Original subtitles

Alright. So you have your marching orders?

Yes. I am going to lie to Janine

to get her and Gregory talking,

which will lead to them reconciling.

And then I will flirt with Gregory like I used to.

And you know I only did that

to send him into the arms of Janine.

I don't think that's why they... Ready? Break.

And that's how I know

Gregory thinks that you two should fly

and not drive to the Outer Banks.

He said if you're a bird, he's a bird.

Gregory quoted "The Notebook"?

Hey, big head. No.

Geez.

Okay, don't be mad, but it didn't work.

Janine saw right through me like my daddy is a glass maker.

Same. I should have known

Gregory wouldn't believe I'd step out on O'Shon.

Stupid.

We can do this. Okay? We just need to think.

Okay. What about...

Nah. Nah, nah.

Okay. Give me room. I'm circling.

We've got nothing.

No, I-I-I really had something.

Okay, then finish your thought.

Well, now it's too much pressure.

Yeah.

Ready for another planning meeting?

Just had some matcha.

It's disgusting, but it really gets the brain going.

No, I've already given their relationship

more attention than I've given any of my own.

And I'm still trying to get the district

to upgrade my flight to the teachers' conference.

Can't be jet-lagged in Miami.

It's the same time zone.

And on top of that, AVA Fest is tomorrow.

It's got to be the best one yet.

Okay, but we need to figure out a way

to get Janine and Gregory back together.

Okay? In fact, it should be everyone's number-one priority.

Okay. Look at me.

Hey, quit telling everybody

what their number-one priority should be.

And you two need to butt out. They're young.

They will learn how to talk through it.

Well, that would require them being in the same room,

which they refuse to do.

I got it.

I'll assign them to the dunk tank.

That way they'll have to put it together

together.

Were we committed to doing that this year?

Yes, Jacob, it's a tradition. Deal with it.

Anything I could do to help?

You're asking for more work?

What the hell is wrong with youse guys?

Have I taught you nothing?

I feel like I've gotten the hang of the teaching part,

but I don't feel like I'm part of the Abbott culture.

So I'm gonna help out with the festival,

even if that means working more closely with Ava.

She kind of scares me.

You know what?

Finally, I have one teacher worth a damn.

Young Dom, there are several things you can do

because I need to focus on finding the headliner.

I'm sure you'll find someone incredible.

Ew. Don't ever encourage me.

Alright. You know, I can't think of a better pair of teachers

to put this together than you two.

Really?

I could call Morton over if you think you need a third.

No, that's-- We're good.

Great. Get to work. Thanks.

Okay, so-- Maybe we could d--

Oh, sorry. You go.

No, you-- you can go first.

I was thinking we could tackle this the same way

we did the dining room table.

Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing.

Okay. Oh.

Ready? Hey.

Oh, my God, I'm-- I'm sorry.

There you go. Thanks.

Hey, man, you stop blowing when the balloon is full.

What up? Here go the hall passes.

That looks so fake.

The font isn't even correct.

Yes, it is. No, it's not.

I don't want to hear another word

about fonts, Mackenzie. It's fine. Dang!

Shouldn't "hall pass" be hyphenated?

Yeah. You know, sometimes you overhear kids

planning a lot of nonsense,

so it's best just to let them do it.

And then you nab them afterwards.

Because this way, it helps with the consequences sticking.

And also it gives me more time of not having to do anything.

We should ask Courtney. She'll know what to do.

Courtney. What up, slime?

If you were to make fake hall passes,

how would you do it?

Don't start from scratch.

Next time you get a hall pass,

save it and just change up the date and time.

Yo!

She's a mastermind.

Yeah.

I bet if she came to Sephora with us,

we'd be able to steal so much more stuff.

Shh!

Why are you talking so loud?

Young Dom, did you blow up these balloons?

Yeah.

Well, that was a waste of your time.

These are the wrong colors.

They're supposed to be purple and pink.

