Original subtitles

It's friggin' freezin' out there.

Mr. J, I know you told us to go gentle with the thermostat,

but I am cranking mine all the way up to 70.

Well, set that bad boy to 72, Mel.

The repair guy finally showed up.

He's down in the basement

fixing whatever's wrong with the heater.

Only a genius could fix that furnace,

and this bub don't smell like no genius to me.

Alright, folks, I got good news and I got bad news.

Why do you repair guys always say that?

I don't know. 'Cause I don't actually have any good news.

Your furnace is broken.

It's a miracle she's pumping out any heat at all.

And whose fault is that? The district's.

I didn't want to open it up for a guessing game.

Mr. J's been trying to get you down here for months.

So, is this something you can fix right now

as quietly as you can?

Or something you'll address over break

while I'm on the beach and don't care how loud you are?

You're not understanding me.

You need to close the school. Now.

Alright, I'll bite.

Where's the cookie from?

Well, it's been a good run,

but we got to shut the school down for good.

I hope the first graders have learned enough

to keep them off the st-- We are not shutting down the school

on the last day before break.

Yeah, it's winter show day.

And my students have sold tickets to their parents,

their aunts, anyone who feels guilt.

It's part of our lesson on percentages and skimming.

But the repair guy says--

He's bluffing.

It would have been the same story

if he came out two months ago

and we made those two months.

Yeah, the only reason the furnace

needs to be replaced today is because he's here today.

Well, suit yourself,

but any more strain

and that furnace is gonna crack.

Hey, hey, hey! Don't leave me!

Take me with you! Hey, calm down.

We'll just give the furnace a stress-free day.

We'll turn the heat down on the third floor

and move those kids downstairs

and then double-up on second-floor classrooms.

Ooh! Is that my Harvard showing?

Stress-free sounds great.

Like, physically, I'm here,

but mentally, I'm already in the tub,

two nogs deep, Dean Martin playing in the background.

Would y'all take my warning seriously if I had hair?

Brr! It's cold out there.

I hope Jack Frost has 401K matching

because he is working overtime.

You just said that in the parking lot.

I'm trying to see how much mileage I can get out of it.

You two, your winter show doesn't involve temperatures

above the high 60s, does it?

Oh, ask Jacob. I know you assigned it

to both of us, but I didn't want to do it.

Which worked out because I really wanted to do it.

Well, it better be good.

I'd hate to be disappointed by you two yet again.

All decisions were made by Jacob.

I didn't weigh in because I do not care.

See? That's the difference between you and me.

I don't care about anything, and yet I be weighing.

This winter show-- it's gonna be a whole vibe shift,

starting with the mood music.

Think Sufjan Stevens' second holiday album.

Yawn. It's pronounced "Soof-yawn."

You really thought that was the best choice

for the winter show? I did.

I also thought you said you didn't care.

You're right.

I don't.

Do your thing.

Okay.

Good morning, Janine. Morning, Barbara.

And happy birthday!

What are you gonna do to celebrate?

Okay, so, last night, I was still 29.

I go to Rubinstein's and turn up with my friends.

Mm. But today I'm 30.

Very adult.

So I'll be going to a very mature dinner

with Gregory and my mommy.

Your mother? Yeah.

Oh! And she is arriving now.

"Breezing past the front door biddies,

meet you in the room with the sad people and the free food."

She's on her way here!

I'm really happy my mom can make it for my birthday dinner.

I'm turning 30, and this is a real chance

to start a new relationship with her

and just breeze into a new decade of life.

Whew! It is cold outside!

I can't believe I left my house today.

Mom! Welcome back to Abbott!

Happy birthday! Thank you.

And happy 30th anniversary to me

for creating a whole-ass person.

Mom.

Okay, well, I know you want to get your coffee. Yes.

But I do need to run back to my classroom,

so you guys just catch up and come meet me whenever, okay?

Alright. Mm-hmm.

Hello, Vanetta.

Mm.

Mm! "Glom-ma"?

Is that like a gay llama or something?

That's cute. Thank you.

So, this is the first birthday that you have been in town for

since Janine started here at Abbott.

And I'm just wondering,

what brings you around this year?

Oh, ease up, Mrs. Lady.

I'm just here to support my daughter

in her time of crisis. What crisis?

Losing a man like Tariq.

Still teaching the second grade.

When is she gonna get promoted to third?

That's not how it works-- And you know what's even sadder?

Janine ain't got no friends.

See, when I was turning 30,

I wasn't inviting my mama nowhere.

