Original subtitles

- COME ON, WENDELL. WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.

- UNCLE VINNIE, PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO TO YOUR SHOP.

IT'S SO BORING.

- NO, NO, NO, NO.

YOU ARE COMING TO THE SHOP WITH ME.

YOU PROMISED ME A MONTH AGO.

- HOW IS IT YOU REMEMBER THAT,

AND YOU'VE LEFT ME AT FOUR DIFFERENT GAS STATIONS?

- CLASSIC ME.

LOOK, IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME

THAT YOU TAKE AN INTEREST IN MY WORK.

BESIDES, I CAN'T LEAVE YOU HERE ALONE.

IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S A GAS STATION.

- I'LL BE FINE.

THIS IS AMERICA.

WE HAVE A 60-INCH BABYSITTER RIGHT HERE.

I CAN JUST DO MY HOMEWORK AND WATCH TV.

- DON'T LIE TO ME.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA WATCH TV.

- UGH.

- WILMA'S HERE. SHE CAN WATCH ME. YES!

- NO, NO, NO.

LOOK, I--I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN FOUR DAYS.

YOU DO NOT WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME.

I CAME TO BORROW YOUR WHITE NOISE MACHINE.

- OH, IT'S GOT MORE THAN WHITE NOISE.

IT'S GOT WAVES, RAIN...

- MORGAN FREEMAN AGREEING WITH SOMEBODY.

MM-HMM.

UH-HUH.

MM-HMM.

IT'LL KNOCK YOU RIGHT OUT.

- WOW, ALL RIGHT. I'LL TAKE IT.

- UH, I THOUGHT YOU TOOK SLEEPING PILLS?

- YEAH, MY DOCTOR USED TO PRESCRIBE THEM TO ME

UNTIL HE WENT TO JAIL FOR--

WELL, NOT BEING A DOCTOR.

- MORNING!

WHERE ARE MY SHINING FACES?

- OH, SUCK AN EGG, HILLBILLY.

- YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE MY SISTER.

SHE'S SUFFERING FROM INSOMNIA,

ALSO SHE'S A HORRIBLE PERSON.

- OOH, YOU KNOW WHAT CURES INSOMNIA?

EXERCISE.

AND YOU KNOW WHO STARTED TEACHING

A HIP-HOP CLASS AT SWEATS GYM?

ME.

- HEY, TARYN GOT A JOB?

WHO HAD 2013 IN THE POOL BY THE WAY?

WENDELL!

- [scoffs]

WILMA, I GUARANTEE THIS WILL CURE YOUR INSOMNIA.

PLUS THE CLASS IS A BLAST.

- OH, MY GOD, THAT SOUNDS SO AWFUL.

BUT I'M DESPERATE, SO YEAH, WHATEVER, I'M IN, YEAH.

- YOU ARE NOT GONNA REGRET THIS.

- HERE YOU GO, AUNT WILMA.

IT'S SET TO WATERFALL,

SO GO EASY ON THE LIQUIDS BEFORE BED.

TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO LEARNED THE HARD WAY.

- COME ON, WENDELL, LET'S GET TO WORK.

- YOU'RE NOT EVEN READY FOR WORK.

- AH, RIGHT.

NOW I'M READY.

- YOU KNOW, UH, IF WE PASS A GAS STATION ON THE WAY THERE,

YOU COULD JUST DROP ME OFF.

[quirky brass music]

- I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- SO WAIT A MINUTE

HEY

I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- [blows]

20! HA-HA!

[all groaning]

- UH, UNCLE VINNIE, WHAT HAPPENED?

- THIS IS HAMMER OF CONQUEST.

A 20 MEANS HIS STRENGTH IS RAISED BY TWO POINTS

AND HIS AGILITY IS RAISED BY THREE POINTS.

- NOW I SHALL ATTACK YOUR RIGHT ELF FLANK

WITH MY DINO CAVALRY.

[all shouting]

HO-HO-HO, YEAH!

- [scoffs] HE JUST MOVED A PIECE AN INCH.

- I KNOW, HE'S A MANIC!

- SHOULDN'T YOU BE GETTING TO WORK?

- THIS IS WORK.

YOU SEE, I CREATE A RELAXED, CLUB-LIKE ATMOSPHERE,

SO CUSTOMERS FEEL COMFORTABLE

SPENDING THEIR HARD-EARNED MONEY,

OR IN DARREN'S CASE, HIS ALLOWANCE.

