Original subtitles

♪ Beetly-bee, beetly bop ♪

♪ The ghost of the forest is Mr. Bee-bop ♪

Boo!

Yes! Goosebumps.

You all are doing such wonderful work.

So, what are everybody's Halloween plans?

Just the usual.

Trick or treating.

We're too old for that.

Yeah, I'm probably just gonna T.P. some houses.

What? Egg some apartments.

- Yeah. - Ding dong ditch, maybe.

- No. - Yeah!

No, no, no, no, no.

What else are we supposed to do?

We outside it with, Mrs. Howard.

Is there any way for us to be outside with it

without vandalism?

- Probably not. - I doubt it.

What? I'm even thinking about starting a small fire.

No, no.

If you like fire and being outside

and holding on to rolls of toilet paper,

why don't we go on a camping trip?

Yes. Go on a camping trip.

And that way, we are all outside with it together.

Okay, Mrs. Howard.

Thank you.

Can we still throw eggs at something?

I'll think about it.

She said yes. She said yes.

I did not say yes.

Excuse me, sweetheart.

Barb has been in such a good mood lately.

Which is great because the rest of us

are hanging on by a thread,

energetically speaking.

It's been a trying start to the year.

I mean, it's not even November yet

and everyone's already fried.

Not Barb, though. She's amped.

I, however, am so tired that I called one of my students

Mom the other day.

Gregory-- Stop touching me!

Oh, no one's-- No one's touching you.

Sorry. I'm so tired.

All right, let's get this over with.

Halloween-- Tasha, it's your turn this year.

What do you have planned?

So I'm gonna have the kids go to the gym.

I'm gonna put on what I call the "Halloweentown" trilogy.

First we're watching "Halloween,"

then we're watching "The Town,"

and then we're watching "Halloweentown."

And then we're going home.

Love it. Your lack of effort is finally paying off.

Next up, election day. Let's skip it.

Excuse me. It has come to my attention

that some of the students who are too old

for trick or treating would still like to be outside.

And so I was thinking,

how about Halloween camping?

Why? Barb.

Oh, that sounds fun.

Ooh. Dom, from mentor to mentee, less.

You want to take 600 kids camping? No.

Barb, that just feels like a ton of work.

Not the whole school, just the students who are in clubs.

This way we are giving them

something constructive to do and not boring.

But you still need permission slips, permits,

chaperones, equipment.

I've obtained a camping site and a permit online.

I've printed out permission slips.

My church is allowing us to use their camping gear.

My music class is in and Dom's in.

Oh, no, I can't.

Sounds really fun,

but I'll be volunteering at a homeless shelter.

Oh. You'll be volunteering at the homeless shelter?

Performative ass.

Just out of curiosity,

where exactly is this homeless shelter?

All right, all right. I know my friends are in.

I'm not.

Yeah, Barb, I'm so, so tired.

Me. Janine is tired.

Yeah, Barb, I love your energy,

but, um, you look like a bed to me right now.

I was gonna fill my tanks

with a re-watch of "Jersey Housewives."

I don't want to do this.

Okay, fine. I will go it alone.

Great.

No. You know what? We're gonna do it.

We'll go with you, Barb.

Excellent, excellent.

Oh, and by the way, costumes mandatory, hah!

♪ The ghost in the forest is Mr. Bee-bop ♪

♪ Beetly-bee ♪

Well, the meeting wasn't over, but you know what?

Hell yeah. Y'all have fun camping. Hey.

Hey, Melissa, real quick,

you out your mind?

Okay, you think I want to do this?

I don't want to do this.

Those middle schoolers are running me ragged.

I am April tired in October.

But, you guys, this is Barb we're talking about.

Two minutes in, she's gonna get dirt under her nails,

she's gonna step on some orange slug, and boom,

she's out of there, badda-beep, badda-boom, badda-bim-bom.

I'm tired. You're right.

Barb doesn't even like picnics.

I know, cause I've invited her countless times.

She never shows.

Fine. But if I'm not horizontal by 6:00 p.m.,

I'm gonna cry for the first time in my entire life.

You didn't cry as a baby? Unh-unh.

We are gonna get you your weekend, buddy.

Yeah. She's not gonna last an hour.

Yeah, one measly hour. I mean, how bad could it get?

Nope.

This [bleep] sucks.

Okay, step team girlies.

Let's go over there and put up our tents

in the nice, clean, non-cursing, beautiful air.

There is nothing like good old fresh air.

She seems to be enjoying this?

Okay, all we got to do is remind her

how much she hates roughing it.

I'm on it.

Hey, uh, Barb.

So, looked around.

Doesn't seem to be a pre-built fire pit anywhere.

