Original subtitles

- DUDE, IT IS SIMPLE.

B, B, X, RIGHT BUMPER, RIGHT TRIGGER.

- B, X... - NOT B, X!

NOT B, X! AND THEY'RE GONE!

YOU LAUNCHED ALL OF THE ROCKETS.

THEY'RE ALL GONE NOW.

ALL OF THE ROCKETS ARE GONE.

- SORRY.

- NO, IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW,

IT TOOK ME TWO MONTHS OF TIRELESS EFFORT

TO AMASS ALL OF THOSE ROCKETS,

AND NOW YOU'VE MADE THAT A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.

- I DON'T WANT TO SPEND OUR TIME SHOOTING ANYTHING.

NO MORE VIDEO GAMES!

THIS IS THE FIRST WEEKEND

YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH TIME FOR ME IN MONTHS.

- OH, COME ON.

I HAVEN'T BEEN THAT BUSY.

- REALLY?

FIRST YOU WERE DATING DUMB BRITTANY,

THEN DUMB JENNY,

THEN DUMB JENNY R.,

AND THEN BACK TO BRITTANY,

WHO BY THEN SEEMED SO MUCH SMARTER.

- I DON'T THINK THEY WERE THAT DUMB.

- JENNY R., THE GIRL WHO GOT LOCKED IN OUR KITCHEN

FOR TWO HOURS?

- OKAY, POINT TAKEN.

- WHY CAN'T WE DO SOMETHING I LIKE TO DO,

LIKE THE NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM?

THEY HAVE A NEW DINOSAUR EXHIBIT.

- AH, NICE TRY.

THEY HAVEN'T HAD NEW DINOSAURS IN, LIKE, THOUSANDS OF YEARS.

- THE GETTY VILLA HAS A GREAT EXHIBIT

ON GREEK ANTIQUITIES, STATUES OF APOLLO, ATHENA--

- ATHENA!

ISN'T SHE THE GODDESS WHO SHOOTS FIRE OUT OF HER BUTT?

- THERE'S NO SUCH GODDESS IN ANY WORLD CULTURE.

- NOT EVEN THE UKRAINE?

- THEY JUST GOT THE LION AND HORSE SCULPTURE

FROM ANCIENT GREECE.

YOU GOT TO SEE IT.

IT EXEMPLIFIED THE STRUGGLE

OF EASTERN AND WESTERN CULTURES...

- [snores]

- ICE CREAM! YOU LIKE ICE CREAM.

LET'S GO TO THE HEALTH FOOD STORE.

- THEY HAVE ICE CREAM?

- YES.

- OKAY, DEAL.

LET'S GET SOME ICE CREAM, SON!

- LEGALLY IT'S NOT ICE CREAM.

IT'S MADE FROM HEMP,

AND IT COMES ON A CONE OF DRIED KELP.

- AH! - SUCKER!

[quirky brass music]

- I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- SO WAIT A MINUTE

HEY

I NEVER FELT SO GOOD

- EXCUSE ME, SIR.

EXCUSE ME.

- [whistles]

- CAN I GET A COSMO, PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA HAVE TO TRY

TO GET HIS ATTENTION MARDI GRAS STYLE.

- ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET MY ATTENTION IS SMILE.

OF COURSE, I PREFER MY SMILES MARDI GRAS STYLE.

- [laughs] - I'M SPIKE.

- HI, I'M WILMA.

- PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. - YOU TOO.

- OH, DON'T WORRY. THERE'S NO RING.

- NO, NO, I KNOW.

I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR ANY INDENTATIONS

OR TAN LINES, ANY INDICATION OF RECENT REMOVAL OF A RING.

THIS AIN'T MY FIRST RODEO, PAL.

- HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE SINGLE?

- BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN AT A BAR

BUYING HER OWN DRINKS ON A NON-KARAOKE NIGHT.

- WELL, I CAN TAKE CARE OF THE DRINKS PART.

- OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

YOU JUST BOUGHT MY ATTENTION FOR AS LONG AS THIS DRINK LASTS.

USE YOUR 15 SECONDS WISELY.

- HOLY CRAP, YOU'RE SPIKE HARLESS!

- YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO STEP BACK.

- WHAT? - [laughs]

- OH!

- YOUR FACE JUST PUNCHED ME IN THE FIST!

YEAH, SPIKE!