- ATTENTION, EVERYONE!

WE JUST GOT A NEW SHIPMENT OF COMICS--

WHAT?

SOMEONE ROLLED A 20, AND NO ONE CALLED ME?

GUYS, I DIDN'T GET THIS CELL PHONE

JUST TO HEAR ABOUT MOTHER'S HIP.

[cell phone beeping]

AH, IT'S INFLAMED AGAIN.

- RANDALL, YOU REMEMBER MY NEPHEW WENDELL.

- AH, YES, THE BOY RESEMBLES A YOUNG ANAKIN SKYWALKER.

FROM STAR WARS?

- SORRY, I'M NOT REALLY INTO SCIENCE FICTION.

- OKAY. - STAR WARS--

STAR WARS, WENDELL, IS NOT SCIENCE FICTION.

STAR WARS IS FANTASY.

IF I HAD SAID STAR TREK, WHICH IS SCIENCE FICTION,

WELL, THEN YOUR INDIFFERENCE

WOULD AT LEAST MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE.

- WHAT'S STAR TREK?

- OKAY, HE SHOULD BE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU.

- OKAY, I GOT TO GET THE PHONE,

BUT THIS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY FOR WENDELL

TO SEE HOW EXCELLENT CUSTOMER SERVICE IS DONE.

RANDALL. - MM-HMM.

HEY, IDIOT.

WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR T-SHIRT?

- IT'S, UM, SILVER FLASH AND THE TINGLER.

- YEAH, UM, BUT ON YOUR SHIRT

THEY APPEAR TO BE FIGHTING SIDE BY SIDE,

WHICH WOULD NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE THEY'RE MORTAL ENEMIES.

- I JUST BOUGHT IT BECAUSE THIS GUY

LOOKS LIKE MY BROTHER-IN-LAW.

I'M JUST TRYING TO GET MY SON INTO COMICS,

AND I WAS HOPING YOU GUYS HAD SOME ISSUES OF SASSY PATTY.

- OH, YEAH?

[with a lisp] SASSY PATTY?

OKAY, I'M GONNA GO TO THE BACK NOW,

AND I'M GOING TO FIND A SUPERHERO COMIC FOR YOUR SON

THAT HE WILL ACTUALLY ENJOY

BECAUSE, UNLIKE YOU, I DON'T HATE YOUR SON.

- NOT ALL COMICS HAVE TO BE SUPERHEROES.

- I DISLIKE YOU MORE AND MORE EVERY SECOND THAT I KNOW YOU.

- UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

ARE THESE THE COMICS YOU WERE LOOKING FOR?

- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.

- SASSY PATTY VERSUS THE RAINDROP GANG.

SASSY PATTY GOES TO LOLLIPOP CITY.

- WOW.

- JUDGING BY THE COVER ART,

SHE SEEMS TO BE AT HER SASSIEST IN THOSE TWO.

- THOSE ARE PERFECT FOR MY SON.

HEY, THANK YOU, YOUNG MAN.

KEEP THE CHANGE.

- HEY, UNCLE VINNIE. UNCLE VINNIE.

I MADE A SALE.

- OF COURSE YOU DID. IT'S IN YOUR BLOOD.

WHAT'D YOU SELL? - TWO SASSY PATTY COMICS.

- REALLY?

WOW, I USUALLY HAVE TO USE THEM AS PACKING MATERIAL.

WAY TO GO, BUDDY.

- I'M BEGINNING TO SEE WHY YOU LOVE IT HERE.

- I TOLD YOU. RUNNING A STORE IS A LOT OF FUN.

- I HAVE TO ADMIT IT'S KIND OF A RUSH.

I EVEN GOT A TIP.

- NOW YOU'RE A BUSINESSMAN, JUST LIKE ME.

- VINNIE, THE GOBLINS HAVE JUST FIRED ON THE CASTLE!

- IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME. I HAVE AN IMPORTANT MEETING.

- EXCUSE ME, IS THIS INTERMEDIATE BOOTY BOUNCE?

- IT IS. - HEY.

- HI, I'M WILMA. I'M NEW.

- AH, AND I'M JEALOUS.

- YOU DON'T KNOW IT YET,

BUT YOUR WHOLE LIFE'S ABOUT TO CHANGE.

WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO BE SOFT AND FLABBY

JUST TO GET STRONG AND THIN ALL OVER AGAIN.

- PARDON ME?

- I USED TO BE GARBAGE BAG FULL OF MAYONNAISE,

JUST LIKE YOU,

UNTIL THE DANCE INSTRUCTOR COMPLETELY TRANSFORMED MY BODY.

THAT AND THE GUY I MET AT THE BOAT SHOW.

- SO, UM, THIS-- THIS INSTRUCTOR,

SHE'S PRETTY GOOD, HUH?

- MICHAEL JORDAN WAS PRETTY GOOD.

SHE'S GREAT.

- WELCOME TO THE HOUSE OF PAIN, YOU MAGGOTS.

[upbeat music]

FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!

LET'S MOVE IT, PEOPLE!

YOU DANCE LIKE A COW.

ARE YOU A COW?

- NO, DANCE INSTRUCTOR.

- THEN WHY ARE YOU DANCING LIKE ONE?

I WANT TO HEAR YOU MOO!

MOO, COW! MOO!

- [mooing]

- EVERYBODY HATES YOU.

YOUR BABY ISN'T EVEN BORN YET AND IT ALREADY HATES YOU.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT, GLOW STICK?

- NOTHING. I'M NOT LOOKING ANY--

I'M NOT LOOKING AT ANYTHING.

SHE WAS TERRIFYING.

- TARYN?

YOU'RE CRAZY. - NOPE, NO.

SHE'S CRAZY.

S-S-SCREAMING AT PEOPLE.

CALLING THEM HORRIBLE NAMES.

I MEAN, SHE CALLED ME--

IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY,

SHE CALLED ME MAYOR MCFLABBY.

- THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK IRISH.

- IT WAS HUMILIATING.

- YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT SWEET, GENTLE TARYN,

THE WOMAN WHO WON'T SWEAR IN FRONT OF HER PLANTS?

- SHE'S A MONSTER, OKAY?

I'M NEVER GOING BACK TO THAT CLASS.

AND SWEAR TO ME THAT YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HER.

- SHE LIVES RIGHT-- - SWEAR TO ME!

- OKAY!

- HEY, UNCLE VINNIE, I REALLY HAD FUN AT YOUR STORE TODAY.

- HEY, HEY, IT'S OUR STORE.

I REALLY WANT YOU TO SEE THIS AS A FAMILY BUSINESS.

- REALLY? - ABSOLUTELY.

YOU ARE MY FAMILY.

PLUS IT GETS ME AROUND A LOT OF CHILD LABOR LAWS BUT...

- YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY HAD SOME IDEAS

ABOUT STREAMLINING THE OPERATION.

- I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR 'EM.

- I DON'T WANT TO OVERSTEP.

- ARE YOU KIDDING? FIRE AWAY.

- OKAY, FIRST,

INSTEAD OF STACKING THE POSTERS RANDOMLY,

WE ALPHABETIZE THEM AND ORGANIZE THEM BY GENRE.

- WELL...

ACTUALLY, WENDELL, I DO IT THAT WAY

BECAUSE THE BROWSING IS PART OF THE FUN.

I MEAN, SOMETIMES YOU'LL COME ACROSS

SOMETHING YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING, LIKE A TREASURE HUNT.

- OR A TUMOR.

- I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

- YOU KNOW, I ALSO CREATED AN INVENTORY PROGRAM

FOR THE STOCKROOM,

AND I FOUND THIS RARE CHILDREN'S BOOK

IN YOUR OFFICE THAT'S WORTH OVER 300 BUCKS.

- OH, NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT FOR SALE.

THIS IS MINE.

MR. CHICKEN'S BIG JOURNEY

TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT LIFE.

- YOU KNOW THE AUTHOR WENT INSANE, RIGHT?

- I DID NOT, BUT THAT EXPLAINS WHY HE AUTOGRAPHED IT,

"KILL ME, LOVE DRACULA."

YOU KNOW, YOU GOT A LOT OF GREAT IDEAS HERE, WENDELL.

- THANK YOU. THIS IS SO EXCITING.

I THINK I KNOW A WAY WE CAN GET MORE HITS

ON YOUR WEBSITE TOO.

- HEY, IT'S OUR WEBSITE.

