funds to hire an assistant principal

to share the load of a bigger school.

I know just the person.

My friend Lena needs a job.

Okay, we kind of like to keep it in house, if possible.

Yeah, well, our-- our first-grade teacher,

Gregory Eddie, was briefly interim principal.

And did an excellent job. Yes.

That'll work.

I still think y'all sleeping on Lena, but...

Gregory, I-I guess you're my assistant principal.

So, I came to Miami.

I lost my job, my future.

My girlfriend became a cam girl.

Then, I got a promotion and a raise,

and Janine's a teacher again.

And I also got to watch that episode of "Naked and Afraid"

where that guy loses 37 pounds

and gets a flesh-eating bacteria.

So I'd say it's been a perfect trip.

My disguise must be wearing off.

No. I'm starting to think maybe they can sense

you have a good heart or whatever.

Oh, my God. Stop fishing.

So much for burning it all down.

That was just an expression.

Well, I set my room on fire.

You do you, girl. Yeah. Good for you.

You know, this whole thing's got me thinking

I should get more involved with the district.

Maybe I could, like, make things better.

Yeah. I think you'd be really good at it.

You're the kind of guy we need down there.

Okay, the humidity has made me a sappy son of a bitch, alright?

So what?

Congrats. Assistant principal.

Ah.

Hey, you and Ava gonna make a great team.

You think so?

Just don't interrupt her nap time, you'll be good.

Oh. Y-Yeah.

Assuming your big life plans are still on,

I helped set up Wi-Fi on Jewelers' Row.

Could get you a discount if you're interested.

Yeah, I think I might take you up on that.

What the hell?!

Is it me, or are these parking spots getting smaller?

Who painted this-- a blind man?

Careful. What?!

Jacob! Ooh!

Don't hit my car. Oh!

O...kay.

Now what?

The one day I drive!

Alright.

Oh!

Morning.

Good morning.

And let's go.

The one day I forget my bag!