- OH, MY G--

- SO WHAT DO YOU DO, WILMA?

- IS THIS ONE OF THOSE HIPPIE-DIPPIE MARKETS?

- IT'S NOT A MARKET. IT'S A FOOD COOPERATIVE.

- SO YES.

- HEY, CHECK THIS OUT.

THIS COFFEE IS PICKED BY GUATEMALAN MONKEYS.

- TAKING GOOD JOBS FROM AMERICAN MONKEYS.

- COMPOSTING DEMONSTRATION ON AISLE SIX?

I AM SO THERE! HERE.

- OH!

- OH, HEY, GOJI BERRIES.

PLEASE GET ME GOJI BERRIES.

THEY'RE AN ANTIOXIDANT SUPERFOOD.

- OH, WE CAN FIGHT FOR 'EM,

BUT I'M WARNING YOU, I'M A BITER.

- OR I COULD JUST TAKE THIS OTHER ONE.

- I DO NOT GUARANTEE THAT WILL STOP ME FROM BITING YOU.

BIG FAN OF THE GOJI BERRIES?

YOU KNOW, THEY'RE AN ANTIOXIDANT SUPERFOOD.

- YEAH, THERE'S BEEN A RUN ON THEM

EVER SINCE THAT ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED.

YOU OBVIOUSLY READ THAT PIECE IN THE ATLANTIC.

- OF COURSE.

IT'S THE ONLY OCEAN I READ. - [laughs]

- I'M VINNIE.

- GINA. - HI.

- YOU SEEM LIKE A SMART GUY WHO KNOWS HIS BERRIES.

- I GUESS YOU COULD SAY I'M "BERRY" SMART.

- [chuckles]

NOW YOU SEEM LIKE A DUMB GUY.

- NO, NO, NO, NO.

I'M SMART.

IN FACT, I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE GETTY VILLA.

THEY'VE GOT THAT NEW LION AND HORSE SCULPTURE,

REALLY EXEMPLIFIES THE TIMELESS STRUGGLE

BETWEEN LIONS AND HORSES.

NOW YOU BE INTERESTING.

- I LOVE GREEK ANTIQUITIES.

MY SECOND BOOK IS ACTUALLY ALL ABOUT HOMER.

- OH, WHAT'S YOUR FIRST ONE ABOUT, BART?

- IT'S ABOUT THE SEX LIVES OF GREEK GODS.

IT'S CALLED MOUNTING OLYMPUS.

GUESS WHICH WAS MORE FUN TO RESEARCH.

SO DO YOU KNOW MUCH ABOUT GREEK MYTHOLOGY?

- OH, AFRAID NOT. IT'S MY WHAT'S-HIS-NAME'S HEEL.

- [laughs]

- [laughs]

ARE YOU BY ANY CHANCE AVAILABLE FOR DATING,

MAYBE TOMORROW NIGHT?

- ACTUALLY, I'M GOING TO A TED TALK

IN SANTA MONICA.

ONE'S ON GREEK GODS AND THE MODERN WORLD.

WE COULD MEET THERE.

- I'D HAVE TO BE DUMBER

THAN A COFFEE-PICKING MONKEY TO SAY NO TO THAT.

- ALL RIGHT, THEN. IT'S A DATE.

- OKAY.

YOU BETTER WALK AWAY NOW BEFORE YOU SCREW THIS UP.

SEE YOU AT THE TED TALK.

I LOVE TED TALKS!

HEY, TED TALKS ARE GREAT!

HEY, WHAT'S A TED TALK?

- SHORT LECTURES ABOUT CUTTING-EDGE IDEAS.

WHY?

- OH, THEY'RE HAVING ONE

IN SANTA MONICA TOMORROW NIGHT.

- YOU MEAN IT?

OH, FINALLY SOMETHING I WANT TO DO!

- WELL, ACTUALLY... - I'M GOING TO A TED TALK!

BETTER YET, WE'RE GOING TO A TED TALK TOGETHER!

THANKS, UNCLE VINNIE.

I FEEL SEEN.

- NO!

- SHOULD WE CALL THE POLICE?

- NO, THIS IS NORMAL.

I WAS IN A VERY POPULAR MOVIE

WHERE I GET PUNCHED IN THE FACE A LOT.

- OH, REALLY? WHAT WAS IT CALLED?

- PUNCH ME IN THE FACE.