- OUR WEBSITE.

SO LET'S WORK TOGETHER

ON SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION RIGHT NOW.

- MM, YOUR WEBSITE. HAVE FUN.

YOU KNOW, JUST, IF YOU SEE ANYTHING IN THE STORE

YOU WANT TO IMPROVE, GO AHEAD AND DO IT.

JUST CLEAR IT WITH ME FIRST.

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? NO.

JUST GO AHEAD AND DO IT.

- IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS BUT BETTER BECAUSE THERE ARE SPREADSHEETS.

[laughter]

- OKAY.

- I HOPE IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO INVOLVE WENDELL IN YOUR STORE.

WENDELL SHOULD BE AROUND SCHOLARS,

NOT A GUY WHO WORE A DIAPER

SO THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE TO PAUSE THE DOCTOR WHO MARATHON.

AH! OH!

[gasping]

- HEY, WILMA.

- HEY--HEY-- HEY, YOU.

- VINNIE, I WAS BORED,

SO I THOUGHT I'D BRIGHTEN UP YOUR DAY

WITH SOME HOMEMADE CUPCAKES.

- OH, TARYN,

HOW TYPICALLY SWEET OF YOU.

- WILMA, IT MEANS SO MUCH THAT YOU FINALLY TOOK MY CLASS.

NOW, BE HONEST...

DID YOU HAVE FUN?

- YEAH.

I HAD SO MUCH FUN.

- OH.

I'M SO GLAD.

SO HOW ARE YOU SLEEPING?

- WELL, ACTUALLY, A LOT BETTER.

THANK YOU.

- PLEASE TELL ME YOU'LL COME AGAIN.

- GAH!

- WOW.

YOU'RE JUMPY JANICE.

CLEARLY MY WORK IS NOT DONE.

YOU ARE COMING TO MY CLASS TOMORROW,

AND I WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

I'LL SEE YOU THERE. OKEYDOKE.

- YAY!

- [panicked panting]

WHA?

- I DON'T KNOW. SHE'S A MONSTER!

I MEAN, FIRST, SHE HELPS YOU WITH YOUR SLEEP PROBLEM,

AND THEN SHE GOES AND BAKES CUPCAKES!

OH, GOD. I WAS SO SCARED.

I WAS SO SCARED!

OH.

I'M STILL GONNA EAT THESE.

- VINNIE! VINNIE. VINNIE.

WE HAVE A SITUATION.

THAT LITTLE MUGGLE IS RUINING YOUR STORE!

- RANDALL, RELAX.

I TOLD WENDELL HE COULD DO ANYTHING HE WANTED.

IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.

- OH, REALLY?

SO YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS?

- NO!

HE CLEARED OFF OUR HAMMER OF CONQUEST GAME?

- YUP. - BUT WE WERE ONLY 83 HOURS IN!

- I WAS ABOUT TO FINALLY MOVE MY PEGASUS.

- LOOK HOW ANGRY HE IS.

- HEY, SO HOW EXCITED ARE YOU

ABOUT THE NEW AND IMPROVED VINNIE'S MANTIQUES?

- "EXCITED" IS NOT THE WORD.

UM, WENDELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR HAMMER OF CONQUEST GAME?

- OH, THAT GAME WAS JUST TAKING UP VALUABLE RETAIL SPACE.

- WHAT ARE THESE?

- LIL' BURPEES.

THEY'RE THE HOTTEST THINGS GOING.

- THEY'RE PURE CONSUMERISM.

- THEY'RE A CRAZE LIKE POGS

OR VACCINES.

- HE'S TURNING THIS INTO SOME CHEAP NOVELTY STORE.

- OH! ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT!

LET'S NOT OVERREACT.

MAYBE THEY'RE NOT THAT BAD.

- REALLY?

- [burps] I LOVE YOU.

- THEY ARE THE DEVIL'S TCHOTCHKES.

- BUT I'VE RUN THE NUMBERS.

IF WE MAKE JUST A COUPLE SLIGHT ADJUSTMENTS IN OUR INVENTORY

AND MAXIMIZE OUR RETAIL SPACE,

I PROJECT OUR SALES WILL INCREASE BY AT LEAST 23%.

- REALLY?

WOW, 23%?

THAT'S A LOT LIKE 25%, WHICH IS A NUMBER I GET.