Looks like we're gonna have to just get in the dirt

and do it ourselves.

Yeah, digging a hole-- Not as easy as you'd think.

I can dig a pit.

Gerald loves it when I bury him in the sand at the beach.

Okay, but dig with that fresh manicure?

And that, my young friend,

is why God invented the shovel.

Say, did anybody happen to bring

any rat-proof storage for the food?

Because these woodland vermin,

they carry way more diseases than urban vermin.

I feel you, Jacob.

And that is why I brought rodent repellent.

And they are ultrasonic.

Those need to be set at 45-degree angles to work.

Ava? What are you doing here?

Well, I've prepped for the end of the world,

but the world keeps refusing to end,

so I might as well make use of my gadgets.

Try my new portable stove.

These people do not know how to survive in the woods.

And since it's more expensive to replace them,

I have to make sure they make it.

Well, um, thank you, wizard Ava.

I'm Darth Ma.

Genius. I don't get it.

Darth Maul is from "Episode One,"

which is actually the fourth,

and Octavia Spencer played Ma in the 2019 film "Ma,"

which wasn't a box-office smash--

Too much information. Yeah.

Let me guess your costumes.

Ooh! Park ranger.

Oh!

We're "Sinners."

I'm Ryan Coogler, and Janine is an IMAX screen.

Ugh.

Pigtail girl from Matilda.

I'm Greta Thunberg. The director?

No.

April O'Neil. Mm-hmm.

And alone at home sits Sweet Cheeks

in a letter-perfect Shredder costume.

Oh, man. You really hate to miss that.

Well, I guess I won best costume yet again.

Would love if one of you guys would step it up next year.

Now who wants fire?

We were just talking about it, actually.

Just pulled this puppy out of the box.

She's got a frickin' fire starter.

Oh, that's not working.

I don't think that's working.

Barb, if we don't have fire, we got to go home.

Yeah. If we can't start a fire, then I guess we gotta go home.

- Oh, no. - We tried.

Give me a minute.

Yeah, give her a minute. Sheesh.

♪ Kumbaya, my lord ♪

♪ Kumbaya ♪

Amen!

Geez Louise. She's getting stronger.

I'm gonna lose it.

We do still have one iron in the fire.

Ava hasn't started the fire.

Yeah, true.

Hey, ain't no walking around here all willy-nilly.

Where you come from?

The bathroom.

And it is gross in there.

And I did not help.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

Guys, that's it. Game over.

Barbara's not going to want to use a nasty bathroom.

One whiff away from freedom. Yeah.

Hey, Barb, did you know that using a restroom

regularly helps prevent osteoporosis?

Girlfriend, I had no idea. I will go right away.

Mrs. Howard, the bathroom is that way.

No, sweetheart, mine is that way.

I rented the 2025 Meadow Flusher Deluxe.

Out of pocket, of course.

Damn, she really did think of everything.

Genuinely concerned we hadn't noticed that.

- Yeah. - Huge.

Now, which one should I use?

Lavender scented or vanilla?

Vanilla! Jacob.

I like to vote.

Thank you.

I can't believe this.

That's like what they have at Coachella.

I know. You've been to Coachella?

No, I've never been. I've seen pictures.

It's so clean.

I could sleep in here.

Smokey the Bear was right.

I can start a wildfire with my bare hands.

We are never getting out of here.

All right, everyone, gather round, gather round.

It is delegation time.

Uh, Gregory,

you and the goofballs

are in charge of firewood collection duty.

Sure. Could have been in bed before sunset,

but come on, y'all, let's go pick up some sticks.

Melissa, dinner duty.

It's just heating up some canned beans.

And, Ava,

did I hear you mention something about a portable stove?

I mentioned the portable stove.

The Coleman Stoveman.

Available in several colors on AvaColeman.net.

Wonderful.

Why don't you get that together for Melissa?

You want to give beans to 60 kids?

That's what you want to do, Barb?

Okay. Steppers with me.

Oh, um, okay, then I guess I will just go

help Gregory and the goofballs.

Mm.

♪ Jacob ♪

Squonk watch? What?

Squonk watch?

What's squawk wash?

Don't tell me you don't know about the Pennsylvania squonk.

The reclusive, wart-covered creature that lives in the woods

and only comes out at night?

Jacob, I am not a child.

Do not try to frighten me.

Hey, white girl, what did you say about that squonk?

A captive audience.

Well, gather round, everyone, for I have a tale to tell.

There's no firewood out here. We're in a park.

It's just twigs and empty fast food bags.

And most of these twigs aren't dry enough to be burnt.

Yeah, you're right.

All right, well, if they're dry, bring them.