I PLAY A CHARACTER NAMED FARLEY

WHO'S NEVER BEEN KNOCKED OUT TILL HE MEETS LIAM NEESON,

WHO'S TRYING TO WIN MONEY FOR HIS SON'S OPERATION.

- I THINK I KNOW WHO'LL BE OPERATING.

DR. OSCAR.

[sighs]

- IT'S HARD BEING THE STAR OF A MOVIE.

- LIAM NEESON WASN'T THE STAR?

- WHO THE STAR WAS IS NOT IMPORTANT.

THE ISSUE IS, INEVITABLY SOME MEATHEAD SPOTS ME

AND HAS TO PROVE HE'S A TOUGH GUY,

SO HE TAKES A SWING.

- WHY NOT GET A BODYGUARD?

- I DID.

HE PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE.

- WOW, I'VE NEVER KNOWN A REAL MOVIE STAR BEFORE.

THIS IS KIND OF COOL. [laughs]

- WELL, I GOT TO SAY, CELEBRITY HAS ITS PERKS.

YOU NEVER HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE AT A CLUB.

YOU GET KATHY GRIFFIN'S HOME PHONE NUMBER.

BUT WHAT I REALLY LIKE IS, EVERYWHERE I GO,

EVERYONE IS SUPER FRIENDLY.

- SPIKE HARLESS.

I'M A HUGE FAN.

I GOT TO TELL YOU, YOUR FILMS

HAVE MEANT A LOT TO ME OVER THE YEARS.

- WELL, THANKS VERY MUCH. THAT'S REALLY NICE TO HEAR.

- THAT'S SWEET.

- I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,

BUT I GOT TO TAKE A POKE AT YOU NOW.

- OH!

- HEY, YOUR FACE JUST PUNCHED ME IN THE FIST!

- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? GET OUT OF HERE!

- HEY, DO YOU MIND IF MY GIRLFRIEND PUNCHES YOU?

SHE'S SMALL. - SHE MAY NOT!

[applause]

- WOW, THAT WAS AN AMAZING LECTURE.

- JUST WHEN YOU THINK THERE'S NOTHING MORE TO SAY

ABOUT PERSEUS AND MEDUSA,

SOMEONE BRINGS IN A FRESH PERSPECTIVE, AND...

PA-KOW!

- I LIKED WHERE HE TURNED INTO A MANATEE

AND SHOT LASERS OUT OF HIS--

I MAY HAVE DOZED OFF.

- WHAT HE WAS SAYING WAS,

JUST LIKE PROMETHEUS BROUGHT FIRE TO MAN

BUT SUFFERED FOR HIS DISCOVERY,

SCIENCE HAS PROVEN THERE'S ALWAYS A PRICE

TO PAY FOR KNOWLEDGE.

JUST AS-- - HEY, THAT'S GREAT.

HEY, WHO'S THIRSTY? - OH, I'LL TAKE A LEMONADE.

- I'D LIKE A-- - GOT IT!

- OH, HEY, LOOKS WHAT'S NEXT, THE END OF THE UNIVERSE.

- WOW, THAT SOUNDS DEPRESSING.

- OH, IT'S NOT DEPRESSING.

IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE AMAZING.

THE MILKY WAY IS SIMPLY ON A COLLISION COURSE

WITH THE ANDROMEDA GALAXY,

AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS, IT'S GOING TO DESTROY ANY TRACE

OF OUR PLANET, SOLAR SYSTEM, AND GALAXY.

NOW THAT I SAY IT ALOUD...

- SO ALL OF HUMANKIND'S ACHIEVEMENTS,

ARTS, SCIENCES--

NONE OF IT'S GOING TO MATTER?

- I WENT THROUGH THAT PHASE.

KIND OF PUT A DAMPER ON MY SIXTH BIRTHDAY.

GOSH, I REALLY BUMMED OUT THAT CLOWN.

- HMM. - HI.

- WHERE WERE YOU?

YOU MISSED THE END OF THE LECTURE.

- NO, NO, I GOT IT.

JUST LIKE PROMETHEUS BROUGHT FIRE TO MANKIND

BUT SUFFERED FOR HIS DISCOVERY,

SO, TOO, SCIENCE HAS PROVEN

THAT THERE'S ALWAYS A PRICE TO PAY FOR KNOWLEDGE.

- [chuckles]

YOU SUMMED IT UP REALLY WELL.