I was down in ATL at Magic City

eating chicken wings off of strippers' butts.

But my 30-year-old daughter is celebrating her birthday

with her backup boyfriend, uh, George.

Gregory. Whatever.

And her mom, who people are surely

gonna think is her sister

who is also not here.

You get it now?

However Janine chooses to celebrate,

that is what she wants to do.

And I can assure you she's not in a crisis.

She is, in fact, doing quite well.

It's like you weren't even listening

to nothing I was saying.

Janine's life is tragic.

She needs her mother.

Bye, girl.

You--

Alright, kids, find a new classroom and squeeze in.

This floor is a movieplex today.

Yeah. Hustle it up.

We got a date with Bruce in five minutes.

"Die Hard" in five.

And in my classroom, we'll be watching

"The Nightmare Before Christmas."

Wait, no. "A Nightmare on Elm Street."

Oops. My bad.

"Muppet Christmas Carol."

Mixed up my Freddies with my Fozzies.

I'm telling you, the furnace ain't a happy girl.

You're playing with fire.

Oh, please. If we listened to you,

we'd be home by now. Yeah.

Damn.

Tricked myself into working.

Hey, uh, Dia said these came for you.

Yes!

What the hell is this?

Do you love it?

Doesn't totally seem like you do,

but maybe you're doing one of those fake-outs.

It feels like I'm in a Crown Royal bag.

You wouldn't believe how much chiffon you can get from Amazon

on an elementary school play's budget.

The theme of this year's show is the color purple.

The movie?

No. The color. Purple.

It's inclusive, in that no winter holiday includes it.

You know, if you don't like it, we could brainstorm.

No need. It's great.

Love purple.

And then you unfold it and... voilá!

Ooh!

Yes, and guess who taught her that.

Lambchop! Vanetta.

Unh-unh, no, girl. I taught you snowflakes.

And guess who taught me?

Nobody 'cause I had to do everything my damn self.

Okay. Nope, guys.

The next step is the most important-- glitter.

Ooh! Look at you getting the hang of this teaching stuff.

Yeah, I really am.

I started a fashion club, with members and everything.

And they're gonna walk the runway at the winter show.

It's, like, small, but it's cute.

Mom, this is incredible, amazing human being is Gregory Eddie.

Ohhh! Okay.

Nice to meet you, Gregory Eddie.

It's nice to finally meet you.

Janine has told me so much.

Mm.

Miss Teagues? I messed up.

Okay. Well, remember, guys--

there are no mistakes in snowflakes,

so we are gonna try another.

I'll be right back.

It's really great that you can come tonight.

So, my firstborn is dating a teacher, huh?

Yeah, I'm a teacher.

You know her last man was a rapper.

Lots of upside there.

Tariq. Y-Yeah. We-- We've met.

Yeah. So, what's your deal?

Huh? Do you rap?

Not on purpose, no.

Mm. I guess your side bitches don't like that, huh?

Um...

Just a, you know, friendly reminder--

we are surrounded by second graders, so...

Oh, child, these kids done heard it all.

Okay. Um...

But I want to assure you

that I do not have any side...

women.

Oh. Ohh!

Low T, huh?

I won't say nothing.

That's n-- Um-- Whew. Okay.

What did I miss?

Oh, did he spoil the big B reveal?

He's from Baltimore.

We hadn't quite gotten there yet.

Oh. Yeah, well, he's cute.

He's not my type, but he's about your speed.

Aww! He is, isn't he?

Mm. I'm so glad you like him.

Mm. Is that what she said?

Ah! I got more kids in my class

than a Mormon bouncy house, but it's working.

Yeah, shutting down the third floor is going great.

I should do it year round and rent it out

as a co-working space.

Yeah, we're gonna make it to the winter show.

Did you hear that, Mr. J?

Uncover your ears.

Well, that's a weird rumble.

Oh, my bad.

Intermittent fasting.

It's hell.

Oh. That rumble.

It's just the school's bones.

Yeah, that's the sound bones make.

Either the rats have elected a new pope,

or the furnace is about to go.

Ohh.

Everybody down another floor!

Okay, everybody, find your homeroom teacher

and ask whose class you're loitering in

for the rest of the day.

I turned the heat down on the second floor

and the thermostat snapped off.

Okay, well, it's not gonna get any more broken.

Let's just throw on a jacket and nut up.

Paying parents are on their way.

Stay calm, Mr. Johnson. You're gonna freak the kids out.