That's my bad. I just figured

that red and white are the classic carnival colors.

But this is a festival. Did you get confused

because Janine has the world's biggest feet?

No.

Well, at least tell me you took care of the food.

I did, just came from Fresh Grocer,

and the fish sticks were on super sale.

What? You were supposed to get chicken nuggets.

Now the guests are gonna have sad childhood flashbacks

of when their parents used to leave them home alone

and they had to eat soggy fish sticks for dinner.

Okay, that's my bad.

I can redo both, but I think you're really gonna love this.

Hey, Mr. Johnson,

can you grab the other side of that banner for me?

Good thing you ain't wearing socks

'cause them joints is about to get blown off.

"Welcome to Abbott Fest"?

It's AVA Fest, A Very Abbott Festival.

Why would it ever be called Abbott Fest?

I'm sorry.

Now I got to fix all your mistakes

and I still haven't found a headliner.

And it's supposed to be purple and pink.

You know we could rig it

so that Jacob never gets dunked, right?

Yeah, but think of the children.

You know?

I miss talking to you.

Yeah.

Not talking to you has been... hard.

I got you.

Chappell be thy Roan. It's working.

Finally. Their messy breakup

was distracting me from the actual issues.

Oh, yeah.

And what is that?

I think it's a funhouse mirror.

Come on. Who wants to be shorter and wider?

I've been thinking about it and... what are we doing?

This feels wrong, right?

Yeah. You know, are we really breaking up

over something as trivial as flying or driving?

Exactly. It feels... silly? Mm.

And I actually crunched the numbers

and between travel time to and from the airport,

the security line, flight time itself,

and getting a car,

it's about the same amount of time as driving.

Yes! So why not fly?

Or why not... drive?

Because you just crunched the numbers and it's all the same.

Except for price.

And I was just crunching the numbers to make sure

that I wasn't being crazy.

Oh, so I'm being crazy?

No, I was saying that I... That's what that kind of insinuated.

That's-- We get caught up in this thing.

I'm never say--

What are you guys carrying on about?

We're right back where we started.

Yeah, I guess we are.

And I crunched some numbers.

And you can build the dunk tank by yourself.

It's fine.

You know she's right.

It really is a one-person job.

Love is in the data-center-polluted air.

How I wish that were the case.

What?

Janine and Gregory are at each other's throats

and not in the good way.

I don't understand why they can't figure this out!

That's why I said no one should be in a relationship

until they're 65.

Once the brain is fully developed.

I'll just tell Gregory she's pregnant.

Then they'll definitely get back together.

No, don't do that.

She's weighing in.

They just don't have the tools.

Mr. Johnson: Or the wisdom.

Barb, I know you said you wanted to stay out of this,

but I think we ought to help them out.

Please, I am begging you.

Well, I'm not gonna beg you,

but that would be nice.

Fine. I'll talk with Janine.

And I will talk to Jacob.

No, Mr. Johnson, you will talk to Gregory.

I know, I'm just trying to add some levity around here.

Damn.

You got a sec?

What is life but a collection of seconds?

I got three pieces of really bad news for you. Okay?

Three?! Yeah.

Number one, you're about to be the mark in a hall-pass scam.

Number two, I just overheard

some of your homeroom students talking about

they're gonna go shoplift.

Number three, they're getting Courtney to run point.

Every bit of that was worse than the last.

I know. Kind of like this matcha.

Now, if Courtney finds out just how good she is

at something like that,

it could lead her down, like, a really sketchy path.

Yeah, we both know where that leads.

Wall Street. Yeah. Mm.

We got to get her to change her mind.

"We"? Your homeroom, your problem, pal.

Oh, interesting. Because, you know,

she reminds me of a certain former student of yours.

Oh, wow.

Manipulating me by using my past missteps against me.

What are you, my mother?

Courtney's a contrarian,

so we can't tell her to just not do it.

It's gonna make her want to do it more.

Yeah. Okay. Okay.