IT TOOK HIM 18 MINUTES

TO SAY WHAT YOU JUST SAID IN A FEW SECONDS.

- YEAH, I DO A LOT OF THINGS FASTER THAN MOST MEN.

WAIT, NO.

- [laughs]

SO WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN?

- OH, WHAT DO I DO FOR FUN?

I DO THIS.

WHEN THAT GUY WITH THE EYEBROW DANDRUFF

AND THE SPIT IN THE CORNER OF HIS MOUTH

WAS TALKING ABOUT ALL THAT GREEK STUFF,

I WAS IN HEAVEN.

- OKAY, THEN.

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF HIS INTERPRETATION OF ZEUS?

- HEY, I'M HUNGRY.

DO YOU WANT ANYTHING?

- YOU KNOW, I SAW SOME SOME SPANAKOPITA OUT THERE.

OR MAYBE-- - GOT IT!

- THAT'S RIGHT.

IT'LL BE LIKE THE EARTH NEVER EXISTED.

- I'M SUCH A FOOL.

WHY DID I ADOPT THAT HIGHWAY?

- HEY, GUYS, HERE YOU GO.

- WE DIDN'T ORDER THESE.

- AND YOU DIDN'T GO GET THEM EITHER!

YOU'RE WELCOME.

HEY, WENDELL, SOMETHING'S BEEN ON MY MIND.

ZEUS, YOU KNOW, WHAT'S THE 411 ON THAT CAT, HUH?

- OH, WELL, ZEUS IS REALLY AN ALLEGORY

ABOUT THE CAPRICIOUSNESS OF NATURE

AND ITS RANDOM EFFECTS UPON MANKIND.

- GREAT, THAT'S ENOUGH. GOT TO PEE.

- WAIT, MUSTARD!

THE MAN HAS MUSTARD ON EVERY SHIRT HE OWNS,

BUT HE COULDN'T MANAGE TO GET ANY ON MY PRETZEL.

BE RIGHT BACK.

- ZEUS, HE'S REALLY JUST AN ALLEGORY

ABOUT THE CAPRICIOUSNESS OF NATURE

AND ITS RANDOM EFFECTS UPON MANKIND.

- YOU'RE A REALLY SMART GUY.

- THINKING IS FUN.

- PLEASE, JUST BE HONEST.

YOU KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO THAT TED TALK

BEFORE YOU ASKED ME TO GO.

- I'M PLEADING THE THIRD.

- YOU'RE PLEADING THE THIRD? - MM-HMM.

- THE THIRD AMENDMENT?

SO YOU'RE REFUSING TO QUARTER SOLDIERS DURING PEACETIME?

IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU LIED

ABOUT WANTING TO SPEND TIME WITH ME,

BUT YOU BLEW ME OFF FOR ANOTHER STUPID DATE.

- AH! NO, BUT THIS ONE'S NOT STUPID.

SHE'S A SMART GIRL.

SHE'S AN AUTHOR OF WORD BOOKS.

- AN AUTHOR?

LIKE SINNAMON WITH AN "S" WAS A DANCER?

- YES.

HER NAME'S GINA SEGALL.

- WAIT, GINA SEGALL?

I LOVE HER.

I'M A HUGE FAN OF ONE OF HER BOOKS.

- I'M REALLY HOPING IT'S THE ONE ON HOMER.

- ABSOLUTELY. SHE'S BRILLIANT.

- RIGHT!

SHE'S, LIKE, A BRIDGE BETWEEN US.

I MEAN, SHE'S GOT THINGS YOU'RE INTERESTED IN.

SHE'S GOT THINGS I'M INTERESTED IN.

- I WOULD LIKE YOU TO DATE A GIRL I COULD TALK TO.

NOT THAT MY SCRUNCHIE DISCUSSION WITH SECOND-DUMBEST JENNY

WASN'T GREAT.

- GREAT, SO WHY DON'T YOU HELP ME SEEM SMART?

THEN SHE CAN BE IN BOTH OF OUR LIVES.

YOU KNOW-- HEY, LET'S START RIGHT NOW.

GIVE ME SOME SMART-GUY TALKING POINTS.

- OKAY, HOW ABOUT STRING THEORY?

- IS STRING REALLY THAT COMPLICATED?

[cell phone ringing]

IT'S GINA.

HELLO.

YEAH, WHY NOT?

OKAY. OKAY, BYE.

THAT'S ODD.