Oh, my God, hurry up!

Alright, guys, so, it's-- it's gonna be a tight squeeze,

but, um, that's okay.

It's only for one more period.

It's always something with this school, huh?

Yeah. You know, it definitely keeps us on our toes,

but I'd say it's exciting that way, right?

Thank you.

Here you go.

I used to get so stressed out when things went wrong here,

but I'm feeling much more confident.

Mm. I'm really coming into my own.

I learned a lot in my 20s.

And turning 30, I think there's a lot to look forward to.

Like what? I don't know.

Maybe saving up and buying a house.

With what money?

Well, that's the "saving up" part.

Look, I don't own a house.

You need to be more realistic about your expectations, honey.

I don't think it's unrealistic.

It's not easy.

Look, I just don't want you to dream so big

that you get crushed, baby.

Yeah. No, right.

I know. Okay.

It was just a thought.

Girl, let that thing go. Yeah.

Well, one of the older kids

accidentally sat on one of my littles,

so we're here early.

What is this now?

Theater in the round. What in the what?

My vision was for the seats to be on a rotating turntable,

but call me a lazy Susan

because I just couldn't get it done.

Well, why not just use the stage like normal shows?

Where everyone can see and you don't have to make eye contact

with the person across from you?

Mm-hmm. Yes. That almost sounds like a note.

But it can't be, as I distinctly remember you saying

you didn't want to give any.

I don't want to give any.

But the choices you're making leave me with no option.

Mr. Eddie, why is it purple in here?

Don't nobody know, Meera.

Don't nobody know.

Go on, take a seat.

Uh...

Vanetta, may I have a word with you, please?

What now?

I couldn't help but overhear what you said to Janine earlier

about her dream of buying a house.

Oh, you couldn't help it, huh?

You know, you got a real problem minding your business.

You know that? Janine is telling you about things,

that she's excited about, her hopes and dreams,

and you're acting like they won't happen.

Because they won't.

See, as her mother,

my job is to keep her grounded.

Listening to people like you is only gonna get her broke.

To some people,

it might just sound like you're jealous.

Oh, really? Well, what people might that be?

'Cause I know they're not finna say it to my face.

Don't you want your daughter to be happy?

Of course I do. I'm her mother.

Well, she's happy now.

Be happy she's happy.

Ooh, okay, purple circles!

Now, this is theater.

Okay. In 45 minutes, we'll be on break,

and in an hour, I will be drunk-dialing Wendy's.

We're right on schedule.

And with all these people, it's actually warm in here.

Yeah. Does anyone else not hear that?

Not hear what?

So you don't hear it, too?

Oh, you all look so good!

I finally get why they call her Anna Winter.

Alright, go ahead. Get ready.

You know, too bad they didn't have fashion club

when you were in school.

Why? 'Cause then I would have dressed better?

No. I think you would have really enjoyed it.

Oh.

You know, I was thinking--

I really can see you owning a house.

Yeah, you were always better with money than I was, so...

Oh! Speaking of.

Happy birthday, baby.

Yes! You can start on that down payment.

Mom, you did not have to get me anything.

Mm-hmm, but I did. A dollar for every year.

Once again, I am 30, though.

Yeah, but they don't make $30 bills now, do they?

You are right.

Thank you, Mom.

Aww, you're welcome, sweetheart.

I'm so proud of you.

Alright, well, do you want to go ahead and take a seat?

'Cause the show's about to start.

I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom instead.

Okay. And then you'll come take a seat?

Girl, I gave you $20. Now, don't be greedy.

Uh-oh.

Easy, girl.

Easy.

Sup?

We're about to have a real big problem at Abbott.

There she is, the birthday girl.

How's your day going?

You know, honestly, it's kind of perfect.

I think my mom and I are actually rounding the corner

on our relationship, so...

That's wonderful, sweetheart.

Thank you.

Gregory, would you mind, uh, helping me move this tree?

Sure, I can help you move this fake tree made out of wood.

Which real trees are already made out of.

What an astute observation. Mm-hmm.

Actually, while I got you, one more.

Is it another abomination?

You tell me, Gregory.

I have nothing to say.

Really? You don't have a problem with this rainbow tree?

Maybe something about how trees like this aren't natural?

You're setting me up.

I am setting you up to participate, okay?

I love your input. I don't need your criticism.

And if you don't like the LGBTree,

well, then I have a Q for you--

would you please take your seat?

Why you look so smug?

I was right.

The furnace finally died, and there's no more heat.

Well, too bad, so sad.