Fast food bags may be the best we're going to get.

Well, this area looks promising here.

I wouldn't, Miss Teagues. That's poison ivy.

Oh. Uh, good eye, Alex.

Your goofballs sure do know a lot.

Yeah, well, some of them have been here for a few years now.

It's actually really nice to connect

with the kids year after year.

Aw. That's beautiful. Mm.

What the hell? I wanna connect.

Oh, I know. Hmm?

Hold on.

Been a while since I went worming. Mm-hmm.

Ah-ha!

Hey, anyone want to see a worm?

The worm's kind of shaped like Mr. Eddie.

Uh, no, no, no.

Mr. Eddie is much more handsome.

And has more muscles and arms, right, y'all?

Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Wow.

Where did all of this come from?

You know, I had it with me.

So Barb had this great idea of feeding everybody

nothing but baked beans.

Clearly has never seen "Blazing Saddles."

So I figure we order up some groceries,

get them delivered, make some real food, and we all live.

How's it looking with that stove, Ava?

Great.

Ohh!

Right. Okay, so I guess

I'll just feed all this stuff to the squirrels

and order some pizzas.

No, give me a second to build one out of stone.

Step team, look alive.

Grab a buddy and start collecting flat rocks.

We found this thing they call a phone book.

Oh, wonderful.

Now, the man had warned Jenny not to talk to anyone

after dark, but Jenny didn't listen.

She approached the strange figure.

- Why would she do that? - Where are Jenny's friends?

But that's the Squonk.

It wasn't the Squonk.

Any ideas who it was?

Wow, look at all this.

Kind of seems like we might not be going home tonight after all.

Yeah. That sucks. You know what doesn't?

This garlic sauce.

It was the last person the Squonk had killed.

It was a...

- Ghost! - It's a squonk ghost!

Oh, it's just Mr. Johnson.

I'm not a ghost.

I'm Denzel Washington in "Gladiator 2."

King Kong ain't got crap on me.

That quote's not from that movie.

I'm a man on fire. Almost.

Hey, should we go get those kids

that definitely just ran off into the woods?

Yes. Yeah.

Y'all go left.

I'm gonna grab my emergency equipment and go right.

Needs salt.

Who asked you, Casper?

Get out of my kitchen.

It's going to take me like 30 seconds

to find them with my industrial thermal imaging device.

Indecipherable.

How does the Predator live like this?

Guess it's time to do it the old-fashioned way.

Assess the environment.

Pick up their scent.

Identify changes to the flora.

Students, where are you?!

- Here! - Behind a tree!

- We're over here! - Who was it?

I don't think they would have come this far.

I don't know.

One time I scared by my own shadow and I flew to Bryn Mawr.

Just ran all the way there.

Maybe we should turn around.

What? Squonk!

What? No.

It wasn't a squonk. It's a squirrel. It's a squirrel.

A squirrel, it's a squirrel in a Checkers bag.

Okay. Oh, my God. All right.

Whew. Where? It was that Checkers bag.

Oh, wait, was it that Checkers bag?

Why are there so many Checkers bags?

Because their fries are delicious.

Are we lost?

Hey, yo. We lost?

It's been 30 minutes.

Guys, I'm really starting to worry about Janine and Gregory.

They are fine.

If they got in any trouble, they'd just call.

Yeah, I guess.

You know, I'm just going to call them just to make

super duper sure they are okay.

Mr. Johnson: Whoa.

That phone rang just as you dialed.

Almost as if you were calling that exact phone.

I'm so sick of them not getting my jokes.

This is Janine's phone.

And this is Gregory's.

We wouldn't be in this predicament

if we had... fences, right?

Like Denzel in the movie.

He did not say fences in the movie "Fences."

Nope.

I didn't realize I was dealing with a bunch

of movie experts.

Okay, they are in the woods without their phones.

Okay. Phoneless out here?

Not great. They're not me. They don't have the skills.

All right, I'm gonna pass out.

- No. - Okay.

You can literally see a Lowe's from the steps of the bathroom.

They're fine.

No, no, no, no. This is literally my fault.

I'm gonna go look for them.

I'm coming with. Great.

Ava, I need your life saver.

You gonna have to take it from me.

Thank you.

We're coming!

It's official merchandise.

Gregory, can I ask you a question

that I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to?

Yeah. Um, are we, like, a deeply lost, huh?

Right? I wouldn't say deeply.

Okay.

Because to me, it just kind of feels like,

you know, we're completely in the dark

and we don't know which way to go.

We don't know where the kids are.

We're going to get squonked.

Hey, it's okay. We're still within the city.

Okay. Just gotta get our bearings.

Are you looking for a rescue plane?