SHE'S IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND WANTS TO COME OVER.

EITHER I'M COMING OFF SMARTER THAN I REALLY AM,

OR SHE'S A LOT DUMBER THAN I THINK SHE IS.

EITHER WAY, I WIN.

- WAIT.

I'M GONNA MEET AN ANCIENT MYTHOLOGY SCHOLAR?

THAT'S EVERY BOY'S DREAM.

- WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

IF SHE COMES OVER HERE AND SEES ALL THIS JUNK...

- SHE'S GONNA REALIZE YOU'RE SOME SORT

OF HALF-GROWN MAN CHILD?

- WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

THERE'S NOT A SINGLE BOOK DOWN HERE.

- AND HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN SAYING THAT?

- I'LL JUST TELL HER ALL THIS STUFF IS YOURS.

- MINE? I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS STUFF IS.

I CAN'T DO THAT. - IT'S EASY.

JUST GOT TO THINK LIKE ME.

FIRST, CLEAR YOUR MIND.

NOW LEAVE IT LIKE THAT.

- I GUESS IF YOU'RE WILLING TO DATE A SMART GIRL FOR ME,

THE LEAST I CAN DO IS HELP GET YOU STARTED.

- PERFECT! YOU TEACH ME HOW TO BE YOU.

I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO BE ME.

- WAIT. WHAT ARE YOU TEACHING ME AGAIN?

I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION. - I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO BE ME.

- I KNOW. I WAS IN CHARACTER.

- AW, YOU'RE GOOD.

YOU'RE GOOD.

- SO IT'S TWO DAYS BEFORE WE START SHOOTING

THIS INDEPENDENT FILM.

I'M THE STAR, AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED.

- WHAT? - THE DIRECTOR DIED.

- OH, MY GOSH.

- I KNOW.

WHY DOES THIS STUFF ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?

- WELL, I STARTED A NEW CASE TODAY.

WELL, I WASN'T SURE I WANTED TO--

- CAMERA.

- I WASN'T SURE I WANTED TO TAKE ON THE CASE.

IT SEEMED A LITTLE BIT LIKE A LOST CAUSE.

- I WAS IN A MOVIE CALLED LOST CLAUS.

HAD TO GET SANTA BACK FROM THE RUSSIANS.

WHERE IS OUR WAITER?

LET ME GET US A DRINK AT THE BAR.

- THERE WAS TWO--TWO-- TWO DIFFERENT...

YEAH.

CAN YOU TOP OFF MY DRINK?

[punch lands]

thud!

- YOUR FACE JUST PUNCHED ME IN THE FIST!

- SINCE YOU LANDED SO CLOSE TO THE KITCHEN,

DO YOU MIND CHECKING ON MY QUESADILLA?

THANKS.

- NICE.

THERE WE GO.

[doorbell rings] both: SHE'S HERE!

- ALL RIGHT, GAME TIME.

WENDELL, HERE.

- HEY, VINNIE.

- ENTREZ-VOUS.

- MERCI.

SO WHAT ARE YOU READING?

- THE STRANGER BY ALBERT "CAM-US."

- [coughing] "CAM-OO." - "CAM-OO."

"CAM-OON" IN.

- WOW, VINNIE, I HAVE TO SAY

THIS ISN'T HOW I PICTURED YOUR PLACE.

IT'S...

- OH, YEAH, ALL THIS STUFF,

IT BELONGS TO MY NEPHEW WENDELL.

YOU KNOW, I DONATED ALL MY AFRICAN FERTILITY TOTEMS

TO THE DENVER MUSEUM OF AFRICA.

- SO YOU MUST BE WENDELL.

- WHAT'S GOOD, PRETTY LADY?

- SO WHAT GAME ARE YOU PLAYING?

- OH, WELL,

ROBOT...

LOBSTER HANDS.

- YEAH, THAT'S THE NAME OF THE VIDEO GAME,

ROBOT LOBSTER HANDS.

- MY UNCLE TELLS ME YOU WROTE AN AMAZING BOOK ABOUT ODYSSEUS

AND HIS EPIC JOURNEY FIGHTING DEMONS

BOTH PHYSICAL AND METAPHORICAL--

OR SOME CRUD.

PEW, PEW, PEW.

I'M SO DUMB, I THINK LASERS MAKE NOISE.

PEW, PEW, PEW.