The district will fix it over the break,

like we told them they would.

Yeah, and for the rest of the day,

it's pretty toasty in here.

I hope you like your toast wet.

♪ Snow ♪

♪ In Wisconsin, it snows ♪

Snow!

Oh.

Jacob got fake snow?

It tastes like crap.

It's dust.

Ohh. Ugh!

Oh, shoot!

That's right. There you go.

Come on. Carefully, now.

Straight out the door.

So, how's that plan working?

Hey, who do I need to speak to about a refund?

'Cause-- No refunds. Merry Christmas.

Mr. Johnson, call the repair guy.

He's on his way, and so is a water slide installer.

We'll see who we want to go with when they arrive.

Alright, have a great break, everyone.

Oh, here, take-- take some grapes.

It would have made sense if we got to do the show.

Um... Well, I managed to save this.

The LGBTree!

See? Huh? I knew you liked my ideas.

I hated your ideas.

Don't even get me started on the grapes.

But I shouldn't have criticized

if I wasn't gonna help.

So I'm sorry.

That is mean...

but self-aware.

Oh, but the theater in the round was amazing.

Right? Yeah.

Sorry your play got soaked.

Yeah.

But the bunting will be dry

just in time for A Very Purple Saint Patrick's Day.

Well, then the kids can... kiss the Barney Stone.

You alright?

I know I didn't laugh,

but that is the funniest thing you have ever said by a mile.

Nice.

Mom, thank you so much for coming.

I'm sorry the school started crying.

Ah, don't worry about it, baby.

I am looking forward to dinner tonight.

Yeah, me too. Gregory seems like a good man.

He paying, right? Yes, he's paying.

He planned the entire night.

He's really detail-oriented.

Sometimes I think, if we ever have a wedding,

he's just gonna have so much fun with the seating chart.

A wedding? You pregnant?

No. No. Oh.

It's just marriage, buying a house,

they just seem like the, uh, natural next steps

for a brand-new 30-year-old.

Well, I never got married.

I might.

Well, it's still new.

You guys are in the early stages.

Y'all don't live together yet.

And he doesn't know the real you yet, does he?

The real me?

I say this with love, babe,

but you know you annoying, right?

Okay, I know I may, like, occasionally get

a little over enthused, but--

Look, all I'm gonna say is I had my pick of men

begging to marry me.

But you and your sister would drive them

right on out the house.

You better watch that if Gregory ever asks you

to move in with him.

Just my two cents.

Mm.

You know what, Mom? Um... Yeah?

...I don't think that you need to come to dinner tonight.

Are you serious? I sat up here all day

and watched these kids snatch boogers out their nose.

Right. It's been a long day.

So you should probably go home and get some rest.

But thank you so much for the card.

Okay.

Well, happy birthday or... Thank you.

...whatever.

Wasting my whole damn day.

Well, definite burstage,

serious floodness,

and your furnace is completely done-zo.

So, is that an official diagnosis or...?

Ah, you're gonna need a brand-new one.

Fine. One new furnace. And a nice one this time.

Oh, no, not a new furnace. A new school.

Come again? Excuse me?

At least for a while.

This isn't gonna be some quick repair job.

Yeah, okay, but we've been in a place

where the school wasn't in fighting shape.

You know, we manage. Great.

Well, you'll have no heat, no water, no usable kitchen.

You're gonna need significant drywall repair.

Otherwise, you're gonna get black mold.

Yeah, see, I don't think you're understanding

the level of infrastructure we're used to.

Plus, construction guys coming in and out all day,

and your whole parking lot's gonna be totally taken over.

Wh-Where will we park?

Mm. I don't know.

Ooh! The street.

We need a new school, y'all.

I hate to say that I told you so.

Because I like to sing it.

♪ I told you sooooo ♪

Hey. Hey. You ready?

Yeah. Where's your mom?

She's not coming. Oh.

Okay. Everything alright?

Yeah. I'll tell you about it over dinner.

Okay.

Ohh, Lord have mercy.

Hey, Barbara. Hey.

Do you have any dinner plans tonight?

My mom actually can't make it, so...

I'd love to join.

Okay. Good.

So, instead of sipping Mai Tais on the beach all break,

Our hero, Ava Coleman,

has been looking for a new school building.

Zillow, Craigslist, Tinder, the works.

Turns out I have to use the options

the school district gave me.

Welcome to the brand-new Abbott Elementary!

It's an old mall, okay?

We're gonna make it work.

Happy holidays.