So here's what we do.

You find where she puts her--

Why am I whispering?

There's nobody here. Mnh-mnh.

Yes, I accept the rush-job fee.

Do you still offer the beautiful-woman discount?

Not since June? Okay. Thanks.

You're costing me money, Dom.

I'm so sorry. I was just trying to help.

Do I look helped to you?

Look at that. I haven't hobbied in days.

Yo, is that a battle bot?

Get out! Yes, ma'am.

Okay, this is bad, but I can turn this around.

You know, I've been thinking about it,

and I might actually have some connections

that could make this the best Abbott Fest yet.

AVA Fest. Make this the best AVA Fest yet.

Janine, do you have a moment?

I have many moments. As many moments as you need.

I don't want to overstep,

but I'd like to discuss your breakup.

Well, I don't really know what to say.

I mean, we just got into it again

because he's insisting on doing things his way.

I just don't think it's gonna work out.

Just because you have a fight

doesn't mean you're not supposed to be together.

Gerald and I, we've had many a fight-- where to live,

how to raise the children and--

oh, some of his nastier relatives.

Mm.

Honestly, your fight, it's lightweight,

and I know it's hard,

but if you love someone, you really care about them,

then you owe it to each other

and your relationship to work these things out together.

I know, but we can't.

Every time we try to talk it out,

it feels like something just grabs ahold of me.

It feels like it's the most important thing in the world.

Yes. Yeah, I've been there.

Right.

And when you tell a man that something's important

and he doesn't give it to you, that's when you walk away.

Wait. [ Laughs ] What? Who taught you that?

Life, Barb. Life.

No. Really think about it.

Who taught you that?

I guess the woman I've seen in relationships

most in my life would be Harriette Winslow.

And then second... my mom.

Uh-huh.

Oh, no.

Okay, everyone, don't forget AVA Fest tonight.

Tell your folks.

Hey, Courtney, do you mind sticking back for a bit?

Oh, did you need some help with the lesson?

Oh, hardy-har-har. No.

Not this time.

I bet you're wondering where your backpack is right now.

Why would I wonder that?

It's where I always put it.

Except it's not because we stole it.

Now, I want you to really sit with

how you're feeling right now.

Doesn't feel too good to have something stolen from you.

It probably wouldn't if you all were competent thieves,

but I saw my AirTag on the move earlier and got it back.

Damn it.

Why did you try to steal my backpack?

I overheard some kids trying to rope you in

to their harebrained scheme about stealing from a Sephora.

So we wanted to teach you a lesson in empathy.

You know stores don't have feelings, right?

Okay, fine. Just promise not to steal anything, alright?

Yeah.

I'm not risking my future for star-shaped zit stickers.

Also, you heard people talking about shoplifting,

and you came to me?

Shouldn't you be talking to those guys?

You know what? You are correct.

But before you do that,

I bet you're wondering where your bags are.

What? My journal?!

Okay. No fair. We robbed you first.

Hey, Gregory.

I think we should have a little chat about you and Janine.

It's a private matter.

No such thing as privacy in a public school.

Alright. Fine.

I just don't want to talk about it.

Then I'll take a page from your book

and let it go...

just like you're letting Janine go.

Okay. That's not what's happening.

Why is it not?

She said that she didn't think

that we could work through that fight,

so she ended things.

Did you tell her you disagree?

When a woman says it's over,

that's the end of the conversation.

Where'd you pick that one up?

My father said that there's a list of rules

every man should follow

and that's at the top of the list,

followed by you can only cry one tear like Denzel in "Glory"

and never wear flip-flops.

If you believe you can work through this,

Janine should know that.

Yes, you follow the advice from a man

who wears sneakers to the beach.

But you're your own man, right?

That's not rhetorical.

Are you your own man or not?

Yeah, yeah.

Then what you waiting on?

Hey, Barbara.

Mm-hmm.

Um, so I've been sitting with the whole "my mom" revelation,

and I really don't want to be that way in relationships.