- THIS WILL BRING IN A TON OF NEW CUSTOMERS,

AND WE CAN FINALLY GET HEALTH INSURANCE

INSTEAD OF THAT FIRST AID KIT

YOU'VE MARKED "HEALTH INSURANCE."

- WAIT, WAIT.

YOU'RE GONNA DRIVE AWAY ALL THE GAMERS

AND TASTEMAKERS AND FANBOYS, THE ELITE.

- IS THAT THE ELITE?

THAT GUY STILL GOES TO A PEDIATRICIAN.

- ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

LOOK, WENDELL, YOU KNOW,

I KNOW I ASKED YOU FOR SOME IDEAS--

- AND IT MEANS SO MUCH

THAT YOU'D SHARE SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT WITH ME.

AND THE BEST PART IS, WE GET TO BE PARTNERS,

LIKE BATMAN AND ROBERT.

- [gasping]

- WELL, I GUESS WE COULD ALWAYS STAND TO MAKE MORE MONEY.

I MEAN, THE SCISSORS IN THAT FIRST AID KIT

ARE PRETTY RUSTY.

- OH, HELLO, AND WELCOME TO VINNIE'S MANTIQUES,

WHERE THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS CUSTOMERS

JUST BEST FRIENDS.

- OKAY, WHERE ARE THOSE RUSTY SCISSORS?

- MOMMY, YOU WERE RIGHT. LIL' BURPEES.

I'M GETTING THIS ONE.

- HERE, I'LL RING THAT RIGHT UP FOR YOU.

- I'M GONNA TWEET THIS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AT SCHOOL.

YOU GUYS ARE ABOUT TO GET BUSY.

- SO IT BEGINS.

- I'M OUT OF HERE.

- YOU GUYS DON'T NEED TO LEAVE.

COME ON.

- PERHAPS NOW IS THE BEST TIME TO FOCUS ON MY CAREER.

I'M GONNA GO ASK FOR MORE SHIFTS AT THE PRETZEL KIOSK.

- MOTHER, LAY OUT MY DAYTIME PAJAMAS,

AND HAVE MY TURTLE MEET ME AT THE DOOR.

- WHOO! YOU READY FOR THIS?

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHO'S GONNA SPEND THE NEXT 40 MINUTES

TRYING TO FORGET THAT HER DOWNSTAIRS AREA

IS GONNA BE RUINED BY CHILDBIRTH?

THIS LADY.

BUMP IT.

- HEY, UM, LOOK, I KNOW YOU GUYS KEEP TALKING

ABOUT HOW MUCH FUN THIS IS BUT IS IT REALLY?

I MEAN, WITH THE SCREAMING AND THE INSULTS.

I MEAN, IS THERE ANYONE WHO'S JUST LIKE,

"AHH, THIS IS TOO MUCH"?

- I DON'T LOVE IT WHEN SHE STEPS ON OUR HANDS.

- BUT SHE MOTIVATES US.

WE NEED IT.

- YOU NEED TO BE CALLED A PIG?

- YES. YES, I DO.

- BUT YOU'RE NOT A PIG.

- TAKE THAT BACK. I AM A PIG.

- WHAT?

NO, NO.

NO, YOU'RE ALL JUST SO SCARED,

YOU'RE TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELVES THAT THIS OKAY.

- IT'S NOT OKAY?

- NO, NO, THE REASON WHY WE TAKE THIS CLASS

IS TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT OURSELVES.

HOW CAN WE DO THAT WHEN THE PERSON TEACHING THE CLASS

TEARS US DOWN EVERY CHANCE SHE GETS?

- YEAH, YOU HAVE A POINT. - RIGHT.

- I DO HAVE A POINT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT, GUYS?

I'MA SAY SOMETHING TO HER. - YOU SHOULD SAY SOMETHING.

- I'MA SAY SOMETHING TO HER. - YEAH, YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT, YOU MAGGOTS. WELCOME TO--

- TARYN, LOOK,

THE INSULTS AND THE SCREAMING HAS GOT TO STOP.

THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO MOTIVATE PEOPLE.

OKAY?

AND FRANKLY,

IT IS HURTFUL AND NOT APPRECIATED.

- OH.

OH.

DOES EVERYONE FEEL THIS WAY?

- NOT ME. - IT'S JUST HER.

- I'M A PIG.

- WHAT?