No, but you can see the stars from here.

See, there's Orion's belt and the Big Dipper.

Oh, and there's Mufasa right there.

Might not be a quiet night at home,

but it is really beautiful out here.

Yeah, it really is.

Make sure to stay close, Barb.

Oh, and keep an eye out for poison ivy.

Not entirely sure what it looks like, but--

Oh, my God,

remember when Gregory stole gardening from us?

Feel free to jump in on this conversation, Barb.

Barb?

Ow!

Did you hear that?

Wait, where are you going? Don't leave me!

You know, it was really cool

seeing you out here with the goofballs earlier.

Kind of made me want to start my own club.

What about step club?

That's really more Ava's thing now,

and I love that for her.

And the kids.

Kind of want to do a club with something

I'm really good at.

Okay. What kind of club would you start?

I don't know yet.

It'll come to you.

Worm club? That's too niche.

Yeah. Yeah.

How about like a shoe club? Squonk club?

Ooh, gardening club.

I think you could sleep on it.

What about fashion club?

Fashion club?

Yeah. I made this.

I think the kids would really love that.

And I also think you'd be good at it.

Mm.

Aah! It's a damn squonk.

It's just me.

It's not a squonk. It's an earth angel.

Barbara, you found us.

I was worried about you.

Oh, thank you.

You know, camp is only about 30 yards that way.

Oh.

Just as beautiful as I remember.

Look at you. How you doing?

How are the kids? How old are they now?

They're fine and accounted for and eating by the fire.

All right, well, let's head out.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know, we've got everything under control down there.

So, um, why don't you two just enjoy some more peace and quiet?

Thanks, Barb.

Nothing like the great outdoors.

Okay.

And I'm just out there just thinking, like, is this it?

Is this where we die?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I could hear youse guys talking,

like, from here. Okay, well,

I'm just happy to be back in front of this amazing fire.

You're damn right it's amazing.

That's a Coleman-brand fire. TM.

Oh, she's leaning.

Mr. Johnson, if you would.

Boop!

- Ooh! - Whoa!

Never underestimate the power of trash.

Um, hello. I hate to intrude,

but, uh, I'm gonna have to insist you all

disperse immediately.

What? Why?

Well, you're breaking about 500 different laws.

Name one, khaki man.

Well, Denzel from "Gladiator 2,"

there's trespassing to start.

Then we've got you cooking next to foliage.

Open flame on public space.

Burning trash, unauthorized gathering.

No, no, no, no, no. We have a permit.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Uh, yeah, that says PhillyParksAccess.cob.

We're PhillyParkAccess.com. It's invalid, okay?

All right, so we're all set up, right?

So maybe we can just stay the night, right?

'Cause everyone wants to stay the night.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

And we'll clean everything up.

Nobody will ever know we were here.

I'm sorry, IMAX screen and Ryan Coogler.

Oh, he got it.

No, this isn't even a sanctioned campsite.

You know what?

I don't think I like the tone of your voice there, slim.

Well, I'm loving yours, April O'Neil.

Oh. Thank you.

Think about the children.

Kids, give him your sad faces.

- Do it. - No, no. All right.

Hold the phone.

Whose, uh, Meadow Flusher is that?

It depends. It's ours.

Yeah, and compared to the bathrooms here in the park,

it is basically the Taj Mahal.

Compared to my house, it's the Taj Mahal.

Well, you could use it.

If we can stay.,

Deal. Really?

Yeah. IBS tribe, baby girl.

Just, uh, promise me you guys are out of here by 9:00 a.m.

tomorrow, okay?

I've got a hackysack league semifinals tomorrow,

and my hands are tied.

Give the one on the right a few minutes.

Good looking out, little Loompa.

♪ The ghost of the forest is Mr. Bee-bop ♪

You know, this is the first morning

in I don't know how long that I woke up

and did not immediately yawn.

Same. I'm feeling legitimately rested.

You guys, the pep is officially returning to my step.

I knew they needed a little rejuvenation.

This trip was as much for them as it was for the students.

Imagine always being right.

Anyone want a high-capacity 3,000-liter

water filtration system?

Yoink.

That's right.

I am no longer a gadget-reliant prepper.

I'm the supreme gadget. I'm ready for anything.

- Geez. - The squonk!

No, I am not the squonk.

I am Jacob Merrill Hill.

Sounds squonky.

I got lost last night and I-- I slept in the woods.

Oh, my God. Jacob, are you okay?

It was so bad back there.

Can you tell me if I have any, um, poison ivy on my back?

Jesus!

Must have blessed you

'cause you got nothing going on back there.

It's crazy.

I freaking missed you guys.

Mm, no.