Well...

I don't think you're gonna solve this by picking

flying or driving.

Oh my God, please don't say take a train.

No, I'm saying you need to find the "want"

behind your "want."

Okay.

The other day, Gerald and I had an argument

because I wanted to go out

and have a nice dinner at Ruth's Chris,

and he didn't want to because it's too expensive

and the name's confusing.

He's got a point.

Who is Chris and why does Ruth own him, right?

So we had to actually decide what did we really want?

The lobster mac and cheese. It's...

No. Oh.

What I wanted

was to get away from his sister,

who has been spending far too much time with us,

and he wanted to have a nice meal and spend time with me.

Mm. So what'd you do?

We settled on the Capitol Grill,

and we had a good old time.

Mm-hmm.

It wasn't about the place or anything else.

It was just about us

wanting to spend time together.

So what do you want?

What's the want behind your want?

Okay, to go on vacation with Gregory... Uh-huh.

...to see the water and to relax. Oh.

Forget about everything else and start right there.

You said the Bacon Brothers were available.

Now you're saying Kevin's out?

Well, the event is tonight.

I'm Bacon or bust.

Ava.

Let me call you back.

What'd you do now?

Make the Kool-Aid with flour instead of sugar?

Come here, man.

What am I looking at?

You're looking at the Philadelphia Eagles championship

wide receiver DeVonta Smith.

He's gonna headline AVA Fest. We play cousins.

Well, does your play cousin play music?

I play football.

Well, that's useless to me.

Everybody comes to AVA Fest for a concert.

I can play the recorder.

I can't play the recorder.

They made me go to football practice

instead of first-grade music, which it kind of worked out.

Hey. Hey.

Um, we never finished

putting the dunk tank together.

Yeah, we should probably get that done

before the festival starts.

Mm.

I can help. I'm pretty good with my hands.

No, thank you... DeVonta Smith.

Yeah.

I kind of want to do this with her.

Yeah, we want to figure this out together.

Also, hi. Yeah.

Big-- Big fan of your-- your work.

Here if you need me.

Yeah, the piece is over here. Okay.

Oh! Damn it.

Hey, man. You okay?

I ruined Abbott Fest.

AVA Fest.

Aw, golly. AVA Fest.

What is wrong with me?

If there's one thing I learned from football,

it's not over till it's over.

If you're down under two minutes,

fourth and long...

That's right. You play football.

Damn, can I finish?

And people pay to watch you play football.

It's like a whole business.

DeVonta, that's it.

Okay.

Of course you're offering me Pentatonix

because no one wants them after Christmas.

Ava. Ava. Ava. Ava.

We got an idea.

Celebrity football game.

Okay, just tighten the last... bolt.

And... I want to be with you.

I want to be with you, too.

I'm sorry. I-- So I feel like--

So... Well...

I was talking to Barbara and...

You first.

I'll go. Okay.

Um, look, when we had our fight,

I wasn't feeling heard,

so I got defensive and I ran away.

And I promise that I will not run away again.

And I won't let you. I was being rigid,

and I couldn't see past my way of doing things.

But I forgot that we were a team.

Right.

And, you know, if we're gonna be together,

there's gonna be fights, there's gonna be issues.

but I think the key is to communicate through them.

And no matter what it is, we will figure it out together

because I do not want to do that breakup [bleep] ever again.

Oh, my God. Me neither.

I got banned from Rubenstein's.

I got banned from the hookah lounge.

I love you. I love you, too.

Mm.

Janine and Gregory

just needed a push in the right direction.

Now they're back to being that headass couple

we all know and love.

We probably should have helped earlier.

Unh-unh, I stand by how long I waited.

I had things to deal with, too.

Gerald wants to cancel the cable,

and I was like, "Unh-unh,

I'm not missing 'American Idol.'"

Hey, y'all. Welcome to AVA Fest.