- HEY, CAN WE TALK FOR A SECOND?

- HEY, I'M SO SMART, WE CAN TALK FOR TWO SECONDS.

- HEY, GUYS, HOW'S IT--

AH, WHO CARES?

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE ANYWAY.

- GINA, THIS IS TARYN, OUR NEIGHBOR.

- CAKE? - NO, I'M GOOD. THANKS.

- HUH, YEAH, WELL, YOU MIGHT THINK YOU'RE GOOD,

AND THEN SOME POINDEXTER TELLS YOU THE WORLD'S GONNA END,

AND SUDDENLY THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES SENSE IS CAKE.

- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT NIETZSCHE SAID--

- NO, WHAT?

WHAT DID NIETZSCHE SAY, HUH?

CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT NIETZSCHE SAID, SMART GUY?

DID NIETZSCHE SAY SOMETHING THAT'S GOING TO PREVENT

THE GALAXY FROM TEARING THE EARTH APART?

- SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY ALREADY KNOWS WHAT NIETZSCHE SAID.

- [laughs]

THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

I JUST REMEMBERED A REALLY FUNNY FART.

WELL, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I'M GONNA GO GET A SNACK WITHOUT A PLATE,

BECAUSE I THINK ANTS ARE COOL.

- I'M GONNA GO TO THE KITCHEN.

- AND WASH YOUR HANDS?

- NO.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF YOU WANT TO TALK, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

I WAS THINKING WE COULD GO TO THE CAFE AT THE BOOKSTORE

AND DISCUSS THE EUROPEAN DEBT CRISIS.

- OH, DO WE HAVE TO?

- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. SCREW THEM.

- WELL, ACTUALLY,

THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

- WHAT'S THAT?

- WELL, WHEN WE FIRST MET,

I WAS REALLY ATTRACTED TO YOU,

BUT THEN AT THE TED TALK, I REALIZED THAT YOU'RE JUST LIKE

EVERY OTHER SMART GUY I'VE DATED.

- I AM, YEAH. I TOTALLY AM, YES.

- RIGHT, BUT THE THING IS--

AND THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT--

I'M JUST TIRED OF DATING THOSE GUYS.

I WANT SOMEBODY MORE FUN, MORE RECKLESS, MORE GOOFY.

I'M SORRY, VINNIE, BUT YOU'RE JUST TOO SMART.

- NO!

NO, I'M NOT!

NO, I'M NOT SMART.

I'M AN IDIOT. I WAS LYING.

ALL OF THIS CRAP IS ACTUALLY MINE--

THE TOYS, THE VIDEO GAMES.

YOU WANT GOOFY?

I'M HOVERING 30,

AND I HAVE EIGHT DIFFERENT FART MACHINES.

- VINNIE, DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF.

WE SHOULD END THIS THING WITH DIGNITY.

- NO, NO, NO.

YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME.

WENDELL TAUGHT ME HOW TO SAY ALL THAT SMART STUFF.

HE'S THE REAL GENIUS.

- HEY, LOOK AT ME.

I'M SPAGHETTI HEAD.

IT'S SO OBVIOUS, IT'S FUNNY.

- VINNIE, YOU ARE A SWEET AND CEREBRAL GUY,

AND I WISH YOU LUCK,

BUT I JUST DON'T WANT TO DATE ANOTHER ASTROPHYSICIST, OKAY?

GOOD-BYE.

- ASTROPHYSICIST?

SERIOUSLY?

- SPAGHETTI HEAD?

I'M TOTALLY USING THAT.

- I'M SORRY, SPIKE.

YOU'RE A GREAT GUY.

JUST THE FIRE ISN'T LIT.

- WHAT A BUMMER.

IT COULDN'T HAVE COME AT A WORSE TIME.

PUNCH ME IN THE FACE 2 BOMBED AT THE BOX OFFICE.

I HAVEN'T BEEN PUNCHED IN A WEEK.

- DON'T LOSE HEART. YOU'LL FIND SOMEONE NEW.

- NO, I WON'T.

WHO'S GONNA TO WANT TO DATE A BIG, GIANT IDIOT LIKE ME?

- HI.

I'M GINA.

- WHAT?

WHO WOULD WANT TO DATE A SMART, SUCCESSFUL LAWYER

WITH ALL HER ORIGINAL BODY PARTS?

UH...

I OWN MY OWN CONDO.