NO, YOU COWARDS.

- WELL, I HEAR YOU, AND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT THERE'S A BEGINNING CLAP WALKING CLASS NEXT DOOR.

MAYBE THAT'S A BIT MORE YOUR SPEED.

- OKAY. [scoffs]

I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA BREAK ME, SISTER.

LET'S DANCE!

[upbeat music]

- FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?

WELL, I THINK YOUR ONLY CHANCE AT NOT DYING ALONE

IS TO DROP DEAD RIGHT HERE.

LET'S MOVE IT, SISTER!

- THERE YOU GO.

AND I'M SORRY, WE JUST RAN OUT OF BAGS.

- NO PROBLEM.

- UNCLE VINNIE, BUSINESS IS EVEN BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.

- HEY, THAT'S GREAT, PAL.

- UH, I'M GONNA NEED MORE BAGS.

- ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE OUT THERE IN A SECOND, OKAY, PARTNER?

- TURN AND POINT! TURN AND POINT!

TURN AND POINT!

I HAVE YOUR SEVEN YEAR OLD ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.

I WANT YOU TO TELL HIM THERE WON'T BE ANY TRIPS

TO THE BEACH THIS SUMMER

BECAUSE MOMMY LOOKS LIKE A CHUCK.

- HEY, HEY.

TARYN, THAT IS ENOUGH!

- STOP!

YOU SEE THAT RIGHT THERE?

NOW, THAT IS HOW YOU POINT WITH SOME AUTHORITY.

- WHAT?

- SOMEONE ACTUALLY CAME TO CLASS TODAY

WILLING TO PUT SOME PASSION IN THEIR WORK.

GOOD WORK, WILMA. KEEP IT UP.

- I WILL. I WILL KEEP IT UP.

THANK YOU, DANCE INSTRUCTOR.

- NOW QUIT KISSING MY BUTT AND DANCE,

YOU URINE CAKE.

- ANYTHING YOU SAY, DANCE INSTRUCTOR.

ANYTHING YOU SAY.

- FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!

- COME ON, I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE AWAKE RIGHT NOW.

THIS HAD BETTER BE GOOD. - TRUST ME.

I REALLY THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE MY LATEST IDEA.

- HEY!

MY HAMMER OF CONQUEST TABLE!

GRIFFIN.

HIGH LORD VALRION.

TROG THE UNHOLY.

JEFF.

WHERE ARE THE LIL' BURPEES?

- THEY'RE IN THE BACK.

I REALIZED THEY DIDN'T BELONG.

YOU CREATED YOUR OWN WORLD HERE, VINNIE,

AND IT'S PRETTY COOL.

THIS IS YOUR STORE, AND IT SHOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY--

OR MONEY, BUT AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE THINGS.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

- DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

JUST ROLL.

[door opening, bell dinging]

- HEY, YOU'RE OPEN.

IS THIS THE PLACE WITH LIL' BURPEES?

WE WANT TO BUY EVERY LAST ONE.

- IT'S THE BELCH OF AN ANGEL.

- UH, SORRY BUT THIS NOT A TOY STORE.

WE SELL HIGH-END COLLECTABLES AND--

- NO, NO! OF COURSE WE HAVE THE DOLLS.

I'LL JUST-- I'LL BRING 'EM RIGHT OUT.

- UNCLE VINNIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I'M SENTIMENTAL; I'M NOT AN IDIOT.

- TARYN IS OUT SICK,

SO SHE ASKED ME TO TEACH THE CLASS.

BUT JUST 'CAUSE SHE'S NOT HERE

DOESN'T MEAN THINGS ARE GONNA BE ANY DIFFERENT.

WELCOME TO HOUSE OF PAIN, MAGGOTS.

FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!

[upbeat music]

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

ARE YOU GONNA STEP IT UP, PARKER?

OR ARE YOU PLANNING ON FLYING OUT OF HERE

WITH THAT LOOSE SKIN UNDER YOUR ARMS?

- HEY, YOU CAN'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT.

- SHE'S A HUMAN BEING.

- AND A MOTHER.

- NO, NO, BUT TARYN DOES IT ALL THE TIME.

- [sobbing]

- SEE YOU IN COURT! - I--

GUYS, I CAN'T DO THE CLASS WITHOUT YOU.

I DON'T REMEMBER THE ROUTINE.