And for the first time ever,

sign up for our celebrity football game

featuring Philly's best, DeVonta Smith.

Come on out here, Smith.

Hey, did he bring the Super Bowl ring?

Did he bring his Super Bowl ring?

Did he bring his Super Bowl ring?

Who's up first?

Excuse me. Pardon me, pardon me.

Well, don't push the kids. Them ain't my kids.

Have fun.

George, Mackenzie, Jayden, get over here.

Okay, you guys, I overheard your little plan

about doing the shoplifting and just...

Don't do that, okay?

Hey. Come on. Stealing is wrong.

You guys know that.

And don't try and rope Courtney into your plan either.

We're off that now.

Yeah, Courtney already talked to us.

Wait, Courtney talked to you? Yep.

And she told us you already know.

Oh, it seems like Courtney's

been a good role model for you, then.

So, are we in trouble?

Nah, go have fun. Yes.

There you go. Don't fight over them.

I think today, we really made a difference.

All we did was steal Courtney's backpack

for, like, 10 minutes.

Okay. Shouldn't you be getting ready for the dunk tank?

Now, DeVonta, I need you to hit him with a "bow, bow."

Right? And then come through with a "Eh-eh-eh."

Just throw me the ball, huh?

Here we go.

Down, right, 86. Hey!

Come on, come on.

Did you get that?

I'm gonna be honest with you...

no.

Young Dom.

Yes, ma'am.

You really screwed up earlier.

I know. Then you saved it.

Which really embraces the true spirit of AVA Fest.

That's the closest you'll ever get to a "thank you" from me.

I'll take it.

Now add some extra salt to that popcorn

so people buy more water.

Yes, ma'am.

Nothing compares to the dopamine hit

of almost getting a thank you.

I finally understand being a teacher.

I feel like our fight wasn't really about the Outer Banks.

Really? Because it felt very much about the Outer Banks.

I think it was actually about what the Outer Banks signified.

Look, I want to go

on a nice vacation with you... Uh-huh.

...where I'm not stuck in a car for half the time

just because that's not relaxing for me.

You know? Preferably on a beach... Mm-hmm.

preferably out of the tristate area.

What do you want?

I want the same.

I just don't want to have to deplete my savings

in order to do so.

Okay, I hear that.

Well, the Outer Banks can't be the only beach in the world.

I mean, I don't even want

to hear the words "Outer Banks" ever again.

Yeah. Same. Forget about that place.

Ain't nothing but a poor man's Martha's Vineyard.

Alright, we got to be able to find something

that checks both of our boxes.

Wait, don't we have that teachers' conference coming up in Miami?

Yes. I don't consider that a vacation,

but they do have a breakfast buffet.

Complimentary. So I can see--

No, I mean, what if we combine our trips?

The district is covering our flights down to Florida.

What if we got a flight from there to somewhere else,

like Saint Lucia or the Bahamas or--

Oh, the Bahamas?

We could even drive there.

Okay, we cannot,

but it looks like flights to the Bahamas from Florida

are pretty reasonable. Cheap, even.

Wait, you want to go through customs with me?

I do.

I'm gonna get so many keychains, one with sand in it.

Sure. Palm tree.

If this wasn't already full of water,

I could fill this tank with happy tears.

Ava, we did it! Oh. Oh!

Come on, Barb. Yes! Oh!

Uh, it's close.

It's really more for the parents, Barb.

Hey, you know what?

She paid her tickets just like everybody else, pal.

Quiet, please.

I must focus. Okay.

Focus. Let's go.

Go.

That should have gone.

Janine and Gregory built it wrong.

They were too focused on their emotional turmoil.

Here. You should try this.

Wait, Barbara, you are a woman of integrity.

Come on. Respect the rules. You can't--

Yeah!

In your face!

Thank you!

Oh, yeah, DeVonta, you are a special kind of guy.

Yeah. You can never leave Philadelphia.

Is that a compliment or a threat?

Yes.

Delicious.